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DEL.ICIO.USWhat are your text message/cell phone rules?
Do you collect their cell phones at night? Make them leave them downstairs? When and where can they text message or call?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I had a wonderful friend in high school who you COULD NOT call after 9 p.m. It was such a strict rule that we still joke about it today 20 years later. In the1980s it was much easier for a parent to monitor phone use. Generally every phone in the house would ring and even if a teen had a private line a parent would still hear it. It was pretty tough to hide the giant princess phone with cords streaming out of the back.
But now itty bitty phones with vibrate settings and silent text messaging make it much harder for parents to monitor and control their child’s/teen’s phone/texting interactions.
I got a note from a friend with a 13-year-old 8th grader. Her daughter’s friends have been texting her in the middle of the night. The mom made her daughter tell her friends to stop and they have complied. (This mom has a secondary issue with this problem that we will talk about tomorrow.)
She also wrote about another friend who doesn’t allow her daughter to have a cell phone, but all the other girls bring their phones to spend-the-night parties. Can she collect them at the door and hold onto them while they’re visiting — house rules?
What are your cell phone and text messaging rules? How late can they call and text? Do they get to keep their phones in their rooms at night? I assume they take their phones to school for use in theory after school — are there problems with kids texting during school? I think that would be very hard for teachers to monitor as well.
And how does a parent know if bad things are being texted? How do you know if bad language, sexual stuff or bullying is being sent to or by your child? How do you monitor texting content?
Permalink | Comments (96) | Post your comment | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today
Comments
By Smart Ace
August 19, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this
As long as the kid doesn’t text or talk on the phone at the dinner table and as long as the bills are not out of control who cares how the kid uses the phone….seriously.
Why give the kid a phone at all if your going to be a cellphone Nazi about it?
By nurse&mother
August 19, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this
Our family plan does not include text messages which was our choice. My husband and I can’t figure out why someone needs to text anyway. If you want to talk, just pick up the phone and talk! If someone is in a meeting, show a little patience and wait until it’s over. What did people ever do before cell phones.
A little off topic, did anyone see the recent research where there is a link between brain cancer and cell phone use? I know that there has been speculation, but this was recent in the past two weeks.
By Dave
August 19, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this
Smart Ace, it’s called responsibility and accountability. If you grant your child a priviledge, they should know that there are limitations. If you let them do “whatever they damn well please”, they start to think those are the rules everywhere with everything. “Nazi” is used today describing people that actually set limitations and MEAN WHAT THEY SAY. Kids think rules don’t apply to them and it’s OK if they “can get away with it”. Sure, it’s only a cell phone, but it’s a start. If they can’t handle the little things what are they going to do when you actually give them a big thing. It all rolls down hill and I applaud parents that actually show kids that with any kind of priviledge comes responsibility. That’s an idea that has gone the way of the dinasaurs these days.
By nurse&mother
August 19, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this
My daughter just uses her cell phone for emergencies.
Oops needed a question mark after one of my sentences in my previous post. (I don’t want the punctuation police to get me-LOL).
By jct
August 19, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this
I sorta with Smart Ace. When there is a cell phone in the mix it is awfully hard to control texting/talking unless you take the phone prior to going to bed.
The only rule in the house is no calls to home phone after 9 p.m. I go to bed early and I don’t want to be distrubed.
By Numbers Guy
August 19, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this
He can have a cell when he can pay for one, or because I want to able to reach him. If the former, a lot of these issues go away, because the rules are necessarily looser for 16+ young adults. If the latter, it goes into the basket at the kitchen door when he’s home, just like mine. He’d already be where I could reach him.
As for friends on sleepovers, etc., it’s not like that’s a normal night anyway. Routines aren’t being observed in any case, so why put restrictions on someone else’s kid’s cell use? It’s not like it’s an immediate hazard for one night.
By K
August 19, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this
I’m 24 years old, no kids, but I think I’m in that spot where I can see where a kid would come from as well as someone responsible for kids. I think it seriously depends on how old your child is, as to how much you control their cell phone usage.
One great way to solve the cell phone usage issue, in my opinion, is what my parents did when I was 16- pre-pay phones. I got an allotted amount of text messages and talk time for the period of time (2 weeks, usually, or the month), and if I used it all up, that was that. You learn to manage your own time and money and put more value on using your cell phone when it’s limited but within your control that way.
I think worrying over the content of the messages or use during school hours is sort of an arbitrary thing… could still pass notes before cell phones, and you can’t filter everything they hear from their friends.
By JJ
August 19, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this
Cell phones get turned OFF anytime we are eating.
My daughter stays up late, and I see that she has been texting past midnight. But, as long as she gets up in the mornings and takes care of her responsibilities, I don’t have a problem with it.
By Lynn
August 19, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this
Ughh, sensitive topic this morning. About 6 mths ago my 16 yr old pleaded with me to add the text feature to her phone. After a lot of talk and promises by her, I gave in. Things went fairly smooth until yesterday when I went online to pay the bill and it was over 50 bucks the norm. Turns out when her friends are sending her pictures, it was charging per picture and ran the bill up enough to make me scream. I called her and gave her a heads up just before I put a block on everything. No more texting at our house.
