Home > Health > MOMania > Archives > 2008 > June > 13 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USBlessings of being Daddy’s Girl
What type of relationship did you have with your father?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of the best feelings in the world is knowing you’re Daddy’s Little Girl. You know you’re safe. You know he loves you. You know he’s going to help you.
I’ve been blessed with a close relationship with my father all my life. Ever since I was a child we’ve shared similar interests. We talked about history, government and politics together. We would watch “This Week with David Brinkley” after we got home from church and later would settle in for “60 Minutes,” which usually put me to sleep. I didn’t stand a chance against Mike Wallace and that ticking clock, but I appreciated that my Dad thought I was smart enough to pay attention.
He introduced me to classic movies and even now, if there’s a Judy Garland or Cary Grant movie on TV then we’re both sitting on our respective couches enjoying the show.
We love spy novels, historical fiction and autobiographies. He comes over and asks which books I have previewed for him. He only reads them if I’ve given my seal of approval.
He’s always been my biggest fan — praising me, listening to me and giving me confidence.
I always thought our relationship was unique but during the last seven years I’ve witnessed a similar one developing between my husband and our oldest daughter Rose.
Rose shares things with him that she never tells me. When he’s putting her to bed, they lie there in the dark and she tells him about her day. She tells him about her friendships and how she’s feeling. She talks about people that made her happy or who upset her. She coyly mentions boys that she thinks are “fascinating.” (I never get any of that action. When she gets off the school bus, she’s just grumpy.)
Their favorite topic of conversation is music. They pass an MP3 player back and forth. They make their play lists together. They dissect lyrics and discuss the meaning of songs. They also discuss how songs are structured. They do the same thing with movies, books and TV shows talking about symbolism and characters.
I think it’s interesting that both my dad and Michael have made it a point to share time and interests with their daughters. And I recently found something that explains why that matters so much.
North Carolina family therapist Jane Rosen-Grandon explains on her web site (http://www.dr-jane.com/) that fathers teach their daughters how to regard themselves, what kinds of relationships are healthy, what to look for in a partner and what to expect of men as parents.
“A daughter’s relationship with her father is usually her first male-female relationship,” she writes. “From Dad, little girls gain their first reflection of themselves as a female. They develop a sense of acceptance or non-acceptance; they feel valued or discounted. …”
She says Dads need to show their daughters that they respect them. Dads also need to demonstrate to their daughters that men and women can negotiate fairly.
“When fathers exercise absolute authority, and rigidly set rules, daughters quickly learn to rebel. If a father is overly-critical and all-powerful, men become the enemy. If a father is fair and listens to his daughter’s thoughts, she will gain self-confidence and pride in her own opinion…”
Dads also teach what to expect from a male-female relationship.” Daughters learn about marriage from watching Mom and Dad. If parents treat each other well, this becomes the expectation. If Dad is a tyrant, then men are regarded as essentially bad. If Dad is alcoholic or abusive, men are considered to be people who are allowed to get out of control and be hurtful. The unconscious conclusion is… ‘If Dad treats me well, I am a worthwhile individual. If Dad rejects me or criticizes me, I am no good.’ ”
These succinct paragraphs make so much sense to me. They explain why the father/daughter relationship needs to be nurtured so carefully. I’m glad that my Dad, and now my husband, have taken the time to get to know and support their daughters.
I want to wish all the dads a happy Father’s Day and let you know your little girls appreciate your love and care.
Comments
By Stan
June 13, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this
Of course I’m not a “daddy’s girl”, sadly not a daddy’s boy either
I wish I would’ve had half as good a relationship with my dad as what you describe. I mean I still turned out OK but I can’t help but think how much better I could have been. I, too this day have a strained relationship at best with him. I talk to him about once a year at most, because that is how he raised me. He didn’t talk to me about anything that I thought he was supposed to talk to me about. Oh well he gets the kind of relationship with me now that created with me when I was young.
By Liz
June 13, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this
Interesting article. My father is the absolute authority type, so I know how that turns out.
I have three daughters and their father left when they were very young and has had a sporatic relationship with them for most of their lives. I do worry how they will handle future relationships with men. I have tried to be both parents to them, so I wait and see.
To those that have great relationships with their fathers…you are very lucky.
By Kathy
June 13, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this
I am definitely a Daddy’s girl and proud of it!!! My dad and I are the best of friends. We are so very much alike and it drives my mom crazy! I think he is the smartest man in the universe. I am convinced there is nothing that he can’t repair. He is one of those people who knows a lot about a lot of stuff. I often tell him that I am going to clone him so that when he goes on to that NASCAR track in the sky, I can continue to keep him around!!I have a 3 year old that has already secured the role of Daddy’s girl with my husband. I hope that one day she is as close with her Daddy as I am with mine.
