MOMania

By Jesse's Girl

September 4, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

I try very hard to be involved in the kids’ classes. While I don’t volunteer to be room mom per se’…I know I can’t always be there there physically when there is a need. But I do the best I can. My big thing is making sure the teachers have enough snack ( at the elementary level)and that the teachers know I will donate money for anything they need. I also pay extra for field trips and such knowing that there are some children who’s families cannt afford it. So…I do I do what I can when I can.

By Ebaby

September 4, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

I remember the one time my mom was able to volunteer before she started working again. I remember feeling so happy that she had come to school with me. I hope that I can room-mom as much as possible when my turn comes. I can see how juggling multiple kids/rooms can be a challenge, plus a baby in tow. Its amazing how little we appreciate our parents until we actually walk in their shoes.

By Ebaby

September 4, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this

Jesse’s Girl Those are great ideas for contributing without actually being physically present. During the back-to-school blogs, I got to thinking that a better Holiday present for the teachers is actually a gift card to a school supply store since so many of them use their personal money to purchase extra materials and decorations for the room.

By lovin life

September 4, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

ahh.. Kind of a cool downd from yesterday! I can’t tell you how many times I had tobite my tongue. At my daughter’s school parents are all over the place to volunteer. I was room mom 2 years ago. Last year I was co President of the PTA and this year I am room mom again. The my co-room mom and I put out sign up sheets at open house and the slots all filled very fast. As a matter of fact 2 moms who had to split open house between 2 kids were upset because they did not get t sign up for as much as they wanted.
While her school is wonderful, it is not perfect. There are still a number of parents you never see except for the spring performance and maybe their child’s IEP and some don’t even show for those things. I would say about 50% volunteer in some way with 10-15% doing most of the work. Still not too bad of numbers from what I understand.

By Smart Ace

September 4, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

You know I, and many other kids, always thought that the kids who’s parents volunteered in school were a bunch of douchetools.

I don’t want to be thought of as that. I’ll have lunch with my kids when they have parent-kid lunch day but I think I’ll let the teachers do their jobs and not get in the way unless the teacher specifically asks me to.

By JJ

September 4, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

Room mom, that seems like eons ago for me……but yes, I was always co-room mom. Most of the Room Moms were SAHM. I enjoyed co-rooming and loved helping the teacher, and being a part of my daughter’s elementary school experience. I worked close to her school, so I was able to get there quickly and back to work timely.

But like I said, those days are long gone, so I will lurk today.

By Theresa

September 4, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

hey Smart Ace — It’s not the teacher’s job to plan the parties and the special events for the kids and it’s not the teachers job to call all the parents and ask them to contribute, work a party or bring in stuff that the class needs. The parents do that. This particular parent spent more than an hour yesterday typing into an Xcel spread sheet all the parents and kids names, their phone numbers (usually 3 for each family), their emails and what they are willing to bring in — I also then created an email database so we can easily ask the parents for what the teacher needs —This DT as you so nicely put it is also paying for a babysitter to go to a meeting wiht the teacher today to plan the whole year of special events — so it’s not the teacher’s job to do all that and some parent, somewhere in your kid’s school will be doing that. Nobody says you have to do it but at least be appreciative and respectful that someone is taking the time to do it.

By Intown Mom

September 4, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

Our daughter is in kindergarten this year and my husband and I - along with a handful of other progressive neighbors - made the committment to try to support our public school instead of going the typical private route.

It has been an eye-opening experience. The children are really great, but the vast majority of parents couldn’t care less about helping the school in any way shape or form.

As a result, the few who do care and are involved are completely overwhelmed.

Worse yet, some of the school staff is REALLY put-off by our level of involvement and seem irritated by our offers to help … They were all for our participation before we entered the school, but now that we’re actually there, some seem to really resent us and what they feel to be excessive scrutiny.

I hate to say it, but I honestly don’t know if we’ll make it through the year there. But regardless, I will be an active parent anywhere my child goes.

By My3Kids

September 4, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

I volunteer as much as I can at the school. Luckily, my bosses are great with me volunteering at the schools. My current bosses knew I did this when I was hired. I did have one job that looked down at it and luckily that job didn’t work out. I had a one job that actaully encouraged me to be a room mom when my oldest started school. When I was at the school with my oldest, I dragged my middle one with me when she was a baby. I even did PTA while working 2 full time jobs. Now with 3 kids, 2 being school aged and in 2 different schools, I am on the PTA board at the middle school and volunteer for the PTA for the elementaary school.

I love working up at the school when I can.

With the way I work, I still try to be active with the girls. Even if I can’t be there in the class, the teachers know I can be reached for phone calls and creating documents and anything else I am needed for.