By Smart Ace
August 19, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this
What’s not teaching responsibility about saying to your kid, “hey don’t text or talk on the phone at the dinner table” and, “hey kid if the cell bill gets outa hand you’re either going to pay for it yourself, or lose the phone.”
That is enough responsibility for my kids. Maybe yours need to be more controlled but mine sure as hell don’t……Nazi boy.
By JJ
August 19, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
Metro PCS, flat rate, unlimited calls and texting. We just switched from Verizon to Metro PCS, as my Verizon bills were out of control. I never knew what they would be, and I’m tired of paying through the nose.
By Dave
August 19, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this
Trust me, Smart Ace, your kids have you well trained. Make sure you give them everything they ask, roll your eyes when they back talk you and GOD FORBID you say a cross word to them. Do your kids also make you sit and lay down?
By Whatever
August 19, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
Smart Ace - can I just call you Ace? Is your name one of those opposite names - like calling a blond guy Red or a fat guy Slim?
By MA
August 19, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
We gave our college son unlimited texting. He never goes over. We did not give our high school daughter texting, but, in the case of an emergency, she can text us. At $.20 a text she knows she cannot do it. She is very good about not texting.
She says she hates that they can have cell phones at school. They are suppose to be off during the day, but kids abuse the privilege. She says there is a new ring that is very high pitched so that only young kids and teens are able to hear it. The teachers don’t even know the kids are calling each other between classrooms. It drives her crazy!! There was a 21 year old teacher at her high school last year who said she could just barely hear the high pitch. She told the kids as long as they didn’t abuse the texting and use of cell phones in her class they could have them on. She took many phones away by the end of the year. She takes them to the office and the kids can get them back at the end of the day. I think the parents should have to go to the school and get the phone back and then take the phone away from the kid for a few days. It still won’t teach them a lesson but it may help with the bill.
I am lucky I have two great kids who know the value of money and don’t abuse their privilege. We have the family plan with shared minutes and never go over so that helps.
By JJ
August 19, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
MA My daughter’s school takes their cells away, and the parents have to go get them.
My daughter was without her phone for 3 days. I figured it was NOT my responsibility to hurry and get HER phone. She got it taken away, not me.
By Whatever
August 19, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
MA - there is no such tone that is only audible to teenaged ears. I know hearing gets worse with age, but 21?! Your teen is feeding you a load of bull. Her explanation defies science and physics.
By PHR
August 19, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
A friend of mine had a great idea for his teen daughter’s cell phone. She had to put it on his dresser in his room at night. That way he would know if someone was calling her at inappropriate times. If someone called past 9pm or so he would answer the phone. I thought this was a great idea.
My niece just got a cell phone when she started 6th grade. When my son heard (1st grader) he asked when he was getting one. HA!
By Julie
August 19, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
Well said, Dave!
By DB
August 19, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
During the summer, I’m much more lax, but during the school year, her cell phone is turned off at 10 pm and is charged in my bedroom overnight. She’s a senior, and hasn’t quite figured out that not every call has to be returned within 30 seconds. :-)
One of her getting-ready-for-school routines is turning the cell on in the morning, checking for messages, responding to a few, and then turning the phone off and putting it in her purse, so she won’t forget once she gets to school and gets distracted by friends, etc. The phone stays in her locker during the school day — anyone who has a cell phone in class risks having it confiscated for the remainder of the semester, so not too many people risk it. And she knows that I will not lift one finger to help her if that happens!
I’m not too worried about what kind of text messages she gets — I figure if they weren’t texting, they’d be writing notes or saying the same thing on the phone. And, she knows that I review the cell phone bill on-line about once a week for phone calls and text messages. That’s how she lost her phone for a month, when she was 16, because I caught her texting during the time she was supposed to be driving. BIG NO-NO in this house! If there are numbers that I don’t recognize, I ask her about them.
If a parent is truly concerned about a child’s cell phone usage, they should look into a cell-phone monitoring system such as RADAR (www.mymobilewatchdog.com). Otherwise, set your rules and don’t be afraid to enforce them.
And, BTW, that inaudible ringtone IS true — we heard about it last spring and my son downloaded it so we could play with it — it was pretty eerie, because I COULD hear it, but my husband couldn’t. The cat HATED it — would run out of the room every time. You can find info on it at http://tinyurl.com/2skb69
As far as confiscating phones from friends — no, I don’t do that. But I DO confiscate phones before our Girl Scout meetings — the meetings go much faster that way!
By Lynn
August 19, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this
JJ - Verizon is the one slamming me every month too. Metro is not an option where I live. Once you go out of the city limits here, there is NO coverage at all. With Milledgeville & Macon being my primary territory (for business), Verizon is the only option we have.
By Smart Ace
August 19, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
Dave you are an idiot my kids are extremely well behaved and respectful and I did not have to cutail there priveleges or dominate every aspect of their life in order to raise them.
