MOMania

By ebaby

January 12, 2009 6:11 AM | Link to this

A little bit out of necesity (I am 8 months pregnant) and out of her initiative, our 2 year old helps me sort laundry, pick up toys, and load the washer and dryer. She seems to get a kick out of throwing the clothes around, but getting her to pick up toys is much more of a challenge. If I can get her to pick up 10% of what’s around, I consider it a success. I am trying to teach her to put a toy away before getting another one out. She also helps set the table by taking things from the kitchen to the table. She always wants to help in the kitchen, and that seems to be the lowest risk task.

I am definitely surprised by some of the suggested chores for a 5 yo. Cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming seems a bit much. Hanging clothes seems approrpiate.

By lakerat

January 12, 2009 7:42 AM | Link to this

“paying for small items (although, Walsh often pockets the change).

Walsh is going to make an excellent accountant someday!

By momtoAlex&Max

January 12, 2009 7:58 AM | Link to this

We decided 5 yeas ago to go with a cleaning services, so there are no vaccuming, dusting, or bathroom cleaning jobs to do.

We fight a constant battle with the straightening, picking up toys, putting clothes in the hamper, putting dishes in the sink, etc. They do it, but only when I am on them every 2 minutes. As for cooking, I am too protective of my kitchen and I tend to serve dinner buffett style, so everyone takes their own plate and flatware, so that’s out.

I think chores are important, but really, sometimes I get tired of fighting it. I just don’t have the energy.

By JJ

January 12, 2009 7:59 AM | Link to this

It comes and goes at my house. My daughter is very lazy, and I admit I am too. My house is not spotless by any means. We definatly LIVE in our home.

However, there is a place for everything. My daughter has the “Walk and Drop” mentality. School books here, cloths there, wrappers wherever they land. It drives me crazy. Her room is a dump!!!!

She has household responsibilities, but she is also working two jobs and going to high school. So I tend to turn the other cheek. I just pull her bedroom door closed so I don’t have to look at the mess.

I try to pick up as I go, but I do get lazy sometimes. My kitchen is the worst, only because I am in there SO much more than any other room in the house. I’m constantly cooking or making SOMETHING.

It’s clean over all, but a little messy for the most part.

By motherjanegoose

January 12, 2009 8:02 AM | Link to this

You nailed it on the easier and faster comment. Some parents are calling their children to wake them up at college! This is a pervasive thought with today’s parents and why many kids do not know how to do a thing for themselves. I am seriously concerned about children today, no manners, no chores, no responsibilities. They do not need to do a lot…just a little boost in knowing that EVERYONE does things EVERYDAY that they do not want to do and this is how we all work together.

My neighbor ( a 5th grade teacher) once told me that at a holiday party her students were sitting on the floor playing games. A drink was knocked over and she watched the boy who it belonged to. He was uninterested. When she finally asked him why he was not cleaning it up…he said, ” at my house my mom does all the cleaning up…” OH RIGHT!

Another parent was told that her preschooler did not help during clean up and whined. ” does he help at home?” asked the teacher? “”No…he says it hurts his arms to pick things up…so we do it for him…” GEE it hurts me to cook, wash, vaccuum, ahop, etc…why did I not think of it?

SOS…children need some chores and it is never too early to start. Two year olds can pass out napkins on the dinner table and school agers can set their own alarm clocks. Yea, you will need to check on them. Yikes!

By Kathy

January 12, 2009 8:04 AM | Link to this

When someone figures out how to get children to do chores, they should patent it!! When I ask Little E to help me clean up the playroom she’ll say, “My hands are broken!” or “I’m going to faint!”

For some reason, she likes to help put the silverware away when I am emptying the dishwasher, but she won’t pick up the Barbies….go figure.

I personally don’t want anyone shorter than me cleaning my toilets or vacuuming (okay I’m not talking about adults shorter than me….children). I would rather do the major stuff and Little E focus on the minor stuff….putting her shoes away, getting snack for school, putting her clothes in the laundry hamper, etc.

By Homeschool Mom

January 12, 2009 8:14 AM | Link to this

I married a man whose mother did everything for him (he’s an only child)and his Dad. I’ve never wanted my boys to feel like they HAD to get married before they were ready just to have someone to take care of them so I’ve taught them to do everything for themselves. They are teens now but they’ve been cleaning, cooking and doing their own laundry for QUITE awhile. You have to be firm in making them (and sometimes FIRM means on their backsides!)and through trial and error they will learn whether they like it or not…I don’t particularly like it either but it has to get done.(Hubby has learned over the years too!)

By Jesse's Girl

January 12, 2009 8:24 AM | Link to this

Our kids are actually pretty decent about this. Even sans bribes! The Boy…who turns 6 in a week…makes his bed. Sometimes he remembers to do it before he leaves in the morning. Sometimes I have to remind him that it should have been done and he will do it when he gets home from shool. He cleans his own room and puts away his own clothes. He is also an excellent grocery-guy! He’s as strong as a horse and can get most everything in before I get the first load up! The girls, 10 and 12 in a week, need a little coaxing…but not much. They do all the above plus any dusting and vaccuuming. The kitchen is my domain. I am a burgeoning OCDer with the germy kitchen and it’s surfaces! Thats the one place I would really rather tackle myself. Its just not clean enough when the others do it.

By motherjanegoose

January 12, 2009 8:29 AM | Link to this

Me again…I am all for a cleaning service but if children are not taught to clean up and happen to move into a dorm with someone who has been taught…is that fair to the roommate? Do they have dorm cleaning services? WE are NOT going to win the neat house EVER but my kids can clean up…do they want to NO. Have I argued about it…yes!

Here is a tip: asking young children to clean up a room is like asking a 20 something to look in the pantry and cook dinner. YOU NEED TO BE MORE SPECIFIC. Example: Here are three things I want you to do… pull up your comforter pick up everything that is laying on the floor hang up your clothes

No, you do not need to make your children clean up and can get someone else to do it but when they go to school, the teachers will not clean up after them. They will have to learn somehow.

I remember parents telling me years ago, “we cannot teach our Kinder to tie his shoes…can you do it?’ I replied, ” oh yes, I will just skip the ABC’s and math..no problem. OR he could where velcro forever…” Lucky I wasn’t fired but I guess the principal saw potential.