By katy

September 4, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

I have never been room mom mainly because I work and can’t devote the time needed. BUT my husband and I do attend parties, send food/supplies when needed and attend at least 1-2 field trips a year. I am lucky to work for a company that allows me to be away for the special events at school. I know some who can’t get away. Some do any and everything they can for their child’s class….others of us try to do what we can.

By SarahO

September 4, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

I have one child in elementary school, and one in preschool. Yesterday was my first day volunteering in the classroom. I have never been a Room Mom, but I have volunteered in class for 3 years.

I enjoy helping the teachers with small reading and math groups, and it helps them be able to focus attention on the kids who need it.

When I finished yesterday, I went into the school library and helped shelve books.

The teachers and staff appreciate every minute you can offer, and they are never demanding, just grateful.

We have a small school, and each year the parent involvement gets stronger. And guess what? The school gets stronger, too.

I think whatever you can do, however you can do it, if you are willing to help out, the help is needed and appreciated.

By deidre_NC

September 4, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

all of my (5) kids are grown now except for my baby who is a senior this year so the room mom thing is of the past for me. i have to say tho-i never ever heard of kids thinking badly of parents who donated their time to the school. instead i saw many kids cry cause neither of their parents were at parties or whatever. i dont know where you went to school smart ace but your post was pretty rude. my kids attened several different schools in the school years and i never saw what you posted. my kids personally loved it when i could go to any of their events and especially loved it when i was actually involved in any planning. other kids in their classes felt the same way. all the kids i know felt it very special if their parents were there and involved. i persoanlly hated when my mom would go because she was a psycho b**ch but that was an exception lol

By Intown Mom

September 4, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

Do any of your schools require background checks for room parents/classroom volunteers? If so, please let me know if yoy volunteer at a public or private school, and in which county.

At my daughter’s nursury school, all room parents and volunteers needed background checks, so I was surprised when I didn’t need one at the public school.

By Smart Ace

September 4, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

@Theresa

I didn’t say people who volunteered were douchetools….you can type the word by the way….if a word offends you that is your problem…..not mine….anyway, I contribute to my children’s school by providing school supplies and such when asked.

I was just making a point about what I and other kids thought about parents who volunteered. Come to think of it….if you volunteered a few times that really wasn’t a big deal but if you were there as the “Room Mom” you and your child were social outcasts among your child’s peers.

I grew up going to East Cobb schools so pretentiousness and arrogance are par for the course….I can’t help that.

By Stacey

September 4, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

My son’s school discourages parents volunteering in their child’s classroom during the school day except for special occasions because it is very often more of a distraction than a help. They do ask parents to volunteer in other capacities or a different classroom. If Jessie’s Girl is my son’s teacher, they would ask that I help in Ebaby’s class, for example. I was laid off for a while when he was in PreK and I would often volunteer at the school but the only time I worked in his classroom was at the director’s request. My son ignored me for the most part (he seemed annoyed that I was there) but the other kids argued over who I would help, sit next to, play with, etc.

I do make sure my son has all of his supplies & send any extra that the teacher requests, I attend all conference, PTA meetings, open houses, etc. I also provide treats for parties, gifts for “The Treasure Chest”, etc. Even still, his teachers have all said that they appreciate most that he is always well behaved, does his homework, and comes to school clean & well fed.

By Jesse's Girl

September 4, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this

Even though I had to seriously reschedule things….I have, in the past, been the room mom by proxy. This happened when no one else would step up to the plate. Thats the real problem I have….when parents simply refuse to be involved. The kids love it when I am there. Though I will have to temper my presense in my son’s kingergarten class due to the fact that he likes to show off when I’m around:)But I have lunch with the younger two at least once a week…as does dad. They love that most of all!

I think most teachers don’t want parents just showing up. Ask for ways to help…then follow through. Whenever I get groceries…I buy extra snacks for the kids’ classes. Its the small things your teachers will appreciate.

By Lauren

September 4, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

After reading Smart Ace’s posts I am so glad that I live intown and away from the burbs and that I keep my kids out of public schools!

By Jesse's Girl

September 4, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

I really only have a problem with SmartAces’s choice of adjective. I would have said just “tool” or maybe douche-wad”. Bone-head is always a perennial favorite.

Serioulsy..I do see your POV. I rememeber beinf MORTIFIED when anyone in my family showed up..although this was probably 4th grade and up. I think it had more to do with how the other students reacted. But in the younger grades..they dig it.