Like I said if you like to rule your children with an iron fist that is your perogative. Just don’t be surprised if they go on a shooting rampage later in life because their childhood was so strict…..Nazi.
By parentof4
August 19, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
Obivously I am not under 20. But if you listen the ring tone, in the background you hear people laughing. Very faint but they are there. Yes there is a high pitch, but not a high pitch like others have described. Still depending on the phone, mine vibrates right before it rings…so I know I am ignoring a call when it vibrates.
As for the rules…well none of mine have one. They are with me or a responsible adult that has one, so they do not need one. Besides I need to be able to hear what they are saying on the phone. Yes I believe in evesdropping. My parents did it to me and I inturn will return the favor to my kids. I do trust my kids, as far as I can throw them. Since I cannot throw them, you know the rest. They are young, impressionable and stupid. All kids do something stupid. I just want to make sure their stupidity does not take their life.
By Kate
August 19, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this
Whatever— it’s called the Bumblebee ringtone. We tested it with my parents and it works. I’m 24 and I can hear it fine. My husband is 29 and he doesn’t hear it as well as I can but can tell if it’s on. My parents, who are in their 50s, can’t hear it at all.
By Numbers Guy
August 19, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
Ah, name-calling. Last refuge of the truly intellect-challenged.
By JJ
August 19, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
I can hear the ring tone, and I’m close to 50. My daughter played it for me, and I heard it plain as day. The cats and dogs all hid, but I heard it.
By motherjanegoose
August 19, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this
My 16 and 21 year olds both have phones. The college student has unlimited texting and this is because we sometimes need to contact him with info and do not know when he is in class or at work. This way, we can send things his way without a long message or interrupt.
Our 16 year old does text some times but if it gets out of hand…more than $10…she pays for it.
I do not text but I pay the bill.
Smart Ace….when children are in school and living with you, they are generally NOT smart enough to screen late phone calls unless you have set the bar. Some kids will talk on the phone all night.
I have a personal 9:00 rule…do NOT call me before or after 9:00 a.m. or p.m. unless you are a close relative or it is very important. This is a running joke around here and my husband is usually the gatekeeper. Sometimes clients from the west coast get special privileges.
My daughter’s cell phone rang last night at 9;30. She was talking to me in our bedroom. She did not answer but listened to the message: “Hi __ I am working on my homework and do not have a book that I think you have…could I come over and get yours?” My daughter tells me, ” who thinks I am going to handle this now…it is 9:30….” Me laughing.
It’s all about modeling behavior …your children are watching you.
For some that do not know this…some Gwinnett High schoolers catch the bus at 6:30 a.m. and thus do not need to be up until midnight on their cell phones.
Sleep Hygiene is a huge problem ( see the pediatrician’s post last week) and we are simply not getting enough sleep!
Many professionals advocate that children who do not have televisions in their bedrooms are better students. I never had to draw this line but it is something to think about.
I spoke at the Brain Conference in Minnesota and I had the chance to hear a great speaker from Canada on Authoritarian Parents, Authoritative Parents and Permissive Parents…good stuff and things I already knew but always need a reminder. Theresa…maybe a future column?
Smart Ace…as a child, I was ruled with an iron fist ( not by choice then nor do I think it is the correct way now) and I have never had the urge to shoot anyone.
As a teacher, I see the importance of compromise but children do need guidance and it is a wonderful day when they come home from college and tell you that you were right….YIPPEE!
By Numbers Guy
August 19, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this
I Like men. Don’t tell anyone but I also think that I am the smartest person on the planet only I still live in my parents basement and have no idea what the warmth of a woman feels like.
I’m so alone….no one loves me…Boo Hoo….Tear…
By Whatever
August 19, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this
I am a huge duchetool please do not listen to anything I post here. By the way my alias is Dave and I also go by Number Guy sometimes…..haters.
By motherjanegoose
August 19, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
Theresa…did you read my comment about the Malls yesterday in your UGA post. I was thinking that perhaps you may be inclined to go the mall with the kiddies and your mom but the Malls here in Gwinnett County are getting scary. Even outsiders tell me this…see my late post yesterday. Anyway we can claim the malls back to those who have money to spend? I am not interested in being nervous as I shop and will go elsewhere. All Tips would be appreciated.
By Numbers Guy
August 19, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this
Very cute, Ace. No guts to post under your own name and so have to hijack mine?
Thanks for proving out my initial impression of you.
By Most of you people are LAME!!!!
August 19, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
A lot of you people are seriously in need of a Darwin Award. That is all.
By Smart Ace
August 19, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this
@Numbers Guy
It’s not me there sport, nice try, but it must be some Troll.
By nurse&mother
August 19, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this
smart ace must be a smart azz. I was ruled with an iron fist growing up and I never rebelled, much less felt an urge to go on a shooting rampage. I think you should get your facts straight before you open your smart azz.
By nurse&mother
August 19, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this
Hey numbers guy- did your family recuperate from the stomach bug? I hope all is well.
By Smart Ace
August 19, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
Leave it to you people to overreact to what anyone else has to say on this damn thing. I said “IF” your kid goes on a shooting rampage, not “WHEN.”
