MOMania

By Together for 12

July 14, 2008 7:23 AM | Link to this

Theresa, Where does that partying money come from anyhow? My husband has a “good times” fund, and he can spend it on what he likes (usually golf stuff or eating lunches out). If he’s got the cash, go for it. Somehow, I can’t imagine your hubby just has $1800 or such laying around for his fun times. I recommend you send him off with ONE credit card. Then call the card company and lower the credit limit on it so he can’t go charging a fortune for his “good times”.
However, if this is coming out of family household funds, that’s a whole different (and unfair) story. Are you out spending a ton of money with your girlfriends that cuts into the household budget?
And don’t get me started on the morality part of a bunch of married drunk guys hanging out at a “shoe show”… That’s pretty hypocritical behavior for your practicing Christian husband to be partaking in - treating women like sex objects. I wonder how he’d feel if Rose decided to become a stripper seeing as how Daddy thinks it’s ok to go spend money on seeing strippers.

By JJ

July 14, 2008 7:41 AM | Link to this

Theresa, I personally see nothing wrong with this. He is merely blowing off steam.

I go on a Girlfriend weekend every year in September. There are 16 of us that go. We act like 12 year old boys. No kids, no hubbies/boyfriends, just us. We are allowed to behave however we want, just “don’t bring the law home”.

Now, this does not include “meeting” other men. Most of the women in this crowd are married, and are not looking to have an affair. What we are looking for is fun, and the ability to get back in touch with who we are. We spend so much time as mothers, wifes, etc, that once a year, we get to blow off some steam. We have never gotten into any kind of trouble, and we really have a good time on these trips.

We have done some very fun stuff. For instance, we went crabbing for blue crab in Charleston. What a blast that was, up to our knees in mud, with a 100 feet of string tied to a small piece of wood, out in the marshes. We charter a boat, and cruise out in the marshes. We have done this several times, and the Charter company knows us and sets aside a tour just for us. We take coolers full of beer, and just have a blast the entire day. The captain of the boat cooks our crabs for us, and we dine right there on the beach, muddy and all.

I wouldn’t trade my weekend with the girls for anything!!!

Then all the guys get their guy weekend. They usually go deep sea fishing and they too have a blast.

Let Michael go out and act like a kid again. He’s a good provider to you and your family, and obvsiously loves you and the kids. He too needs to get back in touch with Michael……

By Jeff

July 14, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this

As a guy, I gotta stand up for Michael. From everything that I’ve read about the guy, he is a pretty stand-up guy and I doubt he would overtly do anything that he KNOWS would harm you or your family. If he’s going on these trips once a year or so, I don’t see the big deal of it. Blow off some steam, relax without having to worry about wife/kids… probably makes him a BETTER husband because of it. I know that when you get me together with my middle bro, things like this also tend to happen (though we’ve never been to a strip club or any of that type stuff). With the guys of my ‘married’ circle (again, husbands/boyfriend of T’s circle, which is her sister, her best friend, and her best friend’s sister), I could see similar situations happening if we all went out for a weekend - moreso if you throw in my middle bro to the mix.

Now, having said that, I’m ALSO going to say that you need to be allowed to have a similar weekend once a year or so. Again, I’m going to say that it probably would make you a BETTER wife for it.

Of course, all that said… most fun/most relaxation I’ve EVER had is in the Carribean.

So I’m going to say couples need three weekends each year in their lives:

One for the husband to go off with his friends. One for the wife to do the same. One couples trip to the Carribean. I’ve got a couple of places I can recommend - Isla Pasion off of Cozumel and Grand Cayman Island - but really from the pics I’ve seen, ANYWHERE south of Cuba and north of South America would be ideal for this!

By Mjaay

July 14, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

I don’t want to pick on you Theresa, but why is it “fine.whatever.” that he goes to a strip club? I really am confused. When did it become morally okay to watch people (men or women) take off their clothing for entertainment? Why do married men participate in this? Or married women? Or anyone really? I am always amazed how people justify this behavior. It’s not a dignified practice- for the stripper, or the participants.

By lovin life

July 14, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

I think a guys weekend and a gals weekend are both ok. And obviously theresa is not worried about the money (i think) she talks about it like it is sorta funny. I would think it was sorta funny if my Stand up guy hubby spent that money because he just doesn’t spend like that.
The only thing I have a problem with is a married man going to see strippers. And the father of a girl no less. Maybe rose was not born when he went to the cheetah after the game. I just hope that he would think that every one of those girls is someone’s daughter too.

