Home > Holiday Blog > Archives > 2008 > December > 15 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USSaving faith in Santa
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
EDITOR’S NOTE: THIS COLUMN IS NOT FOR KIDS! IT REVEALS SOME IMPORTANT CHRISTMAS DETAILS YOU MAY NOT WANT YOUR KIDS TO KNOW!
It takes a lot of commitment from parents to maintain the illusion that a fat man in a red suit circles the globe with a team of flying reindeer to deliver presents to children all over the world in just one night.
It’s not an easy story to sell, especially as your kids get older. But is it worth going the extra mile to keep your children believing just a little longer?
My mother sure thought so. She was hard-core about keeping Santa alive for us. She did the normal stuff like eat all the cookies and drink the milk, take us to see Santa and talk about him coming a lot.
But her finest, most committed move, came when my brother was about 8 and starting to doubt. She stamped big work boots in the soot in the fireplace and tracked ash footprints all over her family room carpet to prove that Santa Claus had come.
It worked, and my brother believed until the fifth grade when a very mean nun told him outright in Sunday School that there was NO Santa Claus.
My mom remembers he came home sat in her lap and just cried his eyes out.
He asked her “If there’s not a Santa Claus does that mean there’s not an Easter Bunny and not a Tooth Fairy.” His whole little world just crashed in that one day.
My brother’s daughter is 7 and has been questioning this flying reindeer and fat man story for the last few years. My brother and sister-in-law are crafty about convincing her to believe.
When my niece was doubting the flying reindeer my sister-in-law looked up stories and evidence of them online and showed her. This seemed to reassure her.
Last year my sister-in-law “found” a jingle bell left behind by Santa’s sleigh as further evidence that he exists. My niece has the bell by the mantle ready for Santa to “pick up.”
However, my niece has put her foot down about that Elf on the Shelf story. She said she’ll believe in Santa Claus, but she’s not buying that the elf comes to life and reports back to Santa. My sister-in-law had to give in on that one. She said OK, you’re right but please don’t tell your brother. He’s going to bed so nicely.
The NORAD site that tracks Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve has helped in our both our houses. My 7-year-old daughter was having some doubts last year but showing her that radar site cinched the deal for a little bit longer.
And just this week, I received an e-mail from a company called Santa Speaking. The company provides live calls from Santa Claus. They pitch it as a way to avoid going to the mall Santa who probably doesn’t know if your child has been naughty or nice. (You provide “safe” amounts of info to the company beforehand so the call is personalized.) But I think parents might want to use this more when their kids are starting to doubt.
Despite many parents’ best efforts to preserve their child’s innocent belief in Santa, there is always at least one big mouth in a class trying to blow the lid off the cover-up.
My husband was just that kid in a kindergarten class in Augusta in 1975.
Michael says his mother told him when he was 4 there was no Santa Claus. They were in a store and he pointed to something he liked. She said it was too much and he said that was OK because it wasn’t like birthdays where parents had to pay. Santa Claus would buy it for him. He claims his mother looked him in the eye and told him right there at 4 years old there was NO Santa Claus.
From that point out he saw it as his duty to shed light on this terrible scam. He says in kindergarten he was a muckraker working to expose this racket that made poor kids feel bad about themselves.
He would tell children: “Do you think Santa Claus didn’t like the poor kids as much as the rich and that’s why they got fewer presents? No, your parents just couldn’t afford to buy as much.”
As a first-grade teacher, my sister in law deals with kids like my husband all the time. She has the greatest reply to children who ask her if parents are actually Santa Claus.
She tells them “When children do not believe, Santa Claus does not come. Parents have to give presents to those who don’t believe. But if children do believe, then Santa Claus comes.”
For parents who are wondering if preserving their children’s faith in Santa is worth the effort, I offer this comparison.
My brother, who didn’t find out until the fifth grade, absolutely adores Christmas and is joyful from Halloween until after New Year. He loves the holiday and makes it extremely special for his children.
