MOMania

By DB

March 3, 2009 9:44 AM | Link to this

Hate to sound sexist, but most dads seem to run screaming from the room (or at least, quickly ease out the door) if it’s a question of a class party for 20 squealing 2nd graders! :-) And not too many dads are going to give up their morning to stuff Tuesday folders. If they are going to give up a work day, they want something that puts them in interaction with their kids. They’re a lot happier working with Field Day. I see a lot of dad participation at my kid’s school, especially on field trips — but honestly, most of those dads are self-employed and can set their own schedule, which is a luxury that not too many dads (and a lot of working moms) can claim - that’s why they aren’t there as much. Especially these days — who wants to give a boss even the slightest reason to can you?

Also, you have moms who use their school volunteer time as an extension of their social network. Most dads quail at the idea of being the only man working with a group of women in this kind of situation - the conversation definitely takes on a different flavor.

My mom was a teacher, and of course, my first day of school was always her first day of school, too, so mom was never able to take me to school on that first day. It was always Dad, and I LOVED it — he was always the only dad there, and the teacher would have him moving desks around, etc. :-)

By ebaby

March 3, 2009 9:59 AM | Link to this

When I was growing up, I remember few dads participating in elementary school activities, but once we hit middle and high school and sports became a factor, dads were all over the place and moms were seen less. Is it that big a deal if they arent as involved years K-5?

By dittohead

March 3, 2009 10:03 AM | Link to this

In most cases U will learn even the MOMs are not involved. Most kids eat breakfast at school, then snacks, & have Parapros & SUBs in many classes. A parent helping in any school is an aberration. Unusual.

By FCM

March 3, 2009 10:08 AM | Link to this

Unquestionably Dad’s are important in children’s lives. Even largerly absentee Dad’s (shocking I know).

However, to me the issue isn’t about Dad’s helping out.

I know I will take hits on this issue but:

Schools still run on the outdated two parent/single income—Mom primary caregiver at home—-model. They give homework as if the child can go home play, get the homework completed, and have family time. Reality (even in the ‘good’ schools) is that most children spend LARGE portions of their day in the care of someone other than a parent—Nanny, Daycare, Afterschool, whatever….

Further, the more contemporary family is dual parent/dual income, single parent, or ‘blended’ family.

Schools are not adapting (quickly? well?) to the more contemporary family model. PTA is often at 10AM on a weekday. School functions are scheduled right at 6 or 6:30 PM (middle of rush hour).

I was Social Mom last year. I used my personal days to accomplish this. However it was the same 5-10 folks who could come and help.

Even more important than getting Dads involved, is how do we get more parents period involved.

By Former Band Mom Gone Wild

March 3, 2009 10:39 AM | Link to this

It seems to me the older children get the more apt you are to find Dads involved in school activities. While most of our band chaperones were women, there were several men involved as well. There were also Dads who handled the props, the transportation of the band equipment, and the concession stand. We also had several Dads who took their vacation time to be chaperones at away band camp! We were very blessed! I miss everyone terribly!

By Charles

March 3, 2009 10:44 AM | Link to this

Once again, the PR machine of women suggests men are less engaging with their children than they are. While no one notices when a women doesn’t show up for an event, it always seems to be an issues when a man misses a meeting or whatever.

Well, during my daughters first season playing soccer, the team always scrimmaged the Girls vs. the Dads because it was always more Dads there than Moms.

Coincidentally, one Dad and I moved on to coach one of the teams. Today(Tuesday), I will be at practice after my workout at a High School in Gwinnett where I coach Track and Field.

Where is my Dad of the Year award?

I know, who cares?

By Jen

March 3, 2009 11:20 AM | Link to this

First off, I think that FCM is dead on right…schools seem to assume there is at least one parent who is available to satisfy every and any parental obligation at any and all times of the day.

And that’s just not reality now-a-days.

However, to the question at hand…my son’s school tends to see a bit of Dad involvement. PTA meetings are at 7pm once a month. The PTA provides child care at the school. We tend to get a lot of parents and a lot of dads.

My husband and I both work. While we both do well and are at the professional level I am technically the primary breadwinner by a good margin. However, we both have very flexible schedules.