Just because you were raised strictly does not guarantee that you will become a social outcast….it is highly likely to lead to that behavior but by no means guaranteed.
Pay attention people…..it’s simple symantics.
By JJ
August 19, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this
Lame Will you be handing out that Darwin Award on Friday?
By Most of you people are LAME!!!!
August 19, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this
@JJ
Only if one of these idiots dies between now and Friday. And takes their next of kin with them. Otherwise a Darwin Award they do not win.
There are rules to these things you know.
By nurse&mother
August 19, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
I personally believe that there should be a happy medium when it comes to parenting. Not that I am parent of the year. I think some things should be iron clad and other things are definitely negotiable. If anyone is interested, there is an excellent book called “Raising Self Relient Children in a Self Indulgent World” (couldn’t make keyboard underline title). It is a great book for parents as well as educators.
Oh BTW Smart azz, there was an implied causal relationship in your 11:32 post. I don’t need your lesson on symantics.
By Stacey
August 19, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
My son is too young for a cellphone so that hasn’t really come up in our house yet. I opted to have texting ability but because I rarely use it, I just have the pay per message feature (15 cents). My only complaint is I am charged anytime I receive a message whether I read it or not. I wish there were an option to accept or reject a message before I am charged. My brother and one of my friends sends me “chain letter texts” (the junk that you get in e-mails that say you will be blessed with wealth and good fortune if you send it to everyone in your address book in 5 minutes). My husband got so sick of receiving those messages that he had a text block put on his phone.
By Theresa
August 19, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this
Hey MotherJane Goose — i didn’t see your mall post — I will go back and look — I will also heck on the authoritarian parenting concept — do you have a web site or any other info??? As usual full of good info
I’m glad everyone told whatever the ring tone does exists — i googled it and NYT did a story in 2006 — I had not heard of it either — but then I don’t have a teenager —
Well tune in tomorrow for an off shoot of this topic -still on teens - - it’s morally ambigious —should be exciting —
By momof1
August 19, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this
I definitely remember the days of my mother’s “no phone calls after 9” rule. I’m a bit more lenient, no calls after 9:30 on a school night, Holidays and weekends its 12. That includes the house phone and my daughter’s cell phone. However, if it’s homework related and I can see she’s working on homework, she can get a pass. Yes, I know she’s probably pushed it a bit, being on the phone and it’s not truly 100% homework. But that’s okay, I let her think she’s getting away with something from time to time. My daughter is 14, and kids need rules. I’m no Nazi, but I’m no careless, lazy parent afraid to be unpopular with my kid either. I actually spend time talking to my kid, and listening to her. When kids get so caught up in their friends, and you don’t have a clue what’s going on, you have a problem. Listen up parents, YOU HAVE TO STAY INVOLVED. There are no shortcuts in parenting.
Oh, and when or if, because I haven’t in the last 8 months or so had to do this, my daughter breaks the rules and is on her phone after curfew, the phone comes to live in my pocket for a couple of days. And I leave the ringer on, so she can hear when calls are coming in and she can’t answer them. Believe me, taking the cell phone as a punishment for any bad behaviour is an EXCELLENT displinary tool.
By Numbers Guy
August 19, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this
Nurse - Thank you for asking, we’re all physically well again.
The spousal unit has now been out of town for 7 days with two more to go - sick friend out of state. That’s beginning to get my 7 YO a little fed-up, but that’s really all we’re dealing with right now, thank God.
By new mom
August 19, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this
I do hope tomorrow’s topic is better….between today’s (didn’t we just talk about cell phones a couple of weeks ago??) and yesterday’s (I was silent—following that rule of ‘if you can’t say something nice…’)
I am starting to lose interest in this blog, and finding myself not caring about checking it as often. I know that not every topic will relate to me as a mom, of course, but honestly, the whining is just getting old.
By JSP
August 19, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this
My children have a shared cell phone. It is usually turned off and in the bottom of a desk drawer so we have no issues. Yet.
My oldest (12) never uses it. My youngest (9) uses it to call Mom (usually when I’m out shopping/errands).
They have it for the very rare occassions where they are not with us or with one of our trusted friends. IE camp.
My oldest isn’t into the phone yet and thinks “they are dumb and there is no reason for all his friends to have one.” He’s always had a mind of his own. — Yeah!
I know his desire for a cell will change in time.
I will allow my children the ability to text if and when they have an interest/need.
Once they become full fledged cell phone users there will be rules. Just like there are rules associated with their TVs, game systems, etc.
I personally LOVE texting and maintain communications with my girlfriends, husbands friends, etc. via this method. Its an easy and quick way to communicate.
And, unlike phone calls, txting does not prevent me from completing my chores, working, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I still talk on the phone, but its easy to send a quick text to a girlfriend saying, “hey, picked Billy up from practice, I’ve got him!” (Billy being her child)
And, having children has forced me to be a smart txt user! I do not txt while driving. (But, freely admit, pre-kid, I certainly would have been tempted to text while driving.)
