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DEL.ICIO.USAnd then there was one
It’s an odd phenomenon to go from caring for three children to only one during the school day. Do you miss your pack when they go off to school? Does it ever feel the same with a subsequent child as it did with your first?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
My 17-month-old daughter wanders the house calling for her older brother and sister. As hard as she searches, she’s not going to find them — at least not between the hours of 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. during the week.
They are both at the elementary school just a few miles away, and I feel just as lost as she does without them.
I had my two oldest children very close together (25 months apart) so I’ve rarely been without at least two children to care for at home.
We’ve gotten used to moving as a pack, and we’re pretty good at it too. Like a semi-well-oiled machine, we get into the car as a group. We go to the gym as a group. Sadly, we often even go to the bathroom as group. (You know you’ve shoved all your kids into the handicapped stall in the public restroom. What else are you going to do with that stroller?)
It’s an odd feeling to only load one child into the minivan or to only take one child with me to the grocery store. When I show up places with just Lilina, people are surprised. They expect to see me carrying the baby with the two other little ducks trailing behind.
When I’m out with the just the baby, I feel like a platoon leader who has gone out for a jog with no soldiers behind her. I turn around expecting to find other children but they’re not there.
It’s definitely easier to get our chores done, and it is nice to be “alone” in the house when the baby takes her nap. But it’s an odd sensation to go from caring for three to only one during the day.
For some bizarre reason when Lilina and I are out alone, I always feel the need to explain that she’s not my only one. I guess I don’t want other mothers summing me up as a novice.
During the week, Lilina gets up early with the rest of the kids (Let me rephrase that: The poor baby gets woken up by the rest of the kids). But I don’t think she would have it any other way. She misses them so much during the day that I think, although harder on us, she needs to eat breakfast with her brother and sister and see them off to school
When we come back into the quiet house, we just kind of look at each other like “Well what should we do now?”
We try to stay busy and stick to somewhat of a schedule. We try to workout at least four mornings a week. (She doesn’t work out so much as let me push her in the stroller.) We go to the farmer’s market together. We smell the herbs and talk to the other mommies and babies. We take the dog to be groomed and have meetings at the church.
I plan to sign her up for a music class like I used to do with Rose and hope at some point we can meet mommy friends for lunch like I used to when I just had one. The only problem is these days most of my friends have to pick up their kids from preschool at 12:30 p.m. so their play time is limited. I’m back to having all day.
We play with trains on her bedroom floor. She shoves books at me and demands “Read!” We go out back to swing. There’s far less chance of her getting knocked in the teeth by an un-observant, erratic swinger, but it’s also far less entertaining with only me singing and digging in the sand.
She plays with the gate under the arbor and explores the garden. We eat lunch, she naps, I work and we wait. Wait for the rest of our family to come home.
She’s always up just in time to greet them. I’m usually changing her diaper from her nap when we hear the bus steaming up the hill. Lilina and I run out to the stop. She squeals and laughs when she sees Rose and Walsh climb down out of the bus. Her best friends are home! And we are a crazy, boisterous pack again.
You can reach Theresa by email at ajcmomania@gmail.com. Topics for columns or blogs are welcome!
Permalink | Comments (33) | Post your comment | Categories: Family Life
Comments
By motherjanegoose
September 8, 2008 7:21 AM | Link to this
Cute story Theresa.
It is precious when siblings love each other…if even for a moment.
Mine were 5 years apart save one week, I had 5 years with my son who seemed like an only child. We were close and he was really close to his Daddy. I felt like someone cut my arm off when he left for school but I was also nursing his sister, as she was almost 3 months old. Now, he is at college and I have had 3 years with my daughter. We enjoy doing things together and I took her to Boston when school first got out. We also plan to go to NYC.
It was nice having my son as an only when he was small and her now. I do not think he would be thrilled about weekend trips with MOM now if the tables were turned…LOL. Have a good day!
