MOMania

By jct

August 12, 2008 8:07 AM | Link to this

Certain items don’t necessarily have an age like bra’s and perms.

You should wear a bra when it is necessary. I am old school so there would be no VS bras but mactching bra/panties in the teen style is okay for high school. Otherwise you get the basic colors (white, beige until HS.)

Depending on the length and texture of the hair would depend on whether on not she can get a perm. Hair styles should still be age appropriate. No highlights until 11th or 12th grade.

Makeup - I liked my mothers rules. Could use stuff like lip smackers (as long as no red, burgundy) in 6th grade through 8th grade. I was able to graduate to lip gloss with light colors in 8th grade.

Lipstick in 9th grade (still no red or burgundy) and eye liner. 10th grade I was allowed to use any type of makeup wanted as long as there was no red or burgundy.

I grew up in a time when only fast girls used red lipstick. I did not wear red lipstick until I went off to college. All my friends had the same rules.

By monica

August 12, 2008 8:10 AM | Link to this

The make-up that some of the middle schoolers wear drives me crazy. My daughters and their friends wear a ton of jet black eyeliner and mascara and it runs down their faces making them look like drunken panda bears. unfortunately most of the girls are wearing it and they look ridiculous! make-up should accentuate not take away from your looks! There is not much I can do about it but monitor what they wear at home because once they go to school they put it on! If you take it away they just borrow friend eyeliner which is super gross and unsanitary! good luck if you have a middle school girl and say no to make-up!

By Smart Ace

August 12, 2008 8:14 AM | Link to this

Why is red such an offending color?

By Judy

August 12, 2008 8:15 AM | Link to this

I am probably a prude but I don’t think makeup is appropriate before late middle school. I did let my daughter get a few really soft highlights in middle school. We had moved and she was insecure about heading out to a new school. The highlights really boosted her self confidence.

She wears some makeup but if it were left up to her, she would probably skip it most of the time since her bus comes before 6 a.m. Sleep seems to be more important. :)

My only suggestion is just like everything else, once she starts wear lip gloss, she will immediately be on you to start wearing shadow. Set appropriate limits and stick to them. Notice her peers, what are they wearing? Do you find their makeup appropriate or too much? Do you think it makes them look far older than they are?

As for the bra issue, you will know when it is time.

The principal at my son’s middle school says we need to stop treating them as mini adults. Let them be kids and enjoy their time as kids. They grow up fast enough.

By Jennifer

August 12, 2008 8:27 AM | Link to this

My first-grader wants a bra so badly she can’t stand it. I don’t have any particular age in mind for when she needs a bra, just whenever she actually needs one. Definitely not now!

As for makeup, that’s really such a small issue to me. I remember the whole makeup debate when I was in middle school and I can honestly say that makeup or lack thereof doesn’t make a bit of difference in who you are.

I got highlights pretty early in high school but I had a job and paid for them myself.

By lakerat

August 12, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

Smart Ace -

The old school from which these texter’s mother’s graduated said that red lipstick was for “hookers’ - or, as jct says, “fast girls”.

So, jct, when you went to college, which did you become, a hooker or a fast girl?

By JJ

August 12, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

My youngest niece just entered middle school. She has been wearing full makeup since 4th grade. Her mother has allowed her to wear mascara, blush, eye shadow, and lipstick since she was 9. Her mother is very HIGH maintenance and is raising both her daughters to be high maintenance as well. I can’t stand it. This same niece has been wearing Victoria Secret bras for two years, not that she has anything to go into the bras.

But her mom parades them both around in full make up and matching bras and panties from VS.

My own daughter has been wearing make up since 8th grade. She has been coloring her hair since 10th grade.

By My3Kids

August 12, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

As a mom of 3 girls, I am slightly torn on this. My oldest is the only one who is at this stage. My youngest two are 6 and 1 so I have a few years to figure out what I will do with them.

However, my 14 is already asking for highlights or her hair dyed. I have repeatedly said no. I told her she can wait until she is 18 and I don’t care what the other girls are doing. Fancy cuts I have no problem with but she likes simple hair cuts so that makes things easier. I decided that I would to a point follow my parents lead on this. I was not allowed to until I was 20. She wants to try makeup and I have purchased some for her, but she doesn’t move fast enough in the mornings to actually use it. My parents told me I could not wear makeup until I was 16 and light lipstick about 10ish, but when I started modeling at 12 things changed and I was wearing makeup at 12. She is just now starting to wear heals. She laughs at me because I was wearing heals when I was 9, LOW HEALS but I wore them. My mom used to only wear high heals and since I hit puberty at an early age (I was 7 ½ when I needed a bra and not a training bra…thank god my she did not and it appears my 6 year old won’t either) I could wear her shoes at 8 and I would all round the house and the neighborhood (oops). I am monitoring her heal height for now and as she gets older we will see what she likes. As for the bras, as soon as they are needed I say a kid should wear one. But I will only allow her the simple plain white or maybe a few colored ones, when she makes her own money she can buy what she wants. No one is seeing them so she doesn’t need anything fancy until she is 50. HEHEHE

However the only reason for cuter haircuts, makeup, and heals right now for her is she has her first boyfriend (NOOOOOOO). So I will monitor her strictly. She has been “going out” with him since sometime last spring. I just found out at orientation last week when he walked up to her. Luckily she feels comfortable to talk to me because she is asking how long should they be a couple before they kiss. OH NOOOOO!! She says no pressure from him because neither one has ever kissed anyone before but she knows the day will come. One day at a time……

My husband who is her stepdad is like NO to everything. However you just can’t do that, they are going to borrow it from their friends and sneak it at school. Or they will take it from their mom’s. I know I did it and I have caught her. I myself just need to realize she is growing up and I can not keep her from not growing up. I would love too though. I now understand why my parents complained I was growing up to fast and I have done what I could to make sure my oldest didn’t follow me on that. So far so good.

