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July 2008
Did MTV influence what you think is sexy? What about our teens?
A tribute blog to George Michael made me realize how MTV influenced my views of what is sexy. What influenced you? What will our kids/teens decide is sexy?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
(I am on vacation but I left this blog with Keith to run while I am gone because George Michael’s concert is tonight. Keith will be monitoring and responding today.)
A few weeks ago I was feeling down that I am not going to be able to attend the George Michael concert (which is tonight) so I started watching some of his old videos on my computer. I was originally just going to do a blog in tribute to George Michael and walk down memory lane with you ladies. But as I started watching them, I realized a lot of things that I think are sexy came out of his videos — and I’m sure from many of the other things I was seeing on MTV as a teenager.
I was a sophomore in high school when the “Faith” album came out in 1987. It had “Faith,” “Father Figure,” and of course “I Want Your Sex” on it — all pretty sexually explicit stuff especially for back then. (Where was my mother? Why was she letting me watch this stuff?)
What videos influenced your perceptions of what is sexy? And what in the world do our teens think is sexy based on the very graphic videos shown today on MTV? Have you ever discussed that with your teens?
Below, I have links to many of the relevant George Michael videos, as well as my thoughts as I watched them for the first time in years. Feel free to add your own commentary or add links to videos you used to think were sexy!
Main link to George Michael videos.
“Careless Whisper.” He looks so young and a little bit effeminate here. He definitely got a slightly tougher look later. I’m still not clear where he stands sexually — is he gay or bi? I thought he was so hot and just totally did not have a clue he wasn’t completely into girls! Should we have known from the double earrings? Used to love the tennis all-white look, but now wondering what’s up with that? Also, I am wondering about the bed in the opening love scene. It looks like it’s from the “Golden Girls.”
“Faith.” OK, we have to start with his butt in those jeans. It is really a very cute butt. Love the way he shakes it while playing. Also like the holes in the jeans. I believe they are acid wash. Also, his highlights look very good in this video. (Again another clue I totally was not catching!)
“Father Figure.” Love her coat in the beginning and the red lipstick. Became obsessed with garter belts and thigh-high hose from that point on even though I had no one to use them on and was way too young to be thinking about that! Wall sex scene may be better than the one in “Top Gun.” (Remember that one— I know you do!) What’s with the white ribbed T-shirt? Did we think that was sexy then? Now, not so much. This about the third video in a row that he’s wearing the gold cross earring — why?
“I Want Your Sex.” More garter belts — opening scene. I was a sophomore in high school for most of these — way too sexually explicit for a high school kid to be seeing. Where was my mother while I was watching these? Tipper Gore must have been having a heart attack. I’m still not sure that writing monogamy on the naked lady while singing about sex was the best way to convince kids to only be with one partner. Pretty sure they missed that message.
“One More Try.” Kind of a minimalist video. Was he trying to save money? It looks like the set is leftover from the “Faith” video. But I do love this song. He’s just plain hot! Please take note of the boxy jacket in silhouette (very “Miami Vice”).
“Kissing a Fool.” Not necessarily one his bigger hits but one of my favorites. It feels very old-fashioned and classy. Guess what — he can sing as well as “shake his ass.” Plus, he’s sporting the “I want your Sex” video heavy beard. (Are you into the beard or not?)
“Freedom.” Why is he bothering to show a sexy model guy? He’s sexy. We want to see him. Not some random model guy. OK, so wait, there’s some bigger point here I’m just figuring out — he didn’t want to just “shake his ass for the boys at MTV” and that’s why he’s not in the video. Whatever, I want to see him, not these models. I totally forgot he wasn’t in this one at all. Great song, but where’s George?
“Sun Going Down on Me” — with Elton John. Nothing too dated here. George looks great (I like a little more hair on him though) but I do have to wonder about Elton John’s outfit. It looks like he’s wearing drapery brocade. Seriously, check it out!
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Would you put your family through a home renovation?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Theresa is on vacation today. Keith Still is filling in.
When we moved into our house eight years ago, I should have known that the beautiful, two-storey great room wouldn’t last. Open, airy rooms were a selling point for most people at the time, but I could never wrap my head around the idea of all that wasted space.
I began sketching plans for the empty air above my sofas before the first mortgage payment even cleared. Imagine all the things we could do if we just put a floor up there? A few beams, a subfloor, a bit of drywall and voila - usable space! We didn’t need more room at the time, so I eventually put the sketchbook away.
Then our third daughter was born. Two years later, she grew out of diapers and joined her sisters in the “big girl” bathroom. The idea of three stair-step girls jockeying for position in one (very small) bathroom was about as scary as watching The Shining. We now had a reason to renovate - and to do it before puberty hit our house like a bad case of chicken pox.
