Buckhead etiquette expert a local ‘Miss Manners’

At first, it’s a tad intimidating to sit down at the table with Carolyn Luesing.

Since 1985, the Buckhead resident and Atlanta native has instructed others in the art of correct dining, from which fork spears the shrimp to figuring out whose bread plate is whose. In the spirit of the social graces she preaches, Luesing can put everyone at ease.

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Pouya Dianat/pdianat@ajc.com

‘You feel less awkward in various situations when you know what to do, how to behave,’ said Carolyn Luesing, who began offering session on social graces about 11 years ago.

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For more than a dozen years, Luesing has guided Atlantans through the intricacies of etiquette — table manners at dinner and behavior at business meetings. Yet she didn’t start out to be a local graciousness expert. It all began because of her dance background.

As a child growing up in Ansley Park, Luesing started taking ballet lessons at age 4 and danced with the Atlanta Civic Ballet. Her parents were avid dancers who took lessons and taught the steps to their daughter.

“I wouldn’t even date anyone who couldn’t dance,” recalled Luesing with a laugh. “I certainly wouldn’t have married my husband if he didn’t!”

Her children were almost grown when friends mentioned there was a student dance program at the Westminster Schools that needed new energy. Luesing teamed with friend Libba Wight and created the Social Dance Program in 1985. She still conducts seven-week sessions for 12 year olds from around the city every fall, signing up as many as 100 students a year.

During her interactions with the students, Luesing noticed a distinct lack of manners among the younger set. About 11 years ago, she began offering sessions on social graces.

“I saw very unmannerly attitudes and less respect for adults and people in authority,” said Luesing. “I think some of that came from today’s parents being friends with their children more than disciplinarians. And schedules are so hectic now that there’s not as much communication between parents and children as there used to be.”

The goal of the etiquette classes is to instill confidence, not necessarily correctness. “You feel less awkward in various situations when you know what to do, how to behave,” said Luesing.

From working with youngsters, Luesing met many parents who wanted a refresher in manners. She’s been hired by various groups and companies to instruct their members and employees on a wide range of practices. Among the most important skills she teaches are table manners.

“The most glaring thing people see is how you hold your silverware,” said Luesing, grasping a fork in the fist of her left hand to demonstrate how it’s not done. “You should know how to handle your knife and fork; which side of the plate is your bread plate; and not to put too much in your mouth at once.”

Much of her work with corporate clients such as Georgia Power and Wachovia revolves around the proper way for men and women to interact in today’s workplace: Should I pull out her chair? Hold the door for him? Shake her hand first?

“Those things are particularly hard to figure out in the South, where we have a strong sense of chivalry that is not universal,” said Luesing. “The answer is that it’s never wrong to offer help. One should always be gracious — that makes people feel comfortable no matter what the situation.”