By anne

August 12, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

Perfect timing on this topic. My daughter (6th grade) and I had the make-up discussion this weekend.

Her school (K-8)allows NO makeup. Period. I will allow minimal make-up for very special occasions, but that’s all. She’s a beautiful girl already and doesn’t need glop on her face. When it’s time for her to buy make-up, we will do it together and it will be good quality.

By deidre_NC

August 12, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this

my daughter started playing with makeup when she was very young..like 6 or so..but only to wear in the house—had to be washed off when we went anywhere—so by the time she was 14 or so she could apply it very nicely…then she started the black eyeliner crap and she looked awful..but all her friends did the same. thank god she came to her senses quickly and went back to the pretty stuff. i broke down and let her get highlights…they looked great…im like the poster above..in my day ‘fast or cheap’ girls got their haior colored…wore heavy lipstick..sexy underwear etc…times have changed ladies lol…when my daughter was 13 and wanted to wear thongs i about died…i forbid it..then she said she hated pantie lines cause the boys made comments..she has had a bubble butt all her life and when she really started developing she hated the way the boys looked at her..so i broke down and let her do the thong thing…she has since gotten away from that too..she also has gotten away from hating the way boys look at her cute self..grrrr….lol

By My3Kids

August 12, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

I forgot to add with the colors…light blue eye shadow is ok, red fingernails I have no problem with. Red lipstick…is a big no to me but that color on her lips is UGLY with her complexion. We have tried that for very special occasions. I say for anyone under 16 light natural colors (however I never went there). Luckily she likes light pinks. They all need to use colors that complement their complexion; light lipsticks or lip gloss is fine. My oldest is the type that looks awesome is light colors like my sister is however I need the deeper colors. My oldest is the complete opposite of me, she has dark auburn hair where mine is a dark blonde when it is natural but she has a very pale complexion and I have a darker complexion when I am not tan. I look at colors that are somewhat younger but her complexion is a final decision. I rather see her look great than like a clown with the wrong colors on her face.

By Trophy Mom

August 12, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

I won’t let my daughter wear makeup or suggestive lingerie until she has at least 3 tattoos.

By lwa

August 12, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this

My girls can’t wear make-up until they are 16. They are 15 and 8. There is no need for make-up. I do let them wear lip gloss but nothing more. My now 15 yo tried to sneak and wear make-up at age 12. Well, she hasn’t tried it again.

Bra’s are provided when they need it.

By Smart Ace

August 12, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

And it’s “HEELS NOT HEALS!!!!!”

Heels = shoes

Heals = what a doctor does.

Just so we get that straight here people.

By FCM

August 12, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

I have always been pale, under belly of a fish pale, in winter (poolside all summer!)….so I started base and blush at 6th grade—no matter what Daddy said…Mom went along with me. Eye shadow in 8th.

I started getting my hair ‘permed’ in grade school (3rd? 4th?) because Mom is all about hair having ‘body’ (aka big helmet head). She still is and mine is stick straight, I am happy…she still complains.

My oldest (9) is female…She has been doing ‘colors’ of nail polish and weekly mani/pedis (at home) since she was 3 or 4. Started as light pearl pink…today I think it was still pink, last week it was red to match her flag swim suit.

As to hair, she will sleep in curlers (there is my Mom again!) to put bring out the natural wave in her hair. (Oh, and the day school started she decided ‘brushing’ it was a better look——ieieieie <—— sound of my head exploding). She works hard to style it (apparently that means brushing it over one eye).

Clothes have been interesting. Her tastes are fun but traditional…or traditional with flare. She has always been picky about what she wears to school (since K at least).

She does have a chunky clunky loafer, part of it is because she is so short. She is one of the oldest and shortest in her classes, she gets very self concious of it. However, mostly she’s in flats.

She would die if she knew I told this. While she is still waiting on development, she asked for a training bra during our BTS outing. I bought a couple of Camp Rock ones. She wears them mostly at home. Several of her friends need them and this is another area she is getting self concious in. I say that if they need them (and unfortunately some of these kids do in 2nd grade! Mostly because they are overweight and eating poorly (ie those hormones and stuff) OR if it is an easy fix to an issue (like my daughters confidence) that the child is asking for, AND it doesn’t harm them…let them have one. Mostly parents if your daughters look like they are starting to develop, I don’t care how old your darling is, or how much you want them to stay ‘little’ as long as possible, get them a bra!

She did make noise about other make up. However I told her the truth: Makeup does bad things to the skin and makes it look bad early if you start wearing it to early. Additionally, if you try to ‘look older’ boys start to think differently of you, yes, but not necessarily how you want them to think of you. She decided on her own to wait until she is a “teenager” to worry about that makeup stuff (her words).

I am reminded of Professor Moody “Constant Vigiliance!”

By Ebaby

August 12, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

I agree with some of the other posters that bras is a matter of necesity. I was a VERY early bloomer and needed something in elementary school but I think my mom was stuck on the age issue and didnt get me anything until 5th grade, when I also got my period.

