Worker may want to suffer in silence

Q: One of my employees, “Krista,” used to confide in me frequently about her personal life, but lately she’s stopped sharing any information at all.

Although she assures me that nothing is wrong, she still doesn’t talk to me. She’s also stopped chatting with her co-workers, and she doesn’t smile and laugh like she used to. My other employees said she got upset when she overheard someone talking about her.

Now I’ve learned from human resources that she has inquired about a lateral transfer to another department. I don’t want her to leave, but I also don’t want her attitude to infect the rest of my staff.

Do you have any suggestions for getting her to open up?

A: As her manager, you first must separate what is your business from what is not. You should be concerned that Krista seems upset, but you shouldn’t pressure her to share personal information.

To find out what’s bothering her, the best approach is to demonstrate concern and offer to listen. You must avoid being pushy or accusatory.

For example: “Krista, you and I have always had a good relationship, and I care about how you feel at work. I can tell something is bothering you, and that troubles me. You’re a valuable member of our department, and I want you to be happy here. What seems to be the matter?”

MARIE G. McINTYRE

OFFICE COACH

Then stop talking and give Krista time to collect her thoughts. If she still denies that anything is wrong, you might probe a bit further: “I did hear that a colleague might have said something hurtful or inappropriate. Is that part of the problem?”

If she opens up, great. But if she still prefers to keep her own counsel, there’s not much you can do. Just continue to watch for clues to the problem.

Avoid the temptation to discuss Krista’s behavior with other staff members. If she finds out, she could feel that everyone is ganging up on her.

After awhile, Krista may get back to normal. But if not, a transfer might be the best solution.

Q: My manager has asked me to temporarily assume the duties of a co-worker who is leaving the company. She wants me to fill in until she can hire someone.

I would like to have this job permanently, but my boss says I don’t have the necessary qualifications. If I’m good enough to help out while the job is posted, I don’t understand why I can’t do it full time. What do you think?

A: In some positions, the ability to do the work is not sufficient; an employee must have a specific degree or certification. If that’s the case, you won’t be considered qualified until you meet those requirements.

But if no such requirements exist, tell your boss that you really enjoy this work and want to know how you can qualify for a promotion. If she seems unwilling to help you advance, consider exploring opportunities elsewhere.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.