MOMania

By JJ

September 17, 2008 8:21 AM | Link to this

Morning All. This is going to be fun today.

I’m going to lurk and see what everyone has to say today.

Ya’ll be nice, and play well.

By TnT's mom

September 17, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

So, far I have liked all of my son’s girlfriends. If I didn’t like one, I would keep it to myself. Teenagers need to find out on their own what kinds of people they want as friends. They are not picking a lifelong mate yet, they need to explore and be friends with and date many kinds of people to discover who they are and what makes them happy.

By Jesse's Girl

September 17, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

Nothing to add to this one…not there yet. But like JJ, I will lurk and learn.

By MomsRule

September 17, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this

We haven’t yet entered the dating stage but I think this will be a good/fun topic and I hope to develop some insight!

By jacksmum

September 17, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

It’s easier for everyone if you ask the open ended questions that allow your teen to come to the logical conclusions themselves. Parents should remember that while teens act like you are the complete opposite of them, they were raised with your values. If you trust them to make the right decisions, and you lead them to think about their choices seriously, you may be pleasantly surprised.

By Lunatic Fringe

September 17, 2008 8:50 AM | Link to this

The heck with hating your teen’s boyfriend/girlfriend…how many hate your teen?

By Momof1

September 17, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

My daughter is 14, so she’s not old enough to date yet. I have been talking to her through the years, about what I will and will not accept. I listen to her and know that she thinks boys that were pants too big are silly and smoking is not cool, and makes your breath stink! Dating is a privilege, it’s not a right. It can be taken away.

By momtoAlex&Max

September 17, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Mmmmm..this is a toughie, I think.

My sons are still too young, but I do have some experience on the other side. I dated this on guy when I was teen that my parents hated; and of course they were right, the guy was a jerk and a looser. But really, there wasn’t a dang thing they could do about it.

In the end, they chose to calmly tell me they did not approve of him and the reasons why, and then they let nature take its course. Interestingly enough, he was the one that broke up with me becuase I “cared too much about what my parents thought” (direct quote).

I think that in the end, if you raised them strong, they will make the right decisions….eventually.

By jct

September 17, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

I like one then hated one. I quickly realized that teen relationships start/end so quickly that it was better that I ask my son open ended questions about what is going on. Whether I like the young lady or not, I want to make sure that he is respectful to her and her family.

I kept it to myself about the one girl I did not like. My son has a stubborn streak and he would have stayed with her out of spite. :)

His current girlfriend is now a freshman in college (he is a senior in HS). She is in school in Missouri. I thought she would have ended it by now but they still talk every day and send gifts to each other…

By LM

September 17, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

We have just entered this stage, AB/DC is a late bloomer regarding boys, so this is something I have had a long time to think about.

This summer she worked at a Boy Scout Camp and met her first boyfriend. They were able to develope a relationship away from all prying eyes. I found out near the end of the summer. I was actually happy she finaly got to this stage, I had been worried about her not getting into boys until she was out of high school. Once out of high school sex is much more of a issue with dating and I wanted her to date and learn about boys, relationships, respect for herself, breakups before sex was apart of the mess.

We like this young man, he is respectfull of us, walks to the door, takes her to the movies, or putt putt and out to eat, there has not been parties and late nights which I also thank his parents for since they also seem to have a part of his planning of dates and what is acceptable.

The only issue I have had is he has given by daughter several hickies. I have discussed this with my daughter and also talked with one of the adults at the Boy Scout Camp, seems she got mad when he gave her the hickie, but he has since given her a couple more. To my mind it is a lack of respect for her to do something she has expressly said no to. I almost got involved, but AB/DC asked me to let her handle it, she has not had anymore hickies since.

If there was someone she started dating which I was completly against I would let her know, as a parent it is my job to protect her. But I pray I don’t have to go that far. I believe if I were to say no, she would listen, but that is for the young lady she is now, once emotions, hormones and maturity kick in she might not take my advice. Might date someone out of spite.

By Numbers Guy

September 17, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

We’re not there yet, thank God. I can only look back on what my folks did, and I think it was pretty smart.

If they took a dislike to a dating choice, they’d let the offspring in question know it, and why, exactly ONCE. Then they’d try to quietly influence the relationship without actively doing so. It was easier to borrow the car, for instance, with one dating partner than another. It was never stated as a quid pro quo, Dad just had greater need for his vehicle when he didn’t approve of your choice. That sort of thing.

Flat forbidding it was right out. Let’s face it, forbidding something to a teenager is like trying to scare the ants away from your picnic by sprinkling sugar around. You end up with ant bites.

