MOMania

By DB

August 26, 2008 8:03 AM | Link to this

Wow! A lot of questions for this topic!

My son is a sophomore this year. Last year, when I took him to school (6 hours away), we had little time to get him moved in before his freshman event started — basically, it was a dump-and-run. Packing here was painfully slow — he was taking his time, rushing towards college with all the enthusiasm of an execution. :-) (He was a little concerned, because he was the only one from his school going to this university, and he didn’t know anyone.) Toward the end of the move-in time, we were both moving a little reluctantly, and finally, in the parking garage, I said, “OK, I think this is where we say goodbye.” We both started crying, and I exclaimed, “Oh, PLEASE don’t, I won’t be able to drive home!” So we both laughed, he went off to his freshman event, and I started the drive home. (Did I mention that I missed a traffic-light cycle because I was crying so hard? No one honked, they all just smiled …)

That was last year. This year, we had more time to move in. He was packed and ready to go, we moved in, and suddenly, after a flurry of text messages that had him smiling, about 5:30, he was saying, “Oh, gee, Mom, you better get on the road, I don’t want you driving too late … just before a beautiful blonde showed up at his door, wondering if he was ready for dinner … I laughed and left. What a difference a year makes!

Being six hours away, he’s safe from unannounced visits from Mom & Dad. Other than pick-up and delivery, we’ve only been up twice, once for Parent’s Day, and another to take him back from Easter break. He had obviously made an effort to pick up on those visits, and I was greeted enthusiastically by most of his hall mates (thanks to copious amounts of cookies that he shares ;-)

Finances: He’s on his own. He works over the summer for spending money. He earned a great academic scholarship, so we happily pay for food, books, housing and frat dues. And no, I don’t keep track — it’s his responsibility to budget himself. Last year, he had used up his meal plan with four days to go, so I sent him a little money to feed him through exams.

Classes: He discusses various classes with me before he registers, more like “thinking out loud”, but he makes the decision on what he takes. He called last week to discuss dropping a class that was going to require 15-18 hours a week outside work — I told him that it sounded reasonable (it wasn’t in his major), but he should do what he thought best. No, I don’t pick his classes — what I would be interested in and what he would be interested in are two VERY different things!

We stay in touch pretty well — I might go a week without getting a phone call from him, but we exchange short emails, and occasionally chat at 1 AM on AIM. I have learned NEVER to call him on weekends before 1 PM. I seldom call — but I do send cookies regularly! We also text message some — his first semester, I’d send him a joke every few days. I think the secret is staying in touch, the “I’m thinking of you” variety, without demanding a great deal of response. I don’t call and “check up” on him — that’s insulting to both him and me. We howled when he was telling us about one of the kids in his dorm who parent insisted that he be IN HIS ROOM by 11 pm each night. Kid would get a call from mom at 10:55 pm each night — and then they’d leave for midnight soccer. :-)

What he does with his sex life is his business — hopefully, he’s absorbed the values we spent a lifetime pounding into him, but at the very least he knows how to keep himself and his partner safe (I made his father talk to him!)

By lakerat

August 26, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

One son just graduated from UGA and left Sunday to attend Med. School in the French West Indies (Dominica). We took him as freshman to UGA and unloaded stuff at the dorm, then waived goodby! He moved into an apartment for the next 3 years and was on his own, staying in Athens and working there each summer - when we went over for football and b-ball games we would see his apartment and all the beer can stacks, etc (lived with 3 other guys) -needless to say he figured out the party aspect yet still made really good grades. He is now on his own financially (had to go through the loan process for ALL med school costs - and that was a shock when he got the promissory notes that stated in bold letters THIS LOAN MUST BE REPAID!

2nd son is now a Jr. at Clemson (couldn’t get in UGA - though it was best for him since he had always shadowed his brother) - dropped him off as a freshman, too, living in a dorm - saw him on football and b-ball weekends, and he, too, figured out the party aspect. Grades remain very good. We helped him move into an apartment for this past year, and he stayed at Clemson to work this summer. We also helped him move into another apartment a couple of weeks ago (both apartments shared with 3 other guys).

We will see him again on football weekends this fall, but other than that, we know what goes on and, like most others, continue to hope that the core values learned at home and church before college kick in to keep him and those with whom he deals safe and forward thinking!

