Q: Six weeks ago, my husband had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor. Because he needed intensive treatment, I took leave from my job to care for him.

During this difficult time, only three co-workers have contacted me to see how we are doing. There are 30 people in my office, and I have worked there for four years.

Clipart.com (ENLARGE)

I've always had a good relationship with my colleagues, so I am hurt and disappointed by this treatment. Frankly, I am disgusted with them. I can't seem to get beyond these feelings.

When I go back to work, I know people will ask about my husband's condition. Because they weren't there when I needed support, I have no desire to discuss his health with them. How should I handle their questions?

A: You and your husband have experienced a terrifying crisis that consumed every waking moment of your lives. From your perspective, your co-workers' silence indicates a lack of concern for your suffering. However, that's not necessarily true.

Because people react to illness differently, some may assume that contacting you would be intrusive. In a group of 30 employees, some probably feel they don't know you well enough. Others may be unsure about what to say, so they put off saying anything.

Would sending a card or an e-mail have been the thoughtful thing to do? Absolutely. But this oversight doesn't mean that your co-workers are uninterested. They've probably received regular updates from those who are in touch with you.

When you return to the office, many well-meaning folks will greet you with genuine sympathy and concern. Try to accept these sentiments as authentic and respond graciously.

If you prefer not to share detailed information, just say: "My husband is doing very well. Thanks for asking." And leave it at that.

The caring colleagues who supported you during your ordeal always will have a special place in your heart. If some of the others are insensitive or indifferent, don't waste emotional energy fretting about them.

MARIE G. McINTYRE

OFFICE COACH

Q: When I submit applications through a company's Web site, I never get a response. My well-written cover letter and résumé seem to disappear into some kind of black hole. Do you think companies sometimes list fake jobs to give investors the impression that they're growing?

A: Your lack of feedback can be explained without a conspiracy theory.

Advertised jobs are a mixed blessing. The good news is that you know a position is available. The bad news is that everyone else knows.

Because ads generate a large response, recruiters simply don't have time for individual replies. So applicants seldom hear anything, unless they are asked to interview.

To avoid the black hole, develop personal contacts through networking. That way, you may learn about openings before they're posted.

Networking requires more effort than online submissions, but, unfortunately, it takes work to find work.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.