My “simple” renovations turned into a radical reconstruction that resulted in a new bathroom and loft upstairs for the kids and an improved great room downstairs for all. The results are amazing. Our contractors were creative, detail-oriented and very considerate of the fact that we were living in this mess throughout the demolition and rebuilding phases. (Translation: they worked like mad to minimize the number of weeks we had a big orange dumpster in the driveway, sawdust everywhere, plastic dangling from the ceilings and a gaping hole in our bedroom wall.)
But, there are a few things I would do differently. Mainly, I would have taken our contractor’s advice and moved out during the renovations. It was impossible to maintain normal family life during the process. Nearly every room was affected in some way. During the day, plastic sheets covered all of the furniture. Workers were everywhere. When the kids came home from school, we would head out to find a quiet place for them to do their homework. We couldn’t eat at home because the kitchen was the workers’ headquarters — and there was no place to sit anyway. So we would stay out until everyone left (usually 7:30-8:00 p.m.), then rush the kids home to get ready for bed.
It was stressful; it was majorly disruptive; but in the end, the renovations were worth it. And anything was better than putting our house on the market, looking for a new one and packing/unpacking.
Given today’s market, more and more people who would have just moved house a couple of years ago to get that extra bathroom (or bedroom or more spacious kitchen) are looking closer to their own home for solutions.
Have you ever renovated your house? Was it a major or minor disruption for the family? Did you move out or live amongst the drywall dust? Why did you choose renovating over moving? What advice would you offer families considering going through a renovation? Are you happy you renovated? Or would moving have been easier?
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Are you limiting kids’ cell phone use?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Theresa is on vacation this week. Keith Still will be filling in today and tomorrow.
Not long ago, my seven-year-old daughter and some friends were coloring together. What were they drawing…unicorns? rainbows? family portraits? No, no and no. With a few snips of the scissors and a couple of magic marker lines, they each fashioned their own “cell phones” and walked off to chat with each other. The cell phone has become a kid’s most-coveted accessory, but the potential risk it poses to children is still unknown.
Last week, the director of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute warned 3,000 members of his faculty and staff to limit cell phone use - especially among children — because of possible cancer risks. No studies to date have shown a link between the phones and cancerous tumors, but Dr. Ronald B. Herberman says it takes too long to get answers from science. Children, he says, are at an increased risk because their brains are still developing.
“Really at the heart of my concern is that we shouldn’t wait for a definitive study to come out, but err on the side of being safe rather than sorry later,” Herberman said.
Herberman bases his concerns on early unpublished data looking at how electromagnetic radiation emitted by mobile phones may affect human cells in the brain and central nervous system. Most radiowaves are emitted from a cell phone’s antenna in the handset, and the electromagnetic radiation is strongest at your head when you hold the phone to your ear. Groups in the UK, France and India have also called for limiting children’s cell phone use out of similar concerns.
I’m not a big alarmist, and I’m not sure I believe a link between cell phones and cancer will ultimately be proven. However, I am a parent. And no parent wants to do anything that could put their child’s health or life at risk.
My kids have known for years that the closest thing they’re getting to a mobile phone is that yellow construction paper model - mainly because I don’t see why they would possibly need one any time soon. In fact, I told my rising fifth grader she could make a phone of her own (in any color) the last time she reminded me how many of her 10-year-old friends had real cell phones.
But a lot of kids do have them these days. Even my 7-year-old can list a growing number of friends who carry one. For some families, it’s a status thing. Others have real reasons for giving their young children some way to communicate with Mom or Dad throughout the day.
So what’s a parent to do with warnings like Dr. Herberman’s? Does your child already have a cell phone? Do you make them use hands-free kits (which can reduce the radiation their heads absorb)? Are you going to limit their use? Do they use the phone mostly for talking or texting (which I would think would pose a lesser threat)? At what point does a possible unknown health risk outweigh any real benefit to your child or teen using a mobile?
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Bah-humbug to vacation with kids
Please offer tips for making vacations with young children more relaxing
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We’re off to the beach this week with our three kids, and I’m just going to say what every mother knows: Taking a vacation isn’t actually that much fun for the mom — it’s just more work.
You’re basically moving your entire base of operation and your workload to a less organized, less spacious place that doesn’t have child locks on the cabinets. Plus now you’ve got sharks, sunburn and sand in the underpants complicating matters.
Call me the Vacation Grinch but between relocating all the “necessary” items and the vigilance it takes to keep small children safe in the ocean and pool, it’s just not that relaxing for me or my husband.
I’m sure packing for the beach will get easier as our kids get older, but at this point, the Romans invaded Gaul with less equipment than I’m taking for our youngest. You need the Pack ’N’ Play, the stroller, the bed rail, the diapers, the swim diapers, the plastic pants to put over the swim diapers, the chair to eat in, the toys, etc… You get the idea.
