MOMania

By JDavid

August 4, 2008 8:00 AM | Link to this

Lady describes her lovely, teen sister-in-law in a tiny 2-piece on the beach, getting leered at by older men. And she gets offended. No laws were broken by onlookers. She should hsve ignored the stares.Best course of action..

By JDavid

August 4, 2008 8:06 AM | Link to this

Take no action..You admitted being in the wrong by not have the foresight to cover up your teenage beauty. U should have ignored the stares. Don’t be so hyper sensitive.

By JDavid

August 4, 2008 8:06 AM | Link to this

Take no action..You admitted being in the wrong by not have the foresight to cover up your teenage beauty. U should have ignored the stares. Don’t be so hyper sensitive.

By JDavid

August 4, 2008 8:06 AM | Link to this

Take no action..You admitted being in the wrong by not have the foresight to cover up your teenage beauty. U should have ignored the stares. Don’t be so hyper sensitive.

By JDavid

August 4, 2008 8:06 AM | Link to this

Take no action..You admitted being in the wrong by not have the foresight to cover up your teenage beauty. U should have ignored the stares. Don’t be so hyper sensitive.

By JJ

August 4, 2008 8:12 AM | Link to this

I leer back at them.

My daughter, I must say, is georgous. I’m not bragging, but she is beautiful. She gets stared at all the time, and has since she was an infant. People would stop me in the mall. She’s not a petite little size 0, and has a good bit of meat on her, but they still stare, mostly at her face. She has the most beautiful eyes, and stunning smile.

I’ve noticed alot of black women also stare at her.

But, Mexicans are the worst. They gawck, and make no attempt to hide the fact they are staring at her.

One guy actually walked up to our car while I was inside the gas station paying for gas. He walked up to her side of the car to talk to her. I walked out an informed him she was 12 years old. I’ve never seen a man move away so fast!

By momtoAlex&Max

August 4, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this

smile This brings me back. I grew up in South America, where men do not only stare, but will say things too when walking by you on the street. When I was young teen (14 or so), I looked quite a bit older than I was and my mother looked quite a bit younger than she was. As a result, we looked to be maybe 10 years apart and so men would stare AND whisper things to both of us! It was not funny then, but it is now.

As a side note, one time I was at Publix and one Spanish-speaking men said something crude about me to his companions; loud enough for me to hear since they did not know I could speak Spanish. I told them :”How rude!” in Spanish. You can imagine how embarassed they were. LOL!

I think the best response is to ignore it or say something rude. After all, staring is rude.

By Gee Zuss

August 4, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

Don’t let your daughter dress like a slut. OTOH, I wish you had hit the guy so he could have ‘defended’ himself and whipped your fat a$$.

By ManOfTeal

August 4, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

So what if they look? As long as there is no touching involved who cares?

By Ricecakes

August 4, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this

My daughter is almost 14 years old. We were shopping at Kroger with my husband and brother-in-law and we were reading magazines in the book aisle. My daughter was standing a few feet from me and my husband and this guy who had to be in his mid to late 30’s asked her what her name was. My daughter didn’t say anything to him, thank God! I always keep my radar on and I immediately looked at him with the protective stare. My brother-in-law heard him and almost said something to him but they guy walked away when he saw me coming toward him. This is not the first time. MOTHER’S please keep an eye on your children there are a lot of predators out there. Sometimes it harmless but you never know.

By HBGB

August 4, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this

Comes with the territory. Overt staring is rude though.

By Racebaiter

August 4, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

I’m betting your 16 yo and 14 yo daughters look at least 18, right? Get a clue parents. Wise up.

By parentof4

August 4, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

I do not know. I remember when I was a teen, my father brought me to get some fast food. He order then after we pull up to the window, the gentlemen started adding “extra” food in my bag when they saw me. They asked my father if he wanted a drink, of course he declined. Yet he did not say anything to them or their supervisors.

I think it is best tto ignor yet inform her how to act. All that could go to a girls head in no time.

By S.D.

August 4, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

These days, 12-year-olds look 15, 15-year-olds look 19, and 19-year-olds look 24, and if the subject is attractive, one will get looks. Consider what the word “attractive” means — your attention is attracted by beauty. Your eyes being drawn to the subject is one thing, but creepy looks are something else!

By ron

August 4, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

Oftentimes when I.m looking at a teenage girl,i’m not ogling,but wondering why she has so much metal in her face,or why she’s wearing black make-up.Sometimes she’s wearing a pair of low cut pants about two sizes too small with rolls of fat hanging over the top,resembling a 40 year beer drinking paunch and I just wonder why?Where are the parents?

By Pundit

August 4, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

With all respect, if “every single man” was staring at her, then you need to redefine what you consider “modest”.

By Kat

August 4, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

My daughter is 12 but looks older. She is tall, blond, and beautiful. I make sure she dresses modestly, but she is already getting more attention than we are comfortable with. So far nothing from adult men, but a lot of older teens want to talk to her, ask her name, etc. Since I can’t be there all the time, I’ve made sure she knows to either ignore them or tell them in no uncertain terms that she isn’t interested. This manifests itself in another way though, that I would like to hear others’ comments on. Friends and family often comment on how beautiful and grown-up she looks. I know they mean well, but I don’t want her to get the idea that being pretty is some kind of accomplishment. It’s just a blessing of good genes. I have begun replying with comments like, “Thank you, did you know she’s also a straight-A student?” or “plays an instrument?” or whatever…to deflect the compliment from her looks to an accomplishment she can really be proud of. Looks fade eventually, so I don’t want that to be her sole source of self-esteem.

By Gumbykelly

August 4, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

If you were so concerned with people looking at your precious little princess, why did YOU allow her to wear the swim suit in the first place? I agree that it can be scary when a man who is old enough to know better starts leering at your daughter. I too have at 17 year old, I just exercise the right to tell that she can’t wear something that would envoke that kind of response.

By Lynne

August 4, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this

Wow, this is something I was just discussing with my husband.

We have two daughters, 19 and 17. Both are beautiful, in spite of their parents.

Yes, Hispanic men are THE WORST about blatantly staring at my girls.

They are the ones who handle it the best, my girls are. They simply ignore the stares.

As their mom, I have stared back and at times, even made comments. These people are invading our personal space.

No, my daughters do NOT dress inappropriately. No, they do not behave in an inappropriate manner.

People simply are losing their respect for others.

Stop staring and leave these girls and boys alone. So what if my daughters look older than they are. They certainly did not ask to look that way. Why be punished for what some consider to be a gift from God?

Just leave these girls/boys alone and stop be so rude!

By RZRBK

August 4, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

There is nothing wrong with looking. Just because you read the menu doesn’t mean your going to eat. Don’t take her out into public at all if you don’t want people to look.

By hagbard celine

August 4, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

A lot of young girls dres and look waaaay beyond thier years these days. Hannah Montana looks like a 25 year old when she is tarted up for the stage. Those Bratz dolls surely aren’t the best influence either.

I’m just sayin.

By Theresa

August 4, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I have to say that I’m shocked that many of you (and I assuming most, if not, all are men) are saying this is OK and somehow the 15 year olds fault —- My mother in law and father in law are very strict. This kid had no make up on — her hair wasn’t fixed and the bathing suit was not small in any way. But you could see she had curves (not even so much breasts just a waist and hips) — And that’s all it takes —- I’m sorry but they were all wrong!! And why isn’t anyone commenting on the teen boy?? No one offended by mothers talking about the 18 year old boy???

By Kat

August 4, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

I am floored by the number of people who want to blame the victim. You are probably the same people who would blame a rape vitim for wearing a short skirt. While it certainly seems that some girls dress to attract attention, that in no way gives others permission to act in a harrassing or abusive manner. Someone pointed out that you look at what your eye is drawn to, and I agree with that. But there is a difference between a glance and a leer, and crude comments definitely cross the line. the perpetrator is at fault, and no style of clothing gives anyone permission to cross that line.

By John

August 4, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

You don’t say how old the guys that were looking are. I don’t think ones near her age are all that weird, but older guys would be creepy. I’m 47 and learing at a 16 year old would be really creepy. However, many 16 year olds look and act much older. I knew one girl that could pass for 25 when whe wanted to when she was sixteen.

The fact of the matter is that guys look. But there is a difference between a quick up and down and stopping to stare. It’s going to be happening to her for a long time.

By PlainHardTruth

August 4, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

Cover them up.

What is or is not ‘fashionable”, has no bearing on what is appropriate and/or what will illicit inappropriate behavior on the part of vermin from sub-cultures.

If you have a pool in the back yard, are at a country club, or private resort, you have some ground to stand on. Otherwise, its just not fair, but its the way it is.

By nurse&mother

August 4, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

@GumbyKelly-If you bothered to read today’s blog, you would have read that Theresa stated if was her sister-in-law, not her daughter. I don’t think that it is her place to dress her sister-in-law.

I don’t like to stereotype, but why is it that many Hispanic men are so forward and yell out comments to women? Do they actually think that a woman/girl will turn around and say “Well handsome, will you go out with me?” Just didn’t know if this was something cultural (besides being tacky and rude). One other question, do come-ons work? I’ve never known them to.

By J

August 4, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Men are pigs. Thanks to our “culture” this is how women are treated…like objects. You reap what you sow. I still get ogled to this day by disgusting men…it’s never an attractive man….always fat pervs, mexicans, rednecks, or gangbangers.

By Julie

August 4, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

First off -a lot of you can’t comprehend what you read can you? She said it was her SISTER-IN-LAW, not daughter, who was wearing a MODEST two-piece. However, when I was 16 and looked great and wore a bikini I kind of expected to be ogled. YES, there are the creepy old guys who leer too much and too long, but it comes with the territory. I would only get mad then or if I had a teenager now if someone started commenting or following us.