Make-up was never a big issue in our house because we never went over board. I think by the time we were in HS we had free-range of all make-up products.

Hair dying was a BIG deal in my house and I had to do it behind my parents back and hope for the best. By then (I was in 11th and 12th grades) I had proven myself as a good kid and my parents didnt really care much. Maybe they understood that I needed some room to spread my wings and this was my way.

I hope I remember this when it’s my daughter’s turn to spread her wings :)

By First Time Mom

August 12, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

Bras are worn when needed…I don’t think anyone needs to dye their hair until they are going grey. But if I have a daughter she can do with her money what she wants.
When I was going into 7th grade and starting a new school my mother took me to the Clinique counter and had someone there teach me to apply make up and how to take care of my skin properly. Mom then bought it all…it was just foundation, blush, mascara and then some eyeliner for special occasions. I still only wear the main three but will sometimes wear eye make-up.

Taste dictates what looks proper. It is up to the parnets to have taste for their kids until they are out of the home or using their own money…

By A. Nony Mouse

August 12, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

I was wearing make-up between 7th and 8th Grade. Not anything really loud though. I have never worn red lipstick it reminds me of grandma.

My 13 year old is not at the age of wanting to wear it yet She has played around with it with her friends and she does not like the feel of the heavy stuff on her face.

She has been in bras for several years. My Mom waited too long for my first one and it was a living hell for me. My Dad finally made her buy me one. When to buy the first bra is a no-brainer. Just get it when they need it. As far as where it comes from, I think I would do VS if it were on sale. Teenagers grow so fast that it is crazy to buy pricey ones.

By ManOfTeal

August 12, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

I find this topic very interesting. My daughter is only 4 now but it is good to hear what you guys have to say about things like makeup since I’m sure she is going to want to start wearing some soon.

By the way Smart Ace is hilarious. I also miss LAME. We need him to come back.

By DirtyOldMan

August 12, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

They sell Thongs at Limited Too for girls 7-12. I find that interesting.

By My3Kids

August 12, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

Smart Ace -

SORRY!

I didn’t realize I spelled HEALS wrong when I looked over what I wrote. The mind didn’t process the mistake. It is still trying to process no sleep for 3 nights from a screaming, teething, stubborn, opinionated baby who has decided that she rather sleep during the day instead of night and lack of coffee. Thankfully it is only a stage with her and most of it is because she misses her sister while they are in school.

By Jill

August 12, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

Drunken Panda Bears! Too funny and so true! A girlfriend of mine takes her 10 year old (yes 10) to get her light brown hair colored and highlighted to blonde and her eyebrows waxed (because she says she’ll have a uni-brow if she doesn’t do this). Ridiculous in my opinion and way too young.

By Jesse's Girl

August 12, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Our oldest starts 6th grade next week….I’m not thrilled. But she has known from day 1 what is allowed and expectd of her. She is permitted to wear the lightest tint of lipgloss and thats it. She’s a fair skinned blonde…so I have taught her the pinch-your-cheeks trick for added color. I refuse to have a daughter that looks like a trollop. There are no midrif tops…even in the summer. And certainly no eye make-up until at least 8th grade…regardless of what her friends are doing. I will take her to my friend’s make-up studio and let her teach her how to do it all properly when the time is right. But my daughters simply will not be allowed to wear the heavy emo make-up that I see all too often. There are ways of expressing individuality without looking like some melting crack-head. As far as bras are concerned….I go with class on that one. Both of our girls need them and we have had fun shopping for cute ones. I am a firm believer in the matched set rule. Even though no one will ever see this…or they die…for some time to come. Its never too early to teach girls how to look their best…it will follow them into adulthood.

By A. Nony Mouse

August 12, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Okay I am going to make some folks mad here but, I think nail polish on a 3 year old is ridiculous! I let my daughter do mani’s and pedi’s at 10 with light colors.

By Smart Ace

August 12, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

@My3Kids

No worries, I’m just one of those people who gets annoyed when they read spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes……it’s my curse I suppose but I equate it to watching a bunch of retards trying to open a door.

By pj

August 12, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

I will sound pretty liberal compared to most of these posters, but not compared to my daughter’s friends. My daughter is 13. She, like me, is well developed for her age so she good bras - no fashion statements, but good support. Fortunately this need only became apparent a year and a half ago. She started wearing small heels at about the same time. she always (from toddler) wore colored nail polish and colorless lip gloss. I started letting her wear mascara for special occasions at 10. Last year (at 12) she wanted to wear full make up because all of friends did, but NO GO! This year she wears a little foundation, mascara, lip gloss, and occasionally liner. It looks good, but I’m still not ready for her to look so grown…. She’s a good looking kid, so I keep her close at all times. She likes boys but has said nothing about “dating”. Although it has been a long-standing joke at our house that she can’t date until she’s 35, so I’ll be interested to see how it goes when she says she’s ready. Definitely not until she’s at least 16, even though she has one friend who is dating already!

By My3Kids

August 12, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

I was not one to allow my children to paint their nails when they were three. However, if they were with me at the salon, I would at times allow them to have their nails painted at a young age. Only if they were behaved and we used it as girl bonding time.

My oldest even at a young age always picked a shade of pink. My middle one not so…she has a thing for green nails. Luckily she has moved passed the green nails for now, she is into blues. LOL! My six year old is a major tomboy. She told me recently she wanted them painted to match her camo for when she goes into the woods with her daddy. She really wants them pained camo.

