MOMania

By jct

November 19, 2008 8:09 AM | Link to this

I would say let them go live with the other parent. I am a child of divorce and I requested to live with my father when I was 13. I lasted 6 months at his house. He was a fun loving Dad when I would see him on weekends. He changed when I lived with him. I had curfew. He made me go to church everyday (Mom only made me go 3 times per week). He was a completely different person.

In six months, I asked to go back with my mother. She stated if I was ready to live by her rules that it was okay. I lived with her until two weeks after I graduated high school.

The mother has got to understand that the child (I would say any age after 10) has to see what it is like to live with the other parent. The non-custodial parent will either be as tough(er) or be more lenient. Either way children like stability. If they are not getting that they will ask to come back. Let them come back with the understanding that they MUST live with the rules of the house; if they don’t like that than they can’t come back.

This is part of solid parenting. Unless the non-custodial parent is abusive, then you have to let them parent the best way they know how. Be supportive to the other parent while the adjustments are being made. Your child will be better off for it.

By momtoAlex&Max

November 19, 2008 8:15 AM | Link to this

Somebody correct me if I am wrong, but I am pretty sure that in the state of Georgia a child of 14 or older can decide which parent they want to live with.

By MomtoRachelandBecky

November 19, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

It doesn’t mean you’re a failure if your child wants to live with the other parent. Children above a certain age need to be able to make their own decisions about these things, and if you’ve signed a parenting agreement saying that you will respect their wishes, you should comply with the law you’ve written and do that! I’m sorry if it made you feel bad — but I’m sure your child will appreciate the fact that you put his wellbeing and development above your own desire to be with him at all times. As Milton and Thomas Aquinas say, it isn’t a choice unless it’s a choice. You are helping your child to be a reasoning adult.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 19, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

I wouldn’t know as we’ve kept our marriage together, unlike most idiots who marry for “love” and immediately have children only to discover they want a divorce.

By i am

November 19, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

My son decided between middle school and high school year he wanted to live with his dad…out of state. It has been an adjustment, but at some point kids need the other parent as well. it has been a year and a half now, and all is well. he tried to come back 3 months later, but eh deal was he had to complete a school year there before having the option to return. by the end of the scholl year, he was fine. Let them have their say when they are half way sensible..the age on that will certainly wary.

By LM

November 19, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this

My daughters father left us when she turned 6, in the 10 years since this has come up a couple of times. He and I have a great relationship, as husband and wife we were not good, as friends we respect each other. His wife is good for him and can be the partner he needed me to be, he is happier and is a better father to our daughter.

Every time my daughter went to visit with her father and is family it was an occasion, Birthday, Holiday, Celebration, those weekends were Circus/Parade/Party all rolled into one. She did not understand he and his wife would be able to set aside time so that her weekend with him was focused on her and spending time on her, not trying to get groceries, clean the house and day to day living done.

I have a rule, she has the opportunity to live with him, if things don’t work out she can come back, but if she wants to leave again, she will not be welcomed back the second time. I saw what my 1st husbands sisters did to their father and mother, playing them off each other and running the houses. Neither parent stood up to the girls and the houses were chaos and the adults were not in control.

That being said, this year has been very difficult between my daughter and myself, she is disrespectful, mean and lazy. It has gotten so bad I don’t want to come home at night and listen to her complain and find fault with me and the way I have managed our life so far.

He as said to her he is not responsible enough to take care of her full time, but that does not change the fact he loves her and wants to be a part of her life. We have talked about her going to live with him, part of me needs and wants the break, part of me worries that she would not get the emotional support she needs, the biggest part of me would miss her and her drama. As she has gotten older I have realized she will need time with her father before she is an adult. She only has so many years as a child who looks up to her parents and if I don’t let her experience the bonding time with her father I am not doing my job as her mother.

By JJ

November 19, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

*MomtoAlex&Max * Yes, the age is 14 here in Georgia. I know this to be a fact, as my brother went through it with his divorce. He got joint custody, every other WEEK (not weekend).

I’ve been through a divorce, and I honestly do not think it is fair for the father to only be allowed to see HIS kids 4 days a MONTH. I truly believe in joint custody. My brother and his ex wife live within 5 miles of each other, so the kids were not affected with school, church, activities, etc. They go back and forth between the two houses just fine. My brother kept their house, and his ex went an purchased another house. The kids have adjusted, and are doing very well.

Alot of custodial parents don’t want to give up their Child support money, and that’s part of the problem. There is also anger still lingering sometimes between the exes, and people use the kids as pawns.

By i am

November 19, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this

LM* Send her azz to daddy. Tell him you don’t much care if his lifestyle doesn’t permit for fulltime fatherhood. It is his turn plain and simple. Let her know there is no way she can come back without a serious attitude adjustment. Let him know how disrespectful she is is and that you expect him to help you deal with it. Good luck….I was that teenager, and I just needed someone to put me in my place. maybe daddy can/ will??

By Stephanie

November 19, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this

My husband’s 14 year old daughter has been begging to live with us since she was 7. Our problem is that she has a younger sister living with her and her mother who does NOT want to live with us. What will be the outcome of child support? We do not feel we should continue child support payments since we will each be responsible for one of the minor children. Will we need to go to court?We contacted a lawyer and he wants a minumum of $10K. Any advice will be appreciated.

By tesgirl

November 19, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

DEAR MOM TO ALEX…

You are wrong as of late. The new law is that the judge makes the final decision, not the child, after hearing all sides. This is a recent change so not everyone is aware unless you need to be.

My daughter went to live with her dad and his new wife and their 16 mo. old. She thought the grass would be greener but she’s learning that it is not. The rules, the chores - all okay by my daughter. The immaturity and nastiness of the sulking step monster and her ill-equipped to deal with people dad are proving to be not worth the hummer and the benz. My daughter does love her baby brother and he makes it tolerable. We’ll see how it goes. It’s been 6 months now and I believe she’s having 2nd thoughts. I did the same thing when I was 13, but I had nowhere to return to. Fortunately, my heart, arms and home is always open when or if she decides to come home. A child needs both parents.

By tesgirl

November 19, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

DEAR MOM TO ALEX…

You are wrong as of late. The new law is that the judge makes the final decision, not the child, after hearing all sides. This is a recent change so not everyone is aware unless you need to be.

My daughter went to live with her dad and his new wife and their 16 mo. old. She thought the grass would be greener but she’s learning that it is not. The rules, the chores - all okay by my daughter. The immaturity and nastiness of the sulking step monster and her ill-equipped to deal with people dad are proving to be not worth the hummer and the benz. My daughter does love her baby brother and he makes it tolerable. We’ll see how it goes. It’s been 6 months now and I believe she’s having 2nd thoughts. I did the same thing when I was 13, but I had nowhere to return to. Fortunately, my heart, arms and home is always open when or if she decides to come home. A child needs both parents.

By LM

November 19, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

i am Her Father has seen first hand how she treats me, understands my frustration with her and backs up my rules. He also acknowledges that it is his genes that are causing most of the difficulties. Our marriage broke up due to his depression and other mental issues. I regret I was not supportive, but had little understanding of the condition at the time. Since then she has been diagnosed with Depression, ADHD, Bi-Polar and we are looking at Turrets.

By adaddy

November 19, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

A child is not a possession … it’s a person. At a certain age they can figure out what is best for them, and should be given a say. Every situation is different: It isn’t “automatic” that mothers are better parents that fathers. My ex is a good mother, but I’m a good father, too. Three of my four daughters choose to live with me. It was the right choice for all FOUR girls, because it was their choice each time. Let go of your own self interest and put the kids FIRST, and things will be for the best. That goes for both mothers and fathers.

By Bonnie

November 19, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

One needs to be on the alert for parental alienation. One also needs to be on the alert for attorneys who don’t want this to happen, as it would lessen the need to go to court.

See www.FamilyLawCourts.com

There’s way more to this question than meets the eye.

However, media seldom covers the busiest court in the nation. So the problems remain and the stories are ‘surface’ only.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 19, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

Ah yes, what a great reflection on how today’s adults can’t keep a marriage together and wind up destroying all aroung them via divorce, especially children.

By tesgirl

November 19, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy

I’d be careful with that self-righteousness. You may a valid point, but your comments open you up to discovering your wife is having an affair with your best friend and having HIS baby. Hold THAT together!

By tesgirl

November 19, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy

I’d be careful with that self-righteousness. You may a valid point, but your comments open you up to discovering your wife is having an affair with your best friend and having HIS baby. Hold THAT together!

By sofarsogood

November 19, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

My ex and I divorced in April of 2007. My son (14 at the time) chose to live with me full time and we have had as positive experience as divorce allows. My other two stay with me two weeks on/two weeks off. I have a 13 year old daughter and a 6 year old son. My daughter is a challenge, but i love her despite those challenges. I miss them both when they are gone, but thankfully do get to see them often during those weeks. Working TOGETHER for the sake of your children is the most important thing. My fiance’ is divorced and I have witnessed some pretty nasty behavior by her ex. It makes me thankful for the way my ex and I handle things.

