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June 2008

Love it or hate it: Those white-shirt beach photos?

Redneck or high-class, how do you feel about the all-white clothes beach photos? Does it depend on the way it’s executed?

We took a short beach trip to Savannah last week with my extended family (which I will be writing more about later), and we saw multiple families on the beach shooting the all-white clothes family beach photos. One family all had on white T-shirts with khaki shorts. The other had little girls and moms in white sundresses.

I think this is a concept you either love or hate.

It seems like families used to have professional photographers come and shoot the photos, but now it seems like more families are just doing it themselves.

Have you ever shot your family in matching outfits on the beach? What is the appeal of the shots? Did you use them as Christmas cards or just to have at your house? Was it hard to get everyone to agree to it? What was the dress code — T-shirts or dressier white outfits?

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Summer jobs for teens: good work if you can find it?

Are your teens working this summer?

When I was a teenager, I loved my summer jobs. I worked at my local tennis pro shop making minimum wage, plus a small commission for every tennis racket I would string. I was given a discount on gear, including the shoes I seemed to destroy almost weekly. The second I clocked out, I was playing on the courts a few feet away.

Though my paychecks were never substantial (minimum wage was $3.35 at the time and the shop only needed me a few hours per week), the lessons I learned were worth much more than my meager after-tax earnings. The responsibility of opening /closing the shop, the reality of income tax withholdings, the importance of customer service and time management were just a few things that job taught me.

The summer before I left for university, I took a part-time job at an architecture firm - working more hours and getting paid above minimum wage. Mainly, I filed things and made blueprints. I developed a strong interest in architecture and pocketed a lot more money to pay for summer fun and upcoming college expenses. I also continued to work a few hours a week at the pro shop.

The summer job market for today’s teens is not so hot. Many businesses have cut back on hiring, and even traditional “teenage” jobs like flipping burgers or working at the mall are often being filled by adults.

Even if they do have a job, today’s teens - along with others working for minimum wage - only earn about $5.85 per hour. That will increase toward the end of July, when the federal minimum wage rises to $6.55. Still, with everyone paying $4 per gallon at the pump and the costs of food and entertainment going up, that leaves little left in a teenager’s paycheck. Some teens with the choice are opting not to work. They don’t see the point.

So, if your teenagers don’t have a job right now, they’re not alone. If they want to earn some money this summer - or if you want them to gain some life experience - they may have to get creative and start their own business.

Are your teens working this summer? If so, in what line of work? Are they making enough to offset gas and entertainment costs? Do you have young entrepreneurs in your house? How did they get started? If your teens aren’t working, what are they doing with their time this summer? Are you helping fund their summer activities?

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Have your kids ever given up meat?

About couple of months ago, my oldest daughter woke up, ate bacon and eggs for breakfast, had a piece of pepperoni pizza for lunch and had sworn off all meat by dinner. She has been a vegetarian - no meat, fish or poultry - since then.

Her decision still seems a bit out of the blue to me. She had never expressed a distaste or disgust for meat, and I can’t think of anything that happened between lunch and dinner that day that would have sparked her choice. But she eats eggs and dairy products and seems to enjoy the meat substitutes, so the transition has been pretty smooth.

I remember reading several months ago that a growing number of kids are becoming vegetarians. The figure I saw was that about three percent of Americans aged 8-18 have switched to meatless diets, up one percent from an earlier study. Vegetarianism isn’t sweeping the nation’s youth, but it is growing. (The poll didn’t reflect if the kids’ vegetarian diets were long-lasting or just a phase.)

I have gone through two vegetarian “phases” in my life - once as a kid when my parents announced the steak on my plate was actually Bob, the bull on my family’s farm. That disconcerting bit of news turned me off of meat for a while, but it wasn’t very long. As an adult, I simply lost the taste for meat and didn’t eat it for a few years. When I was pregnant with my second child, I was so anemic that in my 8th month, the doctors and nurses said if I wasn’t morally or religiously opposed, I should really consider eating a steak or ten. I went to Capital Grille, at a proper steak and began to say goodbye to iron deficiency. Though I don’t eat much of it these days, I still do eat and prepare meat at home.

The summer is probably a good time for my daughter to make the switch to a meat-free diet, because it actually gives me time to prepare a well-balanced vegetarian menu for her. I still need to figure out what she will take for lunch when school starts back, but I have time to figure that one out.

Have your kids ever gone through a vegetarian phase? What brought it on and did it last? Do other members of the family eat meat while your child doesn’t? How do you balance the nutritional needs of growing children and their dietary restrictions with young (often picky) palettes? Do your kids have friends who are also vegetarians or have they found it difficult to stick to their diets at parties or other gatherings with friends?

