MOMania

By yesiamworried

October 27, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this

There is something sad about a mother who had to go to Boys Town to be “reformed” needing to send her child there. It speaks volumes about both genetics and leaned bad parenting behaviors I suspect.

I am guessing that she is a single mom with no dad around — a troubled teen who has given birth and raised a troubled teen. No big surprise there.

By Mattie

October 27, 2008 5:17 PM | Link to this

I admire this mother. She made a difficult decision in an attempt to give her child some sort of future. It’s just too bad she had to drive almost across the country to find some sort of help. And “Worried” , it doesn’t speak anything of genetics or learned behavior. Yes, this mother had a similar circumstance, but children are the victims, not the cause. She wants more for her child than a life of crime. Good for her.

By Voice of Reason

October 27, 2008 5:47 PM | Link to this

Better to give him up than to kill him out of frustration in trying to raise him.

BUT I, too, bet this woman had this child out of wedlock; is probably on a limited budget; can’t govern him well in this day of time of incessant influences from the media, etc., and there’s no man around to help raise that boy. EVERYBODY…STOP MAKING BABIES OUT of WEDLOCK! In this day and time, it’s not easy raising kids alone, regardless of your race, but it’s especially hard for families without a nest egg to fall back on. I feel for the mother, but ship him off if you can’t handle him. If not, he’ll end up in jail, or you will!

By Mike D

October 27, 2008 5:59 PM | Link to this

This is probably a good thing since the kids will at least be taken care of and ked. However, this should teach politicians everywhere to think about the unseen consiquences(sp?).

By Mike K.

October 27, 2008 6:17 PM | Link to this

**She went to a counseling office earlier this year to ask for medication that might calm him down, make it easier for him to concentrate. She paid $500 for a two-hour psychiatric evaluation, she said.

Two months later, the answer came: her son had defiant behavior, and the doctor would not prescribe medication.**

I wonder if this is some sort of personality disorder. They might not be able to proscribe meds, but they might have behavioral treatment options.

BTW one of the AJC articles has the mother’s age as 33, so she would’ve been 21 when she had the kid.

By Lynn-43

October 27, 2008 6:38 PM | Link to this

When state budgets are cut children’s causes are the first to go. I realize with today’s economy, budget cuts have to be made, but surely chidren come before the governor’s fish. He doesn’t think so. As a retired teacher, I have seen too many similar cases, and our state leaders do not care or help with resources to establish intervention for our children who are in trouble through no fault of their own.

By Lynn-43

October 27, 2008 6:51 PM | Link to this

Sorry. I omitted a comma and misspelled “children’s”, but I also didn’t add that I think it was very sad that this mom had to travel 1000 miles to get help for her child.

By Ayn Rand was Right

October 27, 2008 6:54 PM | Link to this

Let’s not assume anything about this mother, being poor (she lives in Vinnings), being an unwed mother, etc. What we know is that she dumped her responsibilities on the State of Nebraska. It is her responsibility to take care of her child, not someone else’s. If he was messed up before, imagine how great he is feeling now that his mother dumped him 1000 miles from home. Gee, don’t forget to send her a Mother’s Day card.

It is not this state’s nor any other state’s responsibility to take care of children with parents. It is a parents responsibility to take care of their children. While I feel sorry for this boy, I think I may be glad he now lives 1000 miles away. He’s going to be really p** when he gets free. My guess is someone besides Mommy Dearest will probably pay the price for that as well.

By Dan

October 27, 2008 6:58 PM | Link to this

Lets understand this, she traveled 1000 miles because she didn’t want the help available here. Which of course would have required her to retain some level of responsibility. Whats sad is people just don’t see that

By Wendy

October 27, 2008 7:01 PM | Link to this

It is easy for people to judge this mother when they have no idea what was happening in that household. I admire her for doing something that might actually help him. How much pain must she have been in to drive him 1,000 miles? Now, her situation has public attention and maybe the family can get the help they need.

By joey

October 27, 2008 7:09 PM | Link to this

Look, as long as its Nebraska and not Georgia, who cares? Tax money needs to be better spent than taking care of some spawn, whose mother couldn’t keep her legs closed. His prison record should have given her a little clue, don’t-cha think?

It’s time to suck it up and quit blaming everybody else for your(in this disgusting case, the ho mom’s) poor judgement and expecting everyone else (anyone who has meaningful income, like me)to pay for your irresponsibility.

OK, start your whining now!

By Ayn Rand was Right

October 27, 2008 7:21 PM | Link to this

Amen to Joey! We have subordinated need in this country with lack of desire to do right. I for one am sick to death of people making choices, then deciding later that they no longer want that type of life, so someone else (mama, government, church) should take care of the problem.

Grow up, if you did it, deal with it and stop asking others to help you with your problem.

The state should intervene in cases where the child is in danger. The state should take in children with terminally ill or dead parents, the state is not Nanny 911 for fixing your parenting errors.

By joey

October 27, 2008 7:32 PM | Link to this

FACT: As long as someone pays for someone elses lack of responsibility, there will be those that will subject the payors to this kind of pure crap.

Send ALL “baby’s mama” spawn to Nebraska. They care. I don’t.

By Dan

October 27, 2008 7:32 PM | Link to this

Wendy, you too are judgeing with even less consideration of the facts. To many people call out and immediately blame the system, and not the individual, because it makes them feel better. This woman went to extremes researching and spending money to drive to NE and back not to help her child but to avoid responsibility, it couldn’t be more clear

By Mattie

October 27, 2008 7:46 PM | Link to this

Joey, Dan, Ayn Rand, etc. You people suck. I am sure you attend church on Sunday too. There but for the grace of God, go you. How dare you judge someone for looking for help for her child. If she hadn’t, some day you or your family could have been a victim of his rage.

By motherjanegoose

October 27, 2008 7:46 PM | Link to this

Did anyone see the cartoon in Th or Fr USA today? I was out of town and read the paper at breakfast. It had a block of storefronts…three were:

SHARE THE

SHARE THE RESPONSIBILITY

SHARE THE WEALTH

No one was in front of the first two but everyone was lined up to get into SHARE THE WEALTH

This was intended to be a jab at Obama who ( it appears) wants us to share our wealth with those who are not prepared to share our risks or responsibilities. Some are less fortunate and deserve to have what the rest of us work hard for…right!

I am reminded of this cartoon…those who have paid the price of being a real parent will now be expected to pay for the children of those who were not ready to be responsible or take risks in discipline or consistency, providing a stable family.

Yes, there are exceptions but there are SO many parents out there who are not prepared to do their job or simply choose not to handle things correctly when children are small.

Little children can be little pains but if nothing is done….then this will turn into a BIG pain when the children get bigger. Being a good parent is NOT for the faint of heart!

I do not think it is fair for Nebraska to have to deal with children from every other state being dumped on them.

By Southern Lady

October 27, 2008 7:48 PM | Link to this

What a terrible position to be in..At least this mother was trying to help her child rather than being drugged out herself and leave him to find a gang as family. Living in a structured enviroment with some male supervision might turn this kid around. We have too many gangs and more turning there everyday. To be single mother in today’s economic times is hard..My heart goes out to all hard working parents. I hope this teenager will turn out to be a productive citizen but looks like his chances are nill to none.

By Mrs. White

October 27, 2008 7:57 PM | Link to this

I DON’T BLAME HER!!!!! Georgia has some p** poor laws when it comes to unruly children. If help was available here for you when your children get out of hand then maybe parents wouldn’t have to go through such drastic measures like traveling 1000 miles to seek help from another state. The resources that Georgia has in place is next to none. The system is quick to make judgements on parents however when parents ask for help there is none. DFAS is a system that does not work for people. The blame shouldn’t lie with the parents that are doing their job to the best of their abilities, society has alot to do with why the children act the way that they do. The system makes it so easy when you tell us that we can’t discipline our own but will try to make someone take parenting classes like the parents are good parents. TRY MAKING THE KIDS TAKE CLASSES ON HOW TO BE GOOD KIDS!!!! I’m glad she dropped his bad a$$ off maybe he will see now how good he had it at home!!!

I applaude you mom!!!! Don’t worry about what others say, you know in your heart that you did the right thing everyone else tell them to ki$$ your A$$!!!!!

By Ayn Rand was Right

October 27, 2008 8:11 PM | Link to this

Mrs. White - society is not the problem. Lazy people who want to share the wealth not the responsibility (thanks MJG) are the problem. Then again, considering the situation, I suppose that all of the lazy people waiting for someone else to fix their problems are society now.

I miss the good old days, when manners and respect mattered. When misbehaving was trouble no matter who’s mama was around. And a spanking now and then wasn’t cause for a visit from DFACS or the police.

Kids do not ask to be born, they are products of their environments. If the kid is a problem, it is not ANY state’s problem until such time as he or she becomes a ward of said state. Unfortunately for the state of Nebraska, there’s one lazy mom in GA who was smart enough to work the system. Too bad she couldn’t pour some of those resources into helping her child fix his problems.

You people crying about this poor mother and how Nebraska should fix his problems, will be the first ones shouting mother’s have rights, when she wants him back.

Abandonment is not the answer. Especially of a 12 year old.

By Snidely Butright

October 28, 2008 6:22 AM | Link to this

Kids do not ask to be born

and most women in their 20’s don’t ask to get preggers either. Wonder how many of you people condemning this desperate and frustrated mother are so-called “pro-life”.

Yeah. “Pro-life” until the brat’s born and then it’s all on the mother, who may not have wanted a kid in the first place.

By joey

October 28, 2008 6:38 AM | Link to this

My Dear Mattie,

It’s not about going to church or divine judgement. It is about responsibility, the baby mama ho’s responsibility to care for her bad choice. I shouldn’t have to pay for these ignorant, lazy baby factories in the first place.

Also, notice that once again, there is no baby daddy present to take his half of the responsibility. Let me guess, he is doing 10 to 20 for robbery, car jacking, etc…

As for being a “victim of his (or anyones) rage”, I am fully capable of dealing with that. You see, “Mattie”, I am responsible, which includes knowing just how to protect myself and my family from these scummy products of irresponsibility. Quick and sure elimination from the gene pool awaits any dirt bag posing that kind of threat. I will let God judge them in person.

By catlady

October 28, 2008 6:41 AM | Link to this

The time to fix the problem would have been when he was a toddler and she enforced limits and showed that she was in charge.

I know quite a few parents like this one. If they would not lose their welfare they would do the very same thing.

