MOMania

By momtoAlex&Max

September 15, 2008 6:45 AM | Link to this

So very, very true. I don’t think most people realized just what it takes to keep these organizations running.

I will add one more thing in fairness to the dads: I have met a lot of them that keep those non-competitive sports leagues running (run by volunteer coaches) and Cub Scouts (all volunteers).

By DB

September 15, 2008 7:24 AM | Link to this

How to say no: Set your priorities and work from there. If you are a SAHM, don’t allow numerous volunteer projects to take up as much time as it would take as if you were working, as a substitute for missing work — you elected to stay home with your children, remember?

If you are a working mom, then do NOT allow a phalanx of volunteer moms to make you feel guilty because you aren’t volunteering up to your neck. Accept one or two projects and then draw the line.

As parents, we don’t seem to have too much trouble limiting our kid’s after-school activities — why do we have so much trouble limiting OURS?

Shirking? Uh … it’s volunteer. Keep in mind that some moms may have other interests that also claim their time that don’t include school or church. I know one who loves her volunteer work at the hospital. Others spend a lot of time with Junior League activities, while others may donate their time helping the homeless. Don’t presume that, just because one of the moms isn’t there 24/7 tha she’s just sitting home eating bon-bons.

A lot of moms have a sense, either self-imposed or from the outside, that “if I don’t do it, it won’t get done.” Most of the time, folks, that wouldn’t be a tragedy. It isn’t up to you to save the world — just keep your own little corner of it running smoothly and sanely.

Although, I do have a funny story on the cookie mom bit: One leader, at a parent meeting, asked for a cookie mom volunteer. All the other mothers hemmmed and hawed and were “soooo busy.” So the leader calmly said, “OK, then I’ll be the cookie mom …” Everyone relaxed smiled in guilty relief, until she finished cheerfully ” … so, if I’m the cookie mom, who wants to take over as the leader?” Suddenly, she had six cookie mom volunteers. :-)

By EFB

September 15, 2008 7:35 AM | Link to this

Good topic- I was recently talking with my husband about my future SAHM days and telling them houw my M-F 9-5 would quickly fill up with transportaion duties to after school activities and volunteering. I suppose your scedule eventually gets full and you simply cant take on more work. A simple, “I dont have any time left in my schedule,” should be enough but I realize that mom-peer-pressure probably plays a lot into your hesitation to say no.

By Jeff

September 15, 2008 7:51 AM | Link to this

Make sure you have your priorities straight, and you should be fine.

In parenting, that means God, kids, spouse (if exists), self, others.

If you have room left after God, kids, spouse, and self and CAN help others - even in small ways - do it. But don’t let it negatively affect the other, more important areas.

Trust me, if everyone did this as they were designed to, there would be no need to stress about ‘not volunteering enough’.

By motherjanegoose

September 15, 2008 7:52 AM | Link to this

Just back from my clients in Wisconsin who have told me I am witty and full of practical wisdom. Good thing they are the ones paying me LOL!

Great points DB! I applaud men and women who volunteer. It is important to give back.

I try to stay focused and choose one give back for my church, one for my school, and one for my community. This can be a single venue or monthly commitment.

I gave my blood at the Red Cross last week…that was my community venue for the month. It took me less than an hour but may help save someone’s life.

If you need a simple school project, volunteer at the check in desk…I did this for 6 years and did it 2-4 hours per month.

Really a painless project for Gwinnett County parents who are able. My motto has always been if EVERYONE DID SOMETHING…IT WOULD ALL GET DONE…I CANNOT DO EVERYTHING …BUT WILL DO MY PART.

Unfortunately, everyone is not doing something so many of us feel like we have to do everything.

Happy Birthday to me today I am 49 for the first time and have finally realized that I cannot do it all and give it my best…something will suffer, so I give my best to what I can do and politely say no to the rest. Off to work!

By JJ

September 15, 2008 8:07 AM | Link to this

Mother HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

I hope you have a wonderful day.

By Craig Spinks /Augusta

September 15, 2008 8:07 AM | Link to this

Where are the Dads? the Granddads? the Uncles? the brothers? Certainly, too few are in our schools. And their absences show in the behavior and academic performance of our children, our grandchildren, our nieces, our nephews, our brothers and our sisters, my friends!

By Becky

September 15, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this

Happy 49th birthday, motherjane..Hope it’s a great day..

By SarahO

September 15, 2008 8:50 AM | Link to this

In the 90’s, I worked at Agnes Scott College, and it was meeting the women of that school that first showed me this “Army of Volunteers.” It’s not a new thing - the ASC grads from the 1940’s and 50’s led the way for those of us today. My colleague used to say “just let me run the world for 15 minutes….”

As far as saying no goes, it’s really difficult. Celia Rivenbank (a very funny Southern Mom essayist) has a great essay about that very thing.

I’m terrible at it, myself. This Saturday I had a full-blown head cold but still found myself nodding at the soccer coach who asked me to run the second game in the noontime sun while the other Moms sat in the shade on the sidelines. D’oh!

It’s tricky. But I feel certain you’ll find the balance you need. :)

By lakerat

September 15, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

MJGoose -

You, obviously, are a qualified leader and parent, but as Neal Boortz says, “someone’s gotta say it” and most other posters on this site are too polite to do it - but, you have a tendency to overemphasize your self worth (over and over on this blog) - just look at your post today! You may understand that there is “no I in team” but, obviously, you take it to heart that “there is no tEaM without ME”.

Please do continue to provide us your words of wisdom(“try to stay focused and choose one give back for my church, one for my school, and one for my community. This can be a single venue or monthly commitment”), just spare us the blow by blow of what YOU, or your kids, do (“I gave my blood at the Red Cross last week…I did this for 6 years and did it 2-4 hours per month”).