By lynn

November 19, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

My oldest chose to move with me 3 years ago when she was 14. Now the soon to be 14 yr. old wants to make the move as well but she’s afraid of leaving her daddy alone. We’re looking at the end of the school year for the change. 14 is still the age they make a decision but yes, the judge has to approve, however, he/she always leans in favor of what the child wants. It costs 1,500 to amend the child support order. I went from paying him $650 a month to 0 when the one child came to be with me. Once the other child moves, he’ll have to pay me support then. That’s how it works as far as fees and legal issues anyways. Oh, and the first time my daughter got mad and wanted to go back I told her that she had better be sure because there would be not coming back. She’s still there and never mentions leaving anymore.

By lkb

November 19, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

I elected to move in with my dad when I was 15 years old and it was the best decision I made and it shaped my life tremendously. My mother and I had a difficult mother-daughter relationship and it was in my best interests to move on.

My advice would be to lay down ground rules for coming back should the child decide it wasn’t the best for them.

By Mo's Mom

November 19, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

There is no way on God’s green Earth that I would allow my son to go live with his sperm donor. He’s works away from home 7 days & I wouldn’t trust my son to be left in his wife’s care because she is a schizophrenic wench & should have her own children taken from her.

By MC

November 19, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

My ex and I are in a cutody battle now after only a year since our divorce. We have a 14 year old son and 16 year old daughter. My son wants to come live with me but is afraid of the wrath he would suffer from his mother plus also feeling loyalty to his sister who doesn’t want to. During our marriage I felt as if I was married with 3 kids!! My ex wouldn’t take responsibility for anything and always had excuses. Up until our divorce which was preceeded by two years of separation I had always been involved in my kids lives From coaching little league, to helping out with school programs, to staying home with them when they were sick to taking them to the doctor. But since our divorce my ex has made it a point to exclude me from our kids except on my weekends or its convient for her. As I was the disciplinarian in our house my kids know what to expect. My son doesn’t have a problem with following rules but boy oh my goodness does my 16 year old daughter have issues with it. She knows I pay attention to what she’s doing, who she’s with and her school work but unfortunately her mother lets her do what she pleases even has her being homeschooled this year. Now keep in mind my ex is a middle school teacher who thinks its fine to move her boyfriend into the house when he just got out of jail for felony possession of meth and possession of firearms during the comission of a crime. So you can see how I might have a problem with that!! Don’t you want a teacher with morals like that teaching your kids!! No matter how much you hate or dislike your ex if it is best for your kids then put your revenge or obsession with making the ex suffer on the back burner and do right by your kids. I said all of that to say this….If they want to live with the other parent and it will be for the best then let them. Sorry this was long and more of a rant but have some strong feeling on this subject!!

By Lesa

November 19, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

My ex-husbands son wanted to live with us, but his intentions weren’t good. He is a “problem child” & just wanted to break up our marriage. When he saw he wasn’t getting his way he went back to his mom (to do what he pleases) & now wants to come back again. If your child’s father is stable and you two have a friendly relationship and will give the child some rules, I say why not AS LONG AS THERE ARE RULES for her to abide by.

By LT

November 19, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

Funny this should be the topic, I have been heartbroken over this issue. My 16 year old wanted to live with her father who is out of state for some time and made my life miserable for the past two years. I finally relented and let her go at the end of her junior year. She had by then decided that she preferred to stay here to finish high school but was unwilling to be respectful so she was sent to her father. I found out days before school started that she and her father had arranged for one of her teachers to have her live with her, 5 minutes from our house. The school, teacher, my ex and daughter all lied about this until they got caught. I have been crushed by this and know that I could go to court as I have joint legal custody, having only given my ex residential custody. I still have the right to be informed of any major moves and changes in school, though no one saw fit to tell me. I feel like if they are so lacking in integrity, maybe she is better off staying away from here, I can’t deal with that anymore, I am battle weary. I have tried counseling for her to no avail. I don’t know if I’m wrong for feeling this way, but she has made it clear that she doesn’t want me to have contact with her. I was sending messages and dropping off packages for her but she told me to stop. I have not seen her in 6 months but she wants to see her little brother so she recently called and said she’d come by next week (to see him, she doesn’t care about her sister or myself or stepdad). I am getting through this by God’s grace, it has been very discouraging. Any advice would be appreciated. She is graduating in the spring, going out of state for college and I feel that I will likely never see her again.

By Stephanie

November 19, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Lynn - How does one go about amending the child support order for $1500? Did you have to pay any other legal fees?

By GW

November 19, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Children older than 10 need to know that, sure, if the other parent is agreeable, they can go, but they need to know that this is no revolving door situation, I believe that’s better for all parties involved. Children will use a situation such as this to there advantage.

By JulesBatman

November 19, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Another good link with references to this is: www.gafamilylawreform.org

And yes the laws for the age of majority did recently change in Georgia. It is no longer completely a child’s decision at 14 as to where to live. This decision was made to keep kids from being able to jump back and forth based on new car offers among other bribes.

By Uru

November 19, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

This happened to my uncle. At 15, his son decided he wanted to live with his mother because she was less strict, so the mother got an attorney for her son. Her own attorney warned her that her son would be at a much higher probability of getting into trouble, but she pursued it anyway. The son soon found out his mother really needed the extra icome from child support because she was a horrible money manager. He moved from a 4 bedroom house occupied by only him and his father, to a two bedroom apartment and he had to share a room with a teenaged cousin. He ended up having to work at a fast food job to help his mother make ends meet, even though his mother makes more money than his father. The son was in trouble with the law and facing possible jail time just one year after moving in with the mother. He is now 18 and we are hoping that he will graduate high school.

By KDF

November 19, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

To Mr. Nice Guy,

What are you going to do when your wife starts “holding it together” with your best friend? That HUBRIS you’re exemplifying will surely catch up with you one day. Remember the Greek myth of Icarus and Daedalus???

By KDF

November 19, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

To LT,

Let it run its course. The more you “harrass” her, the more she’ll run. Leave her alone and concentrate on your husband and other two children.

By a step mom

November 19, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

Thank you to all of the divorced parents out there looking out for thier child not their wallets and what their friends will think. My husband’s daughter would like to live with us beacuse she is missing out on any semblance of a family and craves structure.Her mom would never consider it because she would lose child support and her country club/private school crowd might be let in on the secret that she is not a great mom. Everything is a fight and we just want to raise our girl and stop fighting. TOo bad not all people over the age of 40 can be adults.

By JJ

November 19, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

If you change custody, be sure to CYA with child support also.

When I was married, before I had my child, my husband’s daughter came to live with us for three months. Her mom needed time to move, and work overtime so she could provide a better home for the daughter. She told my husband, that since the child was living with us and we were paying ALL expenses, that he did not have to pay child support while we had her. Well, after three months, she came and got the child, and three months after that, she came after him for child support, and even had my husband thrown in jail for not paying. Verbal agreements mean nothing to the courts.

Protect yourself.

By Justin

November 19, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

Part of the reason some mothers don’t want the children to live with the father is that they lose the child support and will in turn have to pay child support.

It is sad that although the guidelines have changed, non-custodial parents still can’t go back to have their child support redone due to the high costs of lawyer fees and judges who still don’t want to abide by the current law that looks at the income of both parents. The judges find a way to slide additional costs back into the child support. In this economy, custodial parents should realize that non-custodial parents are losing jobs and the custodial parents will have to adjust or not receive anything at all. Then, the non-custodial parent may go to jail because they can’t make the court issued payments and the courts won’t let them change it to reflect current circumstances. In an intact family, if a person loses their job, the family cuts back. However, it is different in a divorce situation. It should be the same because it is a financial strain on the non-custodial parent who loses a job.

By lynn

November 19, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Stephanie - all divorce lawyers are familiar with it. If the child is 14, there is no custody battle/issue, only child support changes. Just contact your lawyer and he’ll do all the leg work for that rate. If he’s more than that, contact another lawyer. It’s really quite a simple process and took us maybe 2 mins in front of the judge.

By lynn

November 19, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

Justin - that applies to fathers too. The only reason for him not wanting my daughter to live with me was because he’d lose that money every month. And Jules, all judges side with childs wishes if they are 14, law or no law.

By LT

November 19, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

To KDF, thanks for your advice, that’s probably the wisest thing to do. You never think a child will turn on you in such a way after leaving work to stay home for the kids, doing 4-H, soccer, ballet, one-on-one time with each child, community service together, church, etc. It has felt like a child has died, in a way. I will do as you suggest though and focus all my energy on the rest of the family, they too have been hurting bec. of this. Good luck to all parents going through this, parenting sure isn’t for sissies. :-)

By Jules

November 19, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Be very careful here. Sometimes a child will express “wishes” that are strongly encouraged/pushed by the non-custodial parent. Children over 10 are smart enough to manipulate their parents, but are not experienced enough to determine what is best for them. In fact, major research of brain development proves that part of the human brain that is responsible for long-term decision making is not even completely formed until a person is in their early 20’s- therefore all teenagers are UNABLE to determine where is best for them to live. even the most mature or responsible child cannot fully comprehend their decisions due to biology. Parents MUST make the decisions, not the child.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 19, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

This is better than watching live circus or freak show!