It will be interesting to see what my baby will be like when she is older.

By Jesse's Girl

August 12, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

So you have issues with spelling rules and pay no mind to calling them out. But you have absolutely no qualms about referring to retards opening doors. Well…at least you’re honest!

By My3Kids

August 12, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Smart Ace-

I am the same at times. I usually do my best to find and correct my mistakes. If you find anymore…just blame the broken caffeine IV. I used to write a blog a few years back and certain errors would throw me into hysterics.

By nurse&mother

August 12, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

My daughter started sixth grade this year. She asked me about makeup. I told her that she could wear a light color lip gloss. She asked me about eye shadow. I helped her pick out a very neutral color. At first she said, “mom, this doesn’t have much color!” I said, “yeah that’s the point.” It seems that many of her friends are doing the same thing.

By Jesse's Girl

August 12, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

Dating at 13 is outrageous! My girls know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are not allowed to get in the car with anyone…boy or girl…until they can drive that car. Ya know, should the need arise. Parents who allow their children to date at such an early age shouldn’t be shocked when they end up grandparents.

By jct

August 12, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

red lipstick was my downfall into a fast life…LOL

I came to my senses and stopped wearing it when I was 22…Did not wear any again until I well over 30…. :)

By Bunch O'Reetard

August 12, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

I’m stuck outside and can’t get in. Will someone open the door for me?

By Martha

August 12, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Judy, if I am understanding you correctly, you FORCE your daughter to wear makeup?

“She wears some makeup but if it were left up to her, she would probably skip it most of the time”

Please clarify?

By Stacey

August 12, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

For the second time in a week, I am celebrating having a boy! :-)

My mother would not allow us to wear nail polish (clear or pale pink only) until 12, ears pierced at 14, and makeup at 16. When I was in 6th grade and several of my classmate were wearing full faces (and looking like Ronald McDonald, I might add), I thought my mother was mean and terribly old fashioned. She finally gave in on the makeup when I was 15 because a part of my Home Economics class was to learn to properly apply makeup. I bought all of this makeup and once I put it on, I thought I looked like a clown and never wore it again.

My neices all were allowed to start wearing full faces in 8th grade and they wore it throughout high school but now that they are adults only one (of 7) wear it daily. Two others were it on special occasions but they rest of us (including my sisters and me) never wear any makeup, not even lipstick and nail polish. My husband’s neice is 14 and she has been getting pedicures and artificial nails since she was 12 but she chooses not to wear makeup except for lip liner and clear/pale lip gloss. She has a beautiful complexion and is afraid that any other makeup may cause her skin to break out. Her mother got her ears pierced and started polishing her fingernails when she was just a few months old.

As far as bras are concerned, I think they kind of dictate themselves. I left 5th grade without so much as a bud but by the time I started 6th grade, I was a B cup! I have naturally curly hair but I started getting it cut when I was 12 and had to started taking care of it myself.

By GirlAfraid

August 12, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

I don’t think there is a question about bras but more around functional, white cotton bras vs. lacy, red, push-ups that you would find at VS. Yes, girls need to wear bras but anyone under 18 does not NEED to wear lingerie. If they are then they are trying to either impress their friends or impress the boys. May daughter won’t be doing either.

By Band Mom Gone Wild

August 12, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

I’m very blessed because my daughter will be 16 on Sunday and does her makeup beautifully and always has since middle school. She wears her eye shadow, eye liner and mascara in such a way that her eyes look absolutely gorgeous! She resisted wearing a bra for the longest time because she would much rather be naked but she finally relented in about fifth grade and we went from those cute little camis to a full fledged bra. I bought her a pair of thong underwear as a joke a couple of years ago and she loved them so that’s what she wears but so do I. She has her belly-button pierced (her 15th b’day present) and has several ear piercings… no biggie - if she decides in the future to take them out, they’ll heal. Now get ready ladies… about a month ago we even got a tattoo together. (GASP!! <— I heard that!) She’s wanted one for years (like since she was four when I got my first) but I always said “No” and that she had to be 18 because I didn’t want her to come back and blame me when she regretted it. I began to cave only after she had several very insightful and mature discussions with me and other people about it; this showed me that she had given it a lot of thought. She truly believes (as do I) that it’s an art form where she can express herself tastefully and not look trashy as long as she puts a lot of thought into what she wants and where she has it done. We progressed from “NO” to “If you were to get one, what would it be and where?” All along she hasn’t wavered once about what she’s wanted…a pair of angel wings on the inside of her left wrist representing her grandmother and great grandmother, both of whom she misses terribly. When the opportunity presented itself to have someone I know and trust out of state do it, I said “Ok” and it became part of her Sweet 16 b’day present. The tattoo I got at the same time is an open rose with a butterfly lightly landing on it with her name integrated into the rose (which she thought was awesome). She’s already designed her next one (black treble clef and small music notes with different colored stars around it), but there are no immediate plans to have it done anytime soon. She’s a good kid who’s in marching band, hangs out with a nice group of friends and knows the difference between right and wrong. She can talk to me about anything and usually does. If that means I’m a terrible mom, well, I guess I am. Is she 100% angel? Hell no! But it sure beats putting blinders on and “not” seeing her drink, sneak around, and come with an STD like one of her former friends did.