Also, telling us what your clients think of you does not impress us (it may impress you, and you may need this as self gratification or to confirm YOUR opinion of yourself) but it make some of us go HUH?

Finally, telling all of us it’s your birthday is not going to bond us any better -

While this post may seem harsh, just consider the source, and that I am trying to help you be the best person you can be, just as you are trying to help the rest of us be the best that we can be.

By lovin life

September 15, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

New mom Thanks so much for the pedipeds info. It just proves my point, everyone is totally valid on this site. You are a new mom, and i am a vet but new products come out all the time and since your cutie is a little older than B you know about the new products for new walkers.
Also I think we live close to eachother. I go to the new baby products in snellville frequently. My children’s boutique is in tucker. Maybe we will run into eachother. LR you are in trouble!!! Happy bday MJG

By FCM

September 15, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

I agree with DB. Pick a few things, and do that. There is no reason to stress yourself out by being to many places.

Jack of all Master of none? Cannot serve 2 masters.

Raising 3 kids, do a social chair, teaching Sunday School, and volunteer reading….your done in my book. Tell the cookie mom nicely that your otherwise engaged.

Yes, Lakerat everyone knows I am a single Mom….However, I too do the volunteer thing if I can (this year that is not going to happen much)….but I am looking at taking on an adult Sunday School if the oppty opens, volunteering some time at after school hour activities, working the basket raffle prizes, and things that I CAN do. Thats it…what I can I do, what I can’t…well either someone else does it or it doesn’t get done.

No guilt either. If you try to guilt into something, I give LESS than I would have. (that goes to the stewardship campaign too)

By JJ

September 15, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Lakerat Is there some sort of conspiracy to get Mother off this blog? You need to go away. Your comments were very mean. That is not a good was to start a Monday.

Are we not entitled to gloat here and there? Are we not entitled to feel good about ourselves and brag on our accomplishments once in a while? Does it really bother you that Mother seems to be in a good place? That she’s actually happy and loving live? I don’t get you…….

I’ve got $20 that you are an Obama supporter. You don’t want to work hard, but you want the recognition right? How dare you tell someone they over-empathize their self-worth. You don’t know her personally do you?

I’ll take Mother’s advice over yours anyday. I actually enjoy reading her posts. She is very insightful.

Now you have p** me off.

By EFB

September 15, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Lakerat perhaps you have missed the spirit of this blog- and not MotherJane. I think the spirit is to feel like you are not alone and that is achieved by bloogers sharing their ups and downs in short and sweet ways. This isnt an official court document or psycological study- it can actually be human and not impersonal. Many of us have been reading MJG’s comments for a long time and feel like we “know” her. If you prefer scholarly written sociological studies on volunteering in public schools, than this isnt the place.

By OhTheDrama

September 15, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

It’s good to volunteer in your kid’s organization because it offers an added level of moral support for them. I try to volunteer here and there but I am a working mother so I’m leery of overcommitting myself. That’s why I’m a big for of the co-leader schemer. It allows for more flexibility should there not be enough time to do it all. One thing I have noticed about mega-mom volunteers is that they know how to delegate or as for help and they aren’t ashamed to do it.

By VolunteerMom

September 15, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

Now that the youngest of my three has started kindergarten, my schedule has filled up with volunteering. There were no parent volunteers in my third grader’s classroom so I am room mom. There were too many volunteers for room mom in kindergarten so I am a center leader. I also chair a PTA committee, help on other school committees, volunteer a couple of hours a month at the high school and have a position in our HOA. My husband coaches soccer and is a leader with cub scouts. By taking on these volunteer jobs, we are able to spend more active time with our children. We also feel a stronger sense of belonging to the community. Volunteers are always needed and welcome. They make church, school, sports, scouts, band, orchestra and other extracurricular activities possible.

If your children are involved in any of these activities, you should step up and donate some amount of time to each activity in which they are involved. It is your responsibility to have an active role and not sit back while others keep the activities going.

By Jesse's Girl

September 15, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Happy b-day MJG! Many more to come!! Per the topic at hand…I have never had a problem telling people “no”. Realizing my limits and time constraints saves me…and everyone else…a lot of energy and sanity. Its all well and good to volunteer, but there is a point when its too much. If time to yourself is non-existent…then quantity is winning over quality. There is always one or 2 days a week when me and the kids come home from school and just…CHILL

By Theresa

September 15, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

Hey everyone — Happy Birthday Mother Jane — I have one friend that was particularly interested in how to say no — she finds that to be the hardest part — she knows when she’s overbooked but has a hard time telling other moms that —— do you tell them all the stuff you have going on — what are the words you use to tell them you just can’t??

I still can’t decide what to do on the cookie chair thing — Our leader is sooo busy — but I honestly feel like I’m at my limit — especially because my husband travels often for work — which makes everything so much tougher!

By Jesse's Girl

September 15, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

YOur friend needs to say just that….” I am already over extended and I don’t feel I can add anything else right now.” If the person asking doesn’t like it…tough. If you collapse at the end of your day…EVERYDAY…you are doing too much. If you are driving your kids here and there and eating fast food twice a week…you’re doing too much. Only you know when your limit has been reached. People aren’t mind readers.

By SarahO

September 15, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Theresa,

I think that we do not have to justify ourselves. You have stated clearly that you are at your limit. So that’s what you say to the girl scout (and your friend can say that, too!) Keep it simple and straightforward.

Harder to do than to say, I know, but I DID manage to say no yesterday, and I am feeling a lot more relaxed today because of it.

Go ahead, give it a try…:)

By Stephanie

September 15, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

My friend and I were talking about this very thing the other day. We both have Masters degreed but have chosen to be SAHMs, at least for now, while our children are young. We were talking about the perception that many feminists have that if you are not activily using your degree, then you are not helping society. Besides the point that we think by raising responsible children we ARE contributing to society (not to say working Moms arent as well, just pointing out that raising children is a job within itself), we also both pointed out all of the things in our community and church that would not get done without either SAHMs or retired people around to do them. There are needs all around us, and not just for the kids, as our parents age we need to be around for them as well.