By new mom

July 14, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

I showed my husband this column last night, to get a guy’s opinion, and he said that although he was shocked at the level of stuff they did (strip clubs? private rooms?) he wasn’t surprised. He said that most guys he knows are like this—they revert back to 18 year olds when they aren’t around their significant others and/or families, which is why he only has 2 guys he wants to socialize with. (he has tons of friends, but he explained to me that this is why he doesn’t really do much with them outside of a lunch, etc.) In fact, on a recent business trip, he was called to drive home some drunk idiot co-workers who behaved badly—in front of the company’s management!

I was surprised that this many ‘men’ behave this way socially, especially at this age. I am thankful that my hubby has grown up, and I can be proud of him and his behavior whether I’m present or not. (I’m not saying this to brag, I just truly am thankful for him!) I think this scenario is similar to the saying “you can tell someone’s character based on how they behave when no one’s looking”. I think you can also tell a spouse’s character on how they behave when they are away from their spouse!

Why don’t these grown men choose to bring their wife and kids to the wedding and give the families time to have fun as well? Because it would cut into their bad behavior?
Theresa, I don’t mean to sound judgy, I just feel sorry for you that you have that extra worry when he’s away. I hope you have a good life insurance policy on him, with 3 kids to raise. You NEVER know what trouble he can get himself into.

By Theresa

July 14, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Hey guys — Here are a few explainers —- All of these things happened before we had kids — I’m trying to think but I don’t think M. has been to a strip club since we’ve had kids — at least not tht I am remembering — When we got married back in 1994 (holy moly) strip clubs were very accpetable for bachelor parties - I always sortof felt like if it was for a bachelor party I didn’t care — also when you have out of town guests come for a wedding they want to see atlanta’s famous strip clubs —What made me mad about the Cheetah night was it was not a bachelor party — it was just shwoing up to see naked ladies and I did have a problem wtih that — IN general I think I am much more bothered by the strip club now than I was when I was younger — let’s review that I had just turned 21 when we got married — On the money at the Cheetah — the 1800 was spread out over several guys’ credit cards — we were all finding lower odd amount charges on our cards — again that incident did make me mad because that was way too much money to spend (even for our portion) — also I didn’t like that they started out one place and ended up at another — That hasn’t happened since at least that i know of — I was pretty mad about that — as far as this weekend’s money — We paid for UGA tickets back in February so the friend that michael goes wiht paid him back for his half of th tix on the trip - so as far as I’m concerned that trip money came out of the tix pay back —

By Amy

July 14, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

Theresa, I’m surprised that you have such a flippant attitude towards the whole strip club thing. I can understand a guy’s weekend fishing or golfing…but a married man spending $1800 on a strip club?! Do you know what goes on in those VIP rooms? Hardworking husbands/dads deserve a chance to unwind and relax but that shouldn’t involve paying money to see naked women and get lap dances…in my opinion.

By Amy

July 14, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Sorry, my previous comment was submitted before your post…

By ADL

July 14, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

If a guy wants to have an affair, the last place he will go is a strip club. It is “look, but don’t touch”. You should be more worried if there are no charges coming up on the credit cards (it means he is paying cash for something he doesn’t want you to know about). So cut him some slack and plan a night out with your female friends.

By ADL

July 14, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Just a note…all men’s IQ’s plummet when they get married.

By abc

July 14, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

Without trust, what do you have?

The strip club incident appears to have happened almost 10 years ago, and the participants were then in their 20’s. It doesn’t seem very worthwhile to still harbor ill feelings about it, but you know them all and I don’t, maybe they haven’t matured? Re-read my first sentence.

By nurse&mother

July 14, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

I don’t care for strip clubs either. I certainly trust my husband. I don’t think he has gone to one since he was in his 20’s (and at a bachelor’s party). Even though I trust my husband, there is something about it that makes me feel like I am not as desired.

Theresa-I’m with you. I don’t know what happens when a bunch of college buddies get together (especially when they haven’t seen each other in years). Could it be a UGA thing? Or does this happen with other college alums?

By gwinnettmom

July 14, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Teresa, My husbands best friend was best man at our wedding and had him drinking margarita’s on the day of the wedding starting at 10:00 am. Now this friend is getting married for the third time and he wants my husband there “because then you’ll be the only friend there for all my weddin’s!” I’m like you, fine.whatever…just don’t bring the law home. I am sure that there are my girl friends from high school and if we got togethere with out kids and a little wine we would be giggling like idiots. I hope your husband has fun, and gives you a day at the spa when he gets back!

By Jeff

July 14, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

nurse:

It isn’t college-specific.

I have friends who get together every once and a while who never went to the same school, and yet the parties they have while together would probably rival anything Michael and his friends have ever done.

Same could be said about a couple of people I knew at KSU. If we ever got together now… I’m pretty sure it would have to be at a brewery, and even then we might empty them out!

