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DEL.ICIO.USHow many presents per child?
How many gifts should kids get during the holidays? How does divorce affect your present number?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I received a note from a divorced mother of two (6 and 2) who was perturbed at another divorced mother for suggesting that she was giving her children too few presents for Christmas. Here’s some of her note:
“I’m in the process of getting to know another divorce mom (name S) and our conversation turned towards Christmas shopping and gifts for our sons. She has one son, age 6 who attends my 6 y.o.’s school. … When she asked about my shopping, I announced very proudly that I had my shopping budget down to $125 as I was only giving gifts to children this year; that I did not have a lot of money out of my budget. BTW I already announced to my 6 y.o. that I would only be able to give one gift this year because we are on a tight budget.”
“S was a bit shocked that my shopping budget was low and asked how many gifts was I going to give to my boys. I responded one gift to each of them and one to two nephews and one niece. She went on a monologue about her shopping for her son. He will get about six gifts from her, about six gifts from Santa, and then her parents had already purchased a Wii game and the Nintendo DS for him. She said she started shopping back in August and that she always makes a big deal about Christmas.”
“So I responded that my boys have always received plenty of gifts from me and family members and that I’ve never wanted to overwhelm them at Christmas. … ”
“I would like to know from a neutral standpoint how many gifts are too many gifts to give to one child? In my humble opinion I really think 4 or 5 gifts from mom and Santa should be sufficient considering your child is going to receive gifts from grandparents on both sides, aunts/uncles, and other relatives and friends. I do not in the least bit feel inadequate about my low budget, however I think it may come off that way because I’m refuting/discussing the number of gifts from a budgetary perspective. Nor do I feel jealous or envy that her child is blessed. I have a doctorate in education and can attest to different ways to raise and praise your child. And, I have not gone into the discussion about the meaning of Christmas or the tirades of consumerism because I don’t know S’s religion. .. Another mom friend of mine told me she gave her two kids 3 gifts each because the 3 wise men gave baby Jesus a gift.”
OK guys, what do you think? How many presents are appropriate to give a child? How does divorce affect your total — guilt giving, competing with the other side, or knowing the other side will give a lot so you don’t have to? How do the totals expected from grandparents and other relatives affect your total and Santa’s total?
Permalink | Comments (156) | Post your comment | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Comments
By Jeff
December 4, 2008 7:49 AM | Link to this
It really depends on how the finances worked out that year.
I can remember Christmases where my dad had worked a ton of overtime that year and there was something like 15 different packages under the tree for each child.
I can also remember other Christmases where there wasn’t much overtime that year and several other things had happened and there might have only been one or two things.
It also depended on the overall price of the packages. For example, one brother might only have 2 packages compared to the other brother’s 10, but the overall money spent was within $10 of being exactly the same.
Unsure of how T and I will work it out once kids come into the picture.
By motherjanegoose
December 4, 2008 8:03 AM | Link to this
This is sticky and we have always tried to give an even dollar amount…i.e. if you want an IPOD, then you may only get 3 presents total.
It is harder as they get older since the gifts are more $$$. Mine have always understood that we do have to have a budget in good times and bad.
The children out there who are indulged all the time are the ones who get greedy. Your friend sounds like a very reasonable person. someone I would like to know.
I HAVE A BEE IN MY BONNET ABOUT THIS… we have a angel tree at our church that has tiny paper angels on it with gift suggestions for those within our church community who are struggling and need assistance. Our members are encouraged to select an angel, purchase the gift and then you tape the paper tag angel on the gift that has been wrapped. The church then delivers these gifts to the families who remain anonymous.
I selected a 7 year old girl who wanted earrings, I purchased sterling pair of dangly snowman that I hope she will like.
While perusing the tree, I saw AN OUTFIT FOR AN AMERICAN GIRL DOLL. Excuse me…if you are in need of gifts PLEASE be reasonable. My daughter never had this kind of doll, too much money for me. If anyone else wants to buy one…that is fine but please do not ask kind souls to purchase outfit for a doll that many of us would never buy!
I called a church friend who had selected an angel with a description of a pair of jeans for a teen. She got home and looked up the brand on the internet ( she was not familiar with it) THEY COST $100.
I am really upset now as the parents of these children are STILL not clueing them in that we need to be reasonable and gracious when we are depending on others to help us out or maybe they are not even telling them…just acting like all is well.
TODAY’S PARENTS ARE THE BIGGEST REASON WE HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THEIR KIDS!
Kudos to your friend who seems to have a clue! Perhaps newmom and I would like to meet her at Dominick’s ( previous post) and I do have a coupon!
I love the 3 gifts idea!
By anne
December 4, 2008 8:18 AM | Link to this
My daughter learned early on that Santa only brings one gift at Christmas because he has so many other children on his list. I know that this came as a surprise to one of the mall Santas one year. He asked her what she wanted and she told him that she wanted roller skates. He asked what else was on her list and she told him that was it since he had so many other toys to deliver. She already had a helmet and elbow pads and knee pads. Santa smiled. BTW - my budget has always been a maximum of $125 for my daughter.
By Becky
December 4, 2008 8:20 AM | Link to this
I like the three gifts for three wise men idea. I think children should be somewhat indulged for this special season. BTW, Motherjanegoose, I think you were wrong to give snowman earrings. You should have given some that could be worn year round.
By Kathy
December 4, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this
I agree with MJG….the dollar amount should be even. My brother-in-law and his wife have 4 kids. They spend an even amount on each child. It works out so that 1 child might get 2 gifts, another might get 3. It all depends on how much the things they ask for cost.
MJG…I am happy and available to join you at Dominicks any Tues or Thurs! : )
By Mr. Nice Guy
December 4, 2008 8:26 AM | Link to this
Give your children everything they NEED - Give your children only some of what they WANT.
The trend I notice with divorced parents is the father will show how much he loves his kids by going over the top on buying gifts; psychologically compensating his mistakes via materialism.
By Sandy_G
December 4, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this
We give Christmas gifts based on an even dollar amount that has not changed in five years. We give $100 of gifts for each of my husband’s children. That means, when they were younger, they got lots of toys and now that they are older, they get fewer gifts (2 or 3 each) from us.
My husband’s children also receive gifts from their mother, four sets of grandparents (mom has remarried as well) and various Aunts and Uncles, so Christmas presents have never been in short supply for them. The kids know that we spend exactly the same amount on each child and there’s never been an issue with it.
The only issue we have ever had is explaining to them why although they have friends who have cell phones, Ipods, Wii’s, dirt bikes, etc., we cannot afford such largess. Personally, I believe giving a child everything they want creates adults who cannot deny themselves anything and then spend themselves into massive amounts of debt to satisfy their “wants”.
We live in a society where people are drowning in debt because they just “had to have” that new boat, the trip to Hawaii, the Coach bag, etc. Teach them now that things do not equal happiness.
By motherjanegoose
December 4, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this
Becky…perhaps you are right but gracious folks realize that a gift is a gift and you smile when you receive it and do not criticize. I could have given some that would turn the child’s ears green in a month but these sterling earrings will be good for a long time. I hope she likes them. I am not sure earrings for a 7 year old are a vital item and thus I was trying to share in the spirit of fun…
By LM
December 4, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this
I had always felt Christmas was special and wanted to make it wonderful with lots of brightly colored packages under the tree.
A dear girlfriend who had a son 3 years older than my daughter thought 3 gifts were enough, not for financial reasons, but the child only had two hands and could not play with a bunch of gifts. Another close friend would not let a toy with more than 12 parts in the house.
I justified my ideas as a lot of the gifts were clusters of the same things, barbie and her accessories, polly pockets and accessories.
We always ended up with a bunch of naked 10 1/2 inch bodies laying around the house. Or lots of little parts to get lost. Looking back they had a point and wished I had followed her common sense approach.
Now the only gift I give in abundance are books. I have always felt books were wonderful friends and have never told her no when she wanted a book. Looking back I should have made sure the majority of her gifts were books.
By Jesse's Girl
December 4, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this
I was raised on the 3 gift per child rule as well. Our children have never known anything different. We “adopt” a family for the holidays and shop for the whole family and take Christmas dinner fixins as well. That is the most awesome part of our Christmas….
A lot of parents subscribe to the “Hallmark Holidays”. Where they feel pressured to give a lot and spend way too much. 3 gifts is just right. Our kids pick 10 gifts, so whatever we give is a surprise. Our respective families are not always on board with our rule…and that is their choice. But I hope that our kids grow up knowing that helping yourself is not whats its about. If 3 gifts was good enough for Christ….its good enough for us.
By micha
December 4, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
MG - a 7 year old girl does not know how to be gracious. She’ll want to wear those earrings all year long and mom will have a hard time convincing her to put them away till next year. Only a week after Christmas to enjoy her gift is sad. You should get another pair to go with them even if they are cheap.
By lakerat
December 4, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this
Oh, c’mon -
Some of you are criticizing MJGoose for being generous? Here she is trying to bring some excitement into the life of child and you think her choice of a gift was incorrect?!?! I applaud her for trying to do the right thing - goodness knows I have given her a hard time for being a “helicopter” parent, but at least her heart and head seem to be in the right place.
By Jesse's Girl
December 4, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this
I agree with MJG….its hard for most peope to do extra these days. The gifts we are able to give to our “adopted” family are not luxurious…..in fact, most are the kinds they can take out each holiday season and use again. We do it in hopes that they will always remember to can pay it forward when they are able. I don’t think the nature of the earrings matters in the least. What matters is that these kids/families know there was someone out there thinking of them.
By Hayden
December 4, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this
I think she should give as many gifts as she chooses - should it be 1 or 100. I am a single parent also, but I start shopping in January so by the time the holiday arrives, there is no additional money coming out of my budget. My daughter gets about 4 presents from Santa and my brothers and sisters, neices and nephews give also. She always has much more than she really needs. Her birthday is also in December so I get 1 gift for her birthday and make is a separate occasion from Christmas - no combining here.
By B
December 4, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this
At our house it is a dollar amount per kid so sometimes it is 3 presents and sometimes 5, and one of those is a present from Santa. We only ever did one from Santa because we didn’t want them to expect tons of stuff as they got older. Santa’s present was always the one that they thought long and hard over; even today, that one special gift is the thing that they really, really want (within reason). Of course the budget has increased a bit as they have gotten older and things are more expensive, but we continue to set a budget and stick to it. We also do not give each other gifts, rather we usually do something together like dinner and a movie during the holidays. For family we send a little token, usually a movie gift card to our nieces and nephews and only my sister and I exchange gifts; we are very close and really want to do that. We do try to remember that this is a religious holiday and not go overboard with everything.