By Lynn

September 17, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

It’s not so much that I don’t like my daughters boyfriend, it’s just that I don’t want her so committed to one person at 16. They have dated a little over a year now and I just think that’s too long when you’ve never dated anyone else. He’s really a nice guy and very polite to everyone but I still think she should leave herself open for new relationships. I’m constantly reminding her that I got married at 15 and of course I get that usual response “I’m not you mom”.

By DB

September 17, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

Whoooo, boy — been there, doing that! I have been very lucky — there’s only been a couple of boyfriends that I downright disliked, but you just grit your teeth, smile pleasantly, and somehow forget to invite them to dinner. The ones you like, you call and ask them if they want to eat with the family before they head out for the movie. :-)

The last boyfriend, who was of almost two years duration (off and on) is/was my very favorite — I practically adopted him. He and I have a similar sense of humor, quote movie trivia back and forth to each other, and still keep in touch via IM and text messages. He’s also good friends with my son. The only fly in the ointment is that he’s 2-1/2 years older than my daughter and away at college, which puts a strain on the relationship, but he’s respectful of the limitations/curfews/etc. that my daughter has since she is still in high school.

Basically, I found that the boyfriends that I liked the best were the ones that could carry on a coherent conversation while looking me in the eye, had decent manners, respected my rules, and treated my daughter well. As long as those criteria were met, I’m happy. When a guy comes by to pick up my daughter for a date and asks ME, “What time would you like me to have her home?”, he gets major brownie points! Slip up on any of those categories, and if my daughter asks me “what do I think?” she’ll get a tactful but honest answer. She’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders and has shown good taste and maturity in her choices — honestly, the ones that I disliked the most were early forays into the dating pool, while she was still sorting out her own preferences.

I really haven’t placed any limits on who she could see, race/religion-wise. The last boyfriend was at the edge of my age comfort level, the oldest one I would let her date, and it was only because I had known him and his family for years and he knew I’d kick his rear if he put a foot wrong! When another older guy at work asked her out, she herself told him that she didn’t think her parents would agree because he was older, and he wandered off. As my daughter later commented, while relating the incident, “Oh, he just wanted one thing!” At least her B.S. radar is fully functional!

By Stacey

September 17, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

I’m Not close to being here yet as a parent either but my husband and I had a similar conversation this morning. My husband was watching some show on MTV this morning called “Parental Control” where parents who hate their teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend will interview a panel of prospective suitors. Each parent will then choose someone one for their teen to date while they and the current boyfriend/girlfriend watch together. The teen then gets to decide whether to stay with their current boyfriend/girlfriend or choose one that their parents like.

On this morning’s episode not only was the current boyfriend rude to the girl’s parents, but so were the guys on the panel for the parents to chose from! I told my husband I would strangle my son’s girlfriend if she tried to talk to me like that! (Please don’t ask why my husband was watching that at 6:30 am because I had no idea).

My husband asked me if I thought my mother would have chosen him for me. I know she loved him but I don’t know if she would have chosen him or not. She was a crazy about a boy I dated in high school but she and I both knew he wasn’t marriage material. I met my husband at college and my mom said she knew he was a keeper when he didn’t run for the hills the first time he met my family. My dad was sick by the time I started dating so he never ran off any of my boyfriends like he did my older sister’s. LOL

By Lee

September 17, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

When I was in college, I once went to a girl’s home and acted like an a* to her parents at her request. I made her real boyfriend look good in comparison. I enjoyed every minute of the charade, and so did the girl.

By Smart Ace

September 17, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Ok my kids are way to young for this topic to be relavant to me but what I would like to know as a kind of “side topic.”

Have any of you moms or dads ever had a crush on someone your teenager was dating?

I gotta go run errands for a few hours….hope to see some interesting responses when I get back.

By Jimbo I

September 17, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

an unruly boy or girlfriend is nothing a shovel and a sack of quicklime can’t fix.

By Thinking

September 17, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Nobody was good enough for my daughter. Well, not really.

She once dated a 19 year old when she was 16. He already had a child with another girlfriend. I had a heart-to-heart with her on how to protect herself from STD’s and pregnancy if she chose to cross the line. Then I let time take care of the rest. I didn’t care much for the guy since I figured I knew what he wanted.

It all worked out fine. She is 26 now and happily married to someone else. I don’t know anything else.

Oh, did I mention that he is African Amerian and she is not. That was not an issue for me. I always taught her to be open minded. She is, and I am proud of that.

