MOMania

By JJ

June 23, 2008 7:59 AM | Link to this

Oh Theresa, I DO NOT envy you. I am so happy to be the parent of ONE child.

Sounds like no one gets any sleep at your house.

You are going to need ALOT of coffee!!!

By JustMe

June 23, 2008 8:09 AM | Link to this

Sounds like you need a much better schedule for the kids to stick to….that way when one parent is not around, they know what they are expected to do & when. My husband traveled for work quite extensively last year & I am not a SAHM. We had no problems with him gone as we have a routine established…no matter if it is summer or during the school year. Also, when your husband travels, why not set up a scheduled phone call time so the kids could also speak to Daddy? That might cut down on some of the behavior issues. Just my $.02…

By Jesse's Girl

June 23, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

I’ve never actually been thankful that Jesse travels as much as he does. Until now of course…good Lord Theresa, hearing your account of the tribulations suffered while Michael was gone!!!! I guess we’re able to roll with it a little better. The day before Jesse leaves, he spends massive amounts of time with me and the kids. This seems to curtail any behavioral issues that may arise due to his absense. And no matter where he goes, he always calls me and the kids to say goodnight. He was in Brazil last week and had emailed the girls some phrases in Portugese….they were able to have their own strange conversation!

Theresa…it sounds like Michael’s not calling to say hi to you and the kids bothers you a bit. Tell him!! Its the kind of courtesy most men don’t come by naturally. I know you aren’t accustomed to him traveling for so many days….otherwise your week would have gone a little more smoothly. But until you find your footing sans Micael…perhaps making plans like formal pics and such should be saved for another time. Even with your mom there, it sounds like you and the kids were on edge.

By Lisa

June 23, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this

Theresa, I feel you.

My husband has to travel on business occasionally. I have two children 8 and 9. They are, for the most part, independent.

We are definitely a 2 parent house. I hate it when he has to leave.

By DB

June 23, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

I always said, “there’s a reason why God made a mommy AND a daddy!” Because it’s hard work doing it all. But single parents manage all the time, so I guess the rest of of us can figure it out, too. My husband has been working out of town for the last year, and will be gone for another two years on his current project. One week out, four days in, one week out, four days in, etc. Yeah, it basically bites, but “it is what it is”, and I try not to whine too much :-)

By A. Nony Mouse.

June 23, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Well I guess I wll be the first to say this today!

My God Theresa man up.

By hear hear

June 23, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

I’m with A Nony Mouse today. Rose needs to hear this phrase, and hear it often: “Missing Daddy is no excuse for bad behavior.” Repeat as needed.

By Numbers Guy

June 23, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

Am I the only one thinking Rose is gonna end up with issues surrounding cars? Ah, well, I guess everyone needs something to hash out with a therapist as an adult.

The wife is going to care for a sick friends for 8 days soon. Really looking forward to this. Not.

By Jeff in Roswell

June 23, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

It is tough when the spouse isn’t around but, you learn to make do. I hope it gets better for you. Why is Walsh up so late in the evening? That only leads to disaster.

By JJ

June 23, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

Theresa I have a friend who’s hubby travels alot. One of the perks she gets is when he comes home, she gets a night out with the girls, and hubby gets one-on-one with the child.

Does Michael give you a break like that? You might want to open that idea up for discussion……OR simply tell him, “I’m outta here”……!!!!

By MMY

June 23, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Hmmm. You think 5 days is bad how about seeing your husband every two months or so because his job is not doing any transfers right now. It really sounds like you got your hands full have you tried enrolling the older children in camp.

By new mom

June 23, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

I know I’m still a ‘newbie’ at being a mom, but a couple of things struck me when reading this. (to preface—I’m a sahm for our 9 mth old daughter, and my hubby also traveled last week, got in late Saturday night.)

