Job description: Must be prepared at a moment's notice to deal with other people's distress, sadness, fear, pain and death. Skills needed: considerable. Hours: too many to mention. Rewards: priceless.
Would you answer the ad?
 Photos by LEITA COWART/Special |
| Carol 'Zoe' Klingler of Visiting Nurse Hospice Atlanta checks Arthur Eastman's hands at his home. 'Helping other people is a blessing to me,' she said. |
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| Kurt A. Kegel is a family law practitioner with Davis, Matthews & Quigley. He said handling cases that involve mistreatment of children, in particular, 'makes you appreciate what you have.' |
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| 'It energizes me to know that I can be a bridge and a caregiver for a family during their darkest time,' said funeral director David Roach. |
We know that life isn't all sweetness and light, but, given a choice, most of us probably wouldn't choose jobs in which we consistently meet people at the worst times of their lives.
Fortunately, hospice workers, domestic relations attorneys and funeral directors, to name a few, are willing to do that every day. Why? They feel called to help — and know that they can.
CAROL "ZOE" KLINGLER, hospice nurse
In 1976, Carol "Zoe" Klingler, a nurse, helped her mother care for her dying father at home. Hospice, which is compassionate care that meets the physical and emotional needs of terminally ill patients at care facilities or in their homes, was a new movement in America then. She didn't know about it.
"When I heard about this role, I knew I'd do it someday. My mother and I would have loved some advice and guidance," she said.
Klingler worked in hospice periodically when her children were younger, and, in 1994, she joined Visiting Nurse Hospice Atlanta full time. Her job is to help control the pain and symptoms of terminally ill patients and to help their families care for them and, then, say goodbye.
"My job is to enhance life as long as God gives it," she said. "It's a wonderful feeling to be able to relieve someone's symptoms. We can't always do a perfect job, but we can make things better."
Klingler said that being comfortable with her own mortality and her Christian faith allows her to deal with other people's suffering.
She knows that the family has been on a journey before her and will continue on once she is gone, but, for this brief time, she will travel with them as clinician, educator, comforter and friend.
"You can't help but love them. You shed tears with them and share their smiles and victories," Klingler said. "You know so much more when you sit in someone's kitchen and have coffee with them. You become attuned to others' needs and relationships, and it informs your practice.
"You learn to listen more than you talk, and [you] learn what you can change and what you can't."
When patients' symptoms are controlled, they may feel well enough to go get doughnuts with their grandchildren or to go fishing.
"The positive thing about an expected death is that people have the ability to make things right, to plan for their loved ones, to tell stories and make memories," Klingler said.
"I tell patients that dying just may be their finest hour."
Klingler constantly is inspired by the families she serves, and she draws strength for the job from her relationships with her own family (husband, three children and nine grandchildren) and friends.
"People burn out when there's no fuel. You have to find a source of fuel when your job is working with people in bad situations. You can't give what you don't have," Klingler said.
She's discovered that happiness is a byproduct of serving others.
"Helping other people is a blessing to me," she said.
KURT A. KEGEL, family law attorney
As a sophomore in college, Kurt A. Kegel knew he wanted to be a lawyer. An internship with the Gwinnett County district attorney's office taught him what kind.
"I knew I always wanted to be involved with people and help them in difficult situations," he said. "I saw the benefits of being able to give something back."
As a family law practitioner with Davis, Matthews & Quigley, Kegel handles matters such as divorce, child custody and visitation, child support, family violence and other domestic-relations issues.
"A lot of my clients are in distress and under great emotional strain," Kegel said. "I can empathize, because I've gone through a divorce, and I tell them that there will be an end to the process and that they aren't alone."
He may recommend a counselor or therapist for emotional issues, but he can allay fears and answer questions about the legal process.
Over the years, he's developed an expert knowledge of the body of family law, but each case is different.
"You think you've seen it all, and then the next case comes through the door," he said.
A divorce or custody case is a highly charged, personal process, and Kegel knows he will hear the worst, nitty-gritty details of relationships.
"Some cases are harder than others, especially the ones when you suspect something inappropriate happened with a child or you see someone using a child as a pawn," he said. "Some days I walk out of here thanking God that I'm going home to my wife and children and can leave work at the office. It makes you appreciate what you have."
The client/lawyer relationship is a delicate balance. Kegel knows that a client has to be comfortable with his or her lawyer and be able to trust the lawyer's advice. A lawyer has to care about the people he or she serves.
"But a lawyer has to maintain a level of objectivity," Kegel said. "You can't afford to get so emotionally involved that you take on the case as a cause. If you lose your objectivity, you're doing your clients a disservice and not giving them the best help."
Kegel has served as past chairman of the State Bar of Family Law Section of the State Bar of Georgia and is a fellow in the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. He keeps improving his skills, because he wants to stay in family practice.
"There is a great sense of satisfaction in helping people through a very difficult time in their lives," he said.
DAVID ROACH, funeral director
Growing up as a minister's son in Thomaston, David Roach attended many funeral services with his father and knew by age 15 that he would work in the funeral profession.
"I wasn't obsessed with death but saw a real opportunity to help families," Roach said.
He worked part time at a funeral home through high school and earned his degree from the Gupton-Jones College of Funeral Service in Decatur. After working for others, he opened West Cobb Funeral Home in Marietta 14 years ago.
"A funeral home is not like other businesses. It takes time to become established," he said. "People have to trust you, to turn over their loved ones to your care. If you have a passion for what you do and listen to what people need and want, word-of-mouth is your best marketing."
Roach focuses on his known "to-do" list every morning, knowing that he has no control over the many unknowns that will happen.
"Staying adaptable is the only way to cope in this business," he said. "It can be quiet and, in a split second, three families will call, and you have to be able to offer comfort and the right answers to a multitude of questions."
Arrangements and services have grown more complex. The call may be about a cremation, shipment of a body overseas, a religious service or a celebration of life.
In a diverse society, Roach has to be attuned to religious and cultural differences, but every family wants his undivided attention.
"You listen and be prepared to help them with whatever they want," Roach said. "Emotions are universal, but people are in different stages of grief. They may be distraught, angry or numb. We may not talk about arrangements at all for the first half-hour, but [I'll] just listen to what they have to say. Talking helps them meet the situation."
Even with a dedicated staff, his days are often long, and vacations may be cut short.
"I have the most understanding wife in the world, and the kids know it's what I do," Roach said. "We go to Destin [on vacation], because I can often fly out early in the morning, be here for a service if a family has asked for me to be there, and fly back to my family that night."
Roach considers his career a calling, and, even after 30-plus years, he feels as if he is just getting started.
Many families will come up to him years later and say some version of "You may not remember us, but you helped with our dad's funeral, and you'll never know how much we appreciated what you did."
"Those words ignite you," Roach said, "because you know you are making a difference."