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Camp Rock or Camp Rock-A-Bye-Baby?

Can we keep our kids from growing up too quickly?

Keith Still is filling in this week for Theresa, who is away on vacation.

For parents of boys or any child younger than 5, last week may have been like any other week in June. For me — and I suspect for many mothers of girls — last week was a bit unnerving.

First, news spread that a group of 17 girls in Gloucester, Mass. might have made a pact to get pregnant. One even supposedly slept with a 24-year-old homeless man in an effort to conceive. The schools superintendent said girls with positive pregnancy tests appeared happy and “high-fived” friends, while those with negative results seemed upset. The mayor of that town says no evidence supports the pact rumor, but that the girls may have bonded over their similar situations after the fact.

Pact or no, the end result is the same - 17 kids, mostly high school sophomores, are about to become mothers. Now, I know teen pregnancies happen and that not all teen parents and their children are doomed. But I have to think the chances of success aren’t very good for these new moms. Once the excitement of that positive EPT wears off, will they be as excited about prenatal care or motherhood itself?

At the other extreme, last week was also the end of the countdown to the long-awaited Disney Channel premiere of Camp Rock, starring the Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato. At our house, that meant camping out in the family room with pizza and listening to our daughters excitedly squeal about how awesome it would be to sing and dance in Final Jam with the Jo Bros. Fortunately, they are still at the age where singing and dancing are the only things they would want to do with the Jo Bros. Kissing is, ummm, GROSS here at Camp Still.

The movie appeared to be a big hit with its target audience of six to 14 year-olds. Overall it brought in roughly nine million viewers in its Friday night debut. Say what you will about the movie, Camp Rock at least tried to show its young viewers that popularity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and that it’s more important to be yourself.

That’s not a bad message when you consider all of the other mixed signals today’s kids receive. Still, I can’t forget the expectant teen moms in Gloucester and the countless children - boys and girls - who are growing up faster than they need to. The Gloucester girls may have camped out a few years ago to watch the premiere of a much-anticipated Disney movie themselves. Perhaps they were squealing at High School Musical (1 or 2) or Jump In! not too long ago.

So how can we keep our kids from ditching Camp Rock for Camp Rock-A-Bye-Baby? What do you think of the pregnancy pact story or the trend of kids growing up too quickly? How do you help your kids sort the mixed messages they receive from friends, TV, music, etc.? Have you discussed the high-profile celebrity teen pregnancies (a la Jamie Lynn Spears)? If your kids are still at the Camp Rock stage, how do you prepare them for the trials of their next few years without killing their innocence?

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5 sad days without Daddy!

The kids missed him, the dog missed him, and I clogged the dishwasher without him. How do you handle spouses who must travel for work?

It is a normal state of affairs for many fathers (and mothers) to travel for business for weeks at a time. However, it sure stinks for the parent left behind with the kids.My husband departed for a five-day business trip last Sunday. Here are a few highlights from our week without Daddy.

SUNDAY

6 p.m. — Michael flies to New York. We head to my parent’s house to celebrate Father’s Day. Walsh takes nap while the other two play.

9:24 p.m. — Rose is sent out to the car for bad behavior while I gather our stuff to go home. Walsh follows her. There’s singing and screaming in the car while I’m getting embarrassingly detailed instructions from my Dad on where exactly to apply Gold Bond Lotion on Walsh’s private area. (He seems to be adjusting himself a lot. I’m not sure if it’s medical or just a boy thing.) My parents seem relieved we’re leaving.

9:35 p.m. — I decide no baths tonight except for Walsh.

10:35 p.m. — Rose and baby asleep. Walsh wide awake. He hangs out with me watching the Food Network until 12:45 a.m.

1:30 a.m. — Mommy falls asleep

4 a.m. — Baby wakes up

MONDAY

7 a.m. — Dog barking downstairs. Already pooped and peed in the kitchen before I get there. Clean up poop and pee and go back to bed.

10:30 a.m. — Rose and Walsh already had three fights. Rose sent to time out twice. I am regretting not leaving the house. Another fight breaks out. Rose is sent to her room.

1- 4 p.m. — Baby naps, and I work.

4 p.m. — I realize baby is awake and I didn’t get a shower. Play peek-a-boo with baby through sliding shower doors.

5 p.m. — Invite my parents to come over because I’m lonely. Promise to serve BBQ ribs.

6 p.m. — Rose requests wood and nails to practice hammering. Papa obliges, but then claims heart palpitations as the children make him edgy.