I understand that things would definitely be different with 3 kids vs. our 1 baby, but when my hubby is out of town, I have a rule. Keep it simple! I make ZERO plans or appointments. Not that I plan for us to stay cooped up all week, but I want to be flexible and do things when it’s best timing for baby. Some things like doctor appointments are hard to avoid, but formal pictures? Love ya, Theresa, but are you NUTS???

Second, before my husband leaves, he tells me his schedule and when he plans to call. We work it out, time zone differences and all, so that he will get to talk to our baby before she goes to bed. If something comes up that keeps him from chatting, he still calls as a courtesy to say ‘hey we are going out to eat, can I call back later or in the morning?’ He knows how important it is to stay connected while he’s gone, and I really appreciate that about him.

I do sympathize with kids missing their daddy. I always tell our daughter that dada loves her, and she smiles. One day when I was changing her, I said dada was coming home soon, and when I said his name, she lifed her neck and craned her head to look down the hallway for him! It almost broke my heart. But—she is always so excited to see him when he gets home! So sweet!

One more thought on the discipline angle…When I was growing up, I knew I would be in double trouble if I acted up when my dad was out of town. We were always on our best behavior during those times!

By Joyce

June 23, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

My husband doesn’t travel, but my son and I definitely do better with a routine. That being said, my son (almost 6) and I sat down to make a schedule for when we’re home together, which is 2 days/week during the summer. First we made a list of the things that have to get done every day, and then the things we want to do. We blocked out times for play, my work, TV, housework, etc. Then we bought some poster board and some fun stickers to decorate and taped our “Home Schedule” up on the wall where we can consult it. He loves to look at it and see what’s coming at what time! Plus, it also lets him know that my work time has an end point and that I’ve scheduled in some play time with him. It’s not set in stone; if an outing comes up or something like that we can move stuff around.

I agree with what another poster said; you and Michael should set up a time when he can call and say hello.

By Jesse's Girl

June 23, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

I too was raised to be on my extra-special good behavior when my dad was gone. But growing up, this led to an odd relationship with my mom. No matter what…my dad was the one that got my respect. Not that I didn’t respect my mom..I did. But the practice of “wait till your dad gets home”…doesn’t sit well with me as a mother. My kids know that they are to behave and be respectful with me, me and dad, just dad, or heck….whoever! I do not have a democracy…I am the ruler of my home! And Jesse doesn’t let things slide either! My kids know this…they still try to show their sassy sides! But it never gets ignored…Come To Jesus meetings are frequent in our home!!

By new mom

June 23, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

This might be straying too far off the original subject, but has anyone else read ‘Screamfree Parenting’ by Hal Runkel? I was intrigued by the premise and bought it to add to hubby’s father’s day gift. Right now we’re reading chapters and discussing together. BTW, screaming refers to any emotional reaction, not just screaming!

The premise is this: our biggest enemy as parents is our own emotional reactivity, and we need to focus on ourselves first(an idea you rarely see in ‘parenting’ books.)

I am trying to put the ideas into practice with our 9 mth old, as she spits her cereal all over me or cries when I put her down for a second.

Have any of you other parents read this book? What did you think, and were you able to put the ideas to work?

By Jesse's Girl

June 23, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

Never read it..or anything like it. Every parent screams and overreacts sometimes. Its part of being a normal parent. This is doubly true if you are the parent of multiple children. While I appreciate the notion of reading these self help books…they do make some valid points…it all boils down to a little common sense. I yell at the kids when they are in immediate danger of hurting themselves or eachtother. I overreact when I am too tired to think straight…or when the human part of me gets too stressed. The thing to remember is to apologize and admit it when you are wrong. That shouldn’t make you feel as if you have free license to do whatever….I’m justa sayin’. Kids will overreact and yell because they are kids. And no book or action on your part will change that little fact of life.

By JJ

June 23, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

Screaming or yelling, does not have any affect on a teenager. They tune you out. I can see it in my daughter’s face when she tunes me out.