50% of us are mature, responsible and don’t get divorced and write these incredible things on a blog. You people should be shamed by the life you lead and the harm you have caused. When did getting divorced and messing with your child’s life ever become above rebuke?

By Ann

November 19, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

The problems seem to arise most frequently in the teen years. When a teen lives with both parents and an issue arises it has to be worked out in that family. Too often in divorced families I see the teen playing the parents off of each other by threatening or actually moving in with the other parent.

I cannot imagine what I would do if a child could play that card with me.

I have watched friends go through the revolving door of children changing their minds with sad results. I think courts should think hard before allowing a change based on a child’s wishes. There needs to be proof that there is a problem in the custodial parent’s home.

By Jules

November 19, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

So how does a parent best decide for their child? Evaluate the quality of education, housing, community resources, etc. that would permit a child to succeed. Be very careful with the “happy homelife” theme, because most biological mothers trash the second wives/step mothers whenever possible-that’s why it’s a cliche’. Additionally, children know how to manipulate parents and enjoy the attention they receive from biological mom when they “tattle” on step mom. Try your very best to remove your personal motives and focus on the overall well-being of the child. Children do need their fathers and their mothers to be very involved in their lives, but also to be in charge and making the decisions for them instead of allowing the child to run the household. Avoid bribes (such as “you can do whatever you want and be an individual with me, unlike at the other house”, or “I’ll buy you a car”) and avoid any derogatory remarks about the adults involved. Good luck to you and your child.

By momof1

November 19, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

To all, don’t even respond to Mr.NiceGuy. He is obviously a wack job trying to get a rise out of any and everybody he can as evidenced by the several posts he made saying the same thing that no one replied to. He’s lonely because wifey is spending all her free time with his best friend.

By lakerat

November 19, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

My children all emancipated themselves from me because they can’t stand living with me…but I don’t care because, like all of you, I’m so much better than they are.

By Stepdad

November 19, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

My stepson had a hard time living with the rules in our house so when he turned 14 he made the choice to move in with his father. Turns out dad has rules to and when your 16 dad isn’t such a cool guy to hang out with. Now my stepson is stuck in a small town west of here and life isn’t so good. He asks every year to move back home and our answer is very simple. No, you made the choice now you can live with it. Life is all about learning lessons and I believe this one fall under the grass is not always greener.

By K

November 19, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

This is a no-brainer. YOU decide what is best for your child, NOT the child. Consider all the factors involved, make a decision, and stick to it. Do you let your minor child make other major life-altering decisions? No? Then be an adult and act like one.

By That's what I am talkin about

November 19, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

Mr Nice Guy’s wife is already cheating on him. I just met him a few seconds ago, and I can’t stand him. Imagine her life……

By Amanda Stone

November 19, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

I would let your child go live with him. My mother was in the same situation 9 years ago when I was 15. My parents divorced when I was 8. My dad kept telling me about all this stuff he was going to buy me and everything, so he was very convincing. I begged my mom to go, she did not want me to, but she let me any how. Two months later I was calling her begging her to come back. Just give it time. I know that you do not want you child to go,but it may be the best thing. But, if you are having doubts, DO NOT LET YOUR child go. My son is 2 1/2, his birth father is very un-fit and not father material at all, so I would never let him go live with him, I do not even let him see him. But if your child’s father wants to be apart of his life and is caring and concerned for the well being of your child, then you should have no problem.

By bigred

November 19, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

My only advise is whatever you do,get it in writing and with the courts blessing!I have a friend,who agreed to let both of his sons come live with him when they turned 14 and wanted to.Both parents agreed verbally and thing were fine until she bribed one to come back by saying she would buy him a car.Guess how she purchased the car?By going back to court and claiming he had not paid support for over two years.She planned this ambush,plain and simple.ALSO,for the sake of both the child and parent,make sure she pays support to him if she no longer is the primary caregiver.T** FOR TAT!Don’t give her a pass on this!

By ATL Dad

November 19, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

TO LT Sounds like you didn’t want the daughter to go (as your daughter wanted) until she became more than you could handle; you sent her to her father out of convenience and not to respect the wishes of your pre-teen. My daughter’s mom is acting the same way now. So much so that she moved to the west coast increasing the difficulty involved in trying to share parenting roles. Be careful, there are fine lines and each situation differs. In the end you want what is best for your child and sometimes, as others have posted, we have to place our own wants/ needs second to our child’s. It doesn’t sound like ‘LT’ place her child’s need first and now there may be mental damage and resentment that will have to be realized, addressed, and forgiven. Good luck!

By LM

November 19, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy a/k/a Mr. I like to judge!

So tell me how to make all the right decisions in life, how to choose a mate that will be our partner for life. You seem to think the posters here had all the control in their marriage, however you seem to forget that sometimes things are out of our control, that our partner for whatever reason cannot stay our partner. We can’t force/entice them to stay. Sometimes it is not safe for them to stay in our lives, so what is the answer Mr. Fountain of Wisdom you seem to have all the answers.

You seem to have forgotten the saying “there but for the grace of God go I”“. It may be me that is a divorced single parent, but it could have been you. You might try to learn some humility.

By Stepmom

November 19, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

As far as child support, the parent paying can go to the courthouse and file a motion for a decrease based on lower income, having another child, etc. There is no charge to to that. They will set a date and both parents come back to court. And yes, with the kids switching custody the child support can/will too.

By Lisa

November 19, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Went through this last year! My daughter turned 14 & her biological father decided to come into play. He had pretty much been out of her life for the past 5 yrs with my 2nd marriage - and had NOT consistently paid child support. Once my 2nd marriage fell apart - he starting coming around (somewhat) & convinced her that he was Mr. FUN (no rules, etc.) - I have spent $20k in legal fees, several days in court - trying to prove that it was NOT in the best interest of the child - HOWEVER, with GA Law - UNLESS the other parent is proven on DRUGS, Living under a bridge - it GIVES The right to the CHILD @ 14 & by the age of 15 I had lost - He had promised her a CORVETTE & a Jeep + Much more - WHICH by the age of 16 SHE HAS RECEIVED - just in order to turn around the settlement & PAY HIM CHILD Support. He is of retirement age - has basically no rules for her - but she’s blinded by all the bling-bling & rarely sees ME - although I raised her pretty much on my own her 1st 10 yrs in life. If I had to fight (morally) again - I WOULD - I’m very concerned about this Law - and I believe it is WAY too much power to give to a child so Young!

By Active Duty Mom

November 19, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

Three points:

Granted, sometimes divorce is the only way out, especially if it is a case of adultery, addiction, or abuse. That being said,

By Lisa

November 19, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

DUTY Mom The Judge will have the final say - HOWEVER, his final Say - is “Sorry MS/or MR - The law says THEY CAN DECIDE WHERE - & His hands were tied” - He saw where I was coming from!

By Sugar

November 19, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Why doesn’t the mom in this article just send the kid to dad’s for the summer? Why make a big legal case out of it and incur astronomical fees?

Just let the kid go for the summer and see how it goes. Fathers have rights too and are be entitled to see their children.

Try it for the summer.

By Stepmom

November 19, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

I personally would not let my child move just b/c they say they want to go. It’s not going to be b/c they are not getting their way or something simplistic as that. Do you feel the father would provide stability? Has he been a good father? How is he with discipline? There are a lot of things to consider. Your child didn’t just wake up one day and say I want to go live with my dad. Find out why your child feels that way. I am not against a child living with the opposite parent at all but I don’t think it should be done for convenience for the child or your part. Maybe both parents need to sit down with the child and discuss the situation. Kids need to feel they can express themselves without being scolded or judged. No, don’t let your kids swear you out but listen to their feelings.

By Couvade

November 19, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

Why would this decision be left up to the children? We don’t let them make other major decisions. If they complain tell them,”In four years you will be able to make ALL the decisions.” How heart-wrenching it must be for a child to be put in a position to have that kind of responsiblity so young.