By Numbers Guy

September 15, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Happy B-day, MJG. Ignore lakerat, you’ll be better off.

I’m as involved as I can be outside work hours. However, if I over-commit, I will end up resentful, and who really benefits from that, especially if the youngster picks up on it? I’ve gotten to be fairly good at seeing the limit, but I occasionally worry about the spouse. She’ll take on way more than I could handle, and do it all well, but I sometimes get concerned about the toll it takes on her.

As for how to say no, you’re doing no one any favors by unnecessarily complicating it or over-explaining it. A simple “I’m sorry, but I just can’t commit to it this time around” is usually sufficient.

By lakerat

September 15, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

JJ -

Thanks for the support - ordinarily I would not respond to your comments, but I have to set the record straight on the Obama thing - puh-lease, never, ever, accuse me of that - thems fightin’ words! (norot am I a troll, either, as you like to acuse those who do not agree with you of being). So, please deposit your $20 to the Republican Party coffers - or whatever charity you choose - and you can even put it in your name instead of mine (see, I live as I preach).

EFB -

All I was saying about MJGoose is to tone down for everyone within reading distance how good she and her family are - I acknowledeged that her suggestions are mostly good, just leave the personal pats on the head out of the post.

FCM -

Obviously you directed some of your thoughts incorrectly toward me - it was not I who asked anything about your status.

By lovin life

September 15, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

theresa What about 2 moms being in charge of cookies? I find that a lot of time if I don’t really have time to take on another volunteer job, that if a girlfriend and I take on that last job together, than we end up having fun. We meet for coffee or even margaritas to do our work.

By Kathy

September 15, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

lakerat…..while I believe that in your own mind you have good intentions for the comments directed toward my friend motherjanegoose, today was probably not the best day to make them. Today is her birthday for pete’s sake! Why don’t you spend time making yourself a better person and leave motherjanegoose (already a GREAT person) ALONE!!! Must you attack every post she makes?!?!?!?!

Sorry Theresa….I just have to defend my friend.

Okay now to the topic at hand…..everyone has a choice in every situation they are in. Whatever choice you make, you should realized YOU made that choice and live with it, bad or good. Some of the people I know overextend themselves with too many volunteer commitments complain about all they have to do and how little time they have left over at the end of the day. I want to say to them,”You made those choices…deal with it and stop complaining!” Here is how to say no, open your mouth and say,”No! I just can’t.” Now I know that sometimes that is easier for some people than others. I also know someone who’s house is an absolute pig sty because she is never home to clean it. Why? Because she is out doing stuff for her kids’ schools/teams/church groups, etc. At some point you have to stop and say enough is enough. I can’t even get my own house clean because I am doing everything for everyone else. I think it is absolutely fine to volunteer to do something to help your school/church/communtiy or whatever. But you must put yourself and your family first. If you over extend yourself, it was YOUR choice to do so.

By JJ

September 15, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

lovin life I like your style….

lakerat Since you put it that way, I’ll take my Obama comment back. I’ll contribute $40 in both our names to the rebublicans…..

Off topic, but I am looking for a McCain campaign office in Suwanee to help my daughter with her government class. I am unable to find anything. I’ve googled “McCain campaign offices”, “McCain/Palin offices” “GOP campaign offices”, but keep getting sites wanting me to contribute money.

Any suggestions? How do you find a campaign office?

By Numbers Guy

September 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

JJ - try yp.yahoo.com, and type in republican for their search engine. That should get you to a party local number, and you can call them and hopefully get a campaign office.

By DB

September 15, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

Theresa, there’s a lot to be said for “Just say no.” NO ONE has to justify their time to anyone else, unless they are writing your paycheck! It does take practice, I will grant you that. Why do women need an excuse not to do something? “Oh, I’m so busy with (insert activities here).” NO ONE CARES!! The lady who called you about the cookies only cared about getting the cookie job done, she doesn’t care what else you have on your plate! WE ARE ALL BUSY!! Think of it this way — the more excuses you give, the more opportunities you give someone to argue with you. If you just say, “Oh, no, I’m sorry, I won’t be able to help with that,” there’s not a lot else left to be said. Say it with a smile, and that’s that. It’s our guilt and inability to say “no” that gives us diarrhea of the mouth with excuses, etc., and usually results in us ending up say, “Well, ok, I guess I could do it this once …”

By Intown Resident

September 15, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

I do a good bit of volunteer work and struggle like other moms to make sure I am doing my part, but not way overdoing which can happen very easily. I would suggest that all parents remind their kids to say THANK YOU to the the coach and snack parents when they leave the game, to the Sunday School teacher when they leave class, to the parents who put on a school party, to the Scout Leader after meetings, etc. etc. Showing gratitude and appreciation is a great lesson for kids to learn AND we parents need to remember to thank each other for the different volunteer jobs we do. It takes a lot of time and energy to do all these jobs and a simple, “Thank you,” is important.

By FCM

September 15, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

do you tell them all the stuff you have going on Is this person your Mother? Even if it is Mom, you owe her little explanation. Although, I think we women tend to feel the guilt and therefore try to explain/justify our saying no. A gee, I would like to but I can’t please ask again next time something comes up….or No, I cannot do Thursday folders but I can do a 2 hour stint at the Fall Festival. (Actually, I could be a SAHM and have a million ‘free’ hours and be too busy to stuff those #@!& folders—I HATE them…just send me the graded work, anything I need to sign and keep the rest of that junk mail at school…more than half is a ‘corporate sponser’ ad…and I can read the PTA/Principal’s news letter online—-but I digress).

