MOMania

By Shaun

June 10, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this

My son will be 2 next month, all our relatives are really concerned that he is not potty trained yet. He refuses to go, we have tried everything. I will take some of the tips from the video and try them. He is also still getting a bottle at night. Is this wrong? I dont think so, but we get so much flack from family. What is the average age for a boy to be potty trained? He is an only child also.

By Pam

June 10, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this

I believe in the ol’ saying “If you start potty a child before the age of three, they will be trained at the age of three. If you potty train a child at the age of three, they will be trained at the age of 3.” Don’t rush it unless they are showing interest to learn. It only frustrates everyone, including the parents!

By Together for 12

June 10, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this

Shaun: You are providing a bottle to your child at night, and I’m assuming that means he has it in bed with him. I don’t see a problem personally with a bottle for him, but I would have some concern about cavities if the bottle contains anything but water. The juice/milk sits on his teeth all night as he sleeps and the bacteria grows from the sugars in those beverages. That can lead to cavities, and it’s really hard deal with a little child who needs a filling!

As for your relatives, tell them “thank you for your concern” and add that you will do whatever (give a bottle, potty train, etc.) as you both see fit. He is YOUR child, and YOU are raising him, not your relatives. Their opinions DO NOT have to be followed or even listened to more than once. If they press on, remind them you have already discussed that issue with them and you’re not going to discuss it further.

It’s tough to learn to put your foot down against relatives and their often overbearing opinions, but if you don’t, you’ll be miserable! I speak from decades experience!

If your pediatrician thinks something with your child is a problem, you can choose to act on his advice or you can get a 2nd opinion from another doctor. Doctors are just people with opinions too, but at least they are very educated about things and are commonly more current in their info than your mom is - when was the last time she had a 2 year old!? Things have changed a LOT since you were a baby! A lot of that advice isn’t right anymore. (My MIL still thinks you should get rid of your pets when you get pregnant!!)

Talk to other Moms who aren’t relatives and find things that work FOR YOU. Kids all mature differently, and just because somebody trained their kid at 20 mos doesn’t mean your child can or even should try to train by then.

By momtoAlex&Max

June 10, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

Hey Pam, I have heard of that before and it has certainly been proven true for my 2 boys, but I have seen girls much younger than 3 completely potty trained. I was so envious and when I asked what the secret was, they had none. She just showed interest. Ugh.

And to Shaun: most pediatritians will recommend stopping the bottle after 12 months for what I am sure are valid reasons. I did not listen. My son stopped taking a bottle at night at 5. Yes you read right 5.

Whatever. It’s my kid. I’ll deal with whatever consequences there are.

By Allison

June 10, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

I had a similar experience, in that the methods that other people suggested just wouldn’t work for my daughter. She would rather go in her pull-ups than go to the bathroom, no matter how much liquid we gave her to drink, bribery offered to just sit on the potty (let alone to go), let her pick our her own panties to wear, etc., etc.

My daughter turned 3 back in November, but by February was still showing “no obvious signs” (as I kept being told to look for) at home even though she would go at school if the timing was just right.

One Saturday morning in mid-February, I told her after she woke up that we were going to go cold turkey and there were going to be no diapers, only panties from then on. She then proceeded to do absolutely nothing for 8 hours - no accidents, no false starts, just nothing at all. When she decided she was ready to finally ‘go’ and asked for the potty, I had the feeling it was going to work since she was able to hold it that long without any accidents just because she wanted to.

So we kept her in panties during the day and pull-ups at night “just in case”. In early April, we took away the nighttime pull-ups and put a nightlight in her bathroom, and she’s had absolutely no accidents since then. In fact, we found out just a week or two later that she was even getting herself up at night and going if she had to.

Kids really DO mature differently, so while I’ve had some friends whose kids have been day potty-trained for a while, some of those same parents are still working on the nighttime side. I’m thankful that I have a pediatrician that didn’t want us to force the issue and to just wait until our daughter was ready.

By Duluth

June 10, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

I think two years old is a little too old for a bottle at night, let alone a bottle period. He should have been off the bottle a year ago. If he has teeth, get him off the bottle.

Does he still suck on a pacifier?

By Ebaby

June 10, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

At 18 months I took the potty out for my daughter to get used to seeing it. I didnt intend to train her until she showed interest. The first day it was out of the box, she was really excited. I guess she’s used to seeing it at daycare. The other day, she sat on it, fully clothed and pooped then came for me to change her diaper. I never expected that to happen and I honestly think it was just a coincidence. My only intention has been to ease her into it over a very long period of time. I may start sitting her on it, fully clothed, when ever I notice her pooping just so that she starts associating the two.

I saw the video and there are some interesting techniques in there that I may hang on to for when our time comes.