And, never call a college student before noon, anytime - they do prefer text messaging anow anyway!

Financially, both are/were on a budget and neither ever asked for additional monies!

By Homeschool Mom

August 26, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

I am looking forward to reading this today as we will be facing this next year and having homeschooled I am just a bit apprehensive about letting him out of my site! But I remember how excited (and nervous) I was about going away to college. I am also excited for him at the adventure that awaits him! But I think that most of all I’ll just miss his company.

By Piggy Mama

August 26, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

Once our oldest daughter got married, and our youngest went away to college, we each get our own bathroom! But seriously, our youngest daughter LOVES school and is talking about staying and taking classes this summer! So instead of waiting on her to come visit us, we will have to go visit her!

By motherjanegoose

August 26, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this

Since I have been picked on…I get a long post pass…

O.K…well this is the place where I get to confirm that I do NOT eat lunch with my child at UGA. In fact, I was not even present when he moved into the dorm,,,3 years ago.

My husband tells me that the room would not have been big enough for all of us, as his roomate’s Mom was organizing and delegating things.

Our son earned the Hope scholarship and while he had plenty of offers to attend out of state colleges on a full ride…he decided he wanted to go to Georgia…something about the football games…anyone have a clue?

He was furious that he had to transfer and keep his job at Walgreen’s but that was the way it was. Most of his peers did not work ( more on this later) . He is now Sr. Pharmacy Tech and his position earns him more than most college jobs in Athens with perhaps the exception of some wait staff with tips. He also gets 3 weeks paid vacation each year.

Many parents send their children to college with say $1000.00 for spending for the semester. That is gone in 30 days and they are begging for more. We did not do this but told our son it would be happening to others and he would have a steady pay check, yes, it was a glorious day when her said, “You were right…” . Many parents also do not want their children to work as it will be too hard and they may lose their scholarship… We have found that this will happen to many of them anyway. If they are working they may stay out of trouble and will have to budget their time. We pay for rent, cell phone and car insurance ( liability only now as his car is paid for). The values you instill in your child before school are what counts. I really have no idea what our 21 year old is doing other than passing his classes and paying his bills… ( working). He has grown up so much and I enjoy seeing him when I can. I am proud of him! I leave him messages often to just say…”have a good day…I love you…!”

I told our son the week before he left…what you do while you are at UGA is something we cannot monitor. If you wind up with a pregnant girlfriend you will have to be responsible and then your whole life will change in an instant. He looked at me shocked but I know he got the point. I have to trust him.

DITTO on phone calls, for the do not call too early on weekends. Ours took a class this summer…worked all day, studied all night…took the exam and noon and drove home. He managed to stay up until dinner and then crashed…good thing he is young!

My sister is out of state with 2 in college and she goes on line and to see the classes her kids take as she wants to be sure they are doing it right. They also make the 10 hour drive ( one way) to see the boys several times per semester.
We have discussed this ( me almost arguing) and she feels she is doing right by her boys. Is she? I am not be doing this. Our son may graduate 1 semester behind but he is also working 24 hours per week at a good job…he has his whole life ahead of him and that is the point ….it is his life!
I managed myself during college and I made it.

FYI…if your children do work during college, this tends to look better on a job application.

I think we have had this chat before but working for others is the best way to find out about our world. Both of mine have worked since they were 15 and they have told me stories.

Here is one my son told me while we were on vacation:

“A little boy was making a mess right outside of the Pharmacy and knocking things all over the floor. I stepped out and said…excuse me but please pick up those packages and put them away as someone might push their basket over them or trip on them. The Mom shows up on the spot and says that SHE will most certainly handle her child…” then he asks me what to do…I tell him to say, ” Oh, thank you so much…it is a pleasure meeting parents who are responsible and know how to instruct their children in public…it makes my job so much easier!” He LOOKS at me puzzled and then we both laugh…”right MOM…!

Thanks for staying with me!

By NDad

August 26, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

First time Poster, and a father of a college junior.

Definitely a thrilling time in our lives and the life of our daughter. From the excitement of visiting schools, to deciding on “the one”, to the arrival of the acceptance letter, to the nervous excitement of driving to school for orientation.

