Home > Holiday Blog > Archives > 2007 > November > 14 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USIt’s time for ‘Santa’ talk? It can’t be! Not already!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Every Friday in my daughter Shannon’s second-grade class, the kids are required to write a brief note or letter home to their family telling us about the past week. They write about whatever it was that week that stood out to them. The parents are then to write a note back in response.
In the past, it has been very easy, as the subject matter has been things such as the animals of Australia or a book they read in class. Then this week we got the following note from Shannon:
Dear Family,
I wish you guys could just wave your wand and make it November 25th because then it would be my birthday and I would get presents. The thing I want the most is that pony thing. You know what I am talking about but you won’t buy it for me so I will just ask Santa Claus but I won’t tell my friends because most people in my class don’t believe in Santa so I will just keep that to myself.
Love,
Shannon
How do we respond to this?
She is not yet even 8 years old, and she already has to hide her belief of Santa to save face with her classmates.
My wife and I have talked a bit about how to handle this, but I know neither of us wants her to lose this belief already.
Our reasons are primarily selfish, no doubt about it. It seems like just yesterday we got to the point where she truly understood who Santa was and got excited about it. The weeks leading up to Christmas the excitement developed — barely contained with each toy catalog she browsed or with each viewing of “The Polar Express.”
We got about three years of this. It isn’t enough. Not for me or any parent.
Not to mention, is there any greater power a parent wields than looking your child in the eyes and saying, “Santa is coming, so you better be good”? By just uttering this simple reminder, we have the ability to instantly settle a fight with her brother, or get her to behave herself while we are running errands.
More than that, can there ever be harm in having a child believe that there is a person in this world who’s sole motivation is to reward boys and girls just for being good?
But can we really continue to keep our child holding on to a belief that other kids already know is false — at the expense of possibly being teased?
If my memory serves me correctly, I was in second grade when my mom told me there was no Santa. My mom said other kids my age already knew, and she didn’t want me to hear it from them.
I already had doubts. I grew up with three older brothers, so making it anywhere close to second grade while still believing in Santa was a miracle in and of itself.
We know it’s time to have the Santa talk with Shannon. But I wonder if this will be the end of her implicit trust in Mommy and Daddy. At her age, most arguments are won and lost simply with the statement, “my Mommy and Daddy said so.” Regardless of what proof the other kid may have, the greater authority is Mommy and Daddy. She has already had exchanges with kids who refuse to believe that there really is a number “googol.” She even knows it is a 1 followed by 100 zeros, thanks to me.
I knew this day would come, it just didn’t seem like it would be this soon.
At least I know that, regardless of whether it is Santa or Mommy and Daddy bringing the presents, she will always be excited on Christmas Eve.
I have never lost that feeling. Maybe that is what I have to hold on to.
Even without the jolly fat guy, it will still be the best time of the year for her and for me.
Jim Costelloe is a husband and father of two who lives in Suwanee and works in the commercial mortgage industry.
It’sPermalink | Comments (25) | Categories: holiday
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Clotheschic
November 14, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this
I’m not really sure what to tell you. I didn’t even know who Santa Claus was until I went to Kindergarten. I don’t have any children yet, but I don’t intend to tell them anything about Santa. It’s a lie and doesn’t really serve any purpose. I’m glad you are honest and recognize that you’re keeping up the charade for selfish reasons. I think it may just be time to tell her the truth. She probably already knows but is afraid that the presents will stop if she admits she knows the truth. All of my friends who believed in Santa say that they went at least one Christmas pretending to believe. Actually, now that I think about what she says in her letter, I believe that she may be trying to manipualte you into getting her that pony!
By madisons mom
November 14, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this
I am a mom with a 2 1/2 year old and another on the way. I think you should wait until she asks you and at that point tell her the truth. I am with you in the feeling that belief in Santa is a wonderful asset to childhood. I remember when I found out that my parents brought the gifts - even up until now, we still have the “wrapped gifts” under the tree before Christmas and the “Santa gifts” that get put out late at night on Christmas Eve (of course as adults, my brother, husband, and I are probably having more fun putting out the “Santa gifts” than my parents are). The magic of seeing the surprise on everyone’s face is wonderful!
By Deb
November 14, 2007 12:57 PM | Link to this
I have a 17 yr old and 11. I will never forget when a neighborhood boy told my son then 6 there was no Santa..I flipped!! I told him maybe not at your house but he comes here! My daughter even in 6th grade tells me “mom, I know the truth” I have never flat out told either one (their peers will do that for you) I just usually grin and say “you have to believe in your heart”. I don’t know about clotheschic but I imagine she is a real scrooge during the holidays!!
