Holiday Blog

By FCM

November 30, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

I don’t keep score when it comes to me…..However this one item does irk me: My brother consistantly arrives for my elder child’s birthday complete with some brightly wrapped thing in tow, even though Christmas is just few weeks away. For Christmas both children get presents….then when youngest child’s birthday arrives (this is his Godchild by the way!) he is ‘busy’ and cannot make the party, plus no card or gift. I realize that my brother is not obligated to give a gift to this child, but since both children are under 10 how do you explain this to the child (who has even commented that Uncle gave Susie blah, blah for her birthday but didn’t give me anything).

My Mother said I can kick him (free from the threat of Time Out!) if he shows up with Bday and Christmas for the eldest and only Christmas for the youngest—sadly again.

Blogger thoughts on how to handle it?

Oh, and Uncle has no children. He has 3 other Godchildren he does buy for though.

By Mrs. Warren

November 30, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this

I think you should confront him about it. Only because he is giving to one and not the other and that’s not right. You should never give to one child and not the other. The kids have noticed and it will only get worse if it keeps on and they get older. I would talk to your brother about it.

By lovelyliz

November 30, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this

Excuse me while I rant

96 year old Granny is on a fixed income. I’ve told her not to give me anything. I tell her every year, but she doesn’t listen. Last year she gave me a piece of broken pottery that she picked up in a dollar store. I accepted it graciously.

My then 4 year old niece sent gave me an Auburn Tiger Christmas card that she made. I still have it on my board at work years later.

On the other hand, there is my sister-in-law who has to be the cheapest person on the planet when it comes to giving gifts. It would almost be better if she gave nothing, but that would look bad to the family and we can’t have that now can we? She poor mouths about never having enough $$$ for the holidays when she shows up in an SUV that’s worth almost as much as my parent’s house. Her house itself if the biggest in the family and she has no children. Should I mention the diamond she got last year from her husband, but waited until February to show me? Perhaps she spends all her $$$ on those designer leather boots and handbags she’s carrying around. She couldn’t be spending it on the $11 swimsuit she gave her Dad who has about 5 already.

I would be very happy if she would agree not to exchange gifts with me, but in this family appearances matter and all that. I’ve thought about recycling her gifts back the next year, but I am not that petty , yet.

By GuiltPresents

November 30, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

I’ve started to dread Christmas season and all the unnecessary burden of buying presents that it brings- especially since we’re trying to pay down our debt. I don’t want to have to spend $$ on each of my teammates (small team but still it’s usually a meaningless gift that I just felt like I had to buy). And don’t forget the kids’ teachers & coaches. Really, I’m thankful for them but it’s just a burden and I only do it for all of them because other parents do it and my son doesn’t want to be the only one who doesn’t bring the teachers gifts.

My in-laws have everything but we are always searching until the last minute for something for them just so we don’t feel bad when they give us something (usually something we don’t need and rarely something we want.) My parents are much more sentimental so they always get something personalized(like custom calendars) from us. Things that take time but don’t cost a lot and I know they love. I tried that with my MIL a couple of years ago but in August when I noticed the calendar was still on February, I decided that it wasn’t worth my time to do that again. We’ve resorted to gift cards/ certificates with them (so unpersonal in my opinion).

We did come to an agreement with our close friends (3 other couples) that we’d just do a gift exchange (liek a White Elefant Exchange but no one brings a bad/gag gift). It’s actually one of the most fun things we do each year and it’s always fun to see who gets excited about what.

My husband and I usually agree to limit our spending on each other so we don’t blow our budget completely but really, we sacrifice giving to each other because we feel like we have to buy for so many other people. It’s really a shame since we should only buy for those we care most about. Kind of hard in the society we live in for that though.

By Mary

November 30, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

I give gifts out of the goodness of my heart, and do not expect anything in return.

It is better to give than to receive. If you give a gift expecting one in return, you are not giving from the heart.

I shop long and hard to find the perfect present for those on my list. I love the look on their face when they open it. That’s all I need……

By Griffinite

November 30, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

Gee, it’s surprising that racebaiter hasn’t made some insipid remark about people saying “holidays” on this list yet…I guess it’s just a matter of time.

Aywhoo….I just like to make sure I give my nieces and nephews roughly equivalent gifts. I feel no need to “match” somebody else in price/value. That’s not what Christmas is all about.

By Jeff in Roswell

November 30, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

Call me scrooge but, this business of giving to every single person is a bunch of crap - especially giving to other adults in the family! Christmas is for kids - I don’t want gifts! If you so desperately want to give me something… give me MONEY. No gift cards, no ugly sweaters, no socks, no trinket crap that I will never ever use. Money will be just fine. The other thing is the buying the parents and the in-laws gifts. Yes, I appreciate and love them but, hold on… First of all they have everything they already need. They are much better off financially and when they want something they go buy it! I would rather treat them to dinner at a favorite restaurant and enjoy their company. As a child, our Christmas gifts consisted of toys (of course), but we also received things we needed. New clothes, shoes, winter coats, etc were given. Nowadays people have so much disposable income that we buy what ever we want all year long. There’s no waiting for Christmas anymore. This business of spending, spending, spending on Christmas is ridiculous. As a poster mentioned above, I would treasure a handmade card from a loved one. Okay, that’s enough for now - and yes a little off topic but, I will return to grace these pages again. Muuaaahahahahaha!