By My3Kids

September 17, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

Luckily I am not there yet with my 14 yr. old. She has enough other issues driving me crazy now. I am not sure how I will handle not liking the boyfriend yet, however the country song “Cleaning this gun” works for me. LOL!

I just know I don’t want to be like my mom. I remember when I was dating my mom hated almost every guy I dated. She would go out of her way to run most off. I remember dating one guy that was a really great guy. I was 23 at the time and he was a few years older (I think 28), had a great job, a great education, funny, talented, didn’t care I was a single mom at the time. She hated him. This guy was a catch for any girl. I remember one time my car was acting up and I was short on funds so he convinced me to let him take my car in. I was just going to wait a week until I got paid again. He paid for all of my repairs and replaced my sound system (he knew my love of music and that I wanted to save for a better sound system). He wanted to make sure it was safe to drive so I wouldn’t break down on 285 in rush hour or with my daughter in the car. And he would never allow me to pay him back. That was just one of the really nice and caring things he did for me. She hated him because 1. he had money, 2. he cared for me, 3. he had major potential to be a husband and take me and my daughter away from her. We dated for several months before I finally bought him home. Any guy I dated that had potential to be a future husband for me, she ran off. My dad thought he was great and was really bummed when he broke up with me because of my mom. At least he was honest enough to tell me the truth when he broke up. Most of the guys I dated told me after she passed away.

I met my husband after she passed away or I probably would have not married him. And my parents always wondered why I stopped having most of my dates/boyfriends around the house once I turned 18.

I don’t want to be like that with my girls. I don’t want them to have to date loosers for my approval. If they are dating a looser, I want to be the type to run that guy off. Not the ones that treat them like queens and as an individual with a brain.

By Unsure

September 17, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

My teenage daughter is dating a 27 year old man. My wife and I aren’t happy about it, but society has just made it so we can’t do anything about it. I know he has gotten her pregnant twice, but he was at least decent enough to pay for half of both abortions. We’re hoping she either drops im or marries him when she turns 17 next year.

By Victoria

September 17, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

My daughter used to date this real bad boy, but he was so much of a hunk that I didn’t care. A few months ago when I was home alone, he came over to see her, but she wasn’t at the house, we ended up makinf out in the basement. I hope my daughter or my husband ever find out. God I can’t wait to be home alone again so he can come back over.

By MomsRule

September 17, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Unsure, are you serious? Your 16 yo is dating a 27 yo man and she’s been pregnant twice.

Isn’t this illegal?

By A. Nony Mouse

September 17, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

My oldest dated a young woman I to this day have issues with. It was horrible! I finally trhreated to get a TPO.

By mystery poster

September 17, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

When I was 16, my parents made no bones about the fact that they did not like my boyfriend. They constantly told me that he wan’t good enough for me, they didn’t want me to be so serious, that he was unmotivated, etc etc. My brothers were cruel to him (including throwing things at us when he came over).

When my parents forbade me from seeing him every night, I would jump out my window after they went to bed.

They were right. However, since a teenager never wants to be told what to do, I stayed with him for four years. I didn’t realize at the time that it was for spite.

How things turn… my father passed away, and the first man that my mom dated was unmotivated, not good enough for her, etc. I DID NOT SAY A WORD. My mom was smart enough to figure it out on her own.

I wish she had let me do the same 30 years ago.

When my daughter brought her first boyfriend home, I would not have said I word if I disliked him. I raised a smart, savvy young lady who is a good judge of character. Luckily for me, I liked him.

By navy10767

September 17, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

I detest my 15yo daughter’s pick for a boyfriend. Slouches, smart mouth, slovenly dress, gelled hair in a point…ugh! I have had words with him over his vocabulary, and behaviour but he is so typical of the crappy pickings she has in her high school.

Is it just me or are boys today either smart a@@ thugs or immature momma’s boys? They seem to be interested in very little other than video games, sex and television. And don’t even get me started on where they are headed in life. I get strange blank looks and lots of shrugs.

Absolute rules in my home are we will meet the kid several times before you even get to “go out” and no dates with a boy w/o me or her dad as chaparones until she is 16 and then only group dates until 17.

I am VERY old fashioned - like Godfather old fashioned. You know where the whole family follows along behind you on the date. And as Bill Envall says — I got no problem going to jail for murder.

By mystery poster

September 17, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Unsure: take your daughter for the Depo shot. MAKE her go. Also, buy her some Condoms and tell her how to use them.

That is, unless you’re a troll.

By JJ

September 17, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

Unsure WTF???? Do you not realize you still have control of your child at 16? Pregnant twice under 16? WTH goes on in your home? Apparently no parental supervision.