By Becky
December 4, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this
We don’t give based on how many presents you have, but on what you want..They know that we spend about the same amount on each one..As someone else said though, there are so many aunts & uncles & cousins in our family that they get plenty of packages…
Leave MJGoose alone, at least she’s doing to help the needy..The child can get a good 2 months wear out of them in Jan & Feb..My only thing is (this is just me) I wouldn’t of bought dangling earrings for a 7 year old..
Micha, some 7 year olds can be grateful, it all depends on how they were raised..My 2 (6yo) are always very grateful for everything that they get & they make sure that the giver knows that..They send out thank you cards for all gifts they get during Christmas & birthdays..
By expecting
December 4, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this
Since there’s a lot of parents out there, I’m hoping maybe someone can offer advice on receiving suspect toys from relatives or friends. I’ve been reading articles lately about all the lead paint and dangerous flame retardant chemicals in toys, not all of which are immediately pulled off the market. I suppose ‘suspect’ could also apply to things you might not approve of like Bratz dolls or inappropriate-for-the-age clothing as well. Has anyone ever experienced this, and how did you handle it?
By Theresa
December 4, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this
Mother JGoose — On a similar note (a little off topic) Target has the CUTEST holiday pajamas that I wanted to get for my niece and nephew. Those Nick and Nora pjs - flannel - the girls’ has little kittens playing with ribbons and ornaments — the boy’s has dogs with antlers - I know they will love them but I am torn between giving them early (so they can wear them leading up to Christmas) but then they will have nothing from us on Christmas morning. I decided to buy them big so they can wear them some this year and hopefully get another whole Christmas season out of them next year.
By lakerat
December 4, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this
I’m still better than all of you.
By Becky
December 4, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
Theresa, I know the pajama’s that you are talking about..I buy after Christmas, so that they can wear them during Christmas..Of course, I buy all year long, so I always have certain gifts that I give before Christmas…Anything that is decorative or to be worn, I give early..
By Becky
December 4, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
lakerat troll, NO, you aren’t better than us..You can’t even think of your own blog name, you have to copy someone elses…
You may dress better than me, you may even have a better car than mine & on & on, but you are not better than me or anyone else on here..
To all the regulars, I won’t entice “him” again…
By Stacey
December 4, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this
I only have one child so I don’t have to worry about trying to do the same quantity or dollar amount but I do have a budget and buy accordingly. He is not getting the big gift that he wants for Christmas because it will take up the whole budget so that he would get that and nothing else. Even though he is 7, he has no concept he only got one present because it was expensive…he will just see that he only got one present. Instead, I will get him several smaller gifts that he really wants. He actually plays with his toys so I don’t have a problem with buying him more. Once he loses interest in something we either donate it to Goodwill or he gives it away to a friend or younger cousin.
I had actually wanted this to be a really special Christmas because I suspect this will be his last year believing in Santa. Santa was going to bring the big gift with a few accessories and Mommy & Daddy were going to get stuff like action figures, cars, pajamas, etc. Instead, Mommy & Daddy’s gifts will be split with Santa and he will (hopefully) get his big gift for his birthday. We have already explained to all of the kids that they will only get gifts from Santa and parents this year instead of also getting them from grandparents, aunts and uncles like in years past.
By lakerat
December 4, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
I’m too sexy for Becky…
By Patiently Waiting
December 4, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
I plan on going the 3 gifts for Jesus route whenever this child decides to make his appearance into the world. Any suggestions on getting him here sooner than later?
By lynn
December 4, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this
Wow, I’m probably gonna get slammed on here but my kids get anywhere from 15-20 gifts every year. No grandparents or uncles and aunts to spoil them so what we give is what they get. It’s the one and only time of the year that I actually spoil them. I work hard to make it happen and I enjoy every bit of it. Let the tomahawks fly :)
By Stacey
December 4, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
MJG…I worked for a company years ago that had adopted a family each Christmas and the employees either donated gifts or money. We always got a wish list from each family member (including parents). If they asked for practical things or just “a doll”, the donations would be overflowing with really nice gifts. On the otherhand, when the list specified designer clothes and expensive electronics, there wouldn’t be any donations at all. IMO, it had less to do with the amount spent as the perception of need vs greed. I believe we spent more on the kids who asked for practical things because we viewed them as deserving.
By new mom
December 4, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this
I’m not going to retype all I’ve shared recently…but we are resisting the urge to go crazy at Christmas. To me, the more gifts you receive, the less special each one becomes. We are going somewhat practical (with our 14 mth old) with some books, wooden puzzles, some little musical instruments, and santa is bringing a table and chairs she will grow into.
I like the 3 gifts for Jesus idea too.
And patiently waiting, I don’t have any advice for getting that baby here soon. Our precious little one apparently liked it in there so much, I wondered if she’d ever come out. 3 days late, had to induce because my water broke w/ only mild contractions, and 26 hrs later (I’d say 20 of those hours were BAD) she finally arrived. And I know it could have been worse! Not to worry you…but I learned that you really have very little control over all of that. After all the classes, the best lesson I learned was to be flexible, don’t have your heart set on how you think it should go, and ENJOY these days while you can!! :) things will change, for the better of course, but just savor going out without worrying about a baby or sitter. Good luck! Please keep us posted, it’s fun to hear about another sweet arrival!
By Becky
December 4, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this
Lynn, if that’s what you want to do & you can afford it & feel comfortable doing it, then that is your right..Just because you give a lot of gifts to your child, that doesn’t always mean that they learn to be selfish…
By new mom
December 4, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this
Lynn, I agree with Becky—it’s up to you. Every family is different, has their own traditions, and we really shouldn’t try to compare ourselves to other families. You do what you think is best! :)
By TB2
December 4, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
I am a divorced mother of two boys (7 & 4), and I ask them to make a list of all the things that they would like to get for Christmas, and from that list I will determine how many they will get. Grantparents, Aunts, and Uncles will give gifts as well. I usually give them 5 gifts a piece. My decision is based on fiances because I am a single mother and I am not about to go broke so that my boys can be excited for a whole ten minutes or until they get bored with gift and it will be thrown in a corner somewhere.
If a family has the finances to give their kids their hearts desire, more power to you but what are you really teaching them???? I just feel that we have gotten away from what Christmas really means. We all need to go back to the basics. In my home Christmas is everyday because we are blessed in some many ways. Christmas has become to commericalized and a money make event. If we as parents start from the beginning that Christmas is not about the number of presents you get, it would not affect a child if they received 1 or 20 gifts. Kids are simple and they value spending quality time with family and friends. Being loved unconditionally is more important than spending more than what you have. The joy from those gifts may last an hour after getting them. Before the day is over something will be broken or put aside so that they can start to demand for the items that they did not get. We as parents need to wake up.
By JJ
December 4, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this
With my daugther, I splurge. We have our own Christmas on Christmas Eve, then we go to my Mom’s.
The nieces each get between 4 - 6, depending on what I can find, and what they want.
Mom gets about 7 or 8 from us, and my brother matches with the same number.
I am so thankful to have a small family. I am so thankful to have family members who are pretty easy to shop for.
I am also thankful that they understand the budget concerns for a single parent, and don’t place high demands on any of us.
I actually do not want anything for christmas except music. I listen to music all the time, and the stereo is on in my home 24/7. I love getting up in the middle of the night, and hearing Christmas music softly playing throughout the house. The tree lights stay on all night too, so it’s very nice and quiet around 2:30 a.m., when I wake up (for some odd reason, I wake up every single night at 2:30). Does anyone else do this? WHY? WHY do I always wake up at 2:30????? I don’t have to get up until 6:00, but for some reason……
By Kathy
December 4, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this
JJ…..I am having the same problem!! For the last 6 months or so I wake up between 2 and 2:30 everynight. Sometimes I can go back to sleep and sometimes I am up reading or watching strange TV for an hour.
When I posted earlier I forgot to mention my own child…..we don’t buy her a lot of stuff throughout the year so we splurge at Christmas. She is the only one so we can afford a little splurge at Christmas.
By jg
December 4, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this
I was a single mom for many years - when my kids were younger I made the mistake of going overboard with gifts from me and Santa…when things got so bad and tight I finally sat them down and explained everything to them…..they were not traumatized or let down…in fact they were quited humbled and grateful “You mean it has been YOU all these years”?
I do about 125.00 per child and of course the younger one ends up with more as her gifts cost less.
We still made it magical and the anticipation….I would wrap presents and have a “code” for each kid - birthweight/ssn/etc….and they would have so much fun trying to figure out the “code”
Yes their friends still get the cell phones/coach bags/designer clothes/etc…..but I raised them to be thankful for what they have…
We also still have a Happy Birthday Jesus cake.
This year I want to do 3 gifts - something they want, something they need, and something I want them to have.
By JJ
December 4, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
jg Yes, that is very hard on us single parents, for our kids to see their friends get all the designer stuff, coach purses, etc.
My daughter knows I cannot afford “crap” like that for her or myself. I don’t care for designer anything, unless Levi is a designer :).
My daughter has been taught that those high ticket items are a “want” as opposed to a “need” and if she really wants it, then she can work for it.
Kathy Does it have anything to do with this menopause stuff? I can go back to sleep, but I usually go get a glass of water, then crawl back into bed. Sometimes I wake up again at 4:30. I have totally given up on a complete night’s sleep. I even try to stay up as late as possible, sometimes midnight. But that doesn’t seem to help. I’m still up at 2:30…..
By Jeff
December 4, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
JJ:
I’ve been having a similar problem, though not as bad as yours. I wake up at roughly 4a every day these days.
If you figure out what is causing it, let me know!
By THeresa
December 4, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
Guys — I’ll post this in my promo box later today but the ajc has got the best cookie guide for holiday baking — check out this link in the meantime
http://www.ajc.com/holiday/content/eveningedge/stories/recipes/christmas-cookies-recipes.html?cxntlid=sldr_hm
By JJ
December 4, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
Jeff I don’t think you are menopausal quite yet. Give yourself another 30 years. ha ha
Theresa* What a great idea. My daughter and I host a Cookie Party every year for both her and my friends.
Last year, she invited some friends from school, and they kind of looked at her like she had two heads. Decorate cookies? How childish. Once they got to our house and saw what we were doing, they were so excited. Two of the girls called their boyfriends, and they came over too. I had 10 high school juniors at my dining room table that day. They absolutely loved it, and are asking when we will do it again. Our party is scheduled for the 14th this year.
I buy the Pillsbury sugar Cookie dough, spread flour out on my counter, roll the dough out, and let them do the cookie cutters. Then I put them in the oven, and when they cool, the kids love to decorate them. We have about 25 christmas cookie cutters, and I supply all dough and decorations.
This year, I am expecting at least 20 high school seniors. My brother even wants to come over. We did this with our Mom when we were kids.
