Have you heard about recent studies claiming that the current generation of young adults was raised with too much self-esteem? It seems the narcissism rate for this generation is higher than it has been in generations past. If you're a narcissist, you don't like to hear the word "no."
I'm not sure I agree with the study results, but I'm of a generation that was raised with too much intellectual egotism. I have a sense of entitlement about being right.
I'll leave the studies to the experts. In the meantime, I'm fascinated by the concept of an entire generation that doesn't like to hear the word "no." I don't like the word much, either, and I don't know many people -- of any age -- who do. And yet, I've come to think that "no" is one of the most valuable words in the English language if you are in a job search or career transition.
For example, a "no" heard at just the right moment can divert one from what would have been a disastrous career choice or terrible employer. Did you ever look back in relief at a job you were denied? If so, you have experienced a fortuitous "no." What about the "no" that kept you from attending a particular college but delivered you into the arms of a future spouse at your second-choice school? Or the "no" that kept you from being transferred to -- and later laid off from -- a choice job at work?
Most of us have experienced and been grateful for the "lucky no." Unfortunately, the gratitude is nearly always a delayed reaction, as there's no way to differentiate in real time between the "lucky no" and the "lousy no." Without the benefit of hindsight, the only thing we know for certain is the sting of disappointment.
The disappointment is inevitable, so the reasonable course is to learn how to handle it. Some of the "no's" you hear while job-searching will turn out to be the ones for which you are grateful later.
In the world of cold-calling for sales, there's a popular chart. It's a grid with 100 boxes. The first 99 boxes are filled in with the word "no," and the last box has the word "yes." Message? It may take 99 rejections before you make a sale. The sooner you get started, the sooner you will get through all those "no's" so that you can reach the person who will say "yes." In this model, the salesperson welcomes the "no" as one more step on the way to "yes."
To make this philosophy work, you need two things: faith that someone eventually will say "yes" and the stamina to keep trying until someone does.
With many job-seekers I counsel, one or both of those elements is missing or somewhat impaired. After only a few rejections, these would-be workers declare, "There are no jobs out there." Or "No one will hire me because . . ." Or even "I'm going to wait until the economy improves."
This is not a terrific strategy. Whatever the state of the economy, it never will improve to the point of eliminating the word "no" from employers' vocabulary. To help people get over this discomfort with rejection, I ask them to consider the word differently. When you hear "no" in a job search, try substituting one of these phrases: "Not now, "not yet" or "not this time."
I admit, the difference is marginal. You're still being turned down for a job. But "not now" is much closer to the truth of the situation than a simple "no." While "no" can be interpreted as "Not you, not ever" (ouch!), "not now" more likely means "This isn't the right fit for us; try again later."
Which would you rather hear? Then interpret the "no" that way and move on to the next employer. I can almost guarantee that, if you choose to interpret "no" as "There are no jobs out there and no one will hire me," you will be unemployed for a long time. It's nearly impossible to maintain a job search when you believe it to be pointless.
So pop on your rose-colored glasses, get out your grid with 100 squares on it, and start collecting your "no's." Unless you're going for a very rare job indeed, I have a pretty good idea that you'll get a "yes" long before the 100th box is filled in.
- Amy Lindgren owns Prototype Career Service, a career consulting firm in St. Paul, Minn. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecareerservice.com or at 1071 W. Seventh St., St. Paul, MN 55102.