Society does not run my home, I do. I don’t give a flip what society says. She is my child, my responsibility. There is NO WAY IN HELL I would allow my daughter to date a guy that much older than her, while she is still living in my home, and I’m footing the bill.

Did we not talk to her about birth control? You let her have abortions?

You cannot be serious.

By nurse&mother

September 17, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

Unsure-I’m not exactly sure why you “can’t do anything” about your underage daughter dating a 27 yo man. I am assuming based on your post that you are not serious, so I won’t waste my time commenting.

I have concerns regarding future potential boyfriends that might be possessive and/or abusive. I have heard of cases where when the girl realized that her boyfriend was too possessive (and she tried to break it off) he killed her. Those are my worst fears (among the many fears for my children).

By A Nony Mouse

September 17, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

My little mouse nose is twitching. Me thinks I smell a troll.

UNSURE

By WOW

September 17, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Unsure, are you serious? Your 16 yo is dating a 27 yo man and she’s been pregnant twice.

That is illegal………..no excuse me, that is RAPE, CHILD MOLESTATION, STATUTORY RAPE…..WOW.

Society has nothing to do with how you control your household. Society doesn’t say that it is OK, for a child and an adult to be in a sexual relationship.

You and your wife are the WOSRT PARENTS in the world. You are messing your child up. You are teaching your child that it is OK to have pre-marital & unprotected sex. You are teaching your child how to be prostituted. (Get pregnant and I’ll give you money for an abortion)

If the police get involved, you and you wife would be charged for having knowledge of the relationship and allowing the relationship to go on.

This man is RAPING your daughter and you aren’t doing anything about it.

I work in law enforcement and if had your contact information I would turn you and your wife in QUICKLY!!! You, your wife and this man you daughter is dating should be in PRISON.

YOU are a bunch of LOOSERS

By DB

September 17, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

I’m pretty sure Unsure is jerking our chain, folks. Don’t feed the trolls :-)

navy10767, I hear you on the chaperoning! I accompanied by daughter and her “date” on every outing until she was almost 16. I saw a lot of bad movies, but at least my daughter wasn’t sitting on the back row making out! And then there was the memorable movie where a “group of friends” were going, but the only one that showed up was a guy … heheh!

Not all boys are smart@ss thugs. Most of the guys that my daughter has seen are nice young men. Early on, she had a tendency to “social work” a couple of boys, whose families were so dysfunctional that I would not allow her to visit them, even chaperoned. I told her that if she wanted to get a degree in social work, then have at it, but until then, there wasn’t a darn thing she could do. (One of them called her one night depressed because of his admittedly dire family situation and threatened to commit suicide. She was upset, but SHE called a suicide help line and asked them to call him.) As my daughter commented later, “WAAY too much drama …”

Stacey, I love “Parental Control”, but I’m sure that the current BF/GF are being paid to ham it up — I simply cannot believe that there are THAT many young people out there that use that kind of language to their BF/GF’s parents. My daughter and I watch that show occasionally, and we are both shocked at the gutter language. Where do they find these people?!? As my daughter said, “Oh, boy, if _ ever said that to you, he’d be dead before he hit the floor!”

By JJ

September 17, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

We’ve been trolled, and I fell for it and fed him.

Sorry I didn’t see the sign. I was too busy looking for troll food….

By parentof4

September 17, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

My kids are not old enough to date yet. Yet it does not stop these young ladies from chasing them. There is one girl that I do not like, and I do not like her family. They just let their children run around. Anyway, I try my best to keep my dog in heat comments to myself. :). I just explain to them that it is going to be hard for them to find a Good Woman like myself so they need to take their time and really get to know the lady. Talk to her, women like to talk and after a while her words will trip her up.

Of course that is AFTER I allow them to date. Which will be NEVER. No really I explain to them that a wrong girl can destroy his world. And he could do the same to a good girl if he acts a fool.

By momtoAlex&Max

September 17, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

Don’t feed the troll people.

By Jimbo I

September 17, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

Uh, hello.. the age of consent in Georgia is 16. I know, I know.. people think it’s 18, but it’s only 18 in a handful of states. 16 is the federal standard. I’m not condoning a 16 year old and a 27 year old dating.. in fact I have no idea what a 27 year old would see in a 16 year old, but unless you can link to the criminal code that says otherwise, I’m going to say they’re right, can’t do a thing about it.

