MOMania

By Susan

September 18, 2008 7:40 AM | Link to this

My son was diagnosed with severe mental illness when he was 19. The past eight years were a complete roller coaster until a few months ago, when he gave up coffee and caffeinated beverages. His constant mood swings abated, and he is now planning a more independent life. Parents of children of all ages, please consider removing caffeine from your children’s lives. At least then you will know which behavior is coming from your children and which is chemically induced.

By ebaby

September 18, 2008 7:56 AM | Link to this

When I became depressed as a teen, my mom noticed almost inmediately. I think the signs that she most noticed were that my circle of friends had been greatly reduced almost over night, I was sleeping all the time, and I was hardly talking anymore. Her solution was to send me away for the summer to a great vacation spot in the Caribean to just get away. It helped me tons. Thankfully, I didnt need more treatment. Just knowing that someone had noticed and had cared enough to find a solution made me feel a million times better.

When my sister was in college, she became very depressed and luckily relied on her family. She would call more often and got herself out of the situation that was dperessing her ASAP. She was at an ivey league and felt like the only need-based scholarship person there. The culture shock was too much for her to bare. She eventually found friends that were more concerend with her mind than her wardrobe and was able to pull herself out of it without medication too. I remember her depression vividly- driving to visit her at school with my parents and just having some warm family time.

By Smart Ace

September 18, 2008 8:19 AM | Link to this

I have never delt with depression….well except for my uncle….but he is depressed because he is overly religious and he constantly thinks the world is going to end….so he is pretty much an outcast in my family.

As far as mental illness is concerned the closest I come to relating to that is that both my brother and I were diagnosed at an early age with Attention Deficit. My brother actually has ADHD while I only have ADD without the hyperactivity. We’ve both taken medication for years and it helps me when I need to focus particularly on menial tasks.

By Theresa

September 18, 2008 8:25 AM | Link to this

Smart ace — did you feel a stigma with the ADHD/ADD? I think you’e probably late 20s, early 30 — do you think there’s a stigma now for kids? Did you tell others what was goin on wtih you?

By deidre_NC

September 18, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

both of my daughters have a mild bipolar disorder-the older one is a little worse than the 16 yo. neither of them are on meds for it. the older one has been but hates it and they both do a great job of trying to contain the manic-depressive moods they get into. both have had therapy-and it did help. neither wants to be on meds for it and thats ok with me as long as it doesnt wreck their lives. it is sad to see my them when they are in their up moods and they know its only temporary-they know soon they will plummet. its really heartbreaking. but they do handle it well imo. their friends and the younger ones teachers all understand whats going on and they act accordingly. it took a long time for this to happen. my mom was bipolar and that was in the day that they really didnt know what to do. at least now we can understand that its not just being a crazy bi*ch—my younger son has bouts of depression-he learned to self medicate and is paying for that in a bad way. soon he will start going to a therapist. i pray a lot-thats what i know helps.

By JJ

September 18, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

Morning All….

I get to lurk again today, as I have never really been depressed. Once in a while I get “blue”, but not very often.

I have a happy child, and she has never shown any signs of depression either.

I may chime in later. Ya’ll have a great day.

By Smart Ace

September 18, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

@Theresa

I’ll be 31 tomorrow.

Well I don’t know if I felt a stigma per se during the times when I was in school.

I was pretty open about having ADD all through school and the other kids were pretty accepting of that….which is interesting considering I grew up in East Cobb.

I find that there is more of a stigma attached to having ADD as an adult. My first job out of college I think treated me differently after they found out I had ADD it is almost like they thought I was incabable of performing my job well and they scrutinized my work heavily because of it even though I am on medication and it works like it should.

I am very careful who I tell about my ADD in my new job.

By la de da

September 18, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

As a person that has been depressed as long as I can remember, there are two things that really bug me. One is that people think that it is outside factors that cause the condition, and the other is the stigma that people assign to depression.

If I hear someone say that a person has nothing to be depressed about again, I’m going to scream! That’s the entire problem. You feel down and there isn’t really a good reason that you should feel that bad.

The misunderstanding leads to the stigma. Since people don’t understand why you are down then they think you are a snob or nuts or have too high expectations. This hurts even more. you already feel alone for no good reason, and then some people shun you when you need the most support.

My break through point was when I realized that it wasn’t ok to feel that bad all the time. I would just literally curl up and cry like the world was on my chest. A good friend spent the time to talk to me when I was down and helped me realize that I needed to find professional help.

I am on medication, and likely always will be. It made me feel normal again. I don’t have the crushing feelings of sad for no reason.

If you think your kid might be depressed, try to ask leading questions. Are you ok today? What’s wrong? Let them know that it is alright to feel that way and that they can talk to you any time. Straight up asking them if they are depressed might be touchy because of the stigma of it.

hope that helps.

