Q: I have worked for a house painter for 15 months. I am 47 and have been painting for six years. I like the owner of the business, but the problem is "Joe," my co-worker and foreman, who criticizes me constantly. He is 34 and has worked here for five years.
I almost quit a few months ago because of all the criticism. When I met with the owner, he persuaded me to stay, even though Joe said I wasn't a very good painter.
I'm the kind of person who needs to be complimented or at least told that I am appreciated. Joe never praises my work, and when he points out problems, he does it in a judgmental style.
I'm ready to quit again. Should I go back to the owner and tell him how unhappy I am? Do I confront my co-worker? Or just keep quiet and look for another job? I refuse to have this guy tell me how to paint anymore.
A: You can talk all you want about requiring compliments and refusing criticism, but for now you are stuck with your painting partner. And if you quit without another job, you're the only one who suffers.
By encouraging you to stay, the owner showed that he values your work. If you go back with more complaints, you risk looking like an overly sensitive whiner.
Despite being younger, Joe is the foreman, so supervising your work is part of his job. Confronting him could be viewed as insubordinate. Besides, nothing you say is likely to change him. So you are left with two options: either adapt or find a work environment better suited to your personality.
If you decide to stick it out, try to control your emotional reactions and ignore Joe's fault-finding. By allowing this guy to push your buttons, you grant him a lot of power. But if you keep your cool, his derisive comments just become background noise.
Although people like Joe appear arrogant, they are actually kind of pathetic. Their haughty behavior masks a strong sense of inadequacy. They put down others in order to feel better about themselves. So when Joe points out flaws, smile, keep painting and quietly remind yourself that you are the more mature person. Then be sure to act that way.
- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.