By Steve
November 14, 2007 1:03 PM | Link to this
She is learning that Santa doesn’t exist….without your help. The fact that a few members of her class already know about Santa is a sign of our times. If a poll were taken I suppose that those same children who don’t believe in Santa also don’t know the real reason for Christmas and they probably already refer to it as a Winter Holiday or some such….much to the delight of the progressive secularists. Our children are growing up in a society which has no beliefs other than what they see via 30 second sound bites and Harry Potter/Golden Compass movies. Your child will believe what you tell him or her and hopefully that will include the real meaning of Christmas, the core meaning of the reason this country exists etc. Merry Christmas and I hope Santa is good to you and yours.
By Ashley
November 14, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this
I am 27 years old and my parents have never admitted to me that there is no santa claus. I am excited about getting to be Santa when my husband and I have kids! I wouldn’t worry about ever telling her straight out. She will figure it out on her own and it will be a special secret between you and her when/if she has younger siblings. I don’t think any well adjusted child would look at the whole “Santa thing” as a lie concocted by parents. I think it is a fun tradition that children will look back on fondly. Hope you have a Merry Christmas!
By RoswellMom
November 14, 2007 1:25 PM | Link to this
I have told my kids that Santa won’t give them something that Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t let them have — so don’t ask him for it.
My oldest (of 2), who was about 6 when he asked me about Santa, was fine with the truth.
My youngest, age 6, has struggled with her belief in Santa for the past 2 years.
I don’t want to lie to her when she asks her many questions about Santa, but I still want her to believe — especially after she had a meltdown in a restaurant this weekend. She had asked if we put the presents under the tree and thought her daddy answered that we did (he had said we put the presents from us under the tree). After misunderstanding him, with crocodile tears streaming down her face, she says “He’s not real!” It was a pitiful site!
If I had to do it over again, I am not sure I would perpetuate the Santa story/lie.
By Atlanta Pearl Girl
November 14, 2007 1:49 PM | Link to this
Let’s let her keep the magic of Santa a little longer. Come on!!!!!
Atlanta Pearl Girl
By KT
November 14, 2007 1:50 PM | Link to this
Yes, Santa is a lie, but it’s a fun fairytale to help celebrate. Jeeze…when did people become so cynical? And I’m talking to you “Clotheschic.” Why not just never expose them to such fun tales as Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and the. All fairy tales are a lie…that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep them as part of a tradition.
By KT
November 14, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this
Yes, Santa is a lie, but it’s a fun fairytale to help celebrate Christmas. Jeeze…when did people become so cynical? And I’m talking to you “Clotheschic.” Why not just never expose them to such fun tales as Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and the like All fairy tales are a lie…that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep them as part of a tradition.
By sportsmommy
November 14, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this
I believed until I was about 16… call me naive…my son stopped believing last year, he’s 11… but we still pretend for my niece who is 20 months old… Tradition is good…
By Cammi
November 14, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this
What does Santa have to do with Jesus? Santa is a made up character to celebrate commercialism. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with Jesus and is part of what is wrong with society today…MATERIALISM. But that being said, it’s up to each individual parent, but I would guess most of your children already know the truth and are just going along with it for the goodies. Case in point, when my daughter lost her first tooth at age 4 I stuck a dollar under her pillow thinking I would go along with this tooth fairy thing for a little while. The next morning she got up and asked me if the next time I could make it a $5!!!!! I have never have had to worry about her believing in mythical creatures.
By WHAT THERE'S NO SANTA!?!?!?!
November 14, 2007 3:07 PM | Link to this
:(
By chiqiban
November 14, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this
My two children are figuring out the truth themselves—9 and 7, but if they ask if I believe in Santa I honestly tell them I DO believe in the magic, and they can believe in that as well. What is wrong with them believing what I believe? That when you stand outside at night on Christmas Eve, you feel a certain magic and excitement and peaceful happiness. I am almost 40 years old, and if I stopped believing in the magic of Christmas now, I would be one cynical, unhappy person.
By Mrs. C
November 14, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this
Santa represents the spirit of Christmas - the loving and giving. I believe!!
By mom 2
November 14, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this
The year my daughter questioned Santa was the year she first got to be Santa. Ithink she was 9. We took her aside and asked her if she enjoyed all the gifts she had recieved. We then explaned it as the “Spirit” of Santa and she was now old enough to share this spirit with friends and family. We found a needy family and she shopped and and wrapped gifts - lovingly signing everything Love, Santa! It was a great year. Now at 16 she surprises us and others with gifts from “santa”.
By Santa for a little longer
November 14, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this
Have you heard about the three stages of life?
Sorry I can’t help with the pony thing. Mine is almost 18 and I can’t remember when the belief began to wane.
By Jane
November 14, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this
Santa is a belief-parents know how it happens—in life kids will learn all kinds of things from their friends. I did not tell my kids there was no Santa as I am a true believer myself—When they found out (and they do) they never said a word cause they thought they were protecting me. That is a powerful kind of love.