By bobbi

September 18, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

When I was a teen I was very depressed. I even went as far as cutting myself and trying to commit suicide. Luckily,none of the attempts succeeded and left no permanent damage. My scares are still there however they have faded some. My dad had no idea what was going on with me until he caught me cutting myself. We both cried that night. he asked if i wanted to go on meds and i said no (my mother had put me on anti depressants when I was only 10 years old and they made me feel worse). i saw a conselor a few times, with no avail. Finally one day i decided i didn’t want to be sad anymore and personally started trying to make myself a better person. i started taking art classes in hight school and they seemed to help ALOT. I could express myself in a good way, it also helped that i had some artistic talent. When i started working i got even better, i made new friends and loved my job. I still sometimes have bouts of depression but i know things that work for me to feel better. I also have 3 younger sibling who are all teenagers now, i knew the signs to look for before things got too bad for two of them. with mine and dad’s help we were able to get them help before they inccurred the same scars as myself. It is apparent that depression runs in my family, however for each of us, meds didn’t seem to help or made matters worse. For us it took a sincer wanting to be happy and support from each other to attain that happieness. I have however seen people who meds and thearpy work wonders. It takes different approaches for different people. The one thing in common tho is support from the family, without judgement or ridicule. In a way I almost glad that I went thru all that I did, cause I didn’t have to watch my sibling go thru the same thing, I’m glad i knew the signs and was able to intervein early. Sometimes it is hard to determine if it depession or just being a teenager, but I’d say the surest sign is a sudden change of character, I mean like within a 2 week time period. A sudden change of friends or wardrobe, sleeping or eating habits, being more irratable than usual, being secretive or any other behavior that is unuasl for for teen. don’t be afraid to ask questions, most teens just want someone to notice them and act like they care, but don’t be judgemental, take their feelings seriously. if you do discover a problem don’t just sweep it under the rug, take some sort of action. talk to a doctor or counselor for some advice and possibly thearpy and meds. if those don’t work don’t fret, encourage your child to take up a hobby or sport. dont force it on them, just be as supportive as you know how.

By JJ

September 18, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

La de da What makes you depressed? What keeps you from finding happiness?

By Becky

September 18, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

I’ve never dealt with depression, so I’ll just learn from what others are saying..To all that have dealt with it or are dealing with it now, I’ll keep y’all in my prayers..

By deidre_NC

September 18, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

happy birthday smart ace!!

By Future Counselor

September 18, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

I’m not a parent and haven’t graduated from college yet, but I work with a child with severe anxiety. When I first started working with her, she freaked out at the slighest suggestion of bad weather or her mother leaving or anything else that made her feel insecure. She would cry, yell, and thrash even if someone tried to restrain her.

I never tried to restrain her, but I would always get to her level and talk and reassure her and do so enough until she was okay enough to join the other kids (even though she would stay close to me).

At the same time, her mother was sending her to a psychiatrist (for medication). She was getting frustrated because the medicine only helped marginally, so she also sent her to a psychologist for therapy. The girl liked the therapist, and after a few sessions, you could tell the improvement. Whenever she was about to have an episode, her mom and I would prompt her through some of her therapeutic techniques. “Visual the stop sign. Look to see who’s around you. Do you trust them? Then you’re okay. It’s okay to be scared but know that you’re safe…” After 10 min or so, she’d be fine! She still has episodes, but she gotten to a point where she knows when she feels bad and starts to help herself.

The long story short of it all is that mental illness in a child doesn’t make them strange nor is it a hopeless situation. Above and beyond EVERYTHING, love and reassure the child as best as you can. Then, seek help. Research the options. There are several. Medicinal therapy, psychological therapy, and those two in conjuction. Within both, they are several more types! Maybe treatment may be best done at home, or talking to a preacher, rabbi, etc. Do whatever is best for your child, but remember that mental health is an important aspect of everyone’s lives, not just adults.

By Denise

September 18, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Good morning, all.

Like la de da I have been depressed for most of my life. My mother is also clinically depressed and her older sister is bipolar like me. Her younger sister is just in denial. You would think that because mental illness runs in our family someone would have noticed but no one did. My mother was very depressed at the time I really started seeing the effects of my depression so her mind was likely elsewhere.

Also like la de da it p** me off when people equate depression with being unhappy. Depression and other mental illnesses are just that, illnesses. There is a chemical imbalance in our brains that, thankfully, medicine can help balance. Mental illness is no different than other physical illnesses.

I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was 22, which is about the “right” age for the illness to manifest. I was in college away from my family so they did not have to experience it with me. Praise God for my friends or I probably never would have made it.

I am 35 now and live a very good and productive life. No one would ever suspect that I have a mental illness because I am compliant and take my medicine, see my doctor, and go to therapy. It sounds like a lot but it’s worth it for me to live as I wish to live.

As for parents with teens, please just pay attention! If your normally friendly teen starts to isolate, something is wrong. If your teen loses his/her appetite in a big way, something is wrong. If your teen starts to sleep way too much, something is wrong. The “something” may not be a mental illness but showing your teen that you notice and you care will go a long way to building the kind of trust that will allow them to confide in you and to accept health. Also…PLEASE, I BEG YOU…do not say “nothing is wrong with you”, “you’re trying to get attention”, “it’s all in your head”, or “what do you have to be depressed about?” That will not help and will cause your child more pain than what it is they are dealing with. Stick up for them when people say “you don’t need medicine.” My general response is “would you tell someone with diabetes that they needed to pray instead of taking insulin?” That usually shames the people and makes them shut the hell up!

Please get your children help and support them in any way you can.

By Stacey

September 18, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

I’ve mentioned this before, but I have (now 24 yo) niece who was diagnosed with schizophrenia when she was 14. To give a little backstory, she was born full term but due to complications at birth, she spent a week in the NICU and had to have all kinds of wire and things in her skull (I can’t remember what the complications were). She recovered and progressed normally until she was 3 then, without warning, she started having seizures. She spent two weeks in the hospital where once again she had to be hooked up to all sort of machines and things. (She still remembers the needles in her head). Her seizure condition was diagnosed and my sister was told she would have to be on medication for the rest of her life to control them. The medication sometimes left her catatonic so she was alway mentally “slow” but otherwise was a normal kid.

