Non-traditional families find friends, help online

By David Aaron Moore

For the AJC

After years as an executive at a leading communications company, Roswell resident Grant Garris found himself in the same position many Americans are facing these days: unemployed.

In his personal life, Garris has a full plate and more than just himself to be concerned about.

Along with his life partner, Paul Witmer, the couple have two children — sons Rick, 14, and Devin, 11.

After Garris and Witmer adopted the boys, both who faced mental challenges, Witmer’s parents Diane, 69, and Robert, 70, joined the household, taking up residence in the basement apartment of the home.

Thanks to a decent closing package from Garris’s former employer and a tight-knit family, he has been able to roll over a potential disaster into an opportunity of a lifetime. With the help of his partner and a Web designer, Garris has created and launched a Web site aimed at an audience close to his heart, targeting children with special needs and non-traditional families.

The site, www.avillagetoraise.com, went online in April of this year and now boasts more than 300 members worldwide. It offers members from around the globe the opportunity to chat, network, socialize and share resources to aid parents with the raising of their children.

While it is aimed at non-traditional families, all are welcome.

“It is about 45 percent same-sex couples,” Garris said. “But there are also opposite-sex couples with challenged children, blended families and families with different religious backgrounds.”

Garris’s own experiences with his two sons and A Village To Raise offer insight for others that might be considering joining.

“When we first adopted Rick he was learning delayed,” he explained. “Devin has Asperger’s Syndrome. There were so many times when we needed answers that we just couldn’t find. Creating this Web site has allowed us to talk with other families who have children with the same challenges. We can share our experiences and learn from each other.”

For the uninitiated, a learning delayed child is just what the words imply — an individual that for one reason or another learns at a level that is below that of other children the same age. In Rick’s case, the mitigating circumstances were social. He was turned over to the state because his birth mother was incapable of caring for him and was subsequently placed in one foster home and then another. Without a birth or adoptive parent at the helm, he had no personal advocate. For all intents and purposes, he slipped through the cracks. Now with the support of Garris and Witmer he is an honor student in the 8th grade.

Devin not only suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome, a disorder that causes him to have difficulty with social interaction skills and understanding the emotional reactions of others, he also copes with sensory deprivation and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Through the Web site, Devin’s parents have connected with other children and an adult who are dealing with Asperger’s Syndrome.

“Right here in Roswell we’ve met another family with a child with Asperger’s,” Garris said. “It’s great to get them together and have them interact. One will say, ‘that’s not acceptable behavior,’ and the other will respond, ‘Oh, really? I didn’t know that.’ Then they’ll just go back to whatever they were doing. They’re very matter-of-fact about it.”

Although Matthew Bennett doesn’t have any children, he is coping with Asperger’s Syndrome. It was his condition that prompted him to seek membership with A Village To Raise.

“I was surfing through Google looking for any Web sites that contained information about Asperger’s Syndrome and I found a news article about [A Village To Raise],” said the 25-year-old, who lives in Adelaide, Australia.

“I felt it was important to share my experiences about Asperger’s Syndrome with other people. I also felt that I could learn some things as well by talking to others. I have had some detailed conversations with people. Connecting like this has made me feel better because I know there are others that are going through what I have been through.”

Braselton residents Angela and George Bailey are the parents of three children, Jackson, 9, Garret, 8, and Rachel, 3. George is a contractor for United Van Lines and Angela is a stay-at-home mom.

“George is gone a lot,” she said. “So often times I feel like a single parent. Being a part of A Village To Raise has made me feel like I’m not going through the process so alone.”

Although Jackson and Rachel have exhibited no signs of any mental or physical challenges, Garret has ADD and a Tic Disorder, which would compel him to involuntarily twist and rotate his hands.

“It would usually occur if he got excited. He wasn’t even aware of what was happening,” Angela explained. “Rather than medication we wanted to try some alternative means of treatment. Through this Web site I came up with information about how changes to the diet can have an impact on this kind of motor disorder. Now he doesn’t have the disorder at all.”

Aside from offering help for the heavier side of parenting, A Village To Raise also provides some resources for family fun.

“This is an amazing network,” Angela said. “You can set up play dates with other mothers and people will post things that are going on that you can take your kids to. It’s great, especially if you’re working with a budget. There’s even a section for pet lovers with classified ads for pets to adopt. There’s something for everybody there. It truly is the whole circle of life.”