I know this wasn’t the case on the beach, but so much of the time when ANYONE is ogling a teenager it’s because the teenager is dressed SO inappropriately you can’t help but stare! If I, a heterosexual 38-year old woman, openly stare when I see a 15 year old tarted up like a streetwalker -then what do you expect from a 35 year old guy? Just because your daughter may be a teen or the fashion may be popular doesn’t mean you need to let her wear it! Last night my husband and I gawked at this teenage girl in a restaurant wearing a NIGHTGOWN with a v-back all the way to her butt and a black lace bra hanging out of the back of it! These girls with JUICY and other slogans written across their butts on short-shorts look trashy and disgusting and VERY suggestive too -and I see 12, 13, and 14 year olds dressed in those! A friend of mine witnessed a near altercation on MARTA when two black guys commented on this 13 year old girl’s JUICY shorts on her butt and her very upper middle class white father got all PO’d about it and said, “SHE’S ONLY 13!” -and one of the guys asked him “Then why you lettin’ her adverstise it man?” -and I think HE was the one with the good point! Basically -pretty young girls are always going to be stared at, but parents -PLEASE -make sure they’re getting stares because they look good -not because they’re dressed like hookers!

By JustRespectOthers

August 4, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

My daughter is also very attractive and now 18. We had an incident where an older guy of another race waiting on us at Moe’s of all places was so enchanted that he started asking her personal questions right in front of me her Mother. I stepped in and politely told him “none of your business”. I did have a couple of teen guys compliment me on what a beautiful daughter I made. I thought that approach had some tact. We can’t be as one blogger said “hyper-sensitive”, but we also can demand respect. I have taught my daughter to be as polite as possible, but keep her distance, do not answer any personal questions and not to show all of her teeth - to the old perverts. And to the boys her age, respond according to their approach.

By nurse&mother

August 4, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

Kat, I completely agree with you about the rape victims!

A little side note-I think that the internet has brought out the perverts (as well as creating new ones). Looking at sex (with adults as well as children) in the privacy of one’s own home has been detrimental to our society. JMHO.

By Tonia

August 4, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

I have a brother that is eleven years younger than I, a god daughter who has just become seventeen. So giving the evil eye is something I’m accustomed to. Most often I end up making eye contact with the individual and letting them know that staring, glaring, and hypnotic gazing is nasty and could be viewed as a violation of someone else.

By Different Slant

August 4, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this

Folks, it’s time to step up to the plate & see that your daughters dress a little more modestly. Leering, although disconcerting, is harmless but what if, next time, God forbid, it’s something worse & you’re not around to protect her?? I also have a problem with my teen daughter being stared & pointed at & being commented about loudly & rudely. I’ve posted here before, but my teen daughter is horribly disfigured facially. It’s gotten to the point where she dreads going out in public & we are considering home-schooling for her. But, in the meantime, how do we deal with the rude stared & insults? Many’s the night my husband & I hear her crying herself to sleep & we are both at our wit’s end as to what to do.

By M

August 4, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Tell you what….I’ll stop looking at your 15 year old daughter if you stop dressing her like a 35 year old hooker. It’s amazing the things young girls are allowed to wear these days. You as a parent have a responsibility to make sure your kids aren’t running around looking like tramps. In this case your 15 year old should be wearing a one piece bathing suit with a swim cap so guys know she’s young and off limits.

By Julie

August 4, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

I will comment about teen guys. I will have two one day, and I really don’t anticipate being bothered if older women think they’re “hot”. HOWEVER -I do NOT want to hear about anything anyone -younger or older -would like to “do” to them. Likewise -I don’t want to hear older men talking about young girls that way either. Like I said before -looking is one thing, leering is creepy, and comments are gross and don’t need to be made. AND I’m NOT blaming the girls -but if they are wearing suggestive and slutty clothing -their parents should NOT allow it! I know teenagers may sneak and change or whatever, but most of the time a 14 year old in slut-wear had that purchased for her by her mother. I still don’t know why your sister-in-law getting some looks on the beach is such a big deal though. The leering by old men -yes, that’s gross -but just looks -so what? Don’t you notice really good-looking men -even if some of them are a bit younger than you? I know I thought a guy was about 24 one time (and much younger than me) and he was HOT -and it turned out he was 18….

By A. Nony Mouse

August 4, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

My stars do you people read!? First it was her Sister-in-law; so it was not Theresa’s place to choose her wardrobe, second she was wearing a MODEST two piece swim suit.

I was a mature looking 12 yr old once upon a time. My parents kept close watch on me and nothing bad happened. My Dad has a saying, 12 will get you 25. Enough said.

Leering is rude, period. Noticing a good looking person is one thing, making a drooling fool of oneself is stupid.

By Theresa

August 4, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

Slightly off topic but related— I studied in Rome, Italy for a summer in college. I was 20 at the time so much older than my sister-in-law and legal. The Italian men were soooo aggressive — constantly cat calling and following you when you would walk by. On the busses they would rub up against you from behind acting like the bus was “making them do it” — At 20 you know better how to defend yourself (My sister in law is super shy— straight A student who sings in the honor choir!She just gets embarrassed.She doesn’t know how to defend herself yet!) — We used to say that there was no such thing as rape in Rome, it’s just called riding the bus. This one guy was so persistent and so on top of me that I stomped on his foot with my heel and acted like “the bus” made me do it. Guess what? He backed off!

By Becky

August 4, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

I have 2 nieces that live with me & as bad as this may sound,I thank my lucky stars that they both look their age 14 & 16..I agree with with what Ron & John both say..Most girls look (& try to act) a lot older than they are..

By Sam

August 4, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

@nurse&mother-

Yes it is a cultural thing. In many Hispanic countries, cat-calls are considered to be a form of flattery. A grand gesture, if you will. Often times the men compete to see who can create the most flowery statement to yell at a girl. They don’t realize that many women here find cat-calls to be highly offensive.

By hairgut

August 4, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

This is why the Muslims cover up their women.

By ekellyb

August 4, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

My daughter and I were at Northlake Mall yesterday and this Spanish man was staring rudely at my 14 yar old. She also noticed him staring and glared back at him. It obviously made her as uncomfortable as it did me. As several other people have stated, it is not illegal to look but you never know when soemone may try to cross the line. I do not let her go to the mall or any public place unsupervised. It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s the men I don’t trust. There needs to be more security so that young girls feel safe.

By ekellyb

August 4, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

My daughter and I were at Northlake Mall yesterday and this Spanish man was staring rudely at my 14 yar old. She also noticed him staring and glared back at him. It obviously made her as uncomfortable as it did me. I’m certain she was grateful that I was there with her. As several other people have stated, it is not illegal to look but you never know when soemone may try to cross the line. I do not let her go to the mall or any public place unsupervised. It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s the men I don’t trust. There needs to be more security so that young girls feel safe.

By ekellyb

August 4, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

My daughter and I were at Northlake Mall yesterday and this Spanish man was staring rudely at my 14 yar old. She also noticed him staring and glared back at him. It obviously made her as uncomfortable as it did me. I’m certain she was grateful that I was there with her. As several other people have stated, it is not illegal to look but you never know when soemone may try to cross the line. I do not let her go to the mall or any public place unsupervised. It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s the men I don’t trust. There needs to be more security so that young girls feel safe.

By John

August 4, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

Way back when I was a teenager my 16 year old girlfriend loved to get old men all hot. She thought it was quite amusing.

By Heather

August 4, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

18 year old hot bodied lifeguard is legal. I can do more than stare if I want and the mom could do nothing about it.

By Get Real

August 4, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

@Sam that might fly IF we were in a Hispanic country…but guess what…we are in America. All the Mexican perverts need to behave themselves of suffer the consequenses. If I catch them being rude to any member of my family they will remember that day for the rest of their lives. Most Americans are getting damned tired of having to cow tow to illegals because it would not be Politically Correct to say anything. Horse Hockey…They can either behave or get sent back…or both which is what I prefer. WE can pick our own tomatoes so they can wallow in their salmonella infested peppers.

By A. Nony Mouse

August 4, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

My 13 year old is really cute and well built but, totally clueless about those things. She is still really tomboyish, I think I will miss this time as she grows up.

By Tim

August 4, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Just a warning to some of the parents out there, you may want to keep an eye on your childrens eyes as well. I am 26 and cannot tell you how many times I get stared at by some kid that looks to be about 15 or so (both boys and girls). Some of your children are the ones doing the oogling. I’ve even had to tell a few to please go find a kiddie their own age lick their lips at! (to the other parents… I truly feel sorry for you having to see disgusting people eye your children up and down… I don’t care how “grown up” or “slutty” a 15 is dressed or looks you can still always tell that they are way too young for your nasty eyes to be looking at!)

By la

August 4, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

hairgut - you may have a point. HA HA

I have a 16 year old who don’t look like it and it has nothing to do with the style of clothes. She is 5’9”, has curves, is cute and well spoken. I buy modest clothes and the boys/men still look.

A man approached her and asked for her name and age. I told her to respond by saying “jail bait.” When I see men (college and above) looking at her I look at them and mouth the words “jail bait.” We don’t have any problems after that.

By TD

August 4, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

I have seen way too many young girls wearing shorts or pants with words on the bottom. This is just telling everyone, please look at my… bottom. I’ve considered thanking parents for giving me a legitimate reason for looking at their daughters bottom, just to make the point. (I’d probably be arrested though.)

I think parents need to be more involved with the way our young girls are dressed. That will not stop all gawkers, but it puts the blame where it should be. If the girl “looks older” and dresses provocatively, how is a guy supposed to know he’s looking at jailbait?

By jeff golden

August 4, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Hey AJC How about a little class. How about a blog on Skip. A great Atlanta figure and not this empty headed stupid subject on underage people. How about the great voice and face of a city that he brought back from baseball doom. Once again Atlanta has shown there Neck ” As in REDNECK” God Bless you Skip.

By MountainDawg

August 4, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

As a married man, I try my best to keep my eyes where they should be (away from all females), but I’d admit I’m only human & sometimes give a glance. However, it crosses the line at staring, making comments and even “checking out” a teenager. I think alotta men need to show some better restraint.