By Sandy_G

August 12, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

My whole problem with little girls wearing makeup is that applied correctly, makeup can make a 10-year-old appear to be 14, and a 14-year-old, appear to be 18. Once a child puts the visual message out there(knowingly or unknowingly) that they are of a certain age, then you run the risk of inviting interest from people who may not have your daughter’s best interests at heart.

Yes, you can educate your kids and perhaps have a false sense of security that they “know what to do”, “know about strangers”, etc., but no matter how savvy, or how much you talk to them, kids are kids and they don’t have the experience or emotional development to always make the right choices when you’re not around.

Sending a 10-year-old girl out into the world each day in full makeup and clothing styled to look like what the teenagers are wearing, is inviting trouble.

There is nothing more beautiful and perfect, than the skin and face of a little girl. Why on earth would any parent feel the need to allow a little girl to paint her face? As my Daddy used to say,”It’s gilding the lily.”

His other saying to me when I was a per-teen and teenager also rings true, “If it’s not for sale, don’t advertise it.” Unless you’re willing to thrust your little girl into the world of boys and dating, then the makeup thing should be approached in steps. A little lip gloss at age 12 or 13, followed by light eye makeup in the teen years. Just my two cents, Sandy_G

By Smart Ace

August 12, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

@Jessie’s Girl

I’m a realist, I tell it like it is. No sense in beating around the bush…..it takes to long.

Now if I had said, “it is like watching special needs children trying to gain access to a building,” It just would not have had the same effect and I like to find humor in everything, there is far too much seriousness in the world.

By CP

August 12, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

I view hair & makeup as beauty accessories. Play with it, change the color, length, whatever. As long as it’s not trashy & compliments you, I don’t see the problem.

I remember being 9 or 10 and being allowed to wear makeup if I wanted. The problem was that I wasn’t told how to do it right & would wear bright, baby blue eye shadow & red, red, red lipstick. I still don’t understand how my parents let me out of the house like that. I’ve wondered if they knew I’d be teased at school (which I was) about it & it wouldn’t last. I learned how to suit my makeup to me in my late teens by trial & error. My mother hardly ever wore / wears makeup so I don’t think she actually knew how to do it herself. I don’t want to have my girls not knowing what looks better on them - and when they’re carrying it too far.

I’ve painted my girls’ nails before - I think the earliest I ever did was when they were 2. Some people think that’s too young, but it’s only for fun. We’re not doing it all the time either. My oldest daughter (5) has worn makeup before for special times for her, but it’s only been twice in her life. More like playing dress-up.

I don’t see myself having a problem with coloring or highlighting my kids’ hair, even if my son wanted highlights. I’d do them myself too since in my life pre-kids I used to be a hairdresser. I’m the only one who’s ever cut their hair & hair styles & color isn’t permanent anyway. It always grows out.

As far as wearing makeup everyday, I don’t have any set age for that, but I think it will happen in late middle school or early high school. It will depend on maturity & how well they can work with it. If it looks freakish or whorish, they’re not going to leave the house. I do the “less is more” motto & I’m going to try & teach them that also.

Bras will be when they need it. Again, I should have had them before I started wearing them. My 6th grade teacher pulled me aside one day & tactfully told me I needed to get one of my parents to take me shopping for a bra.

But it’s probably not going to be VS or anything terribly expensive. More like Hanes or Fruit of the Loom. If they even make training bras! I don’t know. Will figure that out later.

Some posters have mentioned about how boys perceive girls when they wear “older” makeup. I’ll be looking out for this too & it reminded me of what I’ve already told my daughters (although they don’t know what I’m talking about.) When they go on a date, they will not be allowed to shave anything & they will have to wear “granny panties.”

By ESR

August 12, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

One week you have women complaining that men stare at their young daughters and then you have moms who have a 12 year old girls highlighted and styled in a adult way, allow them to wear make up and adult sunglasses and clothes and you wonder why men look at them like they’re the little child like hooker wannbes they appear to be. If you dress your child as a child slut/tramp…they’ll be treated like one.

By JJ

August 12, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Band Mom Gone Wild I think that’s cool about you and your daughter’s tatoos. You sound like a mom who is very much in tune with her teenager…….

My daughter wore nail polish when she was little, once in a while. I thought it was cute, and I still do think it’s cute on little girls….

By Stacey

August 12, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

I’m 38 and I still hate and can’t walk in high heels. I have a couple of pairs that I wear on special occasions (jobs interviews, weddings, funerals, etc). I used to wear them to church but my church has now adopted a more casual dress code so I’m comfortable wearing flats. I consider 3 inches high and the highest heels I’ve ever owned were 4 inches. I used to work for a company where we were required to wear suits and I wore flats on the train and while I was at lunch and only wore my heels while I was in the office. I hate the big clunky heels and wedges so when I do wear heals, they are fairly then.

By JJ

August 12, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Stacey I am with you. I own two pair of heels, for very special occasions, one pair normal heels, and one pair of strappy sandal heels.

I NEVER dress up anymore. My company is VERY casual. I am in jean capris and sandals right now.

I don’t own any suits, pantyhose or slips. I hope I never have to wear them again.

I do have one nice pantsuit that I wear when we go on cruises for the formal dinners……

By nurse&mother

August 12, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

Band Mom- can you say “new paragraph”?

By Jesse's Girl

August 12, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Now see….I ADORE getting all dressed up. I own some wonderful heels that I wear everyday nearly! I love fashion…and when I have to travel or even be downtown, I need to present myself as savvy and forward. My girls are flip-flop freaks however. They have dressy and casual ones. Its really very cute how different we all are.