By mermaid

November 19, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this

I agree with Jules’ comment “Sometimes a child will express “wishes” that are strongly encouraged/pushed by the non-custodial parent. Children over 10 are smart enough to manipulate their parents, but are not experienced enough to determine what is best for them.” The touchy part of this particular situation is whether either of the parents are involved in PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome). As a mother of two teenagers, I have dealt with this trauma for over ten years. My ex and his wife are more interested in proving that I am not a good person to my kids than in trying to work together to determine what is best for our kids. My kids now live with my ex and his wife and it makes my relationship with my kids very difficult. Fortunately, most parents do not have to deal with this situation. Children under the age of 10 are very susceptible to being “programmed” to anything idea a parent tells them. As the child gets older, these ideas stay with the child, even over the age of 10 if the child is in a situation where he/she is constantly influenced by the same type of subterfuge. But that situation is a whole other thread. If you believe your ex is responsible and has your child’s interests above his own and is willing to still be a parent WITH you to your child, let your child go live with the other parent. The worst thing that could happen is that your child wants to come back to your home. If your child does decide to come back home after living with the other parent, both parents need to sit down together and explain to the child that there are rules to be followed in both homes and running back and forth from one parent to the other will not exempt the child from these rules. As long and you and your ex are willing to work together to raise your child, does it really matter where your child actually resides as long as your child is happy and knows that he/she is loved by both parents?

By Lisa

November 19, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

It wasn’t a choice - she walked out of the house when I wouldn’t let her see an 18 yr old boy & her father took her in - the law would not do anything & then her Father sent the papers saying she wanted to live with him (after years of him being away) & that he was suing me for child support … after he didn’t pay - go figure - it was a pay-back for leaving him 13 yrs prior.

By DonnaLC

November 19, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

Parents should be careful to not make the child feel like he/she has to choose sides and should be sure not to alienate the other parent.

Also remember that in the King Solomon story, the true parent choose to let the baby go rather than split the baby. If this issue is tearing your child in half, you should keep the best interests of the child in mind.

I would say you should acknowledge that the child is in a lousy situation by having to choose one parent over the other in the first place. You can then use this discussion as an opportunity to demonstrate your own maturity as a parent by letting the child discuss their feelings without fear of retaliation from you. You will earn both the respect of your former spouse as well as your child if handled correctly.

If the reasons the child gives are practical and make sense (closer to school, more friends near other parent’s house, work schedules, etc.) and the other parent wants custody, you should do what is best for the child. Your maturity may be recognized by the other parent and you may actually have a better foundation for working together on raising the child in the future.

By Tamika

November 19, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

I just had to poop in and say I told you all Mr. Barack Obama would be PRESIDENT!!!!

Shout out to my new President!!

By lynn

November 19, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy - my girls both told me they wished I had left their dad years earlier and noted how sad it made them to see the unhappiness in our home. You may just be doing your children a disservice as much as I did. Ever think about that?

By JJ

November 19, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this

I just have to say, after reading all these posts, that I am SO thankful my ex is NOT in the picture.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I’ll take the lack of child support any day, than go through something like this!!!

By Jules

November 19, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

Mermaid,

So true. An aside on PAS: Most biological parents, however, believe they are not guilty of PAS, no matter how they behave. PAS can be passive and very destructive. For example, a biological parent who refuses to communicate with a stepparent is commiting PAS passively. The refusal to treat the other adult with dignity demonstrates to the children that this other adult must somehow be “unworthy” of dignified treatment. A parent who truly loved his/her children would set aside his/her feelings and treat the other parent and stepparent with dignity, if only to be a proper role model for his/her children. The adults involved in a custody situation need to communicate clearly and effectively with all parties affected in order to determine the child’s best interests. Sadly, parents who get divorced tend to be the very people who struggle with communicating in a loving and mature manner, hence the divorce.

By lynn

November 19, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

Ann - it’s not entirely based on the childs wishes. The court checks the childs school records, reccomendations from family/friends and a personal interview with the child.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 19, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

50% of all Americans have a great marriage with heathly kids; the other half are “damaged goods”. We have a great marriage and a good kid. When I read these posts and read your responses I realize you’re nuts. Ever try looking at the 50% of people who get it right in marriage and child raising and ask yourself, “What am I doing wrong” rather than self justification. You cannot read these posts about failed marriages, messed up kids and not feel sorry for the kids; you have screwed them up - you and your ex-spouse. There is nothing but shame and dishonor in divorce and you have provided ever lasting warped memories in your children which will self perpetualate for generations.

But I guess me, having a marriage into our second decade and a normal kid… I should be silent and listen to you rant? Please…

By Raoul

November 19, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

Maybe if some of you women would satisfy your men more often then you wouldn’t wind up divorced and your kids wouldn’t be choosing to live with us Dads. Hey…cook a good meal, give us a clean house, bring home a pay check and put on the frilly little thing I had you go buy last week at Victoria’s Secret and it will be all good. Oh, and don’t forget, easy on the starch on my boxer - I have sensitive loins.

By Sabrina

November 19, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

Try this one on for size - my ex husband told me over 14 years ago that my three boys were my kids - i’m the one that wanted them and they were nothing but leg weights to him.. I raised them by myself and done a damn good job if I have to say so myself. He has not paid any child support in 3 or 4 years and it’s not worth my time taking him to court - he will pay for it in the end.. my boys are now 20-18 and 16.. My oldest is in the national guard - my middle one graduated last year and my youngest is in 10th grade and plays basketball.. My oldest one wanted to go stay with his dad back in the day because his dad would let him shack up with girls and his dad would let him drink and the step monster was just as bad… BUT after a few short months my son realized that living with mom was not so bad.. other than a few chores the only think i ask of them was to do good in school and be good to each other.

Thanks for letting me vent

By DekalbMom

November 19, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

This topic really hits close to home for me right now. My 14 yr old daug is threatening to go live with her Dad who lives out of State. I’ll spare everyone the details but suffice to say that he was absent by choice from her life for many years. Tehn, last summer, he decided he wanted to become a more involved parent. More involved in his case has meant showering my daugher with all sorts of “gifts”, for starters, an iphone then later, a laptop computer(I had already provided her with a metropcs phone and a desktop computer). Her grades have taken a nose dive this year mainly because she spends all her time on the phone or on the internet. He’s told her that he will pay for the cellphone as long as she almost always answers his calls, if she doesn’t, he will have it disconnected. Recently, I’ve taken the cellphone and greatly restricted her internet use and told her that she can regain these things when her grades improve. Now her father is trying to lure her into living with him as if it is the land of “milk and honey”. He’s also told her that eventhough he would like for her to do better in school, he vows to not harrass her about it as it her life.

Would it really be responsible parenting for me to allow her to live with him when it’s clear he has his own best interest at heart and not hers?

By Tony

November 19, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Jules,

I agree with your comments about PAS, but I think a lot of PAS is caused by our family laws and the way they make it an adversarial process with a winner take all mentality. Children should not be a prize won at the end of a contest. If we could change the law I feel a great deal of PAS would not happen.

By seth

November 19, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

Mostly when kids want to live with the other parent its because they think the grass is greener. Sometimes it because the kids are smart enough to know that the custodial parent only wants them because of child support or to be hateful to the other parent.

I think all judges should award joint physical and legal custody, unless there is proven abuse, and tell the parents if they can’t work it out the kids can go to foster care. That way there will be no children as pawns.

Mandatory child support should also stop. If the custodial parent can’t afford the child without cs then they shouldn’t have the child.

Get the government our of our lives.

By jct

November 19, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

@ Lisa

I hope this this does not come off as attacking but when I read your posts it seems to be about you.

Your EX, even though out of your daughters life for many years, took her in. She has been his for a few years from the ages that you posted. Even if you hate his rules, it’s his house.

Maybe your relationship with your daughter would improve it you focused on her and not her Dad.

From the anger and frustration that is the emotion behind your post, you obviously care. You spent 10 years giving her a good foundation. Trust that.

She may not see/speak to you as often as you like but give her time. Give her space to be her. Allow her to come back into your life without the judgment. She may just surprise you. Your relationship will get better.

By Tammy

November 19, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

When my now-21 year old son turned 14, he decided he wanted to go live with his dad (about 30 min away) which broke my heart. However, his Dad & I were (and still are) on good terms and I knew Dad would make sure he behaved. We agreed - between ourselves - on ‘new’ child support and visitation guidelines and had my attorney type up and file the form. I think she charged me about $150. Neither of us went to court. We received the approved amendment in the mail a few weeks later. After my son moved, he still came to my house most weekends, unless he had some sports or school activity. When he turned 16 & Dad bought him a car, he came to my house even more. When he was about 19, I asked him what made him want to move. He said it was mainly curiosity. He’d lived with me since he was 4 and wanted to know what life on the other side would be like. Since his Dad & I got along well, we were able to deal with each other and my son’s going back & forth, as if he had 2 homes. He did have some problems at times with both step-parents & sometimes tried to play us against each other but communications between myself & my ex stopped that and it was made clear on all sides that disrespect wouldn’t be allowed. I guess my basic point is that part of parenting a teenager is teaching your child how to make reasonable decisions & then learning yourself how to let him make his decisions and live with the consequences, while he still has the parental safety net to fall back on. The key to the ‘ex’ situation is maturity and communication. (I realize I was fortunate to have a reasonable exhusband which not everyone has. For those of you who don’t, do the best YOU can and leave the rest to God. Even the worst of situations have a way of working out, when humans don’t try to control everything.)