And once you finally get there, the packing isn’t over. To spend any decent amount of time on the beach, you need a cooler with ice, drinks and snacks. Plus the beach bag with five pairs of goggles, three different floats and multitudes of sand toys for digging giant holes. And if you’re feeling ambitious, you can always lug down the shade tent that takes three people to put up.
I could deal with all the prep work if once you got on the beach you got to shut your eyes and feel the breeze. But unless you’re slack or your partner agrees to be in charge, there’s no rest for the weary.
Once settled on the beach, you spend half your time chasing the kids around with white sticky hands trying to re-apply sunscreen. There’s no dozing off or reading a magazine. You have to remain eagle-eyed and often actually be in the water — not just leisurely drifting with the waves but protecting children from getting creamed by the waves. Even playing in the sand takes extra care as 1-year-olds often eat it.
Coming in from the beach only creates more work for mom. You’ve got to get them into dry clothes before they leave water or sand stains on someone else’s furniture that your rental deposit probably won’t cover.
Earlier this summer when I went to the beach with the kids and my side of the family (Michael had to work), I was literally giving six baths a day —- one for each child when they came in for lunch and one when they came back in before bed. Bending over a tub six times a day trying to get sand out of children’s hair is no vacation!
So what’s a parent to do to have a more relaxing time at the beach? We have a few ideas:
You could shirk your duty and simply not be very helpful to your spouse. We’ve both tried this on various trips but it generally just leads to fights.
You could go to an all-inclusive resort or take a cruise that offers babysitters. Besides being a little pricey, I’m afraid my kids will fall overboard.
You could try the “It Takes a Village” approach to vacationing. We tried this year to set up a vacation with three other families. Everybody would rent a condo so each family had their own space, but you would share making meals and each couple would get one or two nights off while the other families watched the kids. We thought it was a great plan but no one would commit.
The one caveat to this plan is you only want to invite families that increase your parent-to-child ratio. We have a lovely family that we all get along with but they have four kids. They actually hurt our parent-to-child ratio. Michael says they’re out.
- Your other option is to vacation with extended family —- grandparents, cousins, brothers or in-laws. This option does afford some relaxation, but the trade off is you have to play nice and sometimes compromise.
We will be spending this trip with Michael’s family in Hilton Head. We rarely get to see them so we are excited to be with his dad, stepmother and sister. We are hoping they will let us slip away to occasionally walk on the beach alone or maybe to go to a matinee of the new Batman movie while the baby takes a nap. (We haven’t told them this yet.)
I know I can’t get out of all the packing or the six baths a day, but I would love a few moments to actually relax on vacation.
Am I just being grumpy or am I right on target? Log onto ajc.com/momania to share your tips for making vacations with young children more relaxing.
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Kids are coming out younger but are their peers/teachers ready?
What should schools/parents be doing as these young teens figure out their sexual identities?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As homosexuality has become more acceptable in society and in pop culture, many kids are coming out at a younger age (some as young as middle school). However their peers and schools are often not as ready to deal with their revelations as they are.
I found two stories this weekend that talked about young kids coming out and often with negative repercussions. A Newsweek story talked about a young man in the eighth grade who was shot and killed by a fellow student at school after he made it clear he was gay. Another story in the Washington Post profiled another young man who is accepted a little better at his school, but is still harassed by other students.
The Washington Post story by Theresa Vargas reports:
“Saro, who first said he liked boys to a classmate in sixth grade, is like many of today’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youths who openly discuss their sexual orientation and identity with friends, and sometimes family, before entering high school. In doing so, experts say, these youths are escaping the isolation of generations before them but also finding themselves vulnerable to harassment — or worse. A California eighth-grader who expressed interest in asking another boy to be his valentine was fatally shot in February in a case that drew national attention.”
“Within any given school system, there may be a very accepting crowd and a very hateful crowd,’ said Robert-Jay Green, executive director of the Rockway Institute in San Francisco, a national center for LGBT research and public policy. ‘You have to find a way to avoid the people who will hurt you and keep close to the group that will accept you.’ ”
“In recent years, 110 Gay Straight Alliance clubs, which are common in high schools nationwide, have sprouted in middle schools, including nine in Maryland and Virginia. Kevin Jennings, the founder of the first club, said he ‘never anticipated’ they would also form in middle grades. His organization, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, is creating age-appropriate pamphlets to respond to the trend.”
Are you hearing about students coming out in schools locally? Do your kids/teens ever comment on kids they think may be gay? When do they even know what that is? (When do you have that discussion?) What discussions should parents, teachers and schools be having as younger kids are coming out? Should the schools be talking about sexual identity and tolerance just as they have taken on teaching about other sensitive topics? Should parents be teaching tolerance or acceptance at home?