By Stacey

August 12, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Ooops…Excuse me Smart Ace. I slipped up and typed “heals” but I do know the difference. LOL

Sandy_G…You may get beat up for your views, but I agree with you. I look at some of the 5th grade girls (and boys) at my son’s school and they look like they are 15 or 16 WITHOUT makeup. Thankfully, a lot of the parents seem to realize this and still dress them like they are elementary school children.

By They're Out There

August 12, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Moms - check your daughters’ myspace page (if you don’t think they have one, you’re wrong). It will invariably contain a cover photo of them in provocative pose, dress, and appearance taken by one of their friends, probably during a “sleepover” night with the girls - the makeup was gone by the time you saw them the next day. Create you own myspace page so that you can sign on and view their other pictures and read the messages the boys are sending them. Click on the sites of their myspace “friends” and you will be scared, very scared.

By Band Mom Gone Wild

August 12, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

A gigantimongous pet peeve of mine reared it’s ugly head again this weekend. My daughter (the one who’s turning 16 on Sunday) has a beautiful figure. She used to be this skinny little thing which drove me nuts (I’m Italian… can’t help it.) but she was still growing heighth-wise and her body hadn’t quite caught up with her. Well, she was sick for a while this year and gained some weight but has since lost it and at 5’ 7” looks very healthy. She has very nice curves which most women my age would kill for. Here’s the problem. She likes Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister. (I know, I know… but she has a limit whenever we shop there and knows that she could get twice as many clothes at Old Navy than at those stores, but it’s her choice to have less and be “cool”.) Here’s my pet peeve… the clothes in A & F and Hollister are made for these little teeny tiny, skinny@ss girls! She has THE worst time shopping now because she doesn’t fit that size 00 mold and I end up with a splitting headache from her tears AND the stench of the cologne they pump through the HVAC system!! Tell me, how on God’s green earth can there be a size 00?? That’s less than nothing! She leaves these stores feeling like a fat cow when in fact she looks perfect! No matter how many times her dad and I tell her she’s beautiful and has the perfect figure for her body type she still cries. (Doesn’t help that her boyfriend broke up with her in the midst of her illness because he saw himself with more of the “cheerleader” type. In other words, she gained too much weight for his liking. Jerk.) If she grows much more she will be beyond the “stretch” in their stretch jeans and life will not be good. If anyone else has this issue, how do you deal with it?

By Band Mom Gone Wild

August 12, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

Sorry, Nurse & Mother… guess I got a bit carried away!

By Jesse's Girl

August 12, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

Tell her to shop at Aerpostale’…roomier stuff and still very cool. Also, I just gotta give a “Capt. Obvious” award to the AJC for one of their headlines. It reads…”Crack users with HIV have unsafe sex”. Really? Brilliant…

By Amazed

August 12, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Band Mom, it’s so nice and touching to see a mom and daughter low rent white trash pair; do you also go to the free clinic together for your weekly STD shots? I know you have lofty goals for you daughter. I imgaine teen age mom is one of them. And you, a grandmother at age 31, how wonderful. Too bad God gave you more uterus and less brain.

By Scruffy

August 12, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

As the name implies, I am a scruffy kind of girl sometimes. I do love a full face of makeup and, tight jeans, heels, a beautiful hairdo, too, but can’t pull it off on Saturday for a trip to Target.

I think children in middle school are too young for makeup. I agree with Sandy_G (10:14 AM) in that girls who are fully made up look older and attract boys that are too old for them. By the time I was in the 6th grade, I was 5’3, and had a shape that was definitely not a little girl’s shape (dancing and athletics). I looked like a 6th grader in my face. Fresh and clean and I didn’t see anything wrong with it. Neither did my mama who wouldn’t have let me wear makeup at that age anyway.

I wonder if this is a cultural thing. My white friends in elementary and middle school all styled themselves to death (hair, nails, full face of makeup, shaved legs) but none of my black friends did. Our mothers didn’t abide by that.

I was allowed to wear makeup when it was not a special occasion in the 9th grade. And that was mostly for picture day. Yes, I did wear red liptick. Red complements my skin color. No one thought I was fast because of lipstick because I didn’t carry myself as fast any other day.

All that being said, mothers and fathers need to decide this based upon their daughters’ maturity and how she presents herself and whether she would know how to handle any unwanted attention.

By My3Kids

August 12, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Augh…someone who must not approve of tats and peircings.

I found the sure fire way to get protect my children from the internet. DON’T ALLOW IT! No…really my daughters do not use my computers at home at all. I’m a password freak (IT Nerd here) and they haven’t figured how to break my codes.

Luckily though my oldest has no interest in the computer. She likes to pick on me for being on them all the time. I will look things up for her. I do know she is not trying to fool me with her computer dumbness because she does not spend the night with friends so she is with me every night. However, she is finally growing up and I know that will change tomorrow. She is still at the stage where Myspace is stupid to her. She hates the fact that I have an account. Her friends have found it and pick on her for my country music but all want me to do their graphics.

