Q: My husband, "Don," is having problems with a new boss. During 25 years as a sales representative, Don has received many awards, including some on a national level. His new manager has little experience, a poor work ethic and low past-performance numbers, so it is aggravating to have him evaluate my husband. We can't figure out why this guy was promoted.
Now the manager says that Don needs to start planning his sales calls. After 25 years, what is there to plan? What can I do to help my husband?
A: This manager may be a lightweight, but he's the boss, like it or not. His position gives him the power to make your husband's life better or worse.
When a new manager has a different work style than the previous one, the adjustment is often difficult. Some employees become oppositional, but that's a big mistake. A power struggle with the boss can be a quick career-killer.
So if this manager wants more planning, Don would be wise to comply, as long as the change won't hurt customer relationships. Your husband's long experience could be a bit intimidating, so the new guy's directives may be an attempt to mask his own insecurity.
Don needs to recognize that "managing up" is a critical political skill in every organization. He can vent his frustrations at home, but at work he must act like a helpful, supportive employee.
Q: My co-worker always tells me about the parties she hosts and all the co-workers who attend. Recently, she showed me a document she made that turned out to be an invitation to another party. This hurts my feelings, because I'm never invited. I don't know how to handle this.
A: Your co-worker is either deliberately unkind or dreadfully insensitive. Is there any reason you don't fit into this social group, like being in a different job or department? Are you the only uninvited person, or are others left off the guest list? Is this co-worker angry with you for some reason?
The simplest strategy for you is to stop engaging in these conversations. When the social butterfly mentions a party, just smile and say, "That's great, but I have to get back to work." Then return to your tasks.
Another possibility is the direct approach. Tell your colleague that it hurts your feelings to hear about parties from which you are excluded. Ask why she keeps telling you about them.
Or you might stop waiting to be invited and organize your own social event. Then determine whether to invite the party girl.
Finally, remember that these parties are only important because you choose to make them so. Once you decide that this ill-mannered person and her activities really don't matter, your resentment may disappear.
- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.