Q: I manage four women who bicker constantly. They "cop an attitude" and get defensive about stupid little things.

To make it worse, I recently hired a young, inexperienced secretary who is very rude. When anyone tries to instruct her, she has a smart-mouth response.

I feel like I'm supervising a bunch of tattling 2-year-olds. I wish they all would just shut up, get along and focus on work.

Sometimes I plan what I'm going to say about these issues, then I chicken out. I know I need a stronger backbone, but I'm not the type of manager who likes dealing with conflict. What should I do?

A: Having accepted a management position, you must be willing to do management work, which includes resolving performance problems.

Get these squabbling children together, tell them you're tired of the drama and flatly state that they must start acting like professional adults. They don't have to like one another, but they do have to be cooperative and civil. No bickering, no tattling, no smart-mouth talk.

Their behavior won't change immediately, so view this as an ongoing project. If people bring trivial complaints, remind them of the standards, then change the subject. When you overhear silly quarrels, nip them in the bud.

If your secretary continues to mouth off, coach her privately. Provide examples of her ill-mannered comments, then describe more appropriate responses. Meet with her regularly to assess progress.

If you're too timid for performance discussions, you should get out of management. Many kind, caring, sensitive folks fail as managers because they aren't willing to do the tough stuff.

But here's the fun part. When you see improvement, reward your group with a staff celebration.

MARIE G. McINTYRE

OFFICE COACH

Q: I suffer from throwing temper tantrums at work. Afterward, I feel that I have acted like a spoiled brat. When I enter a situation that I know will set me off, I tell myself to remain calm, but then I lose control. Is there some technique I can use to stop this?

A: Stifling your anger is only half the battle in preventing a meltdown. You also must identify more mature behaviors to replace the tantrums.

You may find a clue in the pattern of your reactions. Do you lose it with everyone, including your boss and upper management?

If you restrain yourself with higher-ups, then you have the ability to maintain control. You're just not making the effort in safer situations. So try to replicate these tactics with other annoying people.

Books and workshops on anger management can provide additional strategies.

But if none of this does the trick, find a counselor who specializes in anger issues.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.