By Dianne
June 13, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this
As I read the story, I smiled. I was a ‘Daddy’s girl’, as were my two younger sisters. He always made time for us at the end of the day, no matter how hard he worked, he always asked each of us how our day had been….helped with homework, took us swimming at Lanier every Saturday in the summer.
We lost that so soon, my daddy was killed when I was 16 years old. Oh, what I would give to have had him at my graduation, wedding, the birth of my children.
My husband and I had boys, so my poor hubby doesn’t have a ‘daddy’s girl’. But, I had mama’s boys, and no that’s not a bad thing.
My kids played games with me as if I was a buddy, I showed them they could share with me and I wouldn’t judge or critize…just try to ‘nudge’ them in the right direction.
As the boys grew up, the oldest bonded with his dad…both outdoors men…and we lost that son. Our surviving son and my hubby didn’t have a closeness during those early years, but I see it growing now.
We who have had the magnificant experience of a parent’s love and guidance, are the richest people in the world.
I will miss my daddy this Sunday, it will be my 37th Father’s Day without him.
God bless all the dads.
By ash
June 13, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
I too am a Daddy’s girl. I treasure all the extra time I got to spend with my daddy as a child because he worked away from home during the week. I think my parents went way beyond their call of duty for me and my sisters. We have awesome parents, and I am saddened to know that the way my parents are are not the norm. I hope that my daughter has the same kind of relationship with my husband. I am a very blessed woman!
By Stacey
June 13, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this
Theresa…What a beautiful tribute to you father and your husband! I when I was growing up I used to hear people say that good or bad, little girls usually grow up to marry someone just like their daddies.
Unfortunately, like so many of us, I never appreciated my father until he was gone. All we (my sisters and I) saw is that he was mean as a snake and a weekend drunk.
I grew up in a small, country town and a lot of our neighbors were extremely poor (compared to them, we were solidly middle class). Although everyone, especially us, was scared to death of Daddy, our house was the neighborhood hangout. There might be a dozen kids and teenages hanging out there but if Daddy so much as stuck his head out of the window, the party was over!
Daddy died when I was in college and when the preacher open the floor for remarks at his funeral, you could have heard a pin drop. Though I was hurt, even then I was not surprised that nobody had anything good to say about him. Then, an elderly lady who lived next door to my parents before I was even born came forward and nearly twenty years later I remember what she said. She talked about how when her husband became and invalid, without having to be asked, Daddy took over cutting her grass until her boys were old enough to take over. She then started calling people by name…”Sally, how many times did your kids wake Mr. Dan up in the middle of the night because Charlie was beating you. Robert, everybody in the neighborhood remembers when you would gamble & drink up your paycheck and you would go running to Dan to keep the your lights on.” When we got home that night and everyone left, we started discussing the things that Mrs. Grace said. We then realized how many wonderful memories we had and how safe we always felt. I still regret that I never TOOK the opportunity to tell him that I love and appreciated him.
By Stacey
June 13, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this
Sorry for writing a book, y’all. I had only planned to write a couple of sentence but once I got started I couldn’t stop.
By Sally
June 13, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this
This is a very timely blog for me. I always read and laugh, but this time felt compelled to post….
My father has always been my “favorite” parent, but mostly because he was either working or sleeping while I grew up, which made my mom have to be the disciplinarian! They are now both 80 and in declining health. I’m the Baby, caught in this sandwich generation.
This week, my dad had to have some tests run which required an MRI. He refused to get into the machine due to claustrophobia. I coaxed and coaxed, until he gave it a try. I held his hand and he squeezed it so tightly the entire time. The technician put on some country music for him to listen to while in the machine. Of course the first song to come on was Tim McGraws song about how his perspective on life changed after his dad was diagnosed with a disease so he went “skydiving, rocky mtn climbing, etc”. I started bawling but hid my eyes and kept holding tight and making small talk. Then the SugarLand song played about the Baby Girl who needed help from mom and dad in the beginning and ended up taking care of mom and dad at the end. I think someone was trying to tell me something and hopefully I will remember this next time I get frustrated with having to take time out of my busy schedule to oversee my dad’s failing health. It was a lesson it took me 45 years to learn, but at least its not too late. He “passed” the test and has a positive prognosis. I only wish I had 80 more years with him to take advantage of my new found knowledge.
