Home > Health > MOMania > Archives > 2008 > November > 05 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USAre grandparents the next best thing to mom and dad?
A new study shows that grandparent caregivers cut kids’ injury risk in half.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A new study published in “Pediatrics” magazine has found: “When grandparents act as caregivers for children of working parents, the risk of childhood injury is reduced by about half.” Here’s the link to the study.
This U.S. study “challenges the widespread belief that children are more likely to suffer an injury while being cared for by grandparents.”
“Compared to organized day care or care by the mother or other relatives, having a grandmother take care of the children was associated with a decreased risk of injury, said Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health researchers.”
“ ‘Recent growth in the number of grandparents providing child care has some observers concerned they don’t adhere to modern safety practices. To the contrary, this research tells us not only is there no evidence to support this assumption, but families that choose grandparents to care for their children experience fewer child injuries,’ study author Dr. David Bishai, a professor in Bloomberg’s department of population, family and reproductive health, said in a news release.”
A couple of thoughts on this: I trust my parents, especially my mother, beyond anyone to care for my children. When we recently went to New York I didn’t worry about their care at all. (I worried about my baby missing me.) Not only does my mother keep them well fed, clean, and in bed on time, she is also very good at actively playing with all them (sewing with Rose, making monsters with Walsh, and taking care of baby dolls with the baby.) If my mother had been retired when we first had kids and was willing to keep our kids, I might have gone back to work.
However, with that said we did have to encourage her to buy a new crib seven years ago when the first grandbabies came because she still had her crib from when we were babies and the rails on it were too far apart. She didn’t think it was a big deal, but we finally convinced her it was. Also we’ve had a discussion about calling Poison Control. A few years back when Walsh got a hold of some medicine and drank some of it, I immediately called Poison Control and they told me I had an hour to get it out of his system. My mom said she would have watched him for a while and then decided whether she needed to take him in. Well at that point it would have been too late. Now granted, they didn’t have Poison Control when we were little and also he probably would never have gotten the medicine at my mom’s house. I told her when we went to New York if any of the children swallowed anything to call Poison Control immediately.
Did you notice the one line from the article though that says grandparents even do a better job than the mothers at keeping the children safe? I’m not sure what to make of that statement. Is it because statistically they are spending less time with the kids so there are more chances for injury on the parent’s watch?
What do you think: Do you trust your parents above everyone else to care for your children? Who do you trust more — the day care workers or your parents? Do they fight with you about old-fashion safety rules?
Permalink | Comments (49) | Post your comment | Categories: Health
Services »
Comments
By Uh, didn't have poison control...
November 5, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this
…when you were little?!?!?! Gee, in the picture with your kids you sure don’t look to be 60 years old!
By Theresa
November 5, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this
Did they have poison control in the late 60s early 70s? My mom didn’t know about it if they did.
By Sugar
November 5, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this
Is anyone else as depressed as I am that Obama won?
Kiss your money goodbye!!
By My3Kids
November 5, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
My parents watched my oldest when she was born. I never worried…however I was to afraid of my mom to question anything.
Now my mother-in-law is not allowed to watch the baby by herself. She lost those privledges when my middle one was a baby. She can on;y have the baby if she takes the other two. Then I know someone is watching her. I have problems with my husband’s grand mother watching the girls.
Grandparents can be the next best thing, but only if that grandparent is mature enough or even knows what to do with an emergency. And not feed a child everything she is allergic too.
By Patiently Waiting
November 5, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
I must say that I would have trusted my mom more than anyone else but now she is older (mid 70’s) and I know she isn’t as sharp as she used to be. So maybe with my schoolage child but as I am about to have child #1, when she comes to visit, I plan on having her take care of me.
By gpkbsin
November 5, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
yes, i trust my parents with safety of my child. but i don’t trust my parents with disciplining of my child :)
i grew up with my grandparents as my parents were working long hours. i don’t remember being hurt ever.. and i was always running around.
