Can romance flourish in recession

By Helena Oliviero

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Job losses, flat home values and diminishing bank accounts.

Financial worries have kept plenty of couples awake at night. Turns out, those concerns could be keeping them awake and busy.

About a third of the 1,000 people talked to in a February survey by Penn, Schoen & Berland Associates said they find themselves more interested in sex since the economy took a dive.

As it happens, another third reported being less interested in sex since the recession hit, according to the survey conducted on behalf of Daily Beast. The rest of the people surveyed had noticed no change in their sex lives.

Hardly shocking news to David Woodsfellow, an Atlanta psychologist specializing in couples therapy. Some partners grow closer during a sluggish economy, he said. Others argue about finances and find themselves so irritated by the other person that, by the time night falls, they turn their backs on each other.

“[Sex] can be a way of holding people together and affirming their alliance,” Woodsfellow said. “But the opposite can happen, and it can drive people further apart.”

Woodsfellow said couples should avoid late-night stressful conversations that thwart intimacy.

How couples view sex also plays a role.

Half of Americans said sex helps them take their minds off their problems, according to those surveyed by Penn, Schoen & Berland, while a third of those polled said worrying makes them too distracted for sex.

Another challenge, according to Woodsfellow, is many men want to get close through sex, but many women need to feel close to have sex.

Joyce Morley-Ball — a couples therapist and host of “Dr. Joyce, the Luv Doctor” on Kiss 104.1 FM — has seen the economic crisis wreak havoc on some couples’ sex lives.

“I have couples say, ‘I am so mad at you. I don’t want to sleep with you. I don’t want you to touch me.’ ” she said. “And I say, start by saying something nice. Even if the bottom is falling out, just start by saying something nice.”

Morley-Ball said even small measures — like lighting candles during dinner — can help change the tone from argumentative to more romantic.

Morley-Ball also said couples need to give each other attention throughout the day if intimacy is expected at night. She suggests couples make an effort to spend time together cooking meals, playing board games and going for walks.

And don’t forget to compromise, she said. Sometimes, she said, the wife can watch an NFL game, and the hubby can watch a Lifetime movie.

Morley-Ball and Woodsfellow said it’s natural for couples to be on edge about the economy, but partners run into trouble when they direct their rage at each other.

In fact, couples need intimacy now more than ever, they said.

Phil Parker of Smyrna feels strongly about keeping his sex life alive and well in good or bad economic times.

He tries to keep things spicy by flirting with his wife of 20 years, Bonnie, telling her he loves her and giving her hugs every day.

He also leaves love notes for her around the house, including a recent one that said, “I would crawl over a bed of glass to get to you first, foremost, and forever.”

“It’s important to get together and get away from the trauma of the outside world. Sex is a great way to stay close. It’s a great stress reliever,” said Parker, who talks about this in a self-published book on relationships.

“Sure I have concerns. But I learned a long time ago, the key is to have each other, and that’s a strong foundation.”

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Recession-proof sex life

1. Romance at home. Kisses at the door. Spontaneous hugs in the kitchen. Try to remind yourself how lucky you are to have love in your life.

2. Convert your house into a love cave. Have a candlelit picnic dinner on the floor. Dress up if you want, or down.

3. Carve out a little time for just the two of you. Have a glass of wine or a mug of tea or hot chocolate. Leave out work or issues with the kids.

4. Turn your bedroom into a new retreat. A can of paint can do wonders to white walls. Light candles. Move papers and clutter. Unplug the TV.

Source: Pepper Schwartz, chairwoman of the National Sexuality Resource Center at San Francisco State University and consultant for K-Y Brand