As DB said, it is definitely hard to drop your child off the first time. In our case, it was a 650 mile drive. But this is the time you have to let go, and rely on the lessons you’ve tried to instill in your child for the past 18 years, and hope they were paying attention!

The dropping off gets easier each year, that is, until they study abroad. Daughter boarded a plane for Australia last month to study for a semester. Being several hours away is one thing, being on the other side of the world is quite another!

Finances – Daughter has worked and saved up a decent amount going into school, so she is pretty much on her own for daily living expenses. She has a part-time job during the school year. We are requiring her to make a reasonable financial contribution toward her tuition.

As for her behavior socially, we feel at her age she is responsible for her actions, and have told her so. We trust we have raised her with a sense of values that will influence her choices.

She is good about keeping in touch, and we have no fixed schedule for talking . If we don’t hear from her for awhile, we check in. We were in college once, so we are aware of the other things competing for her attention and time. And with her being in Australia, Skype is invaluable.

Like others, I could write a book about this experience, and will gladly address any specific questions.

By Bosch

August 26, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

I dropped my oldest off at college last week, and it was tough, but we made it.

The way most colleges are these days, and the privacy issues involved, the college deals directly with the student - the parent comes second. The student has to sign permission for the school officials to talk to parents.

As far as the opposite sex? My son has been dating the same girl for three years now, and they are about 45 minutes apart. He spent the weekend with her last weekend - and I’m cool with that.

At this point, and the fact that they are adults, if you haven’t taught them what they need to know, it’s WAY too late.

You will only drive a wedge between you and your child if you try and set up rules when they no longer live with you on a regular basis.

We started last year with the “weaning” process of giving more freedoms. We pretty much let our son do what he wanted as long as his behavior was okay, and his grades were good. His girlfriend stayed over a few times, he drank a few beers at home, and he started paying for more things.

When you have very small children, it is very hard to imagine all this, but start very early teaching your kids to be responsible.

College is not the time to flex your parent muscle and hold them under the iron thumb - the roles change, and you become more of a counselor.

By Jesse's Girl

August 26, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

I’m having a hard enough time with the oldest in middle school now….she’s great. Me…not-so-much. I think I will just sit back and learn from this one….

By stay@homestudent

August 26, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

I just want to know where all these guys are! they sound too good to be true!

By Bosch

August 26, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

NDad,

That’s a good point. It is VERY important for your kids to work during summers and breaks so they can save $$$.

They feel better about themselves when they have their own money, and they get work experience to boot (and they aren’t asking you for $20 every few hours).

My niece is a year ahead of my son and she is all into sorority crap, and not into school. She’s never worked a day in her life, my sister just hands over the cash.

It is a night and day difference between my son and her. He is so much more mature and is able to deal with problems much easier.

By DB

August 26, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

motherjanegoose, I had to chuckle when you described your sister driving ten hours to visit her kids in college. During Parent’s Day last year, at a parent-only event, one mother was bemoaning the fact that she had “had” to come up to school every single weekend since school started (8 weeks, at that point), because her “daughter” was having such a hard time adjusting. I looked her straight in the eye and said, “No, it’s not your daughter that’s having the hard time — it’s her mother.” She sorta rolled her eyes in agreement, and then asked me how many times I had come up, and was astonished that this was the first time I had seen my son since he left. (And tried to make me feel like an uncaring mother!) She then went on to complain about how unfair it was for the university to make introductory chemistry “so hard” for the freshmen: “Don’t they want them to succeed?” She didn’t like my answer on that, either: “No, they don’t. It’s the separate-the-men-from-the-boys class for the 60% of the freshman class that just thinks it’s pre-med. Better they find out now than half-way through their junior year.” I could tell she thought I was a hard-azz, but oh, well. :-)

By motherjanegoose

August 26, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

I had to share this… a colleague of mine has a niece at college who may be just a bit pampered. Last January the Dad took her back to college ( out of state) . He moved everything in and went to the Bursar’s office. He asked if everything was paid up and settled. Yes, the college fees were taken care of but there is just one other thing….What is it? A $3000.00 parking fee ( you are reading that correctly!) It appears she never bothered to get a parking pass ( too busy all the first semester) and they ARE serious about fees at most schools. I think our son had $100 before he figured it out. Imagine it…her Dad took her car home…how mean can you get….hahahaha!