Conversely, many young girls dress/look older. I know I certainly won’t allow my daughter (when she gets older) to dress anywhere near provacative (as many teen gals do). Parents do need to exercise discipline in the area of physical appearance.

By Gwinnett mom

August 4, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

Teresa, I love your Rome story as I had similar experiences there. My daughter is 11 and I am already making efforts to keep her modest. When we walk over to the pool I have told her she must have a cover up on. When we shop for clothes we make are careful to make sure the outfits are age appropriate. But I don’t ever want her to get the feeling that she is in the wrong or should feel quilty for being beautiful. Your sister-in-law shouldn’t either. The only thing that went wrong here was that your husband had grabbed her cover up, when he ran for the car, and she should have had it. As far as the staring goes, there isn’t anything you can do about it. For a young girl ignoring the unwated stares is the best strategy. And sharing stories with her like the one in Rome, will help her to know how to be strong when she needs to be.

By Sonya

August 4, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

Theresa, I understand your reason for upset. I was not brought up to flaunt what I’ve got. My parents were uber strict. I didn’t dress provocatively nor did I act flirtatiously all through adolescence. Yet, as I found out later, that in this sex-mad world, a kid that has natural curves and a blossoming beauty coupled with that ‘je ne se qua’ factor becomes the ‘candy’ in social situations. I was constantly flirted with by most males I knew. I grew to overlook the flirt factor and just be cordially friendly. No harm done.

By Lee

August 4, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Girls who dress to entice boys will also entice men. Castign a wide net means you will get some trash fish as well as desired ones. So girls shouldn’t dress to be noticed unless they can handle the notariety. If your daughter or son dresses as a sex object, they will be treated as one. So if your teenagers isn ot ready for this, don’t let them dress beyonf their age.

By Fat Tony

August 4, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

I’m clearly being punished for my youthful indiscretions by being the father of an attractive 13 year old daughter. She’s maturing so quickly that it’s common for her to be mistaken for a 16 yr old or higher. It’s even worse if we dress up and go out for a nice dinner.

My paternal instincts are to pummel any leering onlookers, however that’s not exactly practical. So my strategy to address this condition is two-fold. First, I’m resolute regarding her wardrobe. No micro-mini’s and low-cut shirts. Basically, anything from Ambercrombie is likely a no-no. Stay strong in the face of accusations of “ruining her life” or being “so unfair”. In fact, I freely admit to both in order to avoid the “yes you are, no I’m not loop”.

Next, is education. Aside from the basic mechanics and biology of human sexuality, I try to gingerly instruct her about the singular focus of the male adolescent mind, if not male mind in general. For starters, EVERYTHING boys say is an abject lie gear towards one goal. If they say they are not lying, it’s an aggregated lie. Begging, pleading, and/or groveling by said boy is a good sign. It means you are winning.

By Bobby

August 4, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

My older sister is VERY pretty, and while growing up she was constantly getting stares and had no problem getting dates. She is very modest, to this day, and very polite so if she was uncomfortable she usually just ignored the gawkers. However, when she started working at a very popular retail store the looks got worse. Even tho her work uniform was a loose fitting polo shirt and loose fitting jeans the creepy old men problem got worse and worse. Eventually she had several stalkers, at which point whenever they would come into the store she would have to go sit in the security office until they left. It drove me crazy not being able to do more to protect my sister. Sadly years later she finally told our family growing up she had been raped several times, a couple of times from people who were older that she knew but wasn’t friends with, but sure enough one of the times was with one of the guys who stalked her at work. He followed one night when she got off work, apparent she put up a good fight, however this man was considerbly larger than my sister so she didn’t have a chance. My sister did not dress like a slut, or provacative, she wasn’t one of those girls who lied about her age, or even flirted, even with guys her own age. She just happened to be beautiful.. She didn’t me or even our dad when it happened because she was so ashamed of herself, which she shouldn’t have. Apparently she did tell her bestfriend at the time who knew a couple of the guys and blamed my sister for what happened. Why is it the victims fault? My sister had no chance against these guys, she is small frame, yet somehow it “her fault”?! Luckily now she has recovered from, and seems to be doing good mentally,she was also luckly not to have caught any STD’s from any of her attackers, she joined the ARMY and has since learned how to defend herself from even the biggest attackes, I sure wouldn’t want to get in a fight with her. She is still very beautiful, and still gets looks, although not as many bacause she has a daughter of her own, I know she’ll teach her daughter how to defend herself so she won’t go thro the same pain as she had too. My point of all this is sometimes looking or leering i just the begining. so please watch your daughter and sister and other relatives. It will save all involved alot of pain later on in life.

By Sam

August 4, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

@ Get Real

I was in no way excusing the behavior. Personally I hate cat-calls, regardless of the race of the person. You act as if Latinos are the only men who cat-call women…

By Katie

August 4, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

Well, if your daughter didn’t dress like an underaged hooker, low raise jeans, half shirts and premature boobies showing men wouldn’t stare. What do you expect???? As for the boys, people only stare when they have their asses sticking out of their baggy pants.

By ADL

August 4, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

I tell my 16 year old twin girls to ignore anyone staring at them. I also tell them that anyone who would stare at them or make inappropriate comments isn’t the type of person you wouls want to spend any time with.

By lovelyliz

August 4, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

I am not for the over sexualizing of children, but I do have issues with the notion that the more modestly a girl dresses, the less likely she is to attract attention.

For your run of the mill look at that gawker the way a girl is clothed can affect the amount of atention they give her, but pervs who are interested in young girls don’t need to leer at one in a string bikini in order to get their kicks on.

By Kat

August 4, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

Theresa, my sister had a similar experience in Italy. She was an adult and my father was with her, but he didn’t realize what was going on. She started to tell him, then decided he would overreact and that would be the beginning of an “international incident”. Instead, she waited until the train was at her stop, and as she moved away from the perpetrator, she turned and clobbered him in the side of the head with a camera case. It happened too quickly for him to react, and as she left the train she shouted, “Don’t mess with American women! And don’t act like you don’t understand English!”

By Leen

August 4, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

I have a couple of those boys that women tend to stare at. And, they work as lifeguards. My oldest handles it by just “ma’am” them to death (which seems to snap some sense into them quickly) My younger one gets easily embarrassed by it. I never felt it was threatening to them, I just remind them that looks fade, and there will always be somebody better looking, so to find their futures in education vs. modeling. I feel for the parents of daughters. I think I would be confrontational at leers, which are different from looks. Leers are threatening, as well rude.

By JohnnyReb

August 4, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

It’s mostly illegal invaders & “gangsta” trash who hawk on these young gals. If we’d deport the ills & put the gangsta vermin in jail (where they belong), that would take care of most the problem!

By Jeff

August 4, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

1) I have yet to find such a thing as a ‘modest’ TWO piece swimsuit. I’ve even seen quite a few ONE piece swimsuits that wouldn’t fit the bill.

2) Even if it does fit the bill, swimsuits, by their very nature, are fairly form fitting, even on guys. Therefore even if all skin between knees and shoulders is covered, if the girl/woman is attractive, it will come through.

3) As has been said, girls are looking older and older and younger and younger ages these days. I’ve known MANY 8-10yos that could pass for double that age on first glance, and that is WITHOUT any work such as makeup/fancy hairdo/etc.

4) If a teenage guy is going to look, rest assured most guys of any post-puberty age are going to look.

5) Just because an adult male looks - or even stares - does NOT mean he is thinking about you in a good way or even a sexual way. For example, in church one Sunday recently I noticed a girl in the row in front of me whose skirt barely covered her ‘cheeks’. YES, I looked. YES, it was longer than a glance. But my thought - and comment to my wife - was ‘How does her dad let her out of the HOUSE in that, much less to CHURCH???’ And note that my own church clothing philosophies are much different than most of my level of conservatism. (much more open)

By Kat

August 4, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Following the logic of some of these posts, banks deserve to be robbed beacuse they just sit there with all that cash, men deserve to be mugged for walking around in public with wallets in their pants, and an innocent person who is killed in a drive-by shooting has it coming to them for being in the wrong place. Thank goodness there are some rational minds on this blog. Unfortunately we aren’t hearing from many of them today.

By JDavid

August 4, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Lady describes her teen sister-in-law as quite a beauty, dressed in a 2-piece bathing suit & she gets offended. As ;ong as “dirty” old men don’t ACT, no laws were

By JDavid

August 4, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Lady describes her teen sister-in-law as quite a beauty, dressed in a 2-piece bathing suit & she gets offended. As ;ong as “dirty” old men don’t ACT, no laws were

By Jeff

August 4, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Theresa:

16 yo SIL doesn’t know how to defend herself is a FAR bigger issue. I’m assuming with the SIL title that she is Micheal’s little sis. And knowing what you’ve said about Micheal, he SHOULD know better than to have let his little sis get this old without knowing how to defend herself appropriately.

Best advice I can give at this point is to give her some mace for Christmas along with an enrollment in a women’s self defense class - preferably one taught by either cops that work on rape cases or a former rape victim. (If it was all-around fighting I’d have different recommendations for the type of instructor you want. And overall if the two above named types are unavailable, the general purpose recommendation of former Marine - E-5 or higher - or Spec Ops soldier works as well.)

By Jason

August 4, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

“But you could see she had curves (not even so much breasts just a waist and hips) — And that’s all it takes…”

So you check out your sister-in-law’s body, too? Kinda hypocritical.

By Jimbo I

August 4, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Well, when Queen Victoria went to the beach, God save the Queen, her attendants held a tent over her as she swam in her one piece woolen swim suit.

I hear the Mohammedans of the middle east cover their women with an Abaya or further east with a burqa.. perhaps that will stop the looks.

If you want to buy American, look to the Mormons for fashion ideas.

If you want people to treat your “little girl” like a little girl, stop letting her dress like a woman. It’s getting too hard to tell the difference. I don’t care if the little girl is your daughter or your sister-in-law.