Right around the time she turned 14, there were a lot of changes in her home life (the biggest change was a new stepdad). My sister became concerned about changes in my niece’s attitude and behavior. Everytime I talked to sister she would describe another “bizzare” behavior but to me, it just sounded like typical teen agnst. My mother would say that she had raised 6 daughters with all types of temperments and she agreed with my sister that something was definitely wrong. The school and family doctor agreed with me that she was just “a teenager”.

Thankfully, my sister trusted her gut and made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She had to wait 2 weeks before they could get in and during that time niece spiraled down to the point that she was immediately committed to an inpatient facility where she was diagnosed as schizophrenic. She spent 30 days at that (youth) facility and with medication, she was able to return to her regular state of mind. She’s had to be hospitalized 5 times since then but is now doing okay. Her condition is so severe that I don’t think that she will ever be able to live alone but as long as she takes her medication she can function on the level of a 12-13 year old.

By nypeach

September 18, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

my daughter has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. she gets embarrassed talking about it with her friends, or anybody except me, for that matter. She tells teachers and kids that she takes medication for ADD and another to help her sleep at night. The second drug, Topomax, is for seizures or migraines, but it’s a great mood stabilizer and does help her sleep. Without it she would stay up all night cleaning, walking around and generally driving herself crazy. After a few days of this she would crash and not be able to get out of bed. She would go into a deep depression that scared the hell out of me. She’s only 13, but I don’t think my baby would be alive today without the medication. I hate the stigma attached to mental illness, but I am glad that there is recognition that sometimes it’s more than teen angst.

By lovin life

September 18, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

I am amazed at the strength of many of you La de da, denise and others who are willing to step up through their own trials and help to teach parents who may be trying to deal with these issues in their own children. What strong women (and men) sorry I forgot to name you smart ace. When people are good like this this board works at its finest!!

By My3Kids

September 18, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Oh man…I am so there with the depression in my child.

I also suffer from depression, but mine is caused a lot by my General Anxiety Disorder. It was undiagnosed for a long 16 years. For the past 3 years, I have been doing better with it. However, 14 to 30 a very hard. Especially when you throw in stresses of life, death, money, and family. It started with insomnia with the stresses of school and then grew to servere miagranes, panic attacks, depression, and I even have stress related excema. Right now my life is totally off balance because of my oldest daughter.

My daughter has several learning disablities and a low IQ. Technically she is borderline retarded is what the doctors say. I hate that word. Truthfully I believe she is bi-polar but doctors are so bad about diagnosing a “hormonal” teen age girl with bi-polar. AS many of you know, it used to be considered an adult disorder and children weren’t supposed to have it. She is also ADHD, but she really isn’t hyper…she has all the mental issues with ADHD. Many of her conselors/doctors she the way she acts is because of all of her problems. However, now she is depressed and in turn self-mutilating herself. I believe we caught her in the early stages of it. God I pray we did. We are now seeing a phycatrist and a therapist a few days a week. She had been doing so well with progressing into a normal teen and now this. She is depressed over the death of my mom, my dad, and my stepmom. All three have passed in the last nine years. And she is also stressed with school and she hates her step father. Which puts me in a really bad place…

I have her on anti-depressants and I hope they are helping her. I have it set up already for her to do a partial hospital stay at RidgeView if needed. The doctors want her to be on the pills for a month and in therapy a month before we decide to place her there for a few weeks. Basically if we find one mark on her then she goes but until then they want to see if everything we are doing is working.

We found this out the weekend after labor day. I had found some nasty looking blisters on her leg one day and I questioned her about them. She said she didn’t know how she did it but they were painful or anything and not to worry with a big smile on her face and she then went and played with her sisters. Two weeks later my middle daughter told my nephew who THANKFULLY told me. That was on the Saturday after labor day (It was the weekend before that when I saw the blisters). I had a SICK feeling that she had burned herself, it was just a matter of proving it. I went through her room, her clothes, her books, everything trying to prove it. The following Monday I had her at the phycriatist, therapist and RidgeView. I have hardly slept since finding out. My husband doesn’t understand any of this but agrees she needs help. We can’t leave her by herself at all. She has lost her bedroom and closet doors. I search her room the minute I can’t find a knife or my candle lighter. So far so good. She is hating all of this but I tell her, “Until her are better and not wanting to hurt yourself this is what we are doing.” The little ones have an awesome sitter who is watching her before and after school for me. I offered to quit my job or take a leave to help her and she doesn’t want it. Her doctors all agree that may make her worse because she knows I will be stressing over bills and insurance. So I keep working for her. My bosses are great and if I have to leave at anytime for her…all I have to do is walk out and send them a message from my blackberry as I am on my way to my car.

I know she hates her stepfather. He isn’t the perfect father but she has given him a lot of reasons for him to be so strict with her. Both of them are like oil and vinager. Him and I were both raised by strict parents, but he wasn’t allowed to be a kid. He is learning that a child needs to be a child and they are going to make mistakes and you can’t flip out over it. Its a work in progress. Even though him and I have our problems, I can’t leave him just because she wants me too. That is not fair to me and not fair to her sisters. She claims she finally understands that. However, when him and I took a brief seperation she is the one who wanted him to move back before I did.

I truely believe she is bi-polar just from the number of ups and downs a day she has. She goes from one extreme to the next in a matter of minutes. Some of the doctors tend to agree but are leary of totally diagnosing her because she is a hormonal teenager.