By Jzajza

October 28, 2008 6:43 AM | Link to this

I have worked for DFCS for 5 years and must admit that there are little to no resources for parents struggling emotionally to care for children. We as a society must learn compassion for the plight of others. Many people go into parenthood with the expectations that they can provide a wonderful life for their child. However, as life spirals out of control, sometimes through no fault of their own, the ability to cope with a child’s physical and psychological demands diminishes. It is better to admit your short coming than to harm yourself or the child further. I admire this woman because she made the right choice for her. Not the right choice for me or you, but for herself. Sometimes loving someone means admitting that you are incapable of meeting their needs. I speak first hand as the adult child of a substance abuser who allowed the state of NY to raise her six children. It’s difficult for a child to understand, but we must remember that both the parent and child are victims.This is just my thoughts on the ordeal.

Be Blessed.

By joey

October 28, 2008 6:49 AM | Link to this

“Snidely”

You are too funny.

“and most women in their 20’s don’t ask to get preggers either.”

I guess you mean these women in their 20s have spring loaded legs that magically spread when a sperm donor is close. Plus, I get to pay for this immaculate conception.

It is scary but true that there are many people as stupid and ignorant as you seem to be. You must be a breeder too.

By motherjanegoose

October 28, 2008 6:53 AM | Link to this

Re: My comment last night

I left out a one of the three storefronts in the USA Today cartoon and apologize:

SHARE THE RISK SHARE THE RESPONSIBILITY SHARE THE WEALTH

I am married with two children and am offended by the comment of

” most women in their twenties do not ask to get preggers….”

This attitude oozes ignorance as most women in their twenties should have a clue about how to get pregnant…

when you have sex you are either being responsible or irresponsible. If you choose to have sex unprotected…then, you are taking a risk and I ( for one) do not want to be responsible for the child you produced that you did not want….readers?

I was 27 and 32 when mine were born. Had an education and a job. I wanted both of mine. Were they difficult at times…you better believe it but they have turned out to be great young adults and it was work getting them here.

I now have the WEALTH of being a parent who can be proud of my children ( most of the time….LOL) BECAUSE I RECOGNIZED THE RISK AND RESPONSIBILITY.

For those who just want the wealth…you will get it for a while if Obama becomes president but when the rest of us get tired of doling out $$$….it will run out. There is not a magical pot of money to be dipped into. If comes from somewhere and partly from my pocket when I (as others on this blog) put in 12 hour days and am away from my family taking risks and being responsible.

Success comes from hard work …whether with education, a business or children.

YES there are exceptions and I am all for providing help for those who need it and are willing to do their part…

By bigred

October 28, 2008 6:53 AM | Link to this

AMEN JOEY! I ECHO EVERYTHING YOU SAID!I CAN’T TOP THAT!NUFF SAID!

By FCM

October 28, 2008 7:48 AM | Link to this

If you have a hard time with this, then think hard about what you want America to look like 4 years from now when you go to the polls.

By Jessica

October 28, 2008 8:04 AM | Link to this

It’s easy to judge someone else when you have NEVER walked in their shoes. I would not have chosen to drop him off in MN, but I must say that I do understand how parents can become desperate especially when they see their children headed in the wrong direction but don’t know how to prevent it. Before you judge this mother, please put yourselves in her shoes. Sometimes a problem child is not the parent’s fault.

By SingleMom

October 28, 2008 8:04 AM | Link to this

Speaking as a single mom I can only imagine what she must be going through. We don’t know that she didn’t try to get help from the state before going 1000 miles. I have a decent job and am still struggling to make sure the influences of the outside world do not affect my child. It is not easy to raise a child in an envirnoment where you are subject to ridicule for not being a two parent household. I get asked all the time where is the father. If you find him tell him I said hello. My child is well adjusted and well loved. But every parent on their own is not that lucky. You missed the point (JOEY!)that if you are at a borderline income the state feels you can handle problems yourself and don’t need help. Do you know how many times I heard you make too much money to qualify for our services. At the time I had NO income other than my child support. Of course she did the research. Wouldn’t you before taking your child somewhere to get the help he or she needed? Let’s hope one day your children don’t hit you over the head!

By sclinton

October 28, 2008 8:15 AM | Link to this

where is the closest Nebraska Hospital? I’m married and with three children. Can you drop off the husband along with the children. (LOL)

By sclinton

October 28, 2008 8:17 AM | Link to this

where is the closest Nebraska Hospital? I’m married and with three children. Can you drop off the husband along with the children. (LOL)

By sclinton

October 28, 2008 8:18 AM | Link to this

where is the closest Nebraska Hospital? I’m married and with three children. Can you drop off the husband along with the children. (LOL)

By ExcusesExcuses

October 28, 2008 8:20 AM | Link to this

Folks, while I believe that this mother had no choice but to drop her child, I also can offer these observations: as a single parent - my kids are held to high expectations and manners/consequences were taught at an early age. They are not dicipline problems and are a beautiful example to all children. Single mothering is not an excuse to not accept the responsibility of a child you produced. If the Dad turns out to be a dud (my ex is a lush) then it is YOUR responsibility to raise your children properly. Geez, my kids would be brats if I had not taken the total resonsibility for parenting when their Dad decided to worship beer. But hello???? My kids and I love them and want them to do well in life - you know be part of the 5% that everyone complains about. It is attainable. 2. Young teens who have not experienced consequences or learned boundries are getting lost in thug culture. You can choose what your child is exposed to. I went to a Movies Under the Stars a few years ago and during the kids karaoke, a 9 year old was singing that usher song about not stoping til they get someone in their birthday suit. Disturbing. Lastly, from the age of 10 on…….thanks to sex ed, everyone knows that pregnancy can be a consequence of sex. If you have sex - period - you are asking to get pregnant. There is none of this - women in their 20’s don’t ask to get preggers - WHATEVER! It is not a fundamental right to have sex. There is something called personal responsibility and self control though - if you do not want kiddies and are not ready to devote your life to this LIFE CHANGING EVENT then do not have sex.

By CAT

October 28, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this

Joey, the price you paid to bail out Wall Street is a billion times greater than what you could possibly pay for a single woman’s “irresponsibility”. It’s called corporate welfare, yet this type of welfare and “irresponsibility is okay.

By A reader

October 28, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

From the AJC article:

“They’re just going to go and put him in a foster home,” Brown said, crying into the telephone. “What good is that going to do?”

And just what did she think Nebraska would do?? Wave a magic wand and her kid would suddenly be “good”?

And from the same article:

*Twice, Cobb school administrators offered to get the child counseling, said Jay Dillon, communications director for the Cobb County School District. Both times, he said, Brown refused. *

So, if this is to be believed, the mother did not exhaust all of the resources available to her in GA.

No, I have not walked in her shoes. But I am a single mother of an 11 year old and the child’s father has chosen not to be involved. I know that the tough teenage years are coming. But I would never dump my child on someone else!

Sorry, I have no sympathy for this woman, only her children.

By mark

October 28, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

I bet she is still claiming to have 2 children for her welfare check and food stamps…..

By Jason

October 28, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this

I had no idea Sarah Palin had family in Vinings.

By My3Kids

October 28, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

As a parent, I could never imagine actually abandoning one of my girls. I have a daughter who is has behavior issues and many other issues. I have gone into debt with finding doctors because insurance only covers so much and they don’t always cover much with mental health issues. Medications have not helped her. There have been doctors and teachers tell me she is retarded and not to expect much or anything from her. NOT the correct answer. At least for me it is not. GA has limited resources on actually helping children who need help unless you are basically one step from being homeless. We have seen doctors and therapists and specialists and anyone else that may help. In many areas the juvenile system is a joke, I know that it is for a fact because I have turned to them for help before and we could not get help. We have seen so many doctors that I can not even remember half there names. Right now we have a therapist that has been working wonders for my daughter. We found this therapist in Sept. and 80% of the problems we have been having are not gone entirely but things for the first time in a REALLY long time are better. We are actually functioning as a family and she is not destroying everything she touches are taking her temper out on me. I can’t believe the improvement with her. I pray everyday it last.

I understand why this mother has left this child in Nebraska. Could I do it? I truly doubt. Have I thought about it? Not really, but I have thought about leaving her with family before and I just couldn’t do it.

And being poor, single, and black has nothing to do with some kids. A good whipping doesn’t always help. Taking away toys or privileges doesn’t always help. I’m not rich but I am not poor, I am married and I am white. Some kids have issues no matter what you do. I have one child that is special needs; I have another that is gifted (very high IQ) and another that takes after the gifted child (she may not have the high IQ since we have not had her tested but she has basically the same learning curve). Each one is different and has to be handled differently.

What this mother should have done was give custody to her brother and let him enroll the child into that special school. At least that is what I would have done. GA is bringing the child back to GA and placing him in foster care. From what I know about the foster care system in GA, this child is going to do exactly what the mother is trying to avoid.

By Theresa

October 28, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

The story has been updated since last night — Today’s story says Nebraska is returning the boy to Georgia and he will be placed in a foster home.

What the mother wanted was for the boy to be sent to the famous “Boys Town” in Nebraska so he could be rehabilitated. She had tried to get him into the program on her own and they wouldn’t take him so she thought since it was in Nebraska, then the state of Nebraska could get him placed in the program. So I think that is why she is disapointed in just a foster home. She doesn’t feel he’ll be rehabiliated there.

I’m wondering if one of the military-type academies in North Georgia would take him on scholarship and maybe that would help him. Put him into a different element. One with lots of dscipline and hardwork where he’d be too tired to misbehave. I suspect that’s what the Boys Town program was like.

By judgemenot

October 28, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this

You all are funny people who can sit back and judge the way people handle situations with their children. You don’t want the parents to discipline them in the way they need to be and you don’t want them to get the proper help either. We live in a society full of people who think they know everything about the american family. True it does take two to raise a child but what if one of the two is not right? Anything can happen! What if one of the parents dies or become incapable of helping raise the child is that wrong too. Having money is not always the answer. Look at the rich kids. Look how they are representing their parents. Is that right too? It does not matter where you come from and how you got here. Its God’s plan for you while you are here that matters. Its better for her to be on the news giving him up than on the news for kiling him or him killing her or someone else. Some of the riches neighborhoods produce some of the worst children, but because their are two parents that makes it ok!!!!!!!!!!! Be careful what you say because you don’t when it may happen to you. Never say never or what you would and would not do because you never know until you walk in those shoes.