My husband on the other hand who found out at age 4 pretty much hates Christmas and is Grinch-like the entire season. His mom ruined it for him so he’s still trying to ruin it for others.
How much effort do you make to preserve your child’s faith in Santa Claus? When did you find out and how? How and when did your kids find out? Do you think a belief in Santa Claus adds to the Christmas spirit?
Comments
By Babs
December 15, 2008 8:10 AM | Link to this
I used a similar tactic with my 6-year-old son. He asked me what happens if you don’t believe in Santa. I told him that Santa wouldn’t bring him any presents. He said, “Austin doesn’t believe and they still have Christmas at his house.” I mean to have a talk with Austin’s mother. That night we watched The Polar Express to remove any second thoughts. His faith is restored.
By Ron
December 15, 2008 8:20 AM | Link to this
My children have always known the truth and the reason for the season. They have known santa is a game OTHERS play and not to ruin it for them. They are just as excited as any other child about Christmas.
We chose NOT to do Santa and have been rediculed by many. But my sister, like your brother, was devistated when she found out the truth. I vowed not to cause that type heart ache with my children. Was she fine? Yes. Would she have been fine without ever “believing” in santa? I don’t know but my kids are.
Why teach your children to believe in something that for most children ends in a crying spell? Is it really for the children?
By TS
December 15, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this
We have always told our children that Santa is not real. We have taken them to see Santa and enjoy watching the Santa shows. We love Christmas, but we choose to tell them that the idea of Santa is wonderful - giving to others, spreading cheer, etc. But that is not the reason for the holiday.
I always make certain to tell them NOT to tell other children. We explain that it is very personal and essentially that many parents go to extremes to “lie” to their children. My youngest (8) wishes Santa was real but is glad that we are honest. He knows that he can trust us.
By john
December 15, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this
I struggled with the issue of telling my girls about Santa. I came to this; Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and not about a jolly old elf. I don’t have a problem with Santa in general. but it is the length to which some go to keep it going that I struggle with. It just seems like another way we are letting a Holy-day turn into just a meaningless Holiday.
The best version of Santa I have ever seen was in first Narnia movie. In that Santa was serving the true King; if our current Santa was more like that and more in tune with what Chrstmas really is I would have no issue.
Merry Christmas
By TS
December 15, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this
Well said John
By Koz
December 15, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this
Why teach your children to believe in something that for most children ends in a crying spell? Is it really for the children?
Most children end up crying? Where do you get your facts? Is there a reference book with these numbers? I never cried and I don’t know any other people that cried when they found out.
It is for the children? Of course. My son knows about Jesus and why we celebrate Christmas but he also get lots of joy in believeing in Santa Claus too.
By Chuck
December 15, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this
I really don’t understand the big problem, not believe in Sa nta Clause, that is the most foolish thing I have ever heard of. I am a grown man and I still believe in Santa Clause, this year I have had the oppertunity to play one of his helpers in downtown Duluth this month and to see the looks in the children’s eyes when they first saw Santa and as they huged my neck, it again gave me another reason to believe in Santa Clause. To borrow a phrase from the writer of the letter to Virginia, not believe in Santa Clause, you might as well not believe in faries. Perhaps one of the biggest problems we as adults face is that we do stop believeing, we need that child like fatih that we used to have, the child like faith that they know they moms or dads will catch them when they jump into their arms, not believe in Santa Clause, hog wash, just look into the childrens eyes and even some adults eyes too as they sat in my lap to have their pictures made or to just hug my neck.
By Chuck
December 15, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
I really don’t understand the big problem, not believe in Sa nta Clause, that is the most foolish thing I have ever heard of. I am a grown man and I still believe in Santa Clause, this year I have had the oppertunity to play one of his helpers in downtown Duluth this month and to see the looks in the children’s eyes when they first saw Santa and as they huged my neck, it again gave me another reason to believe in Santa Clause. To borrow a phrase from the writer of the letter to Virginia, not believe in Santa Clause, you might as well not believe in faries. Perhaps one of the biggest problems we as adults face is that we do stop believeing, we need that child like fatih that we used to have, the child like faith that they know they moms or dads will catch them when they jump into their arms, not believe in Santa Clause, hog wash, just look into the childrens eyes and even some adults eyes too as they sat in my lap to have their pictures made or to just hug my neck.