By DB

August 26, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Bosch, I agree, it’s important that they have their own money, money that they aren’t required to account for to anyone other than their checkbook. It helps with the independence factor. We were amused at the parents who, during senior/parent night in high school, were so excited about on-line banking, because it would allow them to track their child’s spending and to “counsel” them if they were spending inappropriately. One experienced mom rolled her eyes and said, “The best counseling is having to eat ramen noodles for two weeks because you’ve blown your meal money.” ROFL!

Re: The privacy issue. Yes, schools guard their privacy, and face it, their grades, scheduling, etc. are their problem. When my son turned 18, we had him sign a Power of Attorney in our favor, to expire when he turns 21, in order to be able to take care of any legal or medical issues that might arise if he was unable to do so. I do NOT want to be arguing with a judge in case of emergency!

By DB

August 26, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

$3,000 IN PARKING FINES??? Oh, dear God! I think I would have been tempted to say, “Well, if you can’t pay it now, I guess you’re going to have to sit out this semester and earn the money to pay for it!” (Don’t know if I would have had to guts to pull it off, though …)

By Becky

August 26, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

Bosch,sounds like your kids lucked out in the parent department.. My Mom knew of things that I did in high school that I shouldn’t of done, but she let me learn..By the time that I was of legal age to drink, I didn’t want to, so for me it served it’s purpose..

By Numbers Guy

August 26, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

I have a decade before I have to deal with a lot of this, but I’ll say this much - start addressing the financial part NOW. Georgia offers a pretty good 529 plan. If you don’t have the cash to fully fund it at one go, no problem. Invest the same small amount every pay period, and dollar cost average your way in. Take the tax break at the end of the year as well, up to (I think) $2,000 per child on your state return. Georgia allows you to open it up without a broker, direct from the state, so you don’t get eaten up in fees. The earnings are tax free, assuming all withdrawals are used for qualified education expenses. If your child doesn’t go to college, another family member can use the funds.

We should have about 100k in there by the time he gets to college, largely because we started the year he was born. Even if you have a toddler and it seems a lifetime away, start saving for it now.

By jim d

August 26, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

I’m happy mine chose a military school recently ranked in the top 5 colleges in the south

I will admit saying good bye was a bit tough.

(and thats all I got to say about that) :-)

By Bosch

August 26, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

DB,

Ramen noodles. What would we do without them?

Good story.

Becky,

I don’t think my two youngest kids think that, my oldest does now, but to the other two - we are still “weird.”

I think as kids get older, knowing that their parents trust them - is so much more important than freaking out over getting drunk or having sex, or failing a class.

And when they know you trust them, they’ll talk to you when they need you.

By new mom

August 26, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Thanks for all of the college wisdom, everyone! I know that our baby will be there before we know it (she turns 1 next month!)

I’m glad you mentioned the financial side, numbers guy, because it is important to start early. We started our daugther’s investment acct when she was a month old, and also set up a monthly auto-deposit. We also let family know that if they would like to give her cash instead of a toy/clothes for her birthday or Christmas, we will put it aside for college. We should have enough to cover tuition and room & board, but still plan to require her to earn her own spending money.

By motherjanegoose

August 26, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

jim d…that is great for you and you must be proud! I respect those who chose that route. It is tough!

Our son scored a 98 on the Armed Services Vocational Battery and they called here ALL the time wanting him in any branch!. He would not hear of it. My husband was in the Navy and he did not want to push it.
Grandpa served in Viet Nam.

While we are on it…it is NOT easy to get into UGA these days. Some folks think it is a shoe in but it is not. I am not sure our daughter will get in, even though she wants to be a Vet and that would be so convenient. We are exploring other options.

FYI…. we, as parents, did not go to UGA and knew nothing about the loyalty to the school until we moved into our neighborhood 11 years ago. I now have a bulldog on my front porch …it was my Mother’s Day present last year…totally unrequested and unexpected….hahahah!