By Jesse's Girl
November 5, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this
Be thankful if you have parents/in-laws who are willing to keep your children. My mother is very interested in the kids’ lives. But she is a raving lunatic and while our kids love her dearly…they called a family meeting a few months back to ask that she not be allowed to babysit anymore. She’s special, my mom:) Jesse’s parents are lovely people…but they couldn’t be more disinterested in the kids if they were dead! They don’t call, they don’t make plans to see the kids…NOTHING. Its a point of contention with me. I want to call them both on the carpet for their lack of involvment. But Jesse says he will when the time is right. Yeah…I don’t see that happeneing. So, being the good , supportive wife…I keep my mouth shut. VERY HARD FOR ME TO DO! Our kids really lost in the grandparent lottery. My brotheres will sit with them….but we don’t often ask. I depend on my BF to watch them when its just for little things. But I return the favor…so its all good. Please….hit your knees in thanks if you have a grandparent support system. We’d trade places if we could.
By DYJ
November 5, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this
I trust my Mom and MIL more than pre-school and our babysitter but only because they are family. The only time I worry is when it’s bedtime. Our daughter can get weepy around bedtime and asks for either me or my husband. The pre-school teacher can get our daughter to eat like no one else - it’s amazing what she will try and eat when she’s there.
By MomsRule
November 5, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this
Yes Sugar. I am!
By HB
November 5, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
Re: the stat about fewer injuries with grandparents than with parents. This makes sense to me, and I can see a lot of reasons for it.
First — experience. It’s hard as a new parent to know how many little things to watch for with little kids, so I could see minor accidents being more common with younger parents. I’d be interested to see if there are stats on 1st kid vs sibling injury counts too — those might show similar patterns of more injuries with less experienced parents. Also, start figuring in teen parents vs grandparents and I’m sure there’s a significant difference in numbre of accidents.
Also, new parents are likely to be more nervous than experienced grandparents, and depending on how the study counts “injury” that can make a big difference. A little bump on the head or a cut that doesn’t quite need stitches may send a young mom or dad to the dr or ER and add to the reported injury count. Grandparents who have tended to many cuts and bruises may not be so quick to seek help.
And last, age could be a factor — a 20-something Dad may roughhouse more with the kids or Mom help them do tricks on the monkeybars, while Grandpa takes them to the zoo and Grandma works with them on craft projects.
By Vicki
November 5, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
Having been brought up, if you can call it that, in foster care (& I use the word ‘care’ loosely!) & never having experienced anything remotely like a family, I wouldn’t be the one to ask
By Numbers Guy
November 5, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this
We have a whole group of grandparents. Wife’s father is divorced and remarried, so while my Dad’s deceased, the boy gets an extra grandmother to take up the slack. All of them are good people who love him to death and want to be involved in his life. They’re also all in-state (father-in-law is within 2 miles) and so he sees them all regularly.
Not only do I trust them, I treasure the fact that he will know them and they will know him. I didn’t get that with all my grands due to geographical distances. The time off for the wife and me doesn’t hurt, either. We got lucky all the way around.
And yes Sugar, I share your opinion. We’re screwed.
By phr
November 5, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this
I trust my Mother & Father more than I trust any other babysitters. We have used their “services” many times. Unfortunately my parents are only in GA about 6 months of the year so we can’t use them as much as we would like to.
We have left our child with the in-laws occaisionally, but I don’t have the same level of trust. It’s usually for shorter periods of time. I do trust the in laws more than a babysitter or daycare.
There’s something to be said for family.
By Mr. Nice Guy
November 5, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this
Hi Sugar - you’ve already kissed your money goodbye in the last 6 weeks! I think the people have spoken and disagree with you and your other drones…. Baaah…
By b
November 5, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this
It is age dependent. When my oldest was a baby I would have trusted my mother and MIL, but they were both in their late 50’s. We always lived very far away so we only saw them once or twice a year anyway. My sister always had my mother take her kids but they are 10-12 years older than my oldest, and they lived close. I have had my dad stay with my kids, but my oldest could drive by then and they just needed an adult presence while I was gone. As your parents age so to does their ability to handle young children.