By Chuck
December 15, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this
I really don’t understand the big problem, not believe in Sa nta Clause, that is the most foolish thing I have ever heard of. I am a grown man and I still believe in Santa Clause, this year I have had the oppertunity to play one of his helpers in downtown Duluth this month and to see the looks in the children’s eyes when they first saw Santa and as they huged my neck, it again gave me another reason to believe in Santa Clause. To borrow a phrase from the writer of the letter to Virginia, not believe in Santa Clause, you might as well not believe in faries. Perhaps one of the biggest problems we as adults face is that we do stop believeing, we need that child like fatih that we used to have, the child like faith that they know they moms or dads will catch them when they jump into their arms, not believe in Santa Clause, hog wash, just look into the childrens eyes and even some adults eyes too as they sat in my lap to have their pictures made or to just hug my neck.
By Ron
December 15, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this
Koz, the author stated their brother cried, my sister cried, my best friend cried. How many have you asked “did you cry”? There is no book, simple observation.
So you don’t expect your child to be the least bit dissappointed about finding out the truth? If he is, guess who caused that dissappointment.
What if your child asks you, santa’s not real how can I trust Jesus is? How will you explain that one? I would imagine you would have the same hard time my parents did.
Is it santa a lie? That is a simple yes no question. What does Jesus say about lieing?
By Nan
December 15, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this
Duping kids into believing in Santa is a terrible thing to do to them. Kids aren’t idiots. They get told that “if you’re good, Santa will bring you what you want.” They see other kids behave like total jerks and those kids still get nifty, incredibly expensive toys, while they’ve tried really hard themselves to behave — and instead of the nifty high dollar gift they were hoping for they get a set of Matchbox cars. Bottom line: life isn’t fair, good guys finish last, and no matter how hard you work you get screwed in the end. That’s a lesson everyone learns in some form sooner or later, but I don’t think 4-year-olds need to have it rubbed in their face.
By Phil
December 15, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
We have two grown children(30 & 24)who never believed in Santa Claus. They were taught the true meaning of Christmas from the beginning. Worshipping the true God and receiving presents from family was very exciting to them year after year. Both have grown to love the Christmas season and the exchange of presents. As parents we never regretted our deceision to present the truth in all things, especially Chistmas.
By la
December 15, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
I lied to my oldest (now 16). I would wrap her presents in special paper only from Santa. Then one year she saw the paper in the basement and asked.
One day I decided that some fat guy is not going to get all the thanks and glory for my hard work and effort so my 8 yr was told from the beginning that Santa does not exist.
Jesus for me is the reason for the season. Yes, I believe in miracles but they divine from God. I love the season, lights, everything Pagan about the season, however, I am not truly focused on the reason and can separate the two.
By steve
December 15, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
I am struggling with this. I tell my son the truth to every other question he asks. He is only 5, but I have found that when he asks me a question, he accepts and understands truthful answers.
So, I feel very guilty about this lie.
Not only that, but the concept of Santa Claus seems very unChristian in general on a Christian Holiday.
I am telling my child a lie. I am asking him to believe in and even love a man who makes judgements of others morals and rewards people based on those judgements.
I don’t like any of it. This is the last year. After Christmas, we are going to have a talk.
I remember I found out when I was his age by over hearing my older brother talking with his friends. I remember feeling devestated. Not that he wasn’t real, but that my parents were capable of looking me right in the eye and lying. I ended up not telling them that I knew. For at least 4 Christmases I kept up the charade in making them believe that I didn’t know that they were liars.