Her note sounds as if she still believes—don’t take that away—she will grow up soon enough
By Eleanor
November 14, 2007 5:52 PM | Link to this
Cammi,
Santa wasn’t “made up” for commercialism. Understand, that most of our Christmas traditions have nothing to do with Jesus. That’s because Saturnalia, Winter Solstice and another holidays were being celebration LONG before Christianity came on the scene. The early church figured, if-you-can’t-beat-em-join-em. That’s why we have a diverse mix of traditions—some Christian and some not so Christian all mixed together in a joyous celebration of whatever you choose to celebrate. If you want it just focused on Jesus, then fine—just omit the tree, gift-giving, mistletoe, Santa, eggnog, etc. from your personal celebrations. I am not a Christian but I LOVE the holiday.
By Clotheschic
November 14, 2007 6:13 PM | Link to this
Santa Claus has nothing to do with Christmas. Presents don’t even have anything to do with Christmas. Why can’t you just say that you are giving them presents because you love them. Why lie to them when they don’t even know the difference and then spend years going out of your way to perpetuate the lie? And what I really don’t understand is why people won’t just fess up when its obvious that the child is starting to figure it out. And for KT, I never believed in the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny or any other fictitious character (which is exactly how my mother explained them to me when I asked what they were). I still enjoyed fairy tales and I loved to read. I just understood the difference between fact and fiction from an early age. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling children the story of Santa Claus. I just don’t find it necessary to go out of my way to get a child to believe in something just to wait for the day when they will figure out that this “something” doesn’t exist.
By Alexis
November 14, 2007 6:34 PM | Link to this
Think of it this way. If, during any other time of the year, an old fat man in red pajamas were to promise children presents if they sit on his lap he would be charged with several felonies and end up in prison. So don’t encourage this type of belief, it is dangerous to tell your children that this old fat man is ok, but other old fat men are not ok to sit on for the promise of gifts.
By laura
November 14, 2007 7:56 PM | Link to this
I think it’s funny that parents want their kids to believe in santa so badly but don’t put as much emphasis on them getting to believe in christ. My grandma told me that when my dad was little and she told him that santa wasn’t real he asked if baby jesus was made up too. Perhaps, we should think more about asking our kids to have faith in something that isn’t real. It makes faith down the road harder to keep.
I plan on telling my kids that santa is for fun and make believe and if other moms have problem with that, that is their problem. In this metropolitan area where all sorts of faiths co-exist it is ridiculous for any parent to be upset by kids saying that santa is pretend.
By Elaine
November 14, 2007 8:12 PM | Link to this
Santa is a really fun game to play with kids and it is sad when that game ends. If I were you, I wouldn’t tell her. I’d take some of the advice of others above and wait until she asks.
But at the same time, I might feel a little tempted to tell, since she seems to think that Santa trumps me. Really, what I find more concerning than her exposure to “no-santa” is the overall tone of the note—the seemingly haughty I-deserve-it, and you-mean-parents-won’t-give-it-to-me-so-I’m-going-over-your-head-to-Santa attitude. Don’t get me wrong; my kids are far from perfect and show their share of selfishness and greed. (I personally believe we’re all born with it.) But it’s not okay, and we work on it. I might want to talk with her about her attitude…ask a few questions as to why she can’t live without this pony thing. (If it’s the ponyville sweet shop, I’ve already had this identical conversation with my kid!?!haha) And then I’d pow-wow with my spouse about more ways to show our affection aside from givng her gifts, and also ways to help our daughter learn to give as well as she receives.
Again, I’m struggling with the same stuff as a parent, so I’m not criticizing or anything, just commiserating, and maybe offerring another angle here.
By Lissaa
November 15, 2007 7:15 AM | Link to this
I have three children ages 9,14 and 22. All three love Santa. My children trust me because when they ask me questions we research the answer together. I have never had to tell any of the children that there is no Santa. My youngest will ask me questions of “then how can” and we have fun with our imaginations proving he exsist. He know scientificly its impossible and he has never stated he doesnt believe. but we have fun trying to prove he does exsist. My oldest just bought her first house this year and she dreads Santa not coming. She asked to spend the nite so Santa can come. Of course since daylight savings time is all screwed up this year we arent sure which day that will be.
By Chris
November 15, 2007 8:28 AM | Link to this
I am 42 years old…what is all this about no Santa Claus?
By madisons mom
November 15, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this
For all of you that think Santa Claus has nothing to do with Christ, here is some information you might find interesting: Saint Nicholas is the common name of a Lycian saint and Bishop of Myra (modern day Turkey). He was born duing the 3rd century and had a reputation for secret gift-giving that is now commonly identified with Santa Claus. Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers, CHILDREN, and students, and New York.
With the traditions of today, there is usually some association with the past. It is not all just commercialism and materialism. You can instill morals and values without taking away every sense of magic and mystery from our children. I believe that’s part of what is wrong in today’s world…everyone expects children to be little adults and don’t allow them the opportunity to be children and have a little magic and mystery in their lives.
That’s just my two cents of course.