By JJ
June 13, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this
I would give ANYTHING to have my Dad back. He died 15 years ago and the tender age of 66. Luckily, he was alive long enough to see and enjoy his two granddaughters for one full year (one of mine, and one of my brother’s).
I wasn’t a typical Daddy’s girl, but I was his daughter. He taught me SO much. He wouldn’t let me get my driver’s license until he watched me change a flat tire by myself. He taught me how to invest my money wisely. He taught me how to be a strong independant woman (how did he know I would end up a single parent).
I wish he was here to see his beautiful granddaughters, and how they have grown into beautiful young ladies. He never got to see the youngest one.
I hope you all enjoy Father’s Day. Call your Dad and tell him you love him.!!!!
By chocoholic
June 13, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this
I too am a “Daddy’s girl.” I am the oldest of three, but the only girl. I think I got a lot of my personality traits from my dad, which probably explains why I get along with my mom so well. I have an 18-month-old daughter and I can already see her turning into a “Daddy’s girl” with my husband. There is something about that relationship that a mom just can’t compete with - and that’s fine with me. I totally see the truth in the summary of what your relationship with your Dad predicts about your future behavior/relationships. I wish we had more responsible fathers like mine and my husband out there.
By Jeff
June 13, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this
I want to say a special thank you to you ladies for verbalizing fathers because I think that is sadly missing now-a-days. Good fathers are taken for granted and not appreciated as much as they should. But then again, good fathers don’t really seem to want much praise, they just do what they do day in and day out. As much as commercials, TV shows, and movies promote women and moms, the good fathers just keep going without any fan-fare.
By SPonteen
June 13, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this
When I read this I was so glad to know that there was someone else out there who has/had a special relationship with there dad as I do! Most of my friends either did not have a dad in their lives or they were completely invisable in the home (just sitting on the porch or something never interacting with them). I can not even begin to imagine who I would be without the Dad that I have. Strangely enough I learned how to be gentle and compasionate from my dad as well as teh true meaning of unconditional love! My dad is the only man who can get under my skin and still end the conversation on a good note. He said that was you never know what conversation would be the last and He would hate to think either one of us left this world yelling or being mad at each other. I love my daddy so much and I am so proud to say I AM A DADDY GIRL! and that doesnt mean I am spoil (just a tad) but it means to me I know how I shoudl be treated because of how my dad treated me! As a young lady that doesnt take crap from anyone and who has a civic duty to her community (I do) as well as the importance of leaving a leagacy! I really wish that everyone has a Daddy in their lives even if it is not their biological! To dance with them, tell them how beautiful they are, how to love and be loved and most of all how to be YOU! I love you JNAP (my daddy) as much as the grains on the sand on the beach!
By Jesse's Girl
June 13, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this
Mr Jesse is the best…or the bestest as The Boy puts it. There aren’t many men who can do their daughter’s hair…give advice on how to handle BFF problems…discipline with firm love…make the best sugar/cinnamon toast…wrestle like its WWF…pray at night with his children…and love their mother madly. But my man, the father of my children does all of these things daily. He rocks…..Happy Father’s Day Jesse.
By A. Nony Mouse.
June 13, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this
My Biological father has been long gone. When I was 7 my Mom remarried and that man became my Daddy on that day. He choose that role willingly. He has never ever one time since that day made any differences between me and my Step-brothers. Even to the point of treating me better than the boy’s in many ways. Yes there were many times that were not so good but, over all he has been the most dedicated Dad I have ever known. Many of my friends envy me for my wonderful Daddy
By ga.girl
June 14, 2008 12:00 AM | Link to this
I read all these comments with interest and also with sorrow. What I would give if I could have had a dad to be proud of and to have fond memories of. My dad was a mean old man and alcohol abuser and family abuser. I survived years of torment from him and most of all survived incest from him. I remember being crazy about my dad up until I turned 12 yrs. old and thats when it began. I won’t go into any gory details but It has affected me and my life and still does. I am in my 60’s now and I still miss what I wish we could have had, as a family. The last three years of his life he was in personal care homes and I ran errands and looked after him until the end. My siblings would not help him but I could’nt not help him, I had a heart for him. I chose to be a better person and better parent and have some great kids. Happy Fathers Day to all dad’s this weekend.