By Mil mom
November 5, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this
Unfortunatly, being in the military, we don’t often get to see my dad and his mom. However when we do, I trust my dad more than my husband to watch the baby. Now my dad has raised 6 kids practically by himself, but he’s a little out of touch on the modern do’s and don’ts with kids, though we agree most of the time on child raising. I also trust if i ask my dad not to let the baby have or do something, he’ll respect my wishes and not do, or if he thinks there’s a possibility that I won’t like something he’ll call me up and ask. My MIL on the other hand, while perfectly competent to watch a child, is a lil more up to date on modern child care (she’s 10 years younger than my dad) I do not trust her not to do something I specifically ask her not to (ie: dipping the baby’s pacifier in Mountain Dew, or feeding her banana’s despite the fact it upsets the baby’s tummy). There was an occasion when the baby started teething, my father tried to let her suck on a pork chop bone (did I mention he’s a lil old school, his oldest is 36 the youngest is 15). But when i saw what was happening, I said I prefer if he didn’t, and he said ok its you kid, your rules. Another big difference in my father and MIL is my father does not critize my parenting decsions, he will give his advice if i ask, or if he feels differently, but he respects my choices and does not argue with me nor go behind my back to do things. My MIL on the other hand will critize me in front of any one, will sometimes say that I’m not be a good parent for this or that(usually trivial things) and she will deliberatly go against my wishes as soon as my back is turned, and then try to lie about it later and say she didn’t know. Overall tho, i trust both will keep my baby safe, and be good to her (My dad usuallys spends the most time with her when we visit, so it isn’t a major issue yet. I’m sure when my divorce is final my MIL will behave better so not to risk me keeping her grandbaby away) As far as most commercial daycare centers go, i hate them. They usually have more kids running around than what the staff can really handle, not to mention all the germ s that run rampant in those places. I won’t use one unless I absolutly have, but that hasn’t been a problem yet.
By DM
November 5, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
I am a grandmother and I can tell you why my grandkids are less likely to be injured in my care - I actually spend time PAYING ATTENTION to what they’re doing, unlike their mothers or my husband. They aren’t likely to get into things that would hurt them because I keep track of where they are in the house. My husband falls asleep way too easily to have children left in his care. And while I love my grandchildren dearly, I don’t always like having to be available to “be used” as a babysitter. I have a life of my own and it does NOT always revolve around my kids & grandkids. There’s a time and place for everything.
By DecaturMom
November 5, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
Like any other caregiver, it depends on the person. My mother-in-law has no interest or inclination in watching my sweet daughter. Never has. The only time we tried it, we arrived home at 11:30 pm to find my daughter - three years old at the time - awake and watching TV in the Den, and my Mother in Law fast asleep on the couch!
My parents are excellent caregivers, but alas, they live in NY and visit just two or three times a year.
By MeeMaw
November 5, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this
Its sad that most of you don’t trust your in-laws, but you married the man they raised…….apparently they did a good enough job for you to want to spend the rest of your life with him, yet they are not trusted with your (and his) kids.
Grandchildren are your reward for not killing your own children.
I would just die if my son in law didn’t trust me with my grandchildren.
By My3Kids
November 5, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this
MeeMaw, it is a shame. However, my husband was raised mostly by his grandparents. Also, the kicker is…my husband is the one who will not allow his mother to babysit. I just agree 100%. And he cut his father off years ago, so that helps even more..I won’t allow him to be alone with my kids because of his temper.
By jadasgigi
November 5, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this
I am the grandparent in question and yes, I believe my daughter trusts me and the other grandparents completely to watch our granddaughter and we do a fabulous job if i say so myself….she expects us to know and take care of everything when the grand is in our care and we do :). I am glad she trusts us so much and thrilled to be such an integral part of our little one’s life. The others that come along won’t be so easy as their parents live far away.