By Penguinmom

July 14, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Yet another reason I’m glad my husband isn’t a drinker.

I don’t have a problem with the going away for a weekend. I do that with my friends. But we don’t go off and do crazy things, we watch movies, shop, eat out.

I would be fine with my husband going off with his friends for a weekend. I know all of them pretty well so I don’t think any of them would go off the deep end.

By jg

July 14, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

Very sad state of affairs….

The strip club days should have ended the moment you said “I do” - why is that socially acceptable for your husband to oogle other naked women and then come home to you? You don’t think there is a little “imagining” going on there?

So what do you tell your daughter - it is okay to do that…..fast forward 18 years and your little one is working at the Cheetah and Dad and his buddies stop in for a minute - who would feel weirder? Dad for seeing his little girl pole dancing or his buddies for checking out your child?

I feel sorry for you - it is very humiliating for you and Mr. needs to grow up and find some new friends.

By JJ

July 14, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

I don’t believe anyone has the right to tell another adult what they can and cannot do…….married or not.

jg A little on the prudish side aren’t we?

There is nothing wrong with the guys going to a strip club once in a while. Guys are pigs. These girls cannot touch, or be touched by the patrons. Heavy security in those places.

I actually didn’t mind when my husband went to the Gold Club, because when he came home to ME, we had a SEX marathon…..I actually told him to go on a couple of occassions.

As long as they just look, what’s the harm, no worse than Playboy or Penthouse? Remember, Men are pigs..and if he tells you up front, you have nothing to worry about.

Men don’t like to sit around and swap recipes, or discuss Army Wives or other tv shows. They are men, they are pigs, and we love them…

By johndoe_1507

July 14, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

…

By SchellingOutinATL

July 14, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

For many of us — even back in the day — strip clubs were most emphatically NOT the norm. One of the reasons my husband is my husband is because he didn’t (and doesn’t) disrespect women by going to strip clubs. I’m not talking about disrespecting me, but the women working in the club. You can’t tell me that strip clubs, porn, and other objectifications of people (male or female) are not detrimental to the viewer’s perception of those people as people, worthy of respect. I can’t believe you married him to begin with, let alone put up with this frat boy BS now. And you have kids! Would he (and you) be OK with your daughter stripping at the Cheetah? If not, then why is he going to watch someone else’s daughter do it? And why are you condoning it (even in the past)?

By Amy

July 14, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

JJ-I’m curious if you’ve ever been to a strip club… It’s quite different than a Playboy mag. The dancers can make contact with the men (guys aren’t allowed to touch them) but anything goes in a private room.

And it doesn’t bother you that your “marathon” had nothing to do with you and everything to do w/ the young women at the Gold Club?

By JJ

July 14, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

Amy Yes, I have been to a couple of strip joints with my (then) husband….

No I have no problems with it at all. It’s called “Fantasizing”.

By jg

July 14, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

JJ - of course you had a “marathon” he was thinking about someone else! Why is it okay?

So you would be okay if your son brought home his “stripper” girlfriend?

My daughter once asked me what a strip club was - I explained it was a place where girls go and dance and take off their clothes and guys watch. She seemed appalled enough, then I added, then then men there hand the girls their money so they will dance naked in front of them…..

She pondered for a moment, then said. “God does not like that does he?”

Prude? Just trying to raise a family with morals.

By Numbers Guy

July 14, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

Wow. The guy pulls some stuff 10 years ago, pre-kids (which, if you’re like me, means in a different lifetime), and the assumption is that he’s going to wind up on America’s Most Wanted going to a friend’s wedding. It’s probably going to be a heck of a lot more boring than you think - for one thing, our livers simply won’t handle that much booze anymore.

Besides, as long as he doesn’t get arrested, get himself or any of the family hurt, or play around on you, what’s the big deal here? He’s going to be out of town, so you’re unlikely to get a late-night pick me up call (I’ll agree, that was pretty durn rude), and my guess is that he’s probably earned the right to blow off some steam. Schedule a trip of your own in about 6 months, and relax….

By bizezgrrrrl

July 14, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

Like many of you, I am a mother, work full time and have made many sacrafices to provide our family with a comfortable life.

I’m pretty liberal and agree that men need the occasional Boys Night Out, but it would really, REALLY enrage me if my husband spent a single dollar of our family money tipping nude dancers.

Sorry, but that’s where I draw the line. I mean, isn’t there something a bit unseemly about stuffing money your wife earned into the garterbelt of a stripper!?!

By Amy

July 14, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

Fantasizing is natural in a relationship. Interacting with live woman during a lap dance is an entirely different matter, imho.