By George

August 4, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

“When we shop for clothes we make are careful to make sure the outfits are age appropriate. ”

Thank you Gwinnett Mom, seems like you are one of the very few Parents in Atlanta with a lick of sense.

Whoa! “First, I’m resolute regarding her wardrobe. No micro-mini’s and low-cut shirts. Basically, anything from Ambercrombie is likely a no-no. Stay strong in the face of accusations of “ruining her life” or being “so unfair”. In fact, I freely admit to both in order to avoid the “yes you are, no I’m not loop”.

Thank you Fat Tony, That makes two concerned parents.

By MOT

August 4, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

The baby of 10 is a girl, after 6 boys in a row. She is now turning 14. When she turned 12, even around 11 when her perky butt started forming, she started getting looks from the kids at the pool - in her ONE piece suit. At 12 we were buying school supplies and the 20 something male clerk asked her what high school she went to, when she told him she was going into the 6th grade, he got red as a beet. There had also been a freaky older guy following us around in the store. Since then she gets asked what college she goes to several times. She is tall-5”7, long dark thick hair, I do not allow her to wear makeup yet, one piece swim suits with no cutouts or cut lows or highs, no low cut shirts, our rule is 4 finger widths from the collar bone, knee length shorts and skirts no belly shows, no cleavage shows, no tight clothes. Yet her rear end is what seems to get the attraction that and her face.

We have talked to her about how to handle all the good and bad attention.

WE are all very protective of her. She has a barrier of 7 older brothers, 4 in the area who have already stepped up and said things to guys who are being disrespectful. It is a great blessing to have them. But they can’t be with her all the time nor can I.

A quick glance or even a lingernig glance in no harm. When it becomes a stare, and learing and the creepy feeling along with it that becomes dangerous and if an opportunity presented itself, something bad might happen with those who make you feel that way. I have taught her to listen to those feelings and gut and always stay around other people.

If we are out with her I have no problem saying hey, she is only 13. Or if I can’t say anything, I or my husband or her brothers will block the view. Creeps are becoming more and more bold, and parents who do not recognize that even though it is not RIGHT, how their daughter dresses most certainly does play a part in how they may be perceived and treated. And yet even with total cover up short of a tent over her, a girl can still elicit inappropriate stares.

As for the young man, yes as that young lifeguards mom, I would have spoken up. As I said, I had 7 boys, and we heard stories all the time of their experiences: when the oldest worked at the Omni at the age of 16, drunk older women would proposition him!!! Oh I so badly wanted to get my hands on them!!! And they have all had similar experiences where women are not shy at all about letting their desires be known! One of my sons plays football, and he has had women..not teens, but women in their 30’s and beyond come up and feel his arms and shoulders!!!! I have had to coach him as well.

As for the situation with the sister in law, on the beach. If it was that bad, I thnink I would have stopped, stayed put and had my husband run back a towel or somethning to cover up with.

I believe what you described and I believe she was modestly dressed. Because I have seen it with my own eyes.

What I also observe is that parents of these young ladies or young men seem to enjoy that kind of attention their children garner and many do not do anythning about it and that is equally disturbing!!!!

By Kathy A.

August 4, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

I have 2 beautiful daughters, ages 17 & 15. Yes, they get looked at but we do not let them dress like streetwalkers or go out alone at night. They always carry cellphones just in case, heaven forbid.When I read the 9:50AM post by “Different Slant” I realized that my husband & I, AND the rest of you ought to be thankful. Our daughters are healthy, normal & beautiful. They have happy, love-filled lives to look forward to. If males DIDN’T look at them, THEN we’d have something to worry about. What about “DS’s” daughter? She’ll most likely be alone & hated forever, because of something she can’t help. Who will she have when her parents are gone?

By Rexy

August 4, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

The real solution to this is to stop objectifying other people. Just because you think someone is attractive doesn’t make it an open invitation to treat them as if they only exist for your personal pleasure. We all need to realize that the pretty girl or hot guy are real people just like ourselves, and should be treated with the same respect and courtesy we expect to be treated with.

By Jimbo I

August 4, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Kat, your analogies don’t make any sense.

Banks keep their cash protected by multiple layers of strong security. A two piece bathing suit doesn’t count as multiple layers or security.

If a guy is walking around after sunset with a wad of cash in his hand he is asking to get mugged.

If your shooting victim is wearing a red bandanna in a blue bandanna neighborhood he is asking to get shot.

When you go into the world you have the ability.. ok, some people have the ability, to figure out how to take risks into account and act accordingly. They put their money in a vault, or they don’t wave their money around, or they wear the right color bandanna or avoid bad neighborhoods. Sure, sometimes they still don’t manage to mitigate their risks and sure sometimes a woman wearing a burqa will get stared at.

The world is never going to shape itself to your demands, you may as well surrender now… and stop making stupid analogies.

By Amy in the ATL

August 4, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

The vast majority of heterosexual men will look at an attractive female walking by. I think it’s something hard wired into their psyche. However, there is a big difference between looking at an attractive girl (especially one significantly younger than you) and leering at her. I was a lifeguard as a teenager and college student, and wore a conservative 2 piece uniform to work. While most of the men who came to the pool would probably glance over discreetly, I did have a couple of nasty men who would just sit and ogle me all day…stare without looking away, focus on certain body parts, lick their lips, etc. And no, I certainly did not want or invite that kind of attention.

In our culture, we too often assume that a girl “asked” for unwanted attention. Sure, there are definitely plenty of girls who invite stares by the way that they dress, but the nasty, nasty old men don’t really seem to care how you’re dressed. I think it’s more of a way that they can exert some kind of power over an attractive girl that would never be interested in them by making her feel uncomfortable. So based on that notion, the best way to handle it is to pretend they aren’t there. Those nasty men are pathetic loser nobodies and should be treated as such. So Theresa, I would tell my sister-in-law to hold her head up high, and know that she is just so much better than they ever will be and not to pay them a lick of attention.

By Jimbo I

August 4, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Also, some of these parents describing their kids is creepier than any person staring at them.

By george hussein washington

August 4, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

DOING A MOM AND DAUGHTER TOGETHER IS A LOT OF FUN….

By Deb

August 4, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Amy in the ATL, sorry but I was hurt & offended by some of your comments. As the mom of a very sweet but scrawny, unpopular 16 year old boy, I wasn’t very happy to see your comments about pathetic loser nobodies who aren’t as good as attractive people (girls) who are “better” than him because they look a certain way & that because he’s not a GQ model, he deserves to be treated like dirt. My son was raised to respect women. He doesn’t leer or make sexist comments. You need to get over yourself, lady! Gee, in 20 years when you’re old & saggy, would you want the world treating YOU like a “pathetic, loser nobody”?

By new mom

August 4, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

I find it sad that many of the “men” on this blog keep trying to deflect the responsibility to the girls, when we all know that guys do this sort of leering regardless of what they are wearing.

I’ve said before that my husband and I have been youth workers in local churches for 10 years, and we both tried to help both the girls and guys learn how to handle situations like this. I tried to help the girls understand why they should be modest and even set the example of how to behave when people made comments to me in front of them!

But my husband also worked with the teenage boys in learning how to treat a girl/lady with respect. (somehow I haven’t read much about this so far!) He taught the boys to imagine themselves, in 10-15 years, getting married to the girl of their dreams. How much he loves her, how he will do anything in the world for her, and how he will want to protect her. Then he would say to them, “You most likely won’t meet her for many years, but she’s out there, and hopefully the boys and men in her life are treating her with respect. And that girl you know is some other guy’s future wife—she deserves your respect, just like your future wife does. Treat her the way you hope the boys in your future wife’s life are treating her!”

By Richard

August 4, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

This is something I will never understand. When I was 16, I was attracted to 16 years olds. What is it about a man aging that makes people think he should no longer be attracted to that? As a grown man, I am able to maintain self control and not do anything illegal, but if I see a 16 year old fully developed hottie playing beach volleyball, I’m thinking how nice it would be to still be 16 and get some of that….not, oh look how cute the kids are playing ball. Face it folks, most men have a “look dont touch” rule when it comes to teens. For women…i dunno…from the talk I hear, women are MUCH more likely to have sex with a teen boy than a man would with a girl. Probably because teen boys are much more likely to take the opportunity and be glad for it !

By Jeff

August 4, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

new mom:

If you dress in what I would call ‘comfortable’ clothes, most things that men would be drawn to would be mostly hidden/ minimized.

Take, for example, my own body. My stomach sticks out further than many women’s breasts. Obviously, this is something I try to hide. And I do it quite well - most people that see me would NEVER thing that I am so fat!

HOW do I do it? Loose, airy clothes. EXTREMELY comfortable and quite fashionable, but they also hide that gut! (And every single shirt I buy is widely available at Goody’s/Kohl’s/Walmart!!)

By Kat

August 4, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Jimbo, I’m surprised you even know a big word like “analogy”. The point, which you missed entirely, is that just because someone else has something, you are not entitled to it just because you see it or want it. The level of security surrounding it has no bearing on whether you have some imaginary right to it.

By Stand Tall

August 4, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

My daughter is 16 years old, just turned that age in May. To the unwitting observer, she could pass for 23 or 24 years of age. I am always catching fools and idiots staring or leering at her and it is a constant struggle. My biggest concern is the way she dresses. She hasn’t matured enough to understand ALL men have evil and devious, sexual intentions. All of her friends look younger, ans subsequently dress like the teeny boppers like to dress nowadays. (not in favor of booty shorts and huggers… for the record..) I have tried to instill the values and morals I had growing up in a house full of men, but this is a lot harder to get her to understand when she dresses like this FOR this reason!!! I have removed more than one of these creeps from her line of sight, only to have another stalk us all the way back to our HOUSE!!! I am 6’5 and around 260 lbs. For fear of spending lengthy time behind bars for smacking some young punk with my pimp hand, I have had to learn that the world is just full of these deviants and that she is going to always struggle with creeps for as long as she is alive…or until she matures and gets that wearing these types of things and acting the way she does, does NOT HELP the situation. How many times have I said ..”there is no way you are walking out of the house looking that way..”.. only to have her get away with it by hiding it under less revealing clothes. I will just have to hope she makes the right choices….. it’s always a struggle!!!