All I know is I am trying to do everything I possibly can do for her. I just hope I am doing enough.

By My3Kids

September 18, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

I apologize for the spelling mistakes I made in my last post…I am sleep deprived and clicked the post button instead of copy my post into word to proofread it.

By LM

September 18, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Depression ruined a good marriage. Depression ruins a lot of good marriages.

AB/DC’s dad suffered from depression, bi-polar, turets, ADHD and goodness knows what else. I met him when he was going good and not on medication, our lives seemed good, nothing major and things were fine. Then we hit a snag and my world fell apart, he stopped trying, trying to be a husband, father, employee, he slept on the couch, read, watched tv and played computer games to cope. I thought that if I worked harder he would start helping. I only made it worse, and since I had never been around someone with depression it was something I did/could not reconized. In the end I did nothing to help him and his depression combined with the other issues made him unstable, to the point on my daughter’s 6th b’day she was at his parents and we were home alone, some stupid joke I made triggered him into a violent rage directed towards the house, he punched holes in the walls and doors. I made him leave until he got help. By the time he got help and was stable too many things had passed to distroy any love we might have had.

AB/DC was in 5th grade when she had a melt down. I took her to the doctor & counslor for help. I cried when they diagnoised her ADHD, felt it was my fault, I was a bad parent, I am sure most moms can understand.

Since that time she has been treated for ADHD, Depression, Bi-Polar and we are conserned for terets. At one point she would be sitting on the couch with me watching tv, get up for a drink and come back, I’d talk to her or touch her and she would start yelling, like a different person had entered the room. We have been in counsoling for 6 years, had the meds adjusted as needed and try to do the best we can.

We are frank with ther teachers, she has the right to tell her friends if she feels the need. She is not an easy child to understand, she is a loner, has no close friends, has nothing that give her drive or motovation, which scares me. There is nothing she will push herself for, once she has reached a point where she has to put in effort she quits, loses interest or stops.

I worry about her as an adult, on her own. I will continue the counseling as long as I can, but when she is an adult, I can’t force her to continue.

By Denise

September 18, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

My3Kids, bipolar disorder was thought to only manifest in young adults, around 21 or so. However, now doctors are diagnosing children as young as 9 or 10 with bipolar. My boss’s daughter was 10 when she was diagnosed. She exhibited some of the same behaviors that you speak about. If the doctor your daughter has is not meeting your needs, then change doctors. It does take time to get the medications right so be patient with that. Also, some people who are bipolar may show one part more than the other. I was mostly depressed when I was first diagnosed but as I got older I started to have manic symptoms. This changed caused me to shift treatment plans; I had to get on a mood stabilizer as well as an anti-depressant. I’ll be honest and say that it is a trial and error process. Your daughter is blessed to have a mother who is doing the best she can for her. Not all parents are as supportive as you and the others who have posted so far.

nypeach, I went thru a time when I wouldn’t talk about my illness because I saw it as a character flaw, as weakness, rather than a medical condition. I would tell people I was in therapy but NEVER about my medication. Because I needed the support, I began to tell everything and now all my friends know my therapist’s name and how to get in touch with him. LOL! It will take time for your child to come to grips with bipolar disorder but if you continue to support her and let her know that she has an illness she will grow to accept it and not be shameful about it. I speak out about it a lot now and I think my openness has helped others get help. Your daughter will have that same power - to help people who thought they were beyond help - once she accepts her illness. Encourage her!

Also, if some of you don’t know, Danielle Steele’s (the author) son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in his tweens. She wrote a book called “His Bright Light” about him. I found it to be extremely painful to read because at that point I was not mature enough to handle it. I just wanted folks to know that even the “rich and famous” have issues just like ours.

By JJ

September 18, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Have any of you depression sufferers tried a holistic approach to deal with this?

By Denise

September 18, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

I just wanted to say that being able to share my experience with you all today has been a blessing to me. Sometimes I forget my struggles when I focus on the success of my treatment and that is a recipe for disaster. I definitely don’t need to get it in my mind that I’m “healed” (the medicine I take daily is a clue that I’m not!). I am glad that I am able to share with you all, especially when I can’t always share with my friends who only see me as “fine.”

If I don’t chime back in, have a wonderful day. Be encouraged.

By Smart Ace

September 18, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

@LM

The gene or whatever that carries ADHD or ADD does not come from the mother…..It comes from the father…..and more commonly passed from father to son…..girls can have it but it is not near as common as it is in boys.

My father almost shat a brick and beat himself with it when he found that out….LOL

I’m sure I passed it to my 16 month old son….my wife isn’t so sure…..it’s still too early to tell but if he does get it I just hope he has ADD like I do and not ADHD.

By AMy

September 18, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

Wow. Each of you has such a story to share. I hope for you all that you have the support YOU need. Do whatever it takes to get it. Thanks for being so open.

By JJ

September 18, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

Denise Please visit us regularly. We are more than happy to help you smile and forget your troubles.

I get alot of “support” on this blog. It’s my therapy….

By QCarp

September 18, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this

Unfortunately, this illness is REAL!! A very close friend of mine only child jumped off one of the biggest bridges in Seattle 5 years ago due to adolescent depression. The signs railroad my friend of course because this child was at one point in time so outgoing. Never in a million years could you have told her that this child would commit suicide. She even told her friends about it who never took her serious. For the parents out there who have kids and all of a sudden they start doing drastic things & they are reserve…….PLEASEPRY!!! It may just save thier lives. I wish someone could have saved Anjelica’s.