By Stacey

September 4, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

My does love it when either my husband and I are able to attend the awards programs or chaperone field trips. When I was in school awards day was an annual event but his school does it quarterly and it’s sometimes hard to schedule my work obligations around it. If possible, either my husband or I will take an early and extended lunch break so one of can attend but last year it only worked out once. Because there are so many “school holidays” in this year’s calendar, my PTO will pretty much be exhausted with those days so chaperoning field trips will probably not be an option for me. I have to admit that I am a little bummed out about that. :-(

By Becky

September 4, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Actually, I was the same way as Smart Ace when I was in school. I didn’t want my Mom or God forbid my Dad to come to my school to help out with anything..It was a whole different story though if my older sister came to school to help, that was ok..I don’t think he’s being ugly, I think he’s just telling the truth..

By momtomax&alex

September 4, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

My kids LOVE it when I volunteer for anything in the school.

I don’t do the room parent thing, because it;s very administrative and I don’t enjoy that, but I teach Adventures in Art (a once a month Histiry of Art program) in both my kid’s classes, got at least 1 or 2 field trips, and I am involved with the Foundation.

BTW Ace, this is all in an East Cobb school and my kids never had any issues because of it. I get to know all my kid’s classmates and the other parents have heard of me through their children, so play dates are always plentiful.

I think maybe the douche was you when you wre in school. If that word offends you, that’s your problem.

By new mom

September 4, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Yeah, I agree that Smart Ace was just being honest…I remember that kids whose parents were always there were kinda considered dorks. Now that’s for the older grades, probaby 3rd and up…

I plan to help as much as I can when our little one starts school (being a former teacher who ‘escaped’, I know how critical it is to have parents’ support!) But I do want to make sure that our daughter knows she can tell me if she really doesn’t want me around, especially as she gets older.

I taught fifth grade, and trust me, kids really don’t want their parents there, even for parties! My solution was to have parents send supplies for the parties, but my mom actually came in and helped me—the kids all thought it was fun to see my mother, I got some help, and no child was soooo embarrassed. (My class was 2/3 girls, oh the drama…) I wonder if schools and teachers might welcome grandparents helping in leiu of parents…Most children adore their grandparents, and aren’t as embarrassed of them! Just a thought…

By single mom

September 4, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

Ok - this is so off subject but I dont know how I can email Theresa so Im gonna post it here. I have a two year old son and he’s been getting in trouble at school/daycare. So much trouble…he’s about to get kicked out. Im lost for words I dont know what to do. He is biting and fighting the other kids. Every day he has a behavioral report because of something he’s done to another kid. Mind you I never get reports when he comes home with teeth marks and face looking like he was fighting a cat, but Ive addressed that in the meeting about him being kicked out. I havent popped up at the school because I work a good ways from his daycare. But thinking about taking a day off so that when and if it happens I can get there and he knows why mommie is there. But the weird thing is….I think he knows he’s doing wrong because when I pick him up and say “why did you bite today”…he just looks down and say sorry mommie. Please advise…….

P.S. I am looking for a new place but do you think that will solve our problem..

And sorry to get off subject but you guys seem to have good advice.

By Becky

September 4, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

new mom, you are right about the grandparents..My 2 grandchildren beg me to come to their school(kindergarten) all the time..I try as much as possible, but due to distance & work, I don’t get to go as much as I (or they) would like..

By Theresa

September 4, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Hey Single MOm — you are not alone in this — i know of several people this has happened to —- I’m not sure if people want to advise now or make it a whole topic — which I’m happy to do ——- I guess let’s how if you get some help today andif not we’ll post it again —- i’ve got to go to the vet but I do have some examples to share —-

By JJ

September 4, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

SingleMom This same situation happened to a close friend of mine. They ended up moving him to private day care.

My first question is - do you experience this type of behaviour at home? Or is it strictly at the day care?

If it’s only at the day care, then I think something happened to your son. Either a kid or a teacher has done something to him to make him unhappy there. And he is expressing his unhappiness by the behaviour. Remember, he’s only 2 and cannot communicate like you and I.

My friend pulled his kid out of the day care (they were getting calls about him daily), and put him in a private home day care. They have not had ONE single problem with their 3 year old since. He is thriving at his new day care, and has been there for 6 months now. He was potty trained in two weeks, some new “boot camp”. I think Theresa touched on this subject about a month ago…..

By phr

September 4, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Singlemom - I have experienced this first hand. We were asked to find other daycare arrangements for our son. I’m so glad that I did. We left a really nice upscale daycare and ended up finding a wonderful place where my son had absolutely no issues. I don’t know why I stayed with the first school when they started the documenting. My husband told me to change right when that started, but I had faith. I will never make that mistake again. My son is now in elementary school and getting smiley faces everyday. I think it is the overall attitude that some of these daycares have about boys. They don’t want them to act like boys. I think it starts at the top too from the directors or owners.

Find a new place and don’t look back, that’s my advice!

By Numbers Guy

September 4, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

I have been at every teacher meeting and read a couple of times to my son’s class, but I’m working full time to bring in the majority of the budget, and my wife is working part-time. As a result, it’s easier for her to break loose the daytime hours to handle this kind of stuff.