By BlondeHoney

September 17, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

Great topic Theresa…I usually mostly lurk because my kids are 23 & 22 now but this one hits home. My 23 year old began dating a girl in high school that to put nicely i wasn’t exactly crazy about; no ambition, barely finished school, went to community college when she felt like it, doesn’t even drive a car and her family is nutty; her mother gave my son condoms for a present. Like you say, I didn’t want to criticize and push him to her but at the same time I tried to make sure he was aware of her issues. Well, he married her in July much to my consternation and strong objections and it is working out exatly as I thought it would; he is working and trying to go to school while she sits home, watches videos and plays games all day. My son is doing all the cooking & shopping, and is complaining that money is tight. I told him in not so many words “I told you so”

By momtoAlex&Max

September 17, 2008 1:14 PM | Link to this

You know, this is actually a HUGE fear of mine: that my sons would become the type of boys fathers of girls hate.

I am trying hard to teach them manners and to be polite, and all. But what about appearance? Parents of girls I ask you: does an “emo” type of guy drive you nuts? Or the umpkept hair they all seem to sport now?

What if my sons reject years of neat clothes and become slobs? Will the parents of their girlfriends hate them even if they are smart, polite, get good grades, and have good morals?

shudders

By Jimbo I

September 17, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Ah:

Here we are: § 16-6-3. Statutory rape

(a) A person commits the offense of statutory rape when he or she engages in sexual intercourse with any person under the age of 16 years and not his or her spouse, provided that no conviction shall be had for this offense on the unsupported testimony of the victim.

(b) Except as provided in subsection (c) of this Code section, a person convicted of the offense of statutory rape shall be punished by imprisonment for not less than one nor more than 20 years; provided, however, that if the person so convicted is 21 years of age or older, such person shall be punished by imprisonment for not less than ten nor more than 20 years. Any person convicted under this subsection of the offense of statutory rape shall, in addition, be subject to the sentencing and punishment provisions of Code Section 17-10-6.2.

(c) If the victim is at least 14 but less than 16 years of age and the person convicted of statutory rape is 18 years of age or younger and is no more than four years older than the victim, such person shall be guilty of a misdemeanor.

By Deb

September 17, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

When my daughter (now 27) started dating her husband, he was a high-school dropout, didn’t have a job, and drove an old car. He was nice and respectful, both to her and me. I was a little leery of her dating this guy, based on what I mentioned above. I sat down with her and asked her to look at it from my viewpoint, and asked her if she wouldn’t be concerned in my shoes? She understood. Very shortly after that, he tested for his GED. From there, things have slowly and surely moved forward/upward. They have been married for 6 years and have a new baby girl. He is in the Army and deployed to Iraq. And I love him just as if he were one of my own.

By snglemomof2

September 17, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

I don’t know if anyone caught the last line of Unsures post @11:41 but apparently they just want to marry the girl off to the 27 year old man as soon as she turns 17, as if thats going to make it any better. What kind of life will that be for her? How about encuraging her to go to school get a good education and enjoy being a teenager as long as she can. She has junior and senior prom, graduation all the things that teens enjoy at this age. Maybe he has the mind of a teenager thats why they get along so well.

By Reviewer

September 17, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

16-6-3 G * CODE SECTION * 10/15/99 16-6-3. (a) A person commits the offense of statutory rape when he or she engages in sexual intercourse with any person under the age of 16 years and not his or her spouse, provided that no conviction shall be had for this offense on the unsupported testimony of the victim.

By KJ

September 17, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

Um, 16 is legal in this state, people. Look it up.

I got no problem going to jail for murder.

Suuuure you don’t.

Also, LOL @ thinking a 15 yo boy should know “where he’s headed in life” . Hell, most 25 year olds don’t know this.

By MomsRule

September 17, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

What is an “emo” type of guy?

By troll

September 17, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

Uh, Jimbo, if the girl is now 16, and has already had two abortions (if the troll story is real) they can still go after the 27 yr. old perpetrator since she was under age 16 when the first 2 pregnancies occurred. But, the parents have to initiate the prosecution.

By Linda

September 17, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

My 17-year old son has dated some girls I wasn’t too crazy about but I love his current girlfriend & hope they stay together. She’s sweet, smart, intelligent, caring, well-mannered, gets good grades & is college-bound, dresses modestly & is active in her church. The problem? My husband! He doesn’t approve of this girl because she is, in his words, a “dog”. Yes, the girl has coarse features, but so what? In fact, I commend my son for his ability to get past that. He loves her very much. My husband hates when the girl is included in our family activities because he’s “embarrassed” to be seen around her. He was brought up by, I hate to say this, phonies who judge by outward appearances, but gee, at age 49, isn’t it time he learned to think for himself??