So, the end result is that while we can’t be there for ever “Read to the class” day or art day or field trip, or whatever, we’re tag teaming the things we can.

And it seems a lot of other families in our elementary school are, too.

But I do think the moms who have taken the domestic role do spend more time at the school and at school-related activities than either my husband or I do.

But…that’s what they’re supposed to do. Their job is to be the Primary Parent.

And that’s okay as long as both mom and dad agree, willingly, to that.

By zoe

March 3, 2009 12:36 PM | Link to this

I teach school and my daughter goes to preschool three days a week. I can never get off work for the parties or other activities. My husband’s schedule is more flexible so he usually attends and gets me the run down. I hate missing all this fun stuff, but I’m glad at least one of us can go.

By csquared

March 3, 2009 2:06 PM | Link to this

As a Dad, i’ve been involved since mine were in kindergarten (now in 8th and 6th) Until last year i’d not missed any of their ceremonies, info days, help sessions etc. but as some posters have observed, it’s not just dads but parents in general. Who can get to an activity at 5:30 or 6pm in Atlanta traffic? It’s going to need a different approach from PTA’s, Teachers and the systems in order to get the parental involvement that’s important. However, my experience with my 8th grader is that she doesn’t really want me hanging around school much anymore ‘cause it ain’t cool. LOL

By Tiffany

March 3, 2009 2:08 PM | Link to this

I have to say that at my kids schools, we have been blessed with a lot of dad involvement. I have seen dads go on field trips, help with field day…they do love THAT, and in various other aspects of school life. I also see dads show up regularly to have lunch with their kids. I think it is not that dads or moms for that matter don’t care about helping at school, it is the work schedule that determines wether a parent is able to. Having a more flexible job is a blessing to make it easier for all parents to attend things at school. Not everyone is lucky enough to be a volunteer. To all of the dads that volunteer regularly at school: Many thanks to you! All of our kids are better off because of it.

By sd

March 3, 2009 2:21 PM | Link to this

I’m a dad. I am going to volenteer an hour tomorrow actually. I have once already. I would do more but we, unfortunately, live a long distance from the school.

By Jess

March 3, 2009 2:43 PM | Link to this

It sounds like your husband’s pic was on the front page because what he presented to the class/school was something of value that was enjoyed by all! Just because hundreds of moms are at the school (some I am sure are bugging teachers and being helicopters) doesn’t mean they should have their picture on the cover of the webite.

By new mom

March 3, 2009 3:19 PM | Link to this

I think her husband’s picture was on the front page because they were amazed that the second graders were awake during a power point presentation! That sounds like something my husband would do. ;) Don’t get me wrong, it’s very cool that he did that, but power point?

By motherjanegoose

March 3, 2009 3:33 PM | Link to this

KUDOS TO THE DADS THAT ARE ACTUALLY INSIDE OUR SCHOOLS.

I did not have time to post yesterday but I laughed at the poster who complained about Theresa saying mean things about men and even her own husband. ( I sense this is a reprieve ?) Then ( the poster) said ( basically) that she always says only nice things about her own husband.

Well, I am here to tell you that I do not always say only nice things about my husband. We have been married 26 years! Sometimes he drives me insane….BUT he is the BEST about being involved at our kid’s schools. From making peanut butter pine cone bird feeders, with our son when he was three years old to moving him into the dorm at UGA….DAD WAS THERE ( I was not in town during the college move in.)

Dad will be at the chorus concert with our daughter tonight, as I cannot go. We are very good about taking turns with this sort of thing and my husband is a gem when it comes to our kids.

Studies show that children whose DAD is in school a few times per year ( whether eating lunch once per week as my husband did with our daughter back in elementary school or helping with a Veteran’s Day speech since he was former Navy) are better students.

GO DADS…WE NEED YOU!

FYI…YOU MAKE TIME FOR WHAT IS IMPORTANT…WHEN WE LOOK AT YOUR SCHEDULE WE CAN SEE YOUR PRIORITIES. Can you make it for lunch in the cafeteria ONCE per semester???

By Theresa

March 3, 2009 3:51 PM | Link to this

Hey New Mom — Michael does excellent Power Points. He uses lots of color and has stuff move around. (Actually Rose had to help make some things move — she learned to do it at school!)