He goes to a private school, and there are usually several SAHM’s who are willing to take the lion’s share of this kind of thing.

By new mom

September 4, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

Hi Singlemom,

I feel for you. And I hope you don’t take what I’m about to type personally at all! But before you pull your son out of his school, I might encourage you to first question if there have been any recent changes to your lives, even if they seem insignificant to you or you think your son doesn’t notice them. Children are very sensitive, and even if they don’t know exactly what’s going on, they always know if something is bothering or upsetting us parents. (even our 11 mth old picks up on our moods very quickly!) And at that age, like JJ said, they can’t communicate with us like we would, so they act out in other ways.

I’m sure you give him lots of attention, but perhaps he needs even more. Every child is different, and I think it’s important to learn about their individual needs so we can meet them, especially at such a young age!

Again, I don’t mean this as a slam or anything! I would just hate to think that you change daycare providers only to discover that the problem still exists, or possibly gets worse. And if you do decide to change, I would first ask his current teachers where and when he seems to excel—perhaps he is really good in small groups, but acts up in larger group settings. If so, maybe you could look for a provider with a smaller student:teacher ratio. Perhaps he’s better behaved earlier in the week (after a weekend at home with you) then he is later in the week, after a week of school. In that case, maybe he needs more family time at home mid-week.

Good luck, and please keep us posted on his progress! :)

By b

September 4, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Ah the days of room mom—I did not volunteer to do that as there were always moms who really really really wanted to do it. What I did was volunteer to be a reader when they were very young, always sent in requested supplies, showed up for lunch every now and then, and attended all the programs.

During middle school parent activity is definitely not as highly courted. Really the public middle school just wanted help with certain projects but not really in the classroom. Our youngest is in a private school for middle school and there is a little more parent involvement needed there but still not as much as at the elementary level.

Once high school hit I was there a lot. It takes a lot of time, money and effort to maintain a large high school with so many different athletic, fine arts and academic programs and activities. There were many hours spent on fund raising, both planning and attending, many opportunities to attend programs and of course, senior year was one event after another, including that throwback to elementary school—Senior Treats.

I work full-time outside the home but use every PTO hour I have to attend as many events as I can. My husband cannot as easily attend but when I am OOT he steps up and is there. We even do that when possible for our oldest who is in college—Parent Weekend, some games, etc.

The decision should be based on how involved you want to be in your child’s school and then balance that with the time you have available. I will say that it is much easier to know what is happening in your child’s life, especially in high school if you make the effort to be involved.

By Jesse's Girl

September 4, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

Most kids don’t act out just for the sake of acting out. I would bet the farm that something is going on. While it may not be a huge thing to the adults he has contact with during his day…..it is to him. Bottom line…this is your baby. If you have any hint that something hinky is going on and it isn’t being dealt with to boot on the part of the teachers….you must take him out. He will regress if his emotional issues are left to fester. Again…this may be nothing to the adults at his day care. But to your boy…something is going on and it matters very much to him.

By madhattermx

September 4, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

Single Mom.

No slamming here either. More of BTDT. New mom’s question to consider is a good one. Children are sensitive to things we may not bat an eyelash to.If you can identify something, if it is, outside of school.You and the center can work on resolving it together.

I would personally try everything possible before switching schools/ daycare centers. That, in itself, is a huge adjustment for children to make.

And some hope for you. Children may be sensitive, but they are too, resilient.

Keep us updated.

By madhattermx

September 4, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

Single Mom

I also agree with JEsse’s Girl. If the center staff is not being supportive of your efforts to identify/resolve your son’s issues at the moment, maybe switching is the right thing.

Switching providers IS a huge adjustment, but if you are not comfortable leaving your son there and can not trust the teachers to keep your son in their best interest, maybe it is time.

Good luck. I know it is hard.

By single mom

September 4, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

Thanks you guys for all suggestions…just got call from teacher and he’s been acting out all day. Trying to bite her and the kids….acting out at lunch, eating the other kids food. As for Changes in our lives…..its just him and I. I cant think of any change. No new ppl around him. We do things together on the weekends. I really dont know what to do, Im not working tomorrow so that I can be at the school.

Thanks again for all the suggetions and comments and I dont think anyone is being mean, Im open to what everyone has to say.

By FCM

September 4, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

Last year I was a room mom…The parents were AWESOME. Well, for the social side.

I also read a good bit to the younger child’s class…I could do it as my ‘lunch’ from work. I used some vacation to do the field trip gig or help in my older child’s room

This year, not so much an option. However, I have sent in ‘wish list’ items to the teachers, let them know I will send what they need, and am keeping an eye for Free Day Fun activities.