By jadasgigi
November 5, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this
I am the grandparent in question and yes, I believe my daughter trusts me and the other grandparents completely to watch our granddaughter and we do a fabulous job if i say so myself….she expects us to know and take care of everything when the grand is in our care and we do :). I am glad she trusts us so much and thrilled to be such an integral part of our little one’s life. The others that come along won’t be so easy as their parents live far away.
By FCM
November 5, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this
Theresa…I know it will open a can of worms….Sugar hinted at it…We blogged about teaching our children how important it is to vote…how important it is to learn the candidates (and mine were deeply hurt their choice was not picked—-“Mommy we looked at the policies!!!!!!)….can we blog on how to teach our children that AFTER the election we come forward (and JG you said it GREAT on a different blog) and not worry about Obama the man, or the ‘racial choice’, but heal and go foward as a people under Obama the President Elect and eventually President Obama?
By Nahnah
November 5, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
I have a 5-1/2 year old grandson that I absolutely adore. Unfortunately, his mother and he had to move back in with me about a year ago due to health circumstances for my daughter (Daddy is a deadbeat and pretty much out of the picture). I just turned 50 3 months ago and feel very fortunate to be young enough to keep up with my grandson and while the living situation is not the “norm”, I feel fortunate that I could do this for them. I am as much a “parent” to my grandson as my daughter is (I do spoil him a bit more, but I am still Nahnah). My daughter trusted me implicitly with my grandson and I am ready to step in if and when needed.
By Penguinmom
November 5, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
I think a lot of grandparents are actually overprotective. My in-laws used to freak everytime we walked out of a restaurant as if my son was suddenly going to dart into traffic. They’d rush up and grab his hand. This was my ultra cautious, never do anything remotely dangerous oldest child. They also tended to worry about safety in general a little more that me.
Sugar, I think there is going to be a lot of ‘buyer shock’ in about a year or so as people truly realize what a Democrat-controlled national government means. No one seems to get that the mortgage crisis we are experiencing now was created in the 90’s by a law passed by Democrats and signed by Democrat Bill Clinton.
By micha
November 5, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this
JG - Like you, no grandparents for my kids. It saddens me often but it doesn’t seem to bother the girls too much. Guess they can’t miss what they’ve never had.
Sugar - Yes, it’s a sad day.
By Penguinmom
November 5, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this
JG - We’re in a somewhat similiar situation. My mother has Alzheimer’s and is actually in a nursing home, so no babysitting has gone on with her for awhile. The in-laws are in NC. They take the kids once or twice a year. They don’t come down often enough to babysit for us here.
My in-laws love our kids but we had a situation where they basically ignored our kids for a year. Went to the nieces/nephew’s birthday parties but not mine. Missed my son’s baptism, end of year programs, the whole deal. I was livid. (Still haven’t really gotten over it.)
My husband did finally have a talk with them about their attitude toward our family. It was very hard for him, but he finally told them our choices on how our family is run are our choices and they just have to live with it. It has strained his relationship with them a little but at least they don’t make little comments about me or our life as much anymore.
Here’s a topic thought, how do you handle spending Thanksgiving weekend with in-laws that you can only go 24 hours or so without offending in some way. (Can you tell I’m already dreading Turkey day?) :-)
By Sugar
November 5, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this
We just have my mom, who is wonderful with my kids, and my brothers’ children as well.
Hubby’s parents passed away before our kids were born (I have one from a previous marriage). My dad passed away about a year after my first was born, he didn’t get to see the other ones. So my kids don’t have grandfathers, just one “grammy”. They absolutely adore her. She lives here, close to us.
On my side of the family, we do “Pod Night” every Friday. My brother and his wife take all the kids over night, and hubby and I get to go be alone (Date night). The following Friday night, we get all the kids, so my brother and his wife can go out. Then, the third weekend of every month, Mom takes ALL the grandkids and we each get a weekend without kids.