By GaNative

November 19, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

What’s wrong with the child wanting to live with the ex? Did you live and sleep with the ex?

By Couvade

November 19, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

DeKalb Mom, You made my point perfectly. It’s a mistake to assume children know their best interests.

Other Posters, Please stop attacking Mr. Nice Guy. Other than Raoul, he is the funniest poster!

By jg

November 19, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

My children’s father has dodged child support since the mid-90’s….For years my son wanted to go live with his dad - and there was always an excuse from dad - oh i need to paint the room - oh we are getting new carpeting - about 2 more weeks - so my son for an enire school year slacked off because he was going to live with dad…..FINALLY he moved there and EXACTLY one year later they sent him packing back home. It was only then when my son was so crushed did I enforce that child support order…..He is over 60K BEHIND in child support….my son is now 20 and my daughter is almost 18 and at the rate he is going the kids will be in their 40’s by the time he finishes paying…..I let it go for many, many years….but hurt my kid and I am going for the jugular! And no I am not some bitter ex who didnt cook etc…..there were more important things than his family and he chose to leave.

By Smiley

November 19, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

I am a divorced parent. My girls lived with me until the oldest one was 17. We lived in apartment complexes and they did not have the freedom to sit in the yard with their friends without the neighbors complaining. They were not loud or disruptive it was just nosey neighbors (I should add Older neighbors) who had forgotten what it was like to be a teenager and want your friends around. It was a mutual agreement with myself, the girls and their dad. He had the same rules at his house that I had. The difference was that he had a house and they could “hang out” with their friends with no one complaining. I would stop by most any time I wanted to visit and all worked out well. They are grown and married and I don’t think it caused any harm for them to have been able to live with him. Let the child make the decision and in the long run you will have a better relationship.

By Lisa

November 19, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

Thanks JCT - I’ve felt that also - The court went OVER several months - so actually she’s legally been with him 1 year - the frustrating factor in it - is WHAT 16 yr old Girl should be driving an ‘05 convertible corvette, an open jeep & have 4-5 Coach bags when I’m struggling to pay him 20% child support - I did win a settlement - however, with her living with an Alcoholic - who is 45 yrs older than her - I’d give it all back - her being there is NOT in her best interest - as A Mother I KNOW THAT!

By LM

November 19, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy Congratulations on the great marriage, but you still did not answer the question I posed for you, how do guarantee a perfect marriage if the marriage is not healthy?

I have a perfect marriage with my ex-husband now. I love him as the father of my daughter; he is happier in his marriage with his current wife and is a better father because of that marriage.

Yet our marriage was not a good marriage, it was not a safe place for my daughter or me, so is it not better to have gotten the divorce, raise her on my own and give him the time to get healthy and become the father he is now?

You judge without walked in any of the shoes here. Yes I don’t have the bitter feelings toward my ex-husband that some here have, but I can’t sit in judgment on what others have and are going through. And there was a time where I was afraid for my safety and our daughter’s safety. He did show up as the house trying to kill me. But that was before he got treatment and that is why it was not safe to be in the marriage with him.

And we will see in the end how all this effects my daughter, will she grow up to be a confident woman because her mother made some hard choices? And you might have a “normal kid”, but your “normal kid” might not be a “normal adult”. You might want to think about your definition of “normal”

By SS

November 19, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

I say you’re late packing their bags.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 19, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Dear LM:

Based on all of your comments:

You and the other 50% just can’t seem to get it together in marrage; just toss out the excuses while your kids get transformed.

By DekalbMom

November 19, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

If the parents and child all mutually decide it’s the best thing then I see no problem with the child going to live with the other parent. My issue has to do with the “what about the bribes”? Of course, both parents may be guilty of this but it seems that more times than not that it is the “other” parent who is guilty of this.

Lisa -I can certainly relate to what you are saying. I expect that my ex will eventually buy that expensive convertible for our daughter as well, especially if she decides to live with him. I just worry about the values that are being taught to children in these situations.

By LM

November 19, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy

Your too funny. Thank you for making my day.

By Raoul

November 19, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

And beer. Bring me a beer and my slippers. And tell the rugrats to quit bothering my while I watch Nascar. And if I burp, don’t chastize me, that is a man’s God given right. And draw me a bath, get out that soft tub brush and do my back. Jeesh, do I have to tell you women everything? Then after you get the kids to bed (all 6 of them), get in the bedroom and let’s play a little “who’s ya Daddy”.

By lynn

November 19, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice guy, (where the hell did you come up with the name) you boast about being in your second decade of marriage, well I made it well into my third decade and my ex considered our marriage one of the best around (like you). He didn’t have a clue how unhappy I was although the kids did. Boy was he surprised and pi$$ed the day I left him. Be vewwy vewwy careful mr nice guy with your smug attitude and judgement. You have no idea how your wife may truely feel and will surely in up a lonely miserable man like my ex should she get the nerve to move onto better things in life.

By pthree

November 19, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy sounds like my father. My parents have been married for 54 yrs and my father always brags to everyone about his successful marriage. However, if you talk to my mother, it’s a totally different story. As a former military wife with 6 kids, my mom never worked outside of the home. Trust me, just because people stay married, doesn’t mean they are happily married. (Maybe someone should ask Mr. NiceGuy’s wife how she feels.) Not all married households are the best places to raise a child. As for the topic, it’s not uncommon for kids to think the grass will be greener on the other side. In some cases, it might be. I think it’s a decision that must be made considering a lot of different factors. I remember the case in Henry Cnty several years ago where the young girl begged her relatives to let her go live with her father after her mother died. The father and the stepmother beat the child to death and left her body in the garage until the neighbors complained about the smell. And while the child can express their desires, it should be up to the adults (& the judge) to make the final decision.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 19, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

Hi Lynn,

Good for you, another failed marriage. I would be since you waiting for over 30 years to leave him (which you brag about, my o my) - you more than likely waited in order to clean him out financially!

Just an observation: you tell you kids about your bad marriage but yet your husband didn’t have a clue. Hmmmm… what’s wrong with that picture? But you cleaned him out for half, right?

A character flaw is divorce and you got it, tootsie!

By Jules

November 19, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy- you are too funny!

Tony- you are right on, and that’s why the 14 year old election law needs to be eliminated completed. Let parents be parents instead of bidders in an auction.

Tammy-good for you! You placed your child’s interests at heart.

DekalbMom- you are in a tough situation that few outsiders could understand. My heart goes out to you and your child.

Seth- How’s that Kool-Aid?

GaNative- Your questions were answered in the dialogue that you apparently didn’t read. Try contributing TO the conversation.

By Happily single

November 19, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

Hey Mr. (Not so) Nice Guy - Why do you blame the woman for chosing a bad man? I believe the bad man chose me, and didn’t show his true colors until 3 years into the marriage and one child.

Then he ran away. He started a new family. Didn’t care for the old family, so he went and got another one. Then that wife threw him out, and guess what, he started YET another family. This WONDERFULLY PERFECT man who chooses awful women has left a trail of single moms, and kids without their father.

For some reason I don’t think we were all STUPID to marry this guy. Maybe there should be some sort of registry where we can put our ex-husband’s name and details, so other stupid women won’t choose Mr. Wonderful.

So let’s not blame the woman for a rotten man.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 19, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

Let’s paraphrase the Mom’s today:

“Oh, boo-hoo, I married a turkey and he did all these bad things to me…. boo hoo (tears please)

• self justification

• no reponsibility for your own actions

• twisting your logic regarding your kids as “well, iits better than being with that JERK who did all these bad things to us”

• more boo-hoos

• very, very funny stories about how messed up and twisted you and your families are!

But I bet you vote Republican because of “family values”??? He he….

By regina

November 19, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

momtoAlex&Max - you are wrong. I am a divorce lawyer, so I see this happen all the time. One parent promises a car - the child goes to live with the other parent, who had no idea what it was like to actually raise the child on a daily basis. It does not usually end up well. No child can pick the parent they want to live with. They can express an opinion over the age of 11, but the court has to determine what is in their best interest. Most 14 year olds are not mature enough to know what is in their best interest.

By lynn

November 19, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

Mr nice guy - that’s too funny. I paid him $650 a mth child support, gave him the house and left his 401k alone. Trust me, it was worth it just to get out :) I have always pulled more than my weight financially in both my previous marriage and my present marriage. And as far as the kids, nah, I didn’t even have to tell them. They were much smarter than him and weren’t wearing the blinders he was. Why do you supppose I was so unhappy?Maybe you should ask your child how your wife feels. May just surprise you.

By Rob

November 19, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

Is this really an article? That’s the reason so many kids have no respect for parents. The parents pull them into all of their issues. Both parents need to be able to put their own differences aside and decide if living with the other parent (whether the ex-husband or ex-wife) is the right thing. Once that’s settled, then you can decide on if the kid will get his/her wish.