By Lynn

July 14, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

Although my husband hasn’t been to a strip club since we’ve been married, I have a lot of JJ’s views. I don’t tell him what to do and he doesn’t tell me what to do. His opinion is that he can see it all on HBO and drink his beer at home and that’s fine with me.

By JJ

July 14, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

He may have been thinking of someone else, but he was with me…….what’s wrong with fantasizing????

Hell, I fantazied about Fabio, George Clooney, etc numerous times with him….

If your man goes and sees naked women, and them comes home to you, then what’s the problem?

Men are visual. Notice where their eyes are 75% of the time you are talking to them.

Relax. There is absolutely nothing wrong with fantasizing. I bet most of you have done it a time or two.

We Americans are so repressed when it comes to the human body and sex……Remember Adam and Eve were naked and not at all ashamed until the snake came and told them to cover up.

By Becky

July 14, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

A lot of these girls are in college & are making enough money to pay their own way..Not all dancers are low lifes..JJ, LMAO..I love your outlook.. Besides as someone else said, if a man (or woman) wants to cheat, this isn’t going to be the place he goes..Yes, I’ve been to a strip club & also have a niece that was a dancer..

By Suz

July 14, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

Every time I start to feel grouchy or depressed, I come read the comments on this blog. The laughter I get from it perks me right up.

By momtoAlex&Max

July 14, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

I have a lot of issues with the morality of the whole thing, but in all honesty, that’s not what really irates me about it.

What really makes me see red is how this places prey on men just like our husbands: out and about with a bunch of idiotic friends, drunk out of their gourds and somehow, SOMEHOW..it becomes an $1800 night.

I mean, WTF is up with that!!!! It has happened on two occassions with my husband and later on he has NO IDEA (or at least he won’t say) just how in the world he blew than much money.

I hate to be one of “those wives” that forbids their husbands to do anything, but that whole strip club think really enrages me.

So yeah, I drew the line there. He can do anything he wants, with whomever he wants, anywhere he wants, anytime he wants; but strip clubs are out of the question. I hate to do that and I wish I didn’t have to, but my husband has some really idiotic friends. And I am fully aware of how much of a shrew than makes me look. And I hate it.

By jg

July 14, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

Answer the question people - would you be okay with your little girl being a stripper? Or would you be okay if your son brought home a girl who was a stripper? Let’s ask the Barbie Bandit Parents!

By Jeff

July 14, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

Honestly, if a man is going to cheat there are a variety of places he would/can go, but a strip club - from what little I know about their inner workings personally - would not be the place I would think of.

I can think of two websites off the top of my head that are easy if you’re not picky on the person and just want the act.

I can also think of one place that many affairs start at that most people wouldn’t think of: Church. I’ve seen many adults in churches where there is more drama within the adults as far as intra-church adultery/cheating than within the teenagers of that church with who is dating who!

By Amy

July 14, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

Adam and Eve, and the SNAKE?! lol, you’ve got to be kidding me.

Fantasizing=normal.

Paying naked women to simulate sex=not okay.

By momtoAlex&Max

July 14, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

OK, so here I have a story told to me by a male co-worker about an experience he had in a strip club.

This happened in Reno and it was bachelor party. The group included the groom to be (of course) and several of his friends including my co-worker and (get ready now) the bride’s brother.

So they are all acting like idiots of course and at one point they decide that they want to get a private room. They flash some money so some girl will talk to them and she tells them that sure a private room is $500. So they pool some money and were getting ready to when she says: “No, its $500 EACH”. So they decide that they will just send the groom to be in.

Some time later, the girl comes out and says she needs more money. At this point my co-worker cannot remember the details as to why she needed more money, but they gave it her anyways. At that point the BRIDE’S BROTHER is looking kinda annoyed and when my co-worker asked him if he was ok, the bride’s brother said: “Well, at this point, I don’t know what would be worse, that he’s in there cheating on my sister or that he is NOT in there cheating on my sister after we gave that girl all our money”.

By JJ

July 14, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

jg* Sorry, Can’t answer that one, haven’t been in that situation yet. I like to cross bridges when I get to them.

The Barbie Bandits parents gave up on them way too soon. Ther kids’ ran that house, not the parents. This is what happens when you allow your kids to run over you, and give them everything!!!!

Are you Jessie’sGirl (jg) incognito?

MomtoAlex… So he can do anything with anyone, any time, anywhere? Why prohibit Strip Clubs? You are basically giving him permission to have an affair (any thing with anyone), but not go to a strip club?