I had a student who drank prune juice and ginger ale EVERY DAY in his thermos. If his parents could get him to do that…there is hope!

Mom to alex and max, sorry but you have the current thought going in your last statement…too much trouble…I see it all the time.

When I was a girl we had farm chores. I read an article about a senior who got into a fancy school as his grades were good but not stellar. He lived on a farm in the midwest and did chores every day…the school saw potential for someone who was organized and disciplined…not afraid to work.
I also am aware of someone whose mother has written a college paper or two….hello? WHEN should they start being responsible…with little things first… Just my opinion and it won’t be popular in HOTLANTA.

By jct

January 12, 2009 8:32 AM | Link to this

Chores are important. Kids can do much more than we give them credit for. Parts of personal responsibility are taught. You have to train them young; otherwise they will never realize what it takes to take care of a home.

I am with MJG. I am truly concerned for young people as well. My step son has always had chores. We did not take chores away when he got a job. Part of it was learning how to balance his time for work, school and chores. You can not watch TV all night and leave chores undone because I will wake you up at 5:30 a.m. the morning when I get up for you complete the chore before school or if there is a chore that he has been slacking on (vacuuming the dining room once per week). I will do it and charge him $15 per chore that I complete. He knows that I am not a maid. We have chore board in our house where everyone has at least one chore per day.

I am a neat freak whom married into messy pack rats. I have now relaxed where only one floor will be perfectly clean. This week it is upstairs. No company is allowed this week. LOL

By Jeff

January 12, 2009 8:45 AM | Link to this

T will say I don’t do enough, and I def came from a home where mom (and dad, to a somewhat lesser extent) did dang near everything, but I tend to bring up the point that of the two of us, I was the only one that lived alone at any point in my life.

Meaning that while I don’t LIKE to do things, they do get done when I decide to do them.

Problem we have is that she tends to like everything spotless, and I like the place to look at least SOMEWHAT lived in. (In other words, I don’t mind if unexpected company sees a pile of laundry on the couch that still needs to be folded, though I will fold it and put it away before any expected company gets to the house.)

The biggest thing that I want the kids to take over from me is cutting the dang lawn. I can’t STAND it! I didn’t like it in North GA, and here below the bug line it is flat out MISERABLE - even doing it in January! And the sad thing is, my yard isn’t even that big - MAYBE 1/4 acre. Typical residential-but-not-subdivision area.

By new step mom

January 12, 2009 9:14 AM | Link to this

This is such a timely topic for our house. Mt stepdaughter (9yo) spent time with us at Christmas and expected full maid service. My house does not work that way. I have been on my own for 10 years since college and I can fend for myself and expect certain chores to be done by her when she is visiting…making bed, setting table etc. I also expect it to be done with a good attitude or no allowance…. We now have a chore chart and a better attitude, but it is still not great. Here is my question, when table manners are lacking, do you make that a “chore” to keep track of?

By new step mom

January 12, 2009 9:16 AM | Link to this

This is such a timely topic for our house. Mt stepdaughter (9yo) spent time with us at Christmas and expected full maid service. My house does not work that way. I have been on my own for 10 years since college and I can fend for myself and expect certain chores to be done by her when she is visiting…making bed, setting table etc. I also expect it to be done with a good attitude or no allowance…. We now have a chore chart and a better attitude, but it is still not great. Here is my question, when table manners are lacking, do you make that a “chore” to keep track of?

By Cammi317

January 12, 2009 10:10 AM | Link to this

I am guilty of the “it’s easier to do it myself” syndrome. I rarely ask my newly turned 11 y/o to do anything around the house. The only exception is about once a month I make her give her room a good cleaning. She has washed dishes maybe twice, and the same for vaccuming. The last time I let her vaccum she nearly destroyed the machine…there was nothing but smoke and the smell of burnt rubber. I wash and fold all of the laundry, but she puts her clothes away. She can cook a few simple items, but she is not the neatest cook. I am methodical about cleaning used dishes and putting things away as I cook.

By all for valuing work

January 12, 2009 10:13 AM | Link to this

I am hearing an interesting refrain in the posts today—“I don’t like doing things; they get done when I want to do them,” “My daughter is very lazy, and I admit I am too. My house is not spotless by any mean,” “I’m too protective of my kitchen…. I’m tired of fighting it,” or “It generally ends with my husband doing her portion of the work and dismissing her while shaking his head.”

How do children learn to do chores? You have to teach them. If your children are not helping around the house, look at what you have expected from them and what you have shown them how to do. Look at the example you personally are setting for them.

Chores are one of the first ways children learn the value of hard work and effort. Chores teach responsibility, and they allow an opportunity for children to have a sense of purpose and contribution to a whole (the family). They help teach children that it is good to do things for others and that having a clean home is important. They allow children to grow up to be self-sufficient, not always relying on others to do everything for them.

Children do not come out of the womb knowing how to cpick up their toys oor set the table. TThey learn first by watching their parents and secondly through direct instruction.

Toddlers can help put trash in the trash can and pick up toys. Elementary school kids can certainly learn to make up their beds and hang up their own clothes. Middle and high-school kids can help with laundry and lawn chores…. My 3 and 4 year olds love to help out, even “helping sweep” the driveway and “wash” the car. They watch my husband mow the lawn. They get to help set the table and “wash” the dishes. Do they do it perfectly? No, but the more they “help,” the more skills they pick up and the better they get at it. They also don’t see us complaining constantly about having to do the chores. They see them as necessary, valuable parts of life.

By Kathy

January 12, 2009 10:14 AM | Link to this

I agree with MJG about being specific in your requests. I found when I was teaching that the more specific I was, the better the results. I have to remind my husband of this all the time. He likes to tell Little E to “clean up the playroom” or “clean up the mess you made.” That can be very overwhelming for little ones (and big ones too). Also, making visual charts for kids is helpful. For example, if you want them to make their beds, get their snack, and put their pajamas away before school, make a visual checklist that they can see to help them get the job done. This helped a lot for my Kindergartners. Before they left for the day they had to get their coat, their bookbag and make their lunch choice for the next day. The sign near the cubbies had a picture of a coat, bookbag and food. This was very helpful for them and kept me from repeating my self a million times.

