How to help kids balance activities, school

Football. Cheerleading. Piano lessons. Ballet. Some kids with jampacked schedules need an event planner to make time for homework and play.

Most parents think a healthy mix of activities can provide children with experiences that push them to become better students, more versatile athletes, supporters of the arts, even humanitarians. An idle child, these days, is perceived to be headed for the unemployment line.

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Allen Sullivan / aesullivan@ajc.com

Emma Thompson dances during a recent class at the Duluth School of Ballet. Her sister Taylor gave up cross country racing to keep dance classes on her schedule.

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Allen Sullivan / aesullivan@ajc.com

TIm Stoltz watches his daughter Kimberly dance at the Duluth School of Ballet.

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“Colleges make it very difficult for you to only focus on academics — they want-well rounded children,” said Hoschton mom Melissa Thompson, whose 16-year-old participates in six activities. “They want to see leadership skills, community service. Students have to make the time. It can be challenging.”

Deciding how many activities a child can handle without sacrificing academics is where the balancing act begins. Some over-scheduled Georgia kids are in need of an intervention.

Multiple activities may make for a well-rounded student, but there is a downside — stressing kids, eroding family relationships and torpedoing grades, some educators and parenting experts say.

At DeKalb County Schools, Vonzia Phillips, director of middle school instruction, warns students about taking on too much.

“I talk to the parents of kids who are falling asleep at the dinner table,” Phillips said. “You have some who can actually participate in two or three things, maintain excellent grades, enjoy themselves and benefit from the experience. … Every child is unique.”

Metro Atlanta parents are making some tough calls as they determine whether after-school schedules are working. By now, moms and dads have the proof they need to weigh the options. Most Georgia schools have already either issued report cards or progress reports or held parent-teacher conferences.

Mindy Clark of Suwanee eyes her children’s weekly progress reports online to look for signs that they may be overbooked. Her daughter, Lauren, 17, has proved to be steady performer. She juggled club meetings, a part-time job and a heap of Advanced Placement classes while maintaining A’s and her sanity.

Clark was more concerned about her son, James, 11, a sixth-grader, who is adjusting to middle school.

“He doesn’t get home until 5:15 p.m. — that’s on a good day,” she said. Clark let James play football, which practices three days a week, so long as he lived up to her expectations. “He has to have all A’s and B’s.”

James managed to hit her benchmarks on his report card, even though he began the North Gwinnett Football Association season doing his homework in a concession stand while his mom volunteered.

“There were several nights when we were struggling until almost 11 p.m. to finish something,” she said. “We did have one day where he had to stay home because he had not done what he was supposed to do.”

But James’ overall performance earned him another year with the Bulldogs, Clark said.

Not every athlete was so lucky.

Melissa Thompson eliminated cross country racing at Mill Creek High School from her daughter Taylor’s lineup because of the stress on her child’s body and schedule. Taylor Thompson, a gifted student, takes dance three days a week at Duluth School of Ballet. “The schedule between dance and cross country kept bumping into each other,” Melissa Thompson said. “It was very hectic.”

Sports aren’t the only activities being dropped from the schedules of ambitious kids.

Duluth School of Ballet owner Peter Garick says more moms are cutting dance classes. “The kids come in, they are stressed. One child is in class while the other is doing homework in the lobby. It’s crazy.”

While studies show participating in extracurricular activities can improve students’ grades, some over-scheduled kids have trouble finding enough study time. According to the National Education Association, children in k-2 should spend up to 20 minutes a day on homework; kids in grades 3-6 should work between 30 and 60 minutes daily; and students in grades 7 and up spend even more time keeping pace with the workload and long-range assignments.

At Annistown Elementary in Snellville, students in grades 3 to 5 are part of the parent-teacher conference where grades and after-school schedules are discussed. “The teacher, children and parent come up with a plan,” said principal Lorraine Sparks. “If something needs to drop off after school so they can bring up [a] grade, the children, the teacher and the parent make this decision together.”

Over-scheduling kids can rob families of quality time together. Parents in chauffeur mode tend to bark commands at kids, instead of engaging them in conversation.

“At a time when it’s critical that the relationship in the family be present, we are eroding it by introducing anxiety,” said Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, a child psychiatrist who wrote the book “The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap.” “We are emphasizing the activity, not the relationship.”

Kids also need downtime to play and explore, added Brenda Fitzgerald of Marietta, a parent coach and executive director of Georgia Educational Training Agency. “If Benjamin Franklin’s mother would have allowed her son to be over-scheduled, he would have never gone out in a storm to play with a kite and a key,” she said. “We would be reading in the dark.”

Some parents have figured out a way to have it all — family fun, happy commutes, quiet time for studying.

Marcia Coward of Lithonia, executive vice president of the DeKalb County’s Council of PTAs, has achieved balance.

Coward’s secret: Her 15-year-old daughter Eboni’s activities are mostly based at Druid Hills High School, where she is a student. Extracurricular activities have come and gone based on how well she managed her time and maintained A’s in core subjects. Eboni is now involved in six activities.

“In elementary school, she was just as busy as she is now,” Coward says. “I really want her to be successful.”

This fall when Eboni joined the school swim team, she dropped dance, a hobby she started at age 4. Her mother said the demands of dance had affected her daughter’s math grades last year.

“Dance was like my favorite thing to do,” Eboni said. “I gave it up to find something new that was close to school. I didn’t want to have to make my mother stress about having to take me from place to place when it really wasn’t necessary.”