Both boys enjoy reading texts that come in and responding to them for me while I’m driving. Because, “we don’t text while driving.”
So, they know what it is and they know how to do it. But, they don’t have a need or desire at this time. But, they are already learning the “rules” around texting as they see Mom demonstrating them daily.
By JJ
August 19, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this
OK, Theresa, the votes are in. You need to find a FUN topic for us….we have all given you suggestions..
I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s topic.
By Becky
August 19, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this
My rules are like most here, no calls after 10:00 during the week..On weekends, I really don’t set a time..The 10:00 rule is ok for the 16 year old, but the 14 year(& friends) think that I’m older than dirt for this..They have unlimted texting & as someone else said, I don’t monitor that, because they are going to say it one way or another..They’ll learn fast enough when they go off to college, that they can’t talk on the phone all night & function during the day..
By Theresa
August 19, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this
hey new mom — I feel like I rarely hit teenagers — so today’s was a teen topic — you and I aren’t there yet — tomorrow’s topic is also teen related (but there are definitely some comparisons on what a parent of a young child would do and what an older child would do).
It is true not every topic will interest every one.
On the whining - I had the vacation topic three and a half weeks ago when Michael was out of town the entire week before our trip so I was stressed out —- I did actually read everyone’s responses on our trip and found them to be very helpful —- someone said I wasn’t using the pool to my full advantage as far as cutting down on bathing adn they were totally right!!! So a lot of the comments on vacation strategies really did help —
Last week I wrote about education in our country — not whining at all —
The uga stuff is a sticky wickett for me — I haven’t read all the posts from yesterday yet but hopefully I, and other mothers, can glean some helfpul advide from those too ——-
I am always more than happy to take topic ideas. Today’s came from a mom — mohterjane goose just left one that I pasted into my file— please feel free to give me topics you do want to talk about!
By Becky
August 19, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this
This may not be something that everyone’s interested in, but what about cooking with your children?
By Theresa
August 19, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this
JJ — where was your suggestion — i missed it
By JJ
August 19, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this
Good idea Becky!!!
By new mom
August 19, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this
Thanks Teresa. I wasn’t meaning to come down so hard, I am knee-deep in teething land and drool here, and usually this blog helps me refocus from all the diapers, poo, and spit-up!
I think the other reason this was bothering me today was that, in general, I try to be appreciative of everything we have, and not focus on the negatives. My husband works hard so I can stay at home too, and yes, he has an occasional evening or weekend commitment (just last night he had a dinner meeting).
I spent this morning going through our pantry, getting together a donation for our local co-op. Our church received an urgent request from the co-op—their requests for food are unprecedented, and so many families with children don’t have enough to feed their kids.
I have been thinking about how many folks our there are not as fortunate, going hungry, struggling to pay their bills, and it’s made me sad…and determined that we will do what we can to help. And show our baby how to care about others, not focus on ourselves. So, I suppose that’s what led to some of my frustration.
Might that make a good topic? How are you and your family doing in this economy, and what lessons are you learning? Are you trying to help others, and if so, are you including your children?
By JJ
August 19, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this
Newmom there’s a blog today on the AJC “meals to help friends in need”. Go check it out.
By motherjanegoose
August 19, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this
Theresa, I did not read the post ( last week) but please DO not use the pool for bathing.
Too many chemicals and sunscreen floating around and left on skin. IMHO every child needs a plain old fashioned bath with soap, shampoo and water each day.
Chlorine may disinfect but is not good when left on wet swimsuits in the crotch…germs are lurking in hot tubs that we do not even want to know about. Many will not put their heads under the water ( me included) in hot tubs…this is due to ear infections…YUCK!
Kids think they are mini swimming pools. Also, we all know that some kids WILL tinkle in the pool and I would not want that on the skin of my children. MAny children spit in the pool…wow that sounds refreshing. Saliva bathing.
Thankfully,my children are are both daily bathers and at the risk of being redundant, this was modeled to them by myself and their Dad all their lives ( grammar patrol…that may not be the correct way to say it).
FYI…while in Minnesota, I was encouraged to write my own blog or column…haha…I just share my ideas with you guys and let Theresa handle all the whining…LOL.
I will check in on the parenting styles….
By motherjanegoose
August 19, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this
Becky…cooking is excellent. My daughter is 16 and I started to show her just a FEW things several summers ago. She is now into the Food Network and loves to cook all the time. Her confidence allows her to try new things. She cooked our entire Thanksgiving dinner except for the Turkey ( me and her Dad) and the desserts ( my sister). It was awesome. UGA brother was wondering if he should bother coming home but we were all impressed and proud! No, you y’all cannot borrow her…LOL.
By Dallas lady
August 19, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this
My rebellious 15 year old daughter’s cell phone was taken when we found out she was texting and calling boys at 2-4am. Just found out she purchased another phone with her saved money and has been text text texing away in the middle of the night…..Texting is a WHOLE lot easier to use under the radar than talking on the phone, especially when you arent suppose to be on the phone in the first place!!