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Do kids make you happy?
A whole host of studies say they don’t, so why do we keep having them?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Our Childfree By Choice friends are going to eat this up, but I feel it is my duty to share with you a recent story in Newsweek magazine examining whether children make parents happy. Here is the full story. Here are some highlights for the speed read:
Author Lorraine Ali reports in her story:
“In Daniel Gilbert’s 2006 book ‘Stumbling on Happiness,’ the Harvard professor of psychology looks at several studies and concludes that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child—and increases only when the last child has left home. He also ascertains that parents are happier grocery shopping and even sleeping than spending time with their kids. Other data cited by 2008’s ‘Gross National Happiness’ author, Arthur C. Brooks, finds that parents are about 7 percentage points less likely to report being happy than the childless.”
“ ‘Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers,’ says Florida State University’s Robin Simon, a sociology professor who’s conducted several recent parenting studies, the most thorough of which came out in 2005 and looked at data gathered from 13,000 Americans by the National Survey of Families and Households. ‘In fact, no group of parents—married, single, step or even empty nest—reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children. It’s such a counterintuitive finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they’re not.’ “
“In pre-industrial America, parents certainly loved their children, but their offspring also served a purpose—to work the farm, contribute to the household. Children were a necessity. Today, we have kids more for emotional reasons, but an increasingly complicated work and social environment has made finding satisfaction far more difficult.”
“The majority of American parents now work outside the home, have less support from extended family and face a deteriorating education and health-care system, so raising children has not only become more complicated—it has become more expensive.”
The author concludes: “Parents still report feeling a greater sense of purpose and meaning in their lives than those who’ve never had kids. And there are other rewarding aspects of parenting that are impossible to quantify. For example, I never thought it possible to love someone as deeply as I love my son.”
What do you think: Why would parents in study after study be less happy than their child-free peers? What aspects do parents gain that would make people continue to have kids if not happiness?
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Is washing veggies enough?
Are you buying expensive sprays or not eating fruits and veggies to avoid food-borne illness? Here’s what the experts are doing to protect their families.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Federal officials have officially declared fresh tomatoes safe to eat but they also say they still aren’t certain if it was was Mrs. Tomato in the kitchen or Col. Jalepeno in the backyard with the salmonella making so many people sick. (FDA officials confirmed Monday they have found a salmonella strain on some Mexican jalapeno peppers handled in Texas but that doesn’t exonerate the tomato.)
Since government officials haven’t completely nailed down the food-borne culprit, it makes you wonder what should you be doing to protect your family? Are you simply washing fruits and vegetables? Are you using fancy sprays that the grocery store is selling? Are you just not eating them?
Well I found a Newsweek story that explains how food scientists are protecting themselves. Here’s what they recommend:
“What do the food safety experts do? They wash their produce in running tap water—and eat up. For example, Al Bushway, professor of food science at the University of Maine, uses a spray nozzle on his kitchen faucet to clean lettuce and a vegetable brush to clean apples. He doesn’t use chlorine washes, since they give at best a ‘slight’ reduction in microbial load. (If you really want to use chlorine, mix a tablespoon of it with a gallon of water, then rinse it off afterward.)”
“To further reduce risk, the experts recommend washing not just the fruit you consume with the peel on, like apples, but also fruits and vegetables that are peelable or have inedible rinds, like bananas and melons. When you slice or handle produce, bacteria could be transferred from the peel or rind to your hands or to a knife and then to the fruit or vegetable you’re eating—as could chemical residues. Washing before you peel reduces that risk. With green leafies you can take the extra step of removing the outer layer of a head of lettuce, for example, and then washing, says Michael Doyle, director of the center for food safety at the University of Georgia. ‘The contamination largely occurs on the outside, whether it’s fruits or vegetables.’ Like Bushway, Doyle doesn’t spend money on commercial fruit and vegetable ‘washes.’ They do a good job of removing soil and trace chemical residues, say experts, but they don’t help much with bacteria.”
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Best of the Big A
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
What’s the most kid-friendly place to eat out in the metro area? Nominate your fave
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Weaning leaves ache in my chest
Did you miss nursing when you were finally done? Do you think it’s tougher to get babies off bottles or breast?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The milk ducts under my arms ache and my breasts are swollen and burning. They think it’s time to nurse but my 16-month old baby has other ideas.
Over the last six months she has gradually cut herself back from nursing 12 times a day to once or twice. Some days she wants to nurse more, other days she’s so busy she doesn’t even think about it.
Our little girl is self weaning, which is natural, but it leaves me with another pain in my chest. My heart is heavy and sad that my special time with my last baby is coming to an end.
Nursing has been one of my favorite experiences of motherhood so far. I’ve spent four and half of the last seven years (not consecutively) nursing babies. That’s a lot of time spent on one task — I could have gone through medical school in that time.