I am however on a personal mission. I am trying to make the School more aware of the plight of single parenting. Their Cirriculum Nights do not allow children. That means that single parents (divorced, military, widow/widower), or parents where the support works night, etc are unable to attend. Other times (like Theresa mentioned) there are younger siblings too. That limits how much a parent can do.

I understand the liablity issues at stake for the school.

By motherjanegoose

September 4, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

Just back form sharing stories with Kindergarten. As many of you know…I taught for years before I became Mother Goose ( that is not just my user name). Any way…here are my tips.

I was never a room mom but often a party mom ( not what you think…hahaha). I organized the sign up sheet for the parties… I.E. _ brings sodas, _ paper goods, _ chips or crackers_ fruit, _ games__ craft. This is so helpful to those who cannot be present but want to know how to help! Face it…some folks are working and cannot get off. I followed up with everyone and made sure things were executed. When my daughter was in 3rd grade…I did the Scholastic Book Order every month ( at home). I knew the logistics and this saved the teacher 2 hours! Ask the teacher…”what is one thing I can do to help you..” they will love this!

Some parents are huge helicopters and they drive teachers nuts. If a teacher has had this bad experience or sees potential with some parents…he/she will lock the gate and not let anyone in! While this sounds mean, you do not want this particular parent in the classroom all the time and trying to run things!

Regarding teacher gifts…I do not want to sound ungracious but I would NOT like a gift card to a teacher resource store.
At this moment, I have a watercolor that was painted by an artist whose child attended the school I was at 19 years ago. The parents all pitched in $10 or so and it was given to me. I cherish it every day as I pass it…I had it framed myself.

Suggestions: Starbucks gift cards Borders or Barnes and Noble gift cards ( these could all be $5!) Movie tickets ( $10-$20) Restaurant Gift Cards for those who want to go together…the teacher can use these after a rough day in class!

In the spring, I give matching paper plates, napkins and cups ( from Tuesday Morning) so the teacher can enjoy a no dishwashing night with pretty plates ( usually for ladies).

A man might like a gift card for a car wash…I would like this too….LOL.

If you give a gift card to a teacher store, YOUR children are enjoying the teacher’s gift and not the teacher.

Always remember: kindness to a teacher comes back to you…I think you guys can figure this out.

I DO have over 50 ornaments from kids that I LOVE and enjoy seeing when I put up my tree but not everyone agrees.

Hope this helps!

By JJ

September 4, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this

Singlemom If you go to the school tomorrow, do not let your child see you. Try and watch from a distance.

If he sees you his behavior will definately be different. You need to see what is causing his behavior. You have every right to go and watch!

And, not sure if you know this or not, but there are a few single moms (and dads too) on this blog. I am one of them. This blog is a great source for ideas, comfort, etc. We may not know each other personally, but we all usually get along. And the majority of us are very passionate about the topics Theresa poses for us.

Welcome to our little blog family.

By Numbers Guy

September 4, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Second vote for attempting to watch discretely, singlemom. It’d be even better if the teacher wasn’t aware of your presence either, but some things just can’t be arranged. He can’t tell you what’s up in that little head yet, so you’re going to have to lay super-detective and try to root out the real issue.

By Theresa

September 4, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

Singlemom — one other story for you —- we had a friend who had twin boys — The one twin always got in trouble at the Y and whereever they were — the other little guy never got in trouble other places and then two years ago at preschool they kept complaining to the mom how bad the second little boy was — and they told the little boy so frequently that he was bad he started acting out because they were saying it to him —-oddly the other twin with a differnt teacher was an angel (he was usually the wild one) —- She got tired of hearing it from the teacher —she didn’t think it was a fair analysis and pulled them out —— In the new preschool, the little boy that the teacher had said was soo bad was perfect — different teacher, different style -s he was a good match —— oddly the other little guy started having trouble —

My feeling is that little kids are usually acting out for a reason —- I don’t think kids are just bad — I think you’ve got to figure out that reason - and that may mean switching schools —- or at the very least teachers — who knows maybe a classmate is harrasing him and the teacher is missing it or maybe the teacher just doens’t jive wtih him and he’s sensing that —— it could also be a home issue — but don’t think your child is bad — there’s something deeper going on —-

we had a preschool teacher one year that just didn’t get Rose — she didn’t appreciate her energy or her joie de vivre —(please don’t correct my high school french) — I didn’t switch her class because i was so new to the whole thing — I would definitely switch a kid now — and with my son I signed up for two morning instead of one just to avoid that teacher — it’s just like us wtih bosses— I’m sure there’s some bosses and co-workers we’d like to bite but you learn that control later —