By Earl

August 4, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

I get the same thing from smokin’ hot babes looking at my big box wishing their husbands were packing as mush as I am. The Alpharetta women stare the most. I feel cheap and used when this happens to me.

By MyOpinion

August 4, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

When I was 14, I appeared to be 18-19. My mother did not allow me to wear any bottoms above mid thigh nor any tops that were strapless and/or above the navel. I had a one piece swim suit that covered everything except my upper back (I’m 22 and I’ve had the same swim suit for the past 8 years, because I can still fit it and do not go swimming often enough to wear the material out). With the exception of when I was in the water I usually wore a wrap/dress to cover up. Yet I was still approached because I was a C-cup (natural), with a little stomach, hips, and a butt. I could deal with the staring, and even the the leering, but the approaching made me nervous. So if they approached, I told them I was jail bait, if they continued to try to talk, I would find the closest relative with me and group up, so if they approached again they would know that I am not alone.

As mentioned before, my mother did not allow me to show too much skin. No matter who bought it, everything had to be approved by her, or I did not wear it. This past weekend I went shopping during the tax free holiday. I looked in the juniors section and I could not find one pair of jeans that were not low rise or skinny (extremely fitted) jeans. Most shirts were made to fit like a second skin (even the polos). If a shirt was loose fitting it had a low or plunging neck line which showed too much cleavage. I’m not going to even start on the swim suits, although I will say I saw a few swim suits that covered more than some of the clothing offered.

How can parents prevent their children from looking like a sluts-in-training when junior fashion makers are making clothes with adults in mind?

By pjay

August 4, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

It’s unfortunate that many of the comments are focused on those teens who are dressing to get the attention. That’s not question because they do so TO GET ATTENTION. The original comment was the girl was modestly dressed at the beach, not walking down Peachtree. For those girls who don’t dress like hookers, always being stared at can negatively effect a girl’s self esteem. I grew up being stared at by older guys and it always made me feel creepy, like it was my fault. And no, I didn’t dress like a hooker, just regular clothes. Do you have any idea what goes thru the mind of a 12 yr old when some 30+ guy is always trying to pick you up? As a result, I learned to never wear anything that fit; baggy pants, big shirts because I hated the attention. And yes, there’s a huge difference between a look and leering. My 15 yr old doesn’t dress like a hooker with short skirts, booty shorts with words written on the butt, or makeup, but she still gets the stares because she is a beautiful shapely girl. I tell her, unless they step out of line, to ignore the looks and if they step out of line, that your mom’s a lawyer and will send them to JAIL.

By DB

August 4, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

Surprise, surprise — guys actually LOOK at girls. Shocking! And, it will come as a shock to many that girls look at guys, too!

My daughter is 17. She’s been given dozens and dozens of business cards over the years, from “photographers” and “model agents”. She just smiles, says “Thank you!” and tosses ‘em away. We discussed in several years ago, when she was 10 or 11, and she decided she wasn’t interested in modeling, because — her words — “it’s too superficial, no one cares how smart you are, it’s just how you comb your hair. That’s dumb.” She does not dress in a provocative manner. She’s learned to avoid certain gas stations when she’s by herself, because she doesn’t choose to expose herself to Hispanic hooting and leering. It’s something that almost any reasonably attractive young woman learns to deal with as she grows up. Let’s face it, most cases of testosterone poisoning would look at ANY girl, no matter what she was wearing. Blaming a girl for a guy looking at her slaps a little bit of blaming a rape victim for wearing a miniskirt. Guys need to learn how to be discreet, y’know? Oogling is poor form.

When she and a friend were 12 years old, they were at the beach, being followed at a discreet distance by the friend’s father, to give the illusion of independence. They were wearing shorts and a t-shirt, yet they still attracting the attention of a group of moronic mid-teen boys, who began to follow them, making all sorts of suggestive comments like “I’d like to have me some of that!” variety. One had a laser pointer, and, unknown to the girls, starting drawing suggestively on her rear. Imagine his surprise when her father — all 6’3” and 260 lbs. of him — gently clapped his hand on his shoulder, leaned over and whispered, “That’s MY daughter you’re pointing that at, boy” I think the kid almost died on the spot. :-) Later, the father wryly commented that he wished the girls’ t-shirt had said, “I’m 12 years old and my father is 20 feet behind me!”

It’s not just guys, either. My son is 19 and a lifeguard this summer, and he was alternately embarrassed and flattered at the supposedly private comments the moms at the pool make about him. Do they think that he’s deaf, just because he’s sitting four feet up in the air?! Sound carries over water, ladies! As he said, “I had NO idea MOMS talked like that!!”

By Rudy

August 4, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

I too have a beautiful 18 year old daughter and she receives stares, leers, cat calls, etc. She has actually been asked for sex to her face. To her credit, her first love is Jesus Christ and her second is telling people about everlasting life through Him. She has relayed several stories about her completely disarming men with a friendly response that includes her request to let her share the Lord with them. She and I both know she could be in danger by engaging them at all…and I worry. However, she is determined to continue responding to these cretins in her special way. Oh, by the way she is fluent in spanish and is a third degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do.

By lovelyliz

August 4, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Burkhas for every female seems to be the suggestion from most on this post.

By new mom

August 4, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

Jeff, I think you missed my point (or perhaps I didn’t do well at explaining it!)

Girls should be able to wear clothes that are their appropriate size without getting leered at. I don’t disagree that many girls wear clothes that leave little to the imagination, and parents really need to take more control in that area. But I still don’t think that gives men (“grown” men, especially) the right to stare. Most of the girls I worked with wore clothes that were age and size appropriate. They shouldn’t have to dress in clothes way too big, just to hide themselves from a man’s stare. (And many men stare at our faces, into our eyes—how do you hide that with comfortable clothes?)

I think that’s where boys and men should take some responsibity for their actions. I’ve learned a lot about guys from being married to one! My husband explained, years ago, how guys are visual creatures—it used to really bother him when someone else ‘checked me out’ in front of him (I am usually oblivious!) But now he will tell me ‘hey that waiter sure did smile at you’! He’s now able to handle it better. But to his credit, he also has taken responsibility of his own actions to this extreme—when a victoria secret commercial comes on, he will completely turn his head away from the tv until it’s over. When he started doing this years ago, I asked him why? He said that he didn’t want to have the picture in his head of any other woman in their underwear. I bet most men would think he’s crazy, but he’s trying to protect his mind and keep his heart in the right place.

By SuperMommy

August 4, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

I had this happen to me as a young teenager and adult, where I could not walk down the street without ill mannered idiots trying to get my attention, I thought I was cursed. I ignored them, but found it odd, when I was with my parents they were silent. I now have 2 daughters and I must say I have caught men staring at them at the mall (ages 5 & 7). We have to raise them right & tell them they are strong smart women who do not need to dress scantily and if they do they might attract the wrong attention. Also if I heard someone taunting them, I think that might be worth catching an assault case for!

By Mom of Four

August 4, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this

I think this presents the perfect opportunity to educate our little girls about boys/men. Don’t stick your head in the sand about it. Have a very open and frank discussion with your child.

My daughter is 13, 5’5” and 130lbs. I’m actually jealous of her shape! When men stare, that’s my time to prepare my child for how this world really is before she winds up on some show on NBC like “To Catch a Predator”.

By JeremiahWright

August 4, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

Sorry, but a “two piece”, by definition, is not modest. It’s a bikini. If you want modest, wear a one piece. Now, I’m not complaining though because I’m a dude, and I love looking.

By nurse&mother

August 4, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

Whoever (Jeff’s name is ringing a bell) says that you cannot find a modest two piece bathing suit needs to visit lands end!!I just bought one and I don’t want to show any skin on my stomach.

By Richard

August 4, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

Agree. A two piece is not modest.

By jack

August 4, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

Damn, Stand Tall. If ALL men are evil and devious, why did you ever have a child? Just trying to find out which side of the hypocrisy fence you stand on.

If I see a woman pretty enough to “attract” my vision I will generally look long enough to determine her approximate age, if she’s wearing a wedding ring, etc. At that point if she appears too young or is wearing that ring, pfftt…I’ve got other things to look at. No harm, no foul.

If that amount of time it takes me to make that determination (generally a couple of seconds depending on distance and angle) makes you uncomfortable as a parent/guardian, tough crap.

You got something to say to me from your intolerant and narrow view…bring it.

By John

August 4, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

“Men are pigs. Thanks to our “culture” this is how women are treated…like objects. You reap what you sow. I still get ogled to this day by disgusting men…it’s never an attractive man….always fat pervs, mexicans, rednecks, or gangbangers.”

It is biological! Men are not PIGS any more than women are. If it had been some young attractive male that would have been ok? The fact is that people are simply following biological programming without applying any considerate thought. If you will recall, 100 years ago it was very common for a girl of her age to be married and children on the way. Accept it for what it is, the girl is attractive and she will attract all moths to the flame, not just the atractive young “non-pervy” ones. Did you all fail biology? grow up. If you are bothered by it, dress more modestly, otherwise provide adequate support and supervision to prevent unwanted interlopers.

By Drew

August 4, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

You can look but you can’t touch. I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m sure I’ll feel differently if I have a daughter one day, but I hope I’ll think back to the days when I may have stolen a fleeting glance at a “not quite old enough” girl. In the end, I think there is a big difference between a man noticing a young girl maturing into a woman and an adult that is a full-blown pedophile.

By Amy in the ATL

August 4, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

Deb, you missed my point. I’m not calling your son (or anyone else who isn’t a model) pathetic losers, I’m calling that 40 year old creep ogling the 16 year old girl a loser. Which he is. This is a behavior based statement, not something based on looks.