Nursing didn’t come easy with my first baby but we made it through, and from there it’s been wonderful. I always looked forward to that quiet time with each child. You get to stop everything that you’re doing (without feeling guilty) and stroke her, kiss her and love her while you nourish her.
I weaned both of my older children at around 18 months. Twelve months seemed too early. (They were still babies.) Two-years-old seemed a little long. To me, 18 months seemed just about right.
I was two months pregnant with my son when I finally weaned by oldest daughter. (I was happy to nurse, but I refused to tandem nurse a toddler and a newborn.) My son nursed for the last time during the “Polar Express” movie at the Mall of Georgia. He didn’t ask for it later that night at bedtime, and never did again. We were done. It was sad.
I’m expecting this baby to finish in the next two months. If she wants to nurse longer, I’ll let her, but I don’t think she will.’
For the most part, we’re working under the “don’t offer/don’t refuse” theory of weaning. If she asks for it then I’ll nurse her. I have, however, tried a few distractions to keep her from asking.
A sippy cup of milk or some crunchy cereal helps her not think about my boobs. Also not wearing shirts or bras that she can easily get into helps deter her. She’s quite funny trying to dig for my breast through a non-nursing bra.
But naptime and bedtime can be the toughest. Every night of her life nursing has been part of her routine. Like Pavlov’s dog, she’s trained to expect it before going to sleep.
So I’m trying to recondition her to focus on something else while we rock each night. I found out by accident that she is mesmerized by the first two songs of “Hairspray.” She immediately relaxes as Tracy Turnblad sings “Good Morning Baltimore.” And by the time the dancers are singing “The Nicest Kids in Town,” I can feel her body heavy against my chest and know she is ready to be laid in her crib for the night. For a baby who rarely looks at the television, it’s odd this trick works. But we won’t question it!
I like the “Hairspray” method of weaning because I’m still getting quiet time with her — rocking her, stroking her, feeling her little head get warm as she drifts off to sleep. These are the moments you miss as they get older.
I keep telling my husband as soon as she’s done nursing I’m going away all alone for a weekend. (I haven’t been alone in seven years.) Pretty soon, my body will be mine again — a bittersweet prospect indeed.
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Is your wife ‘smoking hot’?
Would you describe your wife that way now? Have you ever described her that way?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A high-school classmate of mine has photos of his family posted on his Facebook page. There are shots of him, his kids and of course his wife. Nothing unusual there. Except if you look at the comment under his wife’s photo, he wrote:: “Thank God for my smoking hot wife!”
I love this! What a fantastic thing to say about his wife to all his friends who come to visit his page.
My husband’s like “Well, how did she look?” I’m like she is beautiful. But that’s not the point. The point is that he is openly declaring his feelings to all of Facebook. (My husband said it just raises the standard of what people expect your wife to look like.)
Also last week, one of our posters referred to his “lovely sexy wife,” which I also thought was so sweet!!
Would your husband describe you as smoking hot and online even? Has he ever described you that way? Do you want him to?
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Is it bad to tell a child you’re trying to lose weight?
What helps promote a positive body image?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A friend criticized me recently for pointing out in front of her child that my new bathing suit “covered my fat stomach.” She said, “I’m trying to promote a positive body image.”
Now maybe I could have said that a little more tactfully, but that seems like a head-in-the-sand kind of approach to not acknowledge to a child that fatness exists in the world.
So then I started thinking about what I say to my own children. Rose routinely tells me that I still look pregnant (I have a pouch — I’m not fat anywhere else just that stomach.) So I have said to my kids “Mommy is trying to lose some weight to be healthier. She’s not at a healthy weight. She’s eating fruits and vegetables.” And they know we’re all going to the gym several times a week so mommy can work out.
That to me is showing a positive healthy lifestyle and acknowledging to a child that if someone is overweight they need to exercise to get to a healthy weight and stronger body.
I’m not sure if I had a heavy child I would really talk to them about their weight. I wouldn’t want to make them self-conscious. I think I would serve healthy foods and try to help them control portion size. I would also make sure they had “fun” activities to help them work off the weight and encourage a healthy lifestyle. Is that hypocritical to talk about my weight but not theirs?
How do you talk to your kids about your weight? How do you talk to them about their weight? Is acknowledging if you need to lose weight setting a healthy example or somehow expressing a negative body image?
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What’s with the heavy topics in kids’ movies this summer?
Are you using them as jumping off points for discussions or hoping your kids didn’t notice?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I fully expected the “Kit Kittredge: An American Girl” movie to be full of teachable moments, and it was, but I didn’t expect it when I took my kids to see Wall E last weekend.