By Becky
December 4, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
I’m with Jeff, about 4:00 to 4:30 for me to wake up…I have found this has only happened as I’ve gotten older..My ex used to tell me that I slept through the night without waking up because I didn’t have any worries..Which, I’ll give him that one, since I didn’t have any worries about monies when I was married to him..
As to why I’m not still married to him..He drank a lot..He still owned his own business & worked everyday, but I just couldn’t deal with the drinking..
By RJ
December 4, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this
I have always gone a little overboard for Christmas because that’s what my parents did to me. This year we’re giving fewer gifts. First of all, I don’t make as much as I did last year. They’ve been told and they’re okay with it. My husband thinks they should get a lot more, but I’m putting my foot down. We just can’t afford it. My teenager wants expensive clothes, but unless they fit in my budget, it won’t happen.
My church has an angel tree this year, and I definitely picked up a couple. I didn’t see any outrageous gifts, but don’t get mad at parents because they ask. They’re fulfilling the wishes of their kids. I remember Clark Howard stating that he bought a handheld game for more than $100 because he wanted to make some kid really happy. If a kid wants a bike or a video game and I can afford it, I’d buy it too. If it doesn’t fit your budget, pass on it. Someone else may decide to give them a very merry Christmas.
By jc smith
December 4, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this
The bedlam at Christmas, is a fright to behold, tiresome for reasons that trouble the old.
Frantic parents fighting shoppers buying gifts in a crowded mall, only to hear on Christmas morn, “Is that all?”
This yearly frustration leaves parents disheartened and broke, Christmas has now become a very misguided and expensive joke.
The anticipation on young faces, revealing both joy and greed, with images of gift cards, cell phones, and MP3’s.
The real reason for the season Children now seem to forget, blurred by Santa Claus and the gifts that they get.
The new meaning of Christmas, leaves me to wonder: has Santa stolen His thunder?
Indeed, what would Jesus do?
The answer’s been clear for 2,000 years, a tribute now fallen on children’s deaf ears.
The wisdom of 3 Wise Men with 3 gifts divine; an example of giving that will do us just fine.
Now in my home, I’m invoking this rule: If 3 gifts were enough for baby Jesus, then it’s plenty for our Yule.
This holiday season, tell your kids “3’s the limit.” It will help you regain your sanity and the true Christmas spirit.
Teach kids not to whimper or cry. It may be a hard lesson to learn, but for good reasons why.
If the King of Kings was content with just three, that’s all you need under your Christmas tree.
So make your holiday a pleasant time this year, follow the Baby Jesus Rule for Yuletide good cheer. by JC Smith, DC jcsmith@smithspinalcare.com
By Becky
December 4, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this
RJ, your right about the kids wanting it..if they don’t get a lot during the year, they do want what other kids have..
On the other hand though, when we used to ask one sister to have her kids & grandkids send us a list of things they might want for Christmas, they always sent a list for expensive stuff..The reason why? She told them that we all made good money & we could afford it..
By lynn
December 4, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this
RJ - I feel the same way that Clark does. If I can afford a $100 gift for a child, I’m going to give it. If I can’t afford but $1, then I’ll give that gift. Becky your right, what works for one family won’t necessarily work for another. It all relates back to the thought for others. Just do what you can do and that’s all that matters.
By DB
December 4, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this
I have a neighbor who has four kids. When they were small, she told them, “Jesus only got 3 presents, and so do you.” Their wish list was whittled over the fall down to three things — it was revised over and over again, but at the beginning of November, they gave their mom a list of five things — and she chose 3. Simple!
As far as “inappropriate toys” — you do what any well-brought-up person would do if they don’t care for the gift: You thank the giver sincerely for the gift and the effort that went behind picking it out and wrapping it. And then you give it to Goodwill the next month, or quietly dispose of it.
As the kids get older, the gifts get fewer and fewer, as the cost of the gifts escalate. Last year, my daughter received a laptop, and a few other small things, such as a book, socks, etc. My son received a new iPod, and some clothes. When they were smaller, you could a LOT of toys for $300 or $400 each — now, it’s down to one or two things!
By Penguinmom
December 4, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this
Waiting patiently - Not really a lot of advice, I walked a lot as the due date got closer to try to speed things along. Based on how much kids tend mess with our schedules, try scheduling a special date with your S.O. That should ensure the baby arrives just in time to interrupt your plans. :-)
Good luck . Praying for a swift and safe delivery.
By Serena
December 4, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this
Hello all…great topic by the way. I have something to say to Mother Jane Goose. Well, first of all, kudos to you for helping a needy child. However, giving a pair of dangly earrings to a seven year old is somewhat inappropriate. At that age, little girls are quite pleased by the small studs which you can get a rather large package of for a low price. Yes you can even get the hypo-allergenic kind that won’t cause greenness, ect. for a low price as well. Your comment about the American Girl Doll…first of all, you don’t know how the child got her doll. She might have gotten it as a gift from someone outside of her family…which she probably did. Also, as far as the clothes for the American Girl Doll…you can get knockoff doll clothes that fit them at most of the discount stores for a much cheaper price than the originals. I know your heart is in the right place, but please don’t be so judgemental about the children’s gift wishes. They were asked to tell something they really truly wanted for Christmas, and they did.
By shelly
December 4, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this
my name is shelly i have two children the ages are 9 and 7 yrs old, im a single mother and i need help for my christmas i dont know where to go for help i lost my job in jan of this year..can someone please help me ,even if there’s someone out there and is willing for me to work so i will be able to get christmas gifts for my children i will be more than happy to do that as well i live in boston and my email address is shellypalmers@aol.com please anyone that know something please help
By Serena
December 4, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this
This comment is directed at Lynn…no tomahawks here… and all the other parents that give lots of gifts. I have found that the younger kids just like somthing to open…it doesn’t matter so much what it is. We do stocking stuffer type gifts to wrap up and put under the tree, anything like a package of candy, socks, small games and toys,ect. even for the older kids. They usually get little gifts like these from each person in the family…Mom, Dad, siblings, even the pets are giving gifts! None of these little gifts cost too much…usually from 1.00 to 10.00 at the most. Then Santa will deliver one or two gifts that they really really want. We find that this works really well in our family…and things don’t get too expensive. It takes some of the financial pressure off…but the kids still feel like they got a lot of stuff. Merry Christmas to you all!
By jg
December 4, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this
Shelly - Hope this helps but the deadline for requesting help is tomorrow.
http://globesanta.org/
By lynn
December 4, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this
Serena, thanks for being peaceful :) One “word” worded wrongly on here can really set some people off. I too wrap a lot of small gifts. Every one of them brings a smile no matter how old my girls get (14 & 17 on Sat.) and no matter what the cost was. Christmas is the time for them to get new cloths, pajamas, etc. so it’s not as if they open a bunch of electronic junk and are overly spoiled. I always buy the things they will use and need so it works out well at our house to do it once a year and it makes for a lot of fun as well.
By JJ
December 4, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this
Shelly Go try your local Marines Toys for Tots Drive.
Call your Police Department, Shop- with-A-Cop (we do that here in parts of Atlanta).
Call your church.
Call your family.
Let us know how you are doing. Good Luck.
By JJ
December 4, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this
Shelly Another question, and I’m not being judgmental, but where are your kids’ father? Can you contact him for help?
By Robin
December 4, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this
I have been beating myself up lately because I think I give our child way too many gifts.
But, I just can’t seem to help it. I am an older Mom (40’s when she was born), and she is my only one.
Her paternal grandmother does not even know this is her grandchild. She lives in a nursing home and has severe demetia. There are no gifts from her. I always wrap up Christmas and Birthday things that I purcahse and put from “Granny” on the tag.
Also, there are no AUnts and Uncles. She does have some half-siblings, but her sisters never see her, and she never gets any cards, calls, or anything from them.
My mom is alive, and she will give her a few things, and that is good.
She has one great Aunt who adores her, but she is home bound, and I will probably buy something and wrap it up from her as well.
ALso, I don’t but expensive gifts. I shop yard sales, consignment, thrift stores, and clearance sales.
So, does my daughter get too many gifts. Probably. But, I am okay with it!
By motherjanegoose
December 4, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this
After all this flack, I know I will pass on the the angel tree from now on.
I am also signing up to volunteer at the service personnel center at Hartsfield…hope they are not too picky about the kinds of cookies I bake…maybe they will just be happy to be on American soil and eating something that is home made.
FYI for those of you that ooze southerness ( sp?) with your comments…snowmen are not just for Christmas, in fact some states have enough snow in April to build a snowman and instead of wearing an Easter frock they have to wear boots and a coat.
I know that many of you disagree with me but please think your comments through before post them! Some posters on this blog need to look at the bigger picture!
Lastly, 7 year olds that do not know how to be gracious live with parents who who are not modeling that behavior. I had a 4 year old tell me today, “Mother Goose you are wonderful…thank you for coming…” HIs parents should be proud!
Forgive me for continuing to remind readers that,”little ears are big listeners…” If they see and hear you doing something…it WILL be repeated….good or bad.
By Serena
December 4, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this
Hi Lynn…that’s exactly what we do too. There’s always underwear and socks, maybe slippers and pjs and stuff like that. I have a teen too, so it definately gets harder when they get older. We sometimes do electronics and that kind of thing…but if it’s pricy…they have to ask Santa for it, and they know that will be the one item that Santa brings. To Shelly- May you and your children have blessings from above. Please know that others will be praying for you. Good Luck to you.
By Peanuts
December 4, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this
We have always tried to give our children what they needed at Christmas and if finances allowed, one of what they wanted. The seasons really is about giving and not recieving. Giving a child too much, makes them not appreciate what they have. There should be a lesson about giving back because you are so blessed to get what you want.
By JD
December 4, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this
First, to MJG - your snowmen earrings are a wonderful and thoughtful gift. The little girl will be thrilled and proud :o)
IMO, live and let live - it all depends on the values your kids have (the ones you teach them). Big Christmas or small Christmas - I think it’s about family.
This is our first Christmas with our daughter, so we are very excited. That being said, she is still getting stuff all the time, so we will tone down the Christmas presents. Her grandparents, however, will likely go crazy.
Since she is so little (and really won’t know the difference anyways), I’m not going to get worked up for a year or two.
I want Christmas to be more about decorating the house and tree together, baking together, and spending time with our family. I do, however, like the 3 present idea. I don’t want her to grow up too spoiled :o) JJ - I love the cookie decorating party idea. I’m glad to hear that even big kids enjoy it.
Patiently… - People swear by Scalini’s/Provino’s Eggplant Parm. It didn’t work for me, but it could be worth a shot. Plus, it’s fabulous!
Happy Holidays, all!
By JJ
December 4, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this
mommaJane You just get whatever you want for that Angel. Don’t let anyone “guilt” you into anything.
Just the mere fact that you are buying an “angel” is truly a blessing to anyone, especially a child.
