Don’t participate in childish co-workers’ games

Q: Every day, I have to work with a group of rude and catty women. They call me a tattletale, even though I’m not. When I’m around, they make whispered remarks to one another. I tried to fit in by chatting and having lunch with them, but that didn’t work.

Now I’ve adopted the attitude of “speak only when spoken to.” I limit my comments to “good morning” or “how is the weather?” Then I listen to my iPod all day.

Although I like my work, I dread going to the office. The tension is taking a toll on me emotionally. Our manager is no help at all, and I can’t move to another position. What should I do?

A: Unfortunately, you’ve gotten involved with childish adults who enjoy playing silly games at work. And they seem to have sucked you into playing along with them.

By refusing to speak, you actually are perpetuating this destructive game. Because these women want to upset you, your obvious distress just encourages them to continue.

When confronted with a juvenile game, the wisest response is no response. This requires firm control of both your emotions and your behavior. No matter what happens, act like a mature, professional adult.

MARIE G. McINTYRE

OFFICE COACH

In dealing with your adversaries, always be pleasant and helpful. Smile when you talk to them. To maintain your sanity, seek out friendly folks from other departments to share your breaks and lunch.

Most importantly, don’t let these women control your feelings. They can ruin your day only if you give them the power to do so. Stop reacting to their taunts, and eventually they’ll find a more rewarding target.

Q: I am sick of the job that I’ve had for seven years. I’m planning to apply at other companies, but I’m not sure how to answer the question, “Why do you want to leave your current position?” I can’t say, “Because I hate my job.” So how do I get around that?

A: When explaining your desire to change jobs, focus forward, not backward. Describe the attractions of the new position, not your problems with the old one. Complaints about your current employer may make you sound like a whiner.

Before each interview, thoroughly research the company and list everything that appeals to you. Then, when asked about your motivation, outline all the reasons you would like to work there.

If an interviewer continues to probe for feelings about your current job, say that, after seven years, you’re interested in new opportunities and challenges. These days, no one expects you to join a company for life.

Applicants always should remember that honesty does not require complete disclosure of all their thoughts and feelings. There can be many truthful answers to the same question.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.