By lc

November 19, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

My 16 yo old son lives with me out of state and his father does not pay child support. Never really has. I have begged my son to go live with his dad but he refuses saying he can’t possibly leave me. Well, I can handle things OK since I am married, employed etc. Like many moms and dads, I could use a break from the teenage angst that his biological dad could provide but he can’t so I am the only one, always.

By Couvade

November 19, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Every situation is different but there are cases where women exercise poor judgment. My sister broke our family’s heart by marrying an abusive man despite our pleas. He has abandoned her and their child and now she struggles. We begged her to stop dating him, use birth control, etc. but she wouldn’t listen. Her situation is tragic but it is a direct result of some very bad choices she made. That’s not everyone’s case but no one is blameless in marriage or divorce including people who stay “happily” married.

By Lisa

November 19, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

Dekalb Mom - I cringe - each time I do see her driving that convertible - it’s a death trap & I have to PRAY each day - she stays safe - I PRAY it doesn’t happen to you … Can we blame a KID/Teenager for loving all the bling-bling & why am I paying him child support to provide her with ALL the name brand/expensive - un-necessary items - what is that teaching her ?

By MC

November 19, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy:

Congrats on the length of your marriage but until you’ve walked in my shoes ease up on the rhetoric of how great you are and how bad we are. And by “walk in my shoes” I mean live with and have a relationship with my ex!!

I will say and have said to my kids that I can spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the pain and heart ache the divorce has caused them and I will never be able to do it. I’m not talking about them being hurt over who’s fault the divorce was but the heart ache of having to adjust to not having one parent around everyday and the distance that a telephone call puts on the relationship when you can’t see them daily.

By Sandy_G

November 19, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

“Let parents be parents instead of bidders in an auction.”

Ah, if only it were that simple! But you see, our court systems believe that one parent should win, one parent should be “primary” and should have final decision-making powers over the other parent and that this is somehow good for the child. Problem is, it sets up the very scenario we all hate, the all out, full bore, winner-take-all custody fight. You see, being the custodial parent comes with unlimited power over the children and a paycheck every month, tax-free and entitles the winner to the entire income tax deduction on top of that.

Want to end the madness? Want to lower the divorce rate? Make Joint or Shared Custody and joint or shared decision-making power, the starting point in all divorces unless there is proof of family violence or abuse by either parent.

When parents know that they will share decision-making power and custody time with their ex-spouse and they will be required to be adults and work together as co-parents, sharing the responsibility both physical and financial, then you will see a lot fewer divorces and a lot fewer “broken” children.

By CaSandra

November 19, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

At age 11, they can express who they want to live with, but at 14 they have the right to choose although best standards etc apply. See 19-9-3: “The child’s selection for purposes of custody shall be presumptive unless the parent so selected is determined not to be in the best interests of the child. The parental selection by a child who has reached the age of 14 may, in and of itself, constitute a material change of condition or circumstance in any action seeking a modification or change in the custody of that child; provided, however, that such selection may only be made once within a period of two years from the date of the previous selection and the best interests of the child standard shall apply.”

I agree, a 14 year old is not mature enough, but then again…sometimes parents aren’t mature enough to have a clue either.

By nurse&mother

November 19, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

Lynn-why did you wait 30 years to leave? Why is it that only the kids knew this? Please forgive me if I failed to read something(I haven’t read all the posts today). I think a spouse owes it to the other one if he/she is unhappy. Did he just not know what he was doing wrong?

By Raoul

November 19, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

Hey….what about the hot tub, some cheap champagne, some Johnny Mathis tunes and your best friend coming on over, honey. Come on…make yo man HAPPY! Whoo hoo!

By Bubba

November 19, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

Regina, Two statutes apply and you only listed one. here is the other. O.C.G.A. § 19-9-3 (5) In all custody cases in which the child has reached the age of 14 years, the child shall have the right to select the parent with whom he or she desires to live. The child’s selection for purposes of custody shall be presumptive unless the parent so selected is determined not to be in the best interests of the child. The parental selection by a child who has reached the age of 14 may, in and of itself, constitute a material change of condition or circumstance in any action seeking a modification or change in the custody of that child; provided, however, that such selection may only be made once within a period of two years from the date of the previous selection and the best interests of the child standard shall apply.

By Tony

November 19, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

Sandy G, you are absolutely right. Change the law and the divorce rate will fall. Even if it does not, children will benefit by being able to spend substantial time with both parents.

By CaSandra

November 19, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Bubba, that;s what i just posted copy cat. :)

The new law went into effect this year.

By Jules

November 19, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

Sandy_G, You have an excellent point. Parenting isn’t simple and neither is communication, which is why these folks are divorced in the first place. Joint custody can be difficult for parents who couldn’t agree to stay married- so like you said, it’s not that simple.

Besides, splitting the child’s physical time with the parents by two turns the child into a pawn instead of a person. Both parents feel they’ve “won”, but the child is now just chattel like furniture.

CaSandra, thanks for the clarification. And you’re right, the kids aren’t mature enough to make custody decisions, and the parents often aren’t either. If both of the parents were mature to begin with, there probably wouldn’t have been a divorce in the first place.

By Raoul

November 19, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

How about tomorrow we talk about what to do if your kids want to move in with Michael Jackson…..

By lynn

November 19, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

Nurse - it was 23 yrs. and I was only 15 when we married (not pregnant). I was just letting mr. ng know that I was into the 3rd decade with 20-30 being the 3rd and he took it as over 30. You would have to know him (my ex)to understand why I left. All our friends couldn’t understand why I tried so hard or even married him, so that should tell you something. I say “our” friends but he never really had any. Just the kinda guy that doesn’t like people you could say, still doesn’t. My kids knew because it was so obvious. He was very content in his life and we all walked on eggshells.

By Raoul

November 19, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

Ha Ha Ha. I just re-read Mr. Nice Guy’s posting. He said you ladies marry “turkeys”. What is the attraction? The wobbly way they walk or that gobble, gobble, gobble sound? Or maybe that funky thing that hangs down from their neck…now that IS hot!

By DekalbMom

November 19, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Those of you that are in perfect marriages(or think that you are) should count your blessings everyday that it stays that way. You may think your spouse will be with forever and hopefully they will, but people are unpredictable, even those you “think” you know and love.

I do agree that the courts could do a much better job at helping parents to work together instead of against one another to the detriment of their child.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 19, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

NOT ONE WOMAN ADMITS ANYTHING THEY DID WRONG IN THEIR MARRIAGE ON THIS BLOG! THOSE DARN MEN!!!

By lynn

November 19, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

Well let me be the first then, I was WRONG for staying 23 years with an idiot.

By Brydie

November 19, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

lynn: What a w*******. How was you’re husband supposed to help if you didn’t tell him how you felt? Was he supposed to divine it? Great for you, without even giving the guy a chance to make things better, you destroyed his life, but at least you’re happy. Of course, I’m surprised he was so happy if you were always such a tw@t.

By jct

November 19, 2008 5:12 PM | Link to this

@DeKalbMom

Why is it the courts responsiblity to help parents work together?

Why is this not a responsibility that is part of the your spiritual center, your own parents, or pre-marital classes.

I am not saying you should not communicate but waiting until the divorce is too late in the game. We must take responsibility PRIOR to taking marriage vows so that if the marriage ends you already have those coping skills.

Please don’t take this that I have a perfect marriage. I try to work at it daily. Some days are better than others, however, each day I work at communicating more honestly and lovingly. If we should part in the future, than I hope to continue to be communicate well.

Even though I am a step parent, I am the only other parent that he knows. I don’t want to lose that relationship (he was a single parent aadoption; we did not get together until he was 11).

By Tony

November 19, 2008 5:26 PM | Link to this

jct

“Why is it the courts responsibility to help parents work together?”

It is not the courts responsibility. It is the courts responsibility to make sure the child’s best interest is protected in a divorce. Is it in the CBI for the parents not to communicate? Is it in the CBI for the lawyers to promote adversarial confrontation and a winner take all methodology? How can it possible be in the CBI for a judge to decide that the child will live and have decisions made for them by only one parent that because of the system is p** off at the other parent?

By momtoAlex&Max

November 19, 2008 5:41 PM | Link to this

Oh please Mr not nice guy. You make it sound as if having a successful marriage makes you superior to anyone else. It does not.

Get off your flipping high horse!

And no, I am not divorced. I have a good marriage, but it does not make me better than anyone else.

By lynn

November 19, 2008 5:54 PM | Link to this

Byrdie, your an idiot and have no clue about my life so act a bird and STFU.

By motherjanegoose

November 20, 2008 7:52 AM | Link to this

I have NO expertise here but wanted to share with dekalb MOM that if her ex husband is dumb enough to think that grades do not matter and will let the child make her own decisions at 14, then you need to write this out and let him sign it

Ga students with a B average can receive the HOPE scholarship for attending a college in Ga ( translation $20,000 or so for 4 years). If you want our daughter to live with you ( out of state) and you will not be on her case to make good grades ( hence little scholarship chances), then you will be responsible for her college tuition and/or if she decides to just take a few years and find herself…you will sustain her financially….even though she will be 18…she will not come back to stay with me.