By Kathy
September 8, 2008 8:08 AM | Link to this
I took my only child, 3 year old Emma, to preschool for the first time last Tuesday. I did not cry until I got home and I was in the house alone. It was so weird to be without her! For the last 3 years she and I have been inseperable. I am used to doing everything with her and it will probably take me a while to get used to being without her 2 days a week. It felt very weird to go to Walmart without her on Thursday. I almost went to the bakery and asked for the free cookie for myself!
By Jesse's Girl
September 8, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this
This is my first time without a child home with me in 11 years!! It is strange indeed. I miss them all very much….but until The Boy went off to kindergarten, I hadn’t realized how very much I miss the baby/toddler days. I have looked at the scrapbooks a lot the last couple of weeks. Good thing I have tons of work to keep me busy!!!
By MA
September 8, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this
It is indeed hard to let them go but just wait until College! I have a Junior in College and a Junior in High School. My husband and I go to breakfast on weekends to prepare ourselves for when our youngest goes off to College in two years.
By Elizabeth
September 8, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
Theresa, I loved this column…your best in a while!
By Topic Idea
September 8, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
How about a subject for parents trying to handle children with depression and/or mental issues? Maybe ideas to help the child besides going to the doctor. Also maybe discussing things that the parents have been through and things the child has done.
By Theresa
September 8, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this
Topic idea — I am happy to do this one — look for it this week or next — kathy — i love that you almost got a cookie for yourself — really funny —-
JG — all my friends were shocked that I was handling Walsh’s K so well — I told them it’s only because I still have her at home — if I didn’t there would have been crying and bedrest involved I’m sure!!
By JJ
September 8, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this
Well, I cannot relate to having more than one child.
But I will say this, I love it when she is in school, and I take a day off from work. I have the entire house to myself…..I LOVE IT. I call it a “mental health” day. I get my best cleaning done on those days……
However, I will probably be crying and needing bedrest next fall when she goes off to college…..
I have already planned a little trip for myself and my puppy, once my daughter is established in college. I am going to rent a cottage at the beach, just me and the Pup, for one entire week!!!! I won’t have to entertain any kids, don’t have to sheel out money for this and that, and I can do what I want, IF I want to do something. But I am planning on one week of JJ time, R&R.
By Jesse's Girl
September 8, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this
I don’t handle these things with much grace or dignity. When our oldest had her first day of kindergarten, I was pregnant with The Boy. First days are tough enough…couple that with pregger hormones and you’ve got yourself a full-on melt down in the hallway. Jesse has forbidden me to do first days alone ever since! I cried the whole first day this year. The oldest off for her first day of middle school and the youngest in kindergarten….it was a Kleenex-wine day! Thank God the middle only had her first day of 4th grade! I can’t take anymore milestones right now!
By Jesse's Girl
September 8, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
Hey JJ……I’ll pay for gas and food if I can partake of your beach cottage with you!
By JJ
September 8, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
Jessie’sGirl - Sure, c’mon!! I would love the ADULT company…..
As long as you don’t want to go souviener shopping, etc……and just veg at the beach. Bring books!!!
By 8==D
September 8, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this
Hope you don’t get paid based on how many people post comments……you’re up to about $20.00 worth right now….
By Jesse's Girl
September 8, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this
Woo-hoo!! $20….thats a decent pedicure!
By LM
September 8, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this
I just had one and she had been going to the sitters since she was 2 weeks old, first day of school was exciting, I did tear up a little but not a melt down.
My just turned 16 y/o is getting her license this weekend, I have been so excited, but today the fear has set in. I’d love to know how other parents handled handing over the car keys.
Also since my daughter has mental health issues, depression, ADHD and bipolar, having someone who has gone though similar things would be nice.
Sorry for going off topic.
By snglemomof2
September 8, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
JJ I agree with you I have a senior in college and a junior in high school. I can’t waiit until my junior goes off to college. I am going on a cruise. I have raised both my daughters by myself and I think I deserve a really nice vacation after that!