By Kat2

October 28, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this

Seems like everyone’s making a whole lot of ASSumptions. Who’s to say she’s not a widow or something? Perhaps her child is a result of a rape & she didn’t want to abort? I hear code words like “baby momma” and “baby daddy” and “welfare”, but it doesn’t mention it in the article. Am I missing something? I feel for her — sounds like she did everything she could (including paying $500 for help, seeking medical advice, cousel, etc.) no to avail.

Let up on this lady UNTIL the reports of neglect, abuse, and lackadasical parenting come to light, if applicable.

Sheesh, AJC readers can be the most judgemental people on the planet!

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

I saw the interview on tv last night. This woman had a very nice apartment, very clean, and very nice furniture.

I don’t like that she said the State of Georgia failed her. She failed her child, by not enforcing rules and instilling morals into him when he was young.

Children don’t suddenly go “bad”. There is a series of events that lead up to that, and apparently she was too busy working, probably two jobs, to tend to her child. She does have another child, who is younger.

I cannot imagine that car ride. What goes through your head as you are driving 1,000 miles with two kids in the car. Did the boy know what her plans were? Was he scared? My heart goes out to that family.

By Mad Mary

October 28, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

Which is better? Having the boy raised in Nebraska or having the boy get involved with gangs, drugs and whatever in Georgia?
Mom could not handle him. Georgia has no resources to help her with him. Perhaps she should have relocated to Nebraska. Raise him on a farm far from temptations that could ruin him for life. But that was not what she chose to do. Nor did she chose to give the boy to a family member. At least she is looking out for her son’s future in the only way she felt had merit. The Nebraska law, like it or not, is clear. She followed that law. Georgia DEFAC has NO RIGHT to intercede in a lawful decision made by a lawful custodian of a minor child. Georgia DEFAC would not help them yesterday. Georgia DEFAC should be prohibited from hurting them today.

By Cobb Mom

October 28, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

As a mother of 3 boys… one of whom was bipolar, I sympathize with this mother. After years of trying to get help from the county and thru the school system, I ended up having to commit him to a mental hospital for several months. Luckily, my insurance covered the cost. Cobb County does NOT have adequate resources to handle defiant children. After my son came after me with a metal rod (and I had to finally call the police) I was told by the county social worker that ‘I needed more patience’ in dealing with him, and that I ‘shouldn’t discipline him, just let him be who he was’. Even his therapist couldn’t believe how clueless they were. You want what’s best for your children, but Georgia resources are NOT adequate. Several other mother’s I have talked to have had the same issues with Cobb County in particular (and by the way, we are East Cobb). Have some sympathy for this women… unless you’ve been in her shoes, you have NO IDEA what it’s like to have a child that neither you nor anyone else can control.

By millie

October 28, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

Oughtta be a culture shock for this 12 year old gangsta…..wonder how he will like milking chickens and plucking cows ??? pull up those drawers, son !

By BHH

October 28, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

Really?! I believe that the majority of those responding to this article are pro life and go to “church” (obviously not a compassionate or Bible based church). I bet you bloggers have those kids who insult you, are bratty and mooch off of you. Your kids are the Columbine killers or those recently arrested for the plot to assisinate Obama.

Get off of your high horse. Instead of spewing such hatred, take some time to speak to a group of young kids about abstinence. Take a minute to mentor. At the very least, go check your garage or your kids room, I’m sure they’re plotting their next shooting spree.

By Proud Father

October 28, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

I am a proud father of 4 beautiful daughters. I am in the process of trying to start an organization to lobby the georgia legislation to give parents that cannot afford a place like eagle ranch some kind of help. I actually have a daughter that is 12 yrs old and has some problems. I have joint legal and physical custody but mom has primary custody. I have exsausted every avenue of help for her to include DFACS which has been no good.

Here is the bottom line, I am a great father who rears his daughter in church, takes every parent course available, reads parenting books but when a child needs help, if you do not have the financial ability to place them in an awesome temporary place like eagle ranch then where else do you turn? Therefore I will start an organization for parents that truly love their children, has their best interest at heart, wants to be successful parents, and lobby the legislation to give parents like me a true way to help a child that needs help.

I can truly say that no matter how good of a parent you are, sometimes you and your child need help.

Signed, A loving Father

By Proud Father

October 28, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this

If anyone wants to join this organization that I have not started yet, let the writer of this column know and she can give you my email address. It’s time good, loving parents make a healthy stand to improve a child’s life.

Signed, Loving Father

By Alphamommy

October 28, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

I feel so badly for this mother. I believe that she did the very best that she could with what life handed her. There is no father figure in this boys life and that’s the major issue here. Boys need their Daddy’s!

By Mo

October 28, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this

I feel sorry for the residence of NE…..they have good, middle American values and now they’ve become a dumping ground for Lil Gangsta’s from the A-T-L…..where everyday is opening day !

By Jesse's Girl

October 28, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Wow…I say a prayer everyday that what we do as parents is enough to keep our children on the right road. But I do not live in a vaccuum…I know that for some, no amount of prayer seems to work. I hit my knees everyday to thank God that what we are doing seems to be working with our kids.

I will not sit in judgement of this mother. I cannot relate to what she has been through…the trials she has seen. She doesn’t seem to be the typical ghetto/white trash mother who gives up on her child and lets the chips fall where they may. A mother who truly didn’t give a damn would not drive 1000 miles. Can you even imagine that car ride? The periods of silence between mother and child…each knowing what this trip is for? A mother who had zero love for her baby would have given him up an easier way. In Ga, a parent can easily relinquish rights to their child and give them over to the Foster Care System. This mother was trying to do what she knew to be right. Her version of “right” included the visceral hope that her son could receive the same soul-saving intervention she had at Boys Town. I do not condone what she did or how it was done….but I can empathize…I can see her POV.

No, I do not think this mother can be lumped into the same category as so many other women who should very probably be sterilized. I do however take great exception to one poster’s comment regarding children not asking to be born and the mothers not asking to get pregnant. BULL SH!T. No child asks to be born…correct. But a woman can absolutely KEEP HER LEGS CLOSED. There is never a reason to use the “I didn’t ask to get pregnant” excuse. NEVER.

Many of you have touched on the racial lines of this particular case. This did not happen because she is black. This happens in poor white neighborhoods and families as well. So often, the absense of a father figure leads to this crap. Girls out looking for someone to take care of them….when all they need is their dad to be involved and show them love and consideration. And its a terrible cycle. Out of welock children beget out of wedlock children. I’ve said it before….sex education….REAL SEX EDUCATION…could start to combat this. I would love for our schools to stop explaining how the sperm and egg meet and subsequently hook up. I would love to see the schools introduce what happens after. The dropping out of school. The feeling of resentment toward the baby. The proper way to fill out and redeem Food Stamps. The proper way to sign up for WIC. How to apply for subsidized housing. How to ask “Would you like fries with that?” Kids need to know EXACTLY what to expect when they whip out their penises and open their legs.

By Mad Mary

October 28, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

Which is better? Having the boy raised in Nebraska or having the boy get involved with gangs, drugs and whatever in Georgia?
Mom could not handle him. Georgia has no resources to help her with him. Perhaps she should have relocated to Nebraska. Raise him on a farm far from temptations that could ruin him for life. But that was not what she chose to do. Nor did she chose to give the boy to a family member. At least she is looking out for her son’s future in the only way she felt had merit. The Nebraska law, like it or not, is clear. She followed that law. Georgia DEFAC has NO RIGHT to intercede in a lawful decision made by a lawful custodian of a minor child. Georgia DEFAC would not help them yesterday. Georgia DEFAC should be prohibited from hurting them today.

By Lyrazel

October 28, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

My aunt has 2 sons, husband, good job, good home, loving family, no financial worries. Her son started having issues with drugs gotten from athletics in at his affluent suburban well respected GA public school. He was sent to private military school to keep off drugs and get the discipline needed to graduate. Graduated from military school. Went to college on HOPE and 1 mo. later was busted for underage drinking and dope. 3 similar arrests later he was jailed.

I tend to disagree about poverty and homes without dads being the cause of problem kids. Many times its the kid—who will have its way and damn everyone else no matter what the consequences.

By sharon

October 28, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

Amen Mattie! Also, why did she go to the media with this story. Why couldn’t this have been a private matter. Is it possible the child could have been misdiagnosed? Maybe his problems really are psychological? If he saw white doctors it’s easy for them to assume his situation is a behavioral problem.One thing for sure, he’s going to be one confused, angry young man. Trust me, there will be some pyschological ramifications of his mother’s actions.

By lwa

October 28, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

Most comments are mean and hurtful and prove that we have a long way to go in this society. Will the assumptions and stereotypes ever end.

Why would someone naturally assume that she is on welfare? No father? Teenage mother?

Stop assuming. We can’t choose our kids and how they are going to turn out.

Think about this. How many of us have a brother or sister that just didn’t turn out like the rest of the family and we sit and wonder, “Where did this child come from.”

Please don’t pass judgment. This woman chose to have her child (pro-life) and is having difficulties that could be medical. We live in such a great country, there has to be help out there for her.

By sharon

October 28, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

Amen Mattie! Also, why did she go to the media with this story. Why couldn’t this have been a private matter. Is it possible the child could have been misdiagnosed? Maybe his problems really are psychological? If he saw white doctors it’s easy for them to assume his situation is a behavioral problem.One thing for sure, he’s going to be one confused, angry young man. Trust me, there will be some pyschological ramifications of his mother’s actions.

By zyharry2

October 28, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

I do not fault this mother. She did what she had to do. I have a very close relative who had the same problems with her son. He was diagnosed with the same disorder. He was also refused any kind of help. They moved to another state and he was given medicine that helped a little. Unfortunately the little boy died before his 12th birthday. He used to climb out the window to get out, he also had several problems in and out of school. He had ODD. His mother tried to keep track of him. Had him in several programs, but he still snuck out which led to his death. 3 children was with him when he died, told his mother and police they had not seen him. Yet, when his body was found more than 6 weeks later it was proven these children were with him and there were shady circumstances behind his death. It is sad that if you are not on welfare in the state of GA, you do not qualify for any type of assistance. the state will gladly put the child in the juvenile system as they get older. Cause all types of problems for the parents and child. Put the child and parents on probation and assess fees. this is a parent who was trying to get help for her child. I believe she was trying to get him the help he needs in hopes of making the family whole again. We do not know the whole story, so lets leave passing judgment to GOD!!