By Stacey

June 10, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

I was able to train my son in a couple of days (he was about 1 1/2). I was laid off from work and I only sent him to daycare on the days that I had interviews or temp assignments and this allowed me time to figure out some of his cues (he would grab “himself” for #1 and slightly squat for #2. I tried grabbing him and running to the bathroom but he was always finished by the time I got him there and removed his diaper. (He found this part very amusing). After about the 3rd time, I decided to remove his bottoms and bring the potty in the family room where he was playing & I was working. I spread an old plastic tarp on the carpet and topped it with an old blanket to catch any accidents. After a couple of times, he got the hang of the game and would at least get about half of it in the potty. I would hug him and tell him what a big boy he was and he loved that. The next day he really looked forward to it and by bedtime, he pretty much had the hang of it. Of course there were accidents and he slept in pull ups for about a month or so. Initially, I would put him in pull ups on his daycare days but he hated it. His daycare teacher advised me not to switch between pull ups and “big boy underwear” because that could confuse him. I took her advise and not only had a happy kid, but I saved a ton of money, too!

By Kat

June 10, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

I used to manage a daycare center, and the positive peer pressure is definitely a factor. Overall, though, I say go by your child’s individual development and ignore the timetables and advice of well-meaning relatives.

I have to admit, though, that some of the best potty training advice I got was from my mother. She said go by the season. Potty train in the spring or summer. Why? Because it’s so much easier to put your child in underwear and a t-shirt and let them run around the house barefoot. In the winter an accident means changing multiple layers of clothes as well as socks and shoes sometimes! Summer is just easier.

By Stacey

June 10, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Shaun,

I don’t think there’s anything at all unusual about a child not being potty trained by his second birthday. I might get concerned by 3, but certainly not 2. There were two kids in my son’s pre k class (age 4) who weren’t potty trained.

As far as the bottle is concerned, my mother always told my older sisters to give their babies their last bottle the night before their 1st birthday (she died before my son turned 1). I remembered taking my son for a check up a week after his 1st birthday and his doctor was mortified to see him still sucking a bottle. He told me to immediately start weening him (my MIL and my sisters agreed with Dr). For him it was a lot easier than I expected it to be and I think that may largely be because (as Theresa said) he was in daycare with other kids who used a sippy cup (and potty). He cried himself to sleep the first few nights but after that he was fine.

One thing my son was late to do was walk. He didn’t start walking until 15 months even though his classmates started between 8 mths - 1 year. His pediatrian wasn’t concerned about him not walking because he was a preemie and was seeing an occupational therapist to help with his large and fine motor skills.

By Shaun

June 10, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Thanks for all the advise, to answer a few questions; yes, he is still on the pacifier, and to make matters worse, we tried to ween him off the bottle, but he kicked and screamed till we gave in. I know we have to let him cry a few nights, but I cant stand a crying baby. To make matters worse, he is still in our bed. He has the most beautiful room, with a train going around it, and all decked out with toys and animals. He has not slept in there but one night. (well, a half of a night, he came screaming and crying into our bed around midnight).

By motherjanegoose

June 10, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

It has been YEARS since I potty trained, so I am not an expert.
I did not have a problem with either of mine…and both were completely trained by age 3.

I remember teaching Kindergarten and having a student who pooped in his pants. Since I was new teacher, I did not have a clue ( I did not have children of my own then.) The child’s father was a doctor and I was told he was not ready yet…HELLO?

After many trips to the bathroom and me wiping big boy poop out of his underwear…I had enough. I went to the principal’s office ( friends with the parents) to share his most recent composition.
Kay was not in, so the secretary told me to leave him in her office and was able to keep an eye on him. By the time Kay returned, the office reeked so bad…I never had another problem. His parents were told that they HAD to handle it! PARENTS…if you have a 3-5 year old in preschool that is not potty trained…please do not tell the teacher “you need to be flexible and work with us here”. That poor teacher does NOT want to clean poop up with 15 children every day. Get real! Most children are ready to begin by age 2 but many parents are not ready to get serious and be consistent…too much trouble. It is not a task for the faint of heart but can be accomplished with rewards, praise, routine and a a stoke of luck! FYI…CHILDREN DO NOT NEED A BOTTLE AT AGE 5…please do not tell us this is your child and you will do what you want too…that is certainly your choice but we all think you are NUTS! I may be the only one who has the guts to tell you! LOL Teachers and SLPs will tell you that there is something seriously wrong with this picture! Nurse and Mother are you out there and have you read this?

Here is an interesting link for tips: http://www.parents.com/toddlers/feeding-breastfeeding/toddler-feeding-breastfeeding/helping-baby-kick-the-bottle

By JSP

June 10, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Regarding pacifiers, my girlfriend had a great idea for her daughter to give up her pacifier. I can’t remember the exact age but it was far longer than she “should” have been using it. The daughter was very into all of the Disney princesses and wanted a particular princess dress. Mom said, “that dress costs 3 pacifiers at the Disney store. When you are ready to pay for it, we will take you to get it.”

It took about a week but the little girl finally decided, yes, 3 pacifiers was certainly worth the beautiful dress! So, on the big day, Dad takes the daughter to the Disney store and without missing a beat (and no heads up from Dad) the Disney store employees allowed the little girl to purchase the beautiful dress with 3 pacifiers. Pacifier problem solved.

I know this doesn’t apply to the topic of the day but I think its a neat story and wanted to share in case other’s can benefit from this experience.

By Judy

June 10, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

As the parent of two teens, I will tell you my best advice - wait until they are ready. I tried so hard to get my then almost 3 yo to potty train before her brother was born. I would drag her to the potty, screaming (her not me). She could do it but didn’t want to. Her ped laughed and said she isn’t ready let it go.