To me, if any child has a responsible parent that lives in GA, they would be NUTS to live somewhere else and lose that college funding. I am repeating that the parent here must be responsible and interested in the child.

I am much stricter with my kids than their Dad, so I know this could be a problem and thankfully we all live together at his point ( except our son at college).
My heart goes out to you folks who are fighting this battle…I cannot imagine it…

Being a parent with a vision is not an easy row to hoe….BUT when your 21 year old comes home and says… YOU WERE RIGHT MOM…that is a hallelujah day!!!!

Off to the children!

By DekalbMom

November 20, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

MotherJaneGoose- Thanks for your suggestion. I am somewhat thankful that the law has changed where the 14yr olds wishes are not all that is needed for a custody change and that the Judge has final authority.

By Becky

November 20, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Mr.Nice Guy, congrats on having a great marriage..No one has a perfect marriage, but lots of people have good marriages..My ex told me as he was walking out the door that I wasn’t trashy enough for him, so guess I was doing something wrong. Of course since our divorce, he’s been married 4 more times..

I would let my child go with the the other parent if they wanted to..If it’s not right, they’ll learn..

By JJ

November 20, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Becky Do we have the same ex husband? Wouldn’t that be a hoot?

By RobbieC

November 20, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

I’ve always found it both irritating and amusing that moms (and courts) think that they have more rights and are, by nature, a better parent than their former husband.

Each parent contributed 50% of their genes and each has an equal right to them. Physical custody is simply a practicle solution to a impractical situation. Being given physical custody does not mean that you are a better parent.

Both contributed

By Olivia

November 20, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy. My first marriage was when I was 19. Was that my mistake? Yes, I was too young and the guy I married drank too much (knew that when I married him). I accepted that since it was just him and I and we actually partied together. Then we decided to have a child. WE decided to have a child. So we did. I stopped partying permanently. He kept drinking and it actually increased. I begged him to slow down. We were on a tight budget. He only gave me a certain amount for food but there was always money for beer and for him to go to strip clubs. (again, something I was ok with before our child came along). I found myself begging for money to buy clothes for our daughter. He said we didn’t have money. And then he came home with season tickets to the Georgia Tech games. Is this my fault? Yes it is. Because I didn’t see him for what he really was and I thought he would change. Totally my fault. I took our daughter and left him. I felt like I had no options left because our daughter would suffer in some way sooner or later. He paid his child support regularly but barely saw her. Is that my fault. No. I didn’t move out of state. He was 30 miles away and chose to not exercise his visitation. So….if you are looking for somebody who blames HERSELF for a divorce. Here I am…..and I am standing up awaiting your judgement, respectfully.

By Mr. Nice Guy

November 20, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

Olivia - statistics show that anyone who gets married at age 19 is probably going to fail at marriage. Having a child young and not being financially prepared is another statistical area of predominat failure.

That is the root of your problem; the choices you have made and the statistics to back it up. Now your child grows up and is exposed to this environment of a father who is MIA; if you have a daughter this statistically leads them to seek male comfort early, to fill an emotional void created by you and your ex-husband’s bad decisions.

By Olivia

November 20, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

Agreed. And if I could undo any of it I would. Instead, I just hope to be able to use myself and my poor judgement as an example to my daughter of what not to do and why. I hope that it will be enough (plus all the therapy I have had her in at my choice). I fully understand the emotional void part of your response. Because I believe if I had received more attention from my own father (parents are still together), then maybe I would not have been so quick to fill that void. But at 18 and 19, I was ill prepared to recognize a it for what it was. Am I “blaming” my father (another man), no. What point is there in that. I will simply do the best I can to help my daughter not make mistakes and to forgive myself for my bad judgement. Because while I see the merit of what you are saying above….I am sure you have made wrong decisions in your life too. And maybe we all should not be so quick to judge others.

By Olivia

November 20, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy -

I just re-read what you wrote. It is interesting that you took everything I admitted and proceded to beat me up with it (not excluding statistics - wow). And yet I did exactly what you accused all the women on this blog of NOT doing. Which is taking responsiblity for their mistakes. By the way, my daughter has grown up very well. She is well adjusted, understands the pitfalls of life and decisions and has actually graduated from the University of Georgia. And this is all because of my efforts to undo whatever contribution I made to the mistake. I thought perhaps you might give me a little credit for being constructive in fixing my mistakes. But I guess, once again, there was a misjudgment on my part. I am sad. I thought you were actually a “Nice Guy” who was just frustrated. Now I think maybe you are just “Mean Guy” who likes to pick people apart because it is so easy to due to the anonymous nature of a blog. I feel sorry for you and your lack of compassion for other people’s circumstances and hope you never make a wrong move in your life that you can be judged for….

By Olivia

November 20, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

Oh…and Mr. Nice Guy.

It is “predominant failure”. Not “predominat failure”. But let’s not judge each other.

By Becky

November 20, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

JJ, I actually went to his first wife’s second wedding..But, no I don’t think that we were..I can say that he’s a wonderful man, just not wonderful to be married to..I know you’ve mentioned that your ex doesn’t pay child support & that is so not my ex, for all of his faults, he always paid his child support..

I will never date, marry or be with any man that has children, that won’t pay child support..With my husband now, his ex was left with a house, car & all credit card bills that were paid in full..One child & still wanted $1200.00 per month child support & all of her utilities paid for one full year after the divorce,so that she could get back on her feet..LOL..

By Raoul

November 20, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

Olivia Why so tense. Sweetie, I have some Budweiser and rub down lotion with your name on it girl. You just come on over and we’ll make it all better. Just ignore Mr. Nice Guy. I’ll be yer Mr. Nice Guy.

By Ms. Nice Lady

November 20, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

All of you ladies need to ignore the rantings of Mr. Nice Guy. He is either a troll or a fool or both. He obviously has no business being on this blog or giving his opinion since he has never had any hardship of any kind or any error in judgement in his entire life. To all you women who were smart enough to get out of something destructive, whether or not you saw it coming, I salute you. To Mr. Nice Guy, I salute you too, but with just a certain part of my hand showing.

By DekalbMom

November 20, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

I’ll take responsibility for the failure of my first marriage as well. My ex was damaged goods when we met, for some strange reason(and poor judgement on my part), I actually thought he would change once we married. Like some of the others, I can only hope that my daughter makes wiser choices than I made when it comes to men.

By Ms. Nice Lady

November 20, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

Dekalb Mom. Admitting your mistake to yourself was the best thing you could ever do. You are probably already coaching your daughter on how to be smart with her life. Best of luck!

By Raoul

November 20, 2008 1:38 PM | Link to this

You men keep making yer women unhappy. More for me. More for me.

By lildancer

November 20, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

1m 16 and i live with my mom. Always had always will until I live for college. My parents were never married. They split when I was six. My parents have joint custody however I stopped seeing my dad when I was 12( the child support stopped coming to). We always argued, he was to controling, and he was starting to get a little to agressive with me. If I was with my dad and got sick I would ask to go home and he would refuse to take me so my mom had to come get me. He even married my step mom on my birthday! I wasnt even invited to the wedding! I wasnt being diffcult. I got good grades, did whatever they asked me to and stayed respectful. I just have a much better relationship with my mom. I would tell parents to first sit down and talk to your kids about the whole situation. My mom always made it my choice if I chose to see my dad or not. I didnt know why my parents split until I was old enough to understand. I respect my mom for letting it be my deccision. She stays pretty netural about it which alot of parents dont seem to do. Just try it out like over the summer. If they chose not to live with the other parent sit down and talk about it and tell them that living with you is final. I love living with my mom and my step dad. Their both very intersted in what I do. My step dad(who I call dad) even came to my advance tap class not to long and took class with me. Sorry Mr.Nice Guy but in this case my dad is the bad guy. Also Pthree the girl your talkign about is Joella Reaves. She and her half brother Rodney were in a couple of my classes at ELMS. She was extremly smart and really nice. I live right by her house and whenever I pass it I think about the day we found out. It was one of the hardest days in my life.