The kids ALL love going to Grammy’s. She takes them places, Fernbank, The Aquarium, etc., spoils them rotten, and all the cousins are together. They are all close in age and this keeps us all close as a family.
I am so thankful we are all here together.
By tracher
November 5, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this
Are there any moms out there reading this who can’t relate? Do you worry most about how to balance working full-time and spending time with your kids, being able to attend school events and doctor appointments, or paying the bills on time. A forum for moms is great but this represents only a small percentage of mothers. Check out this blog and add your comments. It’s new and it’s for moms who need to find a way to make life work without being judged so harshly by society. This is a great organization who works hard for all women and families. http://www.atlanta9to5.blogspot.com/
By Mr. Nice Guy
November 5, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this
All of you Republican Moms voted for Bush twice. After the results of the last 8 years, I think its safe to say all of you were wrong then, and probably wrong now. Stick to Barney and Wiggles.
By Nahnah
November 5, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this
PenguinMom -
Your post about dreading Thanksgiving just made me crack up. Every single holiday season I dread the “family gathering”. And it is because of my own father. He tells the same stories every season to the same people about what he thought were the irresponsible things I did when I was a teenager. I am 50 years old. Based upon our genetic longevity I expect that holiday season will be like this for at least 20 more years for me. lol
By Nahnah
November 5, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this
Sounds like Mr. Nice Guy needs a nap.
By motherjanegoose
November 5, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this
I have no idea what it would be like for me children to have grandparents who are interested in their lives.
My in laws live 800 miles away and have never been to our house…in 25 years. When we made the trip there ( at least once each year 20 years ago) we gave up on going as often as the house was filled with 3 chain smoking alcoholics and our children were sick and at the doctors as soon as we returned.
My MIL died this past summer ( cancer and liver failure) and my son had not seen her in 8 years.
My parents were always too busy to do a thing with my kids.
My hubby and I had our son when we lived in Texas with no family but our dear neigbors who were in their 70’s and we called them Granny and Pop.
Granny watched our son on our first night out alone and literally held him for 3 hours. She also raved about Pampers and had to tell all of her friends about how neat they were on our son as they soaked diapers in a diaper pail and hung them on the line back in her day…sweet memories of a wonderful lady!
When I was pregnant with my daughter, my mom called to give me their schedule and let me know what dates I COULD NOT have the baby on as she was tied up already….LOL.
My mom died thrirteen years ago when my daughter was 3 and now we try to make the trip at least once a year to see my Dad and stepmom ( who I trust completely and she HAS kept my kids even though they were not hers).
I would love to know what it is like for my kids to know their grandparents but it is too late now. We have some wonderful fill in friends who adore me kids and for that I am grateful!
By Nahnah
November 5, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this
Motherjanegoose - that is so sad. I can not imagine not being around my grandson. It would literally break my heart. I come home every day from work and he comes running to me with his arms wide open hollering Nahnah…Nahnah
By jct
November 5, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this
I could not be more pleased with the election results. President elect Obama will govern from the middle. He will because he was elected the President of the United States. He does not want to tear the country apart but to unite it.
For those of you feeling doom and gloom, it will pass in about three months. That is how long it took for me to recover from the last two presidential elections. In the meantime, I hope we can all continue to dialogue.
By Kathy
November 5, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this
Little E has 4 wonderful grandparents who all live within an hour of our house. I would trust them to care for her above anyone else in the world.
Sugar….I cried when I watched McCain’s speech. FCM…although I am disappointed in the outcome, I agree with you. We all should be a good example to our children by moving forward and giving the new administration respect and support.
By Patiently Waiting
November 5, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this
I would trust my MIL to watch my son. I am actually thinking that she maybe the person that helps out during the week and I am willing to drive 30 minutes out of the way for her to do that. I agree that since I did marry the son, it’s pretty strange not to trust that person.