Before going to see the Kit movie with my 7-year-old, we had a full discussion about the Great Depression. I told her how the stock market crashed, how people lost all their money and their houses. We talked about how parents lost their jobs and how families all had to pitch in to help make money — like selling eggs. We talked about how a lot of people are losing their houses today. (I didn’t want to scare her so I didn’t play that up too big.) We talked about FDR and his programs to try to put people back to work, and we talked about how World War II helped pull the country out of the Depression.
This movie was a great history lesson for her. I was worried it would scare her but it didn’t. I think she absorbed a lot about that time period. (I was so worried about preparing her for the historical background, I forgot to bring the doll to the movies.)
So we took the 5 and 7 year olds to see Wall E this weekend (Mimi kept the baby - thank you Mimi.) and holy cow it hit some really deep topics too, which I didn’t expect. Without giving away too much of the movie, it dealt with the evils of consumerism and materialism. It dealt with pollution and environmentalism. And it also dealt with man becomingly slovenly, fat and too dependent on computers and the evils of no human interaction.
That’s a lot of issues for a cartoon about a robot. I wasn’t even sure where to start with my kids when we got back in the car. I had to assess how much of it they got and then decide how much I wanted to point out if they didn’t get it.
Did you or your kids perceive these movies as heavy (not necessarily bad, but just heavy) for kids? (Or is that just the sign of a good movie — that is works on many levels?) Did you have discussions about them afterward? Did you point out things they may not have grasped? Or will let them figure those things out for themselves upon later viewings?
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Why my husband’s IQ plummets
Husband behave badly around his college friends? Ever found surprising charges on your credit card bill?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I started to worry as soon as the wedding invitation arrived.
One of my husband’s good friends from college was getting married. I knew Michael would want to go. “I’ve already missed more than half of his weddings,” he said.
Very quickly, the wedding turned into a road trip, with Michael and another college friend headed South with no kids, no wives and fewer inhibitions then they normally would have.
They were thrilled by the prospect. I, however, saw “Tom and Jerry” red flags, alarm bells, and flare guns shooting off in my head.
Individually, these are all great guys. They have respectable jobs and work hard to support their families. They’re good fathers and, under any other circumstances, completely trustworthy. But somehow when they get together they revert to 19-year-old idiots.
Their IQs spiral downward, and their common sense goes out the window. This is the crew that Michael generally goes to Georgia-Florida games with, and all of their exploits seem to involve alcohol, loud music, stupid dares and every now and then strippers.
Let me illustrate.
Picture it: Athens, 1992. I had just started dating my now husband when I received a phone call at 1 a.m. Could I possibly get out of bed and come pick up my new drunk boyfriend and all of his drunk friends from the Ice-T concert? One of their friends, who happened to be the driver that night, had been kicked out of the show for fighting, and they couldn’t find him.
I wanted to be a good new girlfriend so I went. However, they weren’t where they said they would be. After circling the block many times, I finally found them — wrestling in the street. Apparently they had some sort of gentlemanly disagreement, which ended with this weekend’s groom body-slamming my now husband onto the hood of my Buick.
Flash forward to our wedding about two years later. Michael’s bachelor party was two nights before our wedding, which I thought was wise. I knew they would drink. I knew they would go to strip clubs. Fine. Whatever.
However, I needed him dressed and coherent by 5 p.m the next day for our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Besides being stressed out about the wedding, I was meeting much of Michael’s family for the first time that night.
I started calling him around noon. He wasn’t at home. At that time cell phones weren’t ubiquitous. I waited a little bit and then started calling his friends. I finally located him in Marietta with no vehicle and no sober, alert groomsmen to drive him home. So I drove from Lilburn to pick him up. One of his friends — not in the wedding party — finally agreed to meet me part way. (Why didn’t he drive him all the way?) Let’s just say I wasn’t happy and that’s not a great way to start a marriage.
About five years later, several of the boys planned a night out at an Atlanta Falcons exhibition game. Somehow, on the way home from the Georgia Dome they ended up at the Cheetah.
“They were giving away free passes outside the dome,” one of the idiots later said. Well, I’m not sure exactly what happened that night, but it didn’t turn out to be free. Someone had the brilliant idea to rent the VIP room and things went downhill from there. Phone lines lit up as credit card bills arrived a month later. All the charges were stealthily disguised as the “International Grill.” My husband refers to it as the “Night of $1,800.”
So you can see why I’m not thrilled that my husband is headed to a beach with these fellas.
I don’t think anyone is going to do anything illegal but there’s lots of trouble that grown men should not be getting into that is legal. There’s definitely a time and a place to cut loose, but they need to remember they’re not 19.
Since the original inception, the plan has escalated and added an extra night before the wedding. I’m sure they’re thinking bachelor party, which is never a good sign. They claim they’re just going to a party at the groom’s mom’s house. I guess I’ll know for certain when the credit card bill arrives.
