Home > Holiday Blog > Archives > 2008 > November > 19 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USInstead of gifts, try kindness
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The recycling box on the carport is starting to overflow with colorful flyers offering all manner of “must have” gifts for the holidays. And if I’m not careful I get caught in that retailing undertow that grips us all every year, convincing us that Christmas just isn’t complete until the gift boxes block our view of the tree.
Can I be so bold to suggest that we give the gift this season of random acts of kindness? I thought about this when I ran across a story of a woman who was at a foreclosure auction. She happened to meet a person whose home was being auctioned off and was understandably in tears.
The woman bought the house, and then worked out a deal to allow the former owner to move back in. She put up a portion of her own small business to secure the mortgage. Now it would be great if we all were willing to extend ourselves to that degree for our fellow man, but that isn’t always an option. But there are other ways we can give without making a run to the mall.
When a young child says “watch me” stop and give them 10 minutes of your full attention.
Hold the door open for the person behind you when you’re going into the store. Bake some desserts and drop them off at any fire station around town. Grab that empty soda can that didn’t quite make it into the trash can off the ground. Slow down and let that other driver ease into ahead of you.
Drop your pennies into the change box at the convenience store cash register.
When you drive through the “change” lane at the 400 toll plaza hand over a dollar and pay for the car behind you.
Make some time to visit with the folks at the Dorothy Benson Senior Center off Vernon Woods.
Buy some extra groceries to donate to the food drive every supermarket in town has this time of year.
Pick up those random pieces of trash you see around your neighborhood when you’re walking the dog.
When you sit down for dinner, turn your phone off.
Fill three big boxes of stuff and take it to the Goodwill next to the vacant Target.
Leave a really huge tip for someone who deserves it, but only if you can exit the restaurant before they catch you.
Haul out the lights and give your front yard a good old-fashioned tacky decoration.
I have nothing against giving and I sure love getting — but maybe this year it might make us all feel a little better if we turn it down a notch.
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Comments
By Mike D
November 19, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this
I’ve been telling all of the charities that my wife and I will not be giving a finacial donation, but we will keep a warm place in our hearts for all of them.
By KDF
November 19, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
I’m trying to figure out how to make my kids understand how bad the economy is; how many people have lost their jobs and homes; how some can’t even afford to put meals on the table for their kids; how homeless and hungry charities are seeing an influx of clients; how they themselves are quite fortunate that their own parents are still employeed. I want them to understanding the spirit of Christmas as a time to help and give to others. I have until December 24th to get the message through to them.
By WDave
November 19, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this
To KDF - Bring your kids on Thanksgiving day to a sheter that is giving food to the homeless and watch these poor people show to claim meals - a visual is stronger than words. Kids do not understand unless they see and experience it themselves -just a suggestion - really glad you want your kids to see this.
By new mom
November 19, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this
I am stuggling with a similar issue: Our 14 mth old daughter will likely be inundated with gifts (mostly toys) this Christmas from loving family members. She’s the first grandchild on either side, first baby (including all cousins) in 18 years, and everyone wants to spoil her. After seeing the deluge of toys she received for her 1st birthday in September, I don’t know what we will do if she only receives half that amount again.
She isn’t old enough to understand or appreciate any of this yet. (As she gets older, I don’t want her to be spoiled or accustomed to lots of ‘stuff’, I want her to think of others and be giving.) And this year, I feel like it’s wasteful of everyone’s resources to give her more toys when her playroom is already overflowing.
However, I truly understand the desire to find something special for her, something she will enjoy playing with. I don’t fault any of them for that, my husband and I are going through that ourselves. We have limited her gifts to some books, puzzles, some musical instruments, and the biggie will be a table and chair set that she can use for years. What I would really love to suggest to our family would be to get her one book, then make a donation to a local charity equal to the rest of the money they’d spend. Or pick out the perfect toy—and donate it to Toys for Tots or the Foster Kids that Clark Howard always helps. I don’t want to come across as ‘telling them’ what to do, how to spend their money—I’m sure Miss Manners would frown on that. But I would feel guilty if we donated a gift she received to a charity, when our family lovingly picked it out for her.
Does anyone have any suggestions? :)
By Advocate
November 19, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this
To new mom -
We too have the same “issue”. My son’s 1st birthday was in October and he still has not opened all those gifts. So we have decided not to buy him a lot of toys. Maybe one big gift. We have also expressed to our family that he really is not in need of anymore toys. Since I work for a battered women/children shelter, I placed a friendly “reminder” on our Christmas cards that there are PLENTY of women and children who are fleeing a violent situation and will spend the holidays in a shelter instead of the comfort of a loving home. That way they know where my heart and mind is this season. I think the most important thing is to remember how those receiving the gift will feel. I feel guilty thinking about all that he has and does not play with…when I see the kids that have nothing.