By Stacey

September 4, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

Singlemom… I never went through what you described with my child but I have several nieces and nephews and few of them were biters. One (IMO) was just a bully and if the other child bit him back, he stopped. I had a niece who did not want her mother (my sister) out of her sight and would cry for hours no matter who she was left with. This lasted until she was in 2nd grade then she finally outgrew it. Another one simply did not want to share so if he wanted the toy someone was playing with, he would snatch the toy from the other kid and bite, hit, kick, etc. He was kicked out of a several daycares for this behavior. His mother would always get mad with the daycare arguing that they should have enough of the popular toys for each of the kids to have one! It’s funny because my nephew is now has kids of his own but he is still stingy! LOL

By new mom

September 4, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

(off-topic) but motherjanegoose, I googled you and I think I just found your website! Don’t worry, I won’t post it here…

By FCM

September 4, 2008 5:18 PM | Link to this

@ Single Mom

Had the same thing happen with my child. Eventually I found out what was REALLY going on andBTW, I reported it to the state, but since the school fired the teacher the state did NOTHING.

If your child is doing that MOVE HIM from the school…NOW!!!! I kick myself daily for not moving my children sooner.

By motherjanegoose

September 4, 2008 5:35 PM | Link to this

@ newmom… no big deal…since I have been invited to speak in 46 states, I know THOUSANDS of folks and love what I do. There is always room in my circle for new friends…haha! You can e-mail me off of my web page. Everyone…have a super weekend and enjoy the cooler weather…it is wonderful!

By Kathy

September 4, 2008 6:17 PM | Link to this

Theresa, I want to comment on the statement you made in your opening about your 17 month old. As a “semi-retired” Kindergarten teacher, I can tell you that it is not a good idea to bring the baby to school to help in anyway…academics or parties. My friend motherjanegoose can back me up on this one. It is stressful as a teacher to have a sibling in the room. Even when the mom is in charge of their tot, the teacher is still worried about him or her. It is also taking your attention away from helping out in the classroom. So, if at all possible, leave the little sweetie at home. : )

I wanted to also say that having spent my whole teaching career in low income schools, it was always my job to plan EVERYTHING! There was little to no parent participation in the PTA, so there were no Room Moms. The teachers made all the arrangments for parties, called parents and begged for goodies, etc. Once in a blue moon, a mom would be able to come in to help and we were all so grateful! When I do go back to teaching, if I teach in a school where parent participation is high, I won’t know what to do with myself….or with a Room Mom for that matter! Thank God for all you Room Moms out there. Teachers appreciate all you do.

By motherjanegoose

September 4, 2008 6:42 PM | Link to this

Yes, KATHY is correct.

BTW…she called me earlier this summer to see if it was really me on the blog. We got a good laugh out of this. She thought it sounded like me and yes it is me!

I met Kathy at Kindergarten years ago ( before she was married or a Mom). I am proud to know her and so many wonderful teachers across the country. I am always thrilled to meet more as I travel. Next week to Wisconsin!

If teachers weren’t so busy running the schools…they would do a darned good job running th country…but that is another topic for another day!

By DB

September 5, 2008 7:42 AM | Link to this

Oh, boy — the days of Dueling Room Moms! I never was a room mom, because there was always someone else who was doing backflips wanting to do it, and I was content to help in the room when needed, and then teaching Junior Achievement, etc. But I spent a lot of time helping in the library, which I loved — my favorite part of the school, plus I got to see my kids in passing.

I vividly remember The Teddy Bear Tea Party (after the unit on manners, etc.) in Kindergarten. Omigod. One room mom was visibly upset because another room mom had elected to bring in her sterling silver tea service and arranged for a couple of moms to bring in lovely china plates and tea cups in order to serve “tea” — “How DARE she!” This mom was obviously a frustrated caterer — six trips to the car for just the stuff SHE brought. The spread she put on for those Kindergarteners would have done the White House proud!The rest of us just stood around agape in wonder and envy. :-) It got hilarious, each room mom trying to outdo the other. The kids were the bemused recipients of increasingly elaborate Halloween parties, Christmas parties, Valentine’s Day parties, etc., etc. I noticed that, the next year, the teachers gave out guidelines as to what was appropriate for parties, and really reined it in.

Intown Mom, when I was reading your comments about the school seeming to be unwilling to use help from parents, I’ll just make this observation: Sometimes what the parents think of as “help” (especially parents whose first child is starting school) is often perceived by the staff to be thinly-veiled (and some not-so-thinly veiled) criticisms of the way they are doing things. The first-time school parents are often the most guilty of this, because they, too, have to learn how to get along with other people and learn to allow their child to be part of a group. They’ve been running interference for their child for so long, they forget that it’s time to start stepping back a bit. Well-meaning offers of help sometimes come in the form of, “Gee, why don’t you do (whatever) like THIS — here, I’ll do it!” without an understanding of why things may be done a certain way in the first place. I am NOT saying that that is what you do — there’s nothing in your post that would suggest that — but I put it out there as food for thought because, as the daughter, granddaughter, niece and cousin of a family full of teachers and administrators, and some of the stories they’d bring home were — ahem — enlightening, to say the least!

