According to research by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, pubished in the New England Journal of Medicine, we are more likely to become obese if a friend becomes obese — even if that friend lives far away. The researchers found similar results when studying the link between friends and people who start or stop smoking.
I am fascinated by these findings, and I believe them. I've seen the concept play out in the lives of my career-counseling clients, albeit in different forms.
Formerly happy workers suddenly will consider switching jobs when a co-worker gives notice. Workers will embark on self-improvement plans after a co-worker does so, and I've definitely seen the influence of one person on the wardrobe choices of others. As far as I can tell, we're very much a "monkey-see, monkey-do" population.
Unfortunately, the same concept seems to apply to negative behavior. One hostile worker can have an enormous impact on the morale of an entire team, just as a slacker can make normal productivity seem overly ambitious.
It might seem like your best bet is to hang around with only super-achievers. Some people do just that, casting off lower-achieving friends as they march up the ladder toward their goals. Most of us, however, would feel a twinge of conscience about cherry-picking our friends, and few of us are able to hand-select our co-workers.
So how can we make use of the correlation between our behavior and that of the people around us?
Simple. Instead of cutting people out of your life, why not dilute the effect of the bad influences by adding more "rising stars" to your circle? That way, you get to keep a rich variety of acquaintances while also ensuring that you have a few people in your world to look up to. You also get to be the person someone else looks up to, which isn't a bad thing, either.
There are caveats to this solution. When you are trying to achieve something especially difficult, you really do need to limit contact with those who are pulling you back. I'm thinking of job-seekers I've helped, mostly women, who were struggling to leave public assistance for wage-earning jobs. Some of their friends didn't seem to want one of their circle to make such a drastic change.
The job-seekers were torn between familiarity with the old world and the hope (but not assurance) of something better. The solution was to leave, both physically and emotionally, the unsupportive people.
Luckily, most people don't have to use such drastic measures when applying the concept of social influence to a job search or career planning.
Here are two simple examples to get you started:
At a job club: If you attend meetings for support and new ideas but find that the sessions are dominated by woe-is-me types, stop going. But before you leave, ask the person you think is most likely to succeed in his or her endeavors to meet for coffee, perhaps even on a weekly basis. Your goal is to keep pace with your new friend's job-search efforts while offering him or her your support in return.
At work: If you're surrounded by slackers, introduce a new element in your life, such as a mentor from another department or a professional association. Perhaps now is a good time to take a class. If nothing else, join the local chapter of Toastmasters. You may not use public speaking in your job, but it's a good skill to sharpen, and others in the group are there to improve themselves.
In the end, progress toward goals and emotional happiness are your responsibilities; managing your relationships is a vital aspect of success in both areas.
- Amy Lindgren owns Prototype Career Service, a career consulting firm in St. Paul, Minn. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecare rservice.com or at 1071 W. Seventh St., St. Paul, MN 55102.