Just Saturday I found something out that she was doing that’s a no-no. I confronted her, but I didn’t yell. I talked to her in a normal voice, and I believe I got through to her.

But teens can just tune you right out. They get this “glazed” look on their faces, and you know you have lost them!!!!

I try not to over-react, but I am my mother’s daughter, and I do yell occassionaly, mostly out of frustration. Then I start swearing, and dropping the “F” bomb……

By Jesse's Girl

June 23, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

I cuss in Italian….they don’t know those words yet:)

By b

June 23, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

I have to say this really hit a nerve. My husband travels about 90% of the time and I have two very active children and I work outside the home in a very demanding job. It is not that big of a deal, although I do see behavior problems in my youngest when it has been three straight weeks. Nothing really changes in our everyday routines as I do most of the transportation, homework patrol, and make dinner anyway. The biggest difference is when I travel which is usually the one week he is home. I have to make elaborate plans, write out all of the activities to make sure that everyone is where they need to be. What would you do if your husband was serving in the military? People do this all the time; you need to get a grip.

By JJ

June 23, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

OMG you guys, I just read a horrible article about a day care in a small town in Texas. They were giving the kids “silly pills” VICODEN, and taping them performing sexual acts. FIVE YEAR OLD KIDS, BABIES. Two of the defendants have already received life in prison, and I believe there are others.

How absolutely disgusting. I think these people shouLd FRY!!!!!

I read it at Charter.net.

Horrible, horrible, horrible……..

By tbt628

June 23, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Theresa you need a routine!!! My husband is out of town all the time. We have 4 boys-7, 4, 3, and 2 months. I work full time and go to school part time. Without a schedule my life would be like yours last week.LOL!! We still have our moments but my boys know when they come home what to expect and what order it comes in. We run a tight ship Mon-Fri. and daddy calls every night at 7:45pm to say goodnight b/c 8pm is bedtime.

I use to laugh at my girlfriend who put her kids to bed so early like 7 pm and she told me that is her mommy time (she’s a SAHM). But now I am on the routine!!! It has made my life so much easier. I keep the same schedule even on the weekend. My only problem is when they go to grandma’s house I haven’t got her to follow my rules, which sometimes mess them up when they come home.

As for the book, I haven’t read it but with the screaming issue, I do have my moments as we all do including the boys. But I definitely notice that based on the emotion that I show to my children’s behavior it can either escalate or eliminate the problem.

By Amy

June 23, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

That sounded like a stressful week but it wasn’t too bad. It must make you feel confident to know that you can handle it, especially with help from your parents and everything.

I have to say that I agree with the other posters about you talking to your husband and asking him to call at a set time. With him not calling everyday and calling so late is just so hard on you. You need to hear that he’s okay and need someone to talk to (and even to vent!) about how the children have been. Also, the children didn’t get to talk to their father all week so that must have been hard on them and I agree that it probably was a part of the behavioral issues that they had.

If you’re having issues getting your son Walsh to go to bed, you could try reading the “No Cry Sleep Solution.” I’m reading it right now and it’s really helpful and informative.

Also, it’s so great that you have such amazing help from your parents. A lot of us don’t have that at all. It doesn’t replace your husband and the week was still rough, but imagine what it would’ve been like without them! So definitely be grateful for that :)

Luckily at this time my husband and I don’t travel for work. There is nobody around to help us at all, so it would really be difficult on either one of us if one of us did travel. But we would find a way to go work it out; you always do!

By O&A

June 23, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

What a bunch of incessant whining

By K

June 23, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

I bet your parents were glad your husband came home too. As someone else said, you are lucky to have them.

By JSP

June 23, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

JJ - disgusting article. YES, they should FRY, but slowly….

By carrie

June 23, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Theresa, I will join the chorus saying that you need a routine with your kids. I teach full-time and my husband works from 3 pm until 11 pm, so we are without Daddy every evening. While it’s enormously difficult, we have a routine, and everyone (including the 7 mo) is in bed by 8 pm. That way, I have some time to relax, and I can get to bed at a decent time as well. I have three kids too, and I don’t know how we would ever survive without a routine.