By schonor

August 26, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

My daughter is a freshman at Valdosta State. She is an only child. When I dropped her off it wasn’t hard. I felt good knowing that she left home to better herself. Some teens make the mistake of leaving home to get away from home so that they can do whatever without having to answer to their parents.

Visiting: As for visiting I will not be able to visit her as much as I would like to because it is a long ride for me. She tells me that I am welcome anytime to visit her. she also encourages me to come and hang out with her and see the town. We talk alot on the phone and sometimes I make the mistake of calling before noon and when I hear the sleepy voice I just say call me later and she does. she sometimes call me at 12 or 1:00 in the morning. she says that she is up and didn’t realize what time it was. when she hears my sleepy voice she tells me to just call her later.

Classes: We talked about her classes before she registered for them. she wanted me to know her plan. when she has a problem she doesn’t hesitate to call me and discuss it. she has been there for about two weeks and she is telling me how the girls are partying. I told her that is why the professors tell you to look to the left and then to the right because some of these same people that you started out with won’t be here long. Some with be returning home because of grades and some because of mishaps.

Finances: Her finances are good. she is an Hope Scholar and has won other scholarships to help pay her way. she doesn’t waste money, she always save for something special. she is really good with money. She will not be working her freshman year, she is trying to familarize herself with the campus and hopefully next year as a sophomore she will be able to gain employment on campus.

I think being away and having to handle all your business on your own is a great way to learn. I encouraged her to go away to college. I thought it would be a good experience for her. Everyone thought I was crazy because they were saying that you won’t know what she is doing and it’s so far away. It’s a chance parents take, I refuse to make her stay home and go to school because of my insecurities. So far she likes living in the dorm, she has made quite a few friends and she says all her professors are very friendly and helpful. If for some reason she has to come back home I feel as though she will come home being a more matured adult.

I have given her the foundation that she needed and now she is out enjoying the college life. I will continue to pray that she stays on the right track. Life experience is the best experience.

By lakerat

August 26, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

MJGoose -

You are sooooo correct about the difficulty getting into UGA.

I have a lawyer friend who graduated from UGA and UGA law school; his wife is a UGA grad; and both his parents and his wife’s parents are UGA grads - his daughter went to a prestigious private school in N GA, and when it came time for her to go to UGA, she did not get accepted, and she scored over 1200 on the SAT and was quite involved outside the school! Talk about being disgruntled alumni!

So, no matter, what people think about UGA academics, they are good and tough, and it is more difficult to get into UGA than Tech these days, especially if you are female!

By singlemom

August 26, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Ijust dropped my son at college 5 hours away two weeks ago for his freshman yesr, he had football camp before his classes start on Wednesday. Dropping him off was hard, we had to wait in line for an hour before he could get his dorm key, and when we started unpacking the vehicles it hit me.. OMG he is realy doing this. I made his bed for him, one last time. we had everything in place and it was getting late, he said he would grab dinner with his roommate and I should start driving home.The tears came for me as soon as he hugged me. I cried for about an hr on the way home and then started thinking this is the best for him, he will meet new people, have new experiences, good or bad and learn from them.

He asked that I call him when I got home and we have sent text messages almost everyday. He calls me at least once a week so I can catch up on how he is doing.

As far as Finances, I set him up a bank account so that he can have some spending money. I agreed to 100 a month, he has a full meal plan and all other expenses covered in scholarships.

I am sure he will tell me about his classes once they get up and running.

At times I feel lost, not knowing what to do alone now at home with no one to cook dinner for say pick up your laundry. It will be an adjustment for both of us and am sure we will get through it.

Thanks for posting this today, I really needed to hear I am not the only mother feeling the way I am.

By nurse&mother

August 26, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

Lakerat-I am out of the college loop (it’s been a few years since I graduated). Why is it harder for a female to get into UGA? I thought it was supposed to be equal opportunity. Do they have quotas?

Right now my 11yo wants to be a vet. My husband and I attended UGA. Neither of us are true alumni as I transferred to Kennesaw State for their nursing program (UGA does not have a nursing program-just prenursing) and my husband did not finish college. We do support the athletic dept with our annual donation and purchase of football tickets. I hope that she will be able to get in. She seems very bright. She does not do a lot of extracurricular activities, though. I would love for her to be able to stay in Georgia so that she can get the Hope Scholarship. Any tips would be appreciated.