By new mom
November 19, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this
Hi Advocate,
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels burdened by this. I know it might come across as crass, complaining about having such a sweet family who wants to do something special for our daughter. But it does break my heart to know there are so many children who would love to have just one gift at Christmas.
I like the idea of the reminder on our Christmas cards—We might do something similar. Thanks for the idea!
By Susan
November 19, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this
If you are hosting a holiday party, ask that your guests bring canned goods or toys to donate to charity.
By Layla
November 19, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this
This is the best thing I have ever read in the AJC. Thank you for posting something that will actually make people think. I love it!
By ShopLocallySaveGas
November 19, 2008 5:47 PM | Link to this
Hey, extend that giving spirit to help your community. Shop at your local Mom and Pop business for Christmas gifts. These little businesses help to support local schools, churches,and organizations. If you hand make all your gifts then the local gift shop near you will be closed before the new year.
By LoriAnnCrow@Bellsouth.net
November 19, 2008 9:10 PM | Link to this
I’m still committed to carrying out something I promised my mom earlier this year. I asked if she wanted to visit with other seniors who may be lonely or without family this holiday season. My mom is 67, disabled and on oxygen and must use a wheelchair to go 50 ft. She and I are the only family we have left, and so we thought we would spend our time with others like us.
We’ve been buying and setting little items back here and there, things seniors might like, such as specialty teas, butter cookies, cough drops, playing cards, etc. Sadly, I was “reduced” at work in July. As the only paycheck in my house, we have just enough money ourselves to pay bills until February… I sure hope the job market improves quickly for Corporate Trainers!
I’m still planning on delivering goodie bags to several seniors in the area and most importantly, spend some precious time with them the week of Christmas. But we may have to pare down the number of those we can gift to. If anyone wants to help in some small way, such as candy or lotions or gift cards, which I can include in the bags or use to buy items, then I can continue our endeavor to reduce the loneliness of ideally a dozen of our seniors in the Tucker area.
We are inspired by Psalm 71:9 “Do not cast me aside in my old age; as my strength fails, do not forsake me.” Thanks!
By Becky
November 20, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this
new mom, what about having your family members start some sort of savings for you little one? I agree with donating to other needy children, we do that..
By JT
November 20, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this
To ‘New Mom’, take it from an old Dad, an 18 month old could care less if they got 2 toys or 20 for Xmas. It’s the adults who bring it up and instill it in a child of that age. AN 18 month old is not even old enough to process that kind of information yet, she’s a BABY for goodness sake. A child’s a sponge, and everything she picks up, she’s picking it from those around her, that’s how a child learns, so be careful what you and your expose her too but I doth believe she is too young to care if she gets a lot of toys at this point. If she has a couple of good toys, you are going to see that same big smile and enthusiasm, trust me. Take those EXCESS toys from family memebers, box them up and take them to a ‘Toys For Tots’ program and take the lovely child with you…and your ‘problem’ is solved. Expose her to the REAL meaning of Xmas now and that’s what she’ll grow into as a person. Just an idea…
By Sarah
November 20, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this
The true meaning of the holidays has been commercialized. If you want to make someone happy this holiday season think of somebody else outside of yourself. If you don;’t have anything to give, what about a card? You can always go to the Family Dollar Store and get two cards for $1.00. It’s the though that count. I’m the most happy when I’m helping others. You know the Lord sent his son to show his love; what have you done today to show your love:
By American Mother
November 20, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this
My nephew’s wife and he, had everyone bring a Book to their Daughter’s first birthday party, which was the beginning of Dec and they were all donated to the children’s section of a library…………..
Children always have, and always will, learn by Example. Happy Thanksgiving to ALL!!
By new mom
November 20, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
Thanks for all the suggestions! I am going to propose my idea of donating a toy to Toys for Tots or Clark Howard’s Christmas Kids. I am trying to put myself in my family’s place and do understand that they really want to give our baby girl something special, but I agree—she’s way too young to appreciate this at this age. What she needs (and gets already) is time with my family, love, attention, etc.
I had another idea—I think I’ll suggest that they take a picture of the toy they donate, then write a little note to our girl, telling her what they did on her behalf. We can save the pictures and notes for her, and as she grows up, we’ll share them with her, so she will see firsthand how her own family thinks of others and how she shouldn’t focus on her own material possessions. I have said it before, that a key to happiness (in addition to a relationship with Christ), is learning how to look beyond your own wants and desires and put that energy into helping others.