@lakerat—nope I was directing it at you. You went after MJG for telling about her life, and I was pointing out that I know that I often say I am single Mom….so do some others….we aren’t looking for sympathy or kudos, we’re stating that we may be coming at it from a different angle.

MJG——Happy Birthday!!!

By Patiently waiting

September 15, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

I don’t have children yet (79 more days!) but I do know that when I over commit myself that I tend to burn out easily and not have time for things that are important to me. I make myself a priority and make sure that I don’t get guilted into doing alot of ‘good’ things instead of doing what’s ‘best’ for me.

Mother Happy Birthday! Should we celebrate with cake?

By Wondering

September 15, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

Just got on the blog and am wondering why no one has mentioned this yet - I have older boys and am entering the phase of Boy Scouts and Marching Band. The guilt trip manipulation that is used for “volunteering” floors me. I respond much better to someone asking me to do a job and I’ll HAPPILY do it. But the screaming e-mails and the in-person badgering WE ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS OUR PARENT VOLUNTEERS …

I wish there was a New Parent status for a few months to figure things out. I do not want to volunteer for a leadership position when I don’t know what I’m doing yet, and I want to watch my son march in the halftime shows before I’m working concessions, etc. There you go - slash away at my reluctance to VOLUNTEER.

By JJ

September 15, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

Forget the cake, I say we have cocktails!!!!

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

Lakerat has just become my hero.

Thank you so much for putting Motherjanegoose in her place..especially on her birthday..that was classic…that’ll teach her…I agree that someone had to say it and I’m glad someone did.

By DB

September 15, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Wondering, I think that’s a valid point — it’s hard to comfortably volunteer for something if you don’t know what you’re getting into. If it’s any consolation, NONE of the marching band parents ever work concessions at our school during half-time — they will happily work the first half or the second half, but everyone understands that once the band takes the field, those parents are unavailable.

After all, the main reason you are volunteering is to support your child. If you are so busy supporting them that you can’t enjoy and take pleasure in what it is that they are actually DOING, what’s the point?

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

Stephanie, right now you and your friends are doing the best thing for society. Staying home and raising your children; not paying someone else to raise them. Instilling your values in them and not putting their discipline into someone else’s hands for 10 hours a day. I have volunteered in my three children’s classes and schools for years and you can definitely tell who the day care children are in class. They are more insecure and in a lot of cases are the ones that act out the most, craving attention that they do not receive at home. So do not let anyone tell you that you are not using your degree to better society. I worked for three years after I got my last degree and then stayed home with my children for 20 years. I am back in the workforce now but know that the most important job I have ever held is that of being home with and for my children. Our children are the future of this country.

By Wondering

September 15, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

I am definitely thinking that WHEN I get into these things a few years I’ll “volunteer” to guide the new parents. Right now there’s TMI coming from every direction.

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

MJGoose - You said that you gave blood at the Red Cross and that was your volunteer service for the month? The month? I have given blood after volunteering in several classrooms in a day’s time not to mention all the other things we as moms do during the day.

By lakerat

September 15, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

FCM -

Thanks for the clarification that you were directing your previous post to me - I understand your situation and I appreciate everybody’s point of view when commenting on the topics Theresa presents.

My only purpose in pointing out MJG’s “flaw” is that I do not see you nor most other posters continually talking about themsleves in a “look at me sort of way” - you may state that you are a single mom, yet I have not seen where you continually talk about your young one other than to say she was sick or whatever. You do not, nor do most others, obsess with when my kid was 16, when he was 14, now he is in college and is this and this, which is what she continually posts (and about her clients and where she will be flying and working this weekend. All she needs to do is give the sage advice that she has learned, and leave it at that - the family drama and personal kudos are not required. I did not say she was not a good person or that her suggestions were not good - I further appreciate all of y’all’s concern for her well being and feelings, yet she will be just as effective without the unnecessary family play by play! We all have stuff we could shout to the masses about our kids/jobs, yet most of us prefer to stay on topic, unless “somebody’s gotta say it” because the rest of you are too polite, as pointed out in my original post.

By motherjanegoose

September 15, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

Great points today!

Thank you to my friends on this blog. To those of you who are my enemies…we will not invite you to the party.We do not want to ruin your life. ” FYI my life is NOT always roses and nobody else’s is either. I do fight with my husband, have messy hair in the morning, am sometimes disappointed in my children too. But for today, I will celebrate the fact that I can live and breath in a free country where everyone does had a right to their own opinion, even if it is polar opposite from mine . I will take joy in the fact that at 49, I have found my niche in the world and am trying to leave a positive impression. It is a perk that I love my job and have met wonderful folks across the country, even my friend Kathy ( above) who called me to sing to me LOL.

She advises me not to dwell on the comments from the morons and so I will eat lots of cake and have a super day! I guess I will exercise tomorrow!

Remember: YOUR ATTITUDE AFFECTS YOUR ALTITUDE… put on your smile and soar. We can read the frowns on some of the poster’s faces without even knowing them.

On topic…you never need to validate saying no…just smile and say: I cannot do this right now…perhaps someone else’s name is on it. Regarding the volunteering at the check in desk, I mentioned the 6 years NOT to pat myself on the back but to emphasize that it is such an easy thing to do…I did it for 6 years! Ditto for the blood donation….1 hour every 3 months. We all have different interests and you just need to find a place to plug in and do not over commit. What I am trying to say is that just because someone else thinks you should volunteer, this may not be for you. If you are not into organizing, you can simply sit at the school front desk and check folks in or roll up your sleeves and donate blood.
Does that make sense?