By idiotswife

July 14, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

I’m the wife of one of the idiots (:-)) mentioned in Theresa’s blog today. A couple of things to think about: they met in college and did some fairly stupid things in their late teens early twenties - who didn’t? I was around to witness pretty much all of it and will tell you that the things they did were not really very bad at all. They mostly consisted of staying up till all hours of the night playing cards and video games and skipping class here and there. They were just typical piggy college guys who were and still are inherently good people. I would go so far as to say that their college stories and adventures were on the tame side and wouldn’t be able to hold a candle to the stories we’ve heard from other people since then.

I just also want to clarify that the guys only went one time to a strip club when it wasn’t one of their friends bachelor parties - that was the infamous night of $1800. Whether going to strip clubs for a bachelor party is right or wrong is another blog topic for another day and is water under the bridge at this point - I didn’t have a problem with it way back then. These were also days when the guys were much younger, no kids, etc. My husband and I have already discussed why strip clubs are bad news in our family and he wouldn’t ever go to one now (exploitation of women, etc.). Also, the families didn’t go to the wedding this weekend because it was the grooms fourth - yes fourth - wedding and Theresa and I didn’t feel like dragging our kids and ourselves that far for the occasion. I told my husband that he was more than welcome to go to support his friend and have fun but the kids and I would rather stay home, thank you. I never gave it another thought.

Some of the posters seem to be under the impression that these guys are going out all of the time together. I think I should point out that this couldn’t be further from the truth. The guys don’t actually get together very often because as Theresa said they are very good husbands, fathers, and providers and as such their families are their number one priority. They generally find the time to go to the occasional Georgia game and other than that they only see each other once a year or so. They talk on the phone on a regular basis to keep in touch but that’s about it. I have absolutely no problem with my husband going out with his friends (it no longer involves strip clubs for the above mentioned reason) and they don’t actually do anything terribly interesting these days when they DO get together. I like to think that it’s because they’re finally maturing a little :-). Final point - all of these guys are good, upstanding, family men that would never do anything to endanger their marriages or their wives trust and I know that. Theresa knows this too. I’m pretty sure that the blog topic was meant to be humorous and poke a little fun at the guys and that’s about it.

By Amy

July 14, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

For those husbands who think it’s appropriate to visit strip clubs, I wonder if they would be ok with the situation reversed…that is, their wives stripping for other men…

By jg

July 14, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

no not jessie’s girl - never did like rick springfield!! or fantasize about him either!

By Celeste

July 14, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

Theresa - it’s not that his IQ (intelligence quotient) plummets, it’s that his PQ (penis quotient) improves.

By momtoAlex&Max

July 14, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

JJ, sorry I guess that I did not mean it quite that literally. I mean that I will not be one of “those wives” that tries to control their husbands activities and/or friendships. But strip clubs are forbidden because he becomes an idiot when he goes to one and he ends up spending waaaaaaaaaaaay more money than WE can afford. Nothing like that EVER happends with ANY other activity that he does with said idiot friends (i.e. go golfing, go to a pub, a baseball game, what-have-you), but for some reason strip clubs bring out the worst in him.

By JJ

July 14, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Sorry Mom I had to call you out on that one…….

Amy The men aren’t stripping for the women. I think your question should have been “how do men feel about their wives going to Male Strip Clubs”, which by the way are called Male Reviews.

Now, what would you do if you are at a bridal shower or a female’s birthday, and a male stripper shows up? Would you leave?

We hired a male stripper on Girlfriend weekend for one of the girls who turned 50. We had a blast, and guess what, no one’s getting a divorce because of it. And yes, the guys all knew about it. Hell, her husband even suggested it to the “Planning Committee”…..

By jg

July 14, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

a group of girl’s celebrated our birthdays and wound up at the Coronet Club MANY years ago….my friend was talking to one of the naked men and pointing at me - he saunters over to me - puts his arm around me and says “hi my name is (same name as my son)” - needless to say I freaked out - and went home back to reality!

By Help Is Just A Call Away

July 14, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

It sounds like your husband has a drinking problem. I’d recommend he enroll in a substance abuse program before he hurts himself or others.

By Becky

July 14, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

jg, I had something like that happen to me once..Went to see some male strippers & one guy walked up to me(right in front of my boss) & started a nice little chat..Was telling me about things that “we” had done years before..It was only after the show that I found out, he was my ex’s old roomate…

By BlondeHoney

July 14, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

JJ, I’m with you all the way we all gotta let each other do our own things. If a guy’s gonna do something it won’t be in a strip club and to Jeff’s point, one guy I know that cheats and carries on wouldn’t be caught dead in a strip club AND he is in church very piously every sunday. And male reviews are a BLAST :)

By Becky

July 14, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

As for the poster that said, how would the husband feel if the tables were turned, a lot (that I know) of male dancers are gay..