By Judy
August 19, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this
Pretty simple - no cell phones for the kids equals no texting. :)
When my high schooler starts driving, it might be a different story but for now, if someone needs one - he/she can borrow mine.
By Lauren
August 19, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this
My oldest will turn ten in a few months and she is begging for a cell phone. I have had one for years and swore when I got it that I would use it only when absolutely necessary and I have stuck to that. I still don’t use more than 30 minutes a month and neither does my husband. I hate it when people talk on their phones out in public. So rude to stand on the cell while in line at the post office for example. No one wants to listen to your private conversations. And what folks on phones alway seem to not realize is that they always talk louder than if they were talking to someone standing next to them. So everyone can hear them! Very annoying. I know great things have happened because of cell phones (big help in accidents/emergencies, of course) but they are such an invasion of privacy and so annoying I really miss the days before they came about. I don’t think I will let my daughter have one right now. It is actually a big responsibility. It is expensive to own and operate, especially if you go over your minutes which so many young people do. She is not at an age where she goes out without adult supervision so I just don’t think she needs one right now. I think when I do get her one that the rule will be that it is only used when she is out and about. At home she should use a land line and that, too, should be limited. And if she goes over her minutes then the phone goes away for one week. And I don’t think I will let her have one until she is about 13.
By jg
August 19, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this
Our kids got their cell phones taken away…..so their friends call the house…We will not let them take calls after 9pm (that is how we were raised)
However their friends call at all hours….recently this boy called at about 12:15am to speak to my daughter….I was half asleep and said “who is this?” he tells me his name and I said it was too late for calls and I hung up……
HOWEVER - at 500am when I woke up I called back his cell phone and REALLY LOUD>>>>>said “HI ROBERT THIS IS __’S MOM AND I AM SO SORRY IF I WAS RUDE TO YOU ON THE PHONE BECAUSE I WAS ASLEEP BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK AND IF YOU WANT I CAN GO WAKE HER UP NOW….OH I AM SORRY DID I WAKE YOU SO I GUESS YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS AND YOU WILL NEVER CALL MY HOUSE AGAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT RIGHT?”
By JJ
August 19, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this
My daughter cooks one night a week. she sits down with me when I plan our weekly menu. She lists all the things she will need, she does all the cooking AND cleaning one night. I tell ya, it’s nice to get a night off, and come home to someone else cooking dinner.
She has been cooking since she was 9.
By JSP
August 19, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this
JG — I love it!! I’ll have to remember that tip. As well as a few others that have been posted today.
By Lissa
August 19, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this
Sigh… Kids today are so spoiled and their parents are so blind to their precious little angels. Most of you just give in to whatever they want. Knowing that these are the type of children my children would have to be around makes me glad I don’t have or want any.
By Dallas lady
August 19, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this
Judy I couldnt agree with you more!!!
By JJ
August 19, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this
If you don’t want your kids staying up late texting, take the phones away before YOU (the adult) go to bed. Put them where the kids won’t find them.
Best hiding places, their rooms. They never think to look in their own rooms.
Remember, YOU ARE THE PARENT!!!!!
By Theresa
August 19, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this
hey motherjane — we were just rinsing off for lunch (and they showered outside after the pool) — in savannah i was doing full fledged baths before lunch and then dinner/bed time - this way we just had to bathe before bed and could feed them lunch wtihout getting sand everywhere in the house —
By Becky
August 19, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this
Lisaa, thank goodness you aren’t going to have children. If just discussing how to deal with certain “issues” that parents have with thier children ticks you off, you certainly (sp) don’t need to be a mother..I’ll save my cooking with children until we have a blog about it…Hope everyone has a great evening..
By Mother for a reason
August 19, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this
Mother and Nurse I’m sure you have no idea what your child is doing with his/her cell phone. My daughters cell phone was confiscated b/c she was texting very late in the night and a boy sent her a half nude picture w/o a face. I did give her another chance but after she repeated the offense I decided she was not responsible enough to have a cell phone.
By Most of you people are LAME!!!!
August 19, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this
@JJ
Here are the rules to win a Darwin Award: Click Here
By Mom
August 19, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this
Yes…collect them at the door at sleepovers, or at least at lights-out. If my child had a cell phone (slim chance!), I would take the at bedtime, and she would get it back when she got up (week-ends) or after school (week days). If it continued to be a problem, it would be disconnected.
By Maggie
August 19, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this
Kids don’t need phones until they can pay for on their own. I think it’s ridiculous that 12, 13, 14 olds are walking around with cellphones. We survived just fine without them and there’s nothing you can say on a cellphone that you can’t say in person or on a home phone.
By Theresa
August 19, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this
Hey JJ — I used to cook all the time for my mom — she would call from work and tell me what she wanted - usually things like spaghetti and meatballs and when I was little — like fourth or fifth grade— I would have the meatballs ready when she came in to cook adn then older I would cook — I love to cook today. That is a great way to get a night off.
By My son text 14,482 in 1 month
August 19, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this
Since school is back in, my sons leave their cell phones in my room at night… This summer one of my sons recvd and sent 14, 482 text messages, I did not know this was possible. I do have an unlimited plan and he stated he wanted to use to his full potential not image that.