By someonewhocanempathize

October 28, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

As a mother of two, I can understand the struggle this mother must have gone through. I have a 10 year old son, who is calm, gentle, and wonderful. And I have a 13 year old daughter, who is wonderful, loving when she wants to be… and has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, diagnosed at age 7. She had been in therapy for several months at the time. I had done many of the things this mother had, including locking up everything in the home, Extra locks on the doors to keep her INSIDE in the middle of the night, behavioral modification therapy, taking her to the police station (which at age 7 she also laughed at the officers — and at us). I was a stay at home mother, her father has a good job, we provided a structured environment, etc. She began exhibiting behavioral problems as early as a week after birth, screaming when she was held. It was attributed to colic. By the time she was two, she was unbelievably advanced intellectually for her age group, able to hold a conversation with an adult using full sentences. And a bundle of unstoppable energy for 19 hours a day. By age 5, she had been asked to leave 2 different kindergarten classes, and was homeschooled, hoping it would buy time to get her behaviour under control. At age 6, she killed a neighbors newborn litter of kittens to see what would happen, and had tried to strangle her 3 year old brother. I feared for the life of my son, and for HER life. She was reckless, had no concept of right and wrong or consequence — and she didn’t care. When she was diagnosed as having Oppositional Defiant Disorder, in additional to her original diagnosis of a severe form of ADHD, the psychologist told us there wasn’t a lot of hope. She said most kids with this disorder end up in jail or worse by 15. A combination of low doses of two medications did help calm her somewhat, and helped her to focus, which allowed her to finally learn to read (which she had not been focussed enough to do, she was so unfocussed), and allowed her to control her impulsiveness SOMEWHAT. And at that point, behavioural modification had some effects in that she was able to stop and reason out what MIGHT happen if she takes an action. Then she has to decide whether or not she actually CARES about the consequence. And unfortunately, it’s allowed her to become a better liar. Our therapist suggested putting her in an institution at one point. It may still come to that, if we observe a serious threat to our son. I hope not. I can definitely see how this mother could love her son, but have lost hope…

By Kathleen

October 28, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

It’s interesting how people can so easily make judgements about others. Unless you have been in that situation you have no idea how you will react. After all, he is a black child so it’s very easy for him to be labled a trouble maker and get into trouble with the law.. No matter what you think, justice is not given out equally. I assume this mother loved her child and didn’t want to see him go off to jail which is where the court system warehouses them when the no one wants to deal with them any more. So instead of loosing him to the system, she decided to give him up. You call it being irresponsible, I call it love. I hope she and her son can re-unite and get the help they need.

By Andrea

October 28, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

Wow, this is such a heated topic. I have spent thousands of dollars getting help for my son. He was born very premature and the doctors at that time gave him little chance of ever having the mindset beyond that of an infant. I actually had a doctor suggest we terminate the pregnancy when I was 20 weeks. I write this to say you can’t fish for a perfect child.

My son is 12 now and will be 13 next month. Do I get frustrated, exasperated, angry, tired, etc? You better believe it. The one thing I learned is that NO ONE will ever champion your child more than you. I think this mother needed a network of parents that were dealing with the similar issues so she could have made a truly informed decision.

I think she made the decision based on the limited amount of information she had available to her.

If I don’t know anything else, I know without a doubt The school system is NOT intersted in providing the specialized care a child with any special needs requires. Know your rights as parents and then fight for your child.

God bless her and especially the young child. How horrible it must have been for him to have been left at a hospital. This family needs information and prayer.

By Jesse's Girl

October 28, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Someonewhocanempathize…..I just googled ODD. Good Lord, my prayers are certainly with you. And with your daughter.

By someonewhocanempathize

October 28, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

An additional note: In regards to not caring about consequences… It has taken a HUGE amount of effort every hour of every day to try to teach her what right and wrong is. She knows these things intellectually now, for situations she has already encountered. But she doesn’t FEEL what right and wrong is. Everything is an intellectual exercise for her. And almost a game. One way we’ve been able to keep her occupied intellectually in other ways is to find teachers in her school who are willing to work with not just advanced kids, but advanced kids with problems. It took a while. And constant communication daily with her teachers. It helps to keep her intellectually challenged at ALL times. And she enjoys learning. So learning has become the reward for good behavior. She can get more books or learning games. She can spend time researching. Anything to keep her mind filled with something besides speculating what would happen if she took this action or that action. And it is exhausting, because she IS “on” 19 hours a day. But those days when she does show loving behaviour towards us are rewarding. I worry that my son feels neglected. I worry that it won’t be enough. We may yet have to consider other options.

By Amy in the ATL

October 28, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

Wow—-looks like the conservatives on this blog have forgotten about being compassionate.

Anyone from any walk of life can have a kid go “bad”. Even ultra-responsible middle class married white Republicans can have out of control middle schoolers and teenagers—admit it, we’ve all seen it. Some of us may have even been those kids at one time. Even kids with great parents can get involved with gangs, drugs, get knocked up, develop mental problems and refuse treatment, all sorts of stuff. So don’t be so quick to be judgemental unless you’ve been in this woman’s shoes—here’s looking at you, Joey and Ayn Rand.

This is a terrible story, and a horrible choice for a mother to make. But I think driving 1000 miles to TRY to get help for her kid is much better than her keeping the status quo and watching him continue to self-destruct. She HAD to do something. We can debate whether or not she did the right thing, and whether or not this could have been prevented, but I at least she took some form of action, and I for one hope things work out for both of them.

By sharon

October 28, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

After reading some of these comments it is easy to see why skin heads still exists. You people like to sit back and judge like your sh-t don’t stink when you have wackos plotting to kill a race of people. What kind of mother and father do you think they have? But I digress. Thank you Jessie’s Girl for being the voice of reason.

By My3Kids

October 28, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

someonewhocanempathize, I also just googled ODD. I had never heard about it until I read this blog.

My daughter’s doctors have never mentioned anything like that to me, but of every other diagnoses we have been given with her…that is the one that explains her the best. And she is/has had problems with the depression and aniexty. I don’t know, it may take another 30 doctors to get her all the help she needs but their are a few websites with ideas that may actually help at home more than or with the ones we have tried.

By KimH

October 28, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

It is a fact, according to the article I just read about this case, that the mother did not even know she was pregnant with the boy until the contractions started. The father was not around then, and has never been around the past 12 years.

Yet, Tysheema blames the “GA system” for failing her and her son.

I’m as compassionate as the next person, but there are far too many cases just like this that are created by accidental pregnancies, irresponsibility and plain bad parenting.

By tc30134

October 28, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Matthew 7:1

Luke 6:37

By Marguerite

October 28, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

I raised three stair-step boys, and yes, there were problems, most associated with the outside world being bigger than what I was providing, but I would NEVER, EVER drop my kids off somewhere for someone else to take care of. If you can lay down, you can pay down, take responsibility.

By janet

October 28, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Only one comment: Free Birth Control for all women and mandatory sterilization after the second unwed pregnancy.

By Proud Father

October 28, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Did this mother really take proactive steps and do everything in her power to help her son? I cannot and will not judge this mother. I can tell you this, parents that truly want to be parents, needs to step up and speak out and lobby the legislation to improve the system to truly help parents with problem children. Good insurance still is not good enough. It is not about excuses, did the child have a father or mother, because some of the worst children are children that come from successful parents, been married for 60 years, and gave to their child endlessly both financially and physically. Plus do not judge because alot of fathers are not part of their childrens life because the courts and system force them to run. A single mom or single father can rear a child successfully anyway. We parents need to join together and find successful ways to help problem children. Once again if you do not have the financial ability to get good help, their should be a way to ensure help to you and your child. A child is a gift from God and our future leaders. NO CHILD SHOULD BE LEFT BEHIND to include a child with problems. Lets fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.

Signed, Proud Father

By luzmejor

October 28, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Single women are given no support from the communities they live in. Of course they will eventually fail, even if their children are perfect angels. Loss of a husband, or his salary, is all it takes. We live in an exceptionably cruel society. It is every individual for himself.

By KimH

October 28, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

To Amy in the ATL and all the other self-described liberals who snidely insinuate that conservatives have no heart - just because conservatives temper their emotions with a little common sense, does not mean that they are not compassionate. Have you never heard of “tough love”? Also, it is well-documented that conservatives give far more of their money, time, and blood to charities than liberals do. So please get off your uninformed high horse.

By craig

October 28, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Just think next week Obama can help, help these folks to as he begins his plan of action

By Kristin

October 28, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Unfortunately, I have not been blessed with children, not for lack of trying. It is difficult to imagine making this kind of choice. I cannot and do not believe that this Mother exhausted all resources in Georgia to help her and her son. Instead of looking to the government for a handout, she should consider looking to church resources or other philanthropic support. How about a mentor from the Boys and Girls Club. Did she consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist and consider medication and counseling first? …Unimaginable.

By amy

October 28, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

That is a perfect example of a true mother’s instinct. She knew she was in over her head and had to get him help. I should be looking for ways to help folks in this situation, rather than worried that my kids need new jeans. Make me thankful for the WONDERFUL man I married. These kids need someone to fill in the gap for them.

By amy

October 28, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

That is a perfect example of a true mother’s instinct. She knew she was in over her head and had to get him help. I should be looking for ways to help folks in this situation, rather than worried that my kids need new jeans. Make me thankful for the WONDERFUL man I married. These kids need someone to fill in the gap for them.

By Ayn Rand was Right

October 28, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Huh, so it was ok for her to dump the kid on an government nanny, but not ok for the government to place the child in foster care??? What did she think they were going to do, wave a magic wand of good behavior over him. She’s lucky they didn’t put both of them into the penal system.

And no, I am not pro life, I am pro choice (about everything). I am also a former single mom, who opted to take responsibility while my ex, the donor, skipped out on his. I was blessed by God with an amazing child, that I am proud to take responsibility for each and every day, no matter how hard it gets.

I resent anyone who wants someone else to take responsibility for their actions, at the point of a gun. You didn’t earn my money, my child care, my housing, I did. Go get your own and maybe you will find a place deep inside of you that will be proud of what you were able to do with your own two hands.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do not take from other that which you are not willing to give yourself.

By Breezmom

October 28, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

My heart goes out to Ms. Brown & her family. It is tough raising kids in a society that basically “tells” you HOW to raise your child. Back in the day my parents didn’t spare the rod and as a result my 3 brothers and I are hardworking productive “citizens”. There is a difference in a spanking & child abuse. Time-out? That’s what you get when you go to jail; better to make a believer now than a convict later

By Becky

October 28, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

I think Jesses Girl, says it all..I can’t relate to what this lady has gone through, so I’m not one to judge..I just hope that all turns out well for all concerned in this matter..