By Tired Mommy
November 5, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this
My own Mother could not be bothered with watching her own grandkids which is sad but she is a sad, bitter woman. My Dad passed away 12 years ago and she is still angry about it.
My In-laws NEVER do as they are asked about bedtime, sugar, etc. I am very nervous when my kids are at their house because their house is old with pool and there are no kiddie precautions. My MIL is on slews of medication and does not lock it up. She gets upset with me for not asking her to babysit all the time but never abides by my wishes and then smarts off to me.
Love my Nanny and she is fabulous!!
By new mom
November 5, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this
We are very blessed with my parents who adore our baby girl, and would spend every waking moment with her if they could. My mom is my babysitter for my doctor appts, some grocery trips, and early voting ;) My dad’s crazy about her too, but he’s not as hands on. He’ll hold her, play some, then happily sit on the couch and watch football. And come to think of it, that’s how my grandparents were too!
I trust them both, but did nicely “require” both them and my sister to take a baby first aid class before she was born. We took the same class, and it was invaluable—twice I’ve had to use the back thrust technique because baby was choking! She gets so excited about eating that she doesn’t always swallow all the way before the next bite. I highly recommend anyone having ANY responsiblity for watching a child take one of those classes!! They are offered at most hospitals, I believe.
Unfortunately my MIL is not very intersted in our daughter. She lives 2 hours away, but it might as well be further. Like another post I read, she wasn’t very hands-on with my husband growing up, his grandparents were more his parents then she was. She’s content with seeing her 2-3 times a year, maybe calling us once every 2 weeks….My husband is still very upset about this, just the other night he realized she hasn’t seen her walk. (She was on the cusp of walking at her birthday party in Sept., and she doesn’t plan to see her again till Thanksgiving) I think he thought/hoped she would change when her only granddaughter was born, but I have tried to sweetly remind him that people don’t change overnight, they are who they are. And we have the choice to try to accept what we get, or be bitter. And really, being bitter would only continue to hurt us, and our daughter, so we need to accept what we get.
By Becky
November 5, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this
I get my nephews twins every weekend..They are 6 & they call me & my husband Nanny & Poppy..They have a granny (my sister) but she’s not that interested in them..They have a Pop on their Dad’s side, but he’s in prison..Their other grandfather only sees them about 2-3 times a year.
I never had grandparents that had anything to do with us, so I make sure that these 2 get all the loving that they need from me..
So, if your children have grandparents that don’t have anything to do with them, I’m sorry..
I wouldn’t trade my 2 for anything..
By JT
November 5, 2008 5:24 PM | Link to this
I have 3 kids (17, 14, 11) and my parents attend every baseball game, band concert, cheerleading competition, etc… They used to live 35 miles away and drove 2+ hours in Atlanta traffic many times to see them. This is their choice and my husband and I feel very lucky to have them. Earlier this year they moved 2 miles from us, so they are even more involved (if possible).
My husbands mother passed away (I know that she would have been wonderful with my children). His father and step-mother are more interested in her and their grandchildren. They would drive past our house to visit them and never call or let us know. They forgot my oldests birthday, never come to any important event and when my daughter had a band competition in their home town, they left to go out of town with another grandchild that day. She has not gotten over it. I try to keep the peace but I also would like to see a blog about visiting those that you don’t want to over the holidays. We always go to my in-laws for Thanksgiving and stay home for Christmas. My cousin has a condo at the beach and has offered us a free week at Thanksgiving with my parents. I want to do that but my husband thinks we should go see the in-laws. I say they never come here, so why bother. I volunteered to go between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
A week at the beach versus one day with in-laws seems like an easy decision to me!
By nurse&mother
November 5, 2008 6:28 PM | Link to this
Sugar- you are exactly right. Kiss your money goodbye!
Now back to topic. My mom and MIL keep my children when I work. My mom does one day and my MIL does the other. I am extremely blessed. I never have to worry about the safety of my children. They are definitely well cared for!