By nurse&mother

August 26, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Meant to add that UGA would be a great university for my daughter since she wants to be a vet and UGA has a great vet program. The Hope Scholarship is icing on the cake.

By MOM3

August 26, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

Our oldest just started college at West Ga on 08/15. It was a definite adjustment - I went from knowing where he was and who he was with every minute of the day to not knowing anything. Luckily, he is good about calling me. He seems to be adjusting very well - getting involved in campus activities and making new friends.

I think going away to college is great for the kids. I think they learn more lessons that they can use throughout their life in the dorm than they do in the classroom!

Regarding finances - very important for them to learn to be responsible with money at a young age. He has money in his savings account that he earned over the summer. I told him that I paid for food and housing and that’s all he ‘needs’. Any ‘fun’ he wants to have comes out of the savings account. When he runs out of money, he runs out of fun. We got him a credit card with a very low limit for emergencies. That will go a long way to help him establish credit for the rest of his life.

At first it was hard, but everyday that he doesn’t do something really stupid helps me realize that he is a good kid that is going to be fine!

By DB

August 26, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

My daughter wants to pursure a major that is not commonly offered — it’s offered at UGA and Alabama, and only about six other schools within a 6 hour radius (all private, unfortunately). She desperately wants to go to UGa, and her extracurriculars and grades are strong, but she is right on the cusp when it comes to standardized tests — her biggest bug-a-boo. On the advice of her college counselor, she did NOT report her SAT or ACT scores last spring, so that we could evaluate which ones were better. Turns out the ACT scores were significantly better, percentile-wise, so we will be reporting only ACT scores to colleges this fall. She is re-taking the ACT this fall to see if she can eek another couple of percentage points out of it. So parents with high school students: BE AWARE that you do NOT have to report your scores, especially the first time! Take both, and then evaluate which one presents your child to the best possible advantage.

By nurse&mother

August 26, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Thanks for the tip, DB.

Does anyone know anything about Duke University’s Talent Identification Program? My daughter is in that. I have heard that they can take the SAT in 7th? grade. Does anyone know anything about that? Does this look good for colleges?

By motherjanegoose

August 26, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

Good points DB.

Nurse, there are more girls applying to UGA and this is why it is harder to make the cut.

Our son had a 1410 SAT with o.k. grades but he worked his Jr. and Sr. year and also had the Presidential Award for volunteering…160 hours for 4 years of high school…it is 200 now.

UGA told us that they wanted students who were more that smart…involved in other things and getting good grades. It does make sense…

Our daughter is working and volunteering…so we will see. Her grades are better but she does not test as well as her brother.

He had this to say:

Good grades show that you can and will assimilate what the teacher is teaching and process it back

High SAT or ACT scores show that you innately have the academic ability…

for what it is worth.

By NDad

August 26, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

nurse&mother,

My daughter was in the TIP program. She took the SAT in 7th grade, and based on her score, was invited to a ceremony at Duke where whe was presented an award. She was given the chance to participate in a summer program, but we declined.

It would definitely be worth putting on a college appliaction, although later accomplishments would probably bear more weight.

By B

August 26, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

We now have a sophomore in college. There on HOPE and athletic scholarships so financially we just take care of books. We put $100 in her checking account every month last year, but raised it to $125 this year when the meal plans went up. Anything after that is her responsibility. She worked throughout the summer but we do not want her working during the semester. Being an athlete and keeping that scholarship and the HOPE is her job in our opinion.

When we said goodbye last August after moving her in I cried and so did she but we stayed in touch with text msgs and quick calls. We saw her when we went to watch her games but usually could only talk for a couple of minutes afterward; occasionally took her for dinner. Otherwise we didn’t go to see her. She did come home for Thanksgiving and Winter break but that was it. This summer she was home for a couple of weeks when working but after that job was finished she went back to school and worked there the rest of the summer. We will see her at some games again this fall but otherwise not until Thanksgiving. Her winter holiday except for a couple of days right at Christmas are going to be spent with her friends—-already has the airline tickets.

We had long discussions before college about being an adult and having responsibility for her actions. She asks for our opinion but does her own thing including classes, finances and her other activities. We know the boyfriend but again this is her life and not ours so we have pretty much learned to “stay in touch”, but not make her choices for her.