By FCM

September 18, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

If your child suddenly behaves differently than they did before (less eating, more eating, less outgoing, sleeping more, more violent, etc) SOMETHING is going on….even if it is not ‘depression’ it is still a big cry for help.

JG—-I know it’s SMAD (I LOVE that!!!) but I also know you work with kids…am I wrong?

My sweet little girl got sullen, withdrawn, and angry….I took her to a shrink. She now has a ‘notebook’ to jot her feelings into. She knows she has to get the feelings out and in ways that don’t hurt anyone. Now she doesn’t see a shrink…However, when I see her behavior change, and its not diet or sleep, I schedule some time to sit and color with her…I don’t talk I just color and eventually she will talk to me. Because we are doing a ‘right brain’ activity she is able to let her feelings out.

My other child recently got his first ‘notebook’ for feelings. He tends to sing songs about what is going on. I schedule time for my ‘concert’.

The notebooks are not allowed to be hidden from Mom. They can say anything, but they may be reviewed from time to time, in non threatening ways, so that we can see where we have been, where we are, where we want to go.

By lakerat

September 18, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

Wow, some good, powerful stories regarding depression and how to deal with it – good luck to all of you with this.

Regarding the ADHD and ADD, I get the feeling that some of you think like me, but, again, are too polite to say anything, choosing to suggest that people try the “holistic” route. So, I have to revert to my “somebody’s gotta say it” persona, where, in actuality, both disorders are a bunch of hooey, created by MDs and drug companies.

When we were growing up, ADHD was known as having “ants in your pants”. ADD, too, is not something that is medically provable –it only means that those of us with it have short attention spans and to get through school, college, grad school and business meetings everyday we must figure some way to compensate for it. The medical world just gave a diagnosis name to it, and the pharmaceutical companies continue to perpetrate the myth. There is no “gene” that is passed on, you either deal with it and get on with your life or you use it as an excuse, as necessary.

Before you jump on me and tell me how your kids (or you) have received miracle benefits from the Ritalin or whatever other drug your MD prescribed, please note that you could have achieved the same results from food and drink monitoring, (the “holistic” approach), as well as by increasing (starting?) an exercise regimen, and for parents, by taking control of your child by being involved with them and MAKING them SIT STILL (while sitting there with them) and listen and behave without resorting to medicinal cop-outs.

Today, the real answer to ADHD and ADD is ACCOUNTABILITY, not excuses.

Let the vitriol begin!

By My3Kids

September 18, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Denise, I have switched doctors so many times trying to get her help. At one point I started to give up. I never did, but I wanted to. I thought I was the crazy one. So many doctors are great at making you feel that way. Some doctors have no business being doctors…same for teachers. I have discussed the bi-polar with her new doctors, but they are trying to get the self-mutilation under control first. So I told them ok. We will see what the next few days begin.

Lakerat, ADHD and ADD is more than ants in the pants. There is much more to it. There are mental aspects of ADHD also. With my daughter…she is not hyer, actually quite lazy. With her the brain is more than just short attention span. I can’t explain it the way one of her doctors did years ago to me when I disputed the ADHD diagnose. And my daughter can not take the Ritalin and Adderall meds. Actually any medicine that is to treat ADHD or ADD she can not take. She is a very skinny child , not a child but a teenager, and as much as she eats with the meds she looses to much weight. She will loose 20 pounds in a month. She doesn’t have a pound she can spare. I was actually turned into Defacs years ago because she was so skelton looking. Of course it was closed as soon as they got the facts and made sure I was not starving her or ignoring a possible eating disorder. Even with meds, ADHD and ADD you can still hold a child accountable, but it is a true medical condition.

I did have a friend when I was very young that was serverly hyper and monitoring his diet only helped to a point. I still keep in touch with him at the holidays because our moms were best friends and today he can only function on his meds. Diet will not help all.

By JJ

September 18, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

The end of the world must be near, I actually agree with lakerat…

By Smart Ace

September 18, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

@lakerat

There are many ways to counter ADHD. I was extremely active as a child playing tennis, basketball, and baseball and even played baseball well into college so your lack of activity argument get’s thrown out the window as far as I’m concerned.

Food and drink monitoring only prevents the symptoms of ADHD from getting worse….by eliminating artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives you lessen the symptoms of ADHD but you do not cure it.

Perhaps you still subscribe to the “beat the kid till they submit” thought process but I assure you this will only make an already strong willed child worse.

You can make all the arguments that you want about ADHD being “made up” but the fact in my life remains that before I was diagnosed with ADD in second grade my school performance was very poor. After taking my medicine my grades improved…..explain that.

Also there is NO WAY I would have been able to get through college, and keep the HOPE scholarship all four years, without the help of my medicine…know this….when you have ADHD even the most simple tasks become tedious, you lose interest easily. Medicine controls that and help you cope better…..just like medicine helps someone who is suffering from depression to cope better.

Unless you actually have ADD you have no place to pass judgement on those of us that do. You don’t walk in our shoes.

By Denise

September 18, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

JJ, I lurk every day to see what you good folks are saying so I get a lot out of yall…especially a good laugh!

My3Kids you may want to try a psychiatrist that specializes in kids. I agree that some folks should not be doctors, teachers, or in any kind of service profession. Being intelligent enough to learn and practice does not make a person qualified to deal with people. My first psychiatrist almost ran me off! I hated him and he had no sympathy. He gave me the names of books to read as if I had the time between my chemical engineering classes at Tech to do that. But now, I’m with a wondeful doctor. His name is Arun Munjal and he has a practice in the same complex as Ridge View hospital. He treats children and if he’s 1/2 as good with kids as he is with me, he’s golden.