By bake
December 15, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
I grew up Catholic and went to Cathlolic school for the younger part of my life. I remember being dissapointed at the age of 9 (yes 9…I had younger siblings) to find out Santa wasn’t real. I certainly wasn’t crushed by this news though. I had so much fun as an older brother watching my sister and brother continue to believe that it was still like Santa existed. The folks that believe in Jesus and the true meaning of the season don’t have a problem conveying that to their children as they grow up. Christmas Eve mass was just as important to us as getting up the next morning to see what was under the tree. If you as a parent can’t get that point across that’s your problem and doens’t make those of us who enjoy the belief in Santa our children have wrong. There’s a huge difference in lying to someone and giving a child the belief if the magic of Santa Clause. Comparing the two is a pretty lame thing to do.
By I just don't get it
December 15, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this
Reading these comments is depressing. I really don’t understand Christians who get bent out of shape about make believe. I am a devout Christian but I don’t understand what is wrong with a little make believe and fun? Sure kids will eventually find out and be dissapointed but they will also have the rest of their lives to remember those sleepless Christmas Eves and majical Christmas mornings. I am a 29 year old father of two who love both Jesus and Santa. When we get home from church on Christmas Eve you can feel the excitement in the house and the early morning wake up from kids who just can’t wait anymore to go downstairs is a gift from God. I really feel bad for your kids.
By Ron
December 15, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this
“There’s a huge difference in lying to someone and giving a child the belief if the magic of Santa Clause”. Huh???? So the “magic of santa” is real? If it isn’t but you tell your kids it is, if it is not a lie, what is it?
If it is not a lie, what about the “belief in santa” and the direct charge we have from Christ of where we should put our faith?
By I just don't get it
December 15, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
Reading these comments is depressing. I really don’t understand Christians who get bent out of shape about make believe. I am a devout Christian but I don’t understand what is wrong with a little make believe and fun? Sure kids will eventually find out and be dissapointed but they will also have the rest of their lives to remember those sleepless Christmas Eves and majical Christmas mornings. I am a 29 year old father of two who love both Jesus and Santa. When we get home from church on Christmas Eve you can feel the excitement in the house and the early morning wake up from kids who just can’t wait anymore to go downstairs is a gift from God. I really feel bad for your kids.
By Ron
December 15, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this
My children 17,15,10 & 10 are already busting with antisipation. They bust through the door on Christmas as well. No need to feel sorry for them.
You state make believe but it is not make believe for a child who does not know the truth.
In order for a child to play make believe they have to know it is not real.
By TS
December 15, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this
Please, don’t feel sorry for my children. They wake up early Christmas morning and open presents and stockings - the only difference is they know who they came from. Again, we do not shun Santa we just focus on Jesus and try to mimic Santa by giving to others during this season as Jesus was given to us.
By steve
December 15, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
I also am not happy with the fact that the reason children get excited about Santa Claus is because he will give them stuff. I am trying to teach my child that stuff cannot make you happy, but this is a mixed message when combined with Santa.
The whole thing is confusing for me as a parent.
The more possessions you own, the more your possessions own you.
By Joe
December 15, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
Boy, you Christians are something else. Are you THAT angry that your #1 holiday is nothing but a stolen day from the Pagan religion? Some of you people are sad, confused weaklings that can’t distinguish between the fairy tale that is Santa Clause and the fairy tale that is the bible.
By Kay
December 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Ron, I think you are being a bit ridiculous and making Christians look like jerks. If you truly taught your kids the real reason for the season, which is Jesus, they would know the difference between a make believe holiday tradition (Santa) and Jesus. Lighten up. It’s the holidays.
By Ron
December 15, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
Oh Kay you liberal….can one not have a discussion and stand their ground without being called names?
My children are well aware of the reason we celebrate Christmas. They are well aware it is better to give than receive.
Answer the questions, lets have a discussion, otherwise go sit on santa’s lap and beg.