By DB

August 26, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

The TIP program is fun, but don’t put a whole lot of credence in it — most colleges don’t look at anything below 9th grade as far as extra-curriculars, unless you have a unique long-term interest.

Basically, in 7th grade, the kids take the SAT. Based on their scores, they get a nice ceremony and/or certificate, and the opportunity to participate in some interesting summer programs. None of the programs were really up my son’s alley, so we really didn’t take advantage of the program. But he enjoys taking standardized tests (!), and found it useful to know what was involved. We used to laugh and say that taking the SAT in 7th grade was good practice for the PSAT — the PSAT is where the National Merit Scholarships are awarded :-)

By concerned mom

August 26, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

My daughter took the SAT in 7th grade and attended a Duke TIP summer program the summer after 10th grade. She had a great time and made some good contacts. The experience helped her get through the applications and interviews for the Georgi Governors Honors program, which she attended after the 11th grade. She again had a great experience and made a lot of good contacts. She is currently applying for college and I hope she is including both of these programs on her applications. I do not know because I am leaving all of that up to her. I would highly recommend the TIP program and Governors Honors to anyone whose child is motivated and loves to learn.

By CP

August 26, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

DB you are correct. Colleges don’t bother with anything below 9th grade. They are seeking high school students who are academic (high grades & test scores), involved in the school AND their community. Many colleges (including UGA) regularly reject students who don’t meet all the criteria.

By lakerat

August 26, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

Nurse & Mother -

MJGoose is correct in that more females apply and are thus considered a majority at UGA, so the standards to get the “best of the best” are more difficult for women - just the opposite is true at Tech (had another friend who is a Duke grad; daughter attended a prestigious private school in College Park and had a 4.0 with over 1200 on the SAT - did not get in UGA but did get in Tech).

Additionally, with the Supreme Court ruling 3 years ago that ethic background CAN be used to qualify applicants (as long as it is not the ONLY factor) that is another hurdle all applicants face at UGA since they have (since the ruling) put a on premium on being more diverse.

Also, while the Duke TIP is an honor, it does not, as others as pointed out, mean anything when it comes to applying and being accepted at that school, as all colleges are only interested in what the student in the 9th grade and above. FWIW, my older son was also a TIP recipient; though we knew his SAT was not high enough for consideration at Duke, his ACT was right on their cutoff line. He had a 4.0 in HS and was all everything in sports and school activities - he did not get in Duke(which we could not have afforded anyway).

Finally, DB, you were smart to not send any scores yet; one caveat, and this is a mistake we made with the second son, and that is make sure your daughter’s HS transcript DOES NOT have the initial SAT or ACT score on it. I think that both the SAT and ACT send ALL scores when they send scores to schools to which you apply, but if you only want to send the scores that are best (in our case the son had much better ACT scores so that is what we had sent to the UGA - unfortunately, his HS transcript had his initial(only) SAT score on it, so they saw that, too, even though it was not an OFFICIAL score sent to them by the SAT people). So be careful!

By HB

August 26, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

daughter attended a prestigious private school in College Park and had a 4.0 with over 1200 on the SAT - did not get in UGA but did get in Tech

Diversity is not only about race and gender, and that prestigious school can be a disadvantage. Colleges don’t like to take too many students from one place, so if 8 of her classmates scored over 1300 and were accepted, that hurt her chances of getting in with 1200. A student from a rural school of about the same size, however, who is one of only two students with a 1200 will likely get in, and a couple more who scored 1150 might get in too.

By LC

August 26, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

I’m a single mom with an only child who is in his final year at Georgia Southern. When he first left, I cried quite a bit. When he returned at Christmas, cried again. After that, I would tear up when he left. He asked me about a year ago if I still cried when he left and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that after I close the front door when he leaves, I think to myself “Thank God I’ve got my house back”!

Not that I don’t love him dearly and miss him when he’s gone but I’ve gotten used to peace and quiet and he’s like a whirlwind all the time. So, for those of you who have just sent your child to school, don’t worry you’ll feel better eventually!