By new mom

June 23, 2008 5:08 PM | Link to this

I guess no one else has read the Screamfree Parenting book….so I will keep you guys posted on how it works out for us! And I just found their website: www.screamfree.com, in case you’re interested. They apparently have a radio show on Sunday afternoons on 750 wsb.

Now if they can just come up with a Screamfree 9 month old. Our little sweetums decided to start screaming at the grocery store today—not sad, upset screams, but ‘hey I can scream loud, listen to this’ screams! Then she would just smile really big at me….while I wanted to hide under our cart! so if you were in the grocery store with us, I apologize…

By Jesse's Girl

June 23, 2008 5:20 PM | Link to this

This won’t be last time you feel like hiding somewhere! Just wait until she starts talking and telling your business!! Thats a joy!

By hsiobhanc

June 23, 2008 5:26 PM | Link to this

i agree with some of the comments posted earlier, learn to deal with it. it’s tough yes, and everyone will have there days as essentially a single parent that are tough, but one you set out the gate on day one already half beat, it’s time to reevaluate your system. i am a mother of 3 children under 10, with an exmilitary spouse. the first time he deployed our son was 4, the girls 1 and 2. we were stationed in the south away from all our family and i had to learn to deal, no one to run to when they are getting on your nerves. it was all about routines, and consistency, don;t let them get away with things just cause daddy isn;t there. don;t let daddy not being there make you helpless. you have to gain and keep control of your kids.

By catlady

June 23, 2008 5:32 PM | Link to this

Teresa, I hope you are never really on your own. Deep breath and get a grip, honey!

By will

June 23, 2008 6:08 PM | Link to this

Thanks for reminding me that it was a good idea for me not to have kids.

By Jesse's Girl

June 23, 2008 6:25 PM | Link to this

Let me give you a run down of my day…with or without Mr Jesse.

6-6:30 am…get up after hitting the snooze button too many times.

6:30-7am…ME time. Coffee, a little Bible or Bible study read. Good for the soul.

7am…All hell breaks lose. The Boy is awake and its hungry

7:01…The Boy wakes the sisters.

7:05…One of the sisters punches him in the head

7:06…The Boy flies up the stairs to report the assault.

7:08…I throw up a hand and demand quiet…I’ve only had one cup of coffee.

7:15…The girls come up from their basement apt/dungeon requesting different breakfast goodies. I announce I do not run a diner..you get what you get and this morning its Cheerios.

7:30…I shower

7:32…Someone comes in to report a fight. I ask if blood is being shed, its usually not. So I scream, “GET OUT!!!!!!”

8am…I am dressed and ready to begin my work. In theory…

8:07…Shouting and fighting resume. I consider thumps on the head but reconsider as it may leave a mark. So I threaten with whatever comes to mind.

8:15…The Boy wants to be fed again. So I spend the next 20 minutes throwing raisins up in the air as he catches them in his mouth. It entertains him and I get some modecum of work done.

9am…The daily chores begin for the kids. Luckily they aren’t too bright and have yet to discover the “get it done fast so we can play” rule. Their ill-spent time affords me enough to get some real work done.

11am…Someone is hungry again

noon…Get a phone call about an emergency with a project. Which usually happens once a week or so. Call the sitter and she comes over with her bag of magic in tow. She is in Homepathic med school…she soothes the children with some sort of reflexology mo-jo. I make a mental note to to take notes.

1pm…Arrive at the studio; avert crisis and get stuck doing things that should have been done 100 years ago.

4pm…Get back home. If Jesse has been home in his office working, he is watching sports..or playing the Wii…with the kids now. If he’s been out of town, sitter gives my eyes and hands a look-see and tells me to eat more colorful foods. I agree, but tell her that I’d still cut her for a french fry.