By I've Been There

October 28, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

I don’t blame the mom at all. I’ve had a child who was out of control. I too had to lock up my bedroom door so she wouldn’t go in there and take anything. That is no way to live. People who look down on this woman must realize that she has another child and the behavior of this 12 y/o influences another child. I’m sure this mom loves her child and was only doing what she felt she needed to do. We don’t need another statistic here, something MUST be done. Hopefully the state of Georgia will choose to do something to help this family. If they do I honestly have to only believe that any help will be due to the light that has been placed on the state. I have to feel bad for the other parents that are out there that are facing the same situation with no hope given by the state programs.

By Proud Father

October 28, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

To all the bloggers: we are missing the point here. Once agian did this mother really exsaust everything in her power? Did she really make the right decision? Who cares where the father is, who’s to say he doesn’t have a good ligitimate excuse to not be a part of the child’s life. Do not judge anyone. Maybe this mother truly thought this was the best thing for her son. Maybe she was never reared or raised properly by her parents, maybe she did the best she could with her own mental ability or mental maturity.

I know from experience that you can be an awesome parent and still have a problem child. A problem child still needs more than just an awesome parent, they need the proper diagnosis from a licensed child psychologist/psychiatrist, maybe medication ect..ect.. all of this takes financial resources because I can assure you great medical insurance still wont cover it all and places like eagle ranch, insurance covers none of it. Eagle Ranch is great, eagleranch.org

We need to be able to have an organization for parents that want to be parents and want help. An organization that gives support, parental training and united parents to lobby legislation to truly help parents that are giving their whole life for their child and still needs assistance. Nobody deserves an easy way out, you had sex now assume the real responsibility of being a parent. But parents do need resources, advise and help. We are not talking about a free ride, we are talking about getting the georgia legislation to help parents with problem children.

Signed, proud father

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

ProudFather There is NO ligitimate excuse to not be a part of the child’s life, except maybe jail or a terminal illness and death.

A cowardly man runs from his own child(ren). A REAL man stays.

By Amy in the ATL

October 28, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

To Kim H:

Allow me to repeat one of your earlier biased comments:

“I’m as compassionate as the next person, but there are far too many cases just like this that are created by accidental pregnancies, irresponsibility and plain bad parenting.”

Stop judging, start listening, and if you and your fellow conservatives want to push family values on the rest of us, why don’t you actually ask yourself What Would Jesus Do? I’ll tell you what he would do: he would try and help out that mom and her kid, regardless of how the kid was conceived, what color his skin is, and whether his mom is married or not.

By Cynthia Armistead

October 28, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

I’m wondering why her younger child isn’t in foster care. If she’d drop one off, what about the second?

And what6 did she THINK would happen if she took the kid to Nebraska? Magical fairies would raise the boy? Why is she so set against foster care? I know there are some horror stories, but there are FAR more good foster parents than bad ones (despite the fact that Georgia doesn’t support them well, either).

I realize that we can’t know the whole situation, but I have to wonder if the mother has some sort of mental disability, based on the fact that she didn’t know she was pregnant until she went into labor.

I had two step-children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (aka Conduct Disorder). It is nasty, and there aren’t any medications for it. I’m always tempted to call it BAD.

There are behavioral interventions, but they relay heavily on a child’s parents. No matter how much a school or therapist does, the parents (and any other involved adults) have to be on duty and consistent 24/7 to have any hope of making a different with an ODD child. Our therapist told us that if a child isn’t over ODD by age 18, he frequently develops Antisocial Personality Disorder.

I actually wouldn’t mind allowing parents to give up their kids a la Nebraska, IF they were required to give up ALL of their kids and be surgically sterilized. Perhaps that would slow down some of the generational cycle of abuse and neglect.

By I'm a Troll Get off my Bridge!!!!

October 28, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

God you people suck…..do us all a favor and go jump off a building….all of you…idiots…..

By abc

October 28, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Please pardon if I repeat someone else’s post, as I’ve not read through them all.

The Nebraska Safe Haven law is not intended to handle unwanted adolescent children. It’s meant as an aid in preventing killing of infants. The child from Smyrna pertinent to this case is already on his way back to Georgia, sent by the state of Nebraska. He’ll become a ward of the state.

DFACS could have taken the child without the wild ride to Nebraska.

By Deb

October 28, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

I think we all need to remember this is a child and as a society we should be working together to put systems in place that can help a family in need.

People on this blog are very judgemental and do not understand the concerns with our foster care system. Because we don’t take responsibility as a society these type of issues will continue to happen.

In a lot of cases the dogs and cats in our society have safer havens then our children.

By Sandy

October 28, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

Both of my stepsons (of 7 years) were diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder two years ago. It has been horrendous, and even the psychologist said that a child can wreak havoc on a home. They have come very close to causing my husband and me to divorce, and it has only been the grace of God that has kept us together. If anyone is tempted to judge this woman, please refrain from doing so. I now understand that we do desperate things when we’re desperate. Chaos should not reign in a home, and it’s a very difficult situation.

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

SO, it really does take a Village to raise a child, Huh?

By Ayn Rand was Right

October 28, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this

Sorry to all if my last post was rash. It is so hard for me to listen to many who rush to support this adult woman. She abandoned her 12 year old child 1000 miles away from home. She didn’t take him to Boy’s Town or another Tough Love facility, she abandoned him in an emergency room. He knew it was what she was doing. Do any of you compassionate people take a minute to consider what this 12 year old child was thinking or feeling? This child may be a problem, he may have problems, but he is a child. He needs a mommy. One who loves him enough to discipline him, cherish him and stand by him.

No child should be abandoned by their parent. The world is too cruel of a place, without family. Maybe that is the mothers problem, she didn’t have the family support she needed. Now she has magnified the problems for both her self and her child.

I am angry at this adult woman who blames the state of Georgia for her problems. I am angry at this woman because she was too weak to stick with her child. I am angry at this woman because of the damage she did when she told her child he had to be expelled from the family.

There is no room for compassion for those too weak to accept their responsibilities, when their weaknesses impact the lives of those at their mercy.

By Ayn Rand was Right

October 28, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

And just imagine what must be going through the 7 year old’s mind.

By Angel

October 28, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

this text will be bolded I fully understand this mothers frustration. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage. One of the kids is bipoloar, adhd and the biological father is dying. He is on medications, he is in therapy. He has been in the mental hospital, a group home and in RYDC (twice) I cry, i plead, i pray. NONE of it helps. The juvi courts are over run. there has been laws set down for him and he has violated them, but yet doesn’t get his probation revoked and go back b4 the judge. If i didn’t love this child with my life - i might have done the same as this mom did. Its that love that keeps me from throwing him out of the house. He has others in such fear that they have to sleep with locked doors, the cops come again last night and i took out more charges…. cause he hit two different family members and he also fliped over some furniture. Then said it was all a joke and he was playing. Even threatened suicide even though he has been in the mental institution before. The biological father isn’t supportive in this either - said to beat his a** and he will change. NO ONE understands or seems to care the hell and pain that we go through on daily basises. Dont blame the mother till u have lived in her shoes.

We love the children but they need available to help them.

God bless every parent there is - nothing is harder than trying to do the best u can for your children.

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this

Ayn Rand was Right Thank you. I completely agree with your third paragraph!!!

By had enough

October 28, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

I went through the same thing with my son when he was younger. If I had known about “Boys Town”, I would have sent him there. No mother wants to see her child dead or in jail, but there is no help here in Georgia for troubled teens. My son is now 26 years old and was sentence to 5 years in 2004 for robbery (he was driving the car). It is not that she wants to give up her child, she is trying to save her childs life. They shouldn’t let him come home. They should let stay where he is and get the help that is needed for him. What happens when he gets home and, something terrible happens to this kid. Then what will DFACS do, nothing but say they are sorry. I feel for this lady because I begged and begged to try to get some help for my son, but that is not possible in Atlanta. No one cares. I’m praying that everything will work out for her.

By PJ

October 28, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

First of all, we or should I say his mom needs to look at the spiritual side of his behavior. If he is out of control with his behavior, there obviously is something else there that is not able to be seen in the natural. A lot of people talk about schizophrenia (multiple personalities) when they don’t understand that it could be triggered by demon spirits. This little boys behavior is obviously being triggered not only by the fact that his father is not around to teach him how to act and how to become a man, but it seems to me that there are some “spirits” hanging around that are influencing him.

By morekare

October 28, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

There should be “safe havens” for ALL troubled parents to get help for children no matter what the child’s age is. There are no questions asked safe havens for newborns of mothers, so why not for any child when a parent cannot care for their child? Rather than abusing a child, there should be safe places where a “no questions” asked policy will care for abandoned children no matter what the child’s age.

By joey

October 28, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

Angel,

If what you say is true, you deserve a helping hand.

However, the whining from the other single baby mama hos here is really reaching a painful level.

They should have done a better job picking the sperm donor, and really need to take responsibility for their actions. I did not tell you to spread your legs for the convict scum YOU let impregnate you. Did you really think you could change the baby daddy, make him love you…even sacrifice your own child trying????

By motherjanegoose

October 28, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

abc is correct. Raise your hand if you have been to Nebraska…do I see any hands….o.k. I will raise both of mine.

The Nebraska lawmakers are trying to straighten this law out as we speak. It has been on the news and they are talking about how this law was not meant for teenagers.

Here is a news flash about Nebraska…they are Heart of America Folks. They are Mom and Dad families that have solid values. They attend church and pray before meals. Their children do chores and have part time jobs. They volunteer at the neighborhood venues. They are farmers who put in LONG days.

( they know risk from crops and responsibility from harvest…no we cannot go to Disneyworld because everyone else is going…we have hay that needs to be baled…re: my previous post) They are the folks who the New Englanders dubbed as ignorant Midwesterners when the vote went the wrong way for the Democrats.

Get in your car Atlanta…go and see the breadbasket of our country…take a look at the wheat and corn that covers acres of land. Observe that there are no fancy cars….half million dollar houses, IPODS, cell phones and way too much bling on teenagers. See that the foreclosure rate on houses is very low as these folks do not bite off more than they can chew. Check out their credit scores….they are excellent…they have earned their wealth through hard work. Why is this? Because these folks have solid values. These folks work for what they get. They all pitch in together and rear children to be respectful and hard working. They have manners and are respectful!