By Grandmother
August 19, 2008 5:11 PM | Link to this
I can’t imagine a young child needing a cell phone. What business are they conducting that is so important that they be able to talk to someone 24/7? When you get a job, and can afford to pay for the phone and the bill, then you can have one. Just don’t expect ME to pay for either! My family wanted to put me on Metro’s family plan (4 phones, unlimited text, calls, long distance for $100.00 a month) and I wouldn’t have it. The only people that truly need cell phones (it used to be beepers) are doctors and drug dealers. Everyone I know can wait until I get home and check my answering machine. If I am going to be away from home for whatever reason, I let my family know where I am going and how they can contact me ONLY IF IT’S AN EMERGENCY. I like it that way.
By nurse&mother
August 19, 2008 5:11 PM | Link to this
Mother for a Reason- my daughter keeps her cell phone at home most of the time. She hardly ever has to charge it up. I think it was just the thought of it (many of her friends have one). Oh and BTW, we don’t have a texting option. Apparantly you didn’t read my previous posts.
I’m sure I won’t always know what she is doing with it when she is about 15 or 16. Hopefully I can instill enough values that she won’t go off the path too far. I suppose that is all I can do as a parent (try to instill our values and pray to God that she will think sensibly until she matures enough).
I am trying to learn to not be so judgemental. I have seen too many good parents that have children that don’t always make good decisions. How is your parenting going?
By motherjanegoose
August 19, 2008 5:14 PM | Link to this
O.K. Theresa…you get a pass, as long as they are bathing once per day…hahaha!
By 2kidzmom
August 19, 2008 5:23 PM | Link to this
I agree with Lynn. The same thing just happened to me w/i the last week!!! But my bill was over $224.00 in extra charges when my soon to be 16 son’s friends were sending him pics as well and now I have to pick up the pieces. I have taken the phone because I’m upset about the usage but have also texted those that were texting him to stop sending them signed his mom. He has a kid connect phone which allows only so much usage but broke his phone & I thought I was being a great mom to allow him the privilege of using my phone. But see what happens when you try and be nice. Keep in mind that I do monitor the usage quite often and have a bone to pick w/my cellular provider as well because they do not update their system as often as needed close to your bill cycle ending. I have already told him that there will be no cell usage during the week, carry phone during school time in case of emergency. Sorry so long but this is a great topic to discuss. I will be reading what everyone else wrote because I need help. Don’t want to be a Nazi parent regarding this topic.
By Soulfinger
August 19, 2008 5:31 PM | Link to this
There are way too many cell phone plans that have unlimited text….
By MomsRule
August 19, 2008 5:32 PM | Link to this
14,482 impressive!
Some of you are so judgmental!
Thank you for the giggles.
Many people are very resistant to change and technology advancements.
In my experience, the resistance and judmental attitudes are based out of fear. Just because you personnally don’t have a need or desire, doesn’t make it wrong for others to engage.
And, nowadays, many people no longer even have home phones (land lines) due to the economical costs associated with cell phones. So, for some people, their cell is their only phone.
My husband and I live on our cell phones. They are incredibly convenient and allow us to multi-task and be very productive. I love texting. Hubby does not.
The children share a cell that gets used very infrequently. So, we don’t have any rules around it at the present time. They really have no interest in being on the phone.
But, I will have no problem providing them both cell phones when it becomes appropriate for our family. Rules will be applied as well and as circumanstances dictate.
By MomsRule
August 19, 2008 5:44 PM | Link to this
Grandmother, your age and resistance to technology are showing sweetie. “Only drug dealers and doctors need cell phones.”
Good one!!
You have either never held a job or haven’t held one for a very long time.
I think 95% of the adults I know have cell phones. Many of which are being paid for and provided by their employers.
And, its OK, that you don’t want one. Really it is, but don’t be so judgmental as to assume to know enough about the technology, or everyone else’s life to make such a ridiculous statement about doctors and drug dealers.
By lawrencevillemom
August 19, 2008 6:08 PM | Link to this
My girls are 14 & 17 and both have cell phones due to after school activities and jobs. Our rules: 1. no phones (cell or otherwise) during any mealtime. 2. phones are off and in your pocket/purse as soon as you walk into a restaurant or store. 3. phones are charged in the kitchen (downstairs) and are not to be used after 10 pm (verified by review of the online bills) 4. no phones, tv or computer until all homework is completed on school nights. 5. Phones are turned off and in the bookbags during school - if caught they are taken by the administrators and a parent has to pick them up - resulting in a 1 month loss of phone privileges. 6. they have unlimited talk/text so no worries about overages
By deidre_NC
August 19, 2008 8:17 PM | Link to this
my only rule for my daughets cell is that it is always on and charged and she better answer it or call back ASAP!!! thats why she has it so I can get in touch with her…
By luvs2teach
August 19, 2008 8:52 PM | Link to this
We switched to a family plan about a year and a half ago, when my son got his license and began driving. My daughter was away at school. We dumped the landline completely because the only people calling us on it were telemarketers. I don’t regret it for one minute! Because we all work different shifts and can’t pick up the phone, we primarily text each other - we also have about 31,000 rollover minutes. The only talking I really do is long distance to my family out of state.