By MoutainDawg

August 4, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

SuperMommy, two of my kids are 5 & 7 (5 year old’s a girl) & if you’ve seriously caught anyone leering at a child that age, then that SOB is a serious piece of trash predator. I’m 6’8, 300 lbs & if some dirtbag gave an inappropriate stare/leer at any of my kids….well, somebody would need to be calling LifeFlight soon after. I pull no punches (literally) when it comes to defending my family!

By JeremiahWright

August 4, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

Until girls of any age (except for the obviously very young or old) shave their heads, stop wearing perfume, and wear heavy, baggy sweaters on the beach, they’ll get ogled. Get used to it. Come to think of it, not wearing perfume won’t deter us. Better cover yourself in poop.

By Richard

August 4, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

Our “culture” or oversexualizing women is created and fostered by WOMEN. Women consumers are responsible…not men. Women are the ones who create the marketplace for overly sexual clothes and women buy clothes for their tots to wear. Years ago, women started wearing things on the beach….they could have said “no” but sales kept going up along with community standards going down and allowing thongs to be worn in public. Now, if a girl is wearing a two piece suit that is NOT a thong, it is considered “modest”. That same two piece, in 1970, was considered scandalous and sexy. Times have changed, but women are at fault, not men.

By RJ

August 4, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

My daughter has always had a “rump” as many put it from a very young age. She is a gorgeous brown young lady with a tiny waist and a well endowed bottom. Yes, I see men staring. My ten year old son commented on it one day. I stare back and just keep walking.

By Teresa B.

August 4, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

Interesting topic. I have a 15 yr old daughter who looks older due to her developed body. Combine this with her pretty face and she gets a lot of unwanted attention in public.

In places like Target and Publix, I’ll notice men turning around or walking in front of her just so they can check her out (especially in the summer). And it’s not like she’s wearing skimpy outfits…just normal tank tops, shorts, jeans, etc. This is Georgia..not Alaska..so she’s not going to wear a sweatshirt and baggy jeans in the summer.

By Richard

August 4, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

The “normal” tank tops and shorts that girls wear today to school would NEVER have been tolerated when I went to school. Besides, the “unwanted” attention is mixed in with “desired” attention. The girls learn at an early age how to get attention and they want it…but only from desirable men. You can’t get that though. Men of all ages and all sizes will check out a nice pair of tatas on display and check out a girl wearing shorts with all but one inch of thigh showing.

By PicPlz

August 4, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

Post a picture of your sister in law so I can judge if this was appropriate at all

Thx

management

By JJ

August 4, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

I know of a woman, who actually allowed her 12 year old daughter to wear skimpy outfits, push up bras, micro skirts/shorts, high heels, makeup etc. Then she would go and drop her daughter off at the mall……..and she wonders where she went wrong, and her 14 year old now has a 1 year old baby. and they are on government support.

By patiently waiting

August 4, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

Theresa, what’s the name and location of the daycare that your children went too?

By kw

August 4, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

well i am 21 yrs old and i am not a usual looking girl. I have big green eyes an for an african american this is not normal. I get stared at all the time and it creeps me out.. although i know it is because of my eyes, it still scares me and sometimes makes me uncomfortable about going places alone. i get all types of men staring and coming up to me at any given time and of course it scares the crap out of my parents. so my advice is to do your best to ignore it because there is nothing you can do to stop them from looking, give them the evil eye and continue on about your day..

By Duh

August 4, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

JJ, did you ever wonder that that woman deliberately sent her 12-year-old daughter to the mall dressed like a hooker so the girl can, er, generate some income for the household, if you get my drift? Well, the next best thing happened..welfare money! Hmm, wonder what ethnic group these folks are…???

By Shoshannah

August 4, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

My family & I are Orthodox Jews. We have 3 daughters, ages 16, 14 & 11. Our religion dictates modesty in attire & demeanor. Well, let me tell you, none of my girls has EVER been leered at, stared at or otherwise treated with any lack of respect.

By SB

August 4, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

You can’t do a whole lot about someone looking at your teenage daughter. I have a teenage daughter. And grown men do look at her when we are together and, I’m sure, when we’re not. And, my daughter doesn’t dress provocatively nor does she appear to invite the attention. We can’t do whole lot about grown men acting foolishly; especially since it’s not legally a crime even if it is morally criminal. But we can teach our daughters self-respect and class. We can teach them how important they are; how smart they are; and how awesome they are and will be. And that none of these qualities has not a thing to do with how they look. It has everything to do with who they really are. And then we hope and pray that the tools we arm them with will help them to make good decisions and smart choices.

By Becky

August 4, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

JJ, sounds like a former co worker..He thought his 14 year old daughter was pregnant, then when they found out, they wouldn’t put her on the pill..THEY were afraid that if people found out she was on the pill, they would know that she was having sex?? This girl wound up having 3 children by 3 different men by the age of 20 & by the age of 22, all 3 children had been taken away from her..

By JJ

August 4, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

Duh Surprisingly, they are white. But the Mom is a crack ‘ho.

I don’t know if she was “generating income”, but I do know that they are now homeless, and the mom is a grandmother, and she isn’t even 40 yet……

By A. Nony Mouse

August 4, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

I am 43 and guys still stare and act goofey. I just laugh it off. Especially if they are young enough to be my son. A 13 year old just learning who she really is might not know how to handle it.
Yes hispanic men can be more vocal and agressive. That culture is very much for and about the mans wants and needs.

duh your comment was uncalled for and out of line.

By momof4

August 4, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

Modest and two-piece cannont be used in the same sentenece together. Girls who are really modest wear a one piece or a tankini that cover their belly. Since my teen is gorgeous-size 0 ballerina body-she’s also required to wear a swim skirt when out in public. If you don’t want men to stare, don’t advertise-sorry!

By Duh

August 4, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

Awww, I’m SO sorry. What was I thinking?? Freedom of speech is a horrible thing. We must all walk on eggshells because we don’t know what might offend any given person at any given time. We must protect the delicate sensibilities of the politically correct. If there are problems in this society, they can’t be acknowledged because that might (gasp horror!) HURT someone’s fragile feelings.

By Ash

August 4, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

I keep seeing references to ethnicities. What the heck does that have to do with anything. There are men of all races that are skeevy, not just Hispanics and Blacks. In fact, I dare to say that Hispanics and Blacks may be a little more vocal when they’re younger, but as they get older, they show a great respect towards women. Caucasian men, on the other hand, can be creepy and quiet about their admiration as they get older, giving off a socially awkward, inappropriate vibe. Race is not a a factor in this.

I’m 24, so I’ve been looked at by men for the last 10- 13 years. Doesn’t matter what I’m wearing, whether it’s jeans and a t-shirt or a swimsuit. Men are visual. You just have to train your daughters to respect themselves and not let those stares affect them or their self-esteem. Just cause the old man on the subway looks at you, don’t let your head get big about it.

I’ve also found that ignoring men goes a long way. Sure, they may yell ugly things when they don’t get a response, but they WILL leave you alone. And for younger guys, I just ask them if they’d like someone to speak to their sister that way. That usually shuts them up!

By Duh

August 4, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

By the way, A. Nony Mouse, I’m Latina but you don’t see ME getting bent out of shape about you saying Hispanic men are aggressive. Can’t legislate feelings & opinions, y’ know!

By Nikita

August 4, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

I am glad to see this being addressed. Truly, this phenomenon of men leering at young girls is really nothing new. Admittedly, there are some young girls who look older than their age via their expressions, make up or facial features. However, it is not like men do not see women in states of undress at all times of the day… so why do they pretend that it is something so new? Seeing that some men are using the excuse that they are not really aware as to the age of the young lady, those guys who are not trying to be “creepy” or look like a possible pedophile would be wise to consider the fact that she may indeed be younger than she looks in the first place. Seems like common sense to me since it seems to be a commom age misconception. Second, there are some guys who could care less if the girl is 11 with a baby face that anyone within a 10-10 mile radius can see she is indeed a child though her body has matured. Men need to deal with that fact too and understand taht when the “good” guys don’t watch their behavior it gives the creeps the right to continue with their possible harmful behavior. Hey it is normal, right? LOL. What it boils down to basically is that SOME men not being able to control their… for lack of a better word… lust despite the fact that female flesh is everywhere to be viewed. Try not to stare fellas… look and move on, there is another pretty girl coming. Even if the lady is of age and thinks you are cute, freaking her out is not gonna get you closer to her. Trust me staring like a stalker is not the way to get close to her. You are SCARING her. No Joke. Also, guys, consider the fact that someone could be staring your neice, daughter or god daughter down in a blatantly sexual way that is simply … creepy. To say that women should not be comfortable with their bodies is ridiculous. Again, men can see women in states of undress all day in any magazine, on the street etc. Yes, I beleive in modesty, but some of you guys are just outrageous with your behavior and YOU ARE aware that you are out of control. Some of you need to examine why you ENJOY the young lady’s apparent discomfort when she notes you are staring? Be a MAN and do not keep using the excuse that you are one as a reason to continue your behavior. If the girl/young lady looks like she is about to scurry, or if an older adult looks at you like you are disgusting put your eyes back in your head. Grab a Victoria Secret or any of the other many magazines that are out there and enjoy. She probably IS too young for you. Deal with it.

By Herbert

August 4, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this

mmmmmm…Girls?…who needs ‘em.

When I’m getting the paper from the muscly armed paper boy I always have to stare. Then I invite him in for a glass of wine and some tylenol PM…mmmmm…what’s going on in my pants?

By A. Nony Mouse

August 4, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

Duh I was married to a hispanic man and my daughter is of Mexican decent.

By A. Nony Mouse

August 4, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

Duh I was married to a hispanic man and my daughter is of Mexican decent. By the way I am white. If it matters!

By A-Parent

August 4, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Theresa,

I’m with you. I have a 13 year old and it happens all the time. I get highly offended and often think of what I would do, if one of them appeared at my door.