By Theresa

July 14, 2008 5:34 PM | Link to this

i’d like to say hello to my friend the idiot’s wife — I think she explained things well and I appreciate that she’s not mad at me for writing about their past —— The weekend did turn out to be very mild!! My husband called multiple times because he was kind of bored at both the party and the wedding —-so it all turned out well and not much money was spent — so that is all good — I do think that most of their past exploits were just boys being boys — the strip club thing is the only thing was bothers me now but doesn’t seem to be something they’re doing since we had kids —-

By Alpha Dog

July 14, 2008 5:37 PM | Link to this

Theresa, Lighten up. Michael did not give up his gonads when he got married. He is a grown man and entitled to enjoy himself when, where and how he desires. You say they are “great guys. They have respectable jobs and work hard to support their families”. As long as he takes care of business on the home front, let him do his thing with the boys and have dinner ready for him when he gets home.

By Alpha Dog

July 14, 2008 5:39 PM | Link to this

P.S. This is exactly why many men don’t want to get married these days. The don’t want to give up their freedom to a whiney, power clutching woman.

By Jacketed Hollowpoint

July 14, 2008 5:44 PM | Link to this

That he attended an Ice-T concert was your first tip-off. The strip club thing was a second.

That you married him anyway—and publicly write about his tawdry behavior— may speak to your IQ as much as his.

I suppose that’s why sitcoms such as “Roseanne” were so popular—people see themselves in the characters.

By Leigh

July 14, 2008 6:01 PM | Link to this

Well, you asked.

By momtoAlex&Max

July 14, 2008 6:03 PM | Link to this

See, Alpha Dog’s attitude is EXACTLY the kind of crap I don’t want to deal with. I hate it that is has come to me having to put my foot down on such a stupid issue. I just know that my husband’s idiot friends think that of me, that I am a “whiney, power clutching woman” that wants her husband to cut off his “gonads”.

But you know what Alpha moron? You are not the one that has to deal with the aftermath of him overspending and then not having enough to pay the bills that month.

And for those that are thinking it, yeah, bitter much?

By Lauren

July 14, 2008 6:19 PM | Link to this

Funny column, Theresa. If you are married long enough your spouse will do something that, if you are lucky, just makes you roll your eyes and curse. Michael does not make a habit of this behavior, if he did it would be different. But Theresa, if you didn’t thing this column would draw out the holier-than-thous who love to put you down then you are crazy! My one comment is that my husband and I live on a budget and each of us has some money each month that we can spend on whatever we want without having to justify it (obviously we can’t spend in on adultry or anything like that). If my husband had gone out and had an $1800 night out for anything he would have had to pony up and pay for it out of his money. NO WAY would that have come from the household/famliy budget. Just sayin’ what would have happened in my house.

By Brock

July 14, 2008 6:19 PM | Link to this

Of course women don’t understand why men go to strip clubs, they’re not men. I bet if I went into some of you ladies’ houses, I could point to many items that also make no economic sense, and where you outspend your man many times over. But woe be unto a man who questions that! Think anything “cute” and shoes for example.

And I wonder how many men, when free of controlling apron strings, overreact some when they get a few moments of freedom. Lighten up, and you’ll be rewarded by your man.

By OhTheDrama

July 14, 2008 6:36 PM | Link to this

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I would so not be okay with this. As I see it, my husband and I have worked too hard for the life we have to risk it all on a night of foolishness. Having fun is one thing, but your husband behavior sound TOO risky for my tastes.

By Ben

July 14, 2008 6:44 PM | Link to this

If you expect him to come help when your car breaks down or you have a flat tire, then you shouldn’t have a problem picking him up on one of the few nights he has to get away and be one of the guys. I’m willing to bet you do plenty of things that are pretty girly. If you can’t let him be a guy then maybe you should find yourself a woman instead. Mostly you sound pretty selfish.

As far as strip clubs go, get over it. Either you trust him, or you don’t. And if you don’t, then you have bigger problems than him going to a strip club.

By FCM

July 14, 2008 7:18 PM | Link to this

Theresa, I luv ya…as much as I can via blogville and more than 2 years of reading your stuff…HOWEVER, I didn’t get that you were joking in this….I read it yesterday and I saw it as you were concerned that Michael would consider (if not act on) a stupid idea.

Idiotswife—I loved what you wrote. I can totally see where you came from, and since Theresa thanked you for the sum up…I think she is on the same page as you.

Together for 12—give him ONE card and then LOWER the limit???? Can we say controlling with trust issues? I don’t mean to sound judgemental but sheeesh! Is he the husband or a kid?

No, I am not a big fan of strips clubs. I do not want my daughter (or her friends) working in one. However, the women I have known who worked in them were decent folks who trying to raise kids—as single mom’s with little opportunity or education. They also tipped well when I waited tables.