By giftgiver

November 30, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

I agree with the whole giving is better than getting concept….. I like giving presents to people…. I don’t however like putting people in a weird position when they don’t have anything to give back. I don’t care myself, but I’ve been in more than one situation when the other person got a little upset, because they didn’t have anything to give

By Griffinite

November 30, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

My greatest joy is in the giving. I’m notorious at family gatherings for neglecting to open my gifts while I watch everyobdy else. Some years our gifts have been in-kind. For instance one year when everybody seems to have been cash-strapped my brother changed the oil in my car for me. This year my brother and I are going to digitize a bunch of family photos and give them to everybody on jump drives. This will be especially meaningful since my Dad passed away this year.

By meg

November 30, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

FCM When he arrives with the Bday present for the oldest, take it from him and say “let’s hold on to this until (insert youngest child’s name)’s party and you two can open your gifts together then.” If he doesn’t show for that party and sends no gift, send it back and explain you want the kids to have equal gifts from relatives or nothing at all, or don’t say anything and donate it.

By Noelle

November 30, 2007 1:13 PM | Link to this

We don’t keep score in our family, but we do try to give gifts of approximately equal weight. That means I spend about the same on my mom, dad, and sister, a little less on my grandmother. I also try to get something nice for an aunt who always gifts great gifts, but we do family or token gifts for a handful of other relatives.

Outside the family, the only significant gift-giving I do is for my best friend, her hubby, and their daughter. I don’t do office gifts (other than taking in baked goods), and I just buy small, fun, token gifts for a few other friends.

One thing I do enjoy is giving “practical” gift cards to friends who are having financial troubles. I have a list of three for this year who’ll be getting Target gift cards with their Christmas cards. I also donate gifts/toys to things like Toys for Tots. After so many years of struggling myself, it feels great to be in a position where I can help others out!

By Becky

November 30, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this

I give gifts to all of the children in my family..I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces..We do stockings at my office & this year, there will be 11 for me to put stuff in..It’s not something that we have to do & we usually put silly stuff in them..I’m a year round shopper, so because of this I’m the one that puts the neat gifts in them..

By Lizzie

November 30, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

This is a great topic! Our family is cutting back this year as our daughter is in a really bad financial situation and has two children age 8 and 3…so our main focus in to be sure they have the usual gifts from us but also presents from their mom and Santa. We have already discussed this with the friends we usually exchange gifts with and they understand. There is one friend who is actually now a “step aunt” due to marriage who on her own last year decided to buy everyone in my immediate family a gift. We had bought her a gift (as we had in past years)but not her son and his girlfriend. I think she was very upset as shortly after Christmas she made a point to tell me that she had spent way too much on gifts and would not be doing it next year (this year)…I kind of felt bad but had no idea she was buying all of us gifts typically we had bought for her and she bought us a combined gift (like a gift card to a restaurant) We also have the issue of my husband’s brother and his wife they are the worst shoppers in the world and my husband racks his brain to find a good gift for them and we get recycled gifts from them. It makes me feel bad for my husband. It’s sad though as this brother is probably a multi-millionaire (obviously not family money) and I don’t think that he’s cheap he has no gift buying skills so gives us what they rec’d from someone else. It’s becoming more and more obvious since a lot of the gifts my husband receives are from a particular college that he didn’t go to but guess who did…you got it…his brother and sister-in-law.

By Exchange

November 30, 2007 3:59 PM | Link to this

I refuse to buy presents for co-workers, I have NO reason to buy them a present. My friends and I do not exchange gifts so that makes it easy. And my parents don’t care if they get anything.

By giver

November 30, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

Gift giving is my love language - it makes me happy to give to others. I never expect anything in return and am happily surprised when something is given. However, my husband has not given me a Christmas gift in years and that frustrates me. Is that a double standard?

By One

November 30, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

It’s sad though as this brother is probably a multi-millionaire (obviously not family money) and I don’t think that he’s cheap he has no gift buying skills so gives us what they rec’d from someone else. Call it what you want, but where I’m from that’s called C-H-E-A-P!!!!!!

By One

November 30, 2007 4:49 PM | Link to this

giver, that sounds more like a lack of communication……….if gift giving is your “love language”, the man closest to you should know it, love it and reciprocate it……..that’s LOVE!

By RealityCheck

December 3, 2007 6:29 AM | Link to this

He gave this, she gave that, I sent this, but I got that…. Then comes the day when they are gone, and there is no one to give to… The score keeping dosen’t matter anymore.

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December 6, 2007 4:06 PM | Link to this

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