Q: I often feel like an outsider in this office. I am 61 and slightly overweight, and I have gray hair. All my co-workers are in their 20s and 30s. The whole group goes out for "happy hour" once every six weeks. My boss's boss came up with this idea, and he always attends.

I usually avoid these get-togethers, because I don't feel comfortable with the youngsters. A good friend said that my colleagues and managers will think that I'm snubbing them. I had a pretty good time at one happy hour, but I've skipped the last two. Should I start going?

A: When you were bopping to the Beatles and watching the first moon landing, your office cohorts weren't even born. So of course you feel different. But the more you let these feelings isolate you, the more you actually will become an outsider.

Happy hours are not a job requirement, so you shouldn't feel obligated to go. However, attendance does bring political benefits.

Social interaction will strengthen your working relationships. And because your boss's boss organized these outings, he may notice who shows up — and, more important, who doesn't.

Chatting with the young folks may be easier than you think. Simply listen to their stories, ask about their interests and look for common bonds. You might enjoy getting to know them.

Your last happy-hour experience went well, so give it another try. A few months from now, you may wonder why you stayed home.

MARIE G. McINTYRE

OFFICE COACH

Q: Last year, I sent my résumé to a top job-search agency. The agency placed me in a position that turned out to be a total mismatch for my background, experience and personality.

After three months, I asked the people at the agency to help me find another job. They said that would be ethically inappropriate, because my current employer is their client. However, I think they were ethically wrong to place me here.

Now this agency is advertising two jobs that fit my qualifications, so I again asked to be reactivated. No one ever called back, and I suspect they are blackballing me. Can the agency refuse to send out my résumé?

A: Applicants often become confused about their relationships with recruiters. Unless you paid this agency, you are not its customer. Your employer is.

Companies hire search firms to provide suitable candidates for vacant positions. Having been paid by your company to find you, the agency cannot ethically recruit you to work elsewhere. In fact, its contract probably prohibits it.

The agency therefore has no obligation to "reactivate" you. But if you eventually sever your relationship with this employer, the agency might be able to accept your résumé again.

The agency also isn't responsible for ensuring your happiness with the position. As an applicant, you must decide whether an available job looks like a good fit.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.