Q: I am a married woman who has fallen in love with my boss. He is also married with children. For about a year, we've been fighting a strong attraction for each other.

Although we have tried to be professional and disregard these feelings, the mutual attraction is hard to ignore. We work together very closely, which makes things even more difficult.

What can we do to put this behind us and move on with our lives?

A: Workplace attractions can be intense, because co-workers operate in a self-contained little universe where they share goals, successes, anxieties and frustrations. They also have common acquaintances and occasionally socialize together.

Add physical chemistry to the mix, and romantic fantasies are almost inevitable. "Fantasy" is the operative word, however, because office relationships evade real-world marital issues such as children, in-laws, housework and money.

To keep your daydreams from becoming reality, avoid situations that would make it easy for you to yield to temptation. If the two of you travel together, attend conferences or join the gang for happy hour, eventually you will succumb. Surging hormones are hard to control.

An affair will seem more enticing if your marriage has become predictable and routine. So, to counteract the magnetism of your attractive boss, find some fun and exciting activities to share with your husband.

Most office affairs fizzle out, leaving behind hurt feelings and damaged relationships. And the few lovers who marry can find that their "perfect matches" look quite different in the cold, clear light of shared housing, family and finances.

Q: A supervisor in our office essentially works part time for full-time pay. Our hours are 9 to 5, but "Betty" arrives at 10:30, leaves for lunch at 11:30 and doesn't return until 1:30. This has created a big morale problem.

When her manager was informed about this, he said, "Betty does a great job, and we don't want to lose her, so we're not going to do anything." What can be done?

A: For some reason, Betty clearly has considerable leverage with her boss. One wonders how she can be so valuable when she's gone half the time.

Because her manager refuses to address the issue, your only option is to go over or around him. Individual complaints are easily written off, so make this a group effort. Enlist other concerned colleagues and meet with a supportive executive or human resources manager.

First, present documentation of Betty's arrival and departure times. Then describe the business problems created by an absentee supervisor. For example, she's not available when employees need assistance. And she's a terrible role model for her staff, who may begin to adopt the same schedule.

Any responsible executive quickly will correct such an obvious example of lax management. But if Betty's leverage extends beyond her boss, you may be out of luck.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.