By SouthFultonMom

January 12, 2009 10:21 AM | Link to this

This is a tough one. My son has ADHD and since the therpist told us to put him on a schedule every day, chores are built in. They don’t always get done, but it does help. It’s also helping with his older brother. He gets a schedule now too. If chores aren’t done, no free time. It’s hard to enforce, but I won’t stop trying. I think kids should be made to do some chores. My parents didn’t make me, and I can tell you that I was one lazy chick. My home isn’t spotless, but it is bearable and doesn’t belong on an episode of Clean House!

By FCM

January 12, 2009 10:36 AM | Link to this

“is that fair to the roommate” This comment (MJG) got me thinking…Do we need to train our children so it will be ‘fair’ to those they meet later in life. Do not misunderstand. My 2 have chores (and consequences when said chores are not done)…they also have expectations to meet (ie putting your dirty clothes in the hamper is an expectation, helping do laundry so said clothes are clean and put away is a chore). However, I do this because 1- I am NOT the maid (she died apparently while I was child according to what my mom told us)…2-they live in the house and have a responsiblity help 3- it teaches them responsiblity and pride in a job However never once have I considered that I am teaching them to be ‘fair’ to whomever (roomate/spouse) they co-hab with later.

I do believe the earlier you start them, the better your chances of getting them to do it.

Now, my oldest is currently going through a “I cannot clean that because it requires chemicals” (like cleaning a sink or toliet) phase—I am open to suggestions.

By Jes's mom

January 12, 2009 10:37 AM | Link to this

My daughter just turned 2, but for the last 4-5 months we have had her help unloading the dishwasher and many times it’s her job to set the table. She is so happy to help out. We also shortened the swiffer stick and she pushes it around on the wood floors “helping” Picking up toys is a challenge, it’s almost like she is using selective hearing when you tell her to do it, but we’ll be working on that. For people who use cleaning services, what are you teaching your children?

By Numbers Guy

January 12, 2009 10:38 AM | Link to this

Tying it to an allowance has worked for us. He has to empty the trashcans, clean the toilets (he likes this - odd boy), and other small chores each week to get his cash. He likes cash enough that this has done the trick.

By phr

January 12, 2009 10:44 AM | Link to this

I think that chores are important for kids too! As long as you make them age appropriate and be specific things go pretty well.

My son will be 7 in a few days. Right now he is responsible for putting dirty clothes in the laundry room, taking the garbage can from the street up to the garage, picking up his toys after he plays with them, getting himself dressed in the morning, putting dirty dishes in the sink (most of the time) and bathing himself (I’m usually around to monitor). I don’t have him make his bed, but I have noticed when we travel he always makes his bed wherever we are. Maybe he is trying to be like me because I’ve always been a make up my bed kind of person.

By Cammi317

January 12, 2009 10:47 AM | Link to this

Numbers Guy —- I guess that would work if she didn’t already know that she would get what she wanted regardless in the end. Admittedly, my problem is follow through…all bark and no bite.

By Stacey

January 12, 2009 10:54 AM | Link to this

Funny this should come up today because my husband and I had this conversation Saturday morning. We were leaving home around 8:30 a.m. and saw three girls (I’m guessing the ages to be 8-12)raking leaves in the front & side yard. My husband commented to our 7 year old that when we were growing up kids had to get up early on Saturday mornings and get all of our chores done before we could watch cartoons or go out to play. (He still can’t get over us telling him that cartoons were only on Saturday mornings with the exception of Tom & Jerry).

For the most part, my son just has to clean up behind himself (put his plate in the sink after meals, through away his trash, put away toys, etc). He likes to vacuum and load the washer (I sort the laundry, add detergent and turn the machine on). I think he is capable of doing more than he does but like others have said, I usually don’t make him. Although he probably misses as many spots as he hits with the vacuum, I don’t go behind him and redo it nor do I make him redo it unless he obviously half did it so he could to play or watch TV.

By SuwaneeMom

January 12, 2009 11:00 AM | Link to this

First I have to comment on one of my favorite Mad Men episodes, where the daughter Sally fixes Daddy Don a perfect cocktail. My husband and I died laughing watching that episode since we relate to that. Growing up my husband learned to fix his dad a Tom Collins and I was Dad’s beer runner to the downstairs basement to get him a cold one before dinner. Luckily, I don’t think either one of us was traumatized by this experience. Now I send my daughter to fetch my cell phone when I leave it upstairs.

Second, a friend of mine gave me this tip once when my daughter would not clean up her room. Give them a time limit (10 minutes) then whatever is still on the floor goes into a kitchen trash bag and she has to “work” to get her items back. After losing a few of her favorite things, now just the mention of the bag or fluffing out a new kitchen bag will make her move.

By Numbers Guy

January 12, 2009 11:02 AM | Link to this

Yeah, Cammi, you have to make it count. We told him at the outset that if he doesn’t do it and one of us does, we get the money. He’s smart enough that we haven’t had to follow through on that one yet, but he’ll present us that situation one day, I’m sure - and he’ll watch me pocket the money if I did his job. Just like the real world.

By Mattie

January 12, 2009 11:06 AM | Link to this

I admit to falling into the “it is easier to do it myself” trap with three teenage sons. I just close the door to their bedrooms or make their beds myself.

I am at least somewhat heartened by my oldest telling me his college roommates were slobs, and how often he had to clean the kitchen and bathroom up after them. He finally reached an agreement that they would buy the cleaning supplies, and he would do the work. So, some of my standards seem to have sunk in.

My husband will sometimes clean the kitchen up after dinner, but our house is divided by indoor and outdoor chores. The boys all help with the yard work, most of the rest falls to me. They do all have after school jobs now, so I cut them some slack. One thing I am adamant about: if they have guests, like the weekly sleepovers in the basement, then they must put all the pillows, blankets and airbeds away. I am waiting for one of them to smarten up and have the friends help before they take off!

By amy

January 12, 2009 11:12 AM | Link to this

FCM-there are alternatives to chemical cleaners. You can make your own cleaners, see website: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/make-your-own-non-toxic-cleaning-kit.html

By new mom

January 12, 2009 11:25 AM | Link to this

I try to remind myself of things I’ve read regarding raising children—we are actually ‘raising adults’. (just as farmers don’t raise chicks or calves, they raise chickens and cows) Meaning that we should be helping our child to turn out OK, and be a responsible, independent and self-sufficient adult. Like one of the seven habits of highly successful people—‘begin with the end in mind.’