By momnteacher

September 15, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

@Mary Beth:

While I’m very pleased for you that you were able to stay at home with your children, please cut the holier-than-thou crap and don’t bash us working moms. Would I prefer to not have my daughter with a sitter during the day? Absolutely! But will our mortgage be paid and will food be on the table if I quit work? No! Hence, I am a working mom - and, BTW, I’m teaching YOUR kids… and I take offense to the statement “you can definitely tell who the day care children are in class.” I AM a teacher, and I would never make that sort of assumption about a child. Daycare does NOT equal behavior problems. Parents who don’t discipline their children equal behavior problems.

So while I respect your opinion, I totally disagree with it. I’m off to teach another class, and then I’ll be out of here at 3:30 to spend quality time with my child - who happens to be happy, healthy, and well-rounded (despite having a working mom, I guess).

By nurse&mother

September 15, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

Motherjanegoose- Happy Birthday! Mine was yesterday. I knew you must be a Virgo (we have too many similar ideals).

Back to topic- I do some volunteer with Girl Scouts and with the church. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I try to graciously cut back on my activities. When someone comes up to me and asks about helping out, I try to do my best to help. If I know that I have so much on my plate that I cannot be there (like I want) for my family, I simply say so. I don’t feel quilty about that either. I have been helping out with Trick or Trunk for years at the church. For the last three years, I have been in charge of this. I had many wonderful helpers that were invaluable. It was very stressful, though. So, this year I let folks know that I would love to help out and donate like in previous years, but that I did not want to be the “go to” person. I would like to really enjoy the event without the stress of worrying with little things like duct tape, extension cords, cd players, people to man booths, not to mention set up and clean up.

Thankfully, we have a lady at the church who has stepped up to take my place and I will help her out. I think my stress level will be better. In years past, the weekend of the event was pure chaos and I felt myself barking out orders around the house.

I have a friend who has four children who has a hard time saying no. She has so many obligations (most are self imposed) that she is not so productive in any single one project. She simply can’t say no. I think she would like to say no, but she doesn’t know how. What a shame. Her family suffers because of this. I think part of the trouble is that she is so sweet. She would give you the shirt off her back if she thought you needed it.

By Sugar

September 15, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

Marybeth I don’t even know where to begin with your comments. You must be exhausted riding that high horse.

My child got more out of his day care experience, than staying home with some selfish woman who refuses to contribute to her family’s finances.

Day care didn’t raise my kid. They didn’t instill values into my kid. They prepared him for socializing, and how to interract, and solve problems, etc. He was more prepared to enter school than a kid who stayed home with mommie all day long. They are way more self sufficient than the ones who stayed home with their selfish moms.

But that’s a topic for another day.

By lakerat

September 15, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

The last paragraph was well said, MJGoose - and it made sense, too. See, you can stick to the topic!

By nurse&mother

September 15, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

EFB- very well spoken! (9:53 post)

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

The fact that I share my birthday during the same week…..let alone the same month as some of you people sickens me.

Some of you people just need to shut the hell up sometimes……seriously. You are not that important….

By JJ

September 15, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this

Numbers Guy Thanks, I finally found one. I had to call the Southeast Regional office down in Florida. They just opened one in Gwinnett, and I talked to the co-chairman.

FYI - it’s at Lawrenceville-Suwanee at Duluth Hwy (120) in the Publix Shopping Center

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

Sugar,

My children were socialized and ready for school when that time came. We didn’t sit inside all day and stare at one another.

My family’s finances were not the #1 priority for me and my husband did a great job providing for us.

I am just saying that the kids who are dropped off at daycare at 7am and picked up at 6pm are spending more of their time with their caregivers than their parents. It affects some of these children in an adverse way. The teachers in the elementary schools can tell you this, too. That is who pointed it out to me years ago.

I am sorry if this offends you and your children are probably doing well but not all can handle it.

By nurse&mother

September 15, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

Mary Beth- why do you feel the need to put someone else down for doing a good deed? Should we all feel bad because we didn’t do enough? You must be one of those people who try to guilt others into doing more things for you.

Lakerat and SmartA$$ are you two one and the same? I’m not sure why you waste your time on this blog. I bet you two have so much more important work to do than sit here all day and read all these posts. (as the sarcasm drips from my fingertips). LOL

MJG- You should join me for my birthday dinner tonight at a Japanese restaurant! We are celebrating tonight because I had to work two 12 hour shifts this weekend. JJ I love the coctail idea! You can come too!

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

momnteacher, how do you have time to post comments online when you are working? Not trying to be sarcastic, but just wondering.

By nurse&mother

September 15, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

smarta$$- I love the fact that I sicken you. BTW I am snickering right now.LOL! You must secretly love this blog you else you would not stay and read/post. Your actions are speaking louder than your words. (snicker, tee hee)

By Mary Beth's Husband

September 15, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Don’t let her fool you. We are broke and the woman refuses to get a job. God forbid she could get a job and help with our finances. But then again, that would take time away from HER busy day of disclipining our kids. She firmly believes that a womans place is in the mall.

We may lose the house, and both Hummers, but at least she is instilling morals into our kids.

I work 60 hours a week to get away from this woman. And I travel, to put distance between us too.

My mother told me not to marry her. So did her mother.

By nurse&mother

September 15, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

Mary Beth ever heard of a lunch break?

I suppose the alternative is for momnteacher to be on uncle Sam’s payroll like so many others? I’m sure she would be blasted for that.

Momnteacher- thanks for educating all our children (children of smarta$$es and all)

By momnteacher

September 15, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

@Mary Beth -

FYI, I posted my original comment during my lunch break. I’m posting now between classes. Teachers are great at multitasking and time management!

By Sugar

September 15, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

Marybeth Your #1 priority is yourself…..

What a shame that your family finances aren’t important to you.

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

nurse&mother,

I wasn’t putting anyone down. You must have read that into my comment. I am sorry you mistook that as a putdown.

Also, I do not guilt anyone into doing things for me either.

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

I post here because I am bored.

