Q: Several months ago, my neighbor decided to leave her husband. Everyone was shocked, because they had seemed like a happy couple.

I helped this woman and her child move out, gave her money and took them into my home for a few weeks. I also helped her get a job in my office.

I recently learned that this "friend" has been coming on to my husband and encouraging him to leave me. I found a message from her on his cellphone saying she missed him and was dying to see him.

My husband said he talked to her only because she was so lonely. He has told her to stop calling and to stay out of our lives.

She still works at my office. I've been with this company for six years, but having her here has ruined everything. Please tell me what I should do.

A: Although your motives were admirable, inviting this woman into your life was not a good decision. Having chosen that course, however, you must live with the consequences.

Like it or not, your back-stabbing neighbor has become a co-worker. So, unless she continues to pursue your husband, you must treat her as you would any other colleague.

Act businesslike, mature and polite, but keep your distance. Your friendship expired the day she started chasing your spouse, so you don't need to be her office buddy.

If you fear she might try to sabotage you, consider giving your boss a heads-up. But don't review the entire soap opera. Just provide a brief summary to make your manager aware of the situation.

Q: No one notices me, even though I do good work. Another lady brags about herself nonstop and puts me down in front of everyone. I never respond, because I am very polite and do not want to make a bad impression on the boss.

This lady got a promotion that I wanted, because she constantly chit-chats with the boss. But talking to him makes me nervous. What can I do about this?

A: To avoid appearing self-centered, you have gone to the opposite extreme. But if no one knows what you're doing, promotions will not come your way. You need to get out of the shadows and start speaking up.

When your manager comes by, be prepared with appropriate questions to ask or interesting information to share. Then you will be able to start a conversation.

If you are originally from another country, cultural differences may add to your discomfort. The assertiveness of U.S. employees might seem inappropriate if your upbringing stressed deference to authority.

To be considered for future promotions, advise your boss or human resources manager of your interest.

Be sure to ask about the requirements. Conversational skills may not be the only reason for your chatty co-worker's promotion.

- Marie G. McIntyre is an Atlanta-based workplace coach. Her weekly column is syndicated by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service. Send questions at www.yourofficecoach.com.