O.k. so I waited a couple more months and honestly we were done in a week. There is no time schedule written in stone. My kids trained at night long before my sister’s did but hers trained earlier during the day. Kids have their own time tables and forcing it to bend around your will will cause you to lose your mind. haha

Whether they walk at 1 year or potty train by 2 doesn’t matter at all by the time they hit kindergarten. Relax and IGNORE other people’s comments about it or allow them the opportunity to do it. haha

By motherjanegoose

June 10, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

GREAT STORY JSP! It pays to be a creative parent…sometimes we just have to have to out smart our children!

We were out of town for a funeral and I met my husband’s cousin’s new wife. She is a teacher, so we instantly hit it off. She was telling me all about how she has to share parental etiquette…that many parents do not have a clue!
Anyway, she told me that she had a 3rd grader whose parent wanted to come to eat lunch with her child every day…as she was used to spoon feeding her child and that was the only was he would eat.

Some of you posters could be in this category…look in the mirror and tell yourself that you will let your child GROW UP or his peers will all laugh and scorn him and he will be miserable!

Do you know how silly it would sound for a five year old to tell his class that he still takes a bottle to bed at night? They would laugh him right out of circle time!

By JSP

June 10, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

motherjanegoose, spoon feeding a 3rd grader…good grief.

I have a nephew whom I witnessed at the age of 17 very rudely shove his dinner plate across the table and boldly instruct his Dad to cut his steak for him. The suprising part is that Dad actually did it, and with no reaction. It took a great deal of self control for me not to choke on my salad! (and not to slap ‘em both upside the head!)

Our job as parents is to guide our children to become independant self sufficient adults. It takes time and effort to teach children to be independant. Too often I see parents take the easiest path vs the path best for the childs development.

I know you have countless experiences that mirror my own.

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

I hear my name being called, Motherjanegoose. I am laughing because I have two different stories to tell, but I am reeling from my crazy busy 12 hour stint yesterday. I woke up (late) to find the house trashed from the kids (I think the almost 11year old left a bigger mess than the 2yo).

Anyway, back to topic, I haven’t had a chance to view the video, but I will share my stories anyway.

With the first, we tried putting her in cotton underwear (thick kind) and she would hold it for a long time. Eventually (didn’t take long) she starting going to the potty.

With child number two, I tried early on to get him potty trained. At around 19 months, I could get him to pee right as we got him in the tub. I also put him in cotton undies and when I could tell he needed to go, I would scoop him up and take him to the tub. I patted myself on the back and thought I was a genius. I would sometimes have to make a psss sound and it often worked. Well, when my son was about a month shy of his 2nd birthday, I got him in the tub and let him play after I washed him up. I stepped away to get a towel or something and I hear him scream “Momma”! I ran in to find him hysterical and trying to climb out of the tub. I looked down and found that he had had a bowel movement in the tub. He was mortified! It took my husband and I a week to figure out why he screamed when we put him in the tub. He refused to sit down and kept holding his bottom. I finally figured out that he was afraid he would do it again. Long story short, all that progress was lost. I still can’t get him to pee in the tub or potty. He had actually peed in his potty a few times before the bathtub incident.

Oh well. Back to square one. He is a very stubborn child. I need to start actively working on this again. He was 2 in Jan.

By HB

June 10, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

Shaun, I’d definitely say it’s past time to give upt the bottle, but don’t worry about the potty training. I’ve kept a lot of kids in a lot of families over the years, and I don’t any of them were potty trained before age 2 — it’s no unheard of, but it’s pretty rare. Boys were usually a little later than girls too.

As someone mentioned earlier, I do think having older siblings to mimic can help kids train earlier, but I’ve also seen younger siblings hold them back. I kept a 2-y-o with twin 1-y-o brothers. He was fully trained in a week, but then quit. We suspected he didn’t want to give up some of the “babying” his little brothers still received just yet. Those two started semi-training themselves about the time they turned two, and older brother immediately gave up his pull-ups.

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

About the bottle, I think it needs to be eliminated around one year of age. I never allowed my children to go to bed with a bottle (actually both were breastfed, so they seldom got a bottle). If one insists on using a bottle at bedtime, use water only. The sugar from milk causes cavities. There is a term called “baby bottle teeth” (or something like that).

As for the paci, I let my daughter use one until she was 2.5. She constantly used one. We had a rainbow of colors to match all outfits!! We went to the dentist who told us that most of the time, paci’s were ok to use until the child got tired of it. He looked in my daughter’s mouth and said to disregard what he said and that we had a big problem and she needed to quit it immediately. We went home and threw them away. My daughter actually threw it away. We will be getting braces and a palate expander probably this year.

I did not encourage the paci with my son, although he did get one. I vowed that we would dispose of it by one year. He actually stopped using one early on, so no traumatic situations with tossing them. I would encourage parents to toss them by one year. Just my two cents (and a lot of experience) on the subject.

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

Oh, I did finally watch the video and I think that the “potty whisperer” has some good concepts. I will have my son help me clean up if he soaks through his cotton undies.

