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Sunday, January 11, 2009
Making children more useful
There’s a world of household chores children can and should be doing, but for some reason mine are not! Are yours?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In episode 4 of this season’s “Mad Men,” super sexy 1960s ad exec Don Draper relaxed on his couch while instructing his grade-school daughter on how to mix him the perfect cocktail.
My husband and I watched the scene with our mouths agape considering the possibilities. While we’re not looking to create the world’s smallest bartenders, my husband and I would like to see our kids become a bit more useful around the house.
It’s absolutely our own fault for not expecting and demanding more help from them. I think the main problem — for many families, not just ours— is that it’s often easier and faster to do the task yourself than to teach them to do it right.
Walsh’s teacher sent home a checklist of 28 age-appropriate chores that 5- and 6-year old kids can and should be doing around the house. This sheet has much higher expectations than I do.
Here are some of the things on the list that my 5-and 7-year olds are doing: Bathing themselves, washing their own hair, dialing the phone (Walsh has tried to place several phone orders after seeing commercials. Thankfully, he doesn’t know our credit card numbers.), putting away toys and cleaning rooms (only when asked and supervised with a lot of yelling), pouring own drinks (often spilling), and paying for small items (although, Walsh often pockets the change).
Here are some of things on the list they aren’t doing: Making beds (currently not well or with regularity), dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing the sink, toilet and bath tub, hanging and folding clothes (my 7-year-old has just started), preparing their own snacks for school, being responsible for their own minor injuries, and polishing silver (who polishes silver?).
My husband and his brother tell stories about their mythic housecleaning responsibilities at very young ages. By 5, they were supposedly vacuuming the house, cleaning toilets, scrubbing bathtubs, washing clothes and putting them away, helping iron their Dad’s uniform and shining his boots. I can’t check the veracity of these claims because my mother-in-law is dead, but both men are still excellent cleaners. However, I have heard that she used to “encourage” them by hitting them with whatever they were using improperly, from dustpans, to brooms to vacuum cleaners.
God did give us one good worker - the baby. I’m not sure if she just hears us yelling at the others all the time to clean up or it’s just innate, but this 22-month old baby will pick up a whole room quickly and well.
“Lilina pick up your trains and put them in the box.”
“Okay” she replies and does it immediately.
“Lilina, pick up the magnets and put them on the refrigerator.”
“Okay.” Done.
Meanwhile, the other two are still trying to figure out excuses or ways out of the chore. “But Mom, I’m hungry (or sick, or tired, or need to go to the bathroom).”
Cleaning up the basement is an exercise in patience that even Mother Teresa would have failed. Sometimes, I’ll come down after 20 minutes of “work” and they have been playing with toys like it was Christmas morning. Often they rediscover some beloved action figure or doll that has been buried under the mess for days. “There that is. I love that.” Cleaning is forgotten.
I have to give my son credit. He will work for the proper bribe. Promise something good, and he will get the job done. But thus far, much like her mother, Rose is a lost cause. No amount of threats, bribes, pleas or even a screaming father will get her to move quickly on chores. It generally ends with my husband doing her portion of the work and dismissing her while shaking his head. He says if he could ask his late mother one question, it would be, “How do I get this one to clean?”
We are trying to make our kids more responsible around the house - such as requiring them clear the table, scrape their dishes, feed the dog, and put away their clothes. One night my husband decided it was time they learned how to empty all the bathroom trash cans into one big bag and take it downstairs.
Walsh had been in time-out on the steps when Rose came down and said “Dad says you can get out early but you have to help me with some chores.”
Walsh declared he’d rather sit there. Dad yelled down for him to get up and help.
The first step was to find the garbage bags. Accomplishing this took several trips up and down the stairs for more information as to where the bags were located (under the sink, as they have been forever).
Rose yelled up the stairs: “I need specifics!”
Once the garbage bags were acquired, Walsh tried to pinch his nose while dumping the garbage from the small cans into the big bag. I heard both children squeal as they dropped nasty bathroom garbage on my carpet upstairs.
I watched from my desk as my 5-year-old dragged the bursting bag down our carpeted stairs, through the hallway and into the kitchen.
I thought he would just leave it by the door for Dad to take outside, but he got really gung ho and tried to take it all the way out to the big bin in the driveway. When I heard the garage door go up, I jumped up from my desk and chased after him. He had already dragged that thin plastic bag down concrete steps. Thankfully it hadn’t been punctured and we didn’t have a garbage juice to clean up.
I think our eyes have been opened to the possibilities and importance of our children doing more family chores. We’re going to stick with it - at least until Walsh explodes a garbage bag on my carpet.
How much do your kids help around the house? At what age is what chore appropriate? What do you think of the list of chores for 5- and 6-year olds? How do you teach a good work ethic?
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