Can anyone tell me what FFA stands for…if so, you may know the teens in the midwest. They are not the same as our teens. My own kids had no idea what this was.
Who here has gotten up at 5:00 a.m., as a teen, to milk cows or bale hay…anyone care to join me in raising my hand?
Is it really fair to dump all of our problems on Nebraska…I am not pointing fingers or asking about color or marital status.

I am wondering why any of us think we can move our problems into someone else’s back yard?

You better believe we have to figure out how to fix this ourselves.

Would we like it if everyone dumped their kids in our state?

I have NOT walked in this mother’s shoes and know she is afraid and at her whit’s end but is it really fair to unburden herself on another state due to an error in their law?

Just my 2 cents worth…I have been to Nebraska several times and those folks are grass roots people who do not deserve to be dumped on…I say this will all due respect….. we need to find another way to help this mom out.

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

Joey Why is it always the woman’s fault for choosing a rotten man? Why is it always the woman’s fault the man ran off and left her with the kids, the house, the bills, etc? Why is the woman always the one who stays and cleans up the mess, and then has to explain to the kids why daddy isn’t around? Can you please give me an honest adult answer?

Why don’t men take responsibility more seriously? It takes two to make a baby. Yet the man is allowed to leave, not be responsible financially, and do as he pleases? Then the woman gets kicked to the curb for picking the wrong guy? WTF??? I get so sick of hearing this from you “men”. Like I said before, a REAL man stays and honors his committment. A coward runs.

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Oh and one more thing, and I tell my kids this, both boys and girls. If YOU do not want the responsbility of a child, then YOU take the precautions to prevent a pregnancy. Use a condom, or some sort of birth control. Don’t leave that responsibility to the other person. Take personal responsibility for YOUR actions, because they do have consequences.

By jct

October 28, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

Wow, some of these comments amaze me. I would like that about 98% of kids are good – meaning they well mannered, behaving sometimes acting out but there is still control and a level of accountability. However, I believe that there are about 2% of the population of kids that are just crazy (for lack of better word) and out of control. This can happen in any type of household – two parent, single parent, higher income, lower income, etc. It has been my experience that if you have a child with serious problems that require multiple services that you are out of luck in Georgia.

Have you looked in the telephone book to try and find a psychologist or psychiatrist that deals with serious adolescent issues? There are few in this area that can deal with the hardcore stuff. I don’t think the schools should try to take on this issue. Schools should try to be the expert in the area of education. Try calling DFACS. Not to give up your child but ask for resources in your area. They are the Department of Children and Families after all. Hit that brick wall. I have watched a friend who has an out of control child who continues to try to get help. It’s terrible to see what this has done to her family and marriage. Hopefully, the family with weather this storm.

I guess if you or someone close to you has gone through the heart ache and misery that goes with trying to raise an out of control child, you can’t empathize.

By Becky

October 28, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

DFACS in the state of GA. is a joke..They are not there to help people, all the are for is to be a*******es..

By Becky

October 28, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

Future Farmers of America…

By NoZee1

October 28, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

I would like to remind everyone that in this day and age you cannot punish your child unless you are willing to go to prison. My daughter spanked her son, age 12, for cursing at her, trying to rape his younger sister, stealing meds, getting in trouble in school, etc.. She hit him three times with a belt, on the butt, on orders from her then husband, and did 5 years in prison. When you are unable to correct children and give them CONSEQUENCES for bad behavior, you have a big chance of bad behavior turning into criminal behavior. I am not for child abuse, but I grew up getting a swat on the butt and so did my children. The only one who ever got into any trouble was the one who tried to control an out of control son. Wake up America, our children no longer respect rules, know the meaning of NO, know how to handle competition, and most importantly expect to be freely given everything on a platter because otherwise life isn’t fair. Maybe if this mother had been free to correct her son when he was small he would show some respect for her and the law now.

By abc

October 28, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

Boy’s Town is not for problem children per se, although many if not most of them that are there are problem children. Children from families broken by crime, addictions, etc. are what Boy’s Town exists for, or orphans.

MotherJaneGoose is spot-on about the differences between the Midwest and here. I’m from Omaha originally. If you think you’re appalled at this case, consider what Nebraskans must think about it. Certainly, they can’t imagine how on earth it could come to pass. But this kid isn’t the first case — there have been 20 cases just since July, almost all involving children from out-of-state.

Personally, I would have said that boomers were the worst parents to ever come down the pike, but X’ers are even worse, by and large. I don’t think, though, that in this particular case, one can say an unwed baby mama fits anyones conventional definition of ‘parent’.

By dennis

October 28, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

This is so ironic. All the comments regarding the mother should have know not to have a child because she could not take care of him. Use the same logic for the Georgia water issue…do not build an infrastucture unless you can support it. Now…let’s go get the Tennessee river.

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

Future Farmers of America!!! (and don’t forget 4-H as well). I was a member of both back in 1974-1977, in high school, in Colorado.

By Cupcake

October 28, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

There is an old Native American saying that no one can know what a person goes through until he has walked a mile in his shoes. I found this story to be saddening, as the mother had to make a decision to drive 1,000 miles to find help for her son. Having a child out of wedlock does not guarantee out-of-control behavior any more than having 2 parents guarantees that a child will behave like a choir boy. I am glad to see that at least this woman cared enough to do something other than turn her cheek (as many comments have suggested we all do) and ignore the growing issues. Can you imagine how the mother must have felt when her middle-school age son came home from a lockup “scare tactic” and instead of being “scared straight” found the whole experience humorous? I got a chill down my spine when I read that. She apparently felt that she was at her wit’s end. Any of you who judge her or find her wanting, care to step up and assist? Care to take the child into your home and show him what he needs to see? Pray for the mother, pray for the son to find guidance and to all of you who judge… let he without sin cast the first stone.

By NavyMom

October 28, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

We can argue until we are blue in the face our opinions but the bottom line is WHEN YOU DECIDE TO HAVE KIDS YOU SHOULD DECIDE TO RAISE THEM. I am not judging this lady because when my son was younger there were TIMES not a time when I felt the same way. But as a mother I could never see driving anywhere dropping my child off as if it were an unwanted pet.

I agree with Ayn Rand…it’s not the State’s responsibility to care for unruly kids whom parents feel they can’t handle. As tax payers we are taxed enough for things we WILL NEVER benefit from. While I sympathize with this mother I don’t agree with what she did. If that child is returning to her he will either be p** off or have had a wake up call. At any rate I think more parents need to stop making excuses for their BAD ASZ KIDS AND BEAT THE *ELL OUT OF THEM. Some parents allow their kids too much freedom and when it goes wrong they don’t understand.

For those of you who didn’t do the math and attributing it to her being a teen parent that not always the case if she were a teen parent. 41 with a 23 year old and he is RESPONSIBLE AND PRODUCTIVE and ge was also THREE HANDS FULL AS A CHILD.

By NavyMom

October 28, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

We can argue until we are blue in the face our opinions but the bottom line is WHEN YOU DECIDE TO HAVE KIDS YOU SHOULD DECIDE TO RAISE THEM. I am not judging this lady because when my son was younger there were TIMES not a time when I felt the same way. But as a mother I could never see driving anywhere dropping my child off as if it were an unwanted pet.

I agree with Ayn Rand…it’s not the State’s responsibility to care for unruly kids whom parents feel they can’t handle. As tax payers we are taxed enough for things we WILL NEVER benefit from. While I sympathize with this mother I don’t agree with what she did. If that child is returning to her he will either be p** off or have had a wake up call. At any rate I think more parents need to stop making excuses for their BAD ASZ KIDS AND BEAT THE *ELL OUT OF THEM. Some parents allow their kids too much freedom and when it goes wrong they don’t understand.

For those of you who didn’t do the math and attributing it to her being a teen parent that not always the case if she were a teen parent. 40 with a 23 year old and he is RESPONSIBLE AND PRODUCTIVE and He was also THREE HANDS FULL AS A CHILD.

By Proud Father

October 28, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

Sugar, You really don’t want to continue to speak like someone that is uneducated. I am a proud father of 4 girls, 2 of a previous marriage and 2 of my marriage now. I fought for custody of my 2 daughters until I was in financial ruin and was out of blood and oxygen for life. I could tell you my life story but we dont have enough time. I was in 2 fathers rights groups and 1 non-custodial parents rights group which also consist of women who lost custody to the fathers. I can tell you this due to experience, the judicial system even today is unbalanced and unfair for all non-custodial parents. Fathers rarely in Georgia get custody. Fathers get treated like a sperm donor in their face when they are the non-custodial parents, If you take the children to the doctor, school ect with mom who is the primary custodial parent, usually dad gets threated like a visitor. Child support is commpletely outrougous and mom is held to no accountability to where the money goes. I do not lump all women together but their are some women who never spend a dime on the children and has the kids to get dad to get them shoes and clothes on his weekend. Mom doesnt want to work so opps.. dad you get taken back to court to have your child support increased and wham… now dad is paying even more because mom thinks dad owes her for life because she gave him sex at one time. Shall I continue? You don’t have enough time. I know a woman whose father got custody and because he has money, she dont even get to see the child, oh wait the court system is perfect and fair.. i’m sorry.. I could tell you horror stories of being a non-custodial parent, part time dad trying to be a father.

By Becky

October 28, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

NoZee1, boy did hit the nail right on the head..I grew up knowing that my Mother would of beat the crap out of me for a third of the stuff that kids do now, therefore I stayed out of trouble..Like you, I don’t believe in child abuse, but kids should have some fear of getting in trouble & they don’t..

I’m so sorry for what your daughter went through..

By bettertrynow

October 28, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

I am appalled at the way some of you bloggers are making this a joke. This is a social issue that needs be addresses. Think about it, if there is no help for this child now, where will he be in 10 years? …not my responsibility?? Maybe not right now, but very soon he will be. When you are in court, testifying as A victim, you will blame the state for his numerous arrests and no convictions… You should stop being so judgmental. I know from past experience that when your child decides he is going to do what he wants to do and no one can stop him, your only choice (thru much, much research) is military school. What if you can’t afford it?
Then what? The state will step in if you hit the child, but they do nothing if the child Hits you…You are a 5’5 110 lb woman, he is a 6’1, 175 lb 15 year old that does what He wants…now what. They can arrest you if he decides not to go to school…you Can’t make him go…now what…You can’t throw him out of the house, according to the police, That’s illegal…He can call the police on you at anytime if you even threaten him, but when he threatens you, you need to take responsibility for him.