4:01…everyone in my house screams “Whats for dinner?”…including Jesse. And if he’s gone, he still calls to ask just to irk me.

4:05…Realize I have gotten home in time to cook a grand meal and begin searching through my ripped from the magazine recipes in search of the perfect one.

4:15-6pm…Realize who the hell I am and whip out the frozen bag of chicken tenderloins, pour BBQ sauce over them and over bake. Throw in some Sister Shubert’s yeast rolls and suddenly I’ve become the bestest mom in the whole world. But then I roll out the peas and its like Satan himself has decided to dine with us.

6pm…serve dinner

6:03…Explain for the 82nd time that no son…tooting at the table is not an Indian custom done as a sign of thanks. That would be burping and its only in small regions of the country.(way too much discovery channel)

6:15…Give up on dinner having any decorum or class..I mean this is us we’re talking about.

7pm…Everyone gets a shower. And no one needs it more than me.

8pm…all offspring retire to their rooms. The Boy must actually sleep while the sisters can stay up and read.

8:01…I pour myself a generous glass of Chateu De Paupe.

8:02-11pm…veg out with my honey…or whatever McStud is on the tube if mine is away.

11pm…get the frick in the bed and start it all again tomorrow. Except The Boy will burp at dinner this time…ya know, cause’ thats what they do in India:)

By HB

June 23, 2008 6:41 PM | Link to this

Wow. I have a lot of babysitting experience, and while I would never compare that with actual raising of children, I do know what it’s like to keep 3 little boys under 6yo for several days and nights while Mom and Dad are out of town, and frankly, it’s just not that big of a deal. It wasn’t easy, and I certainly admire those single parents, military spouses, etc who have to manage on their own for long periods of time (and often work outside the home too!), but 5 days on your own just shouldn’t be such a disaster.

By FCM

June 23, 2008 7:44 PM | Link to this

Theresa, I feel for you…it is different when you know your on your own (JJ, catlady, myself) than when your used to the tag team (2 adults in the house)….

However here was my day to make you feel like your not alone:

Friday: 5:30 somebody comes in my bed and kicks me in the head (they are sound asleep)

5:45: Make coffee since I am now awake

5:50 the somebody who kicked shows up and asks to watch tv

6:00 the same somebody is now asking for breakfast cereal and the coffee is finally done.

6:15 I sit down with coffee and work on blanket I am making for other child.

6:30 first cup of coffee is gone, child is back about tv and the cereal bowl is on the table…child is sent back to take care of bowl.

6:35 I go in kitchen and unload dishwasher while working on 2nd cup of coffee.

6:45 I start a load of laundry. Then start filling the dishwasher with glasses, dessert dishes etc.

7:00 sleeping beauty wonders in to complain that first child woke them up. Then complains they do not want to watch what is on the tv. I empty the dryer from clothes put in last night.

7:15 2nd child has now gotten control of the remote and is flipping channels. 1st child is whining about it. I point out that I am not here to fix this, and that if something was on the 2nd child may not change the channel.

7:30 2nd child is now looking in fridge and complaining that there is nothing to eat (I see milk, yogurt, fruit, and bread in fridge). 1st child is rolling on the floor like a monkey and swinging a towel (they were asked to fold it) above their head.

7:35 2nd child decides to eat cereal but wants to know why they cannot have the bowl with Shrek on it and who drank out of the HMS cup? (ans” 1st child had Shrek and 2nd child drank out of cup).

9:00 I sit down (new load in washer, first load in dryer) to watch Regis and Kelly…both children complain that it is not fair they never get to watch what they want. I give them each their workbooks and ask them to do the assignment.

9:15 I go make biscuits and bacon. Everybody eats.

Noon I check the pool, they are (Finally) filling it so we might be able to swim this week. Children go to their rooms to ‘clean’. I go unpack boxes from the move….stopping every 15 minutes to find out why ‘cleaning’ requires people to scream and doors to slam.