By Melanie
June 14, 2008 12:59 AM | Link to this
Thanks for your post. Oh how I miss My Daddy. I was such a Daddy’s Girl. He was the best, he taught me somemuch in life. I can hang with girls or the guys. He taught me how to be handy, (just replaced the disposal), crafty, smart. love and knowledge of sports (which has helped in life) and independant. When I left home I would call and talk to him everyday. Still brokenhearted I lost him at the young age of 51, 8 years ago. He lived to see my son for 5 months, but he was pretty sick then. My mother did not have a father and did not get the Father/Daughter bond and it was tough living with her, but he was always my savior, and made it better. I married a man just like my Dad, and I love him dearly as well. I now have a daughter and my husband once said “I hope our daughter loves me like you loved your Dad, well lets just say, She does. And though I’m happy for my husband, I know how very lucky my baby girl is to have a Daddy that loves her like mine loved me. Everytime I hear that Miley Cyrus(I have a tweenie) song “I Miss You”, I shed a tear and think of him. Happy Father’s Day to all the Great Daddy’s who made us the daughters/wifes/mothers/women that we are.
By Mike In Woodstock
June 14, 2008 5:35 AM | Link to this
My Dad never spanked my sisters. He did it for 2 reasons: First, he wanted to show them that if their own Father wasn’t good enough to hit them, then no other man on this earth was either. Second, he wanted to show me that you simply never hit a woman. I’m proud to say that we’ve carried both lessons well into our adult lives.
By Theresa
June 14, 2008 6:37 AM | Link to this
Oh Ga.girl — that’s so terrible — I am so sorry!! You wonder what must be going on in their heads to let them do that to their own child. You were doing the Lord’s work taking care of him at the end —I’m not completely sure he deserved it. — I hope that you’ve gotten counseling —and I hope you know you’re not responsible!!! I’ll be thinking of you this weekend!
By ga.girl
June 14, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this
Thanks Theresa for your compassionate response.I personally don’t believe he deserved a minute of my time,but I did want to be a witness for God. I wrote my daddy a letter (he was living out of town) and told him how I felt about what he did and told him I forgave him. I understand that he became very angry because he denies it all. Hello, a 12 yr. old has no reason to make up something so gross,My imagination didn’t go there. It was never mentioned afain. I did forgive him but I never forgot it. Yes, I have had counseling but the best counseling is being able to talk about it. My mom divorced my dad when she found out, who could not blame her, and she could not understand, even as a christian lady herself, how I could even go around him. Believe me, I got my strength from God alone. I have no regrets now, I miss what we could have had and most of all what a kid deserves to expect from a parent. I thank God we had a wonderful mother to teach us morals, if not for her I don”t even want to think of what a life we would had without her teaching and guideance. I am also glad to say, I did not marry one like my dad, I have a great husband who is loved by all who knows him. He was a God-send.
By BlondeHoney
June 14, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this
Like some others, I am so happy for those of you who had a great Dad and wish I could have too. My Dad walked away from his family when I was 9 and had nothing to do with us for the next 15 years, not even supporting us financially while Mom struggled to pay bills and keep food on the table. Meanhwile, dad married 3 more times and had a couple of more kids (his 2nd litter)who ended up being raised by Grandma & Grandpa. Dad is now 74 & living with wife #4 and has no relationship with his kids or his BEAUTIFUL grandsons. I’m not bitter, it’s actually worse than that because I don’t feel anything for him. I’m sadder over Tim Russert’s passing than i will be when my own father passes away. Happy Father’s day to all of the AWESOME fathers out there who love and cherish their kids!
By june
June 14, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this
I am a 68yr.old daddy’s girl!! My dad was everything to me,he was always there for me, anything happened to me, I wanted my dad. My dad died in 01 and I miss him so much! He is the best dad ever!! My life is complete because I had a great dad to give my what little girls need growing up. I’m sorry for those that didn’t have it. There’s an emptiness within them because of that. My husband is great like my dad was! Happy Father’s Day to the awesome dads!!My 3 sons are awesome dads too!!
By Dieter
June 14, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this
Thank you for writing this article! All of us Dads out there truly appreciate hearing a ‘daughters’ point of view.
From a fathers perspective it is always tough trying to relate to a ‘girl’ without giving up our own identity and giving up our ‘man card’.
That’s why we started the website www.closecombatguideforgirls.com to help fathers doing ‘cool’ stuff that both fathers and daughters will enjoy. Also tips and tricks etc. cause trust me guys DON”T know about the whole front to back thingy. We learn the hard way… lol….
By dondee
June 14, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this
I was for sure a daddy’s girl. I am the oldest of three daughters and while I know my dad loved all of us equally, I think that he and I might have had an extra special bond. My dad didn’t seem to mind that he only had daughters. In fact, years later, he said that God must have known what he was doing in giving him three girls.