So what if long earrings aren’t appropriate. Who cares? My niece was wearing big hoop earrings at 7. It all depends on the child, not another blogger.
You know I am in your corner!!!!
By Gina
December 4, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this
I see lots of good give and take here! The Christmas spirit is certainly alive with the posters here.
one question, tho:
is anyone using credit cards for their christmas gifts or paying cash?
Banks still have the Christmas club, which can be done payroll deduction. Granted, it is non-interest bearing, but it is socked away for the big holiday
Just a thought and happy holidays to all!
By Grammaw
December 4, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this
It’s not how MANY gifts a child gets. We set an amount to be spent, and when that’s gone, that’s how many gifts they get. One may get more than the other, but the other may have asked for something more expensive.
By Grammaw
December 4, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this
Peanuts…you say Christmas is about GIVING out of one side of your mouth, and about how people get too much out of the other side. Which is it? If you give, someone has to receive.
By sd
December 4, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this
My mother spoiled me as a child at Christmas. Now she is doing it to my child. She bought each grandchild (4 total) 10 gifts a piece.
She probably bought my brother and I 5 or 6 and we are grown men.
I don’t really want any part of it, but have no idea what to do. I have said, “Please just buy one gift”, but it falls on deaf ears.
Its as if she doesn’t understand me. I am not saying it to be nice. I do not want a bunch of “Stuff” and I do not want my child to think that possessions are what makes a person happy.
In fact, the more possessions I have the more unhappy I have become. I feel trapped by my things honestly.
Some days I wish I could give away everything I own and just start fresh. Just have the basic necessities. I think it would be very liberating.
Anyway, I will buy my boy the scooter he asked for from Santa and some educational books and some clothes that he needs.
By Amanda Stone
December 4, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this
I spend anywhere from $300.00 to $500.00 on my child. I start early on in the year. That makes it a lot easier. So that you do not have to come up with all the money at one time. And anything that I do not buy him I ask my family to help. I love my son So much! I think there is a exception to spend a lot at Christmas to reward your child for being so wonderful and meaning so much to you!
By Reds
December 4, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this
I am a regular lurker on here, but not a poster, as I don’t have kids, human kids at any rate. ;) My kids are covered in fur. But I love the topics, and I store the information hopefully for future use. Growing up, we went through hard times, and we went through good times. Christmas has always been the season where my family is very generous, with friends, family, neighbors, strangers. We try to be at least. Now, we are not super religious. Rarely go to Church, but My mom has always gone over the top with Christmas gifts though, and we have been lucky enough to be able to afford it most years. I am 27 now, and have younger sisters who are 20 and 22. My favorite part of Christmas is not the presents or the gifts, but the traditions that come along with it. One of my favorite traditions started after my sisters stopped believing in Santa—- we now draw names for each others stockings, and keep it secret until Christmas. Part of the fun is trying to figure out how has who, and actually drawing names. With 8 people drawing (my family of 5, my boyfriend, grandmother, and godmother), it can be a challenge to make sure it works out, and hilatiry often ensues. For years, we have been asking mom to tone down on the presents, or for us to just take a trip together, but still haven’t managed to convince her to do that. I really like the 3 gift idea though. So many people (my family included) have forgotten the basic reason for Christmas. Yes, it is nice to give and to receive, but like every other event in the US, we have commercialized it to the point of where the true meaning is no longer visible underneath the wrapping paper, receipts and bags. That all being said, I don’t think it has anything to do with the amount or price of gifts, but what you mentally and emotionally get out of it.
By sd
December 4, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this
and another thing that drives me crazy is this “equitable treatment” thing.
My mother feels that since she spent some amount on one child or grandchild, that she must spend the exact amount on the others.
If you see a book you think I’d like and a watch you think my brother would like, I won’t think you love him more than me. Just get ONE thing and don’t audit your giving to make sure its equitable
By PT
December 4, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this
My husband and I have always given our children and each other only three gifts for Christmas. It is our way of tying the true meaning of Christmas in with the commercialized holiday. It also forces you to be very thoughtful with your gift giving as you are limited to three gifts.
By Lisa
December 4, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this
It’s 3 gifts per person at our house. If it was good enough for Jesus, it is most certainly good enough for us.
By JJ
December 4, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this
Gina I use cash ONLY. I have a debit card, but I like having the green stuff and the coins in my wallet. I actually do not spend my change, it all goes into a huge jar at home, and I have not touched it in over a year. Sometimes I throw some ones and fives in there too. This year, I am cashing it all out, after the holidays, and doing something FUN for ME. Selfish, you bet. I always put myself last, and my daugther first. But I have saved this for over a year, and it aint going to her.
I don’t use credit cards at all. I am cash only. No bills coming in after the first of the year!!! WOO HOO!
By Becky
December 4, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this
MJG, I think the earrings would really please the child..As JJ said, you don’t let others on this blog bring you down in spirits..The only reason that I (personally) wouldn’t buy dangly (sp) earrings for a child stems from me seeing a friend of mine get her ear ripped open wearing them..
I betcha most of the people that are saying you did wrong, have never bought for a needy child before..
Gina, I bought one gift on a C/C..I bought my husband a GPS..The only reason that I bought it on my C/C is because my purse was stolen out of my car last month with money in it…
Before everyone bashes me for leaving my purse in the car, that’s not something that I usually do..I was at the window at Bruster’s getting icce cream & could see my car..Someone pulled up & parked crossways & in about 10 seconds they had popped the lock on my car & were gone..
By Advocate
December 4, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this
MJG, I applaud you for your efforts…this is a season of giving and that is most important. It’s not what is given but the fact that you took the time to do something for someone else. I work with a domestic violence shelter and some of our “wish lists” get outrageous…Coach purses, laptops, etc. This comes from the women more than the children. I think it is a real turnoff for donors, but let’s be honest if they were not in their current situation they would probably ask for and expect the same kind of things. I have come to realize that not all people are humbled by things that happen in their life. They continue to place wants above needs. All you can do is pray for them and continue to donate your time, efforts or gifts to organizations. You (and your children) will be better people because of it. There are truly people in need out there, so spread the love this holiday season.
By new mom
December 4, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this
OK, OK, I think I’ll add what I posted a week ago, it is relevant to today’s discussion. (but I’m going to copy and paste, too lazy to retype!)
“Well, if my family reads this, they will certainly know who I am by this post :)
This has been bothering me, make that burdening me, that our daughter grow up thankful, thoughtful, and compassionate to others. And these days, it’s harder to teach that, you have to show it in your daily lives.
We love our family—but our daughter is the only grandchild on each side, and everyone loves to spoil her. They all do it out of love…Her first birthday in September gave way to a deluge of gifts, more than our modest house will hold. That overabundance of gifts, along with the fear of it happening all over again for Christmas, was too much for my husband and me to bear (especially now, knowing how many children are in need, and fewer people financially able to give)
This thanksgiving (which started yesterday for one side) we gave out letters, offering another option for this Christmas. We suggested them give her something small, like a book, and whatever else they want to buy her, donate it to either toys for tots or Clark’s Christmas kids in our daughter’s name. We also suggested that they take a picture of the gift, and write a note to our daughter explaining why they did this, and letting her know why it’s important to give to those in need, that some child will be blessed because of her. We’re going to keep these letters, put them in a book for her, and each year show her how her family gives to others. Trust me, our daughter doesn’t go without, but hopefully this will help remind her how blessed she is, and how important it is to give back. ‘But not for the grace of God, go I’. I can’t say it went over well, it’s quite a foreign concept these days. I just don’t want her to grow up associating Christmas with tearing through tons of gifts in twenty minutes, not appreciating what she has. I hope that these letters (if anyone chooses to do this) will last longer than a room full of toys she’ll loose interest in and outgrow quickly.”
By lakerat
December 4, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this
My God you people are so pathetic.
I am so much better than all of you.
By sd
December 4, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this
Newmom, hopefully your family will understand your request better than my family has.
When I say not to buy so much, they think I am trying to be polite to them and not telling them what I really do want.
BAH HUMBUG!
By Advocate
December 4, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this
New Mom…I Love It! Kudos to you. It amazes me how people love Oprah’s give away shows and think they have to have money like her to make a difference. Although you may not be able to give away new cars and refrigerators, something as simple as giving a new book or toy can make a difference in a child’s life.
By new mom
December 4, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this
sd, I feel your pain. This year, my husband and I have asked all of our family members to make a donation in our names to world vision, where you can buy a needy family an animal to provide income, or an education to a child…all kinds of wonderful gifts. The initial response I got was “I will feel bad opening a gift from you, when I didn’t get you anything”. My answer: You will have gotten me something by giving it to someone who needs it more. Far more than I need one more sweater or pair of flannel pjs.
My parents said ‘you mean your husband really wants a goat??’ They even asked him, so there went the surprise. But I think they are going to go along with it, to humor us possibly. Here’s the website: http://www.worldvision.org/ and click on gift catalog.
I won’t promise it will work, but you can’t help but try. People are pretty ingrained in their ways by the time they are adults, and I think it’s hard to unlearn a mindset they’ve had all their lives. My other advice—be patient, if only for your own sake. You can drive yourself crazy if you’re not careful! :)
By Nell
December 4, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this
My 6 year old will get a total of 4 gifts and 2 stocking stuffers that cost a whopping $1. They either came from Dollar General, WalMart or Big Lots. The fun for him is ripping the paper. By the end of the day, he’ll be back on his beloved computer.
I NEVER go broke for Christmas. It’s one day and folks end up paying for that one day the remainder of the year. Girlfriend, times are tough and besides your kids will remember spending that time with you, not the gift you bought. The memory my son has of last Christmas was us tracking Santa on the computer.(It’s quite entertaining)
If she wants to go broke for braggin’ rights, let her. Good for you for using common sense!!!
By Nell
December 4, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this
My 6 year old will get a total of 4 gifts and 2 stocking stuffers that cost a whopping $1. They either came from Dollar General, WalMart or Big Lots. The fun for him is ripping the paper. By the end of the day, he’ll be back on his beloved computer.
I NEVER go broke for Christmas. It’s one day and folks end up paying for that one day the remainder of the year. Girlfriend, times are tough and besides your kids will remember spending that time with you, not the gift you bought. The memory my son has of last Christmas was us tracking Santa on the computer.(It’s quite entertaining)
If she wants to go broke for braggin’ rights, let her. Good for you for using common sense!!!
By Nell
December 4, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this
My 6 year old will get a total of 4 gifts and 2 stocking stuffers that cost a whopping $1. They either came from Dollar General, WalMart or Big Lots. The fun for him is ripping the paper. By the end of the day, he’ll be back on his beloved computer.
