MOMania

By FCM

February 24, 2009 8:50 AM | Link to this

If one of those same friends’ child ends up going to Harvard or Princeton does that mean all of those children must go Ivy League?

By Theresa

February 24, 2009 8:55 AM | Link to this

It all shakes out in college, but some how it seems meaner to make those distinctions when they are living under one roof and it’s much more obvious. Also at what point do you decide this one has more potential than that one? How long do they get to develop before being judged as worthy of an elite school?

By Jesse's Girl

February 24, 2009 9:07 AM | Link to this

You do what is right for each individual child….I personally do not run a Socialist home. Every child has different needs…you adjust accordingly. I agree…this would never be an issue if the child was “special needs” as opposed to “gifted”. On a lighter note…miss you all. Feel like I haven’t been around at all lately. Very busy with lessons and musical season is upon me….Keep making me giggle though!!!

By Mattie

February 24, 2009 10:21 AM | Link to this

Our eldest went to private school from 9th grade on. It was his choice, and we weren’t happy with the public HS where we were living anyway. Now our two younger ones are in the public HS here, and we are all happy with it.

BUT, the eldest also went to a private college. His room fees alone totaled what it will cost to send the next one to GA Southern in the fall. Child # 2 is not as strong a student as #1, and is fine with the state school. The problem will arise when #3 is ready in another year. He is a great student, and should get into GA Tech with no problem. That is our wish for him. He wants to go to an out-of-state engineering school, and keeps bringing up what we were willing to spend on #1. We have told him if he gets scholarships equal to to cost of attending in-state with HOPE, he can go wherever he wants, but he is still pushing to get what his big brother did.

By b

February 24, 2009 12:03 PM | Link to this

We have done this. Our oldest went to N Fulton schools, graduating from Northview. In retrospect it was a great place. I could brag but suffice to say, in college, doing well, utilizing HOPE and an athletic scholarship.

Our youngest has learning disabilities and after suffering through 6 years of elementary school and paying for a specialized tutor for more than three years, we went private. It has been a sacrifice for both our oldest and ourselves to do this, but how can we not provide the best possible academic opportunities available?

Each child has their own strengths and weaknesses and need to be looked at as individuals, but I don’t know if I would send a child that didn’t “need” to be in a private school if I couldn’t send all of my children. It is a very different world; small classes, service-oriented, uniform-wearing, and discipline is strict. If you have one in private and one in public high school, there are two different styles that you need to deal with. Jeans for one, tie and coat for the other? Book bills for one, more options for AP/Honors classes. The list goes on.

Do not make the decision lightly and make sure you know what the differences will be and how you will handle that in your home.

By Name Game

February 24, 2009 12:42 PM | Link to this

I don’t believe in one size fits all parenting. You children are unique in every way, so different things will affect them differently.

My sisters and I all ended up going to three different high schools. My mom fought hard to keep us in the same school, but we all had different needs academically and in extra curriculars. Besides, my younger siblings were tired of being seen as “Name Game’s little sister” and wanted to be in an environment where they could do their own thing.

That being said, I and my middle sister went to public schools, and the youngest went to private. And we were all happy with the end result.

By FCM

February 24, 2009 1:02 PM | Link to this

Theresa—I realize it shakes out in College level but to me it is the same principle.

JG—I am right with you girl. Everyone in my house is not equal…I have more than the kids…I also do not have a Socialist home or a level playing field. I want to play to each child’s strengths and work on their areas opportunity.

I am facing tough decisions regarding a child that has completely shut down to school. It lends itself to this topic well. Therefore I will write more tonight when I am able.

By Shannon

February 24, 2009 1:21 PM | Link to this

I only have one child for that exact reason. I have a daughter in private school and there is no way that I can pay tuition for two!

By Shannon

February 24, 2009 1:23 PM | Link to this

I only have one child for that exact reason. I have a daughter in private school and there is no way that I can pay tuition for two!

By HB

February 24, 2009 1:26 PM | Link to this

Sheesh! What is it with people tossing around the word “socialist” lately?! If we are going on the assumption that students have different educational needs, then yes, you do have socialist homes. Or Marxist ones. “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.” Your kids are not earning their way into private schools in these situations. You are providing for them based on their needs, not on their production, in the hopes that by tailoring to those needs all will be successful. If your homes were “capitalist”, you’d send all your kids to to the same school, and leave it up to them to sink or swim. The “gifted” kid would only go to a better school if he could earn it himself, either through academic scholarship or his lemonade stand, and the special needs child would not get special tutoring in to help him pass the “regular” class.

