Q: I have a co-worker who constantly tries to bully me. She physically hovers over me, backs me up to my desk or crowds me against the wall. When I asked her to hold the door because my arms were full of packages, she let the door shut in my face and laughed.
She lies and exaggerates all the time. And no matter what I say, she contradicts my comment. If I say it's raining, she replies that it's not really raining yet or that it's stopped raining. She has treated other co-workers like this before, so I think I'm fresh meat to her.
I do not know how to deal with this woman. I've tried ignoring her and avoiding being in close spaces with her. I want to deprive her of the sick thrill of annoying me, but I can't always avoid her. Is there anything else I can do?
A: Your intimidating colleague is more than annoying. She sounds emotionally disturbed. So where the heck is your boss? And your HR manager? Someone needs to put an end to this reign of terror.
Because you are not the first person to be persecuted by this bully, you should band with previous victims and take the problem to management. Group action will enhance your credibility and increase the odds that the issue will be addressed.
Meanwhile, continue to keep your distance and minimize interaction. Don't respond to her contradictory remarks, ignore the lies unless they are about you, and never ask her to hold a door or assist you in any way. Observe how others deal with her, and emulate behaviors that seem to work.
When you must be around her, don't be a wimp. Passivity and submissiveness encourage aggressive people to become more aggressive. Never let her see that she disturbs you.
If she physically crowds you, stand your ground. Should she persist, tell her to move back. You might even take a step in her direction. But don't touch her, because that could escalate into a physical altercation.
Q: My department recently moved to a new building. During the move, our boss reconfigured the office assignments based on job responsibilities. He gave me an office that originally was designated for another person.
This decision offended my co-worker personally and professionally, and I think she blames me for it. Now I feel guilty, even though I didn't instigate the change. How can we move forward?
A: Ask your boss to explain to everyone how the office assignments were made. Then assure your colleague that you did not lobby for this office; it was given to you, and you hope there are no hard feelings. After that, forget about it and give her resentment time to subside.
Unless your co-worker is extremely immature, she'll get over her disappointment, and your relationship soon will be back on track.
- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.