10:50 p.m. — I call Michael. No answer. It’s been 24 hours since we’ve talked.

12:30 a.m. — Get woken up by Michael calling back. He was sleeping.

TUESDAY

7 a.m. — Take dog out.

8:30 a.m. — Call the pediatrician to discus Walsh’s issue. Nurse feels certain he’s just discovered it and not to worry, but suggests Gold Bond powder to keep him dry in the heat.

10 a.m. — Go to the gym and then Target to buy some powder. Walsh gets in trouble for playing hide-n-seek in the clothes racks and Rose is making me nuts saying “sit down” in a German accent repeatedly for absolutely no reason.

2 p.m. — Rose has friend over. I tell the mom our house is not normally this messy.

5 p.m. — Rose friend’s mother comes to pick her up. Poor woman can’t leave the house because I keep blabbing to her.

6:30 p.m. — My mom offered to keep the baby for my Dad and me to take the kids to see “Kung Fu Panda.” While driving to the theater, Michael calls to tell me what he learned that day. The kids are yelling in the back, my dad is freaking out that I’m going to have an accident. I tell Michael while I am extremely interested, I can’t concentrate right then.

11 p.m. — Clean kitchen, pick up downstairs and wash clothes.

12 a.m. — Michael calls to say goodnight. (Total talk time that day five minutes.)

1 a.m. — Finally, bed time for mom.

WEDNESDAY

7 a.m. — Get up with dog. No poop — good day so far.

7:30 a.m. — I decided earlier that week to take all three children to get formal photos taken. Feed and then bathe all three children. Leave the house at 9:45 a.m. hoping baby will take a quick nap (she got up too early). Baby falls asleep at 10 a.m.. We sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes hoping that will be enough sleep to make her happy instead of grumpy.

10:30 — Baby wakes up but refuses to smile for photographer. After shooting a few great shots, Rose throws a fit and refuses to be in any more. My mother takes Rose to the car to finish her tantrum so I can choose photos. I’m so jarred by the time I get into the car I bust open a large bag of M&Ms that I had brought as treats for the kids. Only Walsh gets a mini-bag, and I eat two out of sheer stress.

3 p.m. — Column not written and due in less than 24 hours. Put baby in her crib hoping she’ll fall asleep. So far I’m just hearing her cry.

3:11 p.m. — Baby still crying. I stop work to go help her.

4 p.m. — Our sitter Cydney comes so I can work. Cydney feeds the kids and gets them ready for bed. Much better night with Cydney’s help.

THURSDAY

1:30 a.m. — Baby is awake and crying. Doesn’t want to go back to sleep.

2:04 a.m. — Came downstairs to let dog out. I realize Rose made a picture with Cydney that says: “Rose is in New York City and staying forever.” (I guess the acting out is due to missing Daddy. Now I feel bad for yelling.)

11 a.m. — Turned in column. Need to do massive cleaning job on car and house.

9:30 p.m. — Michael returns home. Thank God.

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Can caring for kids/home really be 50/50?

In studies, lesbian couples come closer to truly sharing family duties than most heterosexual couples. How well do you share the duties?

The New York Times Magazine posted a fantastic story examining the concept of “equally shared parenting” — where couples try to share 50/50 all housework and care of the children.

There is not a master and apprentice (as in moms is great at fixing hair and matching outfits, and Dad needs to follow her directions). In theory, Dad knows just as much about what is going on in the house as Mom and can change a diaper and clean out the refrigerator as efficiently. (The story is long but stick with it — loads of interesting material.)

The author gives great examples of how families are actually trying to make this lifestyle a reality, but also offers amazing statistics on how work is shared in most households. For example:

“Social scientists know in remarkable detail what goes on in the average American home. And they have calculated with great precision how little has changed in the roles of men and women. Any way you measure it, they say, women do about twice as much around the house as men.”

“The most recent figures from the University of Wisconsin’s National Survey of Families and Households show that the average wife does 31 hours of housework a week while the average husband does 14 — a ratio of slightly more than two to one. If you break out couples in which wives stay home and husbands are the sole earners, the number of hours goes up for women, to 38 hours of housework a week, and down a bit for men, to 12, a ratio of more than three to one. That makes sense, because the couple have defined home as one partner’s work.”