By mystery poster
December 15, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this
One Christmas, kids at school were saying there was no Santa. I disagreed and asked my parents, who told me those kids were wrong. The next spring, I was home sick one day. My parents told me that the rumors going around last winter were true. “What rumors?” I asked. Then, they told me. I felt like I had been made a fool of. I immediately flashed back to the lunch table when I was insisting that Santa was real.
I always told my kids that Santa was a fun game we played at Christmas time. As they started to figure things out, I still maintained it was a fun game we played. I don’t think it’s right to make up lies, kids will wonder what else you have gone to such lengths to lie to them about.
I remember reading that the adults who had the nicest memories of Christmas were the ones who believed when they were little and then figured things out on their own without a lot of conflict.
To this day, my son says he found out by reading it in a book, and my daughter says she found out from one of her friends.
By Jack
December 15, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
Ron,
If you want to teach your kids to just learn the facts I sure hope you aren’t planning on celebrating Jesus’s birthday in December, because that’s not when he was actually born. More like June. Of course, that didn’t fit in with the pagan holidays being celebrated already by most places the Romans were conquering.
Maybe teaching a little faith wouldn’t be such a bad thing….
By Non-Grinch
December 15, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this
I can’t believe the number of people who don’t celebrate Santa. Some of my happiest memories of Christmas as a child are about Santa Claus. My dad would run a weight on a fishing line across the roof to simulate reindeer hooves and ring jingle bells to get us to go to bed. I think my parents were as excited as we were on Christmas morning to watch us open gifts from Santa. I believed well up until 5th grade and then kind of figured it out on my own. I wasn’t devastated, it made me feel grown up that I’d figured it out, and I was still more than happy to let my younger brother enjoy it. I am ecstatic about Christmas to this day, and can’t wait to celebrate Santa with my children.
By Exodus Mentality
December 15, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this
Free your child’s mind, and at the same time, give them a reason to trust you. never ever lie to your children. It’s better to tell them enough so the understand what’s really going on, and there is absolutely no reason why that should end up in some kind of negative or emotionally traumatizing experience for the child. You teach your child not to lie, then you spend all your waking moments lying to them. Doesn’t make common sense to me.
What’s more, Santa is not about the spirit of Christmas that most people claim to want to tap into. Santa is about rampant commercialism and consumerism. Santa is a good way to indoctrinate your children into the cultural norm of spending more than you can afford at a certain time of year, for the sole purpose of increasing the wealth of the already wealthy. The spirit of Christmas was supposed to be giving, but Santa teaches that the essence of Christmas is receiving. Can you not see that Santa is in direct opposition to the Christmas in which you actually want to participate?
Don’t lie to your kids, don’t give them a reason to lie to theirs. There is more than enough mythology surrounding the culture that nurtures your kids. Do you really need another big fat lie to stain your credibility WHEN, not if, your children grow up? Or do you really think the excuse that “I lied to you to keep you happy” is how you want to present yourself to older children who are now equipped to see through B.S. better than you probably realize.?
By Kay
December 15, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this
Ron, First off sir, I never called you a name, I stated a fact that you were making people who believe in Jesus look like jerks by condeming others for their holiday traditions. I never called YOU a jerk. I am not a liberal, I am a follower of Christ as you claim to be. I just do not understand how you can sit there and condem people and call them “liars” for sharing a Christmas tradition with their kids. That is all I am saying, share the love that Jesus would share.
By Yes, Virginia
December 15, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this
You poor, politically correct, pathetic excuses for parents. I feel sorry for you and your inability to pass on to your children a sense of wonder and fantasy, myth, and fable. I suppose there’s no fiction on your bookshelves - no works by Aesop, Shakespeare, or Hemingway; no books on Greek mythology or Russian storytelling; no collection of Native American folklore. I feel sorry mostly for your children - they no doubt will grow up with nothing to hope for, wonder about, or have faith in. You louts only want to make yourselves feel righteous. What a waste of existence.
By Ron
December 15, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this
Jack,
We try to celebrate the birth and resurection of Jesus Christ everyday. Of course we don’t celebrate our children just on their birthday either.