By Saying the news

September 17, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this

Jimbo I hate to burst your bubble but if the girl is preggers….14 is the age where she can speak for herself and her unborn. I know….it sucks…but that the law.

By My3Kids

September 17, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

Emo is the name kids call self mutilation.

By My3Kids

September 17, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

Emo is the name kids call self-mutliation.

I forgot to add they are usually depressed but some are doing it to fit in.

By Mom of Emo guy

September 17, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

Ah, MomsRule (yes, we do!!) have you ever seen young guys with those modified Rod Stewart haircuts usually draped across one eye, big button earrings, skinny jeans, Converse sneakers & studded belts? That’s an Emo guy. Emo is short for “emotional”, a form of noisy whiny rock that frankly, I can’t stand, but hey, my son’s a great kid & it sure beats that awful “rap” music a lot of other kids listen to

By Smart Ace

September 17, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

@MomsRule

Emo: Genre of softcore punk music that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle.

By snglemomof2

September 17, 2008 1:38 PM | Link to this

The Unsure story may not be true but, there are probably families out there right now that are truly faced with this problem. Hopefully they can get some help for their kids before it is to late and they wind up getting married to a loser.

By A. Nony Mouse

September 17, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

Some of you know that I am a single parent and my ex has been totally out of the picture for many years. I have long relied on my male relatives to fill in here and there.

My older brother; being the most ill tempered, ornery, human being I ever knew, loves my girl and he will not only deal with anything or anyone that threatens her wellbeing he will enjoy it Immensely.

By Mom of Emo guy

September 17, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

Yes, 3Kids, I’d heard about the psuedo-depression & self-mutilation. Thank goodness, my son is not like that nor are most of his friends. He tells me, in fact, that’s more of a “goth” characteristic, not so much “Emo”.

By Lisa

September 17, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

If I don’t like my teenager’s boyfriend, I don’t forbid the relationship. But I do point out the areas of concern without being too judgmental. Usually she pays attention and dumps the loser within a few weeks. Keep the lines of communication open.

Why are some posting comments just to say they are not at this point yet? Come back in 10-15 yrs with some real advice.

By momtoAlex&Max

September 17, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

to MomsRule:

according to wikipedia, this is your typical emo guy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Trosity2.jpg

By JJ

September 17, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this

Lisa Those people are regulars on this blog. If we don’t hear from them at least once a day, we get worried.

By Jesse's Girl

September 17, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

Something you may recognize MomsRule…..the punk band The Cure was/is the epitome of EMO

By motherjanegoose

September 17, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

lakerat…where are you….it appears that SO many are sharing their personal stories and you abhor that….lol.

We have not had any serious relationships here, so I cannot speak on those lines. Just casual dating.

Here are 2 questions:

We were out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants and one of the waitresses ( who is nice) is divorced with 2 young children. I am thinking she is in her late 20’s. She is now dating a college student who waited on us, this week. He is also pleasant. I mentioned to my husband…how would we feel if our 21 year old came home with a wonderful girl who already has a family. I do not know. Probably better than a skank! Any tips?

Question 2…. I have friends whose children started dating one person seriously at 16 and at 20 came home to tell everyone they are getting married ( like in 4 months). Never dated another soul. Parents both like the boy. Does anyone else think they should have some space before settling down?

By MomsRule

September 17, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

LOL, thanks everyone!

I got it now!

By deidre_NC

September 17, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

most of my kids bf or gf have been ok.some have been great and some awful—i always give them a chance, and if i just dont liek them in general i grin and bear it-and be nice-i always welcome them in my home-one boy my older daughter dated was physically abusive to her and i very nicely invited him to my house-he was scared to come..hehehe—-my son dated one girl who absolutely wouldnt talk to us at all..sat there like a lump—now in my family you are made to feel right at home and welcome—notting we did opened her up—they didnt last too long thank god. my 16 yo daughter (the baby) has a boyfriend who i like ok-he is very quiet-he really is crazy about her..but he doesnt talk much-she is a talker-if there is a problem she wants to talk it out but he doesnt and it drives her crazy-drives me crazy too. he isnt very ambitious either which i dotn liek for her. her last bf was awesome and i adored him and still do. my older daughter just informed me she has a black bf i havent met him yet and the color doesnt matter as long as he treats her well and with respect. no drugs-no abuse-should be a christian but i cant choose that part for them. i just want my kids to have a partner or bf/gf who treats them as they deserve to be treated.

By MomsRule

September 17, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

motherjanegoose wow, thought provoking questions!

