Perhaps it's inevitable that we think about change at year's end. As we close out the books and switch calendars, our thoughts naturally turn to goals unmet and things we'd like to do differently in 2008.
So we make a list of resolutions. Yet, for most of us, within three weeks those good intentions go by the wayside. Why?
 LEITA COWART/Special |
| Bob Reissiger, principal of Bob Reissiger Life and Business Coaching, says having someone to hold you accountable can keep plans on track. |
 LEITA COWART/Special |
| Barb Giamanco, CEO of Talent Builders Inc., says it's easier to set one big goal and work toward it consistently than to set dozens of goals. 'Many of us tend to be unrealistic about how many things we can tackle at once,' she said. |
 LEITA COWART/Special |
| Maci Tater, psychotherapist and master career counselor, says to ask, 'What's prompting you to want to change?' |
Because real change is a process; it's not a list.
There are more-effective ways to achieve transformation, say three Atlanta life and business coaches. Here is their advice.
"Find a coach or, at minimum, an accountability partner or friend who will walk alongside you," said Bob Reissiger, principal of Bob Reissiger Life and Business Coaching. "The reason many people don't fulfill their resolutions is that they don't have anyone encouraging them or holding them accountable. When you speak your goals to someone else, they seem more concrete."
He uses his 31 years of business experience and his training from the Coaches Training Institute to help people become more aware of their unique talents and personalities, identify their values and compelling passions, and develop professionally and personally.
"We live in a transient society, where families break up or move away, and everyone is busy on the treadmill of life," he said. "We don't always have that older, wiser family member we can go to for advice, yet we weren't made to be alone. A coach can come alongside and fill that void."
A coach is different from either a therapist or a friend, Reissiger said.
"A therapist focuses more on the past and healing or solving a problem," he said. "A coach deals with the present and the future and wants to empower a client to make changes."
A coach can be more objective than a friend and has the training and skills to help clients through the process of change.
Clients come to coaching for many reasons — to become more productive, make a career change, be more-effective bosses or gain advancement. Starting with clients' goals, Reissiger asks questions to help people look at what may be preventing them from achieving results.
"When someone realizes where he is stuck, then I can shake things up by offering different perspectives and choices. People always have a choice but may not be aware of the wide array of choices," Reissiger said.
When clients become more self-aware and make compelling choices that are aligned with their gifts and values, they can move forward and change.
"[The client is] more satisfied and fulfilled, and those choices often have a greater impact than just
[resolving] the issue he wanted to work on," Reissiger said. "Ninety-nine percent of the time, the client realizes significant changes in all spheres of his life."
A coach doesn't solve problems. He or she helps clients find their own way and holds them accountable to stay focused and follow through.
"Clients come to change something. A coach encourages learning and action, and that action brings more learning, which brings more action," Reissiger said. "It's all about empowering."
"Be selective. Choose only those things that are most important
to you personally," said Barb Giamanco, CEO of Talent Builders Inc.,
a provider of people-development products and programs, and co-founder with Shannon Taylor of the Women's Mentor Network.
"When it comes to resolutions, people get caught up in the things they think they should do, instead of what matters most to them," she said.
Society tells us to lose weight, exercise, eat right, be more productive at work, save more money, get organized and manage our time.
"Before you know it, we've got a list of 20 things that we've resolved to do. When we realize that there's no way we can do it all, we start to feel frustrated and wonder, 'What's wrong with me?' " Giamanco said. "Many of us tend to be unrealistic about how many things we can tackle at once."
A list of resolutions doesn't work when the things on it are things we think we should do, instead of things we really want to do, because we don't make the commitment to follow through.
Before you burden yourself with a long list of resolutions — perhaps the same list you've been making for years — take time to decide what you really want to change. Focus on the things that are most important to you.
"Choose one big goal, and take some action on it every day. Ask yourself, 'What is one small thing I can do today to support my goal?' " Giamanco said.
If your goal is to be healthy, for example, you might decide to walk before work, eat a salad at lunch or get a blood-pressure screening. If the goal is to find a new job, your steps might include rewriting your résumé, calling five contacts in your network, joining a professional organization or taking a course to increase your skills.
"The most important things are often the hardest to work on, but by tackling them first, you may find that other things fall into place," Giamanco said.
You'll also have the satisfaction of knowing that you are working on something significant to you.
"Figure out a way to measure your progress, set realistic steps toward accomplishing your goal, put a time frame on them and then go for it," she said.
"Approach the change process in a more nurturing way. Effective change has to do with the spirit or attitude with which it is undertaken," said Maci Tater, psychotherapist and master career counselor with the Atlanta Career Alliance.
"Those who function under the mistaken notion that they are fundamentally flawed or broken and need to make this change or that change to be acceptable will go from one self-improvement project to the next," Tater said.
It's easier to change when you accept yourself and realize you don't have to be perfect in all areas of your life. Everyone changes, she noted. Making real and positive change begins with deep listening.
"You have to step outside of your daily activity and get to some quiet place inside. Use meditation or movement or being in nature — whatever will get you off autopilot," Tater said. "We're inundated with what's publicized as a good life. You have to tune out all that noise and listen to yourself. What's prompting you to want to change?"
If you're just trying to escape pain and don't have a clear idea of your target, you're likely to fail.
"If you're hurting, grieving, restless or bored with your life, ask yourself what it is you are longing for, what value or need is not being honored," she said.
Do you need to do more creative projects? Take better care of your body? Spend more time with a loved one?
When you can name the need and the feelings of having that need met — well-
being, zest, joy, excitement or energy — "then you can start brainstorming ways to have more of that feeling in your life," she said.
Start with changes that are doable.
"Change doesn't have to be like climbing Mt. Everest," Tater said. "When we listen to what we're longing for and love, when we start with our core values as the building blocks for a successful life, then change happens much more readily. We can't wait to be there."