By My3Kids

September 18, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

Thanks Denise! I really appreciate it. Anything I can do at this point. I chose her psychiatrist because one she dealt with my daughter’s problems and second…she was the only doctor I called that could see her that first day. Some wanted me to wait a month. She just happened to have a cancellation that day. I know the therapist does work with bi-polar. I will also check my insurance to see if your doctor is on my list. I am keeping a list just for her.

Now once I get her under control I can go see if I can get my mind straight. :)

Again thank you for your words. I have had some people tell me I am not doing enough. I am doing it all wrong. She is just seeking attention. I have totally lost my temper with many people/family telling me I am not doing enough or she is just doing it to seek attention. I just want her to be healthy, happy, and well adjusted. And I will do whatever I can to do it.

By motherjanegoose

September 18, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

Until you have been around someone who has ADD or ADHD and observed the roller coaster lifestyle, you will never appreciate the positive affect drugs can have if they are used properly. I have seen this on many occasions. NOT everyone needs drugs BUT for some…it is the only way they can function. Many children grow up to become drug addicts or alcoholics when they are not diagnosed and treated. http://www.addconsults.com/articles/full.php3?id=1133

By lakerat

September 18, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

Smart Ace -

Then, since you are a HOPE grad, you can spell P L A C E B O!.

So, as you like to say, your excuses are LAME! Please re-read my next to last paragraph!

By Lynn

September 18, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

There has been a lot of touching stories here today and my heart aches for those of you with children suffering from this. My prayers are with you.

By Lynn

September 18, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

@smart ace - Happy Birthday. That’s my son’s birthday as well.

By Smart Ace

September 18, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

@Lakerat

It wasn’t called placebo it was called Adderall and it helped me to cope..I didn’t know what a placebo was in Second grade and yet my grades improved…..Look I’m not saying it works for everyone….but it worked for me.

I take Strattera now, which is not a stimulant like Adderal or Ritalin.

Some people drink coffee to get through the day….I just need something a little stronger.

I think you should READ the article link that MotherJaneGoose posted……

By Smart Ace

September 18, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

@ Lynn and deidre_NC

Thanks for the birthday wishes I appreciate it.

By lakerat

September 18, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

I did read MJGoose’s suggested article - it was not even written by a MD, D.O. or PhD - nor were her collaborators MD’s, D.O.’s or PhD’s.

The underlying theme was how not to get addicted to alcohol or drugs (i.e. Adderal, Strattera, etc) or other illicit or illegal drugs. Nowhere does it say what cuases ADD - it assumes it is real, and IMHO, this is not something that is clinically proveable, only something that is incorrectly clinically treated, without a medical base for actual need, other than a made up diagnosis.

Remember, 40 -50 years ago all kids had to have their tonsils out - now how many do? 15-20 years ago, tubes in kids ears were the rage- not so much now. Now, it’s Ritalin for kids and other stuff for adults.

However, good luck with your efforts; whatever blows your skirt up is good to go - for you.

By Theresa

September 18, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

lakerat — you are just simply wrong about the ADHD/ADD — It can absolutely be clinically shown versus just a child wtih “ants in his pants” — Good psycologist can do several very specific tests that can show when a child has a true issue with this or is just a normal kid with a short attention span — I do think that schools are quick to label and often wrongly label BUT there are multiple good psychiatric tests that can prove it out one way or another.

For parents wondering about which test —On the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children — The Processing Speed Index is one good indicator of true ADHD/ADD.

Also the Connor CPT-2 computer vigilence test is another test that can indicate clinical ADHD or just a kid with a short attention span —

By LM

September 18, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

I have met so many people who think ADHD/ADD are not real, that all it would take is a good a$$ whipping and she would be fine. I don’t know how to explain it to the naysayers, but she had many terrbile a$$ whipping, I am very strick. All I can say is believe what you want, but I wonder what you would think if all the kids in your childs class who are on meds were taken off and they distrupted your childs education because the teacher sure can’t whip the offender’s a$$.

By motherjanegoose

September 18, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

Thanks Theresa…I am not up to a scuffle with lakerat today…it is like trying to get a baby to eat a jar of Heinz peas…he just spits everything out back at me and it gets old.

I apologize to those of you who have lived through #@$$ with ADD and ADHD…you know that it is real,as do I. When you see the transformation first hand ( with proper medication) you understand. Have a nice evening everyone…some of you bared your souls and I admire your courage.

By nypeach

September 18, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

lakerat, I, too, was a skeptic until my daughter was diagnosed as ADD. It all made sense, the inability to focus, the mood swings, etc. later, we found out it was just one component of her bipolar disorder. I have a friend who tried your “holistic” approach—wholesome and organic diet, exercise, talking, discipline. Despite doctors and educators begging her to put her and her husband to put him on medication, they resisted to the end. Their son, who is absolutely brilliant, hops from job to job and stays in trouble. We all saw it coming, but they didn’t want to hear that their holistic, old-fashioned approach wasn’t working. They are full of regret. My daughter is safe, happy and a high achiever in school. Before medication, every day I wondered if this would be the day that she would kill herself. Now, i have my baby back. You can sit on the sidelines and spout off about all you think you know, but many of us live with this. you have no idea how bad it is until you experience it firsthand.