I NEVER go broke for Christmas. It’s one day and folks end up paying for that one day the remainder of the year. Girlfriend, times are tough and besides your kids will remember spending that time with you, not the gift you bought. The memory my son has of last Christmas was us tracking Santa on the computer.(It’s quite entertaining)
If she wants to go broke for braggin’ rights, let her. Good for you for using common sense!!!
By Callina
December 4, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this
I’ve really enjoyed reading everyones view on the holiday. It’s a funny thing, as a child I was raised by a single mom who always tried to give us what we needed. There was this one xmas that I remember I was in high school and things were really tight. I received (1) red scarf. Funny thing is that was 20 years ago, and I wore it today. My point is that it’s not about the money, but the item. Who would have ever thought that a scarf could be so special. My mom passed when I was 21. My kids never had an opportunity to meet their grandmother, but they know how special my scarf is. I don’t know guys I think that might be more of what the holiday is really about. The love we spread. When I wear my red scarf I can still feel my moms arms wrapped around me. Happy holiday to everyone, and may you all find that special thing you are searching for.
By Janell
December 4, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this
My 6 year old will get a total of 4 gifts and 2 stocking stuffers that cost a whopping $1. They either came from Dollar General, WalMart or Big Lots. The fun for him is ripping the paper. By the end of the day, he’ll be back on his beloved computer.
I NEVER go broke for Christmas. It’s one day and folks end up paying for that one day the remainder of the year. Girlfriend, times are tough and besides your kids will remember spending that time with you, not the gift you bought. The memory my son has of last Christmas was us tracking Santa on the computer.(It’s quite entertaining)
If she wants to go broke for braggin’ rights, let her. Good for you for using common sense!!!
By R Moon
December 4, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this
we’re doing 1 gift from Santa and 3 gifts from mom & dad, + a small stocking. and that’s it. i’m trying so hard to get my girls to think more about how they can help people in need rather than about how many gazillion presents they get. don’t want to perpetuate the consumer insanity….
By Big Al
December 4, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this
I’m childless. No children = no presents
By lovelyliz
December 4, 2008 5:11 PM | Link to this
My sister and her husband divorced a couple of years ago and last year not only did he get away with claiming half the glory for the Santa gifts which my sister paid for (their daughter has been iffy about who is Santa for a couple of Christmases now) but he asked her to pick up his gift and he would pay her back. He got his girlfriend, Dad & Stepmother nice gifts, but my sister is waiting 49 weeks later for him to pay her back.
This year my sister has already put the kibosh on the gift that her ex asked her to pick up promising to pay later. As sister pointed out, he has a month and it won’t be hard to find. Since her ex’s family has decided not to involve her in anything Christmas this year, she has decided that Santa will visit at her house this year. If Daddy wants to give her Santa gifts at his place or wherever his family celebrates, he can do it himself.
My niece will still have plenty of gifts, but the number is decreasing. This only child is old enough to understand the difference between quality and quantity. I prefer to give her one or two really nice gifts that she will appreciate and use through the year than several that won’t see much usage past Valentine’s day.
By lovelyliz
December 4, 2008 5:21 PM | Link to this
It seems that many divorced parents are on either end of the gift-giving spectrum.
You have some parents who think the child support absolves them from having to buy gifts for the kids. On the other hand you have the divorced parents who are trying to overcompensate for the lack of the other parent at home and can’t buy their kids enough stuff. Either that or they are trying to out do the other parent and then wonder why they have snotty kids who think they are entitled.
Trust me, they grow up to be snotty adults who think they are still entitled and want Mom and Dad to keep compensating.
By FCM
December 4, 2008 5:28 PM | Link to this
OK, I haven’t enough time to read the comments…though I will later.
Tell the Mom with the guilt complex overcompensating for her divorce going about 6 presents form Santa, blah blah to shove it in her ear (or other body caviaties as appropriate)
Christmas is not about who gets the most presents. It is not about who gets what they want (otherwise I want to know if a single male mariage minded Marine can be under my tree!!!)
Kenny Rogers has a song “Homade Christmas in Kentucky”
*It’s just another homemade Christmas in KY. Just odds and ends I fashioned with my heart and with my hands….”
My children will get whatever and be happy with it. I will make two comments when giving gifts to younger children in the same family: make sure the packages are roughly the same size—even if you put something small in a larger box. Do make sure they the same number of boxes even if it means you wrap each Matchbox car or Barbie outfit or combining things into one box. Now if extended family is present this rule works like this: your children get equal number/sized box presents from YOU (this can be greater than what the neices/nephews get)…The neices/nephews get the same number/size boxes from you (this can be less than your children’s number).
Use your brains and do not overextend your credit cards to make the ‘perfect Christmas’ or ‘show your love’…
By Gina
December 4, 2008 5:30 PM | Link to this
I see lots of good give and take here! The Christmas spirit is certainly alive with the posters here.
one question, tho:
is anyone using credit cards for their christmas gifts or paying cash?
Banks still have the Christmas club, which can be done payroll deduction. Granted, it is non-interest bearing, but it is socked away for the big holiday
Just a thought and happy holidays to all!
By FCM
December 4, 2008 5:34 PM | Link to this
One more thing:
3 GIFTS are mentioned (gold, frankensens, myrrh) but the number of wisemen (and likely women) that arrived is not disclosed.
By myalibi
December 4, 2008 5:34 PM | Link to this
I take all of my travel reimbursements and child support payments (HA, when he pays) to put towards Xmas starting around September. That is the time I start my shopping. This year I said I would spend 300 per kid ( I have two girls, ages 5 & 9). I went over by about 100 each…much better than last year when Xmas totalled about 1500. That includes the rest of family/in-laws to buy for. Personally I hate the holidays, the materialism (yes I know I feed into it, even though hubby set the oldest down at 8 and told the Santa truth). Once the kids are a little older I plan to travel during the holidays so they have great memories instead of toys that get donated to goodwill in a few months.
By motherjanegoose
December 4, 2008 5:59 PM | Link to this
I am in shock over what some of you people spend during the holidays!
myalibi….I have NEVER spent $1500.00 on Christmas…I cannot imagine it.
Yes, I pay cash for my presents unless they are ordered online and then I already have the cash in the bank.
This must be why so many have credit card debt. We really do not buy things unless we have the money. We started out with $500 between the 2 of us 26 years ago and have not had any help from anyone…we work hard and are frugal.
I use coupons and am careful about what I spend…there are so many deals out there that you can get great bargains this year!
If my kids REALLY needed something, I would get it for them…this would NOT include $100 jeans or an American Girl Doll. My kid’s grandparents have never really been in the picture for gifts…it is not something they do.
I am amazed at what I have learned on this blog today…now I am beginning to understand the huge spending sprees and why some voted for Obama as he promised to help them dig themselves out!
Question…what are y’alls thoughts on Christmas letters. I have sent them for years. I skipped one year and caught flack from all of my friends as they liked them. A neighbor mentioned she hates them ( I do not send to those who I see regularly) because everyone brags about all the good things and never admits the bad things. I do not share news this way. We received one today from friends in TX who tell that the Dad is fighting cancer again…a plea for prayer. Just wondering!
Last, the dangly earring are about 1 inch long and light as a feather.
By copywriter
December 4, 2008 6:06 PM | Link to this
This is my first Christmas as a single parent, and to be honest, I felt crazy trying to shop for my almost three year old. Finally, I took $200 cash with me — and no cards! — and shopped Friday and Saturday. I managed to get him about 15 things, from small Transformers to a larger, $60 train set for his Thomas stuff. Those presents will be from me and Santa. Granted, some of these gifts will be for his birthday, which is on the 21st. The only other purchasing for him that will be done is going to the store this weekend and purchasing a couple of items for the Toys for Tots program. I don’t think it matters how many things you really get your kids — I grew up in a wealthy household, but now as a single parent I have to juggle everything — but rather that you teach him/her/them that there is always someone who could use something more than you.
As my son gets older, and his toys get more expensive, I’m sure the actual number of wrapped presents will decrease, and that’s okay. My main holiday worry is always that people recognize his birthday and Christmas day as two separate things, you know — the birth of my son, AND the birth of Jesus. Two totally different things, guys!
Ultimately, gifts aren’t going to show your kids that you love them. It’s the baking cookies, the playing outside, the bedtime stories and hugs for no reason that they’ll remember. All those things are relatively cheap and will last a lot longer in their memories.
By Bob Eubanks
December 4, 2008 6:19 PM | Link to this
ok, I have 3 grown daughters from my first marriage, when they were little it was $500.00 per kid. when they got out of college and moved on, it went to $150 each and the same for their spouse. I now have 2 , age 6 and 9, same thing $500 each. I did go over one time and got the boy a 4 wheeler as he has reached hunting age it is a necessity. We live on some acreage and it helps getting around and he is too small for mine.
By Bob Eubanks
December 4, 2008 6:26 PM | Link to this
By the way, I have never used a charge card for Christmas, I have one for emergency travel only. I know some of you think this is too much but I love the season and love to see my children happy. The older ones have grown up responsible adults, 2 are RN’s and one is a 3rg grade teacher. they are married, one has children and own their own homes. they learned to get an education and work hard for what you want. I must not have corrupted their minds too bad.
By Donna
December 4, 2008 6:34 PM | Link to this
Jesus only got three. That’s good enough for my kids!!
By myalibi
December 4, 2008 7:00 PM | Link to this
MJG…1500 is cheap for us and was never a stretch for us. Of course when I was a single parent, I could barely spend a few hundred. I think I try to “make up for it” every year since then. We are fully capable of paying the price, cash wise, in the past few years. I will not get into extra credit debt for Xmas. I get the points on the card, then pay it off.
I ALWAYS use coupons and shop sales (of course you have to do your research and find if they really ARE sales). I never pay retail. I just bought Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock..and spent 57 bucks for the package(game, and guitar) and an extra guitar (for hubby…worth 50 bucks)..total 57…with free shipping. Start early and the bargains abound.
By myalibi
December 4, 2008 7:07 PM | Link to this
Forgot to add…I DO send the Xmas letter out…really as a rebuttal to the hard core, southern baptist, bible thumping FIL (I was raised Catholic)…and my letters are nice, funny, witty (dare I say) and mostly….realistic. This year will be a very sad one, with both of my grandparents dying within 3 months (they died ECACTLY 3 months of each other, had been married 70 years), but I will be sure to find some funny balance.