I know that my 2yo has the capabilities to hold his urine, because he will avoid urinating in his cotton pants until he can’t hold it in anymore. It is my understanding that this is a sign that a child is physically able to potty train (although I am not an expert). I agree with Motherjanegoose that by kindergarten a child should be potty trained (unless he/she has special needs). I would have to resort to taking precious toys away from an older toddler or preschooler if all other methods failed.

By Duluth

June 10, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

Shaun You need to get that kid out of your bed, and off the bottle. He is controlling you, and you are the Parent.

You should be the one in control, not the other way around. A two year old should not be controlling the house.

Put him to bed, tell him goodnight, and turn the light off. Let him cry. All it will take is a couple of nights of this routine, and he will be good. If he gets out of his bed, repeat the procedure.

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

I meant to say that I already have my son help clean up if he soaks through undies. He will go and grab a towel and say “clean up”.

Just a funny, he sat with me as I watched the video. He grabbed his potty and pretended to use it. I guess that is a start. I will really start to pursue this again. Hopefully he is ready.

By Lulline

June 10, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

The key work is “when a child is physically & emotionally ready”. I thought i’d never potty train my 2 kids but I found patience goes a long way and the payoff is well worth it. My daughter was almost 4 and my son 5 but I have not had any bedwettings or accidents when we’re out running errands so the wait was well worth it! I used gummy bear treats and the smiley faces on a chart and man, did it motivate! To hear “I pooped in the toilet, can I have my gummy now” was music to my ears!

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

motherjanegoose have you read, “Raising self-relient children in a self-indulgent world”? Excellent book! It is very helpful and encourages parents to let children think for themselves and also accept consequences for their choices. It is co-written by an educator and a phychologist. It is great for both teachers and parents. I highly recommend it to all parents and teachers.

By HP

June 10, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

I am stunned that parents would allow a five year old to go that long and not be potty trained. I am stunned a school would allow him to be enrolled not being potty trained. My son was “held back” from advancing to the next level at his preschool because he was not potty trained. He just turned three at the time. I agree that you have to work with the child when they are ready, but five? I don’t think so. I was ready to train at about 2 1/2 and his pediatrician advised waiting until three to start hardcore. I did, but talked up potty and let him go a few times. After the third birthday, and my being pregnant with our second child and NOT wanting TWO in diapers, we started full force. He did well at first, then went through some phase where he refused to go. It kind of turned into a discipline issue with my son. But we stayed firm - no diapers, you are a big boy, go sit on the pot. We tried a number of methods - no diapers, potty parties, rewards, punishments. And one day, two weeks before my second child was born, he got it. He stayed dry and clean all day and all night too. No accidents. I am so proud of him and he is proud of himself. Sometimes you have to give these little birds a gentle (or not so gentle) push out of the nest - you will love to see them fly!

Five. Hmmm, my second child is nine months, and when I change her diaper, my nose hairs burn. I don’t know how they stood it!!!!! Five!!!!

By PatC

June 10, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..” Ecclesiastes 3

What’s the rush? My 17 year old son was potty trained by age 3 and my 22 year old daughter was potty trained by 2.5. As new parents, we followed the advice of friends/family and pressured our daughter to be trained.. looking back I think it caused us much stress. When we had our son.. we were more relaxed. Enjoy your parenting.. the time goes so fast.

By GoodFather

June 10, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

Why is your kid 2 and still thinking its ok to suck a bottle. Stop allowing your child to be the parent and giving in to his ridiculous demands. Kids dont know whats best for them their parents should.

By Kathy

June 10, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

How ironic that Theresa writes about this topic…..we are in the throes of potty training right now! My daughter will be 3 on Friday and we have been trying to train her for about 8 months now. She got a double dose of stubborn from me and my husband and she has just flat out refused the potty. We finally had to go cold turkey and put her in panties. The first few days were REALLY rough for all of us, but now a week later she has gotten the hang of it.
Shaun…..have you read The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg? It sounds like you need some help. I HIGHLY recommend that book. You should probably tackle the bed and bottle issues before you potty train.

By Joyce

June 10, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

With my son, I quickly discovered that “potty training” should really be called “parent training”! If you can put your full attention to it for a complete day, it can probably get done. The main issue that we had was that he didn’t always want to stop what he was doing to go use the bathroom, so he’d have an accident where he was playing. This can still be an issue, so our mantra continues to be: “Going potty is more important than anything!” (repeat as needed, when needed!)

As to the “potty whisperer’s” methods, they seem fine to me. I think I did a lot of them. For clean-up, I tried to have him use a towel or something on the floor. I was afraid that getting out the mop would be too much of an exciting grown-up activity to him and would backfire on me!

I had to laugh at the poop in the tub story. We had a couple of those, and the look on his face was a riot, although cleaning and disinfecting the tub afterwards, not so much.

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

I really know how to spell psychologist, but it doesn’t look like it based on my 12:35 post.

Joyce I’m happy to make you laugh.

By motherjanegoose

June 10, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

In my opinion… PatC Please do not quote scripture for potty training. I am a Christian and firmly believe that the Bible has it’s place but when folks take things out of context it makes me nuts. Would we use this scripture to advocate passing children on to the next grade even though they have not mastered the skills because “there is a time for everything…” Yes, there are many things that we cannot control and we simply have to learn to wait for God’s timing or for nature to take its course but this does not really apply to potty training.
PLEASE!