“But then break out the couples in which both husband and wife have full-time paying jobs. There, the wife does 28 hours of housework and the husband, 16. Just shy of two to one, which makes no sense at all.” “Where the housework ratio is two to one, the wife-to-husband ratio for child care in the United States is close to five to one. As with housework, that ratio does not change as much as you would expect when you account for who brings home a paycheck. In a family where Mom stays home and Dad goes to work, she spends 15 hours a week caring for children and he spends 2. In families in which both parents are wage earners, Mom’s average drops to 11 and Dad’s goes up to 3. Lest you think this is at least a significant improvement over our parents and grandparents, not so fast. ‘The most striking part,’ Blair says, ‘is that none of this is all that different, in terms of ratio, from 90 years ago.’ ”

The author goes on to explain that lesbian couples share things much more equally. In fact, 75 percent of those in one study considered themselves to be co-parents as opposed to 25 percent who said the birth-mother was primary parent.

” ‘Heterosexual couples can learn from gay couples about sharing housework and child care.’ says Esther D. Rothblum, a professor in the women’s studies department of San Diego State University whose comparative study of the relationships of 342 couples — lesbian, gay, heterosexual — was published in the journal Developmental Psychology in January. ‘They are good role models.’ ”

“It is not clear, however, why lesbian couples split parenting more equally. ‘Is it because you take gender out of the equation or because women are better at sharing or because parents of the same gender see things more similarly?’ asks Dr. Nanette Gartrell, a psychiatrist with the University of California at San Francisco who has been studying lesbian families for 22 years. ‘We don’t know,’ and won’t know, she says, until there is equivalent data on gay men who become parents.

What do you make of these studies? What do you think of the shared-parenting strategy? What did you think of the couples examined in the story? Would you be willing to ask for a three or four day work schedule to share more equally? Would you be willing to forgo that income?

Do you think couples need to work that hard to track who is doing what (the color-coordinated charts)? Do you think the parenting does become more equal as the children get older?

What do make of the lesbians sharing more equally than heterosexual couples? Is it something inherent to being women?

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Presidential candidates challenged to investigate immunizations

Mother challenges next president to weigh into vaccine controversy and order safety evaluations.

I’ve been trying to read more about immunizations and autism, and I ran across this Web site called the “Age of Autism - The Daily Newspaper of the Autism Epidemic.” If you weren’t worried about vaccines before, you will be after reading this site.

One of the articles that interested me the most was a petition from a mother requesting other moms to write into the candidates demanding that as president they begin investigating vaccine safety.

Rebecca Estepp, a mother of two whose oldest son has autism, has sent a DVD to the presidential candidates (including Hillary Clinton when she was still running) requesting the following:

“Candidates: The first Executive Order I would like you to consider is within the first 100 days of taking office, would you issue an Executive Order requiring the removal of MERCURY from all vaccines by January 1, 2010?”

“Mercury is STILL present in 94% of all flu vaccines. In fact, the amount of mercury present in one dose of flu vaccine exceeds EPA safety standards for human exposure for anyone who weighs less than 500 pounds. Mercury is a known neurotoxin and a toxin to the developing immune system. There is absolutely no reason to purposely inject mercury into our babies, much less into pregnant women and their fetuses.”

“With the tremendous talent, ability and resources available to the pharmaceutical Industry, they can comply with this order by producing vaccines in single dose vials. Government agencies charged with vaccine safety recommended that mercury be removed from children’s vaccines back In 1999. The recommendation to err on the side of caution has not been followed by industry, or enforced by those agencies.”

“In 2004, both candidates supported the removal of mercury from all vaccines while on the campaign trail. Unfortunately no action has been taken to date. I am asking the next Commander In Chief to please issue this order.”

“For the second Executive Order, Candidates: Within 100 days of taking office, would you issue an Order requiring a Moratorium on the addition of new vaccines to the recommended list for children, until the current vaccine schedule can be proven safe?”

“In 2008, children who follow the recommended vaccine schedule receive 48 doses of 14 vaccines by age 6 - more than twice the number of doses of vaccines that children got in 1983, when they received 23 doses of 7 vaccines. While it is unclear exactly what role this increase in the number of doses has played with regard to the health of American children, it is clear that new vaccines are not held to the same safety and testing standards that new drugs are.”

”It is also clear, as the CDC has recently admitted, that simultaneous vaccination is incompletely studied at time of licensure. Even though kids get multiple doses of vaccines in their doctor’s offices everyday.To ensure that the vaccines American children receive are as safe as possible, the next generation of children will need strong leadership from the next President who oversees the agencies that approve vaccines.”

”Public confidence in vaccine safety is essential for compliance. More and more parents are refusing or delaying vaccines out of a legitimate concern for safety as the number of sick children has risen along with the number of vaccines. Vaccination is a medical procedure that manipulates the immune system and alters the human body, not just a rite of passage . I am asking that they simply be held to the same rigorous testing standards as other drugs.”