1:00 I am told the rooms are done…I go check to see that done means everything is under the bed. I ask that books be put on shelves, barbies picked up, and trucks/little people put away.

2:15 I am told that ‘we are hungry’ and there is ‘nothing’ to eat by 2nd child. I find a steak that needs to be cooked and make lunch. 1st child informs me that they want PB & J and have already made it…there is jelly all over the table. Also this child is dining in their underwear and doesn’t know where their clothes are (they were wearing them earlier)…my suggestion that they check under the bed is meet with an eye roll.

During lunch it is discovered that there is a Hannah Montana Marathon…now they are doing karaoke (Complete with microphone) to the show.

4:15 1st child announces they are sick of Hannah. 2nd child wants to know why I am on the computer. Then I am told we are on count down to Camp Rock and why aren’t we having a party…JG is having a party so I think that sounds like a plan.

5:00 I am at store getting supplies for the impromptu party.

7:00 Dinner

8:00 Camp Rock…I go back to working on the blanket, dishes are in washer.

8:30 Make S’mores.

9:30 (I think) Wizards of Waverly Place comes on and this means that the children need to dance around the room.

10:30 Wizards are over but could we please watch Zack and Cody in your bed?

1AM children are asleep I go take a shower.

By FCM

June 23, 2008 8:09 PM | Link to this

I reread my post….I missed putting in the time where I actually sat in the floor reading books to them….10-11 and that I sat in the floor with them (folding clothes) during Camp Rock. I ‘snuggled them’ until they both passed out in my room before I took a shower.

By cpate

June 24, 2008 7:18 AM | Link to this

I can relate to your week; thank God for parents! I remember feeling a bit frantic from time to time when mine were young. I think all mothers go through it, although some are too smug to admit it. I’m not sure what the “supermoms” out there gain from making others feel worse.

By JJ

June 24, 2008 7:56 AM | Link to this

Here’s my BORING daily grind.

5:30 alarm goes off, cats are up, dogs are panting in my face. Hit the snooze button and yell at the animals to go back to bed.

6:00 One cat is on dresser licking my pictures, the other is performing aerobics and I am the springboard, one dog is wagging her tail so hard, the entire bed is shaking. 6:05 - take dogs outside. Little one runs off so she has to be on a leash. Walk around back yard for 10 minutes. 6:15 shower (awww finally, some quiet time. 7:00 out the door to work…….. 7:30 - 4:00 work. 4:00 get in the car to go home. Stop at liquor store. 4:30 get home - let dogs out, feed cats, find out where daughter is. 6:30 fix dinner for myself, since daughter is off running amok. 6:45 - try to call daughter on cell 7:00 still trying to get daughter on phone….. 8:00 finally hear from daughter, she doesn’t know what she is doing tonight, so she will call me back. 10:00 daughter comes in briefly, grabs some clothes, and heads back out the door. I’ve spent a WHOLE 5 minutes with her today. 11:00 BED TIME!!!!

Ah the life of a single parent with a 17 year old…….

I don’t envy you guys at all!!!!!! I’m enjoying my life as a soon to be empty nester….

By Jesse's Girl

June 24, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

JJ…my friend…if my baby girl was unreachable, there’d be hell to pay. 17 is still young enough for a Come to Jesus meeting.

By JJ

June 24, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

Jessie’s girl Oh we will be having a meeting tonight, trust me!!!!

I told her she has to come home tonight and STAY home. I’ve been lax about setting a curfew, but I’m setting one tonight.

Now, I’m not defending her in any way, but we do have trouble with “dead” zones with Verizon. She doesn’t get service at one of her friend’s house. I can’t even get service at the same house when I am sitting in their driveway trying to call and let her know I’m outside.

Verizon sucks. I get too many dropped calls, and “dead” zones…that’s one of the reasons I couldn’t get her on the cell.

By catlady

June 24, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

If she is at home you don’t have to worry about “dead” zones. 17 is too young to be living life in the fast lane, IMHO.