By Stacey

June 10, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

One of my nephews would pee in the toilet but not poop up until he was about 4. No kind of punishment worked. I finally figured out (while babysitting him daily) that he was afraid to sit on the toilet for fear of falling in. Somehow I felt his fear so we agreed that he would tell me when he needed to go and I would sit the tub to hold him and make sure he didn’t fall in. It took about a week for him to trust me enough to let go of my arms but when he did, I gradually started letting go until he realized that he was too big to fall in (with the seat down, anyway). Everyone teased me that I was teaching him to use the toilet, not ride a bike, but hey, whatever works! LOL

I do have a question for those of you with boys…How do you teach them to wipe properly? My son is 7 and he still hasn’t mastered it 100% (nor has his dad, for that matter). Flushable wipes have been a lifesaver!

By Mom of 2 boys

June 10, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

Both of my boys were 2 and potty trained completely. I think the idea that you should wait until they are ready is one pushed by diaper and pullup companies to stretch their profit margins. My mother had all of potty trained by 2. What I did with my sons was I took the diapers and pullups off and put on underwear and we literally went to the bathroom every 30 minutes. If they did something great if not oh well. First couple days they would have accidents but by day 4 and 5. They were pottying. And by the way I work full time with both and was able to do it. We as parents have to stop taking the easy way out.

By new mom

June 10, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

As a mother to an almost 9 mth old baby girl, we aren’t to the potty training stage yet. I would like to comment on the taking vs. ignoring advice topic:

I believe that there are usually very good reasons for the advice out there—I prefer to try to learn from the ‘experts’ and from others’ mistakes. We also believe it’s easier to not start a bad habit then it is to break one. I’ve got friends who say ‘don’t listen to all the experts’ advice, when you have your child, you’ll see’ etc. Those same friends also let their babies watch TV and let the babies sleep in the same bed with mommy and daddy. Then complain that it’s hard to ‘get them out of their bed’. We decided from day 1 (make that before we ever got pregnant!) that our baby would not sleep in our bed, and she hasn’t. She’s perfectly content in her crib, for it’s all she knows. And people don’t believe us when we say she’s never slept with us in our bed.

We also do not send her to bed with a bottle—one less habit to break. We’re starting to brush her tiny little teeth with baby toothpaste and a gum-thing, so the transition to big girl toothbrushing hopefully won’t be too difficult.

I hope I don’t come across as a know it all (I’m certainly not, we’re still new to this!) But I do think that ignoring advice just because your child doesn’t like it can be detrimental to them down the road. There are usually valid reasons for the advice we get!

Have a great day :)

By lovin life

June 10, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

usually i love this page but i did not realize that I had jumped to the judgemental page today! Jeez people! Every kid is not the same as every family is not the same. My daughter was trained at 3 and 1/2. Lucky for us her teacher and the wonderful people at her school (not daycare real public school) were very helpful and wonderful. My daughter has low muscle tone We had already been adressing this through therapy. Her wonderful teacher was able to help me come up with ways to help her strengthen her muscles and help her become a potty kid with out causing her too much stress. I am glad that we did not come up with ultra judgemental people. Also MotherJANe, usually I am a cheerleader of you, even if I don’t post, but you seem really judgy today. My brother did not train until he was 5 and 1/2. (we have a 20 year age gap) He has autism, but mildly. To the outsider it would seem that he was a typical kid who was still in pull ups. And you would all judge him. Sad.

By Lulline

June 10, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

To clarify things for HP and others, my son is autistic and a preemie so yes, it took longer for him to potty train. Truthfully though, even if he wasn’t, no school system would have the nerve to tell me they would have to hold him back or couldn’t enroll him.

Whether we think a child is lazy or not, they will be ready, when they are ready! Forcing them will only bring on more trouble than it’s worth. From what I hear, boys take longer anyway and I hear there are still some 8yr old boys that can’t keep their underwear clean.

By motherjanegoose

June 10, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

HOORAH FOR NEW MOM! I am so proud of you…you are on the right track!

If I knew you and nurse and mother, I would invite both of you out to lunch…HAHAHA!

There are a lot of advice givers out there. Some are nuts and some make sense, some are ideas to ponder.

When anyone says “MY GOODNESS, this is my child and I will do whatever I want with them…” I feel for the child.

You do not get to practice being a parent and have a redo later.

Whatever you sow you will reap and that IS a scripture I am willing to quote….LOL!

By new mom

June 10, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

Dear lovin life, I don’t think that the comments you read were meant to be judgemental, as they were meant to be encouraging us to be strong parents who don’t give up when things are hard. And I certainly don’t think that anyone here would question the difficulties of potty-training a child with a special need.

I think the main ‘jist’ here is that we need to do what’s best for our kids. So many parents I know like to use the phrase “you have to know when to pick your battles”…yet there never seem to be ANY battles they are willing to fight—everything is too much trouble!