I do tell my wife about my exploits on here p** off you religious right and she agrees with me that you are all nothing but a bunch of whining women.

Think about it…..your support structure consists of a blog on a newspaper’s website……how pathetic is that…..If I were a Physiologist I would be cold calling you people because you clearly need therapy…..badly. It’s sad.

By Mary

September 15, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

Whew. I tell ya I am exhausted.

I got to my local high school at 6 this a.m and worked in the library for 2 hours, getting the fund raiser packets ready for distribution. Then I sat in traffic for 30 minutes to run by McCain’s campaign office and did some light bookkeeping for them. Tonight, I am hosting the cub scouts at my house. This is after I stop at the store go buy snacks, then stop to give blood at the Red Cross, then volunteer at the homeless shelter, then go walk dogs at the Humane society. Then off to New Orleans to help rebuild the 9th ward, and on to Texas to work with the Red Cross with hurricane relief. I hope to have enough time to get out to LA and help the train wreck victims.

I should be able to make it home in time for the cub scouts at 7 tonight.

Who has time for the kids with all this volunteering?

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

To the man who pretends to be my husband…..

that’s pretty funny!

However, I don’t go to the mall. Too many brats running around in there.

Btw, to all those who are screaming at me now. Did you miss the part where I said I am back in the workforce now? I worked after college, then stayed home with my kids for a while and then returned to work.

By nurse&mother

September 15, 2008 2:43 PM | Link to this

Mary Beth- apparantly I wasn’t the only one that read that into your comments (look at all the negative posts directed at you). BTW you might look back at your 1:48 post again. If you weren’t putting MJG down, then why would you feel the need to restate what she did this month and then proceed to spew all the things you did? If it wasn’t a “put down” then what was it? Just sayin

By lakerat

September 15, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

Help! Somebody come to my defense -

First, JJ accused me of being an Obama supporter (since retracted), and, now, nurseandmother accuses me of being “SmartAce”, which, obviously, I am not!

And I try so hard to get along with everyone!

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Sugar, since you do not know me it is amazing that you can make that assumption. My husband is the main provider for our family and always has been. My main priority was not myself or my finances but my children. I have never worshiped the almighty dollar.

By JJ

September 15, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

Mary Beth, it was a putdown. You basically slammed us moms who chose to work outside the home.

Your post was very condensending…..

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

Husband - I would rather have kids with morals than two Hummers and a house any day.

But, I did have to laugh out loud at your post. That’s funny! Good Job!

Now get back to work so I can go shopping! The kids need new shoes! ;)

By FCM

September 15, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

@ JJ— I had to share this—-My eldest is doing a Social Science thing on voting. They will eventually hold the ‘election’ in her class. She came uup the other day and said “well when we vote I am voting for John McCain.” I asked her why—-she had some very well thought out arguments on the subject—both why she didn’t want Obama and why she liked McCain. I asked where she learned all that…she has been ‘playing’ whenever I was listening to radio/tv….apparently she stopped long enough to pay attention.

I was proud of her for doing the research. In 9 years she can ‘vote’ with the rest of us.

By nurse&mother

September 15, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

I wish we had more nice guys like Numbers Guy. He seems like a true gentleman. Nice father and well mannered. He is never snide or hateful.

Smarta$$ if you are so bored, then why don’t you volunteer? (tee hee)

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

JJ, get over it. You are too sensitive about “working outside the home.” I work outside the home, too. When I see young moms that are staying home with their children, I applaud them and there is nothing any of you will ever say to change that. I know that in some homes there are circumstances that force the mom to work but from my observations that is not usually the case. I used to have neighbors who whined about how they “have to work” and “wish they could stay home” and yet day after day I would see them drive away to work in their Volvos and Mercedes and see delivery trucks bringing all kinds of new things to their houses on the weekends. And they “had to work?” I think not. I think they wanted to work so that they could buy all the things that they thought they should have. Meanwhile, their kids were dropped off at the cheapest daycare they could possibly find.

I am not making this stuff up so don’t yell at me about being selfish, not caring about my family’s finances or saying that I am putting others down. I am just calling it as I have been seeing it for a long time. While I understand that in these economic times, that may not be your case but I am saying that it is the majority of what I have seen in the four cities that I have lived in since I have been a mother.

By JJ

September 15, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

Smart Ace This blog is my therapy.

And Happy birthday to you too……you said it was this week. Here’s a cocktail for you. Are you the one who likes Maker’s Mark? If so, I’m pouring…….

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this

Volunteer???? Ha….that’s a laugh….why so I can actually meet you people in person??…no thanks.

Lakerat is not one of my alias’ just FYI.

By motherjanegoose

September 15, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

TOOT TOOT…MOTHER JANE GOOSE COMING THROUGH WITH A BIG HORN ( this was Kathy’s idea…I loved it) DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DO NOT LIKE ME:

As many of you already know…I talk for a living. The fact that I can sometimes make things interesting is what keeps me self employed. I try to illustrate points. Correct me if I am wrong here but Theresa gets paid to write and illustrates her points with quips and comments from her own personal life. This is what makes her blog interesting. Everyone is NOT always interested in the same topic on the same day. This is life. We all give personal examples to illustrate our point. Hence the variety here.

This is an experiment:

Children use words that they are familiar with in their own environment…it is called language acquisition (POINT)

Illustration:

Even animals have language acquisition. For example, if a cardinal falls out of the nest ( no parents) and is taken in as a baby to a nest of Robins, the cardinal will acquire the language of the robins. Thus, the bird will look like a cardinal but sing like a robin. Our language skills are a product of our environment. Children who have large vocabularies are the products of those parents who simply talk to their children. Strong vocabularies are the best predictor of reading ability. Good readers have large vocabularies.

( whoda thunk it?)

I tend to illustrate my points and this is why I use personal examples…there is no crime against this. Many folks do enjoy an illustration.

