Q: At work, I'm the "nice guy" whom everybody likes. Lately, however, I've had problems with a female co-worker. For five years, "Kelly" and I have had a friendly relationship, but now she avoids me.

About a month ago, when our boss went on vacation, I brought in doughnuts for everyone to celebrate his absence. I also anonymously put flowers on Kelly's desk with a card that read, "Have a nice day." She immediately became very standoffish.

I thought it might help to come forward, so I confessed that I brought the flowers and asked if everything was OK. She thanked me and said there was no problem, but she hasn't been the same since.

Kelly recently ended a long relationship with the father of her children. Now I hear she thinks I'm trying to "take a shot" at her.

I'd like to get everything out in the open by talking privately, but I don't think Kelly will allow it. Because I'm very in tune with emotions, this tension really bothers me. I've even thought about quitting. What should I do?

MARIE G. McINTYRE

OFFICE COACH

A: Kelly's discomfort is understandable. She's already on an emotional roller coaster, and now she fears that her office buddy is hitting on her.

A private heart-to-heart is what Kelly is trying to avoid. So don't go that route. Instead, clearly state your harmless intentions, then drop the subject.

For example: "Kelly, I'm afraid you may think that I want us to be more than just friends, but I only want the same friendly relationship that we've always had. I won't bring it up again, but I do hope everything can get back to normal."

Then switch to a neutral topic without waiting for a reply. If you act like an ordinary, pleasant colleague, eventually she'll reciprocate.

But you also need to examine your own feelings and motives. You brought doughnuts for everyone but gave flowers only to Kelly. And you did so shortly after she became socially available.

If Kelly has read your true wishes correctly, you'll need to call on your emotional sensitivity to keep your emotions in check.

Q: I was made acting manager when my boss went out on leave several weeks ago. Before she left, she was struggling in several areas. The regional manager asked me to work on those problems.

Now, I think the regional manager might like to give me the job permanently. I want to approach him about keeping the position before my boss comes back. How should I do this?

A: Trying to steal your absent boss's job is rather devious. But expressing your interest in management is perfectly OK.

Tell the regional manager that you've enjoyed the "acting" role and hope to pursue a management career. Wait for him to decide if this is your first step.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.