By Stacey
September 8, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this
I can’t really relate because I only have one child. I remember crying the first time he didn’t cry when I left him at daycare and when he “graduated” from PreK. I was nervous about him moving from daycare to elementary school but he was more excited than nervous. My husband was scared to death the first time (son) rode to bus to school and he hounded me until I called the school and made sure that he had arrived safely. This year he’s in 2nd grade and he made it clear long before school started that I was not allowed to walk him to class the first day. I took his bulky supplies with me to open house and he saw then where his classroom was. He was very excited about being able to ride the bus to school the first day.
By Jesse's Girl
September 8, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this
Lm….please do not be offended. But one of my neices has similar issues and the docs asked my brother to not let her drive until they were certain how her meds would react to her changing hormonal levels. I guess it was the whole do not operate heavy machinery while on these medications thing…
By lovin life
September 8, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this
JG adn LM We had the same issue with a cousin and got the same advice from a dr.
on topic Baby B was born when E was in pre-k. I am a sahm and so when every day we go pick her up from school and we are together or we all go to her sport practice. Over the summer however, he got very use to having her around. Now that school is back he has been going through a little sad time. He is not talking yet (only 9 mo) but says a form of her name every time we go past her room or the play room . He is always very excited when we are in the car and I tell him we are going to get her. And she gets in the car and talks to him sometimes forever before she even remembers to say Hi MOM! I love that they love eachother so. I just hope it lasts as they grow!
By Jesse's Girl
September 8, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this
You know what we seriously need to cover….how to handle the emotional rollercoaster that comes when your sweet angel encounters her first “cycle”.
By Denise
September 8, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this
LM, I have bipolar disorder so I understand what you and your daughter are dealing with…more so her of course. I’m not sure how this will work but if there is a way for you to contact me to discuss off line, I welcome it.
By JJ
September 8, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this
snglemomof2 You go girl!!! I too raised my child alone. I figure I deserve it too!!! If you need a sailing companion, let me know. I have two cruises under my belt, so I kinda know what to expect…….
Jessie’sgirl Great topic idea…..Althought, I wish we had covered it like 7 years ago!!!!! ha ha
By LM
September 8, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this
No offense taken….
As to her meds, she as been on the same ones for several years, as to her using “heavy machinery” I am not to worried, she has a 4-wheeler and she had always done well with them. My new worry is just letting her drive around town or to another town. I remember when I got to the driving age, I drove for 2 years without a license and never thought anything of it. But… I maybe not as ready for her to drive as I thought I was and as ready as she might be.
JG AB/DC started her cylcle about two years ago, not regular and bad until this year, she has been on her “.” since the end of June frist of July. A few weeks ago I took her to the doctor because she has not energy and very moody, she was put on birth control to help. Another one of the joys of motherhood.
I think Teresa can give you my email address or I will post later.
By MOM3
September 8, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this
When my oldest went to kingergarten, I was pregnant with number 3. The hardest part was that he didn’t want to go, and he cried everyday when I dropped him off. Try doing that everyday when you are 6 months pregnant! I would cry the whole way home, with the 3 year old in the back seat telling me everything would be ok! Now he’s in college, and I can’t even get him to come home for the weekend - go figure.
By Jesse's Girl
September 8, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this
Momof3…thats EXACTLY how it went down for me too!!!!
My daughter has yet to enter into her cycle…but the mood swings and sullen attitude looms over head! Only a couple of her friends have started…and we’ve had all the talks and made all the contigency plans should it happen at school. Still…this is my BABY!!! I swear….I will either be on prozac by the time she graduates or I will be a total lush. Maybe both.
By new mom
September 8, 2008 5:12 PM | Link to this
Hi all!