The same thing happens with our young men and appears to be just as big of a problem.

I have a 30 year old neighbor that I have to keep my eyes on, because he seems to invest in looking at young girls.

I feel sorry for his wife. Plus, I have alerted my other neighbors with teenage daughters.

Also, they would stare if she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. It doesn’t matter……

By Duh

August 4, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Our (Mexican) men are acclimated to leering at women, it’s the culture, but (& I’m not bragging, this is the truth), they’re also very very family oriented. My husband is as Latino as I am & he’s the best husband & dad we can ask for. He’d never let any daughter of ours go out in public in some of the outrageous get-ups described on this blog

By Amy in the ATL

August 4, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

I hope all the guys who take this so nonchalantly have a teenage daughter of their own one day so they can fully appreciate the difference between someone noticing an attractive girl and acting as if they would like to come over, club you over the head and take you back to their cave.

Yes, guys will look. It’s natural. And even if that attractive girl is wearing very modest clothes, they will still look. Just witness the whole Catholic School Girl phenomenon. The number of guys who go nuts over knee socks and flannel skirts (even those not hiked up) is crazy. So you can’t just blame the girls.

However, there is a big difference between noticing a girl (or woman) and spending an inordinate amount of time staring at her in an obvious way. If you can’t control your impulse to do that, perhaps it’s you, and not that teenage girl, who shouldn’t be allowed out in public.

By A. Nony Mouse

August 4, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

Duh, I will give you that almost every hispanic man I ever knew was very family oriented and were good fathers. I just got a dud.

By Billy Bob

August 4, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

Orwell would have described the issue of “leering too long” as a thoughtcrime. Men want sex as badly as a crackhead wants crack. If there is no catcalling or groping then just accept it for what it is…human nature.

By new mom

August 4, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

This is really bothering me: I keep coming back to the fact that some of this looking/staring/leering is happening to CHILDREN by ADULTS. No matter what the CHILDREN (under 18) are wearing, how old they look, etc., they are still CHILDREN. However, some of the comments I have read by men show that they are not real MEN after all. As an adult, it is our responsiblity to be the more mature one and to be in control of our actions. Do you guys not think your ‘innocent looks’ could harm developing girls, who are trying to figure out their own identity?

Your ‘biology’ arguments are just sad excuses for immature behavior. Remember, you are the ADULT. Grow up and be responsible for your own actions, especially when they could do harm to a child.

By Duh

August 4, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Well, better luck next time. I’d dated some real duds too, the type that some of the other bloggers were describing as that real obnoxious, aggressive type. There’s good & bad in every ethnicity but I think we’re all aware of the negative stereotypes which, unfortunately, are based in truth to at least some degree.

By Different Slant

August 4, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Why hasn’t the other side of the coin been addressed by mentioning that the mean, hateful looks given to disfigured/”ugly” teen girls are just as traumatizing & harmful, if not even more so? Oh! Wait! I just figured it out! Who CARES about ugly girls? Their feelings don’t count.

By lovelyliz

August 4, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

There’s a big difference between a male noticing a 16 year old female, surgically enhanced DD Cup, walking around downtown ATL at noon on a Tuesday, wearing nothing but a string bikini and 6 inch stilettos and an adult man leering/ogling at a reasonable/modest 2 piece swim suit at the beach.

If you don’t know the difference, I wouldn’t want you around any 16-year-old girl or my 35-year-old sister for that matter.

By Gawker

August 4, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

Sounds like you are JEALOUS that YOU’RE not getting the looks because you’re fat-a*-ugly! It’s not illegal to stare or look. I’m sure you stare at accidents or the homeless. Oh yeah…EVERY guy and woman that takes a good long look at her wants to screw her brains out too. Just thought to make you even MORE jealous.

By nurse&mother

August 4, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

@Drew-

I think that distance is shorter than you think, Perv.

Also, I meant to say that Land’s End has modest two pieces as well as not so modest bikinis. You can find tankinis that completely cover up your stomach.

By time out

August 4, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

I think the real problem is that no one was looking at the fat chick. The main reason your sister in law wore the two piece is to be stared at. Sears probably has some bloomers and a nice all cotton blend she could have worn in relative comfort. When are you women going to stop blaming men for all that is wrong with the world? On the flip side I am more offended when fat chicks parade around the pool in my Sub Division, now that should be a jailable offense!

By lovelyliz

August 4, 2008 5:07 PM | Link to this

By Amy in the ATL

I hope all the guys who take this so nonchalantly have a teenage daughter of their own one day so they can fully appreciate the difference between someone noticing an attractive girl and acting as if they would like to come over, club you over the head and take you back to their cave.

While in high school, my sister’s ex-husband was in one of the popular cliques (which would explain why he and my sister are divorced, but that’s another rant). These guys would go after anything attractive and even some of the not so attractive when they needed to, succeeding most of the time if you believe their tales. 25 years later, most of these guys live in the same area, have been married at least once and fathered children. Every one of the gang, and I do mean every one, had daughters and nothing but daughters some of whom are entering high school.

Talk about irony.

By new mom

August 4, 2008 5:09 PM | Link to this

Different Slant, I doubt anyone here is being purposely ‘not caring’ about hurtful looks that a disfigured girl receives…I think most here were just responding to the specific question posed at the start of this blog.

I don’t have any personal experiences that could help your situation, other than that, in general, my advice to adults to grow up and take responsiblity for your actions should apply to those who encounter your daughter as well.

I just reread your first post. Have you considered therapy for your daughter, since it really upsets her? I don’t have any other ideas… I do know that would break my heart.

By lovelyliz

August 4, 2008 5:09 PM | Link to this

There’s a big difference between a male noticing a 16 year old female, surgically enhanced DD Cup, walking around downtown ATL at noon on a Tuesday, wearing nothing but a string bikini and 6 inch stilettos and an adult man leering/ogling at a reasonable/modest 2 piece swim suit at the beach.

If you don’t know the difference, I wouldn’t want you around any 16-year-old girl or my 35-year-old sister for that matter.

By nurse&mother

August 4, 2008 5:12 PM | Link to this

I am very saddened to see so many folks who are only concerned about themselves. I particularly love the comment “looks are not illegal” (or something like that). That says a lot about that person. It is typical of a pervert to blame his/her deviant behavior of the victim. I didn’t realize that the backwoods rednecks could actually read, much less blog.

Yes, I think that there is a fine line between looking and being a pervert/pedophile when an adult man will stare for a prolonged period of time on a girl who is modestly dressed on a beach. I suppose that is why the media has all kinds of stories about adult married men(with families and nice executive jobs) trying to lure young girls for sex. Lots of pedophiles out there.

By Oil Can Boyd

August 4, 2008 5:18 PM | Link to this

This topic totally reminds me of a “Seinfeld” episode called “The Shoes”. Jerry and George get in trouble because they are looking at the cleavage of their boss’s 15 year old daughter:

ELAINE: But she was fifteen.

JERRY: You don’t consider age in the face of cleavage. This occurs on a molecular level, you can’t control it! We’re like some kind of weird fish where the eyes operate independently of the head.

By elanaconda

August 4, 2008 5:37 PM | Link to this

Are your young teens wearing thongs, makeup, heels, piercings? If so. you are encouraging pedophiles. YOU are.

By new mom

August 4, 2008 5:38 PM | Link to this

Oil Can Boyd (what a great name!), I remember that episode too…

But if I remember correctly, George was the only one who got in trouble, he kept staring. Jerry nudged him to look, but then he was at least smart enough to look away!

By HooHaaHaa

August 4, 2008 5:40 PM | Link to this

Heh. I go to college and see enough 18-year olds running around in tops and minis that makes your eyes water and I’m a female. Just a couple of weeks ago a young student was walking across campus in front of me in a knit dress that allowed the very bottom of her butt cheeks to hang out. I wanted to throw my book bag over her rear-end I was so embarrassed for her.

Don’t try to tell me that all of these young girls just “began” dressing like this - some of it had to begin before they hit the campus with mommy’s approval. Braless breasts falling out of low-cut tops and 3 inches of thong showing out of the tops of their pants. How dare they think that most males won’t at the very least gawk, stare, while some make cat calls. And the words “juicy”, “sweet”, and “delicious” splayed across their bottoms is just begging for trouble. Sorry, but that’s the way it is. Dress like a hooker and you’ll probably be treated like one, right, wrong, or indifferent.

By RJones

August 4, 2008 5:44 PM | Link to this

Does your young teen wear thong panties, make up, crop tops, have piercings? Does she have uncontrolled comp and cel phone access? Then you are encouraging pedohiles.*You * are.

By Time Out

August 4, 2008 5:54 PM | Link to this

If you are so concerned about men staring at your sister in law. You should make her wear a sign attached to her swimsuit with her age on it. It is the least you can do to prevent men from staring at a young lady in a public place, because all men have this innate ability to just know the age of a young lady.

By Some Men Should Be Shot

August 4, 2008 6:01 PM | Link to this

You can DISCREETLY admire someone without being obvious. Clearly people who stare were raised by wolves. Doesn’t matter what people wear, no one deserves to be disrespected. That’s like blaming an abuse victim for being abused.

By Why are Women Being Blamed?

August 4, 2008 6:04 PM | Link to this

Why are women blamed for when MEN behave badly? Is it a rape victim’s fault when a perpeptrator assaults her? Are children to blame for pedophiles bad behavior? Maybe if you are mugged, it’s all your fault, too!

By I am sick of people on this blog

August 4, 2008 6:07 PM | Link to this

Is it your fault if someone decides to cut you off in traffic? Is it your FAULT if your home is broken into? Then why is it a teen’s fault if an adult leers at them? Aren’t adults responsible for their own behavior?

By Radical

August 4, 2008 6:09 PM | Link to this

Why don’t we put teen girls in burkas—the head to to caftan that women wear in Saudia Arabia? Then perhaps men can control themselves.