By lildancer

November 20, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

1m 16 and i live with my mom. Always had always will until I live for college. My parents were never married. They split when I was six. My parents have joint custody however I stopped seeing my dad when I was 12( the child support stopped coming to). We always argued, he was to controling, and he was starting to get a little to agressive with me. If I was with my dad and got sick I would ask to go home and he would refuse to take me so my mom had to come get me. He even married my step mom on my birthday! I wasnt even invited to the wedding! I wasnt being diffcult. I got good grades, did whatever they asked me to and stayed respectful. I just have a much better relationship with my mom. I would tell parents to first sit down and talk to your kids about the whole situation. My mom always made it my choice if I chose to see my dad or not. I didnt know why my parents split until I was old enough to understand. I respect my mom for letting it be my deccision. She stays pretty netural about it which alot of parents dont seem to do. Just try it out like over the summer. If they chose not to live with the other parent sit down and talk about it and tell them that living with you is final. I love living with my mom and my step dad. Their both very intersted in what I do. My step dad(who I call dad) even came to my advance tap class not to long and took class with me. Sorry Mr.Nice Guy but in this case my dad is the bad guy. Also Pthree the girl your talkign about is Joella Reaves. She and her half brother Rodney were in a couple of my classes at ELMS. She was extremly smart and really nice. I live right by her house and whenever I pass it I think about the day we found out. It was one of the hardest days in my life.

By Ms. Nice Lady

November 20, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

What sayeth you now Mr. Nice Guy? Maybe you should change your “name”. Maybe the ladies on this blog should gang up and “run you out of town on a rail”. Sounds like great fun and appropriate punishment for a very judgmental, short-sighted person. I wonder what your wife thinks? Are you CERTAIN that she is singing the same tune as you? Maybe she is just keeping quiet and going with your program for fear of your attitude and demeanor. I’d wonder if I were you, Mr. Nice Guy.

By Mrs. Nice Guy

November 20, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Honey is that you! Darn it. I told you that you are not allowed to use the computer when you don’t have a job. Now come out of your room and rake the leaves. Or do something that contributes for a change. Don’t make me confiscate your power cord or have your internet connection turned off. Darn husband!

By nypeach

November 20, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

My daughter, soon to be 14, wanted to go live with her father in another state and I let her. It’s been the sanest two months of my life! It only took three weeks before she was begging to come back home. But her father and I decided that she needs to spend the entire school year there. I am single, work and take classes at night. Her dad, on the other hand, is married and his wife works from home. There is never a time when my daughter is alone to get on the internet or text her friends for hours. She has to share everything with three other siblings and one on the way. She told me she regrets making the move because she didn’t realize how strict her father and stepmother would be. She also didn’t realize that we would form such a united front. Believe me, she has tried mightily to play us against each other. I now GLADLY pay child support to her dad, because there is not enough money in the world to put up with a hormonal teenager. Matter of fact, her dad and stepmom often call me for a pep talk because our daughter is time and a half for anybody. She is more work than all the other kids combined, but we all put our A-Game forward and keep going because it’s all for her benefit. She wants to come home for high school, but her father thinks it is the worst idea. I agree and plan let her stay there for high school. If not, I think this kid will be either pregnant or strung out because she is such a follower. Now, my daughter really regrets moving in with her dad, but we think later she will thank us for standing our ground.

By AshleyH

November 20, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

With our divorce last year, my ex & i decided on joint custody with the kids spending 1 week with one of us then 1 week with the other. Once I met someone else, younger and not as well off (I’m NOT living with this guy or married yet), he got mad & moved the children to a school an hour away from where I live. He was responsible for paying tuition & could do that. I didn’t have the financial ability to drive 500 miles every week to take them to school & school functions - football, twirling and cheerleading all on different days of the week.He knew this and it’s why he did it. In order for my children not to suffer from my inability to care for them the way they were used to, I signed over custody to my ex. It was the worst mistake of my life - I miss my children terribly & he’s brainwashing them to not like me or my boyfriend. Can’t remember having a weekend where my 12 year old son isn’t screaming at me that he hates it at my house and wants to go “home.” Dad lives in a $1million house, has 5 cars and 1300 acres of hunting property - what boy wouldn’t want to be there? The only thing that gives me hope is that his inattentivness to his children - not knowing their medical history, friends, teachers, milestones, etc, will bring them back to the mother that loved them and was their only CARE provider for their 10 & 12 years. He may have paid the bills but I was the one who was puked on, pooped on, been to every school function, teacher conference while he was all over creation hunting and doing his thing. I’m not bitter, his money provided a nice lifestyle that I’m glad I don’t have to keep up with now. I just hope my kids don’t grow up thinking that every kid goes on $25,000 hunting trips and has a 22 year old girl to make their beds & clean up after them and cook for them since their dad can’t even cook a frozen pizza. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have let him take them so easily. I’m waiting for the day that my daughter to tell him that she wants to move back to her mother - and that day is coming SOON!

By Martha

November 20, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

One of my twins wanted to go live with her father after we divorced. I told her sure, but she had to stay at least 2 weeks. After 2 weeks, she could come home if she wanted. BUT, if she came home, the next time she went, she would have to stay permanently. She was home in 4 days and never mentioned it again.

By Mrs. Nice Guy

November 20, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

I have to go now. It is time for me to go home and make sure that my husband, Mr. Nice Guy, did the dishes, cleaned the house, got dinner ready, bathed the dog, got our PERFECT little darlings (thanks for him) homework done. That is what happens when you are an unemployed man. Makes him kind of testy too. I was surprised at his posting. OH well….got to go whip him into shape. Nighty Night.

By joe

November 20, 2008 4:43 PM | Link to this

Mr. Nice Guy (NOT), grow up. You, sir, are an idiot.

By North

November 20, 2008 7:06 PM | Link to this

I would agree that it’s fine if the child live with the other parent as long as the child commits to an extended stay and is not bouncing back and forth, and as long as the other parent is fit. Sometimes, the fun parent is also a bad parent—an alcoholic or addict—or has a spouse/lover who treats the child badly.

By Robin

November 21, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

Hello,

I would really like to e-mail, discuss, blog, etc., with those of you who have experienced PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME.

My husband has been crushed by his ex- and the way his beloved daughters have been brainwashed by PAS.

Also, his income has decreased, and we have a child now. So can his child support obligation decrease? Also, 1 of his daughters is now 18 and has finished high school - does he still have to pay the same amount for the other 2? HELP Please!

We are going without food, while they are getting pedicures and highlights.

my e-mail is robin4cats@yahoo.com

Thank you

By NikkisDad

November 21, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Children have a fundamental and inalienable right to the love and care of BOTH parents. How sad that some divorced parents are so bitter that they hate their ex more than they love their children.

My daughter moved in with me on Father’s Day weekend this year and things have been just fine ever since. And yes, I work all day at a demanding job, come home, fix dinner and still find the time to help her with her homework.

How sad that so many women demand to be treated as equals in the workplace and are either unable or unwilling to treat men as equals when it comes to caring for children. What is even more sad is how our so-called “family courts” still seem to suffer from the same problem.

By DonnaLC

November 21, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Robin:

PAAO (Parental Alienation Awareness Organization) has a website and would like to hear from you.

www.paawareness.org

They also have a LinkedIn group and may be forming a local support group in the near future.

By Mandy

November 21, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

Hi, like many of you, I have a child who wants to go and live with his father. I have three children a son 9 and a daughter 7 from my first marriage and a 3 month old with my current husband. I also have a 9 year old step son. I have been remarried for a year (divorced for 5) and my son does not yet accept my new marriage. My husband and son do not get along and this creates a lot of tension, not to mention arguments between my son and myself and me and my husband. Even to the point where we have considered getting a divorce. There are also jealousy issues between my son and step son. I know allowing my son to go and live with his father would ease tension in our home. My fear though is that our relationship would change and the bond we do have would be broken. Any thoughts?

By Cojo

November 25, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

The problem is not the decision to change households, but the repercussions involved. By that I mean the CP making the child(ren) feel guilty or unwanted if they choose the other parent. Children should not be made to feel unworthy or that one parent is mad at them for making a decision. If the child is given the opportunity to make such a decision then the child should also be given the support to go with it no matter what they choose. Too many parents today are looking at these children as paychecks and a reason to stay home instead of getting a job.

By momsnerves

December 4, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

i live in pa and have a 12 and 13 yr old sons. thier father and i have had shared custody for a little over 6 years. the custody battle was crazy and we all have lots of faults but my boys want to come home and their father refuses to see that. they never adjusted to the shared custody and have pleaded with their dad and his wife that they just want to be with their mother. i dont’ know what to do. how can i convince thier dad he needs to let them go. his wife says im making my sons fatherless, (which is stupid) but all i know is they want that stability and want to come home and he wont let go of them

By tom smothers

December 19, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Some of you b*** need to be put in your places! If your kid wants to live with daddy then let them and if it isn’t what they thought it was going to be then allow them back! Don’t be c** and be like, “see, I told you he was an a*****!” B***, that’s still their father! Hell atleast he’s there for them to try to spend some time with instead of some bums who spread you, bed you and leave your b*** asses!!

By tom smothers

December 19, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

Some of you b*** need to be put in your places! If your kid wants to live with daddy then let them and if it isn’t what they thought it was going to be then allow them back! Don’t be c** and be like, “see, I told you he was an a*****!” B***, that’s still their father! Hell atleast he’s there for them to try to spend some time with instead of some bums who spread you, bed you and leave your b*** asses!!