“Issuing an Executive Order to stop adding more vaccines to the schedule until safety can be determined through those standards will be a step towards restoring public confidence and allow us to move forward ensuring that children are both protected from diseases and reducing the possibility of adverse reactions. …”;

“To all American citizens concerned with vaccine safety, I encourage you to send a link to this video request for these questions out through your email. My husband and thousands of other dedicated soldiers are fighting around the world to preserve our freedom of speech to let our leaders know when we see a need for change to improve the quality of life for American citizens. Children deserve to be protected from diseases that could harm or kill them. But we need to be sure that in our efforts to prevent disease, we haven’t created life long disabilities. Thank you.

info@mccain08hq.com

info@barackobama.com”

What do you think of this mother’s request? Do you think the next president should get involved with vaccine safety? Do you think the shot schedule should be re-evaluated at the least?

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Are your kids going to VBS?

Do you care what denomination Vacation Bible School they attend? Is it to keep them busy, give them some religion or both?

We had some friends over who just moved here from San Francisco and the mom was like “What is up with all the signs for VBS? What does that mean?”

It’s such a funny question to me because growing up in the South everybody went to Vacation Bible School. I guess other parts of the country don’t do VBS?

If you’re not familiar with the concept, let me explain what VBS is. It’s usually offered for a half-day session for about a week. The kids do crafts, play games and learn about religion and the Bible. Often they do little service projects related to the week’s theme. It’s sort of like a religious summer camp. Some kids hop between churches — attending the Baptist VBS one week and the Methodist one the next.

When I was little, the Catholic churches in Georgia didn’t really offer VBS so we hung out with the Baptists, which was always fun and informational. Now the Catholics have gotten on board so there are lots of choices out there. I’m not sure if the Jewish temples do a version of it too? (Moms let us know if you’ve attended a Jewish form of VBS.)

I taught last week at our church’s VBS. I went a little Baptist on them and wanted the kids to learn how to look things up in the Bibles and to memorize books from the New Testament. My own kids had a great time, learned a lot and were exhausted every day when they come home.

Is VBS a new concept to you? Are your kids going to Vacation Bible School this summer? How many VBSs will they be attending? Do they attend at denominations other than your own? Will you be helping too? Do think they like it?

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Blessings of being Daddy’s Girl

What type of relationship did you have with your father?

One of the best feelings in the world is knowing you’re Daddy’s Little Girl. You know you’re safe. You know he loves you. You know he’s going to help you.

I’ve been blessed with a close relationship with my father all my life. Ever since I was a child we’ve shared similar interests. We talked about history, government and politics together. We would watch “This Week with David Brinkley” after we got home from church and later would settle in for “60 Minutes,” which usually put me to sleep. I didn’t stand a chance against Mike Wallace and that ticking clock, but I appreciated that my Dad thought I was smart enough to pay attention.

He introduced me to classic movies and even now, if there’s a Judy Garland or Cary Grant movie on TV then we’re both sitting on our respective couches enjoying the show.

We love spy novels, historical fiction and autobiographies. He comes over and asks which books I have previewed for him. He only reads them if I’ve given my seal of approval.

He’s always been my biggest fan — praising me, listening to me and giving me confidence.

I always thought our relationship was unique but during the last seven years I’ve witnessed a similar one developing between my husband and our oldest daughter Rose.

Rose shares things with him that she never tells me. When he’s putting her to bed, they lie there in the dark and she tells him about her day. She tells him about her friendships and how she’s feeling. She talks about people that made her happy or who upset her. She coyly mentions boys that she thinks are “fascinating.” (I never get any of that action. When she gets off the school bus, she’s just grumpy.)

Their favorite topic of conversation is music. They pass an MP3 player back and forth. They make their play lists together. They dissect lyrics and discuss the meaning of songs. They also discuss how songs are structured. They do the same thing with movies, books and TV shows talking about symbolism and characters.

I think it’s interesting that both my dad and Michael have made it a point to share time and interests with their daughters. And I recently found something that explains why that matters so much.

North Carolina family therapist Jane Rosen-Grandon explains on her web site (http://www.dr-jane.com/) that fathers teach their daughters how to regard themselves, what kinds of relationships are healthy, what to look for in a partner and what to expect of men as parents.

“A daughter’s relationship with her father is usually her first male-female relationship,” she writes. “From Dad, little girls gain their first reflection of themselves as a female. They develop a sense of acceptance or non-acceptance; they feel valued or discounted. …”

She says Dads need to show their daughters that they respect them. Dads also need to demonstrate to their daughters that men and women can negotiate fairly.