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Would you attend a ‘Passion Party?’
Our mothers had Tupperware parties, now we have adult toy parties. But would you really go?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I was going to hold off on this one since we already had our sex talk for the week, but I coincidentally found it on another site so I’ve got to go ahead and use it
I was talking with a friend on Monday and she mentioned that the moms at her preschool (parochial none the less) were trying to get her to attend an “adult toy” party last spring. She said she mentioned in at a dinner with some of our friends (I was at the other end of the table and missed the whole discussion!) and another mom (who you would never suspect) piped up that she had been to one in her neighborhood.
She said they offered candles and lotions at first but then brought out the toys. She said the lady took them back into a private room to order so no one else knew what you bought. (Yes,but they do know you bought something!) I mentioned this to a friend who teaches in north Gwinnett and she said she had been invited to two of these types of parties through ladies at school. (WHAT!?)
I was searching online for news about adult toy parties and found a mom blog from this week talking about one mom’s experiences going to a party. Here’s the link to the blog. (There’s also a sex test on the site to see if you are an adventurous lover.) She said that the idea is that women might be intimidated to go into a store alone to look at the stuff and would feel safer doing it with friends at someone’s house.
I’ve got to tell you I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve got no issues with what adults do privately (have at it) but do you really want your neighbors or the ladies at your preschool knowing what you were interested in? Women judge and gossip enough at schools without knowing what kind of adult toys turned on you or your husband. That’s why they invented online ordering!
What do you think? Would you attend a “Passion Party?” Would you want to go with women from your child’s preschool or from your neighborhood? Would you ever host one? Would you order from one? Would your rather order something online? How’d you do on the sex test?
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Would you pay more for a green day care center?
Is a plastics-free environment with bamboo floors and chlorine/gel-free diapers worth $1,700 a month for a baby?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
AJC reporter Helena Oliviero checked out a new day care center in Atlantic Station. It promotes itself as an UPSCALE, GREEN day care center. Its monthly price tag ranges from $1,529 for preschoolers and $1,708 for infants.
Oliviero describes it as; “Stretching 21,000 square feet, the plastics-free space features bamboo floors, Solatube skylights and saltwater fountains. It also boasts an alphabet climbing wall, non-toxic art supplies and a Lego Dome.”
“It’s a place where children begin their day with daily affirmations and later make fishing rods out of lemon grass. Where art work is framed as if it might be on display at the nearby High Museum.”
” ‘I think there are many places that are good quality,’ said Dana Ginger, FIO360 executive director. ‘We are just taking it the next level.’ “
Check out photos of the facility itself.
What do you think? Are you interested in a green day care center — organic food, no shoes on the play area, non-toxic are supplies? (Aren’t all crayons and markers meant for kids non-toxic anyways?) Would you pay more for these services? (How much does a regular day care center cost?) Check out the photos and see how it compares to your day care center? Does it look that much different? Does the food look different?
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Is ‘afternoon delight’ an option with kids at home?
Is a locked door enough protection if your kids are awake and moving through the house?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s a Saturday afternoon. The kids are busy playing and you find yourselves alone and actually not tired. The question of the day is: Are you comfortable having sex in the house if your kids are awake and up doing stuff? Is a locked door and a good distraction (like a DVD) to keep the kids busy enough protection to risk an amorous encounter in the middle of the day?
(Forgive me for getting that terrible song stuck in your heads!)
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Our play set’s best feature?
Leaps of imagination
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
After literally years of deliberation, we finally bought a big backyard play set for the kids.
My husband, of course, didn’t want one. He didn’t think we needed it. He didn’t want it junking up the backyard. He, in fact, called it a $2,000 lawn ornament. (For the record, it wasn’t $2,000.)
But he also wasn’t the one at home trying to keep kids busy all day without sitting them in front of a television or having to load them into a car just to ride a swing.
After much investigation and even asking for guidance here on the blog, I finally chose a beautiful, challenging wooden set for the kids, which was installed last week.
It’s got three types of swings plus a trapeze, monkey bars, tire swing, fort, fireman’s pole, sand box, slide and rope ladder. (That should keep them busy!)
My main goal in getting the set was to encourage the kids to play outside more and get more physically active. But what’s amazing is how their imaginations have gone wild on it. They’re seeing exactly the same play set and their minds’ are processing it in completely different ways.
The 5.5-foot-high fort fascinates both my 5-year-old son and my 7-year-old daughter. My son feels certain it’s the dark, mysterious Bat Cave. My daughter on the other hand envisions it as the tall tower of a princess. While looking over the wall, she observed, “I think this is probably how tall Rapunzel’s castle was.” Then she flipped her hair over her shoulder like she was imagining it cascading to the ground.