By j
December 4, 2008 7:09 PM | Link to this
My girls’ birthdays are both in December and Christmas is right in the middle so Dec can be an expensive month for us. I start buying a few things starting in Sept or Oct so I can spread it out. They get no toys or extras (other than needed clothes) all year long so Christmas is the one day a year where I splurge. Whenever they ask for a toy I always say “maybe on Christmas or birthday” when it’s say, July. Since birthday is so close to Christmas I only get each 1 or 2 gifts. I never count how many gifts or worry about an exact dollar amount, I just try to get them what they ask for within reason. I buy everything with cash only, no credit cards. As long as I can still pay my bills, which I can, I don’t see a problem. One of them wanted Kota the dinosaur that costs about $300 so that’s not happening. They wanted biscuit the forreal friends pup that’s $175 and does 6 tricks but instead I’m getting Lucky the wonder dog which is $40 and does 16 tricks. It may not be the “it” toy but it sounds like more fun for them. I’m not ashamed to say that I try to fill the living room with gifts both wanted and needed so when they come out the looks on their faces are priceless. They work hard all year with school and chores so I don’t mind giving them a day of fun and relaxing of rules, and forgetting the ways of a tough world for a day. Everyone needs to lighten up and enjoy life every now and then. And, I always remind them of whose birthday it is, and we would have no Christmas without Jesus. Can’t wait to start baking those gingerbread men with my kids!
By Bob Eubanks
December 4, 2008 7:11 PM | Link to this
ok , this is for the “Jesus got 3 gifts so that is good enough for mine” crowd. He also slept in the barn, walked everywhere he went wore leather sandals and a bed sheet for clothes. I can say with the exception of a few nut cases at the airport I have never ran into other people dressed like this. He was self educated, do you give your children a book and an oil lamp? he walked everywhere, I hope you do not let the little heathens in the car. Get a grip on reality here. what happened 2000 years ago has little to no bearing on what people do today with the exception of religious practices.
By High Tea
December 4, 2008 7:14 PM | Link to this
Reason #995,995,847,883 our country is screwed.
By myalibi
December 4, 2008 7:20 PM | Link to this
Exactly even…sorry for the typo
By reason for the season
December 4, 2008 7:59 PM | Link to this
My cousin started the following tradition with her children when they were little and it works out just fine….she explains the real reason for the season and tells them that since Jesus got 3 presents at his birth, they may ask Santa for only 3 presents. What a great way to teach the real reason for the season and still have the joy of giving gifts to a child!!!
By Xanthippe
December 4, 2008 8:05 PM | Link to this
3 from Santa (per the Jesus and the Wise Men schoo of thought) and then DH and I will give them each one from us.
By nick chick
December 4, 2008 8:07 PM | Link to this
Wow, Bob Eubanks…you must have gotten lots of coal in your stocking when you were little! Just because things are not the same does not mean we should teach children to be greedy! And by the way, yes I do give the children in my family a book every year! What a great gift..a love for learning!
By Speak2Me
December 4, 2008 8:14 PM | Link to this
Whoa…You guys have had a very long conversation today. I’m just getting a chance to blog (kids in the bed). I’m glad this topic came up. My husband and I work full-time in corporate america, plus we own a small home business. Every Christmas we spend between $500-$600 each. However, this year, with all going on. My husband asked me to bring our spending down to $400 for both. We haven’t touched our savings and we only purchase w/cash. So we argued because I don’t want to spend less on our kids. They are wonderful kids (11 & 7). We buy for special gifts throughout the year for school work accomplishments accordingly. Now the end of the year, we should decrease our spending. After reading ALL of the comments tonight. Now I understand. My husband will be very happy to know that I’m only going to spend $500 for both (the PSP alone is $170:-). I love the 3 presents to Jesus idea, I wished I knew that one earlier on:-) Thank you all.
By motherjanegoose
December 4, 2008 8:16 PM | Link to this
Bottom line…if you can afford to spend it then that is totally up to you BUT know that when children are indulged they become adults who MIGHT WELL expect to be indulged.
I spoke with 4 year olds today who told me they wanted their own computer…they will probably get it and there are thousands of other 4 year olds who would simply be happy with clean sheets on a warm bed and a safe house….hmmmm
I could spend $5000.00 cash on Christmas but this is not something I would ever do.
We took a vacation in Hawaii this past summer and that was more fun than any gifts we could buy.
PLEASE…those of you who do not have the money ….do not try to buy happiness and love with your credit card. This never works!
By justine
December 5, 2008 6:11 AM | Link to this
While we’re doing all this talking about spending remember - $10 will provide vaccinations for hundreds of children in 3rd world countries. So while we are shopping less given $10 to UNICEF. And make sure your children give a quarter or dime towards that $10. used to spend based upon the one gift my son had to have. As he got older, we broke it down to one gift we really wanted. The rule has remained now that he is grown. He have me a microwave and small fridge for my office , I usually get him the latest game system. (little boys turn into men who still love to play video game.)
By motherjanegoose
December 5, 2008 6:55 AM | Link to this
well bob eubanks… Abraham Lincoln self studied books without electricity , traveled by horse and he ( I believe) is the one who made the celebration of Thanksgiving a tradition in the US…did that have any bearing on what do did last Thursday? If some want to go with the 3 gifts idea…leave them alone…they can do it all by themselves whether you agree or not.
By judy
December 5, 2008 7:03 AM | Link to this
The way i look at this is once you start giving lots of gift the kids will always want that every year even when they grow up and get married and have kids of there own i know thats what i did. If I had my time to go over again I wold give may 2or3 no more. I am a Grandmother now and they still think they should get alot.
By judy
December 5, 2008 7:04 AM | Link to this
The way i look at this is once you start giving lots of gift the kids will always want that every year even when they grow up and get married and have kids of there own i know thats what i did. If I had my time to go over again I wold give may 2or3 no more. I am a Grandmother now and they still think they should get alot.
By wbah
December 5, 2008 7:37 AM | Link to this
My friend has a great tradition in her home - she told her children that Jesus got three gifts, so they will get three gifts. It has nothing to do with the economy but has everything to do with remembering what Christmas is really about.
By carla
December 5, 2008 7:52 AM | Link to this
well, my kids have already been told that “santa” is having a little financial crisis this year and will be cutting back.
It’s complicated because My step-daughter lives with us and her mom always goes crazy at christmas. We will be lucky to have 3 gifts per child under the tree this year, but my stepdaughter will go to 4 other homes that my son doesn’t and will get an XBox 360, guitar hero, Ipod, 5 outfits complete with shoes and handbags…
my son will get a couple of trucks (he’s 3). Then, both the kids birthday’s are within 4 weeks after Christmas and the whole “I want, I want” starts back up as soon as the wrapping is off the Christmas presents.
I wish I could teach my stepdaughter how to be grateful…but how do you do it when All the other family feel the need to buy her affection?
By Becky
December 5, 2008 8:06 AM | Link to this
Wow, $1500.00 on Christmas for 2 little girls?? I have 5 sisters, 15 nieces & nephews & 16 great nieces & nephews to buy for & about 10 stockings at work to stuff & I’ve never spent that much…
We even bought the 2 granchildren 4 wheelers last year & didn’t spend that much…
I agree that (usually) the more you give the child, the less they appreiciate (sp)..
By S Kelly
December 5, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this
I give my kids, now 17 and 14 three gifts each, as that’s how many presents Jesus received at his birth. They do get gifts from other people as well, but it helps to remind us why we give gifts at all.
By Lisa
December 5, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this
It reall all depends on your family traditions and circumstances. We’ve always had big christmases. Some from Santa and some from Mom/Dad. Our kids don’t get a bunch of presents from extended family. I don’t have a $$ amount or a gift limit. I just get them each some fun things to play with and a few things I want them to have (educational, clothes, etc)
I really don’t think people should judge other people’s traditions. Some people make a bigger deal out of birthdays, some people buy a toy every time they are at Target. The important thing is to find out what’s comfortable for your family. Don’t feel like you have to “keep up with the jones”. EVERY FAMILY DOES IT DIFFERENTLY — as you can tell from the responses here!
By Koz
December 5, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this
My parents always went overboard with me so I do the same with my kids. I don’t count the number of gifts but usually a dollar amount. Normally $1k a kid covers it (no charge cards). We like to do it up big.
By jenn
December 5, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this
I have to say I do spoil my son at Christmas. He is an only child and we have no relatives that live here so he doesn’t get the motherload from all the relatives. I decorate like crazy, everything sparkles inside and out, we make cookies and hot chocolate and go crazy over Christmas movies all of december. We even take pictures while picking out a christmas tree. Christmas morning he wakes up to a bunch of colorful gifts under the tree..some big and some small. But he never asks for anything all year long….even if I offer to buy it for him he says “no thank you”. Christmas at my house is not just a 10 minute frenzy of gifts on christmas morning…it’s a month of fun and traditions building up to christmas day. I am building traditions with my family and even with the neighborhood kids too…they love to come bake cookies with us and they design their own ornaments and we hang them around the house…I don’t want it to be a stress, I want it to be fun and happy.
By Ilene
December 5, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this
We celebrate Hanukkah so our daughter receives 8 gifts, one for each of the nights of Hanukkah. There are 7 smaller gifts and one larger gift (but the spend is about $100).
By Jesse's Girl
December 5, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
No judgements here people…..do what you do! Love on your kids and have a blast this Holiday!!! Have a blessed weekend everyone!!!
By JJ
December 5, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this
Question: How long does it take you and your family to open presents on Christmas?
Do you allow the kids to go at it? Or do you take turns?
One year, I was at my in-laws, and there were several grandchildren there. They just let the kids go in and have at it, no one saw them open any presents. I got up around 7:00 and all the kids had already opened their presents. I was so upset. I didn’t have my child, but I did have nieces and nephews there, and I didn’t get to see them open the presents we gave them. It really hurt.
In our family, we take turns, so everyone can see what the gift is. The kids really like to take their time. We have to take a break about 1/2 way through. Get coffee, stretch our legs, get breakfast stuff out and ready to cook.
This year, we are doing something we have never done. We are going out for dinner (chinese of course) on Christmas Eve. My mom doesn’t want to cook, and have a big mess, so we decided to simplify dinner this year.
We will have a huge breakfast after all the presents are opened.
By lh
December 5, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this
Expecting, I’d either list specific toys/items you want. Sometimes I do this to prevent my dad & my MIL buying the same thing. Or, I also have a ‘banned toy list’ that I’m not shy about sharing as I loathe Barbe, and Bratz are even worse.
New Mom, My inlaws splurge at Christmas. One year you couldn’t get within 3 feet of their live tree (fire hazard). First christmas with grandkids (2 granddaughters 3M apart) took 3 hours to open presents, and we had to stop & feed the babies. It was a nightmare. Next Christmas we said 10 gifts max, but more than one toy/item per package (keep in mind this reduced their gifts by at least 1/2). They gave 10 gifts at their house on Christmas Eve, and 6 more at our house on Christmas Day. I was livid! Now it’s 10 gifts total, and no more than 4 toys (again major reduction for them). MIL begins Christmas shopping on 12/26, but now she tends to give the girls clothes through out the year.