With a nearly 16 mth old, we aren’t at the “chore” stage, but she is just learning things to do around the house. I ask her to put her toys in a tub, and she smiles and runs to do it. Then we praise her, since she followed directions. This works with putting books on a shelf, even making our bed. (When I sing ‘now it’s time to make the bed, she runs to the throw pillows and tries to hoist them on the bed. I say great job, since she’s helping!) She loves laundry time, it’s more fun to her then her playroom! She is working on putting her tiny socks into a little lingerie bag (good fine motor skills, plus that bag keeps those tiny socks contained in the washer/dryer)

I’ve been told this stage won’t last, but I’m really trying to get her used to the idea that we pick up, clean up, put back, etc. and that it’s just what we do. I’m sure someday we’ll have to resort to other methods, but it certainly won’t be a foreign concept to her!

I just don’t want her to grow up thinking that mommy and daddy will always clean up her messes, or that she’s too good to look after her own business. Our house isn’t pristine, but it’s always presentable—with our baby girl’s help! :)

By ebaby

January 12, 2009 11:26 AM | Link to this

Jes’s mom I have a two year old too, and we are getting her to help. I also have a lady that helps me clean one afternoon a week. She does most of the work while we are out of the house, but we see her while she is ironing and putting the vacuum away. While we have a lady that helps us, I dont think that this will hurt my child’s perception of reality. Everything else is done by us, and even we iron and vacuum sometimes if we have been particularly messy that week. Plus, when she and her brother are old enough, we plan on giving them cleaning chores in order to cut costs on maid-service. I think that will also teach them the value of money.

By Da Mick

January 12, 2009 11:28 AM | Link to this

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By catlady

January 12, 2009 11:29 AM | Link to this

When I have a kid at school who is not showing responsibility for his work and personal space/belongings, I ask the mom what chores he does at home. 99% of the parents look at me blankly. There is a strong correlation. Responsibility in one area leads to responsible behavior in other areas.

There are age-appropriate taskes for toddlers on up. Each member of the family has to contribute. I advocate choosing chores with natural consequences: if the table is not set, we cannot eat, etc. DO NOT PAY FOR THE CHORE—DOES ANYONE PAY YOU TO COOK DINNER OR WASH CLOTHES? Chores are part of living in a family. For everyone. (unless deathly ill). No excuses.

Parents, think for the long, term, big picture, instead of what is easier and quicker today. Please.

From a teacher with 36 years experience.

By CW

January 12, 2009 11:45 AM | Link to this

When our daughters were young they were curious about house work and observed us doing things like cleaning bathrooms and we encouraged them to help us with sorting clothes. As they got older they lost interest, but we did not and firmly indicated our expectations such as making their bed and dusting their rooms. Over time we added additional duties. Now they clean their room, wash and fold clothes, mop the kitchen floor, etc. They have responsibilities for meals: one sets and clears the table while the other gets drinks; both prepare and cook one meal a week and wash the dishes on those nights. If they did not do their chores there were consequences (lost access to toys, or favorite outfit etc.) They are now 17 and 12.

By ms. hoo

January 12, 2009 11:48 AM | Link to this

yes; they are required to. It is a major part of parenting to teach kids personal responsibility, and that starts at home.

By Michelle

January 12, 2009 11:49 AM | Link to this

Absoulety kids should have chores!! We had to do things when we were kids, and it’s the same for mine! My 5 year old is resoponsible for putting his clothes in his basket, and sorting them on laundry day. He also puts away the silverware from the dishwasher (most days LOL), he helps vacuum, put away his own socks and underware, and puts his dishes in the sink! I find that when his older brothers are consistently doing their chores without grumbling and complaining, he is happy to pitch in and do just about anything! As long as there is an expectation of “this is your house too” I think they eventually start to get the picture. It only took 1-2 times of the “girlfriend” seeing the house a mess, or not getting to go out because of chores to get the big point across to the teens!

It’s a little harder with the 5 year old. It take A LOT more time!! There are some days I want to give in and do it myself, but I have to keep trying. It once took me 3 days to get him to pick the trash up off the floor! He lost TV time, outside play, etc, but it eventually got done!

By say what?

January 12, 2009 11:50 AM | Link to this

FCM- There are basic products from days before Clorox, and other cleaners. Calgon lye soap is good form cleaning and bathing. Always have lemon juice, baking soda, and vinegar on hand. These are the best old timey cleaners.

Suwannee mom- When i threatened my son with the same stuff goes into a trash bag, it worked. But this did not work with my now 8 y/o when she was 4. I told them that too much stuff needed to be picked up, so get to it in 10 minutes. I came back my son did his part, but my challenging daughter, sent me into a tizzy, and I upped the anty- to whatever is on the floor goes in the trash. Not a blink later she told me ” Go ahead,pick it up and throw it away, I didn’t buy it anyway”. So being the in control adult that I am I carried through with my discipline: I had to throw away things that were recently purchased.

Each kid has had one of those electric/mini brooms for them to clean the bed room floors a few times each week as the vacuum was too heavy. They still use the electric brooms. Now that they are older (11 and 8) they have made a game out of cleaning without supervision. They can turn on the stereo and dance with the vacuum and dust rag. I do not allow them to use the carpet cleaner, but everything else is up for use in the war against dirt. They can also wash all of the dark uniform pants separate from the white uniform tops, so I don’t have to wash their uniforms. The first time, my son put Tide in the rinse cycle- why- because it had Downy in it. Teaching responsibility is difficult but a worthwhile experience that will pay off in the future.

By Lis

January 12, 2009 11:51 AM | Link to this

My little one will say her head hurts, her hands hurt or she’s sleepy when asked to do something, or to be paid or doing her chores - real lil business woman.

By say what?

January 12, 2009 11:53 AM | Link to this

FCM- There are basic products from days before Clorox, and other cleaners. Calgon lye soap is good form cleaning and bathing. Always have lemon juice, baking soda, and vinegar on hand. These are the best old timey cleaners.