By nurse&mother
November 5, 2008 6:33 PM | Link to this
One thing to note with my MIL and FIL. I did have to gently talk to them when my 11yo was younger about a few things regarding car seats. They have a tendency to have the mentality of”Well we did this with our son and he turned out ok”.
I have learned to lighten up on nonimportant stuff and they have learned to take safety seriously. So you can say that we have evolved over the years. I am completely comfortable with them now and have been for years.
By Erin
November 5, 2008 7:05 PM | Link to this
Both of my parents died already, so my future children won’t have grandparents on my side. I really hope my children get to know their grandparents on the paternal side. It’s really kind of sad to think they’ll only ever have the one set!
By MA
November 5, 2008 8:07 PM | Link to this
We lived about 2 hours from my in-laws when our oldest was a baby to 2 1/2 and we drove to see them every weekend. They would watch him so we could go out every Saturday night. It was great. Then we moved here and only saw his parents once or twice a year(2,000 miles apart). They would come here about once a year also. My parents live about 1,100 miles away and we would try to see them once or twice a year(My husband works at Delta). So, we didn’t have the luxury of having “built in” babysitters.
My children luckily knew my father and my husband’s mother (best MIL ever) before they both died. My mother(81) is now in a nursing home and my father-in-law gets around really well for 84 but doesn’t fly anymore.
I didn’t work until my youngest started K and then I started working at their school. I loved being on their school schedules. We had a few good high school babysitters but depended on friends and took turns watching kids.
By a regular who perfers not to say
November 6, 2008 6:37 AM | Link to this
My parents love seeing the kids. However, generally they will only take one child at a time….which leaves very little down time for Mom.
My mother’s stance is “I raised mine, now you raise yours.” Plus she will point out “Susie deserves to have one on one with her Mom, so go do something with her while I take Billy” (Or vice versa)….and I somewhat agree. The other one I hear often is “Well nobody was there to give me a break!”
On the rare occasion I ask (well in advance)—say to go to a movie or the theater— they will say sure. Then the night before my Mom calls and goes into a list of reasons of why/how I am putting her out.
Over the years it has put great stress in our relationship. It plain is not worth asking them for grief it causes me.
On the occasions they ask for a child, I usually say yes if it works in our schedule. The children are very well cared for and behave better for them….actually, whichever child is with me behaves better too, so there is something in the kids need time away from each other or me.
Fortunately I have a few friends who will trade off with me. That way each Mom gets some time.
By Ellen Sherman
November 6, 2008 7:33 AM | Link to this
It may well be that the Grandparents have seen it before, as we get older we learn to trust our ‘gut” feelings more. When a toddler climbs onto a chair we are more likely to prevent the accident than letting him or her explore. There is allot to be said for the image..”You’ll poke your eye out!” -
By lisa
November 6, 2008 8:50 AM | Link to this
Unfortunately, both sets of grandparents are deceased. That said, I would have absolutely trusted our parents to raised our children. Having been cared for by grandparents, I see that grandparents are the stability that is needed in the home. When parents are stressing about this, that or the other, grandparents have been there, done that, so there is a calm to them.
By Gary
November 6, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
Well this is an interesting story. We’re both in our 40’s and have 3 Grandchildren. Two with one son and one with the other. We love our Grand kids more than anything in the world! We’ve taken the oldest one to WDW 3 times, the other 2 are way to young yet to go. The fact is the only time we get to see them is when our son needs a Babysitter! We rarely ever get a call on the weekends of Hey what are you doing we thought we’d come over for a visit with the baby. Nope it’s usually, hey what are you doing this weekend? Well she sure would like to see you, you mind of she comes over and spends the night while we go out? It isn’t like they have careers that keep them too busy to visit either. They know that when she’s with us she’s well protected and cared for. And always has socks or shoes on her feet to keep them warm in the cold weather! Not being carted around in cold temperatures with bare feet! So yes I’d say Grandparents are just as good as Mom and Dad! At times I honestly feel we take better care of the kids than the parents do.