He also likes to have sound effects. I was supposed to go in to talk to Rose’s class about Italy. I studied there and Michael lived there so I was bringing in a bunch of antipasto and even homemade fried calamari for the kids to try. I was planning to just bring in our photo book to share with the kids and instead Michael made a Power Point of the Italy photos. It turned out really nicely with facts about different cities and interactive maps. But his favorite feature was this photo of an ambulance in Venice that was of course a boat. He found a European ambulance siren sound effect and had it play on the ambulance photo. Rose loved it. Sadly we couldn’t make it work for the presentation but the kids did like his second power point!

How are you feeling?/ When is your due date again?

By new mom

March 3, 2009 4:00 PM | Link to this

OK, that does sounds like a fun power point! I guess I was picturing the ones my husband does for the developers when he speaks at conferences…just looking at them bores me to tears! That and the content is greek to me too. I suppose I forgot they can be made more fun!

I’m actually better now then I had been (knock on wood) I am hoping the worst of the nausea has passed. Thank you for asking! Our due date is Sept. 18th, just days after our little one’s second birthday! Fingers and toes crossed that baby #2 arrives on her very own day, and they aren’t ‘twins years apart’.

By FCM

March 3, 2009 5:10 PM | Link to this

MJG—-I could make it to lunch if I didn’t live so dang far from work….Something I working on changing.

However I gave my kids a choice. I could do the occasional lunch, reading and party OR I could take the whole day off when they are off (like next Friday) they voted to take the whole day….especially since when I do we take a fun trip someplace—Next weekend will likely be Huntsville or Chattanooga.

By FCM

March 3, 2009 5:16 PM | Link to this

I will take a trip with the kids over doing a party at school ANY DAY.

I do however make sure they do the ‘working friendly’ activities like concerts, plays, or carnival even if we have to go late. We did the school play last week and I don’t think there was a single kid in the whole thing I knew (mine weren’t in it). They did a great job!

MJG it is the “we know best” thing that makes me loathe educators.

I have said it before and I will say it again. Who wants to walk my walk for a week?

By motherjanegoose

March 3, 2009 7:29 PM | Link to this

FCM…you may want to check on your day off of school on next Friday as ( I heard that) some districts WILL be in session since they are using this to make up for the snow day we had on Monday.

If your school was in session on Monday ( then you probably will be off or maybe they are using another day) then I hope you enjoy a wonderful day spending it with your children. I applaud you for taking time to spend a memory filled day with your children…have fun!

I am taking my daughter to NYC for spring break and we can’t wait!

FYI…I am not the one who came up with the statistics about children in school and parental involvement. Just sharing something that I read and did not “know best”.

i will use this analogy:

If you drive on the interstate every day back and forth to work, and someone tells you ( from Wisconsin…like my sister) that the traffic cannot be that bad in Atlanta and why are you whining about it…. YOU KNOW BEST!

When teachers are in the ” traffic” everyday with thousands of children we MAY see and hear more than those ( intelligent but not on the same page) parents who are not in the classroom.

I previously mentioned that my neighbor, who is an engineer and VERY intelligent, has recently told me ( since subbing in HS school science classes) “you sure learn a lot when you work with children…you see it all…” I am proud that she is able to realize that even though she is quite an expert( miles more intelligent than me) in her own field…teaching can open your eyes!

I do not know about your walk but the majority of my clients tell me, “I could NEVER do what you do…you have more energy than anyone I know…how do you keep it all straight?” Sometimes, I cannot…LOL…

Last week ( in 3 days) delayed flight and almost missed the connection, lost baggage and then flight cancelled, so I drove home to beat the snowstorm.

Off to the airport again…am I crazy?

By FCM

March 4, 2009 10:08 AM | Link to this

MJG—FC is still in.

Are you crazy? Well I wouldn’t want the travel schedule you have, but I wouldn’t want the one of a Pilot either. Just makes you well, you.

My first post points out that it is unquestionable that Dad’s (and of course Mom’s) are important to the life of a child. where they need to be.

I garauntee that child will have more school difficulties if Mom or Dad (or both) is unemployed because they were at school being an ‘involved parent’ all the dang time.

Yes my priorites go from keeping the roof over the head and food on the table FIRST to school involvement second.