The state is quick to tell you how to raise your child and pass laws on it, but what about When they don’t work. No one has anything to say then other than, “not my problem”… So here’s what I say to all of you pointing your fingers…I know what this child is capable Of, I’ve seen the lack of compassion in his dead eyes. Yep, he is my problem for 2 more Years but you (society) just wait…yep,…just wait…

If we had the resources to handle this before then, shouldn’t we??

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Proud parent You do not need to preach to me. I know the whole system, trust me. I’ve been on BOTH sides of that fence.

My previous marriage, I had a step daughter. We paid child support, and we had the child every other weekend. It killed my then husband to only be allowed to see his child 4 days a month. 4 DAYS. We never took his ex to court, but instead we talked to her, AS ADULTS, and we were allowed more time with the child.

He and I had child together, and since have divorced. I have not received ONE DIME OF COURT ORDERED child support from him. Nor has he bothered to be a part of our child’s life. I have remarried and have a wonderful husband and two kids with him.

Don’t preach to me about custody. If you were really concerned about your kids, then you would have fought the system, and gotten more. My cousin got joint custody of both his kids, every other week. He went through HELL, but won!!! So don’t give me that crap, and don’t call me uneducated.

By Proud Father

October 28, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

Sugar: I have fought for my kids for the last 12 years. Called DFACS on her 1,000 times for really really good reasons. I have joint legal and physical custody which is *hit, just wishful rights is all it is. I get my kids when ever I want to but in reality how can someone pay a large amount of child support, see the kids alot, have to buy them food, entertainment, clothes, shoes ect. because mom doesnt spend child support on them.. Wait she hasnt worked a job in 10 years..OMG… I (two weeks ago) had one of my daughters for 3 months striaght because she is too much trouble for mom and still payed the full amount of child support. Daughter calls mom 3 months later crying that dad is too strict and mom comes running to pick her up. Then daughter gets in trouble and now has to attend a school for troubled kids. I had to file bankruptcy 12yrs ago because of the legal bills of fighting for custody. I took a year off from work, lobbied the GA Legislation to change and improve the Georgia child custody laws and had articles written on me by the Atlanta Journal, Marietta Daily Journal and was interviewed by channel 2 news for my fight. So I can inidate every reader on the child support/cutody issue but trust me we dont have enough time or space on this blog.

By Becky

October 28, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

Proud Father, I’m sorry for what you went through..I hope that one day your children will appreciate you for all that you’ve done for them..

By motherjanegoose

October 28, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

Interesting reading today and I am proud that 2 of you knew what FFA stands for.

I have been inside of schools from New Jersey to Arizona, from Florida to Alaska, from northern Minnesota to south Texas. I have seen thousands of children. Some have serious problems ( my heart goes out to these families) but many are the result of parenting.

When we were first married and had young children , my husband thought I was WAY too strict…. A few years ago he told me how he was wrong and I was right…they needed the boundaries and routine. He sees how so many kids are acting up today!

Yesterday, I was told of a parent ( in an upscale area) who is having problems with her baby ( now 4). She has to spoon feed him and dance a little dance to get him to eat. HELLO? Give him a bowl of chicken noodle soup…if he is hungry he will eat and if not he will be hungry when he gets up in the morning! Also, he cannot clean up or pick up because “it hurts my muscles…”. ( FYI no physical ailment here…just his reason).
Well, this needs to be nipped in the bud or the problem will compound itself.

Nurture vs nature is an age old fight!

Just my opinion!

By Becky

October 28, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

Why wouldn’t anyone know what FFA means? OK, anyone over the age of 10..

By Sugar

October 28, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

Proud Father Does your ex provide a HOME for your kids? Does she put food on the table? Do they wear clothes? Do they have transportation? If so, then somehow or other your child suport is being spent on the kids. It doesn’t matter if she directly takes your check, cashes it and immediately pays a bill with it. The fact is those kids have a roof over their head, food on the table, and love. Whether the exact amount you provide is spent on the kids or not, they are provided for by their mother.

AND you are NOT paying her, you are helping out financially with your own kids, since your ex-wife has lost YOUR income and is now trying to eke out a living on her salary alone. Or if she hasn’t worked in 10 years, then you are still providing for YOUR children financially. I admire you for that, you are a REAL man!!!

We could go back and forth all evening, but I realy don’t care to.

I admire all you have done for your kids. I know it’s a hard road to travel, but in the end, they are what really matters, right?

By DB

October 28, 2008 5:41 PM | Link to this

I cannot even imagine what was going through this woman’s mind or her son’s mind when she drove away and left him in Nebraska. It breaks my heart for both of them.

By Gwinnett Parent

October 28, 2008 6:11 PM | Link to this

The parent has not had anyone in the school system or court system that was willing to really work hard with the parent on the child’s behalf. They all just keep tossing ineffective solution after solution at the child. This happens to so many parents — when will the schools and courts wake up ? Many parents are trying so hard to understand and get help and there is a shortage of people who are willing to stick their necks out and work for kids over the long haul — trying new solutions and angles that may work for the child. But hey, here in Gwinnett — the Superintendent doesn’t even agree that there is such a thing as a school to prison pipeline. I would suggest that this story illustrates just how easily things can go wrong and how complicit the courts and schools really are, regardless of good or bad intentions.

By CRobinson

October 28, 2008 6:27 PM | Link to this

anybody interested in actually helping the situation? As a black man with kids of his own I don’t have much time, but if some other men would like to share a mentoring role with this child, I’d be more than willing to assist in as much as I can.

By justine

October 28, 2008 6:43 PM | Link to this

A few weeks ago we witnessed parents being brought into court and charged because their teenage children would not attend school. I remember one mother stating she dropped her child at school but the child would leave. In many ways the State makes these types of actions (leaving child) necessary. And I truly wish people would stop acting as if only single parents have problems. Many bad children come from two parent homes. Many great ones from single parent homes. Let us never forget that Joe Biden was a single parent for a while.

By nypeach

October 28, 2008 7:26 PM | Link to this

I am a single, divorced mom of a 13 year old girl who became more and more difficult to handle each year. I took her to counseling, spent countless hours talking to her, signed her up for every extracurricular activity I could think of and she still threw temper tantrums, sulked and defied me at every turn. I thought I was going to kill her I was so frustrated and just plain mad. I then did the hardest thing I have ever had to do: I called her father and told her to come get her. She has been with her dad for about a month. His wife works from home and he has a lot of flexibility with his job, so our daughter has a lot of supervision. She asked to come home after the first two weeks and i told her absolutely not. I cried every night because I missed her so much, but I seriously thought I would punch this kid in her chest if she sucked her teeth one more time or slammed one more door. I am so blessed that her dad and stepmom were willing and able to take her. They are fresh and ready for battle, and I am slowly regaining my strength and perspective. All three adults work together as a team and my daughter knows she cannot divide and conquer. But my God it was hard raising this kid who was more defiant that I could ever imagine being at that age. I am college-educated, have a great career, am black and hispanic and live in a great neighborhood. I am not a baby mama, don’t smoke weed or have 10 kids for 7 different men. so please stop with the code words with the mother in the article. And for all the bloggers who think this woman didn’t do enough or should have fixed the problem on her own, you have absolutely no idea what lengths she went to to try to save her child. But at the end of the day, you have to admit when you are over your head or someone will get hurt.

By GG

October 28, 2008 7:27 PM | Link to this

I could NEVER give up my child. If it got to the point that he/she was impossible to handle,there are ways to take care of that. You go to court and have them declared incorrigible. The state will then place them in a home for difficult children.

I believe that if a child is raised the right way, then there shouldn’t be a problem, unless it’s mental, in which case again, the state can step in, once the child is diagnosed. If you are just tired of “dealing with the kid”, that is no reason. Teach the child discipline and stick to your rules. If they choose to disobey, send them to a foster home for awhile. They’ll be promising to behave before you know it. I know this from experience with a friend who was left to raise her young brother when her parents died. He was awful. A couple of months in a group home put him on the right track, and he was a “perfect” kid after that. But to leave a kid permanently because of behavior problems will only cause MORE problems with the child, such as abandonement issues.

By Ora Esters

October 28, 2008 7:54 PM | Link to this

My heart goes out to Ms. Brown for the difficult decision she felt she had to make. The right decisions are often the toughest and hardest decisions to make. Yet, we must make them and hope and pray that things will work out. I will be praying for her and all other parents who feel they are in the same or similar situation.

By motherjanegoose

October 29, 2008 6:36 AM | Link to this

Becky…are you in metro Atlanta….we are citified and many do not understand rural areas. Since we are talking about a child who moved from Atlanta to Nebraska…I gave that example. Just like there are many ( here in Atlanta) who do not understand the difference between a bull and a steer and which one would be preferred for a good steak….Nebraskans know this but would probably not know what MARTA stands for….just an fyi. Our daily lifestyle is180 degrees apart.

By anyoneofthe3giarussokids

October 29, 2008 7:14 AM | Link to this

I uh…think it’s great..uh that a mommie would give up her kids….if she cant handle them….I’d love to go to nebraska too, it’s nice there (help) sometimes a kid should just get away from their unstable mommies(help,help)

By parent

October 29, 2008 8:22 AM | Link to this

Oh Please. How do you think this child felt — his mother basically told him she didn’t want him. She tossed him to the street curb. In one article, the school officials stated that they offered counseling and she turned it down. Georgia didn’t fell her — she fell her son. She had an idea in her head as to what’s best and it didn’t matter what others say.

By Cindy

October 29, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

I feel that this mothere is doing everything she can to keep her son out of trouble. It is a shame that you can’t get help for our kids here in Ga., but I am in the same situation I have a daughter that is a Honor Roll student they have been raised the same way. I have tried to get help for my son for 3 years now, and every door gets shut in my face. I know exactly where she is coming from. You see all the commercials that all you need to do is call, not true. In Ga. when you call for help it is always are they on probation?, or have a juvenile record?well no that is what I’m trying to prevent. So don’t judge this mother until you have been in a situation like hers, I have and it really hurts.

By voca

October 29, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

It’s funny how the system only wants to step in when it draws media attention. No one but the mother knows what she has been going through with this child. It’s easy to sit in judgement until the shoe is on the other foot. I’m she did try to find help but was ignored so she did what she thought was the best thing. It’s her decision to make not the states.