All that said, I think it is good for the guys to be able to lower their IQ and be ‘boys’. The world has lots of stress: Mortgage, stock market, family, job insecurity in a global market, aging parents, car payments, doctor bills, college funds, coaching little league, getting the yard done, helping with the house chores…blah,blah, blah…Just like Theresa needed a day at the SPA, Michael needs a day (my guess is as a sports writer a day at a game is work not relaxing)…Sheesh, Theresa might need a weekend at Hilton Head or Myrtle Beach…personally I want a day in Cancun—

There was that scene in Sex in the City where they all head to Mexico and be themselves…I think they oogled the pool boys, drank Margaritas, and basically just hung out….its the same thing only guy style.

By KJ

July 14, 2008 7:27 PM | Link to this

We now return to the Estrogen network…

Host: Men!

Crowd: BOOOOO!

Homer: (hitting the remote) Cancelled.

By FCM

July 14, 2008 7:29 PM | Link to this

Nurse and Mom….I have been there with a guy who ‘lost’ his paycheck on the way home….never knew where he lost it (maybe his g/f knew)….In that case, where its a ‘habit’ or a real threat to the family…OF COURSE put your foot down or shove it up his….well anyway I am bitter on that…In my case it was one of the contributing factors to the dissolution of my marriage.

In this case were talking about responsible men (idiotswife and Theresa have reiterated this)…who just get together and be ‘boys with toys’…if they do it within reasonable limits that in no way jepordize their families wellbeing (including the finances) I have no issue with it….In fact I might encourage it…

As to the adultry in church…can you say Baker or Falwell? They ain’t the only ones folks…Glasses houses!

By Theresa

July 14, 2008 7:32 PM | Link to this

FCM — as soon as this baby’s done nursing I am soo going away alone — I haven’t been alone in 7 years!!!! Next week’s column is on how the weaning is going!!

By Lauren

July 14, 2008 8:02 PM | Link to this

Theresa, I love your last comment! Being alone for a short while sounds so wonderful. I love family life and wouldn’t trade it for anything but I am a SAHM and have also not had one moment alone since the first kid was born alost 10 years ago. My youngest is only 22 months and it will be a few more years before she is in school so I have a while to go yet. I think the first day I have them all in school and have a few hours to myself I am going to go crazy.

By robo

July 15, 2008 7:00 AM | Link to this

Reading this drivel and the shrill poster’s comments regarding their unbelief that men like to see women naked, makes me love my wife even more. I am blessed that I don’t have to hear that crap. My wife knows that I love her and, she just wants me to be happy. Isn’t that a terrible thing, all of you insecure, dryed up women on this board? Example: I go out west every summer to climb mountains and party with my buddies. This year was a blast, two summits, lots of extreme adenaline flow, and beer rivers afterwards. I always feel so alive on these trips, and my beautiful wife of 19 years asked why we didn’t stop at Larry Flynt’s “Hustler” club on the way back through St. Louis. Guys, you gotta love that.

She couldn’t care less, because she knows I am happy, that I love her, not the strippers or the climbers, and I come back a man on a mission, which includes some bedroom adventures with her and only her, for which she seems pretty thankful, once she catches her breath.

By Chill out people

July 15, 2008 7:20 AM | Link to this

Chill out people! I was actually laughing while reading this. Sounds like Theresa and her husband have a great relationship. The fact that she can turn those moments into humor says something. Great article Theresa!!! While reading it, I thought you were talking about my husband.

By Becky

July 15, 2008 8:33 AM | Link to this

Robo, that’s just how my husband of 15 years feels..Thank you..

By robo

July 15, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this

“By Becky”

Watch out, you and your loving husband might be sentenced to a long and happy life together, where you love each other and just want happiness for each other. The shame of it, when you and he could be having fun playing ego, power, and control games, right?

I feel soooooo left out, NOT!

By Jesse's Girl

July 15, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Wow! I really did miss a good one yesterday! Um…Mr Jesse has been to a booby-bar one time. And he came away feeling sorry for some of the girls there. It started out as a mission to have a good time with his buds at a bachelor party and just ended with all of them thankful they had ladies in their lives that didn’t have to do that. We have had the booby-bar discussion a few times. Its just not a place he feels is appropriate to be. Not to be too heavy….but we really try to ask ourselves 2 questions when faced with iffy situations. #1…would our children be affected and #2…would God be proud of us.