Scenario #1: To many unknowns in this scenario for me to form an opinion! There are so many factors to be considered (maturity of those involved, why single Mom?, experience of college student, etc).

Scenario #2: I think high school, and college for the most part, are the times to meet people, explore, date, identify characteristics you admire, figure out who you are, etc. There are so many people out there! I would be very concerned about my boys marrying the first girl they ever dated!

By Becky

September 17, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

My 2 nieces that are 14 & 16 aren’t dating yet..Actually the 16 year old has a boyfriend in FL (long story) that she hasn’t seen in almost a year..She still says that they are going to get married & be together for ever..

So right now this isn’t an issue for me, so I’ll just read what everyone else has to say..

Let’s all hope that unsure is just a troll & this isn’t really happening..

By lakerat

September 17, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

MJGoose -

I am here - just have nothing to add since most people are staying on topic and relating good info that is not into how good or bad their kids or they themselves are.

You did ask 2 very thought provoking questions, however!

By mohammed el al mushtar

September 17, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

In my old country the parents arranged which of our children could get to know each other. It took many years of negotiation between both sets of parents to arrange the best person for our sons or daughters to marry. It has worked for thousands of years across many generations, and my wife and I plan to continue it here.

By My3Kids

September 17, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

@Mom of Emo Guy,

I am so glad your son isn’t there. I won’t allow the “goth” style of dressing with my daughter. That is how she wants to dress. She can do that when she buys her own clothes until then…NO!!! I have no issue with all black because I wear a lot of black, but will not allow the “goth” look. However, my daughter (just recently discovered) is into the Emo. She is depressed and stressed about school. I never heard of the emo until we found out about the self-mutilation. It appears we caught her early into it and we are now getting her help. The way she talks all kids are into it or wanting to it. She has never stated the goth looking dress though. And apparently some of the kids are mutilating themselves in ways I would never have imagined.

By Smart Ace

September 17, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

You go there Mohammed….I’m sure forced marriages always work out for the best for both people involved.[sarcasm]

That’s the thing about tradition…..Just because you’ve always done it that way doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly stupid.

By KJ

September 17, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

My older brother; being the most ill tempered, ornery, human being I ever knew, loves my girl and he will not only deal with anything or anyone that threatens her wellbeing he will enjoy it Immensely.

That’s just super. Is this your brother?

http://www.wftv.com/news/17455966/detail.html

By A. Nony Mouse

September 17, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

I heard about that.

No. I am not sure what I would do exactly but it would leave an impression.

My Dad, until I met my first husband at 18 felt free to show several young men the door. I am 43 now and things were different then. I was not thrilled at the time but in at least one instance he may have saved me much pain. The son of a friend of his started taking an interest in me, this young man was a bit older (4 years) and really good looking. He had been married before. My Dad put an end to it before it started. The young man married a friend and turned out to be an abuser.

By FCM

September 17, 2008 7:10 PM | Link to this

My ex-MIL and do not see eye to eye on many things. However, she once told me, that her sister started praying about the children’s spouses at birth….both of these young men just started high school and college.

I took that to heart. I began praying while my children were in the womb, for their friends, their teachers, the people who will influence them….Pray never hurts…hit your knees!

Now, I realize that I may still have walking teen statistics on my hands…..My mom always said “You raise your kids. You send them out. You hope that they do good and well. Oh, and you pray—-alot.”

There are no sure things on this folks—-they will date good guys/girls, and duds. They will have their hearts broken and likely break a few.

I wish I had not listened to my Mom about one boy. I loved him. Still do. However, I wish him, his wife, and family nothing but blessings.

My DAD never commented on the people we dated. We never asked and he did the gentle steering thing…..mostly he will tell you that in HS we did ok picking people….in college….welll…..both his kids ended up divorced from selfish twits does that say anything? We like the current fiancee of my brother.

One day my prince will come in (along with my ship) however, I will probably be at PTA or the airport! ;o)

By SWEET TEA

September 18, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

I am cheating a bit, my fiance is 41 and his mother hates me. This weekend she cursed me and my/his child to the gates hell. Am I wrong for not wanting her to come around. She is nuts and he’s a momma’s boy. It’s me or her. She called my beautiful one year an ugly crying b******* and me names I cannot repeat, all because i don’t care for the dog- i’m allergic.

By BK

September 18, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

My parents never seemed to approve of any of my boyfriends throughout my dating years. I think there was one they liked and it was because it was long distance and we rarely ever saw eachother.