Suwannee mom- When i threatened my son with the same stuff goes into a trash bag, it worked. But this did not work with my now 8 y/o when she was 4. I told them that too much stuff needed to be picked up, so get to it in 10 minutes. I came back my son did his part, but my challenging daughter, sent me into a tizzy, and I upped the anty- to whatever is on the floor goes in the trash. Not a blink later she told me ” Go ahead,pick it up and throw it away, I didn’t buy it anyway”. So being the in control adult that I am I carried through with my discipline: I had to throw away things that were recently purchased.

Each kid has had one of those electric/mini brooms for them to clean the bed room floors a few times each week as the vacuum was too heavy. They still use the electric brooms. Now that they are older (11 and 8) they have made a game out of cleaning without supervision. They can turn on the stereo and dance with the vacuum and dust rag. I do not allow them to use the carpet cleaner, but everything else is up for use in the war against dirt. They can also wash all of the dark uniform pants separate from the white uniform tops, so I don’t have to wash their uniforms. The first time, my son put Tide in the rinse cycle- why- because it had Downy in it. Teaching responsibility is difficult but a worthwhile experience that will pay off in the future.

By say what?

January 12, 2009 11:54 AM | Link to this

FCM- There are basic products from days before Clorox, and other cleaners. Calgon lye soap is good form cleaning and bathing. Always have lemon juice, baking soda, and vinegar on hand. These are the best old timey cleaners.

Suwannee mom- When i threatened my son with the same stuff goes into a trash bag, it worked. But this did not work with my now 8 y/o when she was 4. I told them that too much stuff needed to be picked up, so get to it in 10 minutes. I came back my son did his part, but my challenging daughter, sent me into a tizzy, and I upped the anty- to whatever is on the floor goes in the trash. Not a blink later she told me ” Go ahead,pick it up and throw it away, I didn’t buy it anyway”. So being the in control adult that I am I carried through with my discipline: I had to throw away things that were recently purchased.

Each kid has had one of those electric/mini brooms for them to clean the bed room floors a few times each week as the vacuum was too heavy. They still use the electric brooms. Now that they are older (11 and 8) they have made a game out of cleaning without supervision. They can turn on the stereo and dance with the vacuum and dust rag. I do not allow them to use the carpet cleaner, but everything else is up for use in the war against dirt. They can also wash all of the dark uniform pants separate from the white uniform tops, so I don’t have to wash their uniforms. The first time, my son put Tide in the rinse cycle- why- because it had Downy in it. Teaching responsibility is difficult but a worthwhile experience that will pay off in the future.

By schmeika

January 12, 2009 12:10 PM | Link to this

What in the world are you talking about bribing a child to do household chores. MY Belief is if I have to get up and go to work to provide those nice clothes,shoes and any other particulars that you may WANT NOT NEEED THEN U CAN DO ANYTHING THAT I NEED U TO DO. I have a 12 year son and he cuts the grass,vacuums, irons his own clothes,washes the dishes and he even wash and folds his own dirty draws. I also have a 6 year daughter now she is unable to do alot of things but she vacuums her bedroom, puts her clothes in the washer, after I fold she puts up her own clothes and she cleans her own room. There is no bribing. Either it will get done or you will face the consequences. I was brought up to where I am the parent and they are the children. Although some compromise has to be done between a parent and a child this is a area where I see no benefit. And please do not get it twisted Mama does her share too. It is a team effort.

By catlady

January 12, 2009 12:10 PM | Link to this

For those whose kids are “too tired” to help, follow John Redmond’s advice: for young children, they go to bed an hour earlier for a couple of weeks. If they are teenagers, they are housebound except for school and church and their rooms are stripped of “fun” stuff (like computers and cell phones and video games) and they are sent to their rooms after supper to study or read or reflect on who is the adult in the household.

While it is great to see that some kids are required to pick up after themselves (very important) they should also have chores that are for the welfare of the whole family.

Do you think it is too late because you child is 8 or 12 or whatever? It is NOT too late. Man up and be a PARENT!

By carla

January 12, 2009 12:23 PM | Link to this

I love this blog!! My stepdaughter is 9 and for the last two years she has to come home, do her homework correctly and mostly by herself, fix herself a snack and if she wants to play a video game or on the computer she has to finish her chores first. I tell her that both her dad and I have to do our work before we can play and so must she. She has vacuumed, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher and cleans her room and puts her clothes away.
My mom grew up in a poor household of 12 kids and all the kids had to work around the house. Because of that she never made my sister and I do anything more than clean our room. When I got out on my own keeping my apartment clean was completely overwhelming because I had never had to do anything before. I want my kids to have a better start. I mean, don’t we all wish we could waive a magic wand and have our house cleaned?

By Baseball Mom

January 12, 2009 1:06 PM | Link to this

I have 2 sons 17 months apart. Currently they are 14 and 15. Since they were 3 and 4 they have made up their beds, brought their laundry down. As they got older I added chores…they emptied the dishwasher, clear their plates after Dinner. They put their clothes away once I have finished with the laundry. As of today, they continue to make their beds prior to going to school, and they help in the house as needed. On the weekends they now change the sheets on their beds, dust and vaccum their rooms. Then one vaccums upsatirs while the other does downstairs. It started back sometime ago when my now 15 yr old wanted something he always drew up a contract of what he would do and he and I would sign and then when he lived up to the contract he got whatever he was working for.

Both of us work outside the home and they know they are a part of the family and are learning to help take care of themselves. My 15 year gets up by himself every morning showers/does his room and is ready for school. The 14 year old still has some problems waking in the AM but this is the least of my problems.

I started while they were young and if they want to go somewhere they always ask…what do I need to do to go out. It took patience in the beginning but they can do things to help in the household. Both can cook enough to feed themselves without going hungry. I have had less discipline problems than some of my or their friends who talk back to their parents or show lack or respect.

My kids have ground rules and understand what their limits are.

I am an older mom and I did this when I was growing up and believe we need to get back to basics such as who is the parent and who is the child?

By Morrigan

January 12, 2009 1:07 PM | Link to this

*Kathy, *

Does Little E get punished for lying about fainting and broken hands?

Or is it just too cute for words?

By JJ

January 12, 2009 1:19 PM | Link to this

When my daughter was younger, I had a “job chart” posted on the refridgerator. EVERYTHING that needed to be done around the house was on that list, yard work included.

Every time she did a chore, she checked if off on the chart, and was paid for that chore.

