Q: My husband and I teach at the same school. This year, a new, young math teacher started openly flirting with my husband. She hugs him, rubs his shoulders and so forth, often in my presence. I know it's silly, but her behavior really bothers me. What should I do?
A: You're not being silly at all. Wanting this hussy to keep her hands off your husband is completely normal. Hugging and rubbing clearly cross the line.
The math teacher may be the problem, but the solution lies with your husband. It's his responsibility to stop it. If he hugs her back or gives a deep, happy sigh during a shoulder massage, he's sending the wrong message.
Without getting overly upset or dramatic, tell your hubby exactly how you feel and what you want him to do. For example: "You may think this is silly, but I really hate it when Mary hugs you or rubs your shoulders. I would appreciate it if you would ask her to stop."
If he's slow to catch on, ask how he would feel if the situation were reversed: "Suppose that Bob kept touching me and giving me back rubs. Would you like that?"
If he resists talking to her about it, ask him to do so as a favor to you. Your feelings should be more important than hers.
Q: After being the acting manager for a year, I finally got an official promotion to manager. Both of my employees interviewed for the position, but I was selected. Now one of them, "Dan," has stopped communicating with me.
Dan won't respond to my e-mails, fails to send me information and generally gives me the silent treatment. He is an excellent worker, but this situation isn't working at all.
Although our hours overlap, we're on different shifts. We need a strong communication link to ensure that information is transferred from one shift to the next. Do you have any ideas?
A: Schedule a meeting when you both have time to talk. Acknowledge Dan's feelings, but make it clear that communication must improve.
For example: "I know you may be disappointed that you weren't selected as the manager. But you and I still have to communicate about work, and lately that hasn't been happening. I need for us to agree on the best way to communicate during the shift change." Then ask what he would suggest.
As a new manager, you also need to examine your leadership style to be sure that you're not triggering this hostile behavior. Your employees might have applied for the manager job because they did not like working for you when you were "acting."
- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.