Q: Shortly after I joined this company, my new boss asked me to have dinner. I assumed we were going to discuss personnel issues in my department.

As we were eating, she stared glowingly into my eyes and revealed that she is gay. I almost choked on my food. I am not gay, and this never has happened to me before.

Now I feel like I want to run away from this job and start over somewhere else. How do I handle this awkward situation?

A: Your reaction should be determined by what's happened since this unexpected revelation. Your manager's startling announcement wasn't necessarily a proposition.

She may have wanted you to hear this news from her rather than the office grapevine. Dinner may have felt more appropriate than a business meeting for such a personal disclosure. And "glowing" is obviously a subjective interpretation of her expression.

So if she hasn't broached the subject again, just continue to interact with her in a businesslike manner.

On the other hand, improper overtures, including repeated dinner invitations, would constitute sexual harassment. In that case, report the inappropriate behavior to your human resources department immediately.

If nothing of that sort occurs, however, try not to be distracted by this information about her personal life.

MARIE G. McINTYRE

OFFICE COACH

Q: After a recent promotion, I have two former co-workers reporting to me. Supervising them has become very challenging.

"Ellen" refuses to recognize me as her boss. She butts in when I'm giving instructions to her co-worker and acts like she's also a supervisor. "Terry" frequently comes into my office to gossip.

If I constantly remind them that I am now the manager, I'll look like I'm full of myself. How do I get them to change their behavior?

A: The transition from peer to boss is tough. New supervisors always feel as though they're faking it. But you are indeed a manager, so you must start acting like one, even if it doesn't seem quite natural yet.

First, sit down with Ellen and Terry and acknowledge that this change is difficult for everyone. You're getting accustomed to your new role, and so are they. Ask their opinions of what makes a good supervisor, then share your own views. This will help to establish you in the manager role without any heavy-handed proclamations.

When Terry launches into a gossip session, politely say you must get back to work.

And if Ellen attempts to hijack your instructions, calmly stand your ground. Look her in the eye, smile and say, "Ellen, I'm not quite finished with what I was saying to Terry." Then keep on talking. This is called using the authority of your position, which is a skill all new managers need to practice.

Q: The owner of the business where I work is a tyrant. Sometimes she blows up at us; other times, she gives us the silent treatment. She constantly changes the way she wants to do things, then gets mad when we make those changes. She hires her relatives and lets them do whatever they want, while the rest of us have to work long hours for little pay. What can the employees do about this?

A: If your unstable and abusive boss owns the company, she can do pretty much whatever she wants, as long as it's not illegal. And her relatives can do whatever she allows them to get away with.

You could confront her about these issues, but I doubt it would do any good. Her behavior isn't going to change. Since no one can tell her what to do, she's free to act any way she likes. And she apparently enjoys acting like a maniac.

If you're overworked, underpaid and treated with no respect, why are you staying there? Start looking for a more humane place to work. Although a job search is no fun, it's better than the living hell that you describe.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.