A few minutes later the fort had become a nest from which to spy. They want to know what our neighbor is growing in his garden over the fence. They need to work on their sneakiness, however. Ws the man worked not 15 feet away, the announced loudly, “We’re going to spy on him from here.”
A line of swings also quickly transformed in their minds. Walsh was on the horse, Rose on the middle regular swing and Lilina was in her baby swing. Rose yelled “Giddy up” to Walsh and challenged him to a horse race. She started describing a scene in the Old West. Before she could even finish her story, Walsh had moved them into the world of Mario Kart Wii. Walsh was King Boo, Rose was Rosalina and Lilina was Diddy Kong. (My husband questioned why she wasn’t Baby Peach.) They were racing for the finish line and as each rider swung forward they took the lead.
Walsh climbs up the rope ladder as a buccaneer and when he reaches the top jumps on the metal pole and slides down as a fireman. Their little imaginations are running as fast as their bodies.
I think Rose’s favorite thing on the set may be the trapeze. She hangs upside down with her legs hooked over the smooth wooden bar swinging back and forth. She has big plans to join the circus and now wants a second trapeze installed behind the first one so another child can catch her in mid-air upside down. (I’m thinking no to that plan.)
Our biggest problem at this point is that the baby wants to be right in the middle of all the action. Obviously at 15 months, she doesn’t understand trajectory and is going to get whacked in the face by her siblings as they swing. She also wants into that fort, which is way too tall for her. I need to quickly fill the sandbox so she has more to do.
The kids played on it more than four hours the first day we had it. (We did give the concrete holding the legs a little bit of time to dry but not quite the 24-hours the company recommended.) When Michael got home from work he was so impressed by how engaged they all were with it, he offered his highest compliment “Good purchase, Mom.”
Later that night Walsh said, “Mommy thank you 1,000 times for the swing set.” And Rose added, “Tomorrow morning while you make breakfast, I’m going to go out and play.” And she did.
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Will you let your kids/teens shoot off fireworks?
Good clean fun or dangerous as heck?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have never been a fan of fireworks unless they were shooting off over Stone Mountain and in the hands of professionals. We used to watch neighbor boys almost blow their hands off in the cul-de-sac each 4th of July with illegal fireworks. It always made me nervous.
My husband on the other hand used to cross the border each year from Augusta into South Carolina to buy fireworks to shoot off on New Year’s Eve and the 4th of July. His dad was a Green Beret so I guess he wasn’t afraid of blowing stuff up.
Although Georgia has relaxed its ban on fireworks in recent years, there’s still not that many allowed. I had a tough time finding the laws on an official state of Georgia site but here are the rules according to the American Pyrotechnic Association’s web site.
Here’s part of what the site reports:
“CONSUMER FIREWORKS
Specifically permitted
Sparklers up to 100 grams each; fountains (items that say ‘Emits Showers of Sparks’ up to 200 grams total for multiple tube items or 75 grams for each individual tube; snakes, glow worms, snappers, party poppers.
Specifically prohibited
Firecrackers, torpedoes, sky rockets, roman candles, bombs, and sparklers.”
I also found a story on ajc.com talking about the risks for kids shooting off fireworks:
“ ‘In 2006, the risk of injury was two-and-a-half times greater for children aged 10-14 than for adults. Parents underestimate how dangerous fireworks can be. With alcohol in the mix, a bunch of people and the dark, the Fourth of July is an incredible holiday to work the ER because of all the stuff that happens,’ said Dr. Denise Dowd, who works in the emergency division of Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City, Mo.”
Here are some safety tips for those partaking.
Will your kids/teens be shooting off fireworks on the 4th? Will they be beyond those allowed in the state? What are your safety precautions to help protect your kids and their friends?
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How do you track household expenses?
Are you a cash in the envelope kind of family, do you keep a notebook or enter everything into Quicken at night?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We’re trying to stick more closely to a budget (we haven’t been spending beyond our means, but just spending too freely) and trying to figure out the best ways to monitor and control our spending.
We created a budget in an Excel file. We had Quicken software one time before and never used it so Michael won’t pop for it again. I’ve been writing down what I’ve been spending every day and then filling them into the Excel file later.
We disagree on whether to use credit cards or cash. I hate carrying around cash but if you’ve got the grocery money in an envelope and so on and so on, you can’t overspend. I’m not sure how practical it is to have 25 envelopes of cash lying around though. He thinks the credit cards let you keep a better record of what you’re spending your money on. But it just makes shopping at Target too easy!
Do you have a budget? Have you felt the need the need to develop one as prices have started to rise on groceries and gas? How do you track what you’re spending each day, week, month? Are you a fan of the envelope system or do you track your spending on credit cards? Where were you able to make the biggest cuts in your budget to save money?
Read more about taking a bite of the grocery bill.
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