By Christy

October 29, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

You know, if she would beat the hell out of him, it would be child abuse, but since she chose to put him in state custody to try and correct his ill behavior now it’s abandonment. I am so grateful my children are grown and doing well now with their own children, I could not raise a child in today’s society, because everyone is trying to tell you how to raise the child, if you spank them like the bible instructs you to do it’s called child abuse, and if you don’t and they grow up and get out there in the streets the police will beat the breaks off them which at times has resulted in death, but that’s ok? Trust me the headlines for this story would have read so differently!

By ForGoodnessSake

October 29, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

My gosh, some of these comments are outrageous. Some of you are acting as if only “bad” children are from single parent homes and the “great” ones are from married homes. There are tons of great children, now adults that were raised by single parents and tons of “bad” ones from married parents. Being a married parent does not guarantee that your children won’t be unruly or wind up as jailbirds, murderers…And race has nothing to do with it!!! As a mother I would not drop my children off in state custody. The state children’s services can be worse off for the child. However, I am not in that mother’s shoes. School counseling, are kidding me? You saw what the paid counseling did…diagnosed the child and let him be… This is more than just a mother dropping off her child. Hopefully this is a catalyst for change in GA Child Services. The real victim in all of this is the child. If his mother can’t do it, gosh, shouldn’t there be help somewhere? Imagine if we all pitched in and cared a little about each other. Rather than looking at the bad, we should say what can we do? This boy could be the one that save your life one day. You never know. And as far as tax dollars, I rather pay my tax dollars helping out someone who is asking for help for her child than some of the other things our tax dollars are being used for. And as far as God being the judge for this mother…Guess what, none of are perfect and he will judge us all so be careful before you cast stones at anyone.

By Ted

October 29, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

The kid and the mother need the s,,, beat out of them, and thats the bottom line !

By Maria

October 29, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

If the kid is a behavior problem she has no right to dump her problem on to the Nebraska’s authoritities, she should had dealt with it herself or send him to boot camp to teach a good lesson and if that would have failed, she should give the kid up to Georgia’s authoritities not bring him all the way to Nebraska. I as a mother can’t see myself giving up a kid for economy or behavior reason, but I do understand that sometimes people just can’t take it anymore like in this woma’s case.

By Sarah

October 29, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

To correct problems such as this we’d have to be able to travel back in time and I don’t think we have the ability to do so. Look how much pressure society, by society I mean the people we live around; family, people whose lives intersect with ours on a constant basis an sometimes strangers. The pressure society puts on people to have children. To have children when you’re not intellectually, emotionally or finacially fit to have a child. You’re made to feel as if something is wrong with you for not wanting to procreate. Tell someone you’ve been married for nine years and are childess by CHOICE and see how they look at you. This woman had no business even having kids in the first place. I’d venture to say a huge majority of women who have kids shouldn’t. Some couples put more thought into having or not having a dog than they do having a child. Perhaps they think if the dog doesn’t work out they can always put it in a shelter or take to to a country road and let the poor creature out. This is what’s happening here. ” On second thought the kid didn’t work out so I am returning him/her.” There are women that are on this blog on a regualr basis whom I’ve read tell childless people they have no right to an opinion concerning childrearing if you don’t have one your self. Excuse me, but I have to live in the same world and often on the same street with your kids so yes, how you parent them is my business. Bad parenting can and will affect my life. I’m sick and tired of being married and being asked why I don’t have kids as if I need to put a ” out for repairs ” sign around my neck to explain the status of my uterus. At first I was nice and just nodded and said it’s my choice not to at this time. Now, having been asked that countless numbers of times by inconsiderate people I reply I have never met a kid that made me want to have one. That shuts them up. Stop putting pressure on people to have kids when you don’t their emotional state. Stop acting superior because you’ve procreated. Stop assuming childless people have no rights to an opinion about raising kids because we have to live in the same world your offspring lives in and sometimes the horrible mistakes people who should have never had a kid in the first place make, in poor parenting, can greatly and directly impact my life.

By Jennifer

October 29, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

I feel horrible for this family. However, the problems probably began when this child was 2 or 3 years old and was not required to obey his mother. I wish parents would get it figured out that if kids don’t have to obey when they are very young they are not going to listen to anyone when they are old and the consequences for their behavior is much worse. It is okay to say NO to your child. It is okay to demand respect from your child. It is okay to have them behave in a way that respects and honors others and not just themselves.

By Cindy

October 29, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

I unfortunately have a family member that had 2 children taken from her by the state (this is Indiana) and put in the ‘system’. I was unaware of this going on as I live in a different state and have had little contact with my sister. I recently was able to get in contact with my niece and nephew - by many calls to the state of Indiana. I am going to Indiana next week to see them. The unfortunate thing is that they cannot understand why their mother would give them up. They keep asking me this! (My niece is the same age - 12 years old.) Both children have severe emotional problems as a result. My niece has been in over 25 foster care homes over the last few years. It is horrible! To think the state of Nebraska is going to be a better parent than the mother…you must be naive as to what happens to children when something like this happens. I wish the mother would rethink this and give it another try to raise her child. As children need their mother more than we adults realize.

By ConNie

October 29, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

It sure is a lot of racists on this blog.

By TMR

October 29, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

As a step-parent to a child with behavioral problems, my heart goes out to this mother. The schools, the state and the mental health agencies truly do not understand the disruption chaos and stress that living with children who have behavioral problems can cause. We had our son in a well respected medical treatment facility and he completely fooled them! Not once, but twice. He fell apart ten times worse after his two admissions there than he was before we sent him. Thankfully, we were financially able to get our son the help he needs and now he is at a private school for kids with ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder, in North Georgia. They are wonderful and he has made great progress. I don’t know what we would of done without them or our financial security. I can truly see and understand why this mom took the drastic measures she did. I only hope that instead of the state funding needless foster care programs, and individual therapy, they work out an agreement with a residential therapeutic boarding school and truly give this boy the help that he needs.

By Denise

October 29, 2008 5:14 PM | Link to this

I’m not a mother (yet) so I cannot relate. I do feel that I can sympathize. I cannot even imagine the hell this mother has gone thru and what she will continue to go thru - including being judged by people who don’t know her whole situation.

You never know what a parent goes thru even if you are a parent. Read what some of these posters are saying about their children! And not everyone is a single parent that is poor and black. These are people with means, people we’d normally call “good parents” and they are still struggling and begging for help. Now what? We can’t use “bad parenting” as an excuse.

Some people are just chemically imbalanced and when they are and are not treated, the impacts are serious. Hell, I have bipolar disorder and if I don’t take my medicine it’s a fool. I was fortunate enough to be diagnosed as an adult (22) and was quickly treated. I cannot imagine what it would be like for ANYONE had I not got immediate treatment.

I can’t judge this woman because I know what an untreated person with mental illness can be like.

By catlady

October 29, 2008 6:17 PM | Link to this

I agree with Jennifer. What I have seen (as a teacher, 35 years) are parents who think it is funny when their 2 year old hits them, says when they act defiant they are “just being all-boy”, etc. These same parents are “horrified” when the cute baby becomes a difficult 8 year old and a defiant 12 year old. As a twig is bent the tree inclined….

There ARE kids with mental health issues. I happen to think it is a lot fewer than what people would think, however.

Parenting is 24/7 from the day of birth. No excuses, no breaks, no orders for perfect children. Total investment. If you are not willing to do so, don’t have kids. No second chances, no do-overs.

By Jennifer

October 29, 2008 6:19 PM | Link to this

I’m a single mom of an 8 year old boy. I got pregnant at 19, gave birth at 20. Guess what?? He’s still in my home. I worked two jobs and got my associates degree. I am now 28 and have less than a year left and I will have my bachelors from Kennesaw State. Was it hard? yes. Did I cry? yes. But he is my son. I made the decision to get pregnant and keep him, so I take it, good and bad in raising him. Granted he’s only 8, not 12, however he’s respectable, smart. He’s my pride and joy, even on the not so good days…I would rather put him in a boot camp or military school than drop him off at a random hospital if it ever got that bad. I know boarding schools are expensive. Ever heard of peace or job corps? sigh I don’t know. I know it was a difficult decision for her, however I just feel like there are other options. She’s trying…at least she’s out there finding out about the GA programs, even if she decides not to go with them. There must be a reason. Good luck to her and her son.

By motherjanegoose

October 29, 2008 6:59 PM | Link to this

Jennifer…congratulations and I wish you the best of luck. I am proud of you!

Catlady…here is what I do… My daughter and I ate a Mimi’s by the MOG last night. A table across from us had children in and out of high chairs and running around the entire evening. A table next to us had a 1 year old who colored and ate quietly in his high chair. When we were leaving, I stopped by the one year old’s table and said, WHAT A NICE LITTLE BOY YOU HAVE HERE…SUCH WONDERFUL MANNERS,…. I say it in a loud voice so the other family is bound to hear that parents who have control of their children should be complimented and admired…can’t hurt!

By ronnie

November 6, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

I don’t think that we should be so quick to judge. There could be plenty wrong with this child, none of which has to do with bad parenting.

I live a case in point. I have an 8 year old son that is profoundly mentally retarded. My wife and I take good care of our son. However, he’s starting show aggressive tendencies — tendencies that may soon get him kicked out of school, if we can’t find the right interventions. Currently, we’re looking at behavioral interventions. Once we exhaust those, we’ll probably be forced to look at medical interventions.

In any case, my son is never going to be able to take care of himself. He will always require support in order to survive. He’s never going to be capable of independent living. At best, he might be able to live in a semi-dependent arrangement. It’s not unlikely though that he’ll be completely dependent, requiring a full-time structured facility.

I am 35 years older than my son. I intend to take care of him for as long as I can. However, there will come a day when I am too old to take care of him. So what am I to do at that point? He has no sibs or cousins. And there’s no amount of money that my wife and I can earn today that will provide for him for the rest of his days, which presumably will number 35 years.

That’s only going to leave us one real option: ward of the state. At some point, I am going to have to turn his care over to the state. Although I intend to find a group home for him in his early-adult years, somebody is going to have to administer his case and oversee his care especially when my wife and I are in our declining years.

And, unless we are able to get a handle on his aggression now, that day may come sooner than we had anticipated. At 8 years old and 60 pounds, I can restrain him. However, when he’s 17 years old and 150 pounds (and I’m 52 years old), that may well be a different story. I would hate to think that the only choice I have at that point is to wait for the criminal justice system to intervene.