If I told her to do something, and she didn’t do it, or needed telling again, I deducted money.

It’s amazing how money can motivate kids.

By Older and not wiser

January 12, 2009 1:33 PM | Link to this

As a single mom for several years with a full time job outside the home, my then 4 and 8 year old had to learn to help. My son was in charge of making “sock buddies” (pairing socks) and my daughter did dishes every night after dinner.

I can’t say the passing years have expanded their chore list much, but I did find that money can be a motivator if applied correctly. When I told my son he could make $5 dollars pulling weeds in the front yard, he decided it wasn’t enough for the job. It looked a lot better when he ended up doing it for free.

Most importantly, how long a chore takes isn’t relevent. In my house, they are assigned and I move on to something else. The kids don’t do anything else until their job is done and over time, their concentration has increased and time duration has decreased.

By Kathy

January 12, 2009 1:35 PM | Link to this

Morrigan….I hope you are kidding about asking me if I punish my daughter for saying those things. OF COURSE NOT!!! She is not “lying”….she is 3 and she says crazy cute things like that all the time to be silly. We either laugh it off or ignore it. She just does not get to do the next thing she wants to do until she cleans up what she was playing with.

By new mom

January 12, 2009 2:01 PM | Link to this

Although I agree that kids should learn how to help around the house without the use of paying/bribing them, I do remember hearing a financial planner say this: By setting up a system in which you pay for specific tasks, then withhold pay when tasks are not done, you can help them prepare for how the real world works. They can learn that when they work hard and accomplish all of their jobs, they get paid. If they slack off, you ‘fire’ them, and stop paying them. Even stop buying them the little extras along the way…because they were fired!
Another advantage would be for them to have some money that they earned, and are responsible for. How do you learn how to manage money when you don’t have a dime?

And I also think this system might be more effective then paying a flat-fee weekly allowance, but then again, we aren’t near this stage yet.

Before anyone starts complaining about how mean this would be to our precious babies, how many young adults in the workforce don’t know what an honest day’s work means? (I knew a bunch…)

By lynn

January 12, 2009 2:07 PM | Link to this

FCM - check out our website at www.nzymsys.com. All natural products that smell and work better than anything over the counter.

By motherjanegoose

January 12, 2009 2:21 PM | Link to this

whoo hoo catlady…I am on your team!

FCM…if everyone in the world gave one minute’s thought about being fair to those around us, it would be a nicer place.
I have lived my life about trying to be fair to my neighbors, co workers, clients and friends. I am sad to report that so many others are not understanding or complying with this concept.

Today it is all about ME and what I need.

Creative kids come up with creative excuses but parents have to be a little more creative rather than caving.

The prevailing theme with children today is lack of respect, responsibility and resourcefulness…some adults too! Teachers everywhere will give a hearty AMEN.

Our society was built on hard work and those who could stick to it. Today, everyone wants things right away with no investment.

I have visited Title One Schools where most of the parents are driving cars that I could not afford to drive…see the definition:

Title One This program provides financial assistance to LEAs and schools with high numbers or high percentages of poor children to help ensure that all children meet challenging state academic standards. Federal funds are currently allocated through four statutory formulas that are based primarily on census poverty estimates and the cost of allocated through four statutory formulas that are based primarily on census poverty estimates and the cost of education in each state.

Why is it that these folks can drive nice cars when my tax dollars are being used to provide meals and extras for their children….PRIORITY.

I am HAPPY to help those who need it but if you are driving a JAG please pay for your kid’s lunch on your own.

If you do not make personal responsibility a priority in your children… IT SCREAMS OUT WHEN THEY GET TO SCHOOL!

By catlady

January 12, 2009 2:41 PM | Link to this

I agree with paying for “extraordinary” jobs—those not happening frequently—like weeding the flowerbed or washing the car. The child learns negotiating skills as a part of this. But for everyday tasks around the home, such as self-care tasks like cleaning your room, scraping your plate, or making your bed, and things for family maintainance such as drying the dishes, sorting the silverware, folding the towels, or vaccuming the living room—those tasks are just ones we share as part of having a home provided to us and being part of a family.

Are you raising a lapdog? They are not required to do anything but eat and sleep and amuse themselves. Or, are you raising a person? A FUNCTIONING, LIVING HUMAN? You won’t be here forever; teach your children well for the long-term, starting now. Don’t do it for your kid’s college roomate or his future spouse. Do it for him (and for society!) We see where lack of personal responsibility and work ethic lead!

As a long-time teacher, I see the effects of the child-as-lapdog upbringing all the time. It isn’t pretty: kids who “lose” their homework, kids who “forget” they have a project due, or leave a book at school that they need, high school kids that “oversleep” and come to school late. “Mama didn’t wake me up,” they whine. Like that is mama’s job!

True story: a fifth grade teacher colleague of mine put a kid’s name on the board for having a messy desk (couldn’t find anything, papers overflowing, etc). Mama came in and told the teacher junior was upset for having his name on the board, and wanted to know the criteria for determining if a desk was messy and what time of day the judgement was made! Now, this was a 10 year old! And she came, faithfully, after that each day and SHE cleaned and straightened his desk. I kid you not!

If you go to the education blog on the AJC, you will see that one of the biggest problems teachers have is parents who won’t parent.

I had a mama that several years after her son was in my class said he never would have learned to read if I hadn’t told her he needed to start making his bed. No one is saying a five year old needs to have a newspaper route to support the family. Treat your kids as sentient beings, however!

By CreditMom

January 12, 2009 2:43 PM | Link to this

My kids hate chores just like the next. I actually pay allowance for chores and they still don’t do chores even when I withhold pay. However, there is one thing that does work for me (sometimes)…

Be very specific: please take the laundry out of the basket and put it in your drawers and then come back and tell me when you are done. I do it in bite size pieces (yes even with the 14 year old).

I also bribe them..if you put your laundry away, vacuum and clean your desks you can make cookies tonight.

And last but not least, some self realization…just last night my twins said, we decided to keep our room clean because every time we go to Peter’s house it is disgusting. We don’t want our house to look like that.