By Jesse's Girl

August 12, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

If you are so stinkin’ in the know…then whats the harm of letting your oldest on the computer every now and again? No doubt you have what it takes to keep an eye on things. Lighten up just a bit and then she may no be so mortified that her friends know more about you than she does:)

By Band Mom Gone Wild

August 12, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

Amazed… How does a parent “have goals for their child”? I don’t understand that. I know plenty of parents that try to impose on their kids what the parents think their kids’ goals should be, but all I’ve seen them accomplish is the build up of resentment and the creation of a rebellious child. Kind of like the musclehead football player my daughter was going out with. His parents have made playing in the NFL their priority, supplying him with all the coaches and trainers and Muscle Milk the kid can stand. What’s it getting them? A 16 y/o who thinks that hard work is picking up the phone on Tuesday to call the travel agent to arrange for the last minute trip to Cancun on Sunday; and who thinks that a meaningful relationship is making out with a a girl so smart she doesn’t even know how to spell “rah”.

We’ve raised our daughter to know the difference between right and wrong. We’ve taught her through example about kindness and helping others. She sees me serving my country one weekend a month and appreaciates the honor I feel in doing so. All I can do as a parent is pray that, as she starts to spread her wings, everything we’ve shown her is remembered and makes a difference in her life.

Right now my white trash young’un is setting her sights on joining the Navy in two years after HS graduation. She wants to be in the medical field and knows that an ROTC scholarship and/or the GI Bill is a great way to get an education while having the honor of serving your country.

31? Oh please flatter me so more! I’m 45 and not a grandmother yet (other than to a cute little kitten). Low rent… I wish! Our 2300 sq ft house isn’t as big as the houses in Sugarloaf CC but I’ll bet it’s more of a home than a lot of them. And if I did need to get STD shots I’ve got my own doctor thanks and wouldn’t need to go to the free clinic. The Bachelor of Science degree I have in Education has served me well. My job as the Education Administrator with a major financial services company allows us to have great insurance coverage. Thanks for the concern though.

By Julie

August 12, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

Amazed -I’m amazed you somehow missed the last 20 years and still think only white trailer trash gets tattoos. Sure, it’s your choice if you want to think that, but you’re quite wrong! You may want to pay closer attention to your reading comprehension skills instead of trying to judge someone based on their body ink. Band Mom talked about what a well-adjusted kid she has -not and STD infected teenage mother. You can spend the rest of your time trying to dislodge the large, hard object that is evidently wedged in your rear end.

Signed, A very well-adjusted and well-bred well-off mother of two with 3 tattoos

By You're Kidding

August 12, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

OK, another English lesson, post our lesson on “heals” and “heels”:

“i” after “e,” except after “c.” Correct: piercing, not peircing; niece not neice.

For the love of God!

By JJ

August 12, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

BandMom You are a new comer to our blog, so I will tell you something.

DON’T FEED THE TROLLS!!!!

Amazed is a troll. Anyone who gets on here and posts something mean and insulting is a troll. We regulars don’t do that….except me once in a while….

Am I right ladies? (And gentlemen too)

By new mom

August 12, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

(hand raised) JJ, it is kinda fun to feed those trolls now and then, isn’t it?

I haven’t chimed in much yesterday and today, our almost 11 mth old isn’t near kindergarten yet (but boy does she want a fancy bra to match her diaper!)

But HELLO to all of you! Have a great day!

By Band Mom Gone Wild

August 12, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

Thanks for the advice JJ. I will refrain from further feeding the trolls. I guess its for the best anyway since they need to keep their size 00 figure so that they can fit into their $500 bikini to show off their $10K lipo job. :^)

By JJ

August 12, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

newMom I was just wondering where you were? I thought maybe you were all upset about the cancellation of last week’s L.A.M.E. awards…..

So where does one shop for bras that match diapers?

PS - I’m gearing up for this week’s awards……I already have a few in mind…….I’m still accepting nominations so please, feel free to nominate!!!!!

And, any category suggestions would be greatly appreciated….Guess who’s getting an award this week?

By for petes sake

August 12, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

Shut up and grow up JJ.

By Smart Ace

August 12, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this

Um, the L.A.M.E awards were not cancelled….J.J. you received your award as I recall.

Whether or not you choose to accept the award or not is your business but you were given the award.

By Amazed

August 12, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this

Julie you claim to be well-bred; old money pedigree I am sure. I can tell your social stripe equals that of a Mayflower descendant. I’m laughing here! The amout of class and breeding a tattoo exudes is less than infinitesimal. Enjoy your tramp stamp; such a lovely reminder of those three days you spent drunk and on your back in Panama City.

By Becky

August 12, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

As some of you know, I have custody of my 2 nieces & at 14 the youngest loves the combed over the eye hair & heavy eyeliner. The oldest (16) doesn’t wear a bit of makeup..I don’t have a big issue with her wearing makeup, when you think of everything else that she could be doing..I’m thinking that it’s just a phase & she’ll outgrow it…As for the nail polishon little ones, my 6 yer old granddaughter loves to go have a medi/pedicure..She’s a girlie girl & I don’t see anything worng with it..Welcome to our world Band Mom…

By LM

August 12, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

My 15 y/o daughter seems to follow my line of thinking about makeup.

I have never been one to wear makeup, don’t “do” my hair unless for special events. Makeup even when applied looks clownish on my IMO. On others it looks great.

I just took her to VS to get her a beter well fitting bra than I could find at walmart, an I would have gotten her matching panties if she had wanted them.

Her hair was long until last year, I put off letting her cut it, moreso because she did not take care of it and with it short she would not be able to put it up in a bun. She has beautiful color and lots of body, thankfully she did not get my hair. And when she spends a lot of time outside she turns a wonderful shade of gold.