By jct

September 18, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories today. I have learned a lot. Even in this anonymous internet world, it is hard to share this type of information.

I also used to think like lakerat and JJ on ADHD until I met my stepson who has a severe case ADHD. I wish it were about ‘ants in the pants.’ He can sit still for hours. That’s not the only problem. He has cognitive issues as well. At 17, he still has a hard time with the concepts of ‘on the table’ verus ‘under the table.’

We take a very holistic approach with food and drink but that is part of it. Emotional development is also slower. Ages 13 - 15 were very hard. He just could not keep up socially. We worked very hard with him to get concepts that a non-ADHD would get very easily.

This experience has made me better in my professional life. I now use many more concepts and strategies when working with my staff.

By LM

September 18, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

I just wanted to express my regret for coming across so mean in my 3:39 post.

Off meds, my daughter is witty, entertaining full of sparkle and life, so why would I put her on meds, right? She has no internal filter, whatever she thinks she acts, says or does. She does not know when to back off, she gets in your face, she gets mean and we have come to blows, I have been scared of her and of myself. She failed elementary school, had no friends and is very negative.

On meds, she is not as funny, she lacks the sparkle, but she has friends, we don’t have the physical altercations, she is in honors and AP, classes. She has friends.

Either way you look at it putting her on meds was a win-win or lose lose but a very hard decision to make, one I didn’t jump into lightly. One of her meds has the black box warning, you know the one “MAY CAUSE SUDDEN DEATH”, do you think any parent would take that kind of a chance unless the quality of life was at stake.

By Jesse's Girl

September 18, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Hey FCM…yes girl…it is indeed S.M.A.D.!! Yes, I do work with kids, but only as a vocal coach. Thankfully the studio/publishing end is all “adults”. But the kids I do work with have adopted me as their confidante in many ways. 3 have come out to me..asking how to tell their families. And a couple have opened up about abuses in their lives. It makes me uncomfortable…but I figure God’s purpose for me goes beyond the scope of music sometimes. I may not have teenagers yet…but I did raise my baby brother and through the relationships I have built with my students I have learned to shut up and listen. It seems simple, but the less you speak the more likely you are to hear between the lines.

For all of you that are dealing with these isues or are dealing with them currently…..God love you all. I hope and pray that if my family has to face even a 10th of what you are, that we would handle it with as much grace and dignity as you all have shown. Thank you for sharing your stories. Its been both sobering and uplifting.

By Southern Born

September 18, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

I turn 50 next week, and I have struggled off and on with depression all my life.

I spent most of my childhood isolated and withdrawn, with zero self esteem. I was taunted and bullied by my peers, and my parents invalidated my feelings, telling me to “get over it.” They added to the wounds by expecting me to be perfect.

As has been described here in several instances, I had no ambition of motivation. (Recalling Abraham Maslov’s hierarchy of needs, it’s hard to be ambitious when one is starved for love and the day’s primary business is that of just surviving.) I had no idea of what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like, and I married an abuser who was a reflection of my bullying, perfectionist father.

I came perilously close to ending my own life on several occasions. It was a combination of medication and talk therapy that turned me around. I divorced my abusive spouse and, several years later, married a true partner. There is work yet to be done - I’m still by and large a doormat - but I’m able to function at a level I didn’t think possible 10 years ago.

After two years on meds I went off them, and things went well for about 6 years. Then earlier this year the stresses of life triggered a relapse of depression (those of us who have struggled with it are at risk for relapse.) Now I’m back on meds and back in therapy, and things are beginning to look up again.

It’s amazing that, in our supposedly enlightened time, such a stigma still surrounds mental illnesses. So little is yet known about the human brain that meaningful progress has only begun. Those with narrow minds who say “get over it” are likely trapped in their own brand of dysfunction and could use some help themselves. And while the holistic approach may indeed be of value for some, it should never be used as an excuse to deny someone access to medication who truly needs it. Medicine, after all, is a gift from God.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org) is a great education/advocacy group that fights to break the stigma and educate both loved ones and the general public about the truth of mental illness. They’re worth checking out.

By JJ

September 18, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this

JessiesGirl You are a blessing to those kids who confide in you. Thank goodness for you!!!!

I always tell my daughter if she can’t talk to me about something, to find an adult to talk to. I’m glad for those kids that have you!!!!

By lakerat

September 19, 2008 7:39 AM | Link to this

Theresa –

Thanks for chiming in – it is always nice when the grand Pooh-Bah of the site gets involved.

I agree with you that not all who are diagnosed have been diagnosed correctly – my point is that, as you say, many schools and school psychologists are too quick to jump to a diagnosis like ADD and ADHD since this is an easy way to “treat” the symptoms, with drugs. At the same time, you say there are “multiple good psychiatric tests that can prove it out one way or another” – excuse me, but I believe you mistyped, or misunderstand the question, since we are talking about psychological (ADD & ADHD) issues at this time, not psychiatric (the original intent of your blog, I believe) issues – the tests you list that allegedly can detect this abnormality (if I may use that term in a gentle way) are psychological tests, not psychiatric tests, and they have been significantly changed over the years to include the “processing speed index” – when I was coming along that was not a part of the test, and it, again, goes to assist my point that these “labels” are manufactured by the medical / psychological community.

NYPeach and JCT both shared that they disagreed with me, which is fine – we can all agree to disagree. However, both acknowledged problems that are significantly involved with much deeper issues (bi-polar disorder and cognitive dysfunction) while blurring the lines in trying to discredit my point of view.