Well I’ll be darned….was it a full moon last night???

http:\creditmomblog.com

By CreditMom

January 12, 2009 2:45 PM | Link to this

My kids hate chores just like the next. I actually pay allowance for chores and they still don’t do chores even when I withhold pay. However, there is one thing that does work for me (sometimes)…

Be very specific: please take the laundry out of the basket and put it in your drawers and then come back and tell me when you are done. I do it in bite size pieces (yes even with the 14 year old).

I also bribe them..if you put your laundry away, vacuum and clean your desks you can make cookies tonight.

And last but not least, some self realization…just last night my twins said, we decided to keep our room clean because every time we go to Peter’s house it is disgusting. We don’t want our house to look like that.

Well I’ll be darned….was it a full moon last night???

http:\creditmomblog.com

By Sandra

January 12, 2009 2:47 PM | Link to this

catlady and MJG,

Thanks for injecting some common sense into this blog. I too am a teacher. I can pick out the kids who have home chores and those who do not. It does not bode well for the future! My kids were taught how to do chores at an early age. They were both doing laundry by age 10 (and yes, they sorted!). I had to clean the oldest one’s room ONCE! She went to day camp and came home to find a bed with a blanket and pillow and a few books left on the shelf. What didn’t go into the 8 trash bags went into boxes in the attic. After a month, she could earn the toys back. This only happened ONCE. After that all I had to say was, “Do I need to clean your room?” Worked like a charm! LOL! My 3 year old granddaughter is quite capable of picking up her toys. And Kathy, 3 year olds don’t lie?? LOL! All children are born knowing how to lie. It is the parents who teach them otherwise.

By CreditMom

January 12, 2009 2:49 PM | Link to this

oh and one other thing (sorry about the repeat post)…I do have a cleaning service BUT my children must clean up their rooms every single day and clean up after themselves in the bathroom.

In addtion, if they don’t straighten their rooms before the service comes…guess what? No service. I shut the door and they have to do it on their own.

By JJ

January 12, 2009 2:55 PM | Link to this

Physical labor can be a deterrent also. It can be dished out as punishment. Nothing like physical labor to get a kid to learn.

When my daughter was about 13, she snuck out of the house with a friend.

Her punishment? She had to rake the ENTIRE back yard of leaves, bag it up and haul it to the curb. It took her the better part of a Saturday, but she got it done. Yes, we have a leaf blower, but she was NOT allowed to use it this particular day. Manual labor.

Know what? She NEVER snuck out of the house again!!!

By Patiently Waiting

January 12, 2009 3:04 PM | Link to this

My child is too young to clean so I don’t have any advice in that regard. However, for those who are against ‘paying’ a child to clean, think about this. Money is a motivator. It gets adults to goto work every day. Otherwise, we would all just volunteer.

By MomsRule

January 12, 2009 3:09 PM | Link to this

I’ve read a few posts that indicate bathing and washing your own hair are considered chores.

Seriously? I’ve never considered these as chores.

By Kate

January 12, 2009 3:19 PM | Link to this

I have a 10 and 4 year old. My 10 year old has a chore chart and the chores have to be done..he is rewarded by getting an allowance. We make him do things over and above during the week but hey we are providing a house, food, clothing, etc for him. He knows what is expected and he (for the most part) does what is asked. When he doesn’t perform the tasks well he gets no allowance and still has to do what was expected. My 4 year old is learning and wants to help do things voluntarily..in time we will have her a chore chart and give her an allowance but for now we are just going to enjoy her desire to help!!

By catlady

January 12, 2009 3:27 PM | Link to this

Momsrule: I wondered about that too. Is wiping your bottom a chore? Is swallowing your food? How about chewing and breathing? Good grief!

I maintain kids can learn money management chores without paying them for grades (another subject) or common, everyday housekeeping responsibilities.

I also strongly advocate kids doing volunteer work by the time they are six (picking up sticks in an elderly neighbor’s yard, for example). UNPAID, volunteer work.

By motherjanegoose

January 12, 2009 3:41 PM | Link to this

catlady, volunteer work is another GREAT topic. My son graduated with the volunteer cord and letter of recognition from the president.

My daughter is on her way there too. IT IS OUR COMMUNITY and if we whine and think everyone else should do it or: those with money those who are retired those with no children those who have lots of time

this does NOT show responsibility and as I have said many times before:

YOUR CHILDREN ARE WATCHING YOU

We have both volunteered our entire lives in little and big projects…this is something we just do!

By MomsRule

January 12, 2009 3:59 PM | Link to this

My boys have been required to help around the house forever, they are now 9 and 12. We’ve never used a chore chart but I can see how one could be helpful.

Our motto is that everyone who lives in our home must contribute to its operation.

We do pay allowance as it helps us teach them financial responsibility. 1/2 of all money earned (even gift money) must be deposited into their respective savings accounts.

They both have a healthy respect for the value of a dollar and often change their mind(s) about wanting something once they see the price. “That toy is not worth $15!”

I’ve even seen them pool their money to get things that brings joint benefit. (their idea)

Our rule re allowance is that if they complain or cop attitude when asked to do something funds will be deducted.

The requested task will be done regardless and it will be done correctly simply because we said so. That is not negotiable.

But, their attitude regarding doing said task is entirely up to them. We don’t beg, plead or scream.

We have not had to take money away yet due to their attitude.

I’ve been especially proud lately because they have both approached me separately on numerous occassions asking if I needed help with anything. (Mom has been exceptionally busy and they both know it.)

So, I guess our methods are working for us at this point.

By Patience

January 12, 2009 4:27 PM | Link to this

Perhaps I’m the child of a very draconian parent (which I don’t doubt) but there was no WAY I was getting away without doing chores. I had to wash my bathroom once a week - up to and including using a butter knife to get rid of any type of crud that gathered on the bathtub grout; always had to have my closet s** and span (none of that shove it in the clsoet stuff) and was forbidden from keeping anything under my bed or even atop my dresser. I also was not not NOT allowed to eat outside of the kitchen!

I’m in my late 20s so this wasn’t very long ago lol

By Theresa

January 12, 2009 4:43 PM | Link to this

Hey Guys — Technically the chart says “Home Responsibilities for 5 and 6 year olds.” So it’s stuff they are capable of doing but many parents don’t ask them to do. The list was paired with another list — 5 Characteristics of a Successful First Grader — The second list makes a big point about kids being able to follow multiple directions and do things for themselves. I think the teacher gives the chart to prepare parents — that they need to ask the kids to do more for themselves so they’ll be ready to be pretty independent in the first grade.