I only have our one, so I guess people are “summing me up as a novice”. Good thing I’m not worried about what they think! ;)
I don’t know if we’ll have another, it took us years to get our one and only! So I can’t relate…and the thought of her going off to school makes me sad. I miss that baby when she sleeps!! I tell my husband every night that I want to go crawl into her crib and cuddle her while she sleeps…That would be quite a sight, talk about ‘when the bough breaks…’
We’re about to celebrate her first birthday, and I’m so excited to celebrate HER, but I get so sad that her first year has passed already. Can I just stick a brick on her head and keep her this cuddly size forever? Maybe not until that soft spot completely goes away….
JJ and JG, I want to go to the beach too! Or a cruise, I’m not picky….
By FCM
September 8, 2008 7:06 PM | Link to this
Absolutely normal to mourn that a phase of your life is coming closer to an end. It is not at a true end until Lili herself boards that big yellow bus for school.
Since you can appreciate that this time will fly by, spend it wisely. Cherish the special time you get with Lili. Don’t spend the day waiting for them get home. Spend your time finding things that are special to Theresa and Lili….Here’s a thought, meet Daddy for lunch! So much easier to do with one.
Also, consider taking a ‘mental health break’f or yourself. Find a Mothers Morning Out that will take her for 3-4 hours a couple of times a day. She is used to the socialization with the children so let her keep doing that. During that time do something for Theresa…..My mom used the time to learn to play tennis, and she was dang good at it! Plus, I wish I had the figure she did when she was my age!!!!
By mom2B
September 8, 2008 7:26 PM | Link to this
Hi All,
I just started reading Teresa’s articles as of late, being 7 mths pregnant & its my first. I read about all of your stories (brief yet informative) and I already get emotional, excited, overwhelmed, etc. I didn’t know that 3 yr olds went to preschool.. I have a lot to learn!
I hope to post in the future about my little boy.. who I’m sure will make mom cry a bit.
By motherjanegoose
September 9, 2008 7:53 AM | Link to this
fcm…Mother’s Morning Out is a great idea! I do think it is important to remember who YOU are ( besides Mommy)and if you do not work outside that house, that may be a problem. I have always worked,…so nada for me. Have a great day.
By JJ
September 9, 2008 7:56 AM | Link to this
Mom2B - Welcome!!! You will definately learn alot here in this blog…….
NewMom & JG I just read the Parenting Manual, Chapters 18 & 19, “Beach/cruise Trips”, and the rules specifically state that your children MUST be out of the house in order for you to go on the trip.
Therefore, I will round up the Moms with no kids at home, and we will scope out the trips next fall, as mine is leaving then. I will change my name to “JJ, cruise director”.
Singelmomof2 will be able to come the following year, as her child is still a junior.
NewMom won’t be able to go for another 17 years, don’t know when Jessie’s Girl will be able to join us, and by then I will probably be a grandma, and will have to forfeit my trips……
HA HA HA HA!!!
By LM
September 9, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this
JJ I’ll have to miss next years trip, but will join you & Singlemomof2 in 2010. I will be in dire need of the girl time and sharing war stories.
JJ will I be able to bring my puppy also?
By JJ Cruise Director
September 9, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this
LM Sure, bring the pup……they are fun at the beach, so I am told….
2010 will be the year of the cruise. 2009 will be the beach trip. We will alternate trips……..
Who’s in for 09?
By LM
September 9, 2008 7:42 PM | Link to this
JJ
Since I can’t send her off to her dads, so I will wait until the 2010 cruise, so where are we curising? I’ll join you in 2011 for the beach also, Flashman (the puppy) will enjoy running around with other doggies. We lost the greyhound this summer, she was the most wonderful doggie I had ever know. Flash is not wonderful, but I love him.
By nanamom
September 29, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this
To LM - what are you thinking letting a 16 yr old with ADHD, depression and bipolar get a license. Very few 16 yr olds can handle driving, much less with these problems ( I’m an RN with some psych background). Please rethink for everyone as well as your daughters safety!