“When fathers exercise absolute authority, and rigidly set rules, daughters quickly learn to rebel. If a father is overly-critical and all-powerful, men become the enemy. If a father is fair and listens to his daughter’s thoughts, she will gain self-confidence and pride in her own opinion…”

Dads also teach what to expect from a male-female relationship.” Daughters learn about marriage from watching Mom and Dad. If parents treat each other well, this becomes the expectation. If Dad is a tyrant, then men are regarded as essentially bad. If Dad is alcoholic or abusive, men are considered to be people who are allowed to get out of control and be hurtful. The unconscious conclusion is… ‘If Dad treats me well, I am a worthwhile individual. If Dad rejects me or criticizes me, I am no good.’ ”

These succinct paragraphs make so much sense to me. They explain why the father/daughter relationship needs to be nurtured so carefully. I’m glad that my Dad, and now my husband, have taken the time to get to know and support their daughters.

I want to wish all the dads a happy Father’s Day and let you know your little girls appreciate your love and care.

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Dads tell us what you want!

The moms of Atlanta are reading -- tell us what you really want for Father’s Day!

Dads here’s you chance! Quick tell us what you really want for Father’s Day — the moms are all reading.

I’m actually ahead of the game on this holiday. I’m going to tell my husband not to read today so he won’t see what he’s getting. (If you happen to work with or know my husband please don’t ruin the surprise.)

While researching the Fox Theatre column I saw that Chris Rock is coming to the Fox in July. My husband loves, loves Chris Rock so I got us tickets to see the show (obviously not the kids too). I think he’ll like getting out and getting a break. I’ve already got a babysitter lined up too. The kids are planning to make him some cards and other art work this week.

My Dad is a fan of classic movies (again a la the Fox Theatre story) so I ordered from TCM’s web site a Scene It! game that asks trivia questions just about classic movies. I also got him a subscription to the TCM viewer’s guide. There’s a couple of photos of him and the kids I should have made big prints of for him but I don’t think I have time now. Maybe that can be for his birthday.

Dads tell us what you would like to get from your wives, girlfriends and kids. Wives/girlfriends tell us what you’ve got planned — be sure to be secretive with your log ons just in case he’s looking!

If you’re stumped, the AJC has put together a great gift guide.

You can also submit photos of Dad.

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Cool off watching free movies

Many theaters around the city offer free summer movies during the daytime. The only problem is it’s often hard to find out what movie is showing when.

So just in time for the heatwave, cracker-jack reporter Lori Johnston has pulled together the free summer movie schedules for many of the metro-area theaters.We’ll keep the guide right here all summer long for your reference.

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Award-winning kid books for summer reading

We have compiled a list of award-winning books that should help keep your kids entertained and their minds from atrophying.

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Are we finally ready to talk about ‘Sex and the City’ movie?

Which character’s relationship/marriage did you relate to the most? Who seemed the happiest?

The attendance numbers are dropping off for the “Sex and the City” movie so I think maybe we are safe to finally talk about plot points (marriages and relationships) in the movie. I’m interested in this from a sociological standpoint of examining how couples interact and how marriages work or don’t work.

SPOILER ALERT!! SPOILER ALERT!! SPOILER ALERT!! (WE WILL BE REVEALING PLOT POINTS BEYOND THIS POINT!)

So let’s start with Big and Carrie. I personally was so angry at him for what he did that I wasn’t ready to forgive him by the end of the movie and wasn’t ready to believe that they would ride off into the sunset happily. I hate to say it but I see divorce coming around the bend.

And I’m sure I’ll get yelled at about this one but I think Samantha’s got a screw loose not being able to stay monogamous with a man who truly loved her. I can understand her complaints about wanting to buy the ring for herself — that’s about independence and self reliance. I can even understand her complaint about not enjoying being his manager anymore — that her whole life revolved around him. I think mothers actually feel this way a lot — their whole worlds revolve around their children and there’s nothing left that’s just their own. But I just can’t relate to her not being happy unless she’s having sex with multiple people, and in another 10 years (in Samantha’s 60s) I don’t think she’s going to have quite as many options to choose from.

On to Charlotte. Charlotte seemed to be the only truly happy one. Do you think unrealistically so? I think you are blissful when you’re pregnant or have just one child. I think Charlotte didn’t seem overworked or overstressed and so therefore was enjoying her child and husband. There are some women that are that lucky.