My dad spent lots of time with us when we were little. He played with us, teaching us how to play ball, fish and to “wrassle”. He was a master story teller and could entertain us for hours with his stories, either real or made up. He was strict and a tough disciplinarian, but no matter how angry I might be with him (and it usually was my fault), I couldn’t stay mad at him for long, because he would apologize if he thought he might have over reacted.
He loved the movies and would take us girls to films he thought we’d enjoy. One of my first memories was when I was about 3 years old. My sister and I were napping in the living room and Dad came home early from work. He surprised me by taking me to see the Sound of Music.
He was my biggest hero and I know would stand up and defend me, my sisters and our mom if that needed to be done. I always felt safe with my dad around.
Year later, my dad developed a special bond with my own three kids, including my son, who by the way is the spitting image of my dad! He entertained them with stories, took them to movies, was a babysitter and just hung around with them.
This will be my second Father’s Day without my dear dad. Last year was very difficult. I hope this year will be easier. For those of you still lucky enough to have your “Daddy” around, give him an extra hug and “I love you”. You won’t be sorry you did.
I love and miss you, Daddy!
P.S. “Dondee” was his special nickname for me…
By Amy
June 15, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this
Great article! Not only am I still a daddy’s girl at 34 years old, but after 32 years I finally managed to find and marry someone who is (almost!) just as wonderful as he is! I hope that my marriage can be an example for my “future” children, as my parent’s has been for me- they’re 40th anniversary is this year!
By Nay
June 15, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this
I was never a “Daddy’s Girl” although I wanted to be desperately. On the other hand, my 4 yr. old daughter is the epitome of a “Daddy’s Girl”. I think that’s the reason I make sure that even though her father and I are not together, she sees him several times a week. I know she loves me but the bond she has with her daddy phenomenal. EVERYTHING he does is important. She gets to be what I wasn’t and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world!!!
By bronco
June 15, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this
I just wanted to tell all the Daddys Girls out there that us daddys are just as touched by it as the girls. We worship you more than you think and it makes us so proud. My daughter is now 24 and got married this year and is expecting, but in my eyes she is still 10 years old and always will be in my eyes. I love her with all my heart. I hold dearly all the camping we did or wading streams and building bird houses out of river rocks for the homeless birds to live in. We went to festivals, visited friends and when she went to sleep in the car. I carried her in the house until her feet almost touched the ground. If nothing else I know that I have been a good daddy and I spent time with her and showed and told her everyday that I loved her. But I think she knows that anyway.
By FCM
June 16, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this
You bet I am a Daddy’s Girl. Who else would let you hug him during a swim meet, fresh from the pool, while he was still in his good suit having just come from the office? He only asked that we let him get his tie off first. He hates to be kissed by women wearing lipstick—so when I started wearing lipstick I would wait for him to be on the phone, kiss him on the forehead while he was on the business calls (then he couldn’t yell) and run out the door to school/work. He went to several meetings with lipstick on his head, which my Mom and I crack up about. He just rolls his eyes.
My Dad worked very hard to put food on our table, pay the mortgage, and so Mom could be home with us. He was out of town most weeks due to his business—sometimes we saw him Monday night at bed and Friday at breakfast but no time in between. However, as he said “I was always there for the important stuff.” He missed very few swim meets (Tuesdays), never missed a school or church play, and was lineman while we played soccer (Saturdays).
Now, he goes to all of my children’s soccer games, school plays, etc. He steps in for the Dad’s for Donuts, so my children don’t miss out since their Dad is not around. He has watched them several times just so I can do an interview—he is not retired he works his schedule just to help me out.
When his mother was sick, and now his sister…He takes daily calls with his nephew (who is shouldering all the care) and makes trips North to do what he can. When the cousins first learned that their mother had 3 months to live, he took a flight up to just talk to the cousins and help them work through it. Their Dad died in 1996.
Dad is good caring man. He taught my brother and I to think for ourselves, be responsible, family is important, we do have to answer to God, we do not owe anyone anything and they don’t owe us, help others whenever you can, and all the other important lessons in life.
I try to let him know each time I see him that I am glad to be his kid….My children are glad to be Grandpa’s grandchildren, they spent the whole weekend in the garden with him making memories.
By donna
June 17, 2008 2:10 AM | Link to this
i was a daddys girl . my dad passed away 5 years ago and not a day goes by that i dont remember him when cooking or just going somewhere i remember him!!