By motherjanegoose

September 5, 2008 8:01 AM | Link to this

GREAT POINTS DB!

By motherjanegoose

September 5, 2008 8:18 AM | Link to this

Here is a funny room mom story that happened to my neighbor, when she was a room mom. She was organizing a class party and had folks bringing punch, crackers, chips, sandwiches, fruit, paper goods etc. She specified that there were 18 students in the classroom and to please plan accordingly. The fruit lady sent 18 GRAPES…. HELLO? We laughed our heads off at this. Would you not send 18 little bunches of grapes in separate baggies. What if 2 grapes got squished…would you cut 2 more in half? This is why some folks need to stay away from the classroom and get a job…they have not interacted in the real world in WAY to long. No offense meant to SAH moms .

By Jesse's Girl

September 5, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

I got one for ya! When our middle daughter was in kindergarten…the room mom was a fruit cake. I’m sure I will offend someone here…..but she was the kind that wore skirts or dresses ala’ Laura Ingles…everyday. She was so inceredibly sweet…but I knew right away that these kids were going to eat her alive. I was the asst to the music teacher that year, so I was able to see all of the fun first hand. In less than a month she a couple of goofy kindergarten hands stuck up her skirt, her hair got caught in the laminater and one kid got bored during story time and CUT HER HAIR!!! I thought my heart would actually stop beating form the giggles I got after I heard the kid’s explanation. Apparently….our saintly room mom got tired of wiping this kid’s nose…why he wasn’t doing it, I don’t know….so she thought it would be wise to bring in her personal booger-sucker form home. Thats right folks. She stuck the snot-sucker into this boy’s nose and preceeded to clear his sinuses right in front of the class! What was so funny is that he didn’t cut her hair out of revenge. He said “Well, I had boogers and she got them out. She always had glue and cracker crumbs in her hair. So I cut her hair so that she wouldn’t have that yucky stuff in it. Mommy said to UNDO as you would have them UNDO you” She ran out of the school saying that her faith had been shaken by this and that her standing in her church would be called into question. I thought her hair looked lovely….

By MomsRule

September 5, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

18 grapes! LOL

I’ve done the room mom thing many times! Good times…good times.

The key to being good at it is understanding your role is to help the teacher and the children.

I’ve seen some Moms who are way to pushy about it and make it all “all about them.” Cut the strings and join a coffee club for peats sake! Your childs academic career is not designed to be your social circle!

I actually had a teacher call before school started one year and beg me to be her room mom. She did not want the woman who was volunteering! A very overbearing, gossipy individual, who would not allow her daughter to grow up and who was in the classroom daily!

I also had a Mom call me once and tell me that she was laying the ground work for us 2nd grade parents moving into the 3rd grade because she, “wanted to ensure all the Moms had a good time.” In her opinion there just weren’t enough crafts and parties built into the 3rd grade schedule. “Why don’t the 3rd graders get to have a craft and Fun Friday every week like the little ones?”

WHAT!?

I replied, “Excuse me, but this isn’t about you! Its about the kids! And I, for one, am not interested in hosting any extra parties or crafts than what is scheduled, I’m sending my children to school to get an education, not party every week.”

Funny, she and I never spoke again. Go figure…

By MomsRule

September 5, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Jesse’s Girl, it takes all kinds doesn’t it! LMAO

By new mom

September 5, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Morning all!

I have an off-topic question for you smart moms out there…something we are struggling with. Our precious 11 mth old daughter (will be 1 year in 10 days) doesn’t understand the word NO. In fact, she thinks it’s funny. We have a couple of these round tables w/ tablecloths over them in our house, and she always wants to ‘play’ in the tablecloth (I think she likes the feeling of the cloth on her face) When she’s headed that way, we say NO firmly, she will stop, look back at us, then jump into hyper-speed crawl and charge forward, laughing and giggling. I am so scared that the table will come down on her.

Now for the obvious—we’re to the point that we will likely move the tables to the basement, to remove the temptation…but she’s still not understanding NO, no matter what it is. (She always wants to play with the carbon monoxide detector in the hallway…why don’t they ever install outlets up high?) Just this morning, I told her no, and she just smiled really big at me. grrrrr

I don’t want to spank her, especially at this age, I don’t want to just yell and scream, and I don’t know what else to try other than 1) removing the temptation, 2) being firm, 3) hope she will someday understand that NO isn’t a funny joke??

Have any of you ever dealt with this? Please tell me it’s something she will outgrow…soon….