On the other hand, Miranda seemed to be working her A off like many (if not most) of the women I know and seemed stressed and trying to make the best of things in an imperfect world. I think Miranda’s relationship rang the most true to what I see with my friends — not so much the cheating but just the being pulled in so many directions.

I thought the Steve cheating part was weird. I just didn’t buy that Steve seemed like a cheater. He seemed like too much of a follower in their marriage to betray her like that. What did you think of Miranda’s reaction to Steve’s infidelity? Do you divorce after just one time? Could you forgive after just one time? Could Miranda have prevented the infidelity by giving Steve just a little bit more attention?

On to the reconciliation — I thought their counseling was an interesting process. I really liked the concept that if you showed up at the agreed upon meeting point then the past was forgotten. There would be no pulling the infidelity out in the middle of argument. It didn’t exist after that point. Do you think you could do that? Could you truly wipe the slate clean?

OK, give us your analysis. Which relationship rang true for you? Which relationship do you think you’re most like? In which relationship do you see your friends?

Permalink | Comments (32) | Post your comment | Categories: Family Life

Booty Camp potty trains in 1 day

A nurse in Chicago uses a group setting and lots of liquid to potty train in just one.

If you’re at work plug in your headset, if you’re at home turn down the volume, we have a video to watch.

There’s a new trendy potty training lady called of course “The Potty Whisperer.” She’s a nurse who has six kids of her own, and she holds “Booty Camp” in her home outside of Chicago. She says she can potty train your child in just one day.

Cue the video.

After watching the video I recognized a lot of the techniques she’s using — giving sugary drinks to make them go frequently, making the clean up their own messes, giving them praise when they go.

However, I didn’t have much luck with these techniques until my kids were truly ready to train.

I personally don’t believe that kids will train until they are physically and emotionally ready to do it, and the parents have to pay attention to their cues. You can want them to do it, but until they’re ready you’re just going to be banging your head against a wall.

The one thing I do see in this video that I think does work is seeing their peers going to the potty makes the other kids want to do it too. I don’t think it would work if she only was training one child at a time. I think in general kids in day care and in group sitter situations train faster than ones who are at home alone. They get excited seeing the other children go and get praise. They want to copy-cat and be in on the “fun.” It’s peer pressure at it’s finest, and it works well with swimming lessons too. (Have a kid who is afraid to go in? Put him with a bunch of other kids happily swimming, and he is more likely to choose to join in.) My niece was in a group sitter situation and had two other older girls at the home with her and she trained very early and very quickly. (She trained much earlier than my first daughter who was home alone with me.)

I also think that kids with older siblings generally train faster because they see the other kids do it and want to do it too. (For some reason I don’t think seeing the parents do it influences them as much as other kids.) Our son trained faster than our first daughter, and my 1-year-old already mimics pulling toilet paper off the roll, wiping her private area and throwing it in the toilet and that’s purely from her observing her siblings.

What do you think of this nurse’s techniques? What do you think of the group training theory? Do you think you can force a child to train before they are ready? Do you think you could do it in a day?

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Cool childhood movie memories

Been to Fabulous Fox summer film festival? What special summer things do you remember doing with family?

One of my favorite things about growing up in Atlanta was watching movies each summer at the glamorous Fox Theatre with my family.

We started attending the Fox’s Summer Film Festival in 1979 when I was 7-years-old, just one year after it launched. While some of the years have blended together, my memories of the theater and that special time with my family are still pretty vivid.

Screening a movie at the Fox was an event. My mother dressed us in our Sunday best and headed downtown hours before the show was to begin. We didn’t understand why we had to wear fancy slacks and dresses to see a movie, but after we walked in for the first time and saw the theater’s grandeur, we got it.

The line for tickets always wrapped around the building. We stood there melting in the summer heat hoping the movie wouldn’t sell out.

Once our tickets were secured, we were smashed into another waiting area behind the box office. It was covered but not quite inside. There was still no air condition. The movies were general admission so people pressed up against the doors hoping to get a jump on the best seats.

When those doors finally opened, cold air swept over the crowds. (I liked the freezing AC almost as much as the movies.) We always sat in the balcony and would race up several flights of stairs to nab our favorite seats — the front center row.

Since we had to get there early for those seats, there was always plenty of time for me and my big brother to explore the theater. The best comparison I can think of would be the Hogwarts Castle from Harry Potter. There were crazy staircases, tapestries, carvings and nooks to investigate.

I was obsessed with the fancy bathrooms and would fake needing to go over and over again before the show and at intermission. I remember heavy velvety curtains and marble windows cut into Xs that you could peek through. I knew the feeling of the decor was foreign even if I couldn’t place the country. I kept quizzing my non-detail oriented brother to find out if the boys’ bathroom looked the same.