I know that those girls…and some guys…do it mainly to make ends meet. But when people go to those places….it only perpetuates the need for that kind of industry. I am certainly not judging those who work there or who choose to frequent them. Thats a personal issue. But there are SO many other things to do with one’s time and money that can add some spice:)

By nurse&mother

July 15, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

FCM did I miss something? I’m not sure if your post to me was related to my post yesterday? To change the subject, how is the new job going? I hope well. We all miss your daily posts. Take care.

By beentheredonethat

July 15, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

When my daughter got married last year, the driver of the batchelor party never showed up, so my husband asked me to drive them to the strip club and come back to pick them up. This was all cool with me, I’m not stupid, I know what goes on. Well, I dropped them off, went home, waited for the call which came around 2 a.m., my husband says to me “come and get me, these w******* are trying to get me.” I’m thinking whatever. So it takes me about 15 minutes to get there as there is not traffic at 2 in the morning. I call my soon to be son-in-law to let him know I’m approaching have everyone outside. Well needless to say, when I entered the parking lot, everyone with the exception of my husband (the father of the bride) was outside in the parking lot waiting. Everyone else had gotten kicked out of the club and he was “conveniently” not around when it happened. The owners would not let the other guys go in and get my husband, so after about 20 minutes of waiting for him to come out, I had to go in and get him. I was so nervous, I tried standing around to see if I saw him so that I could send the bouncer over to get him, as I had my pj’s on, my hair was all over my head, I was a hot mess, and felt very insecure. I finally spotted his shirt, I proceeded to walk over to get him, and as soon as I hit the corner, I saw him getting a lap dance and the look in his eyes and the expression on his face was just to much for me!! I walked up and gently tapped him on his leg and asked him if he was ready to go! When he looked up and realized I was standing there, it was like he had just seen Jesus. The buzz and the lust immediately left his eyes, and was replaced by hurt, saddness, and regret. I’m not sure what I expected to see when I went in there, but I surely did not expect to see my husband being a part of the show, he was not even the groom!! He was touching, groping, grabbing and talking to her as if it were me. It took me a very long time to get over that, and I’m still not completely over it. I think my biggest issue with the whole situation, was the expression on his face, I’ve seen it to many times to know exactly where his mind was, and the fact that he was talking to her , all of it was just to real for me, We had to go to counseling and everything, and as I said before, I’m still not over it.

By Becky

July 15, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

Yeah robo, that would be tough..

By Jesse's Girl

July 15, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

Thats my point Beenthere!! Places like that are inappropriate for the average married primate. Their inner dumb a$$ kicks in and people get hurt. Its best to just leave it to the others….

By don

July 15, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

Those men and women who think that its okay to go to a strip club are ignorant fools who will pay sorely for their naivety. Their marriages will fail and their children will learn from their poor examples. What do you think it does to a 10 year old boy or girl knowing their Daddy goes to strip club and Mommy has her “fun weekend” too? Don’t be so stupid and think your kids won’t find out and when they do don’t be surprised your son is addicted to porn or worse and your daughter gets one on the many contagious STDs or worse. Take a lesson from “been there done that” and stop behavior that will embarrass you WHEN your 10 year son or daughter old find out.

By GeoffDawg

July 15, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

Your husband was in Athens a few years ahead of me but he sounds like somebody I would’ve hung out with. Makes me nostalgic for my fraternity days.

By GeoffDawg

July 15, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

Buzzkill of the week award goes to don.

By robo

July 15, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Don,

If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Check your son’s computer for porn and make your daughter go to the Doctor, for crying out loud, just quit being so shrill and judgmental. Truth is, the female body appeals to the eye, mind and soul. I have no idea how women can stomach looking at us males, because we are so much uglier. If I was a woman, I would be lesbian.

By Joseph Camp

July 15, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

I was offended by your title and first few sentences. However, as I read on I understood. You have good reason for your article title and your concern. I have attended a few of these “events” gone out-of-hand. Only the wisdom gained from my own past painful morning-after’s have kept me out of trouble. He’d better behave.

By Kid's Dad

July 15, 2008 7:58 PM | Link to this

teresa, I’ve read a few of your blogs before and I remember ocassionally that you mentioned that you taught CCD at your Catholic church. I have to take exception to your comment that you give your husband slack for the visits to strip clubs because, after all, they were more accepted in the 80’s? Religion aside (please), a person, let alone a mother of 3 and feminist, of any moral standing would not ever casually acknowledge the acceptance of these clubs, under any circumstances, If you do however, please refrain in the future from telling us about your church activities.

By FCM

July 17, 2008 7:31 PM | Link to this

Theresa! Good for you getting some YOU time in…where ya going? Make it cool. Can I go? I think the last time I went on a trip alone it was a business trip to Dallas….ugh! I am so thinking Cancun with some cute cabana boys….It can be “How FCM got her groove back”…HEHEHE!

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