When I met my fiance my parents did not approve at all. I can say that if you tell your children not to date someone they will just go against you. Just pray they use good judgement and make wise decisions. My parents now love my fiance and our 2 year old daughter and can not wait to make hime family!

By bf

September 19, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

ok guys don’t you remember if your parents don’t like the one you want to be with then that is the one the teen is going to be with. I learned with the first teen age girl the more i objected the more she hung on - the next 2 acting like i didn’t notice the bad ones they dumped them quickly. Like was said earlier you have to trust the way you raised them and the values you have instilled but trust me after 3 teenage girls and now being married to the man my mother said i should have married when i got out of college but ran in the opposite direction because who wants the one their mother wants them to have—-keep you mouth shut and you eyes closed “saying prayers”.

By DG

September 25, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Hello - I happened upon this site when googling the problem I’m having with my 13 year old daughter. This has been on-going for a whole year now. The day she turned 13 she also got her first “at school boyfriend”. She’s not allowed to date so it’s the “I have a boyfriend at school” thing. Well I thought it was cute at first until I found text messages Derek sent to her phone (yes, I was snooping). He told her he wanted to have sex with her, used foul language (I mean very dirty) and in other msgs he was using controlling and manipulative behavior such as “not allowing her to talk with other boys or her friends”. I told her that she was to go back to school the next day and break up with him and I took her phone away from her. She broke up with him but didn’t want too. He called the house and I told him to stop calling. I blocked his number from our house phone and then he would use his friends phones to call her. I got the school involved and they said he was trouble and they would have them removed from classes they had with each other. The phone calls kept coming and I ended up getting the sherrif’s office involved and they contacted him and told him to cease all contact. He didn’t but my daughter was also calling him. Since my daughter couldn’t be trusted because she was sneaking around calling him, I ended up putting a filter to receive any emails from him that he sent to her. Some of the emails were nasty accusations he said to her and one post was “I hope your mom gets cancer and dies”. I removed her computer from her and put passwords on the other home computers. I understand this boy hangs with bad crowds who are into drugs. BTW, this boy is only 13 years old. The more I don’t want her to see him, the more she does. Oh, and it wouldn’t do any good for me to talk with his mom (who is divorced from his father) because she’s trash herself and defends her boy when the school calls to tell her of things he did. So that won’t help. I would like to try and just say, “Ok, I give up. You can be Derek’s girlfriend but that doesn’t mean you can date yet” but I’m afraid with his controlling, manipulative, obsessive behavior along with his involvement with the wrong gang and his interest in sex to even think of that as an option. I’m afraid she’ll get hurt physically. I’ve had her in counseling with our preacher also. Other than this stuff with this guy, she’s a great girl. She’s an A/B student, cheerleader and very involved with her church and youth group. But she too has this “obsession” with this bad boy. Help?

By dad-o-nine

October 29, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

I came across this site looking for a way to deter my 17 yr young daughter from having sex. (OK…To be completly honest.. to find a way to scare my daughter and her guy friends enough that they wouldn’t dare have sex with her due to the pending repercussions) We are a Christian family and have strong morals and values (not JUST towards sex) that don’t seem to be sinking in with some of our children as well as we would like. I have 6 daughters at home, and I’m going nuts over this growing up fussing with each other, and being disrespectful thing. I grew up very old fashion and very old school with 4 brothers. NO sisters, and having 7 daughters is very “What to do” for me.Anybody able to help with ideas?

By dad-o-nine

October 29, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

Copied- Sounds like good advice unless a baby comes along while your acting like your not noticing. Doesn;t that make it look like your saying its ok…out of site out of mind?-dad-o-nine.

By bf

September 19, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

ok guys don’t you remember if your parents don’t like the one you want to be with then that is the one the teen is going to be with. I learned with the first teen age girl the more i objected the more she hung on - the next 2 acting like i didn’t notice the bad ones they dumped them quickly. Like was said earlier you have to trust the way you raised them and the values you have instilled but trust me after 3 teenage girls and now being married to the man my mother said i should have married when i got out of college but ran in the opposite direction because who wants the one their mother wants them to have—-keep you mouth shut and you eyes closed “saying prayers”.

By Ozarkmom

November 19, 2008 5:15 PM | Link to this

Well we’ve been dealing with the boyfriend from hell for over 2 yrs. now. I really don’t know how to get her away from him. Early on we tried forbidding/groundingshe always found a way to see him. Now she’s 18 and my biggest fear is she’ll marry this creep! He lies, cheats, dropped out of college, won’t work, lives fake/fantasy life on the internet. You wouldn’t believe the stuff he does on internet sites.