Kind of like reading a travel guide or speaking with someone who has actually been there and giving you their own encounters. Some prefer the former and some the latter ( me).

I enjoy reading the glimpses into everyone’s lives and ponder so many of your thought provoking ideas. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for the birthday wishes…we already have plans. Hugs to all except lakerat and smartace…burnt cookies to you. I am putting my horn away now but may need it tomorrow…tee hee!

Marybeth… donating blood was my community thing I did for the month, after I worked that day. Then, there are my school and church things. No one has to give 10 hours per week to volunteer. If everyone gave 1 hour per week, that would be grand! No one needs to feel guilted into volunteering more than they can handle.

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

Thanks for the cocktail JJ….got any Vodka?

Kettle One and Sprite is pretty good.

And thanks for the birthday wishes. I’ll be 31 on Friday…..Blah after 30 it just seems so old.

By momnteacher

September 15, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

@nurse&mother -

Thanks for the kind words and support!

By Emily

September 15, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

I agree with Lakerat…

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

Is it “STEELE CAGE” time again?

Sounds like Mary Beth needs a good thumping…..FINALLY some excitement around here.

Again my money is on JJ.

By Shelia

September 15, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

Mary Beth, you know how the teacher was posting while at school dont you? She had a stay at home mom in her room volunteering. Doing her work so she could surf the internet. That’s why teachers love their parent volunteers and stay at home moms. Seriously, I have had them online ordering clothes and gifts while I am in the room taking care of their students. (they better not slam us)

By nurse&mother

September 15, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

Mary Beth- While I respect what you have observed, you might try and visit extreme north Georgia. While we have our share of upper middle class as well as upper class, we certainly have our share of folks that don’t drive Mercedes and need to work or else they would be on government assistance. If you worked in area hospitals (mainly ER and Labor & Delivery) you would have an appreciation for those that abhor that welfare lifestyle.

It is best to try not to stereotype. However, I myself am sometimes guilty of such things. Whenever I do it, I always find myself having to remove my foot from my mouth. :-0

Hope you all have a great day.

By JJ

September 15, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

FCM My daughter is really upset she can’t vote in this election. She doesn’t turn 18 until after Christmas.

Get this - Usually I take her out of town for her birthday. This year, in the planning stage, I asked where she wanted to go for her 18th birthday and she looked me straight in the eye and said “To register to Vote.”

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

You guys love me….admit it….without me this blog would be UBER BORING!!!!

By lakerat

September 15, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

MJGoose -

Say what? If it looks like a Cardinal, but sounds like a Robin, it’s a what? A Robinal or a Carbin?

My head hurts after reading that post!

By JJ

September 15, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

Hey Smart Ace Thanks for the vote of confidence. Not only do I have vodka, but I have a bottle of Grey Goose with your name on it!!!!!

31 huh? You old lizard…….it’s all downhill from hear, you know that right? Have you starting losing your hair yet? For every hair you lose on your head, one grows out of your ear or a mole on your back…. ha ha ha

And yes I do love you…..in a freaky cyber kinda way….

By Mary Beth

September 15, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

Lakerat, will you share your burnt cookies with me?

By JJ

September 15, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

lakerat That was good!!!! I laughed out loud…

You have won me over with humor…..

I will never make a disparaging remark towards you again. If I do, please remind me of Carbin….or Robinal. I wonder, would it still have a red breast? Would it be the first spring arrival?

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

JJ

Hey baby how you doin….;)

Yeah I’m totally feeling that freaky cyber kinda way and I kinda like it…ya know?

By Jesse's Girl

September 15, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Get this….last year a mom at my daughter’s school asked me to chair a committee that met on Thursday after school. I told her…”I’d love to , but can’t. Thats my S.M.A.D. day. Sorry!” She said “Oh…how wonderul for you….isn’t that the new group for single moms?” I said “No….it means Sit My A$$ Down.” The look of horror and her loss for words was fabulous!! She was one of those moms that just wouldn’t leave me alone. It had to be done.

MaryBeth….you are coming off a bit judgemental. But hey…if thats who you truly are, more power to ya! Posers need not apply here.

And SmartAce….you know I love you!!

By lovin life

September 15, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

Happy birthday to all you oldies!! (I am still 1 year away from 30 HA) even you mjg who is apparently still angry with me from the other day! OH Well.

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

That’s right….mess with me and I will send my army of MILFs after you…..Mwahaha

By lovin life

September 15, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

JG that is why you continue to be my favorite on this blog!!!

By Jesse's Girl

September 15, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Much appreciated LovingLife….sometimes it gets too holier-than-thou in here. Then I must take action…I have pleanty of chicken-soup-for-the-sense of humor stories:)

And as long as we are talking drinks of choice…..I think we all know of my deep and abiding love for all things Pinot. But a good Grey Goose Martini with 2 olives is just….to die for! We’ve kicked around the idea before of having a meet n greet. As long as Jeff comes…I’m in. I’ve been itchin to thump him in the head:)

By Numbers Guy

September 15, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

Thanks for the compliment, nurse, but when the mud starts a-flyin’ like it has here today, I’d sooner be left quietly out of it!

As for age, I turned 40 2 weeks back, and I can truly say you’re only as old as you act. Apparently, in my case, that’s about 3 and a half.

By Smart Ace

September 15, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

A Meet n Greet would be….interesting….to say the least. Count me in.

By JJ

September 15, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

Smart Ace has to come too…….

I found a wonderful cabernat (sp) over the weekend. Anyone ever tried 337? It’s now my favorite red wine…

I get holier-than-thou too. We all do and its ok, ONCE IN A WHILE. Maybe we need to organize a”meeting”.. like AA, we could call it HTT-A….ha ha

Read (instead of see) ya’ll tomorrow.