By DB

August 26, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

Oooh, good point, thanks, Lakerat, for that warning! I’ll check with the school and make sure they are only reporting what is necesssary! I know that both the SAT and ACT send all scoring when it is requested, and that’s fine — but I don’t think we’re going to be sending her SAT score in at all. So I’ll make sure the school doesn’t, either!

It’s interesting who gets in and who doesn’t get into the various universities. Our school’s graduating class last year had 27 kids go to Georgia this year. My son was accepted to the UGa honors program through early action two years ago by just sending in his grades and scores — no essay, no nothing. And then you hear stories about the girl from Woodward … sheesh. My daughter would kill for that chance, but it’s going to be a different story for her. We’ll be waiting until the last minute!

By new mom

August 26, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

I am laughing at myself, remembering the TIP program when I was in 7th grade. I took the SAT and got an incredibly low score (my dad said if I could throw a football I could still get into UGA with that score…he’s a Tech grad!)

Anyway, I remember actually falling asleep while taking the SAT in 7th grade. Well the part I remember was waking up, panicking, because I didn’t know if we were still in the same section or had moved to the next one! And I certainly couldn’t ask anyone! I am sure that’s the real reason I didn’t ace it…ha ha…

By catlady

August 26, 2008 5:24 PM | Link to this

When my first left for college, my youngest child and I cried for 2 weeks, at least. My younger daughter would call and beg big sister to let her come and sleep on the floor of the dorm and just eat scraps from the trash for food. (This made it pretty hard on big sis, who missed us pretty badly) When my son left, I was a little sad and scared, but relieved. When the baby left, again it was hard. One thing about it, after their senior year, they and you are usually pretty ready for them to go! But it doesn’t make you miss them any less, or make the house any less quiet.

One strange experience I will share: one day at the end of the first year I drove up to the youngest’s college to eat lunch and spend a few hours. She walked me to the car, and as she turned and walked away, the fabric of time seemed to collapse. What I, through my teary eyes, saw was her as a six year old walking toward the dorm, and all I could think was “How could I think she would be ready for this?” Then, I blinked, and she was her 18 year old self. Strange, huh?

The thing is, after they leave, even when they come back, it is never exactly the same. While that is appropriate, it is still difficult. Probably for them, too.

I had a tough time adjusting to living at college. As an only child of older parents, I was used to a quiet home and lots of mature conversation. I was especially sad at supper, thinking about how my parents were missing me so much. In reality, they were probably having sex on the sofa and running around nekkid.

One other observation: when my eldest went off to college, she spent about 3 months shopping almost daily just for that event. When my son went, I had to remind him to take some sheets and towels (he thought a pillow and his guitar was all he would need.) The youngest was more like big sis. I don’t know if it is a gender issue or not.

By catlady

August 26, 2008 5:43 PM | Link to this

And a comment on the money thing: I did not allow my kids to work during high school. I wanted school to be their work, and for them to participate in extracurricular activities. We could have used the money; I was a single parent with no financial help, and most of the time I was in grad school. However, this worked for us.

When they went to college, they had 10-15 hour a week jobs. The research says that college students with that level of work time, especially if the work is on-campus, tend to do better and finish their degrees.

All my kids went to private colleges. My youngest, her senior year, informed me that she could live on VERY LITTLE MONEY. I LOL, and pointed out to her that her tuition, housing,utilities, food and books were paid for, her car was paid for, and I paid her insurance (health and car) and cell phone SO WHAT THE HECK DID SHE NEED MONEY FOR ANYWAY??? Now that she is in grad school she has a much better understanding of how much it takes to live, and it is not “very little money.”

By DB

August 27, 2008 8:27 AM | Link to this

Updte on the SAT reporting: We got a note from the college counseling office last night that the SAT now has the ability to report only those scores that you want to be reported. You can’t pick and choose — i.e., 650 from math in April 710 from English in June, etc., but if you had a bad test date, you can elect to not have it reported.

By Dr. Debi Yohn

August 27, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

College Students still need and want parenting but it is a different kind of parenting. Now the Parent is in a mentor role. Parenting takes on a collaborative style as the student becomes independent and practices using their judgment. For more information on parenting college students go to my website www.collegeworks101.com for a FREE eBook “Parenting College Students: 27 Winning Strategies for Success.”