Finally we’d settle back in our seats and I would study the theater itself. I was fascinated by these smaller balconies to the sides of the stage. I never saw anyone sit there and wondered if we just didn’t have anyone important enough to occupy them. I also wondered if they were actually wide enough to hold someone. (Deborah Garner of the Fox has confirmed 30 years later that they are merely facades. I am bummed by this revelation.)

Finally the lights would dim and the Mighty Mo organ would rise up through the stage. Remember I was 7 seeing this — I thought it was magic. We loved the sing-alongs and watching the organist stretch and reach to hit the foot pedals.

And then it was time for the sun to rise and set. I found this very relaxing. We would scoot our bottoms down in the seat and rest our heads of the back of the chairs. We watched as the orange glow passed across the starry ceiling. Sadly, Garner reports the Fox doesn’t do this anymore.

Besides the wonderful family time and exploring the beautiful theater, this was my first exposure to classic films. We didn’t have a VCR then (lots of families didn’t) and the Turner Classic Movie channel didn’t exist. The Fox Theater was my introduction to cinema beyond just “Star Wars” and “Jaws.”

I saw “Gone With the Wind” for the first time on the big screen (as it was meant to be seen), and saw it most years thereafter. We also regularly saw “My Fair Lady,” “The Sound of Music,” “Hello Dolly,” “Oklahoma” and “Moby Dick.” My brother must have been miserable but I loved all the singing, lush sets and costumes.

I do remembering suffering through “Dr. Zhivago” one year. (All I can recall are stampeding horses and lots of snow). One year they showed “Indiana Jones” and “Star Wars,” which made my brother very happy.

I haven’t been to the theater since we started having babies. As part of the Fox’s 30th anniversary of the summer film festival, it is showing “Dr. Suess’ Horton Hears a Who!” this Sunday. Maybe it’s time for my 7-year-old to start exploring the fabulous Fox Theatre.

Fox Theatre

Coca-Cola Summer Film Festival at the Fox

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How long should a kid stay when ‘spending the night’?

Night turns to day and the kid never leaves.

Our friend had the never-ending sleepover last week. The kid came at noon to go to the pool with the family and then spent the night and then didn’t leave until noon the next day. My friend seemed OK with that long period of time, but I don’t think I would want a kid around that long and I’m not sure my kids would either.

I kept predicting that the child would want to go home but she didn’t. (She’s an only child, and I think explains why she liked all the action at my friend’s house.)

How much time does the average “spend-the-night” invitation entail? Is 24 hours too much to ask of another parent? Would you let your child stay away that long?

Permalink | Comments (82) | Post your comment | Categories: Ethics of rearing kids today

Are you comfortable driving friends’ kids?

In today’s litigious society, are you comfortable chauffeuring other people’s children around town?

As we’ve gotten further into Girl Scouts, several occasions have arisen where moms were carpooling to save gas and time. It made logistical sense but it also made me nervous.

My mother and one close girlfriend are the only people that have ever driven my daughter anywhere — and that was usually within a pretty close distance of home.

I shared driving duties with another mom going to Loganville this spring and then offered to help two moms by taking their daughters to the Mall of Georgia for another event. I made the little girl I carried sit in a booster seat. I didn’t know how much she weighed and I felt safer with her strapped down. I’m sure she thought that was nuts. I didn’t end up taking the other girls with us on the Mall of Georgia outing, which was fine with me because it made me very nervous all that merging on big freeways.

Are you comfortable driving other people’s kids around? Are you comfortable with other parents driving your children? When did you start the practice? Do you make them sit in booster seats? Do you want to ask them about their driving record? Do you worry about any legal ramifications if God forbid something ever happened?

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Will regular sex prevent cheating?

Is having sex with your husband an insurance policy to keep him faithful?

I don’t want to ruin any plot points from the “Sex and the City” movie, but I do want to pose a question the movie explored (and alluded to in the trailer):

Will regular sex keep a husband from cheating?

Are there certain men that are going to cheat on their wives no matter how good their relationships are (ie — having sex and seemingly happy)?

Are there certain men that would only cheat if they weren’t getting “enough” sex at home?

In those cases, is not having sex not the problem but a symptom that there is something else wrong in the marriage?

Is having regular (or frequent) sex an insurance policy to keep your husband from straying?

Is their cheating actually our fault? (Don’t you think for one second I believe this — I’m just posing the question!)

Permalink | Comments (147) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationship

 

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