My dad has the same rules, and he complained a lot….until he showed my list to a sales lady and her response was “My daughter only lets me give my grandkids 1 gift”. That shut him up.
We also have a budget per child & one for everyone gifts. The number of presents depends on how much items cost. Usually 5 or 6 per child, and anywhere from 3-10 everyone gifts. The year I got some great deals on board games we had more everyone gifts.
By JeremiahWright
December 5, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this
It’s hard to give to “needy” families any more. Our country’s definition of needy is a far cry from the definition in other countries, like Africa. I saw a wish list from a needy 15 yo girl once who wanted a laptop computer. I don’t even have one of those.
By JDB
December 5, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
I give my children all year round but I do like for them to have a lot of gifts for Christmas and it’s not because they need it and it not because of the meaning of Christmas, i do because I was raise with lots of gifts for Christmas with the understanding that this is a time of joy and love but with the understanding of if we were able. I would have to say, however many your budget allows with thinking wisely. I have actually went over board on a few Christmas holidays and each of my four children had at least fifteen gifts each or more.
By motherjanegoose
December 5, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this
jj….free for all at my in law’s house and no one thanks anyone for the gifts as they have no idea what came from whom ( is that correct?). I detest this. They do everything on Christmas eve so they can party into the wee hours and not have to get up on Christmas.
At our house, we put out a nice ( ham, mostly appetizers, desserts and salads…some finger foods) buffet and open our stockings ( silly on the eve I know) and one gift per person. Then we listen to music and sometimes watch a Christmas movie. We always go to the candlelight service at church too.
Time spent with the family is what I enjoy. We have not had out of town guests in years…they probably think our traditions are crazy too.
FYI…did you know that children who play family board games are more cooperative at school and with other children? they know how to take turns, share and be a gracious loser. Just a thought I wanted to share as lh mentioned that they bought board games.
By Rhonda K.
December 5, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
Well, my daughter is my only child, so she gets quite a bit. She receives presents from me 2 times a year, her birthday and Christmas. My stepkids have a large extended family(my daughter doesn’t), and they receive gifts from extra grandparents, etc. When they came to our house for Christmas, my daughter would have already opened part of her gifts, so she would have the same amount of gifts to open as the kids. This year, the kids aren’t coming, so they are getting $100 Visa cards. I do spoil my daughter, but I’m a thrifty shopper, I use coupons, buy stuff on ebay, and watch the sales….
By JJ
December 5, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
MotherJane I grew up with the family playing board games. I remember when we first moved to Colorado, and I was around 8, we were renting an apartment. In that apartment, we found a Monolopy game. We sat down as a family and played, and I have Vivid memories of that. It is what started my love of board games.
My daughter and I play alot of games together, though mostly cards right now. When my nieces come over, we bust out the board games.
On Christmas Eve we all play Monolopy, after dinner and one present getting opened. Every year it’s a different version of Monolopy, Disney, Shrek, etc. This year we are going to get the Electronic Banking one, as my brother cheats like a weasel at Monopoly. But that’s all part of the tradition…he cheats and we all get mad and quit. ha ha
By deidre_NC
December 5, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this
my 4 grandkids will each get a gift..thats it..we are severly broken here lol…but its ok..we have tons of love…
By motherjanegoose
December 5, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this
jj…haha…my husband loves to play Scrabble but he can be difficult if he is not winning. My sister comes over and they play with our daughter. I go to bed and always hear how ridiculous things got last night…when I get up in the morning. I played games as a kid and love to play with family and friends.
By deidre_NC
December 5, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this
we also play games..good clean fun for everyone…just for the record..my older daughter has always gone extreme at christmas..ive tried to tell her the kids will always expect it and there is no way any kid needs to get a house full of stuff for any one day (birthdays were the same) now she is broke..divorced and times are really rough…im wondering what her kids will think now..
By lakerat
December 5, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
I have read with interest the comments here the past 2 days on this topic (still can’t believe, as posted yesterday, that anyone would criticze MJGoose for helping someone have an enjoyable Christmas) - you go girl, and as others have said, do not let others keep you from helping again in the future.
Initially, I thought that maybe we had gone overboard on our kids through the years (both at Christmas’ and just as they grew) - but as I read these posts I realized that we were just “middle of the road” gift givers who give to our children because much has been given to us. The kids have seemingly turned out OK (as posted in other discussions - one now in med school and one a jr. in college - and, does the fact that the med school is in the Caribbean count as being a somehat “education abroad”- it is the French West Indies!!!).
Anyway, we also have multiple traditions that we have carried out through the years at Christmas (always went out as a family to cut a tree, at least until both kids were in college, then we bought one of those fake pre-lit trees for $35 at Big Lots last year - left over from the year before and looks very real!). Then, on Christmas Eve we always go for lunch somewhere (each kid alternates years in picking the place) - grandma comes down from KY and we always attend the Christmas Eve service at church. Then, after the service, we have hor d’oerves at home (again, kid’s choices - hmm, I see a pattern here).
On Christmas morning the other grandparents (and whomever else might be at there house that morning) come over for brunch at our house, then we all, late in the afternoon, head over to the grandparent’s house where the whole extended family gets together (about 25 of us) for dinner/desserts - we do have the “baby Jesus” cake, another tradition started when my nieces were little (they are now 34 and 31!). I have always loved the Rich’s coconut cakes, so this morning I sent the recipe that was in the online AJC to my mom with hopes that she “takes the hint” for this year!
Yes, Christmas is a family time, and we do enjoy it, and, hopefully, our kids will carry on these traditions when I am gone!
By Jesse's Girl
December 5, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this
Where did you find that recipe Lakerat? LOVE THAT CAKE!!!!!
By Stacey
December 5, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
JJ…When I was growing up, we were allowed to open one gift (of our chosing) before we went to bed Christmas Eve (these were the gifts from Mama & Daddy, siblings, etc). Christmas morning we could see Santa’s gifts (he didn’t wrap his) but we were only allowed to open one thing before breakfast. After breakfast everyone met in the living room where we pretty much just went at it.
We never exchange Christmas gifts with extended family because there were too many of us. As we got older and stopped believing in Santa, we drew names and only bought a gift for that person and Mama. Daddy only wanted candy for Christmas because he had all of the slippers, robes, PJ’s and screwdriver sets ever made! Mama didn’t need or want anything either but we still bought her jugs of stinky perfume and costume jewlery anyway. LOL
I only have one child so it isn’t as chaotic at our house. I tried the one gift before breakfast rule with him but because my husband is a bigger kid than my son, that quickly went out the window! My husband is always anxious to “make sure the toys work”. I think he actually gets a bigger thrill from our son opening his toys than son gets from playing with them! :-)
By lakerat
December 5, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
Jesse’s Girl - it was on the AJC homepage this morning but is gone now - I will cut and paste from my email - hope it works
Ingredients: Rich’s always did a three-layer cake, with two layers of coconut filling, but some home cooks don’t have three pans of the same size, so two would work just fine.
RICH’S BAKESHOP YELLOW CAKE:
Shortening and flour for pans
2 1/4 cups cake flour (if you can’t find cake flour, use White Lily brand all-purpose flour)
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 tablespoon powdered milk
1/2 cup water
2/3 cup liquid milk (2 percent or whole)
3/4 cup vegetable shortening
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
3 large eggs
RICH’S BAKESHOP ICING:
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon salt
1 pound confectioners’ sugar
2 tablespoons powdered milk
1/2 cup water (for dissolving milk powder)
RICH’S COCONUT FILLING: 2 pounds frozen shredded coconut (sweetened or unsweetened —- recipe tested with unsweetened), divided 2 tablespoons water 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
Instructions:
TO MAKE THE YELLOW CAKE LAYERS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare cake pans by lightly greasing with shortening, then dusting with flour. In a large bowl, mix the flour, salt and baking powder. Set aside. In a small bowl or measuring cup, stir the powdered milk into the water and mix until dissolved.
Combine the liquid milk with the powdered milk/water mixture and set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream together the shortening and the sugar until fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add about half the flour mixture, beating until just incorporated, and then half the milk mixture, again beating until just incorporated. Repeat this step, adding the remaining flour with the remaining liquid, and beat until just smooth (about 1 minute). Be sure to scrape down the sides of the bowls once or twice during the mixing. Pour the batter into the prepared cake pans and bake for about 20 to 30 minutes. The cooking time will vary depending on how many cake pans you use and how full they are. The cake is done when it springs back when lightly pressed near the center with your finger. Allow the cake to cool for a few minutes in the pan, and then turn out onto cooling racks to cool completely.
TO MAKE ICING:
In a mixing bowl, using an electric mixer, combine the vegetable shortening, vanilla and salt and cream together until incorporated. Slowly add the confectioners’ sugar until it forms a very thick consistency. Dissolve the powdered milk in the water and gradually add, just 1 or 2 tablespoons at a time, until the icing is a nice, spreadable consistency.
TO ASSEMBLE CAKE:
Make filling: In a large bowl, thaw the frozen coconut. Set aside. Take 1 1/2 cups of the coconut and place in a smaller bowl. Combine the water and sugar and pour over this smaller bowl of coconut. This should be very moist but not soupy. Place one layer of the yellow cake on a cake plate and spread with icing. Spoon the moistened coconut over that.
Place the next layer on top and spread with icing, spooning the moistened coconut over it. Continue this process until all your layers are filled; however, don’t put the moist filling on the very top of the last layer, as it will be iced. Next, cover the entire cake with the icing. Make sure to use a thick coating of icing to eliminate any of the cake showing through. Take handfuls of the dry, thawed coconut and press the flakes into the icing. You may want to put a tray underneath to catch any coconut that falls as you do this. Continue pressing dry, flaky coconut all over the cake until it is completely covered. Chill for about 1 hour to set (it helps the coconut to stay), and then serve.
Notes: Thawed or frozen coconut really does make a difference for this easy cake. You can assemble the cake when the layers are still a little warm as the shortening-based frosting doesn’t melt. While it’s good after an hour, it’s far better after a day.
By Jesse's Girl
December 5, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this
You are awesome!!! I might go into insulin shock…..but I don’t care! I had a version of this at our wedding!!!!!
By Becky
December 5, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this
Jesses Girl, I printed this recipe out & am going to bake this cake maybe this weekend.. Can’t wait to see how it turns out..
By JJ
December 5, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this
Another thing I do, and I think I mentioned this this past summer, or whenever.
I take baby powder, and on Christmas Day, before my daughter gets up, I walk from the fireplace to the tree, then to her room, all along sprinkling baby powder over my feet. The result is it looks like Santa came down the chimney and walked with snow still on his boots. A friend of mine does this also for his two boys. They really think Santa came in the house. And of course, you have to drink part of the (warm) milk and eat the cookies that are left for Santa. We also leave carrots for the reindeer.