By Shannon

February 24, 2009 1:26 PM | Link to this

I only have one child for that exact reason. I have a daughter in private school and there is no way that I can pay tuition for two!

By FCM

February 24, 2009 3:42 PM | Link to this

Actually I follow this principal at home:

Socia Contract [Theory] implies that the people give up some rights to a government and other authority in order to receive or jointly preserve social order.

By catlady

February 24, 2009 7:06 PM | Link to this

I don’t think you owe any child an explanation. As soon as you start doing that you have to explain every move you make and every decision you make for every child. Parents do not have to explain their decisions. And if you do explain, you end up sounding defensive. Forget it. Just say, “That is what we decided.” Because THAT is the answer!

By catlady

February 24, 2009 7:12 PM | Link to this

BTW, when my kids tried to pull the “but you let him and you won’t let me” crap, I would just look them in the eye and say, “That’s because I love him more than you.” Of course, then they would say, “But you don’t love him more” and I would say, “You are right. I don’t.” And that was really the end of discussion. Parents, you don’t have to justify your decisions to your children. As a teacher, I see this a lot, and I can tell you it doesn’t work. The answer to the question of perceived inequity is: that’s what your dad and I decided. And refuse to engage the question again.

By George

February 25, 2009 7:16 AM | Link to this

If you have a child whose particular educational needs (whatever they are—I believe that giftedness is a special need) require a setting that you can only find in a private school, and you can afford that school, send him. Unless your other child has the exact same need, then there is no reason to send the other child to the same school.

The only problem I have is with the way this discussion is being framed. There is a mistaken notion that a child—any child—will receive a better education at any private school than they will at any public school. This is false. Many public schools in the Atlanta area are much higher-quality schools than their private counterparts.

By Dan

February 25, 2009 8:29 AM | Link to this

This is clearly a dilemma for parents, however it would be a more realistic discussion, if it were intiated by a rational rather than sensationalized intro. The avg cost of private schools in GA is closer to $6K so your premise of “often $18K” is clearly intended to skew the discussion.

By NICK

February 25, 2009 8:32 AM | Link to this

Why waste your money on a kid who will not do well at a private school? Public schools are terrible everywhere, but unless you have a ton of cash for private school, it comes down to a business decision.

By DB

February 25, 2009 10:44 AM | Link to this

@Dan, the average cost of a private college prep school in the Atlanta area is between $13K and $16K a year. While it’s true that the average comes down when you add in all the private elementary church schools around Georgia that are thrown into that average, for all practical purposes, if you live in Atlanta, you aren’t going to get away with less than four figures for a comprehensive, SACS-accredited college-prep school. That’s just the way it is. I’m sure there are cheaper private schools outside the Atlanta metro area, but it’s not as if my kids are going to be commuting to Macon, Augusta or Savannah, now, is it?

In our family, every child gets what they NEED (and a little of what they WANT) — not what the other kid needs. Because my son played soccer, does that mean that my daughter had to play soccer? Heck, no. So why would I force one kid to go to a school just because the other one did? As it turns out, it was a choice we didn’t have to make, as their private school worked well for both of them. At one point we discussed changing schools for one child to take advantage of a public magnet school in an area they were interested in. Various reasons played into our decision to stay at the private school. It was nice not having to juggle different spring breaks, different school holidays, etc. between different schools — but if it had been the best thing for our children, then that’s what we would have done.

@Mattie, I understand that family circumstances change from year to year — but I am curious why #3 is being told that they have to earn a scholarship to get the same thing that #1 got without any strings. Did the private college offer a field of study that #1 couldn’t find in Georgia? I’m not hung up on the difference between state and private colleges, since there are several state universities that (UVa, UNC-CH, etc.) that are in the top 20 national colleges. From the outside looking in, though, it does seem to be odd that #1 gets a free ride and #3 has to scramble for a scholarship. It may look like that to #3, too. However, as I said, circumstances change, and certainly the kids are old enough to understand what that means.

By DB

February 25, 2009 1:19 PM | Link to this

Sorry, I meant “less than FIVE figures”, not four!