By HP

June 10, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

A word of warning about “Pull-Ups…” I think they prolong the process, and many parents who have trained thought the same thing. I mean, you don’t want your floors and furniture ruined, but I think they hinder kids. They look and feel like diapers. If they have an accident, they don’t really get the full effect (feeling dirty/wet and stinky). They need to feel the funk, you know? Also, when training, find out their Achilles Heel. For my son, he didn’t like cleaning up his mess, or dealing with wet/dirty clothes. Use that. When he had accidents, he would have to clean up the pee off the floor (mom handled secondary issues) and put his wet/dirty clothes in the clothes hamper. He hated that, and figured out quickly that if he stopped going in his big boy pants, he wouldn’t have these issues.

By new mom

June 10, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

motherjanegoose,

I agree wholeheartedly! Might I suggest….Dominick’s? ;)

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

@New Mom- congrats if everything is going according to plan. Certainly there is a lot of advice “out there” from all angles of parenting. I understand where you are coming from especially when it comes to TV and the bottle. I wouldn’t totally discredit your friends just yet, though.

I have learned over the 11 years of parenting that I have done a 180 degree turn on a few issues. I will also add that each child may be a little different and you may need to alter your “game plan” on occasion.

I wanted to also state that my daughter slept in her crib most of the night when she was an infant and when she was old enough to climb out of her crib we had to get a big girl bed. She managed to come into our room every night my husband and I are sound sleepers and often didn’t notice she was even there (so she was able to get away with it for a long time). We finally had to force her out when the new baby came along (she was 8.5). Obviously we learned our lesson. We did allow our son to sleep with us until he was 13 months because he was breastfed and it was a lot more conducive to sleep (for both mom and baby). At 13 mo we put him in his crib and let him fuss for a few nights. And that was the end of that. It’s too bad that I rejected the “expert advice” the first time when it comes to bed-sharing.

I will offer a little friendly advice that while it is ok to have ideals when it comes to parenting, just keep in mind that things don’t always go according to plan and sometimes you may eat your words (especially when you have two totally different kids). Trust me. It has happened to me more than once.

I agree with you about ignoring advice just because your child doesn’t like it. We as parents shouldn’t cater to children, but rather look at what is best for them in the long run.

By new mom

June 10, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

Hi nurse&mother, I do agree with your post—and again, I hope I didn’t sound like a know it all.
There have been several things already that we have either given up on, or realized they weren’t big deals. We tried “g-diapers” which were flushable diapers meant to be more environmentally friendly. Loved the concept, but the execution was lacking. I was using so much water (during a drought) trying to wash the outer covers! So those went the way of the buffalo. Also—I was going to make all my own baby food. Yeah right. ;)

My ultimate worry about her sleeping in the bed with us was rolling over on her. I breastfed her till 7 mths, when she decided she didn’t want it at all, but during that time we just got up to breastfeed. I remember when we first brought her home, I had a terrible nightmare that she was somewhere in the bed and that I couldn’t find her. I woke up panicking, and knew then that I wouldn’t likely ever really rest at night if I had that ligering worry. (I had those nightmares every night for the first 2 weeeks!)

I’m sure there is some sweetness and cuddling I’m missing out on, with her down the hall, but we (hopefully) make up for it during the day. Everyone that meets her says she is such a happy and sweet baby. And of course I agree! :D

Anyway, thanks for the reminder, we all need to be flexible and balance what works for your family with the advice we get from our pediatricians and nurses. Gosh, I call our ped’s nurse once a week or so!!

By motherjanegoose

June 10, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

A bit of a twist here, regarding breastfeeding. Not everyone can or will breastfeed BUT everyone needs to know that if you do want to breastfeed it takes more than 2 weeks to make it happen.

I breastfed both of mine (against my mother’s advise) and it took about 2 months for it to go smoothly for both of us. My children were both weaned by the time they were 9 months and after a few months on the bottle went to a cup. Anyway, it really bugs me when folks say they tried to breastfeed and after 2 weeks it just will not work out.

It takes more time but it is not for everyone! Stick with it if you are determined and see how much easier it is for the middle of the night feedings! I loved the convenience.

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

New Mom- it sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and consequently off to a great start! I’m sure that you will make up for the cuddling during the day.

I too did worry about rolling over on my son (at least initially). I made sure I had a lot of space in between us when he was not nursing. Also, I am a sound sleeper and usually don’t move much at night. So the position I fell asleep in, I stayed in until my son woke up again (then I changed postions). For obvious reasons, bed-sharing is not for everyone. I was glad that it worked for me, though. I certainly don’t think that there is anything wrong with an infant sleeping in his/her crib.

By JJ

June 10, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

My 17 year old still crawls into bed with me. However, its very rare, but she sometimes gets up early(before noon is early for her) on the weekends, and if I’m laying in the bed, she will crawl in with me for a few minutes of snuggle. Then she realizes what she is doing, and quickly jumps out like someone spotted her or something…..;)

Don’t tell her friends!!!!!!

By new mom

June 10, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

JJ, that is too funny!