My children are aware Christmas is a combined holiday from years of so many different religions, beliefs and traditions. They know Christ was most likely born during the summer but that many, including us celebrate his birthday as Christmas.
By Ron
December 15, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this
Kay, how is it sharing a tradition when you are pulling the wool over the eyes of an innocent child? If they can not believe their parents, who can they believe?
I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be but when the front page of the AJC posts “Saving Faith in Santa” I must speak up, are we not charged with that?
People have posted about a child’s imagination, it is not the imagination of the child’s when they are led to believe Santa is real.
Virginia
Yes, we do have fiction in our house but the kids know it is fiction. Would you try to pass off Greek Mythology to your children as truth? As something to put their faith in? Of course not. Why santa? Why must we label books fiction and non-fiction? Why not let the children figure it our on their own?
By parentof4
December 15, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this
I have always told my kids Santa is dead. There was a St. Nick back in the 1800’s, since my oldest was born in 1996 it is safe to assume he is really dead. However, I have told them that others continue with the belief that he comes around, but he does not come to our house. So my kids usually say Santa does not come to our house. In fact one cashier asked my middle son if he was ready for Santa to come (when he was around 6) and he simply said Santa does not come to our house. She was embarrased, so I further explained that we celebrate Christmas for what it is. A late birthday party for Jesus and we get gifts that day because we have his Spirit in us.
Now my youngest daughter on the other hand, told her whole Kindergarten class that Santa was dead. She went through the whole story about Santa and where it originated. She did end it by saying some parents buy gifts for their children and write the name Santa on it just keep up with the tradition. Her teacher does complain that she talks too much.
By steve
December 15, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this
“There was a St. Nick back in the 1800’s, since my oldest was born in 1996 it is safe to assume he is really dead. “
Actually, Saint Nicholas lived around 300 AD.
By mike p
December 15, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this
I’m absolutely disgusted with the many of you here. The tradition of Santa creates magic in the Season for children - blows my mind you want to make them grow up faster than needed and make them cynical from an earlier age….
By tenaciousd
December 15, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this
My son is 10 and still believes. Every year I think to myself, ‘this is it.” Yet, here we are again and he jumps in with both feet. Enjoy it while you can!
By Roberto
December 15, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this
It’s all made up - Santa Claus and religion. You can lump them into the same category…fairy tales.
By Easter Bunny
December 15, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this
My children and Santa’s children don’t believe in you people either. I tell my kids every year that I’m going down to this little rock based planet that has humans crawling all over it just to give them woven baskets full of plastic grass, eggs, and candy to make them feel happy about a season. They say, “yeah, sure, Daddy - whatever”.
By Ron
December 15, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this
Mike P, how is it they grow up faster if we don’t lie to them? My kids still receive presents, they are still excited but they know I have busted my hump to get them what they want. How is that taking anything from them?
By Greg
December 15, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this
There are plenty of things we don’t have to tell children. If you want to be brutally honest, you should tell them why they shouldn’t talk to strangers and what bad people can do to them. This will make them grow up quickly and be better adjusted to the real world around them. So why don’t anti-Santa parents do that?
Because it’s unnecessary to force kids to grow up and learn the “truth” about everything. Santa can survive, and his spirit can survive, as long as there are children and grown ups willing to keep him alive. I personally think the world is a better place because of Santa. All you have to do is read letters to Santa, and they will reflect the gift of love that he can deliver. He reinforces the notion of unconditional love, a concept that can often be lost in today’s society. When I found out about the “truth” behind Santa, I just realized how much my parents loved me that they were willing to put forth such an effort.
By Kat
December 15, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this
Many of the people on this blog are a little too uptight today. It’s Santa Claus people! No big deal. I bet a lot of parents “lie” to their kids every single day and to their friends and their co-workers and everyone else. Please don’t act so self-righteous. Yes, Christmas is about Jesus, but it is about gift-giving as well (just like in that STORY in the Bible). Deal with it. Lord, relax people!