MJGoose –

I understand your need to feel superior to me and most others, so I will not address your “scuffle” comment. However, if I listed my credentials as to why I believe as I do I would be stooping to your level of “look at mne” so I will just say thanks for your concern for the others who have experienced and dealt with the problems so well outlined and shared regarding the original topic and even on the ADD / ADHD topic.

By motherjanegoose

September 19, 2008 7:57 AM | Link to this

Everyone on this blog is superior to me in one way or another.

I ALWAYS say this when I open a presentation, “just because I am standing here with a microphone and have my name and accolades in the program, does not mean I know everything. I am delighted to be here and share with you what I do know…”

I do not know the pain that many of the posters have experienced and it hurts me when you trivialize their situation as you are not walking in their shoes. I cannot imagine what they feel.

When people are in pain, they do not need another swat.

I am certain that you are an expert in your field….annoying others…you do it well. I am also certain that you are quite intelligent but sometimes the most intelligent individuals are not prudent about how they share their knowledge.

Have a great day everyone…I am off to work!

Hoorah for cool mornings!

By AtlGuy

September 19, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

When I was a teen I was diagnosed with ADD and depression. Not just by visiting my family doctor but by two psychiatrists.

My parents absolutely refused to allow me to take medication for either. They told me it was something in my head and that I could control it without getting screwed up on meds.

I had to live with this for years without treatment except for the ways I learned to cope with it.

Once I was in college I was able to afford to go to the doctor myself and get on the appropriate medications. It took a few tries to get the right dosage and medications but now I have a great outlook on life and focus without exhaustive effort. Of course I still get the “blues” every once in a while but thats a lot different than struggling to survive and make it through daily tasks.

My relationship with my parents are strained because of their choice not to get me treatment. Maybe in their mind it was best. I just see it as selfish.

I dont think everyone diagnosed with a mental illness needs medication. Therapy or diet changes do work for some.

I just dont think parents should take the “absolutely no meds” approach either. The no medication approach only helps the egos of the parents and not the well being of the child.

By new mom

September 19, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone! We are back—and it looks like I missed out on some fun this week! ;)

MJG—happy birthday (belated) Our baby girl turned 1 on your birthday! We celebrated it with her by putting her booty on the beach and watching her eat sand. Yuck. I couldn’t believe 1) how quickly she scooped it up and into her mouth, and 2) how much she liked it! I am convinced she would have had a huge belly-full if we had let her stay all day!

JJ—we got lots of pictures, but no floppy hat ones. She just ripped the hat off! But she did probably pee in the little bit of ocean we stuck her feet in, but it stayed in her swim diaper…

Anyway, I just wanted to tell all you folks out there HELLO and have a great weekend! :)

By JJ

September 19, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

Hey newmom Glad you guys had a good time. I was thinking about you this week, wondering if the baby peed in the ocean? Anyone who’s not a regular probably thinks we are nuts. I expect Lame to pop in and let us know what lamers we are. ha ha

Next week there’s going to be a smack down between Lakerat & Mother Jane Goose.

In this corner we have LLLAAAKKKEERRAAATTT. And in this corner we have MMMMOther Jaaaane GOOOOOOOOOSE…..are you ready to RRUUUUUUUUUUMBLE?????

Ladies, keep it clean!!!!

By Becky

September 19, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

Happy Birthday Smart Ace..

As I said yesterday, I’ve never had to deal with anyone that’s depressed,or anything else that some of you are going thru..I do think thoguh that a lot of people are taking these drugs when they shouldn’t be..

I’m 46 & as someone else posted, back in my younger days, you didn’t take pills to make you feel better..You went out & played.. So, I guess whatever works for you, do it..

We all have seen what happened to Michael Phelps..Some parents should consider soemthing like this for your children..

By new mom

September 19, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Yes I am so lame to post here! right Lame? ;) I don’t mean to drudge up all the old stuff from this week, but there were some snippy comments about people posting here. Made by…people posting here! Honestly, I equate this board to a modern version of pen pals. When I was little, I always wanted some pen pal on the other side of the world to write to, but someone I had never met. This is kinda like that—you can develop a repoire with people you haven’t actually met, just like an old fashioned pen pal!

I haven’t had time to catch up on all the boards and messages, so please forgive if I repeat anything…

The only personal experience I have with teenagers with a mental illness is a family whom we’re friends with. Their son struggled for years, and everyone always thought he was ‘just being a boy’ and he was ‘difficult’. Well, by the time he was diagnosed as being bipolar, he had gotten himself into some trouble with the ‘law’ and now is having a very difficult time going forward with his career choice-the military (not because of his diagnosis, but because of his record) I don’t necessarily think drugs are the first and only answer, but I do think that if you suspect something is wrong, it’s best to seek some help before too much damage is done.

By LM

September 19, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

We live on 44 acres, have 7 horses, 2 dog, 3 4-wheelers, AB/DC in on the school swim team which starts next month, in the spring she will be on track, she worked this past summer at a Boy Scout Camp. She loves fruit and veggies, cakes and sweets are not her thing, we don’t keep soda in the house.

Activity and diet can and do help, but sometimes meds are the only solution.

Anyways just because you can’t see or feel something does not mean it is not real for the ones who do see and feel it.

By new mom

September 19, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

PS Happy birthday Smart Ace! (Does Lame have his own alter-ego birthday or was it his birthday too???)

By Jesse's Girl

September 19, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

What happened with Michael Phelps?

By Be