I love hearing about you and your daughter, it sounds like you have a great relationship with her. I hope I have similar sweet stories 17 years from now! :)

By FCM

June 10, 2008 5:24 PM | Link to this

Mine both gave up the bottle at 1 no problem. I felt that was b/c I only put formula in the bottle. All the ‘good stuff’ (juice/whole milk) was in a sippy cup. Water was always in a sippy cup too. They wanted the bottle, but when they got it they tossed it to get the drink they wanted.

Potty training took for us at age 3. My eldest held out at home but was great at school. My youngest didn’t train until summer after turning 3. He made the face at the pool. I scooped her up and ran to the bathroom but was late…not so late he made a mess that would be a problem to others. However, we were out of swimmies and had to go home. He cried since he loves the pool. I got him cleaned up and explained that that others could get sick if he pottied in the pool. All summer he jumped out of the pool and ran to the potty…did it at home too. Just like magic overnight.

All children are different and will do it when they are ready. This issue (and feeding) are about the only ones a child feels they can control.

By Empty Nest and Sad

June 10, 2008 5:33 PM | Link to this

I have 3 and the baby is 20! They were all very different in potty training. My first born and first grandchild of the family was 15 months old! Yes, it is true. My mom suggested putting a potty chair in the bathroom once my daughter started walking (which was around 1yr old). As any normal child she followed me around and when we went into the bathroom I would say what I was doing and by the time she was 15 months she didn’t want the diaper and just started going on her own!! She even asked to be lifted up to wash her hands! Lead by example it really works!!! Wish you new potty trainers all the best!!!

By FCM

June 10, 2008 5:52 PM | Link to this

@new mom….I AM PROUD OF YOU!!! My #1 advice to expectant parents is always ignored: Do not let the baby in your bed or you will spend a lifetime getting them out. I wish I had done it. It was a battle getting them out of my bed…I am sure the divorce added to it all though.

Now JJ before you think I do not understand how sweet it is that she shows up. I do. Mine are allowed to come in once the clock goes off on work days (for the 10 min snooze alarm) or on Sat or Sun mornings. They do abide by these rules.

One more thing about mine giving up the bottle at 1. I held my babies for each bottle feeding but fed them in a chair for each solid. Last bottle was right before bed…no bottle in the bed.

Then again I fed the babies string beans and other ‘bitter’ vegetables first. Ok, I fed them Oatmeal first (no rice cereal they spit it at me). Then the bitters. However, I think that is why even now vegetables are not issue in our house.

By mom3boys

June 10, 2008 7:00 PM | Link to this

It’s been many moons since I was in the throws of potty training; however what worked then works now. If your child is developmentally ready, it’s a fast process. When mine could carry on a conversation about going potty, I started the process. All were between 2years 2 months and 2 years 8 months. Boys do not need to wait til they are 3, that’s nonsense. The best method I found was the “1 week, $100 method.” It’s pretty simple. You make a big deal about buying big boy undies. They have to be real ones, so they can feel the wet. You tell him that he is a big boy and big boys use the potty. Take him often to the potty. He will wet the floor, the furniture, the carpet, etc…but he will hate being wet, and will pretty quickly use the potty and will soon tell you when he needs to go. By the end of the week, he’s trained. Then, take the $100 and have your carpets and upholstery cleaned. This process worked for me 3 times…good luck to all. Next topic: sending them off to college and not falling apart (haha!)

By nurse&mother

June 10, 2008 7:50 PM | Link to this

I wish it were that simple, Mom3boys. That worked pretty well with my first, but the boys is proving to be stubborn. I am going to work very hard this week and see. He has been running around naked all day. I put cotton undies on after hours and hours of nothing. As soon as I put them on he wet them. So, I took them off and have not put on anything else. We shall see.

He has pretended to go to the potty today, but he won’t actually do anything. I guess that is a start. He has been wearing big boy undies intermittantly since he was one to help prevent diaper rash (I also wanted to get a head start on the process-which worked well with my daughter). Maybe because he is used to them, it is not an incentive.

I have also tried teaching him to urinate on rocks or a tree, but he won’t actually do it. He will imitate it, but not do it. I’m up for suggestions.

By motherjanegoose

June 10, 2008 8:12 PM | Link to this

FCM…you have me laughing at vegetables.

My 6 foot 2 inch twenty one year old was not too keen on vegetables. He was a good eater but veggies were only corn and potatoes.

I am not ( unlike my parents) a believer of forcing children to eat things…once they have tasted it, if they do not like it…big deal.

My son went to my sister’s farm in Wisconsin ( each summer) when he was 8-11. He spent a week with his cousins. They have a huge vegetable garden. Once, he called me and was crying because, “Aunt Judy told me to call you and let you know that I was not eating my vegetables. I told her I did not eat vegetables and she does not believe me Mom….” I laughed and affirmed the news. We got a kick out of it! He now eats all sorts of food. including veggies, salad and sushi…LOL! My children never slept with us unless they were sick but both of them now like to come into the bedroom and talk to me right before they go to bed ( or if my son is home from college) as they know I am reading and will listen to whatever they want to tell me or ask me.
I do have a fond memory of lying next to my ( now twenty one year old) son in his Sesame Street bed and holding his hand while he dozed off to his afternoon nap when he was two. I can still feel that pudgy hand in mine and it brings tears to my eyes as I write this. Children are wonderful!