My biggest rule is no talking or texting in the car.
As a science teacher I can indeed confirm the existence of mosquito ring tones - they are tones set at frequencies above 15,000 Hz. Most adults lose that frequency as a natural consequence of getting older (and listening to loud music, lol). That’s how it works, but it doesn’t work for everyone - there are kids who have lost that upper range as well as adults who haven’t. They sound like the old hearing tests they used to give us in school. When we learned about soundwaves this year, I pulled up a site and listened to them with my classes - they thought it was cool, but most found the ringtones so annoying to them that they said they probably wouldn’t use them - vibrate was good enough.
And yes, the kids use them in school, mainly to text - it has replaced writing notes. It’s a problem and we combat it best we can - but it’s hard when the texts are from the kids’ parents! Yup, it happens more than you might think.
By fk
August 19, 2008 9:42 PM | Link to this
Ironically, I just opened up my cell phone bill this evening and got hit with a rather large dollar figure regarding my son’s text messages. He just started paying a flat fee for a limited number of texts b/c his mother won’t pay for even a single text message. He did not think he would exceed the alotted amount. He was wrong. Oh, he did not realize that the incoming texts count towards the total.
No one is too attached to their phones in our house, so we don’t limit use, never have. It was my husband who was a bit irriating with his blackberry when he first got it, but the novelty wore off. We referred to him as the dorkberry. No one answers any phones during dinner, drives and chats, or brings a phone into a restaurant.
By Jessica
August 20, 2008 1:50 AM | Link to this
A method of constraining use is to either go over the bill and pull the phone when they don’t obey the rules.
Also, some cell services have a service where you can block calls and texts during certain times, block certain numbers. During those times, the only numbers allowed are 911, and select numbers you choose yourself.
The school in my county requires the parent to pick the phone up on first offense, holds the phone with sim for a week for the second offence after which a parent can pick the phone up. The third offense is to hold the phone with sim card for 30 days, or a weeks worth of ISS which affects the ability of the student to get a drivers license.
By Judy
August 20, 2008 7:26 AM | Link to this
I took my daugher and some friends to paint pottery in the summer - she is 15. As I said, she doesn’t have a cell, but I was shocked to see a group of daycare kids, maybe 6 - 7 yos comparing cells. Some where IPHONES!!!! I was shocked. And if all the concerns about long-term tumors being caused by these phones, we will have a substantial number of kids fighting this problem.
By Katie
August 20, 2008 7:45 AM | Link to this
Kids don’t need cell phones. To say they do is lazy parenting. All of us parents did fine as kids without them, there is no difference today.
By JJ
August 20, 2008 7:59 AM | Link to this
I’m willing to bet that anyone who says kids don’t need cell phones, don’t have kids.
By Becky
August 20, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this
If a child doesn’t need a cell phone, then why do adults need computers.People have different needs & some children do have a need for a cell phone..My nieces are at home for about 2-3 hours each day without a land line & I want to be able to reach them if needed..Yes, they pay for their own phones, make good grades, do household chores & are involved in after school activities..So please don’t tell me what they do or don’t need..When you have a child, you raise it to be a miserable person like you are..
By Lissa
August 20, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this
If kids need cell phones, how on earth did you ever grow up without one? That’s like saying kids NEED a car. No - they don’t. All kids NEED are a loving family, a good home, and an education. A computer (or a library) is required for education. Cell phones are not.
By Katie
August 20, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
Yup, you parents are the reason kids are the way they are today.
By momof1
August 20, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
Cooking with your kids. This is a great activity I’ve been doing with my daughter since she was yay big. When she was 3, you know the messier job the better at that age, I taught her how to crack eggs for the cakes and brownies I’d bake. Sure, sometimes egg got everywhere and shells did too. However, she learned how to crack eggs, sift flour, stir etc. at a very young age.
My daugher is now 14, and can cook breakfast with ease, baked chicken, turkey legs in the crock pot, chicken cordon bleu, and is not afraid to try any new recipe.
I think it’s sad and pathetic for kids 15, 16, 17 or older to not know how to fix anything but noodles. That is a spoiled, overindulged child. Hamburgers and french fries, spaghetti,tossed salad, and chicken, are the simplest meals that all kids 14+ should know how to prepare.
Lastly, but most important, this teaches them, that cooking takes time and energy,but is also an act of love. Mom sure deserves to have a meal made for her once in a while.
By *Dee*
August 20, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this
I agree with the poster that said the child can have a phone when they can pay for it. I don’t think it is a necessity to have one. If something happens at school go to the principal’s office and call. If something happens at a friend’s house pick up the phone and call. And as far as hanging out at the mall, my kids won’t do that until they are at LEAST 16 so then they may work parttime to pay for their own phone and it won’t be a problem.
By Becky
August 20, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this