Q: Although I've worked successfully for 10 years, I believe my quiet demeanor is holding me back. I'm not shy, but I have trouble finding things to say to people.
Because I seldom speak up in meetings, I've been labeled a quiet person. I always give my input when asked, but I seldom contribute to the discussion.
I prefer working alone at my computer, but I know that won't get me where I want to go. I'll never be the office party guy, but I need some suggestions on how to interact in social situations and meetings.
A: While working on your social skills, be sure to recognize the strengths of your natural temperament. Quiet people are appreciated for their calming presence and willingness to listen.
Chatterboxes eventually get tuned out, but everyone pays attention when quieter people speak. So don't aim for a personality makeover. Just become talkative enough to demonstrate your value and build relationships.
Social events and meetings probably pose different challenges for you. In casual settings, you're not sure what to say. In meetings, you undoubtedly have much to contribute, but something is holding you back.
Socially, the best conversation-starter is a question that shows interest in the other person. But you must be specific. If you say, "How are things at work?," the likely answer is "Fine." Then you're back where you started. Asking "What's the biggest challenge on the software project?" or "How have you been affected by the budget cuts?" will produce a more detailed response.
To move beyond work topics, inquire about family, pets, vacations or current events. Avoid potentially controversial subjects such as religion and politics.
Once a conversation is under way, be sure to share your own views or experiences. Questions are useful, but too many can resemble an interrogation.
In meetings, your silence may reflect a fear of sounding stupid or saying something inappropriate. But don't waste time overanalyzing your anxiety. Instead, just take the plunge and verbalize your thoughts. Otherwise, your knowledge and ideas will go unrecognized.
Once you discover that your fears are groundless, speaking up will become more comfortable.
Q: I forgot to do a task assigned by my boss. Now he's avoiding me.
He communicates with me either indirectly or not at all. How should I handle this situation?
A: Your silly manager is pouting like an angry little kid. But, because he's the boss, pointing that out would be politically self-defeating.
Although I'm sure you've apologized already, he apparently wants more. Ask if you can do anything to repair the problem and tell him it won't happen again.
If he continues to act like a 6-year-old, stop worrying about it. Just be friendly and helpful, and act like nothing's wrong. If you ignore his sulky behavior, he'll return to normal eventually.
- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.