By MomsRule

September 5, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

New Mom, stay firm and consistent. I never had to resort to spanking. Personally I don’t subscribe to this particular method of discipline.

Firm and consistent (and toss in a heavy dose of mommy patience for good measure!)

I experienced your issue with both of my boys. But, much worse with my oldest. His biggest temptation were some little figurines on a shelf. I swear we struggled with these for what seemed like months!

I did not remove the temptation but instead stayed steadfast in my determination that he would not win.

Re the tables, different story, as she could get hurt so I would probably remove them for the time being. Better to learn the lesson with something a little safer :-)

I spoke with our pediatrician at the time regarding my sons disregard for “no” and insistance on having his way. The pediatrician indicated this was perfectly normal behavior and for what its worth she also said that the “more intelligent” the child the more they tended to push!

At the time “high intelligence” didn’t appear to be a blessing! :-)

But the phase ran its course and he soon learned that NO means NO.

I also never resorted to yelling and screaming. I used a consistent firm disapproving tone. It must sound different than your normal loving mommy tone! LOL

Good luck!

By lovin life

September 5, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Some outgrow it some don’t. The key is to make No mean no. You need to squat down to her level, lower your voice to a “I mean business sound” (Think having to quietly let your hubby know you are angry) And look her directly in her face. Say “NO TOUCH SALLY” then remove her hand from the object. She will probably reach back instantly. Repet the above. She will get it.
I would not remove the tables because that is not real life. Your parents might have table cloths, friend houses. Teach her at home no. You have to stay really consistant. The only time I ever “tapped” E’s hand was when something was dangerous (i.e. at a friend’s house with a candle etc.) You can do it. Eye contact repetition and a low stern voice is the key! Good luck let me know how it works.

By Alecia

September 5, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

My daughter is in kindergarten this year and the teacher does not want volunteers. There is no shortage of parents that want to volunteer. However, the only volunteer opportunity in the classroom is room mom.

By new mom

September 5, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

thanks both momsrule and lovin life. I appreciate your input!
I don’t know if I was hoping for some magic pill or something (ha ha).

I’m definitely going the firm, consistent route. I am using a stern voice (not yelling—but my best ‘teacher’ voice) and I know she hears me, since she will stop and look at me. But then to have her smile, laugh, etc. really tests my patience! I then take her hands as she reaches for whatever it is, and kinda pull her away while still holding her hands, hopefully to show her she isn’t to grab.

Part of it is that she loves fabric (she’s a girl!) I learned I can’t even hang a shirt on a door hanger, she will do the same thing to it—she loves to rub her face in clothes. Now that I’m typing that, it sure sounds weird….She’s like that with her clothes too. I have to hurry and put away her clean clothes before she reaches for them, they are more fun for her than her toys!

But we don’t plan to spank at all, so no worries there!

And if anyone has that magic pill, I’m all ears…I would like for her to learn NO someday. :)

Aren’t there sentences that you say to your kids that you never dreamed you’d have to say? Like…”no, sweetie don’t lick the back of that rug…” or “don’t chew on the furniture…”

By Kathy

September 5, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

newmom…..my now 3 year old was the same way. She thought NO was the funniest joke! It was frustrating, but we just kept saying no (firmly, but gently) and redirecting her to something else. We also had to rearrange some furniture and move things to higher shelves. It was tiring, but she eventually grew out of that and into something else. Just wait for the temper tantrums at 2 and what we see now, the big fat attitude at 3!! I long for the “just saying NO over and over” days!

By JJ

September 5, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

NewMom I’m not a proponet for spanking either, but a little smack on the leg, right below the butt, gets their attention. Or, like one of the other posters said, a little smack on her hand.

You need to get her attention.

That, and like the others said, consistency. Over, and over, and over, and over…….you will feel like a broken record.

But, there also needs to be a “consequence” to her behavior.

My dad used to ALWAYS say, you are responsible for your actions, and your actions have consequences.

It’s never too early to learn that lesson.

You are so very lucky to be able to stay home with your baby.

By Beautiful

September 5, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

this is funny! i just came from my son’s school. the director gave me a three month project to do. kid’s bring their Savemart receipts from home and i collect/tally them. the points determine what prizes the school will receive. i’m excited and glad i’m more apart of my baby’s life.

By JJ

September 5, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Theresa I have a great idea.

Why don’t you start a “Free for all Friday” and let us discuss what-ever on Fridays…. you don’t have to post a topic, let us take care of that.

Or, a question and answer day……let one of us pose a question, and see what the responses are.

What do you guys think?

By Cheryl

September 5, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

These blogs crack me up…..more kids than can be handled. To be a “room mom” or not. Whoa….surely your heads will explode.

By Becky

September 5, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

JJ, that’s a great suggestion…