By SCY

August 4, 2008 6:47 PM | Link to this

I think parents should be more conscious of the world we live in…with all the predators and so forth, it never ceases to amaze how children younger and younger are dressing more and more skimpy. While it may be harmless…the pedophiles out their may have less than kind intentions

By booboo

August 4, 2008 6:48 PM | Link to this

I’d do ‘er.

By booboo

August 4, 2008 6:48 PM | Link to this

I’d do ‘er.

By Karen

August 4, 2008 6:56 PM | Link to this

I think manners need to be taught in churches and schools since some parents fail to raise children to be respecful adults.

By John

August 4, 2008 7:30 PM | Link to this

People who don’t want strangers looking at thieir kids are just jealous since no one has ever looked at them.

By Jane

August 4, 2008 7:51 PM | Link to this

There are a lot of perverts out there. Chris Hansen has made a career of outing them on prime time television. The man was wrong to stare, regardless of how the girl was dressed (although, a bikini at the beach was appropriate for the situation). Unfortunately, the only thing you can change is how she responds.

By peachy

August 4, 2008 8:28 PM | Link to this

I suffered horribly for years from unwanted attention, groping, and at one point, from being molested by men who took advantage of my naievete (spelling?); and I was raised in a conservative Christian home. I am wiser now, but I still get stared at, and I HATE IT.

My little girl is very pretty and charismatic, and I worry that no matter what, men will stare. I just hope the lessons I’m teaching her about inner beauty and self-respect will stick, and she’ll stare back at those pervs or be brave enough to say, “I’m too young and you’re too creepy” or something equally witty.

By FCM

August 4, 2008 8:37 PM | Link to this

@MOT I feel really feel for your daughter. My fathers family was full of ‘country farm women’ you know the kind that are good for birthing a brood. My cousins and I were all ‘blessed’ (CURSED!) with the hips/tush syndrome you described….My oldest is barely nine and I can already see she will have this malady.

My parents did not allow micro minis or any of that stuff either. In fact I WANTED shorts that covered my @$$ but didn’t look like my mothers shorts to her knees….Old Navy is no help with their ultra low ultra high cut slut shorts. Jeans were just as bad….pretty much everyone in the 80s was still on the Jordache train…you remember? “The look you want to know better” more like the look that could cause trouble. To top it all off I have one leg slightly shorter than the other so have always walked with a ‘sway’ —-“Want some fries with that shake?” Is something I often heard.

I recall a few Braves games where some large black men called by fiancee over…..they told him to take me out of the game fast, some of the drunks in front of them thought they would jump us on the way to Marta…then I could end up at Grady if I were lucky. We always left.

I don’t think there are easy answers to this question. I recall vividly MY DAD nudging my brother to point out some ‘hot’ girl (Dad is a leg man)…..I think my brother was 9 or 10. The woman was like 20 I suppose…..I was MORTIFIED and said something to my Mom and she said “They’re men what can you do?” Fast forward about 10 years so I am 20—-“You can’t wear that! Do you want all the boys looking at you?” (No Mom, just the one my date is with thanks)…..

What happened? I was TERRIFIED of anything that might remotely suggest that I had a figure. I cowed into giving up the boyfriend I loved, and began to stack on the pounds. I can trace much of my eating to various emotional items in my life….Yes, being seen as ‘cute and sexy’ was one of the things that added to my weight.

Interestingly enough in my 30s, overweight and all, I have found that I am an attractive person. Inside and outside. Now I am working hard to shed all those pounds I added so that the sexy confident me can shine.

On the other hand, biologically speaking both the women at the pool, and the men at the beach are behaving as their DNA requires. Man is supposed to want to propogate the species by getting with women. All female animals show their plummage to attract the males. Specifically men are looking for young women of childbearing years. The females are looking to do the same thing….However, they are looking for strong verile men who can protect them and they young. That doesn’t make it right…..We are not the lesser animals, we are capable of discerning right from wrong. Which is why no matter how blue Zac Efron’s eyes are , or adorable Derek (Dancing with the Stars) is….. in the end, I leave them to be posters on my daughters walls.. My fantasies will stay with Christian Bale and other men 30+……although I did put Derek on the List….He can be on the List just not in the daydreams. :o)

BTW my Mom used to get mad at those who oogled her son too. She gave me room as I got to be 17 or so to ‘scope’ out the college boy at the store, but she stayed within yelling distance, and only allowed the house phone to be given out. I believe she did the same with my brother.

By looking

August 5, 2008 7:09 AM | Link to this

Now is the time to get your daughter used to being looked at and help her handle attention both good and bad. Rather than thinking bad of people who see her beauty, help her to be responsible and classy in what she wears and does since because of her beauty she will be looked at.

By baddog

August 5, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

hey it’s a part of life. I remember when guys were out playing ball there were no girl in sight then all of a sudden they would walk by going to the store and kept going back and forth until we looked at them and said something LADIES some of this is your own fault if you dress for attention then you will get attention how many times have Men heard “you don’t show me any attention” I REST MY CASE

By Jason

August 5, 2008 8:31 AM | Link to this

It’s popularly believed that Mary gave birth to Jesus when she was 13. Is God a pervert? How about Joseph, who was 43 at the time?

By brock

August 5, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this

Let me get this straight, every man was looking at your sister in law in a bikini(we know what a 2 piece is, and it’s a bikini). So you want to correct the entire universe of males? All you can do is help the girl herself deal with this fact of life, like say, just ignore it or don’t make eye contact with men. If she does not see the leers, she’s not going to know she’s been “injured”.

The people who talk about dress don’t seem to me to be blaming the “victim”; rather they are saying if you want the girl to have less attention, then insist on more modesty. That’s a parent’s call to make, and if they don’t want to insist on more conservative dress, then don’t complain when she gets more looks.

In GA, a 16 year old is not jail bait, as that is the age of consent. The legislature has made the determination that a 16 yo is capable of making such decisions. It’s a parent’s job to make sure he/she is prepared for the world at large.

By Sarah

August 5, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Some of you think people are staring at your daughters because they are so beautiful, usually this is a parents biased opinion. Are you going to admit your child is plain, ordinary? No. I have been out with males and we have commented on how a young girl looks but it’s not because she is so cute. Usually it’s because mom allowed her to have her hair high-lighted at age ten, she has designer sunglasses on and pants hanging way too low and we are commenting on what a little tramp the girl appears to be, and not how cute she is. Don’t misconstrue stares and assume they’re all good ones, we stare out of disbelief too.

By Jesse's Girl

August 5, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

I gotta say…I’m siding with the guys on this one. I would not allow my daughter to dress in a way that I thought would invite the looks and such. Men are visual creatures…but so are women, just to a lesser extent. I know that when I see a gorgeous man…I look, I notice. I’m not overly obvious about it…but I defintitely linger. It is normal to a certain degree to subconsciencely dress for the other sex…for both men and women. But as parents..or guardians…it is our responsibility to police how our children dress. My daughters are not permitted to wear bikinis. There are tons of very attractive one-peices out there. I will let the boys’ imaginations do the rest…as they are wont to do anyway.

So…if your child is dressing seductively and getting leared at…THEN DO NOT ALLOW HER TO WEAR THE LEAR INDUCING ATTIRE!!!!!

By jtom

August 5, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Sarah, speaking as an older male I would like to echo your post. Most times when I’m looking at a person (of any age, and hopefully I’m being discreet) sex has nothing to do with it. I may be appreciating her beauty, appalled at the attire, or looking at some unusual or interesting feature. If it is a young girl, I might be trying to imagine what she will look like as an adult. If looking at a very pretty young girl, I’m usually thinking: I bet her parents won’t get much sleep when she dates.” More ofter though, it’s been: my gosh, she’s already fat, she’s going to be enormous by the time she’s my age. More and more as I grow older, my thoughts tend to be, “who does she remind me of?”!
Of course leering and oogling girls is rude and offensive, but the original post said “every single man stared at her”. That tells me that either Giarrusso is overly sensitive to every look the girl receives or the girl was dressed provocatively. If I passed them by, I would probably look at the girl and Giarrusso as well, but not in a threatening, distastful, or demeaning way.

By piortaraDaw

January 20, 2009 9:46 AM | Link to this

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By I Don't Deserve This

January 22, 2009 6:09 PM | Link to this

I have never allowed my fourteen year old to dress provocatively. Ever. And she herself is just not the type to even want to dress like that, in spite of her high self esteem. She is very good looking (as I’ve been told several times), and very much developed. She hates make up, and sneezes at anything “girly”.

But why should she dress like a nun when she’s on the beach? I had to convince her to tie up her shirt when she went swimming! I had to CONVINCE her. Yes, she wears shorts and tank tops. But what are you going to wear on a hot day in Florida?

Recently, we have unfortunately been conducting business in Canada for the winter. She wears a bulky winter vest, and a thick, baggy sweater underneath said vest. She wears slightly form-fitting jeans, but they’re mostly covered in dried up mud and grass stains.

Even while wearing all this, as well as a scarf and her glasses, I still catch college men (and older) oggling her. And don’t tell me they’re not oggling. My husband and I could spot those sly smiles a mile away.

But honestly, what can you do? I trust her very much, and I’m always pleased with her reaction. She usually either smiles for the teens and just plain ignores the men. Our family has never blown things like this out of proportion. As a girl growing up in Mexico, I used to get whistled at going through the city. My response to my mom was: “You should really send me more often!” Yes, I find it disgusting when the men old enough to be her father stare, but once again, what can we do? Unless they approach her, we just ignore them. My husband used to joke about getting the shotgun when she turned ten, but we’re all pretty relaxed about it. The only people that are over-protective are her male cousins.

Come on, people. Yes, you can feel like killing the ogglers, sometimes. But they aren’t touching her. And I hope that you all trust your daughters and sons enough to not react badly. If not, then educate them. You can’t stop people from staring, but it’s your duty as a parent to stop them from going any farther.