For the unemployed, the underemployed and the unhappily employed, family gatherings during the holidays offer a special challenge. You not only must figure out how to participate without breaking your budget but also have to devise creative ways to fend off job-search tips - including some from people who never have held a job.
To help ensure that your holiday gatherings with loved ones provide more comfort and less therapy fodder, here are a few tips:
1. Don't come in with a chip on your shoulder. Remember that it's natural for your relatives to ask about your job or efforts to find a job. Work is one of the main topics we raise when we're catching up with people.
2. Prepare a couple of humorous stories to relate when asked about work. Whether you've got a boss from the dark side or have had no luck at all in a job search, there's almost certainly something funny to talk about from your experiences. Just be sure you don't veer into bitter irony.
3. Remember the great art of changing the subject. After you answer a question or tell a story, turn to someone else and say, for example: "What about you, Uncle Jack? I heard your company sent you to Singapore last summer. What was that like?"
4. Consider asking for help. If you are trying to get into a particular company, for example, ask relatives if they know anyone who works there. Does anyone at your gathering have a good sense of business fashion? Try to arrange some time to hit the mall together to pick up an interview outfit.
5. If you absolutely don't want to talk about your employment situation, make that known to a few key people before the event starts. Tell the host and a couple of folks you can count on to steer the conversation away when it comes up.
6. As a last resort, if you anticipate nothing but grief from your family, consider changing your plans. It might be better to spend the holidays with friends and catch up with your family later.
Here are a few tips for those hosting family events:
1. Plan plenty of activities. The worst feeling in the world for someone who doesn't want to talk is to find that everything is centered around rooms full of people talking. Put out some board games, ask people to take kids to the park ... anything to mix things up a bit.
2. Give special assignments to family members who are struggling. One way to fit in and feel less awkward is to have something important to do. So save a dish for someone else to prepare, leave some holiday lights to be hung on the bushes, or ask for help wrapping last-minute presents.
3. Stay alert to conversations that seem designed to pin someone against the wall. As the host, you can steer conversations or introduce new topics.
4. Don't ignore the difficult subjects. A brief one-on-one conversation that includes "Call me if I can help" will be remembered as a positive sign of the season and a reminder of a family's love.
- Amy Lindgren owns Prototype Career Service, a career consulting firm in St. Paul, Minn. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecareerservice.com or 1071 W. Seventh St., St. Paul, MN 55102.