Mani/Pedi are our splurge. Every once in a while we will get them done, more often during the summer. I don’t like polish on my fingers and she chews hers so most of the time it is just a Pedi, any color is okay by me. We’ve seen her is blue, green, red, pink, glitter. It is the only time she even tries to be “girly.”

A couple of years ago taling with her counslor. The topic of her hair came up. I was against her cutting it and the counslor tried to talk me into be more open about it. Said if I would allow her to express herself now while she was younger, she would be less likly to go crazy expressing herself when she go out of the house. It took me awhile but I did understand what she was trying to tell me.

By Jesse's Girl

August 12, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

HEY!!! I’ve spent some good times drunk and on my back in PC…and Daytona…and Maui…and San Fran. Oh hell…I was traveling and touring. I swear I turned out well:)

By AMY

August 12, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

I am 29. When I started sixth grade-for christmas that year, my mom had her Mary Kay Lady come and do a makeover, and whatever colors the consultant picked out is what I received for christmas (the foundation, powder, eyeshadow, liner, mascera, and lip gloss). Also got cleanser and toner. So all that makeup probably lasted me until the 8th grade (with tbe exception of the powder and foundation-had to get more often) But many times I was too tired, and did not get up early enough to use it, which was why it probably lasted so long. But, at least my mom didn’t want me looking like a clown, and I learned how to put the makeup on correctly and wore the right colors to my complexion. This might have been a little much for such a young person, but I at least did learn something from the experience.

By CP

August 12, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

Hey JJ! I’ve got a possible award catagory. How about “Knows so much about other peoples’ lives they should have their own advice column or psychic hotline?” Maybe a bit long but we could do a “best (but what does it matter) spelling / grammar on a blog” award.

By My3Kids

August 12, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

Truthfully, the biggest reason my kids are not allowed on the internet yet is because of my husband. Basically it’s his rule. I used to allow the kids to play games over the internet when my oldest was younger but they were messing with my computer so I stopped that. However, I go with what my husband says on this issue (there are so many I won’t and will refuse to, he doesn’t get girls or kids) is only because of her maturity levels.

I also see what my nephews are doing on the internet or I should say they were. As I am the one who monitors my nephews’ pages for my sister because their father stopped. She is stricter than their father and his new wife. She also doesn’t approve of them on MySpace, so as a compromise for them to keep their sites; I took over and report back to her. I caught her oldest doing things he shouldn’t.

My daughter is not mortified that her friends know more about me than she does because she knows me. She likes it that her friends ask her to ask me to make them things or help them out. She sits with me when I am goofing off on the computer and I will allow her to see my page. I try to do nothing that I have to hide from my kids. My mom hid a lot from my sister and me about her life growing up and using that practice as I preach not as I do approach and I hated it. So I try to lead my example as many parents do or try to. However, a lot of it the restricting from the internet comes from until recently she has not been mature enough to handle it. My daughter is what you would consider special needs and she is just now maturing enough to understand the dangers of the internet. Her mind is now maturing with her body, which explains the first boyfriend and asking about the kissing. Up until the last year, she may have been a teenager but in many ways she had the mind of an 8 to 10 year old. I have tried to protect her more because of that.

I am probably over protected on some things with her but I loosen up on things as needed. As of this week, she is in many ways 13 while being 14 going on 15. I know she will not always talk to me about everything, I remember what it was like being a teen, but right now she does and I will take every opportunity to work with her and protect her until she stops me. Even if my mom was secretive about her life she made sure my sister and I could talk to her or my dad about clothes, makeup, and boys. As well as anything else that would blow in and that part made me respect my parents more.

And I am the reason she does not spend the night friends’ homes. In the past, she did not make friends easy and never really had any until the last year. She prefers them coming to our home and that is fine with me.

By Smart Ace

August 12, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Jessie’s Girl has just become my favorite gal on this blog….

By CP

August 12, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

Sorry, I guess the trolls were exceptionally irritating to me today. Must be the lack of sleep.

By KoolAid House

August 12, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

Oooh, I’ve missed a good blog session.

My youngest niece just entered middle school. She has been wearing full makeup since 4th grade. Her mother has allowed her to wear mascara, blush, eye shadow, and lipstick since she was 9. Her mother is very HIGH maintenance and is raising both her daughters to be high maintenance as well. I can’t stand it. Neither do I. My child just started h.s. yesterday (mixed emotions) and she’s not wearing any makeup just yet. Yes, she did ask for highlights, but she won’t be getting those either. She’ll be 14 in 2 weeks. I don’t think kids need to wear makeup and mess up their pretty soft skin. To each their own, but to wear full fledge makeup in the 4th grade. Hell to da Naw! Now, let me get back to reading all these comments.

By KoolAid House

August 12, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

They’re out There…I’ve done exactly this—> Create you own myspace page so that you can sign on and view their other pictures and read the messages the boys are sending them. Not on my watch. She has room to breathe and be a kid, but she has absolutely no room to act a fool, post pics like a fool. NADA!

By Jesse's Girl

August 12, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

@My3Kids….you know what you’re doing. Keep it up.

Smart Ace….I do what I can. Anytime I can:)

By My3Kids

August 12, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

Thanks Jesse’s Girl. There are more days than I care to count that I feel like I don’t have a clue with her.

By Homeschool Mom

August 12, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

After reading all of these I am SO VERY glad that I have boys!!

By