My daughter is 17 and last year, she bought me the baby powder, and looked at me and said “You know what to do”.
Too funny.
By new mom
December 5, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this
That cake sounds great—but a lot of trouble to me! :)
I have a recipe for a coconut cake too, if anyone wants an EASY version! You start with a yellow cake mix, bake it according to directions as a sheet cake. While it’s baking, mix a can of sweetened condensed milk and a can of cream of coconut. When the cake is done and still hot, don’t take it out of the dish—poke holes all over it and pour the coconut goodness all over the cake. Do about half, let it soak in, wait a minute, then pour the other half.
Once it’s cooled, frost with a 12oz container of cool whip, and top that with a bag of coconut.
Seriously, people will think you are a genius and won’t believe how easy it is.
I love to cook, but really don’t have time for a lot of ‘from scratch’ stuff these days. :)
JJ—one year my parents made big ‘butt-prints’ in the ashes in the fireplace…no joke!
By Jesse's Girl
December 5, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this
Good Lord….I’m gonna make that one too!!! If I see any of you at one of the 3 holiday parties I have to attend….you will be munching on one of these delicious delights. Now I’m hungry…
By DB
December 5, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
Oddly, the “when to open gifts” problem was a huge sticking point in our early marriage — his family was of the “Christmas gifts get opened on Christmas” and my family opened family gifts at a large party on Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning was Santa gifts. Our first Christmas together, we were both horrified when I wanted to open gifts on the Eve and he was adamant that “No! Those are for tomorrow!” Big fight! Omigosh — it’s funny now, but at the time, it was “to the death”!
So now, I’ve compromised — everyone opens ONE gift on Christmas Eve. (I still feel cheated, but I’ll get over it one of these years!) We go out for Chinese dinner before the 8:30 pm service, and then go home, sit by the fire, drink hot chocolate (or wine, depending on the age), and open one gift. The next morning, the kids knew they were NEVER allowed downstairs before us, because Santa left a red ribbon acorss the top of the stairs that only Mom and Dad could remove. Which meant, of course, that Mom and Dad were awakened at 5:30 am, but that’s ok. As they were older (past 12!), we instituted the 7 am rule. Everyone opens a gift one at a time — it lasts much longer that way. (And we have a rule — no playing, wearing or spending a gift until you have written a thank you note — everyone has a pad of paper and writes their gifts down. We have a late Christmas lunch, and Christmas evening, we all go to a movie, which means we spend most of lunch trying to decide which movie to go see — the only rule is, we ALL have to go to the same movie!
I have a videotape of my children for 18 years with the Phipps Santa — my solder son, strangely, was the one that was loathe to give up that tradition, my daughter rolled her eyes every year. We stopped going when the former Santa died a couple of years ago, but that evening going to see Santa, and then having a nice dinner afterwards, was always a highlight.
I love the Christmas season …
By new mom
December 5, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this
Just save me a piece, Jessie’s girl! ;) If you want the recipe for my super-bad emergency triple chocolate cake, I can provide that too. I’m all about the ‘start with a cake mix’ cakes.
Crap, now I’m hungry too.
By Jesse's Girl
December 5, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this
Girl…bring it. Any food that has an intial description like super-bad is noteworthy!
By JJ
December 5, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this
newmom I want the super-bad emergency triple chocolate cake recipe!!! Give it up woman!!!
By new mom
December 5, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this
Alright, ladies, here it is. A bit of a disclaimer: I got this out of a Sunday School cookbook from my grandmother’s class waaaay back in the day. 1984. And it still works today…
Triple Chocolate Cake
1 box chocolate cake mix (I just use devil’s food—why not?) 1 small box instant chocolate pudding 1 12oz bag chocolate chips 1 and 3/4 cup milk 2 eggs
Mix everything. (I add the chocolate chips at the very end, easier to stir!) Then pour into a greased bundt pan and bake at 350 degrees for 55 min-1 hour, or until you can’t stand it anymore.
Seriously, that’s all the ingredients. I keep them on hand at all times, you never know when you will have a chocolate emergency.
I don’t frost it—there’s no need, but if you want to pretty it up, you can dust it with powdered sugar before serving. And if you eat it while it’s still a bit warm, the chocolate chips will be kinda melty :)
By new mom
December 5, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
Sorry, all that really ran together. Can you guys read the ingredents? I forgot to use the old enter key…
By Jesse's Girl
December 5, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this
Girl…you had me at pudding and chocolate chips! You don’t even need to bake that!
By new mom
December 5, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this
True…who among us hasn’t ‘tasted’ a chocolate chip or two, just to make sure they aren’t poisonous? ;)
By JJ
December 5, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this
NewMom THANKS!!! I’m going to make that this weekend and bring it into work on Monday.
By new mom
December 5, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this
JJ—I hope you like it! whenever I make it, people think I did it from scratch. I usually tell them the truth… :)
By Becky
December 5, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this
newmom, that would be me..I’m not a big chocolate lover..Don’t get me wrong, I will eat it, just maybe 5-6 times a year…
By motherjanegoose
December 5, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this
YUM newmom.
I want to add that the cookbooks by the church ladies are the best out there. I have MANY and love to read them.
I was in Minnesota this summer and a teacher was about to pitch me the line to sell me her church cookbook, I bought one without even looking inside…I KNEW it would be good! She could not believe it.
What tickles me is that many of the ladies up north sign their recipes: Mrs. Kenneth Haygard ( example not real) etc. They do not use their own names. My mother always signed her name Mrs. Dad’s Name and last name ( she was born in Chicago) but I have NEVER signed mine that way. Is it the south or the era?
By JJ
December 5, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this
MotherJane Every time I travel to another city, I look for a local cookbook. The Church ladies always put out a great book. I also look for the Local Junior or Service League.
When in Charleston a few years back, I picked up a great cookbook and the proceeds went to the local high school on Daniel’s Island.
By Corkie
December 5, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this
I thought I would add my two cents worth. We give Christmas gifts to the granddaughters of a close friend. We give them a gift card to Border’s Book store so they can pick out their own choice of reading material. This results in an extention of Christmas as the anticipation of the “Trip to Borders” approaches. Their parents make a day of it with a nice lunch. These children have already realized that shopping in the sale bin yields many more books!
By Stacey
December 5, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this
MJG…I think it may be the era. Although mother signed her first name, she always signed Mrs. If some gave her paperwork to sign that did not include it, she would give it back and say please put a handle on my name! LOL I don’t think I have used a handle since about a year after I was married (the “newness” wore off). I still proudly take my husband’s name (no hyphen) but I don’t sign Mrs. If I’m signing something for the both of us, I sign _ & Stacey __. It doesn’t bother me though to receive a card or invitation addressed to Mr. & Mrs. (his name).
As far as cookbooks are concerned, I think I may be addicted to buying them but the only ones that actually cook from are the ones with color pictures. Anytime I come across them at yard sales or something like that I will buy all they have. I even chose cookbooks as my “Can’t Live Without” thing on my Secret Santa list.
By deidre_NC
December 5, 2008 7:18 PM | Link to this
i love the chocolate recipe..cant wait to make it…omg ill be so sick..
i love all cookbooks that any organization puts out…our pre k did one a long time ago..our rescue squad here did one last year..and i have one from my ex great grandmother in law..(now deceased) from Sharon-raytown Garden Club—1903-1953. some of these recipes tell you to cook it in a hot oven rather than the temp..its a great book.
i also have to add—-no matter how broke we are we always get at least 1 ornament from the angel trees…this year we are instead sending a box of stuff to some marines in iraq who have no family and therefore no one to send them any christmas stuff. the only thing i see wrong with the dangly ear rings is that i wouldnt have let my kid wear dangles at that age…but i might have if it was a gift like this-we usually pick names that have wanted items like shoes-clothes-winter jackets etc…those break my heart—and then we also put in a frivolous gift—-we started this when my kids were small and i would let them pick an ornament of a kid their age and gender and pick ot the gifts. now as i say i have so many friends whos kids are in the military and lots of them are great friends of my kids—so we are picking some needy marines…im sure ill put something in a toys for tots box..no matter how broke we are others are worse off..i at least do have a job—so far anyway.
merry christmas everyone…early i know—-im trying to get in the spirit lol
By deidre_NC
December 5, 2008 7:23 PM | Link to this
oh yeah…does anyone have the recipe for the rich’s bake shop brownies??god i miss those!!! my grandmother was the credit manager at downtown rich’s forever and used to always bring us these..especially when i was pregnant..ohhh yummmm
By K L MARTIN
December 8, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this
I PRESENT PER CHILD IS AN INSULT—-IT IS CHRISTMAS—-I SAY AT LEAST 10
By Priscilla Moses
December 8, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this
I am a foster mom and I don’t think that showering kids with an abundance of toys at Christmas is necessary. I feel that 3-5 gifts is fine to give a child at Christmas. We have to remember it is not our birthday but Jesus Birthday and stay on track on what’s the real meaning of Christmas. We need to teach our kids how to give back to society and not always be takers.
By LC
December 10, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this
Well after reading all this comments on presents I must say that I grew up getting tons and tons of gifts and never really cared for them. It was exciting to open them but then there was no special attachment to any of them. I have 3 daughters and I also have make a wish list (10 items) and choose their top 3. They don’t really know what they’re getting so this makes it that much more special. As the family has grown the gifts have become less, since they want bigger and better things. I don’t necessarily have a budget when it comes to buying them as much as thinking profoundly how they will use the gift and how much they really want it. I even had my 3 yr old make a list this year and let me tell you that her list was a toy catalog and choosing only 10 was the hardest thing for her. I usually give them 2-3 from santa and 1-2 from mom and dad depending on the cost and quality of gift.
By Shaye
December 24, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this
We always had a set dollar amount spent on us (usually $100), with parents and grandparents careful to get each child the same # of gifts as well. And I thought we were a bit spoiled! lol I follow the same basic rule for my stepdaughter—we spent about $100 on her. She got 1 “big” thing ($60) and 3 “small” things. She is Swedish, though, so she is not as influenced by other kids being spoiled rotten. Between us, her mom, grandparents, etc., she gets plenty.
It’s up to parents to do whatever they think is right, but I can’t help but shake my head when a parent gets a child every single thing they express any wish for, or spend an extravagant amount of money on them—really, $500 or $1000??? If you have money to burn, why not spend $200 and then spend $50 on some poorer child who won’t even be getting coal? Or put the other $300 or so into a college fund or a savings account for a down payment on a house one day?
Btw, the Christmas Eve/Day gift-opening thing: in Sweden it is traditional for Tomte to come on Christmas Eve, so they open stuff then. Maybe some people’s gift-opening practices (lol) come from that somewhere down the line.
Okay, no more ranting… hope everyone enjoys their holidays!