By twin boys

June 11, 2008 12:19 AM | Link to this

I have twin 16 month old boys. The potty has been introduced. They know to take off their diaper and sit on it. But my problem is the bottle. They use it for comfort. You know how some kids cry and you give them a paci? Well they want the bottle. And they don’t care if it has milk in it or not. I’ve been told to put them to bed and let them cry, but its so aggravating. They will both scream for hours. Once they go to sleep they will wake up in about 20 minutes or so and continue where they left off bc they search for it in their sleep. Is it okay to let them keep it if its empty or it needs to go totally?

By twin boys

June 11, 2008 12:19 AM | Link to this

I have twin 16 month old boys. The potty has been introduced. They know to take off their diaper and sit on it. But my problem is the bottle. They use it for comfort. You know how some kids cry and you give them a paci? Well they want the bottle. And they don’t care if it has milk in it or not. I’ve been told to put them to bed and let them cry, but its so aggravating. They will both scream for hours. Once they go to sleep they will wake up in about 20 minutes or so and continue where they left off bc they search for it in their sleep. Is it okay to let them keep it if its empty or it needs to go totally?

By mom3boys

June 11, 2008 7:07 AM | Link to this

Twin Boys: It is so difficult to let them “scream it out.” I did that for the waking at night…nearly killed us all. If the bottle is empty, how is it any different than a blankie for comfort? Maybe you can start telling them over the next few months that bottles are for babies, and they are big boys now. Tell them when they are two, they will give their bottles to a new baby, because they won’t need it. On the birthday, you could very ceremoniously give the bottles to the new baby (find a friend w/ a baby to get them out of your house). Just some thoughts. It’s very difficult to ignore all the well intentioned advice you receive here and elsewhere. You sound like you know what you’re doing; trust your instincts…you’re fine.

By JJ

June 11, 2008 8:00 AM | Link to this

Such sweet stories yesterday.

I miss my girl. She’s off helping a friend at Boy Scout camp this week (Keeping their siblings). She is staying at my brother’s house all week, since the camp is right down the street from them, I won’t see her until Friday.

But don’t tell her, I’m re-doing her bedroom. A whole new makeover, and she doesn’t know!!! I can’t wait to see the look on her face!!!

By FCM

June 11, 2008 8:07 AM | Link to this

MJG—My brother is 6 foot too. We ate peas every day for a year (seriously) because that was the only green vegetable he would eat. He would eat corn and potatoes too. So, now you have me cracking up.

By Stacey

June 11, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

twin boys…I’m blessed that I never had to deal with the screaming so I can’t give you any advise about that. He seemed to get some sort of power trip from drinking from a “big boy cup”. He hated the cups with the handles so I used the sippy cups without lids. I actually weened him from the sippy cup at home pretty quickly though my carpet suffered the consequences.

As far as sucking an empty bottle is concerned, I remember my mother and mother-in-law saying that sucking air from an empty bottle would give the baby gas. Also, my son had frequent, severe ear infections and his pediatrian would always ask if he sucked an empty bottle. Actually, we always knew the second his bottle was empty because he would launch it across the room (even if he was asleep). Although I didn’t put him to bed with a bottle per se, he often dozed off while holding his bottle.

By SillyMommy

June 11, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

I found mockery and name-calling to be particularly effective in toilet training.

Just Kidding, of course. This board gets a bit sensitive sometime and I thought I’d shake things up a bit! ;-)

What helped me train my children was the realization that Pull-Ups weren’t created to make potty training faster or easier. They were created to allow diaper companies to expand their market and profit from our desire for convenience and avoidance of “messy” situations.

Adults may fall for the Pull-Ups marketing angle, but to children, they’re still just diapers.

A commitment to underpants and an understanding that accidents happen both day and night has been the most effective approach in toilet training my three children.

I made the rookie mistake of using pull-ups on my first child. She wasn’t fully using the potty until after 3.25-ish years. The other two (girl and boy) were fully trained by 2.5-ish years.

By oldermom

June 11, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

My firstborn is now twenty-one years old. I thought I could potty-train him at 23 months of age in the week at home with him before I gave birth to his younger brother - wrong! A week wasn’t enough time for him, then when the new baby came home, the firstborn was not about to show any independance. So long as bottles and pacifiers were accessible to the baby, our older son refused to give them up, and no, we were not willing to force the issue. They basically potty-trained, and gave up bottles & pacifiers together. The child and the circumstances help determine success. The older brother was WELL past the age of three, while the younger brother needed almost no actual “training”. Now they’re both great guys (who would be mortified to know I was writing this!) So relax, barring any medical problems, everything will work out fine.

By nurse&mother

June 11, 2008 5:48 PM | Link to this

I agree with silly mommy regarding Pull-Ups. I only used them at night in the beginning of potty training (for about one month). They are still diapers.

By Jen

July 16, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

I took my child to Booty Camp, and personally, I thought it was way too intense for him. He was the youngest kid in the class (at nearly 3). I think it is much better for older kids who are just being stubborn about training. Regarding the bottle, my son still gets one at bedtime (before brushing his teeth). I do have to say that the next child will be weaned off of it at 1 because after 2, they develop emotional attachments to things and it becomes much harder to wean them.