By J-Lin

January 12, 2009 4:57 PM | Link to this

My nephew is two and wants to be helpful so I have him dust the bottom parts of my tables and scrub my feet with my Ped Egg. He’s the best.

By new mom

January 12, 2009 5:01 PM | Link to this

After reading some of the back and forth on this column today, I think it’s important for us all to remember that there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to how families operate. There are probably just as many methods and tools out there as there are families!

Whether or not we pay for chores, use charts or graphs or whatever…I think most would agree that we all want our children to grow up to be responsible, caring, self-sufficient citizens who give back to society rather than take from it.

I think the benefit of this blog is that we can share what works for us, what didn’t work for us, and maybe learn something new along the way. :)

By Baby Smirnoff

January 12, 2009 5:10 PM | Link to this

We made martini’s for my parents all the time. My Mother said she liked the way I made them because they were made with “love”. Today she’d probably be arrested.

By catlady

January 12, 2009 5:36 PM | Link to this

Patiently waiting: beating a child is also a motivator. Do you recommend that? Here is the deal to me: we all have things we have to do to make our family run smoothly. Daddy doesn’t give mom $20 for cooking the dinners—it is just expected that it will get done, and usually it is mama that does it. Same with chores. All members of the family have an obligation. Chores around the house are not anyone’s “work”, but part of the oil that keeps the place running. IMHO, children’s “work” is going to school. They don’t get paid for that, but they do get the value of it which they will use for a lifetime. As immature people, they do not see the value yet, but we as their parents are able to see it and count it to their benefit.

To me, an allowance is a separate issue. It is used to teach certain skills, and should be very modest, IMHO. The child spends as they like, with a few restrictions, such as no candy or you must give part to the church or other worthwhile organization.

I guess I am pretty “far out” to a lot of you, judging from how you are raising your kids. It seems crazy to me to have fights about chores and all this complex financial finageling about doing or not doing. Everyone does them. Period. If your older child is resistant, you kick them out of paradise, ie, restrict their lives to help them have time to make better decisions about acknowledging your parental authority. This means they may live a spartan life for a while. If you are not in charge of your children, who is?!??

I have had parents say, “She won’t let me….” talking about a five year old! “She won’t let me put a barrette in her hair”, “she won’t ride the bus home”, “he won’t eat anything but sweet tea and soda crackers”, “she won’t wear anything but flip flops to school, no matter how cold it is.” EXCUSE ME?

To say it in a pretty rough way, some of you need to grow a pair.

By fk

January 12, 2009 6:11 PM | Link to this

My son always had to pick up his toys before dinner. That was something we started as soon as he was able to take them out on his own. He has “dusted and vaccuumed”, terms used lightly here, his bedroom and the bonus room, since about 2nd grade. In kindergarten, he unloaded the top rack of the dishwasher, no dishes, glass or flatware. He also set the table before dinner. Later on, he did not set the table, but cleared it afterwards. Other easy tasks: emptying the trash pails and taking the trash to the curb on pick-up day. Before he started doing that, his job was hauling the empty trash bin back up the driveway. He started mowing the back lawn (level yard) at around 12. He also does his own laundry… this after Mom kept finding folded shirts in the hamper. He also cleans his own bathroom…he’s the only one who uses it. He’s ready for college and someday will have a happy wife.

By motherjanegoose

January 13, 2009 7:07 AM | Link to this

fk…though many disagree with the fact that you mention, “he is ready for college and someday will have a happy wife..” I applaud it!

Our sons future wives will not be keen on ‘taking care’ of their husbands ( re: June Cleaver days) as most of them will work full time.

There may not be $$$ for maid service/eating out every night and this is a recipe for disaster, if no one knows how to clean up after themselves or cook.

It is not magic…it takes a devoted parent to stay on top of kids to get things done…throwing in the towel and doing it yourself or hiring it all out speaks volumes about parenting.

My neighbor commented to me that she feels so lucky to have kids who were basically good and not a barrel of trouble…I reminded her that SHE had a hand in what her children are and she should be very proud!

Learning how to take care of yourself is an important skill as children head out into the world. Children who have had things done for them are not prepared, whether they are heading to first grade or college.

Isn’t our goal as parents, to rear children who will become responsible contributing adults? The first responsibility is to one’s self.

Sandra…it is good to have you…teachers see it all and sometimes I am in the minority here…LOL!

Theresa, I would love a copy of the chart and list you mentioned earlier…you know my e-mail…

By Joyce

January 13, 2009 5:31 PM | Link to this

I had to laugh about the tv character having his daughter make him a cocktail. I poured beers for my dad a few times as a girl. As a result, I was able to teach my college roommate how to tip the glass when pouring a beer. A true life skill, I know.

Ditto on MJG’s request for the list of appropriate chores; this topic’s been on my mind lately too. Right now by 6 yo son makes his bed and feeds his fish each morning. He puts away folded laundry and sets the table, as well as clearing the table after dinner. I’d like to add in vacuuming, but he’s seriously bothered by the noise. I guess the next project should be to desensitize him to that…

By DB

January 14, 2009 8:36 AM | Link to this

Teaching kids how to take care of themselves and the world around them is a lifelong process and it is HARD WORK.

I found that the “put it away or lose it” system worked very well. First, you have to make sure that everything DOES have a place — whether it be in a toy closet, a chest, on a shelf, or in storage boxes — whatever.

Once it has a place, if it doesn’t get put BACK in that place — off it goes to Mom’s Dungeon, and you have to pay to et it back. Each kid had a place where they could be “creatively messy” - my son’s was his desk, my daughter’s is her vanity. But as they were growing up, the rule was “toys put away before dinner” (because after dinner was homework, bath and bedtime (I was big fan of earlier bedtimes.) Any toys still lying around after dinner went into my closet, or “dungeon”. Fines were $.25 to get it back, and if it didn’t get bought back in a month, it went off to Goodwill (I think these days, I’d charge $.50 or $1.00) It kept the clutter down, too. Kids have too much stuff. Usually, kids get so overwhelmed by all their STUFF that they just don’t know where to start.

It doesn’t take more than 10 minutes to put toys away — but you have to be consistent and they have to know you mean it.