By Jesse's Girl

September 15, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this

It would be fun to get together for drinks one night. It’d be even more fun to try and guess who we all are! I’m willing to bet no one looks like I picture. Except for Jeff….I’ve seen him…

By EmilyPorter

September 15, 2008 5:12 PM | Link to this

I must say I visit this blog about once a week. I often find it interesting. Sometimes irritating. But I like it. I do find it curious that I have NEVER logged on without seeing at least 5 comments from Jesse’s Girl. Does this woman not have a life? She spends far too much time on this blog. I have waited months and months to point this out hoping that she would find another hobby or purpose for her time but no luck. Sweetie, you are not that interesting and you seriously need to get your fat butt away from the computer and go do something else. You are really in need of a momblog intervention!

By motherjanegoose

September 15, 2008 5:17 PM | Link to this

lakerat…that was good I am proud nothing mean…this may be why you cannot get my meaning…it is too deep for you and your head hurts.

lovin life…I am not angry at you …thanks for the birthday wishes.

numbersguy…thanks for being civil and sensible you have my vote!

FCM and JJ thanks for your personal stories and comments….be careful or lakerat with snatch on you next.

to everyone else who is having a birthday for the rest of this month… cake and ice cream to you and many happy happys!

By CommonSense

September 15, 2008 5:31 PM | Link to this

I am so glad someone finally said that about Jesse’s Girl and the same could be said for a few others who seem to spend hours a day on this blog. Now they are talking about wanting to get together in person?! Sad! They seemingly spend more time blogging about being moms than they actually spend being moms in real life. I bet their kids wish they would get off the darn computer.

By Jesse's Girl

September 15, 2008 5:42 PM | Link to this

There…that makes it an even 6. Insipid twit(s)….talk about not having a life. You make a point to comment about people commenting on blogs….that we enjoy! How about using your own time more wisely. And for your edification…I happen to have a fabulous fanny:)

By EmilyPorter

September 15, 2008 6:45 PM | Link to this

Wow! Touched a nerve! Go figure. Not like you have anything else to do right now. Please spend your time getting ticked off at the blogosphere while planning to meet the other bloggers at some dimly lit bar. Maybe Smart Ace will fall in love with you. Oh, joy!

By Jesse's Girl

September 15, 2008 7:20 PM | Link to this

Ms. Porter….I feel sorry for you. The highlight of your evening seems to be deriding people on a blog that you neither frequent nor care about. One might ask…whats the point? But my guess is like your life, you seem to not have one. You can call names, be juvenile and play the “cut-down” game to your heart’s content. Idle hands and such… I don’t care at all what your opinion of me is. In fact, it would be an impossibility to care any less. But there are a handfull of people on this blog that I do care about. Pity that I don’t envivion you being one of them. We enjoy talking about our opinions and feelings on relevent life topics here. We enjoy emailing eachother to check if that issue one of us is dealing with is getting better. We are all very thankful that any one of us would lift the other up in prayer at any time. You Ms. Porter are more than welcome to join in. But you need to mature a little first. See….while we are all up for the daily disagreement with one another, we don’t ususally cotton to pesky trolls. Have a fabulous night Ms Porter. Perhaps a drink or ten would do you some good.

By FCM

September 15, 2008 8:13 PM | Link to this

Well I am not telling how old I am….I just colored my hair so the gray won’t show as much….but then I have been gray since 18!

I actually met a group I used to ‘chat’ with about 10 years ago….it was a ton of fun. We met in B’head for drinks. Then we did a whole weekend blow out one time too. Good clean fun up at Cowboy’s.

JG — I have to remember SMAD….Thurs tends to be my crash and burn day…..everyone in the house is tired from the week of work to give rat about anything. So we do some light dinner, make sure homework is done and then do only non stressful things to prepare for Friday Tests and the weekend…

OK, timer is going off, I have to get the color gunk out of my hair. I think I went light brown this time. As long as I don’t go fire engine red again—-LOL! Now, you folks might have liked to see that.

By EmilyPorter

September 16, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Jesse’s Girl, I have to laugh at you. You keep saying you don’t care what I think then you write these long responses to me in defense of your actions. If you didn’t care what I thought you wouldn’t respond. I tune into this blog ocassionally because I find some of Theresa’s subject interesting and when I read the responses you are ALWAYS there. Over and over and over again you are there. Fine. I never posted a response until yesterday and I have waited literally years now for you to lose some degree of interest in this blog. Does it occupy my thoughts night and day? Nope. But when I do come here, there you are. Clearly you enjoy it. Clearly. You may find me a loser for pointing out that you seem to spend more time relating to cyber “friends” whom you don’t really know from Adam than you do relating to real people in your life. You also spend a lot of time on a Mom blog talking about motherhood but for the life of me I can’t seem to figure out when you actually find time to be a mother. I have waited a very long time to point these things out and I know you don’t know me or, so you say, care what I think, but I would argue that you are person who cares an extraordinary amount about what people you don’t know think. Duh! You are on this blog day in a day out chatting, sparring, and gabbing with people you don’t know. Then you write a long response to me trying to convince me you don’t care what I think. Ha! You need to seriously examine your motivations. I only decided to say something to you when you guys started blogging about meeting each other. Sorry, but that sounded truly pathetic to me. So call me a loser, say I need to drink more alcohol, whatever. It is all ironic to me. But I digress. Theresa has a new blog posted today. Get over there. I am sure you have very little to do in real life and lots of time to spend on her new blog. Me, I have a life to live. I am sure when I tune in next week you will still be here. Bye!

By nurse&mother

September 16, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

Emily- if you don’t like what JG posts, why don’t you just skip over her posts? There is a particular poster that is always an “expert” on the mom blog even though he doesn’t even have kids. I merely skip over his posts.

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November 19, 2008 1:27 AM | Link to this

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December 27, 2008 4:36 AM | Link to this

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